Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Quote out of Context- 3/30

Judy (to Dave): "Don't you remember coming to my desk and putting your little thing in my thing? Then it all worked?"

Everyone else: "Whoa! TMI!"

TBG out-

New Comic

I've been getting a kick out of a new comic I found...


Read it, you uncultured bastards.

(Cultured bastards and yogurt can skip it.)

TBG out-

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Lunch at Hooters

Wings. Girls.

What more could you want?

Sunday, April 27, 2008


Denver, 4:40 am
I hate waiting for shuttle buses at darkandcold:30
Appearently Colorado didn't get the word that it's @?#$% SPRING TIME!!

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Glo-Bull Warmening

Welcome to Denver.

It's 28 degrees...
Snow flurries are swirling around me as I wait for the Avis shuttle bus.

I don't even have a long sleeved shirt. has boned me again.

TBG- mile-high freezing

Friday, April 25, 2008

Good News - Bad News

Bad News - I have to go to San Jose CA to work on a problem.

Good News - I know exactly what the problem is and how to fix it.

Bad News - 6AM flight, 5.5 hrs in the air.

Good News - Continental Airlines-got an upgrade. Woo Hoo!

Bad News - They lost one of my bags.

Really Bad News - It's my tool kit.
Stuff I really really need.

TBG - waiting for my bag to be delivered. 3 hours so far.

Overheard on the Plane

Old woman to her travel companion as they waited to get to their seats:
"This chicken is so heavy! Next time, *you're* taking it as a carry-on."

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Beau on the mound

The Boyfriend is pitching tonite.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Idiotic EULA Language

You'd be amazed to what you are agreeing to when you check the "I agree" box on the End User License Agreement when installing software...

I recently had to upgrade ITunes in order to load more irritating noise music on the Perfect Child's iPod...
Just for giggles I scanned the EULA before I clicked the "agree" button and this little gem caught my eye...

10. Export Control. You may not use or otherwise export or reexport the Apple Software except as authorized by United States law and the laws of the jurisdiction in which the Apple Software was obtained... Blah blah blah... You also agree that you will not use these products for any purposes prohibited by United States law, including, without limitation, the development, design, manufacture or production of missiles, or nuclear, chemical or biological weapons.

So... Does this mean Achmed the Terrorist can't listen to his iPod while building a Dirty WMD? Further- does it mean that when Johnny Drive-By goes out wearing his iPod listening to C-Murder and Sikk the Shocker chanting "Kill the F**cking Pigs" is he in violation on the EULA?

I guess Apple is going to Eulaize themselves out of the lucrative missle and nuclear weapon market. I guess the rocket scientists will be using Zunes for their development instead.

TBG out-

Cancel my Trip

Penis Theft?

Hello- travel department?

Yeah- cancel my trip to Kinsasha.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Hurts so good.


Last time I got a pedicure was in August of last year.
I'm overdue for foot maintenance.

If you've never had a good pedicure, you're missing out on a hedonistic treat.

Listen to your Uncle Jay- get a pedicure. Your feet will love you for it.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Beau knows Baseball

Senators Run Away With Title
Fletcher's Beaudreau pitches a four-hitter to shut down Parker.

BOB SELF/The Times-Union
Fletcher's Beau Beaudreau pitches during the first inning, striking out the first three batters against Parker in the Gateway Conference tournament championship game Thursday night at the University of North Florida.

Article here

Why is Uncle Jay running a post on a local High School sports team?
Don't you recognize the Perfect Child's swain...?

We went to the game last night out at UNF- to watch Beau pitch...
It was really fun - in attendance was Beau's mother Kathleen, stepfather Alan Halpern, father Bob Beaudreau, and Beau's grandfather Bob...
Now they move on to District competition next Wednesday.

TBG, starting to enjoy baseball-

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Is That What Happens?

Wow. I always wondered about those little packets...

TBG, not eating the desiccant.

Yeah, I guess I could....But why?


I'd hate to have to put it to a test...

TBG, missing his moral compass-

Tuesday, April 15, 2008


In case you have been living under a rock the last few months-
Check out

It's got some potential...

Follow me on Twitter - Search for UncleJay

It's a cross between blogging and and RSS feed for SMS messaging.

TBG out-

Sunday, April 13, 2008


Susan to The Roach at Waffel House:
(in regards to a slice of bacon)
"You want me to lick all over it?"



Out of Context

Susan: "I'm not touching Mitch's mouse...."

I'm not up on all the street terms but I'm pretty sure this is something nasty...

TBG out

Saturday, April 12, 2008


The Caffeine Click Test - How Caffeinated Are You?
(Thanks to The Roach for the ref-)

Nervz. I has dem.

TBG- wired and dangerous

A new DIY Combo

Everyone remembers the advent of the Master's Cordon Bleu...

Well... I've been slaving away in the Listen to Uncle Jay Test Kitchen and have developed the newest culinary delight here at A Nice Golf Course...

The Pimento Chicken... Known to some as the Master's Elemental Chicken.

Firstly, assemble your mise en place...

