Sunday, May 31, 2015

At That Point, A Small Miracle Occurred

I made it.

But just barely...

(I hate running through airports.)

Time Will Tell: United Bones Me Again?

I recently met with our resident Travel Goddess and asked her to change my travel profile to require (if at all possible) a minimum of one hour connection time on any connecting flights.
4 times in the last 6 months I have had flight delays that caused missed connections and other complications, and this was my attempt to mitigate these problems.

Fast forward to the present.
I'm on final into Washington DC with a connecting flight to SFO.
We pushed back from the gate in Jax right on time at 2:10, taxied to an out of the way spot and the pilot announced a ground delay from DC, and we wouldn't be leaving until 2:45.
(This is a typical airline canard to keep 'on time' statistics in their favor.)

A little basic math tells me that my next flight would be in the final stages of boarding when we arrive...
Depending on the proximity of the gates in DC, I might have as much as a 20 minute trip to get to my departing flight...
Not goo DF.

So... during the ground delay I called United and got a tentative booking on a later flight,  in case I miss this one...

I'm doing everything I can to make sure my trips are problem-free...
Why can't United do the same for me?

Film at 11.


Saturday, May 30, 2015

Public Service Announcement

Everyone- watch your asses.
My Ex-Wife is on the road this morning.

Her car wasn't in it's usual parking spot...


Friday, May 29, 2015

Not Worth The Pixels


Did you ever start writing a long screed about something,
then about 8 or 9 paragraphs in you just say
"Fuck it- no one want to hear my bullshit."





Rules - The Follow Up

A few days back I had a post regarding rules that suggested most were due to dire circumstances or mortal lessons...

This is one of those occasions:


Thursday, May 28, 2015

Only At BBQ Restaurant in the South...

...will you hear a waitress and a customer argue about the merits and costs of 4x4 off-road tires.
Her: "...Had those Firestones you like one season. Hated 'em. Useless & expensive, just like a husband with a coke habit."
Him: "No...They're great. We went rock climbing all the time when I lived in San Antone."
Her: "That's nice sweetie, but this here's Flor-i-Da, and we got mud and sand and sandy mud. Get you some Mickey Thompsons Baja MTZs; That's what I'm spending your tip money on...
Those Firestones just suck ass..."
(Drops mic,  walks off.)

Wow. Have a feeling her tire fund won't have a significant bump today.

TBG eavesdropping.

My Reputation Precedes Me

Apparently someone told them I was coming going to be in the area...


Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Cannot Humor At This Time, Please Try Again Later

Blah blah blah,

Something something:
Elephant Gloryholes.



Tuesday, May 26, 2015


I had great expectations for attending the Jamboree at A Nice Golf Course...
A couple weeks ago I was in San Francisco at Olympic for the Men's Amateur 4-Ball competition, then in Bandon Oregon, working at Pacific Dunes on the Women's Amateur 4-ball.
I had the following week off...
(That would be last week.)
I should have been getting on my little mule and riding to N 33.503331, W -82.019350 with my clubs strapped to the saddlebags and 50 or 60 fresh-water dimpled pearls (balls recovered from golf course ponds around North Florida) and a pair of football cleats instead of FootJoys (hey, you gotta improvise...).

But no. Sadly, it was not to be.
I got a call whilst in Bandon- The crew that was doing the 3D course scanning in Sacramento (for the Senior US Open) was moving on to Lancaster PA to do the scanning for the Women's US Open and needed some assistance.
Guess what they wanted me to do...

As the old movie trope goes-
"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one."

When I should have been teeing off at Augusta...

I was running a Trimble TX8 scanner... A 60lb laser scanner made for creating high-resolution 3D topographical scans. (Note the sunburned noggin.)

It takes between 12 and 21 scans to cover each hole...
...And about 3-5 minutes to setup the scanner to run, 3 minutes to scan, and 2-3 minutes to hump the laser to the next location for scanning.

My man Clayton- having a little fun at my expense-
"Dude- don't even joke around - You drop that $80,000 laser in the creek and we're all going to have to move to Bugtussle Idaho to avoid the posse that will be looking for us..."

Fun fun fun...

So, Monday to Friday- I was enjoying Lancaster CC- where my pedometer told me I walked about 12-16 miles a day, lost my hat and got a really nice sunburn, while all my compatriots were playing that marvelous course in Georgia.

On the whole I really wish I was in Augusta...

I was really looking forward to the outing and seeing some of our group again, but, alas, perhaps next year...

Next up- Finals. NBA Finals.


