Friday, December 31, 2010

Overheard in the Office

Sumdood@NHL: "Can you spell 'Allegheny'?"

Mr Miller: "Of course. A-L-L-E-G-H-E-N-Y. Want me to use it in a sentence?
'I threw the body of my first ex-wife in the Allegheny river.'"

S@NHL: "Wow. How about 'Monongahela'?"

MrM: "Nope. But I *can* use it in a sentence... 'I threw my second ex-wife in the Monongahela.'

S@NHL: "Wow."

MrM: "Are you gonna ask about 'Confluence'? C-O-N-F-L-U-E-N-C-E. Using it in a sentence...'The confluence of the Monongahela and the Allegheny is where my first ex-wife met my second ex-wife.'"

S@NHL: "Where ya gonna put the next one?"

Note to self: Don't piss off Mr. Miller.


New Years Eve

It's really starting to shape up now...  Photo from 7:30 this AM.

(Click on Pic to Enlarge)


Thursday, December 30, 2010

Warning! Don't Choking.

Obviously this is a multipurpose facility...
Just not your kind of purposes...


Wednesday, December 29, 2010


OK Geology Majors-

Where is this feature located...

Info here.


Heinz Field Non-Time Lapse

Looking pretty good now.


Heinz Field Time Lapse

A very cool testament to the work of Dan "Cubes" Craig and the NHL Icemen.


Oh Shit!

(From our "Be-Careful-What-You-Type-And-Where-You-Type-It Department)

Hello, Brandi? This is the Internet with your wake-up call...


Tuesday, December 28, 2010

If You Like Ala Carte Cable Service...'re gonna love Net Neutrality.


It's An AID Not a RIDE

[Charlotte Airport]

I've said it before...
Walk on Left - Stand on Right
The moving sidewalk is an aid to help travelers make it through the airport in a timely manner, not a ride for you and your BBW-BFF to lean against each side, blocking the entire walkway as you discuss hair weaves, Kanye and who that ho sister of yours is gonna be doin' on New Year's Eve while you're on your break from Queen City News & Gifts.

However- if you persist in such behavior, you should not be surprised or put on your shocked face when the Airport Ogre bellows "Move you ass, lady. You're blocking traffic." in order to break the log jam.
And when you give me the stink-eye, and s-l-o-w-l-y trundle your bulk off the handrail so the 8 of us can make it to our departure gates, you can rest assured that I will take the time to follow you to your workplace to complain to your manager about your snotty attitude and your poor representation of his retail business.
Not that it'll do any good, but it made me feel better.


Expert Opinion

It's nice to be recognized for expertise in a particular field of study...
Like HERE...

So while reading this morning's USA Yesterday I saw a sidebar regarding the World's Most Dangerous Ski Slopes.
Knowing that the USA Yesterday has about a 30% accuracy rate, I wanted to throw this out for an opinion from The Mighty Skunk, one of the Premier Boffins in the World of Professional Sport and in my opinion The Guy That Knows The Most Stuff About Winter Sports and Is No Slouch Regarding Tennis Topics, too.

So- Skunk-meister...

USA Yesterday thinks these places are bad-ass:

Corbet's Couloir - Jackson Hole
La Grave - Fance
Delirium Dive - Banff
Body Bag - Crusted Butte
Harakiri - Austria
Silver King Runs - Crystal Mt WA
El Colotrado - Chile
Christmas Chute - Alaska
The Streif - Austria
Lauberhorn - Switzerland
Olympiabakken - Norway
The Salsong - Italy
Racers Edge - Hunter Mt, NY

How's that stack up, in your humble opinion...?

(Comments not limited to The Skunk- If you have an opinion, speak up.)


Monday, December 27, 2010

The Cliffs of Insanity

Your dog- Back to the car!


Winter Classic Travel

Heading to PIT in the AM...
(Really early AM. Like 7:00am.)

(Photo - Associated Press)

I was just working out my "What time should I get up to get to the airport in time for my flight?" equation.

Let's see...

Flight time: 7:00.

Let's walk though it, shall we?