One Chicken Fillet and one Pimento Cheese sandwich.

Open them both up...

Spread the pimento cheese on the Chicken Filet.

Pop the tasty morsel in the microwave for 30 seconds on High.

Don't have a microwave handy? Neither do I.
But I do have a Toaster...

30 to 45 minutes on the dashboard in your Blue Toaster will do nicely.

Mmmmm. Tasty sandwich.

TBG, noshing.

You down with OCD?

Susan is at it again...

Susan's 2007 bout of OCD...

TBG, messing up the M&Ms-

Friday, April 11, 2008

Pics from the Past

Wait a second...

I think the guy making the "C" is Spongemark Squarehands.


TBG out-

Blast from the Past

Reminds me of this little slice of heaven last year.

TBG out-

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Quote of the Day - Augusta Style

"I brought you some salt for your nuts."


TBG, salty enough already

Sombrero Night - 2008

I'm getting old...

I can't do this more than once per tournament anymore...

The civilized end of the table...

As opposed to the more rowdy end of the table...

Zack from the Wrong Way way too happy about the shot of tequila.
Jake, however, looks like he's had three or four already.

Last time we did this there was much breakage...

As the number of shots consumed rises, the chance of Sombrero-ness increases...

Pointy Mexican hat for the Beekeeper Travis

A big hat for The Big Hat...

Big Red Velvet VanDeWater

Hey SpongeMark!
Is that a sombrero, or are you just happy to see me?

Genties and Ladlemen,

...The Three Amigos! Dusty, Lucky and Little Neddy.

Thank Ghod for our designated driver!

TBG, mostly recovered.


Someone broke into our house last night...

It was this guy, I think.

He didn't steal anything, he just put fuzzy tequila-flavored little socks on my teeth.

I think he shit in my mouth too.

TBG, recovering.

Monday, April 07, 2008

A Little Something for Robert

Godspeed, little taco.

A kiss for luck and it's on the way....

TBG - 5 shots later...

Augusta Taco Quote

After 26 shots of tequila and a mass SMS message to Robert offering soft tacos in exchange for (or maybe in place of) sexual favors, the following was overheard:
SMSH: "I'm going to slip my taco under Robert's door."

Oh my.

Tbg, Ewww.

This Can Only End in Tears

Oh, this has got success written all over it.

Tomorrow is going go suck.

TBG, 3 of them are mine...

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Headline Confusion

Survivor of fatal January shooting fears for his life

Article Here

Shooting... Right.
Fatal... Right.
Survivor... Huh?
Fears for life... I don't get it.

TBG, so confused.

Saturday, April 05, 2008

An Absolut Shame

Boycott Absolut.

(From Michelle Malkin's Site.)

Absolut recently ran a print and billboard campaign in Mexico, inspiring viewers to envision an "Absolute world" - i.e. a perfect world...
(FYI- the border they are showing is the 1848 pre-Mexican-American war border. In case you were wondering.)

So this is what they think (and what they presume all Mexicans think) is a perfect world?

Are you fucking kidding me? Keep your happy asses and your crappy product in Sweden and out of Global politics!

How about this instead!


TBG, pouring every drop of Absolut I can find where it belongs...down the toilet.

Rain rain, go away...

Augusta is marked by the "+", and the arrow shows the storm movement.

Today is going to be a joy.

Hopefully, this will be the end of the rain for the next few days...
We don't want a repeat of 2006 where we had huge rain delays.

TBG out-

Friday, April 04, 2008

Beyond the bounds of good taste?

I just don't know if this is going to work out...

I mean, the restaurant name "Hooters" is a double-entendre, as is that delightful (not!) wing joint across from 450 Harmon Meadows called "Bazookas"...
One of my favorite slogans is a from a place in Jacksonville called Dick's Wings... The waitresses wear shirts that read "I prefer Dick's to Hooters."
Such a subtle bon mot!

But this new place down in Clearwater...

I just don't know.

(I know- this coming from a guy who recently ran a picture of a girl with her boobs wrapped in bacon smacks of hypocrisy... Sorry.)

Head over to Sticks of Fire and read all about it...

TBG out-

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Annual taco quote...

SMSH: "Robert's the only guy on the crew I can get to eat my taco."


TBG out-

Fashion Sense

Genties and Ladlemen, I give you...

wait for it...

The Bacon Bra! (via)


Bacon and boobs.

Well, simple pleasures are the best.
I'm wondering if there is a matching thong to go along with this little number...

BTW- I like my bacon crispy, so the girl wearing this better be smokin' hot...I'd hate to run the risk of getting roundworm...

(and, no... Areola are not considered roundworms)

TBG out- with eggs and a side order of BACON!

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Quotes out of Context

Cockroach: "Next time, stick it in further..."


TBG out-

What's missing from this picture?

Mile marker 61 on I-95 in Georgia.

Notice anything missing?

Ding ding ding! We have a winner!

Whoever said "Orange cones" had it right...

Yes, there is one 3 mile stretch in the entire length of I-95 between Kingsland and Savannah that had absolutely no orange cones or barricades or jersey barriers...

