Friday, July 20, 2012

Letters to People Unlikely to Respond - Part 2.3+10E6

Dear Hipster w/ Hornrims, 2 Vassar Sorority Girls, 3 local carpenters, the gaggle of lost interns trying to find the Starbucks, Motorpool drivers debating the best route to North Greenwich Arena, and the self-important celebrity talking head and his toady, and all the rest of you motherfuckers that I have been dodging all day:

I know you haven't seen each other since Vancouver or Beijing , (or that kegger at Sigma Tau) and you need to get caught up. And I understand the importance of finding a consensus on the best route through traffic. And it's a gorram shame you can't read the frakking signs that will direct you to the fershluggener commissary, and yes, it is amazing all the crap that goes into this kind of production - will you look at these fukkin' yanks? And I'm sure you absolutely have to talk to your dope dealer / dog walker/ Call-of-Duty-Homeboy / Hairstylist / caterer on your mobile phone and you are unable to walk and talk at the same time...
So... GET OUT OF THE FUCKING MIDDLE OF THE MAIN GODDAMN HALLWAY TO DO whatever it is that you need to do.


The Ogre in CO114 who is going to start throwing elbows pretty goddam soon.
I don't have time for your shit.



Luc said...

Gawd, I need to borrow you next time I go at Costco. I'd be curious about how far you can throw the shopping carts that people leave in the middle of the fuckin' ailes.

Bug said...

Yes that is a problem all over the place and incredibly annoying. I've had particular run-ins at a certain tennis tournament in NYC where (ironically) the ushers themselves would gather in a horde and block the hallway, then seem annoyed when you shove your way through.

Also annoying is the people who stop, then start wandering sideways and/or backwards without so much as considering that they aren't the only person in the world.

Old NFO said...

Damn Jay, don't sugar coat it! :-) Size and elbows work 'wonders'!!!

Annie in SC said...

I love that you used the term "gorram."