Alarm goes off.
9 minutes of snooze, trying to convince myself that I really need to get up and get moving.
10 minutes of stumbling around trying to gather my wardrobe and get into the bathroom.
5 minutes monkeying with my contacts while the shower warms up.
10 minute shower.
15 minutes to dry and dress.
15 minutes to gather all my crap and head out to the car and get moving.
5 minutes down the road I remember something that ABSOLUTELY have to bring with me that is still sitting on the table at home.
5 minutes back home.
2 minutes to retrieve said article and get back on the road
25 minutes to Airport long-term lot.
10 minutes for shuttle to terminal.

At this point it should be a minimum of 2 hours before the flight. So for this flight, 5:00 AM.
Why 2 hours? This is why:

20 minutes for Flight check-in.
(Includes time for ticket agent negotiations- begging, pleading & threatening to get a bulkhead-aisle seat on my flights.)
20 minutes for standing in line at TSA checkpoint
2 minutes to for enhanced pat down and punching out a TSA agent.
60 minutes for Special High-Intensity Take-down & Questioning after I punch out the Testicle Squeezing Asshole.
12 minutes to get to the departure gate.

7:00 Flight
- :12 Walk to gate
- :60 TSA Questioning & beatdown.
- :02 Pat-down & Punch-out
- :20 TSA Line
5:00AM Arrival
- :10 Shuttle
- :25 Travel to Airport
- :02 Pick-up forgotten Item
- :05 Return home
- :05 Travel to Airport
- :15 Pick up and Go
- :15 Dry & Dress
- :10 Shower
- :05 Eyes
- :10 Stumble
- :09 Hit Snooze

Set alarm for 3:09 AM

Jeebus. I really love my job.


Using the Old Jedi Snow Plow Driver Mind Trick

His High Exaltedness, the great Jabba the Hutt has decreed that this street be cleared immediately.


Sunday, December 26, 2010

Is That A Christmas Wish?

I wish you were a little bit smarter.


Saturday, December 25, 2010

Remember: Cardio & Double Tap

In the case of most of my friends and associates, this needs some correction:

Zombie Apocalypse
Chances are, you're already heavily armed, and surrounded by mindless, bloodthirsty, half-alive, subhuman wretches.
An actual zombie outbreak would just give you an excuse to do something constructive.


I Thought The Silver Aluminum Ones Were Bad

Per TWWKMT: "Well. Falalalala."


Merry Christmas All

Garden Key Light- Dec 2004

It's been quite a week here at the Estrogen Palace...

Mom has been with us, leading to spirited discussions of politics,
mass-media, news personalities, dogs, children, The Keys, cooking shows and more.
We've been cooking all kinds of goodies...
We enjoyed the company of friends, neighbors, dogs and family...
Next - the girls are heading to South Carolina to extend the holiday a bit before they have to go back to school. The Perfect Child is hoping for some snow up in SC, and it looks like they be getting a full serving of Global Warmening, so she's bringing her snowboard.
Me? I'll be doing.... Other Stuff. Yay.

I'd like to wish all Constant Readers a Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year. Thanks for hanging with me for another year...


Tuesday, December 21, 2010

I Should Be Sleeping

Instead of outside shooting pictures of the eclipse...

Click pic for larger view


Really? That's What We Need To Spend Time and Money On?

From our "You've gotta be shitting me" Department

Napolitano Says DHS to Begin Battling Climate Change as Homeland Security Issue
At an all-day White House conference on "environmental justice," Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano announced that her department is creating a new task force to battle the effects of climate change on domestic security operations.
“Many USCG [Coast Guard] and Customs and Border Protection facilities, by their mission, are located in the coastal zone which will be adversely impacted by sea level rise.  Costs will increase for protecting existing facilities from the impacts of sea level rise and some facilities might have to be abandoned in the longer term.”
You're going to start spending money on making sure that coastal facilities don't get flooded when the sea level starts to rise?
So - Jan-Nut, what are you going to threaten the the sea with- Backscatter radar and pat downs?

This is what we need to spend time and money on? This and outlawing school bake sales?