Thursday, May 14, 2015

Pop Quiz


Things I Trust More Than Hillary Clinton

• A wolverine with a ‘pet me’ sign
• A mixed drink served by Bill Cosby
• A straight shave from Jodi Arias
• An elevator ride with Ray Rice
• Browns going to the Super Bowl
• Brian Williams' memory
• Pete Carroll coaching decisions
• Loch Ness monster sightings
• Pinocchio
• The Boy that cried Wolf
• A snapping turtle in a mud bath
• A Nigerian inheritance email
• A pilot alone in the cockpit
• A factory packed parachute
• A test fart in bed with the flu
• Tying Anthony Weiner’s shoes
• Harry Reid’s exercise equipment
• A kiss from Judas
• An Afghan wearing a backpack
• A Dana White apology
• Keeping my healthcare plan
• A North Korean trial
• A BIC pen that won’t leak
• A tuna fish sandwich left on a city bus
• Bill Clinton and an underage girl

H/T to KK for the coffee-snort-inducing email...


Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Rumor Control: New Firearm Development

Word around the campfire is that Ruger is working with Democrats and the Obama White House to develop a new firearm...

It will be called The Union Worker

You can't fire it...


Tuesday, May 12, 2015


Sage wisdom that should be remembered:

"Every safety rule is usually written in blood."

Never heard that one before... and it makes such a great impression...


On the Shelf

Why don't we have this in the grocery store in Florida?

This shit, however, they can keep.

Seriously, Why?


Monday, May 11, 2015

Loaded Questions: PGA Tour Pros, Champions & LPGA Players Will Vote For Clinton?

From the "You've gotta be shitting me" Department

You will see headlines that read something like -
"PGA Tour Pros voting Clinton!!"
 This is an unmitigated crock of shit...
Sports Illustrated & does an anonymous survey of a bunch of golf-centric topics: overrated players, does the ball go too far, Best/worst course on the tour, greatest golfer, etc.
But... They went way out of their way to craft a question that would garner the results the media could use to the advantage of the Clinton Machine...

And such a bullshit question:
"If Hillary Clinton could guarantee your taxes would be cut in half, but the Republican presidential candidate would keep them the same, would you vote for her?"

Are you fucking kidding me? Can you ask a more dishonest question in order to advance your agenda?

Results: Yes 57%  No: 43%

And their 'Loose lips" comment:
"If she ever said that, she'd be lying."

Really? Y'Think?

F'ing morons.


Why Would You Do That To Your Mother?

So, following up on an overheard conversation last night in the local purveyor of Adult Spirits...

There were a couple twenty-somethings -male and female- at the bar along with a line of mixed geographicals -visitors and locals.
I didn't hear the genesis of the exchange, but one of the older women at the bar said something to one of the kids - obviously something uber-cool and 'winning', to which the 20-ish child replied "Yeah! Ohhh... Will you be my mom?" to much laughter...

I reflected inwardly how 1) I've heard this before, (and after doing a bit of research it's becoming commonplace) and 2) it is, in my not-so-humble-opinion, pretty damned insulting, especially in proximity to Mother's Day. Or even not close to Mother's Day...

So- your mom isn't cool enough to do shots with you, or won't let you do something risky, morally ambiguous, or perhaps illegal, so you'd like to trade up to someone who will?
Fuck you, you little shit. Don't second guess your mom...
Someday you may be in a position that you will have to guide a small person to the age of maturity and will have to analyze the 10,000 actions and decisions that become the basis of someone's existence and code of behavioral ethics. It's not an easy job- Do you think it's easy to raise a kid?
Fortunately Motherhood usually comes with a huge dollop of self-delusion...
Remember your Heinlein:
"Delusions are often functional. A mother’s opinions about her children’s beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keep her from drowning them at birth."

As I indicated, I did a moment's research and found a way too many examples -
A fairly good article on mom, #mom and momming especially in regards to celebrity momming can be found here.

And if you want to be really disgusted, check out the #mom or "will you be my mom" hashtag on Twitter.  And the opposite side is probably just as disturbing with "will you be my daughter".

(Yes, I have a sense of humor, and I understand sarcasm and satire, but Jeebus on a jumped-up skateboard, what the actual fuck is wrong with people?)


Saltwater... my Kryptonite.

It doesn't necessarily make me weak, but it is my weakness.
Any time I'm close to the Ocean, I have to go see it... Touch it.
So, no surprise that I would wind up on the beach here in Oregon.
The shoreline here in Bandon has some amazing rock formations...

Looking north from the hotel:

Rolling surf near the south jetty of the Coquille River

Face Rock

The legend of Face Rock
Legend from the Nah-So-Mah Tribe has it that the beautiful Indian princess Ewanua was visiting tribes on the coast with her father, Chief Siskiyou, and in celebration of their visit, a great potlatch took place.