They are never gonna finish that road...
(If they do, Bob's Barricades is going to go broke.)

TBG out-

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

April Fool's Day

I usually don't do any pranking on April Fools Day-

It's like Amateur's Day for the serious prankster... Let the newbies get it out of their systems. Serious jokers like Yours Truly are held in high suspicion on AFD...

Anyway- I didn't want anyone to think I was slacking off today so I figured I'd better put something up on the old 'blog...

(This entry should convince most of y'all that I'm a pretty sick puppy...)

I was at Costco the other day and purchased, much to the Shock and Horror of The Woman Who Knows Most Things and the Perfect Child, a 6-can package of sardines in olive oil.

I just loves sardines. I can has sardines nao?

Needless to say, whilst unpacking the groceries a certain amount of slight-of-hand and misdirection was needed so I could squirrel away the brick-o-stinkfish in the pantry.
Alas, one evening last week as TWWKMT was rooting about the pantry she came upon the package of fishes...
"What the HELL is this?"
I raced through the possible answers-
"Hell if I know. I think they're Hunter's..."
or perhaps
"Oh, I forgot to tell you, I bought a dolphin... That's his dinner."
Hmmm... That probably wouldn't work.
I decided to go with the truth.
"I got them- they're mine."
"Well I KNEW that. Why are they here?"
"This is where I keep my food."
"You're not opening them in this house."
Surprise surprise.
She doesn't let me cook fish in the house either. She likes fish, but doesn't like the smell of cooking it in the house.
I guess she felt like she needed to re-educate me on that- didn't need to though.
I'd planned on eating them out on the back patio anyway.

So- there they sit, a little time bomb in tin cans, waiting for an opportunity, say, when The Girls (all of them) depart The Estrogen Palace and are off to one of their family gatherings in Atlanta or South Carolina. Then I shall wrest the tiny fishes from their hiding place in the back of the pantry and consume them-
Normally I'd place them atop crackers with a dash of hot sauce, but as I was daydreaming about them today I wondered if there might be a recipe that calls for canned sardines.
I fired up the ol' Intarwub and went a-Googlin'!


Mario Batali's Fritelle Sarde - Sardine Fritters.

Doesn't this sound awesome?:

2 cans good-quality oil-packed sardines, chopped
2 large eggs
2 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1/4 bunch parsley leaves, finely chopped plus extra, for garnish
1 to 2 tablespoons chopped pepperonchini
1/2 cup fresh bread crumbs
1 tablespoon grated caciocavallo cheese
Extra-virgin olive oil, to fill a deep pot no more than halfway
Freshly ground black pepper
Lemon halves

In a medium-sized mixing bowl, combine the canned sardines, eggs, garlic, parsley, pepperonchini, bread crumbs and cheese.
Using a wooden spoon stir lightly, not to mash mixture. Set fish mixture aside.

Fill a deep pot no more than halfway full with the olive oil.
Heat over a medium flame until the temperature reaches 350 degrees F.
The oil should remain at or around this temperature throughout the frying process. Using a spoon, make fritters into semi-balls.
When the oil reaches temperature, gently drop the fish balls into the hot oil.
Be careful not to splatter the oil.
Fry each fritter to a golden brown, about 2 minutes.
Carefully remove the cooked fritters with a slotted spoon and reserve on a serving dish. Repeat until all of the fish mixture has been used.
These fritters are best served hot with a squeeze of fresh lemon juice.


But- If there's one there must be more...

Ah! Look here...

Beet and Sardine Salad from

1/2 cup sour cream
1 tablespoon bottled horseradish (not drained)
2 tablespoons chopped fresh dill
1 (16-oz) jar pickled sliced beets, drained
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 (3 3/4- to 4 3/8-oz) can sardines in oil, drained

Stir together sour cream, horseradish, dill, and salt to taste. Cut beets into 1/2-inch cubes and toss with oil and salt to taste. Serve sardines on top of beets with sour cream mixture.

Now- I'm not really into beets, but I'd be willing to give it a try...
But the really great thing about this recipe were the reviews that readers gave it.

They ran from the positive:
A Cook from Toronto, ON-
For those who LIKE sardines and beets - in addition to being a unique and tasty combination - this salad is a nutritional powerhouse. Both beets and sardines (packed in sardine oil, olive oil, or water - not vegetable oil) are wonderfully nutritious - and inexpensive! Enjoy.

to the odd:
A Cook from Palm Beach-
I was very nervous about preparing a dish with Sardines, but I was told I needed to expand my tastes. So I made this salad and I gagged. I couldn't stand the fish, I think I will stick to more normal combinations!

to the bizarre:
A Cook from the great roads of the USA-
I nice addition to this meal would be oven roasted road kill.

to the downright High-larious:
A Cook from Kelowna, BC-
I added some diced lutefisk, some headcheese, and a dash of 10-30 motor oil to offset the tartness of the beets. Life will never be the same

Lutefisk and Headcheese and Sardines. Oh My.

Happy April Fool's Day

TBG, fishing for content-