Between the bullshit activities by idjits like Big Sis, and the crap that the outgoing criminals Congress are passing, I am in fear for the country that my daughter will be living as she grows up.

By the way,  what the hell happened to the 20th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, ratified on Jan. 23, 1933 that was supposed to kill lame duck sessions?
Easy coast-to-coast transportation made it easy to circumvent the provisions of the 20th Amentment.

Letting politicians who got defeated return to DC and vote on more bills is like sending convicted pedophiles back to Chuck E. Cheese for a couple of months before they have to go to jail.
                              - Doug Powers - The Powers That Be

We need to reinstate the spirit of the lame duck killer 20th Amendment...


Friday, December 17, 2010

Stringent Selection Processes

Apparently size DOES matter...

According to Yangtze Evening News, a Nanjing paper, penis size is now a barometer in selecting young players at Tianjin Locomotive Football Club. Looking at a boy’s penis size and shape can give you an idea of his hormone level, revealed a senior staffer of the club. Boys with short, thick genitals and tight scrotum are good for football playing.


Why are these guys smiling?

Hey boys... She says she thinks she knows you...

Story via China Sports Review.


Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

I Guess It Depends On Your Definition of Normal

A surgeon went to check on his blond patient after an operation.
She was awake, so he examined her.
“You’ll be fine,” he said.
She asked,
“How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?”
The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl.
“What’s the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won’t I?”
He replied,
“Yes, you’ll be fine..
It’s just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out.”

Sunday, December 12, 2010

And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree...

Luke 2:1 - 'Tis the season...

Breasfast Meat Nativity Scene

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Good Pig Hunting

So we (Jingles, Yours Truly) have been trying to go hog hunting for a good while now and the stars were finally in alignment for a Friday morning hunt.
I was just back from Minneapolis and we had the day off so Jingles set us up at a local hunt club that was having a problem with sus scorfa.

When I got back from an NHL Draft meeting Thursday we headed out to the property to have a look in the daylight, since going in blind to a 10,000 acre hunting ground was probably not the best idea.

One of the locals who handle the maintenance on the property showed us some good locations... A few feeder plots, some game trails and a couple wallows where he thought the pigs would be during the day. Armed with this info and the GPS coordinates we arranged to meet the next day at 5:30 out near the property.

So, Jingles, Mitch (Head Code Monkey and Outdoorsy Guy) and Yours Truly hooked up at a little after 5, then headed into the wilderness...

Jingles headed into the wallow where the Local Guy had spread some corn the night before.
Hitch headed to a spot with a tree stand and an auto feeder and I headed to a to a stand at a crossroads in the southern part of the property.

Jingles said that as he arrived at his location he could hear the pigs down in the wallow but it was too dark to see anything, so he settled in to until the light got good enough to take a shot. He said there was a regular piggy party going on down in the mud.
Mitch got set up in his perch and waited for sunup and hopefully, for some hogs to wander into his area of influence.
I got to my location at a little after 6:00. I got setup and stashed my car 200 yards up the trail.

Just before sunrise (7:24am) the temp had dropped down to about 30 degrees and we were freezing our cojones off...

I got an SMS from Jim- just before the sky got light enough to see, the pigs had had enough fun and had all left the wallow.
Mitch got a visit from 7 wild turkeys that came to feed around the autofeeder...

I had a couple visitors too...

The first was a wild turkey...

Then a small doe came out to visit...
A larger one also came out to check out the area, but I couldn't get a good shot (photograph, heh) at it.

The doe decided to show why Odocoileus virginianus is commonly referred to as a White-Tailed Deer as she departed my environs.

She wasn't very big... maybe 3' high at the shoulder.

After the deer left (about 7:50) I didn't see anything else at my location...
At about 10:30 I went walkabout for a bit, making my way back to the game trail that Local Guy had said the pigs used as they moved about the property.
No love there either.

Jingles and Mitch had no luck with the pigs, so we all gathered back at the main camp for a bite of lunch and a strategy session...

Mitch decided to hit another stand with an autofeeder. Jingles was going to set up a ground blind in a crossroad, and I was going to hang out down at the wallow where Jim had spent the morning...

