Friday, August 28, 2009

Mmmmm. Tasty. (Not!)

I see what Constant Reader Luc is serving up for
the Labor Labour Day weekend...

Poutine Spring Rolls...
Spring rolls filled with french fries and cheese curd served with a gravy dipping sauce.

(via This Is Why You're Fat "Where dreams become heart attacks".)

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Quote of the Event - US Open (Probably NSFW...)

Received in an email from Zach at the US Open...

(Highlight text to read the quote.)

"My interesting moment of the night. Waitress brings too many Guinness to our table, tells one of us to drink up. After slamming the beer down in record time she says

'Wow, I bet he eats pussy like a champ.'"


That's all I can say.



Something else to look forward to under Obamacare

The British Medical Association (BMA) and Association of Chief Police Officers have discussed ways in which doctors can be made aware of patients who own firearms.

The BMA's plan to "tag" - or highlight - the medical records of patients who have shotgun or firearms licenses...


Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Catching Up: USOpen TWSS

MikeC: "I almost took that one in the eye."
Dingo: "That's what she said."
Everyone else: "Ewww!"


Dingo: "It'll have to go through from both sides."
YT: "That's what she said."
(And she probably said "ouch ouch ouch!" immediately afterward.)


Friday, August 21, 2009


Oh, I've gotta get me one of these...

I know; I looked re-dicking-fuckulous pedaling my bicycle around the Olympic Green in Beijing this time last year... I'd look even worse riding this beastie.

But still... It's pretty cool.


Thursday, August 20, 2009

Anger-Driven Airport Violence

...and I wasn't even in the country at the time!

China Eastern Battle Royale in Beijing

See, all you Constant Readers that think I'm the one who causes all the bizarre behavior that I encounter whilst traveling.

These people got pissed due to a weather-related flight delay then some poor communications about how to kill 7+ hours in Beijing Capitol Airport.

Granted, if I had been on the flight, I'd have been ticked, but not enough to take a swing at a Gate Attendant...

I must be getting soft in my old age.


Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Another Interesting New Blogger

A Dixie Carpetbagger

Brief, to the point, conservative blogger...
Nice stuff, Dixie-

Constant Readers: Go, read, be entertained.


Tuesday, August 11, 2009

They'll Write A Policy On Anything These Days.

From some UK entertainment rag:

Elly to insure her quiff.

She's insuring her... what?
Just a second...

( to the rescue!!)

...Her Quiff


I was thinking of something else.

Never mind...


Sunday, August 09, 2009

Got Collagen?

So...being on several Delta/NorthWest flights in the last week, I have been frightened several times by looking up during the pre-flight safety video and being confronted by the Delta Safety Girl...

Katherine Lee... A high-cheekboned redhead with waaaay too much lip-plumping.
She looks like a sad cross between Lucille Ball and Angelina Jolie...

Here's the video, if you'd like to share my pain...

And the smarmy finger-wagging during her
"Smoking ... is not allowed, on any Delta flight."
has me hoping that I run into her on a flight sometime...
I'll give her something to wag her finger over.


Thursday, August 06, 2009

Rock and Roll Airlines

Well, I'm on the plane...

Still on the ground right now, but all signs are good.

Chuck, Kirkwood, Sean and the girls are all stuck in Taipei until at least tomorrow. I'm going to have to send the folks at NBA travel a thank you card for putting me on this flight.

The first 30 minutes in the flight are going to be the exciting ones...

Sitting on the ground at the gate this plane is shaking like a dog trying to pass a peach pit...

The climb-out of TPE is going to be a carnival ride. We have sustained 80kph winds outside... Nothing like riding the Vomit Comet to Narita, 3 hours of retching and gagging... And not in the good way, if you know what I mean.


Caption Contest

Okay Constant Readers, let's see what you've got.
Caption this pic.
The winner gets 2 pimento cheese sandwiches from The Masters that have been languishing in the back of my fridge since April.