The local tribes were in great fear of Seatka, the evil spirit of the ocean, but Ewanua and those in her tribe, who lived in the mountains, were not afraid.
After the feast, while others lay sleeping, Ewanua carried her dog, Komax, and her cat and kittens in a basket and wandered down to the ocean.

She danced and played with delight, and soon placed her pets in their basket on the beach and swam into the ocean, far from shore. Unaware of any danger, she was suddenly grabbed by a fearsome creature that came out of the water.

Komax, knowing his mistress was in danger, swam out to her with the basket in his mouth and bit Seatka. Howling with rage, the monster kicked off the dog and threw the cat and kittens far out to sea. He tried to get the princess to look at him, but she refused, knowing his power was in his eyes.

Now, the beautiful Ewanua lies in the ocean, looking skyward, refusing to look at Seatka, who sits nearby. Her beloved Komax and her cat and kittens lie to the west, waiting in vain for their mistress to arise.
 - From
Cat-and-kittens and Komax are additional rock formations along the shore here by my hotel. I need to wait for the tide to be right to get a pic of Komax from the right perspective.
I was able to get the shot of Komax that I wanted...

Good boy, Komax. Sit. Stay.


Sunday, May 10, 2015

Sunday Funny

I'll take "Marine Mammal Pickup Lines" for $1000, Alex...



Saturday, May 09, 2015

KA CA Highway 101

CA 101 is a roller-coaster of a highway.

If you get the opportunity, take it.

My next stop - Bandon Oregon. A resort/retirement destination on the coast.
But between SanFran and there is an 8-hour trip through the Redwood Empire.

It's an amazing trip.
And holy crap those trees are huge.

A little pit stop on the way...
6 Rivers Brewing is up in  McKinleyville CA, in Humboldt County...
I stopped in for lunch-

My, my, that IS a tasty burger!

I did get a kick out of their dual-purpose coasters...


Friday, May 08, 2015

Kalifornia... Moving On...

I made it through the end of the Finals with no issues- small victories, eh?

So- first, a little celebration dinner-
A little dish of Crassostrea sikamea- Kumamoto oysters...
One of my West Coast favorites.
So tasty!

Next - a little 8 hour drive up the coast...


Sunday, May 03, 2015

Mistaken Identity - California Style

I'm just barely on the safe side of the San Andreas Fault this week...

(But I still wouldn't want to be here when it lets go...
It's going to be spectacular... But I want to see it from a distance, not from my window.)

I'm at The Olympic Club, working the Men's Amateur 4-Ball tournament for Fox and the USGA. Fun fun fun.
(For some reason, that logo reminds me of the Indy 500 or the Detroit Redwings... But I digress.)

One interesting thing is listening to people that reside here in Kalifornia-
My previous posting (LeftCoast and Redistribution) was an overheard conversation on the airplane on the way out here. It was tempting to kick open the door and have the idjits walk home from 36000 feet, but alas, that would get me talked about, so I suppressed the urge.

Today's 'WTF?' conversation was on the bus heading to the course at 5:00AM...
(Yes, Bus. No parking at the course, so I park and shuttle in with the volunteers.)

A couple Volunteers, an older retired man & wife were sitting behind me... they are obviously Not From Around Here.
We are taking the shuttle bus in from Westlake Park in Daly City.
These folks are big golf fans- and I guess they think the world is very golf-centric.

Old Woman: "We're in Daly City California... Isn't that nice?"
Old Man: "What's nice?"
OW: "They named this place for John Daly."
(The bus is driving down John Daly Boulevard...)
OW: "Must have been before he really let himself go..."
OM: "Maybe he was born here or something..."
TBG: *facepalm*

He's a nice guy and all, but how can you possibly think they'd name a city after him?


Friday, May 01, 2015

Common Core Math Problem

The Big Guy has 10 pieces of bacon.

A LeftCoast progressive redistribution expert takes 5 pieces to give to an entitled  establishment-protesting hipster who is on welfare since he can't get a job with his Transgender Studies degree.

How many pieces of bacon does The Big Guy have?
How many 9mm holes does LeftCoast have?
How many tears does the Hipster cry when he doesn't get any bacon?
Who will reimburse TBG for his investment in 9mm rounds?

TBG- just doin' the math...

No Surprise About This...

Its May Day, and according to local news here in the Land of Nuts & Flakes there are multiple protests planned...
They will be memorializing all the recent protests elsewhere (Martin, Garner, Brown, Gray, ad nauseum) by blocking traffic and driving up the local PDs overtime income "to show solidarity".

Interesting that CA has no qualms with adopting a major Communist holiday and making it their own...

I cannot wait for the San Andreas Fault to cut loose. (But it would be nice if it waited a few more days.)

TBG - appalled, as usual.