The rest of the day was quiet for Jingles and I...
I did have something scare the crap out of me- it sounded like a heard of pigs or elephants coming in, and as I waited in my blind watching for the creatures to make their appearance, it turned out to be 2 armadillos.

At 5pm I did hear a rifle shot up to the north... It was either Jingles or Mitch-

It was Mitch...

Yeah baby... about 60 or 70 pounds

We field dressed her there at the camp...

Mitch, Miss Piggy & Jingles

It took us about an hour to skin and gut her- sundown was at 5:30, and by the time we got her up on the gambrel it was dark and we were using our car's headlights to illuminate our work.
I'll spare you the pics of the actual skinning and gutting.
She was down to about 40 lbs when we put her in the cooler.

But the saga doesn't end here...

Oh no...

At 8:30 this AM I was at Jingle's house.
I had a large Captain and Coke in hand and we were rigging the Caja China for roasting our little friend.

9:00 -

Rigged and ready for the heat!

Ready to flip her over...

Mitch showed up around 11 or so with 3 of his young'uns in tow. We sat around the Caja China telling stories and harassing his kids until the temp probe hit 190, whereupon we fell upon the carcass with the gusto of a hound dog...

Mmmm. Tasty.

Part of the exercise was research... how long it would take to cook a skinned pig, see how gamey the pork would taste, and besides, it's always nice to have a little cook-out with friends.

I did get to take home a small doggie bag; Mitch got a great take-home package with one of the back legs and one of the tenderloins to share with his better half and the rest of his brood.

We're ready to go again soon...


Wednesday, December 08, 2010

First Couples - Before & After

Semi-Constant Reader KK sent a little goodie to me via e-mail;
I got a tickle out of it, so I figured I'd share it with y'all.

Before and After pics of the last few US Presidents and their wives.

Jimmy & Rosalynn

Ronnie and Nancy

George the First and Barbara

Bill & Hillary

George the Second and Laura

Barack & Michelle

Yeah- reading that teleprompter will take its toll...


Bitch Bitch Bitch... It's all I ever do.

Welcome to Minneapolis/St.Paul.
Temp:10 degrees.

Jeebus it's cold here...
And the $30 dollar cab ride from MSP to downtown is not improving my mood.

And adding insult to injury, when New Travel Girl booked my air tix and accommodations, there were no non-smoking rooms available in the hotel-of-choice.
(Choice = Hotel closest to Xcel Arena. This here Holiday Inn is right across the skreet from yon arena. Walking distance, that is. Even in 10 degree weather.)
I asked her to see if they could indicate on the reservation that I'd like a non-smoking room if at all possible.

So here I am, trying to thaw in a room redolent of Nicotiana Tabacum.

The fun starts tomorrow AM...


Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Once More Into The Breach, Dear Friends, Once More

Off to Minneapolis / St. Paul today.

1:55 flight.

I'm figuring it'll be Gojira vs. The TSA Monster from 11:55a to 1:00p or so...
If I get "randomly picked" for nudie-scoping and testicle squeeze for the fifth time in a row, things are going to go downhill swiftly.

But let's forget that for the moment- it's all a struggle for a decent seat (bulkhead, aisle, naturally) and arranging financing for the seat upgrade and for my checked baggage fee.
I'll be so worked up at that point, the TSA goons will be scared to juggle my cojones for fear of getting a spontaneous electrical shock.


Update: 12:10pm

TSA Annoy-o-Tron directs me to Lane 1; Standard mag-and-bag.
No Backscatter, no testicle massage.

I was gonna get me an ear too.


Travelin' - Pittsburgh

I've just returned from a little sojourn to Pittsburgh to check out the Stadium for the NHL 2011 Winter Classic...
In my infinite wisdom I decided to drive from Jax to Three Rivers...
Just my luck, the trip coincided with the cold from/weather system that passed through the Northeast on the way out to sea...

I caught the leading edge on Tuesday night - As I climbed up I-77 outside Mt Airy I got rain and 25mph winds and finally hung it up in Hillsville VA. The next morning the snow started.