Tryin' to Reason With Hurricane Season

Well, all the flight status sites are telling me we are still a go for 9:00, so I'm in the back of a black Toyota sedan speeding through the deserted streets of Taipei.

We're making good time, so I should get to the airport in just under 30 minutes...
We have steady rain and and 40 mph winds, gusting up to 55.
Who knows- maybe I'll make it, maybe I'll be stuck... C'est la vie.

The bad part- if I miss my connection in Narita, it may be 2 or 3 days to get me onto a flight... The flights are pretty full.
I guess I'll get to be one of those poor bastards on standby that get left behind...

Taipei seems like a pretty nice place-
Wish I'd been able to see more than just the hotel, the arena, a Japanese grill and Room 18.
Maybe next time...


Turning Into A Pumpkin at Midnight.

So the festivities were just getting rolling at Room18 with Sean, Kirkwood and the guys from NBA Taiwan.

All their flights have been canceled, but I still have a car coming to get me at 600...

Everyone was gathered at a booth table near the back wall and an (obviously) inebriated Chinese man came up and started greeting everyone in typical drunk Asian - leaning in close, speaking in tongues, elaborate enthusiastic handshakes, and a huge face-splitting grin...

He gets around to Kirkwood and as gets a good look at him, he reaches up and puts one hand to one side of Kirkwood's face...

"Ah!...Black people!" He said, grinning even wider.


Kirkwood broke up laughing...Sean just turned away to keep from laughing in the guys face...

On that note I was outta there...

Gotta pack my bag and keep the positive waves going for my flight...


So Far, So Good

Flight Status
Fri, 07 Aug 2009
Status: Early
Departure Taipei (TPE)
Scheduled 9:35am 07 Aug

Estimated 9:00am 07 Aug

Arrival Tokyo (NRT)
Scheduled 1:55pm 07 Aug
Estimated 1:20pm07 Aug

Moving the flight time up?

Ok...I'll buy that.


This Can Only End In Tears...

...Or a massive infection and possibly gangrene.

We stopped by a "little club" for an after-dinner drink... A cozy little place with 400 or so of Taipei's Pretty People...
In one of the booths there was a girl getting a full-on 4-color tattoo...
I'm a little skeptical of the hygene at most tattoo parlors in the US. I'm just horrified at the thought of getting a tat in a crowded bar in Taiwan as the storm rages outside.
WTF is this chick thinking?!

(PS - Sorry about the crackberry picture. I don't take my good camera out at night since the Tongren Incident.)

TBG -Riding out the Storm- - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

The Next 15 Hours Will Be Interesting...

From CWB (China Weather Bureau)
"Severe tropical storm Morakot has intensified rapidly over the last 24 hours and has been upgraded to typhoon status by the Japanese Meteorological Agency. The storm has sustained winds of 65kts with gusts up to 95kts.

The current forecast track takes Morakot very close to the northern tip of Taiwan and then into eastern China on Friday. Morakot is forecast to intensify into a very powerful typhoon as it approaches Taiwan."

Things aren't getting any better.
Sure wish I'd brought my snorkeling gear...

Film at 11...


Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Welcome to NVKD - US. Rat out your neighbors Part 1.

I really really really like Breda's Letter to
Boy, it that doesn't get ya some personalized attention I don't know what will.

With The Lightbringer's new "Let us know if you see/hear someone that doesn't think like WE do, call our new department:Народный Комиссариат Внутренних Дел" we are just moving right through from semi-socialism right to Communism.

And I really like the idea of conspicuously wearing the .44 on my belt if one of Obama's Army shows up.
Think I'll arrange it for when the ACORN/Census 2010 folks show up too.

The Breda Fallacy: my permanent record


I Like Asia.

Dumplings, springrolls and bacon to start the day.
*That's* a breakfast made of win.