It was ugly as I crossed through West Virginia.

It too most of the day Wednesday to get to Pittsburgh.
The snow kept falling the whole time I was there, most of the time it was little pain-in-the-ass flurries, but there was some definite accumulation along the highways.

Had dinner with JR on Wednesday night where he came up with the Quote of the Week:
"I don't start rumors, but I'm not opposed to spreading them."

Thursday we had our tour of the stadium...

This is where Bad Phil and The Boys will be working...

The view of the field from the scoring position.
Not too shabby.

Heinz Field Scoreboard in Hockey mode...
The space to the right is 16:9 for video and the space beneath the scorebox is for sponsor/marketing content.

This is the view back up to the Scoring Position from field level.

I got a peek at all the internal IT infrastructure in the stadium as part of my pre-planning for the game.

"Cut the gray wire............ But first, cut the blue wire."

The Winter Classic is going to be a hoot. Penguins vs. Capitals.
Be sure to tune in, 1:00 New Years Day.

I headed back- the weather was still crappy all the way down to Charlotte.
A bit stressful at times, but it was better than getting the full body rub from the TSA.

Next stop- Minneapolis


Monday, December 06, 2010


(Dear TBG & Constant Readers,
Sorry my posting has been infrequent.
Got me some issues to deal with at the
place that Pays The Bills, so that makes
them Priority One.
Stay tuned- more to come when time permits.)

Sunday, December 05, 2010



TSA = _________________

2001-2009 - Thousands Standing Around
2010-???? - Touching Sensitive Areas -or- Tightly Squeezing Asses

I'm starting a collection:

Transparently Senseless Aggravation:
Taking Scissors Away
Thieving & Stealing Agency
Tyrannical Scam Artists.
Total Synapse Arrest.
Twisted Sexual Abusers.
Tear Suitcase Apart.
Truth Systematically Avoided.
Trivial, Superfluous Actors.
Tricking Sucker Americans.
Torn Socks Again.
Touches Scatological Apparel
Thuggish Steroid Abusers
Toss, Stall, Abscond.
Treatment Simply Abusive
Turpitude Summarily Accepted.
Travelers Subjected Arbitrarily.
Terrorists Still Allowed.
Theatrical Self Aggrandizement.
This Sucks Ass
Tin Star Alert.
Three Stooges Audition
Treasonous Sinister Axis.
Tricky Shady Amateurs.
Troublesome Shifty Airheads.
Totally Screwed Again
Thieving Stupid Administrators
Typically, Snotty Attitude.
Tearing Spare-undies Asunder.

How about DHS?
Deplorable Harassment of Selectees
Dick Head Screeners.
Doesn't Help Security
Destroys Helpless Suitcases.
Despicable Hated Scum.
Divisive Hurtful Scoundrel.
Dirty Handed Shakedown.
Dysfunctional Hassle Spree.
Deplorable Human Sewage.
Dollars Horribly Spent.
Desperate Hopeless Situation.
Delusive Hollow Sham.

Did you get the dreaded "SSSS" on your boarding pass?
Superfluous Sandbagging. Seems Silly.
Severely Screwing Someones Schedule.
Sniffing Shoes, Soiling Socks.
Slapstick Sheriffs, Shielding Status quo
Significantly Slows Service Stream.
Slippery Scheming Snake-oil Salesmen.
Scrutinizers Shamelessly Stealing Stuff.
Sorry Slacking Side Show.
Seldom Stops Surreptitious Souvenirs.
Subterfuge Shrouds Snoopers' Stealing
Sorry Sleuths Scouring Satchels.
Sophomoric Sloths Shepherding the Shoeless.

From a TSA Agent:
Tough Shit, Asshole
Travelers Spur Annoyance
Don't Have a Seizure.


This Must Take a Lot of Practice

I'd love to give it a try with my .44...


Saturday, December 04, 2010

Truth in Labeling

From our "I don't think that means what you think it means" Department

Foreign Born Impostor
Famous But Incompetent
Firm Believer in Islam
Full Blown Idiot