Morakot Madness

There is a typhoon on the way, scheduled to make landfall on the western side of Taiwan about the time my flight should be leaving.
Rain starts today, heavy thundershowers, mudslides and flash floods are expected by later tonight. Current sustained winds are 74mph (119kph).
Anyone want to start taking bets about my TPE - NRT - SLC - ATL - JAX itinerary getting even more screwed up than it already is?


Tuesday, August 04, 2009



Wrong On Several Levels...

New Sex Doll FOR DOGS Hits The Market

So, how long before the Yulee Fishwrapper reports that Jasper or Cletus got busted in a compromising position with one of these jewels...


Monday, August 03, 2009

Letters to People Unlikely to Respond: Atlanta-to-LA Pee-Brain

To the girl with RLS and the grape-sized bladder sitting behind me for the last 4 hours.


Your incessant kicking of the bottom of my seat for the last four hours is going to earn you a thumping you will not long forget.

The only thing more irritating than the constant drumming of my ass by your foot is the way you grab the back of my seat and use it to lever yourself up when you head for the restroom... You drag the top of my seat back 8 or 10 inches, then release it to impact me between the shoulder blades.
It feels like there's enough kinetic energy there to fling a 3-pound slab of bacon to escape velocity and into Low-Earth Orbit.
The first time was a surprise; the third and fifth time you did it were more than just an irritation....
But you have now upped the ante by using my seat as a pivot-point to swing yourself down into your seat like an incontinent pole-dancing stripper with Parkinsons...
I am just barely able to suppress the urge to whack you upside your vacuous cranium so hard that you'd hum like a 10-penny finishing nail struck with a greasy ball-peen hammer.

Fock it the knuck off already.


Pre-Flight Entertainment

Departure time: 11:25
Current time 12:15.

The drama is two rows in front of me...

Overweight & Over-entitled Passenger:
"You ain't takin' mah bags!"
Delta Security Guy:
"Ma'm, we need to check your bag, you'll get it in LA."
OOP: "You. Ain't. Takin'. It."
(Short flightcrew-security pow-wow occurs.)
DSG: "Ma'm, I either take the bag, or you are going to be removed from this flight."
(The Captain is now standing behind the DSG... He's the one who makes the decision.)
OOP: Long dramatic pause, then a heavy pissed-off sigh. "Awrite- take da damn bag! But if it gets lost..."
They take the bag and paperwork commences-
Sy'na'iqua is bitching to her seatmates-
"If they lose mah bag..."
"They doin' this 'cause I'm black!..."
"All these skinny-ass white girls..."
As she gets her claim check for the bag...
"Dis all bullshit! I ain't never flyin' wit' Delta agin!"


Its gonna be a long flight. Thank Ghod my next flight is at 8 (PDT) tonight.

Update - 12:38 - still at the gate.
(Lost our window for departure.)


Drama in the Aisle

An "overly entitled" passenger is pitching a fit- she has 3 bags and a purse, and the largest bag will not fit anywhere on the plane.
Not in the overhead,
Not under the seat-
Not even in the closet in the galley.

And Sy'an'iqua isn't having any of that!!

You ain't takin' *my* bag.

Oh no you d'int!!

Yikes- I feel a flight delay coming on as the Red Jackets come to moderate the festivities.


Step 2

Man, I hate flying to L.A.

What a bunch of self-important asshats.

Everybody is a special case-
I've seen 5 (count 'em: five)
wannabe starlets with 3 or more (huge) carry-on bags...

WTF is wrong with these people?

Drama is about to ensue-
People can't follow instructions.


Why So Socialist?

From SSI

Vacation Planning

(Just taking advantage of my first flight delay and free WiFi at JIA...)

Looks like a place I'd like to visit...


Once Again, Into the Breach

Off to Taipei Taiwan...

For you aero-philes out there its JAX-ATL-LAX-TPE. 25 and change hours.

Time to do battle with the Morons at the TSA.

Updates shortly.