Tuesday, August 31, 2010

The Trek Continues

Finally got underway yesterday after lending a hand at the breakdown for Barclays in Paramus.
There was a bit of a communications breakdown on some tasking... (Really? We don't let everyone
know all the details and decisions regarding their projects & staff? Say it ain't so!)
So, no bombing run to US Open grounds to fling the Brainstorm units at them, just load the truck and go.

Now, you'd think "Load and Go" would imply a quick loadout and I'd be on my merry way...

We hit the site at 7:30am and after it was all said and done, I was on my way at 6:00 pm.

So... after a looooong day, I got behind the wheel, got a bite and a cuppa joe and headed south...

I had intended to make Lorton Virgina before stopping, but the fatigue chemicals in my system had other plans.

Just after crossing the Delaware line out of Pennsylvania I started to see strange things in the headlights...

Ok... Time to get a hotel room for the night.


Monday, August 30, 2010

Unclear On The Concept

I'm not sure why they think that lamb should be listed in with the beef dishes...

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Starbux Monologues - Part V

Let me preface this by saying, yes, I am a sexist pig.
Save the hatemail for someone who deserves it; Your congressman, perhaps.

One thing we remarked on was the concept of GFA-FFG (good from afar, far from good)
in regards to the visage of some of the women that were on parade...
(a/k/a - a fifty-pacer)
Apparently I am corrupting the rock-solid PatG, since he's not acquainted with the GFAFFG concept, nor the term "butterface" or Fifty-Pacer.

As it applies in this case, there seem to be more of these in Greece than in Spain.

Form the attitude and carriage of the women in Spain, they all believe that they are "10"s, and nothing you can say will convince them otherwise.
(Uncle Jay's [Sexist PigTM] rule of thumb: No matter how physically attractive a woman is, no matter how alluringly attired, no woman rates more than an "8"... The last 2 points are based on intangibles like intelligence, humor, and other considerations.)
Regardless of reality, there is a self-assured attitude of arrogance on the part of most of the women we ogled leered after saw, and in some cases it was warranted, but in most cases, alas, it was disappointing when they got closer.
I do have to grant that one has to work with what one has, and that a "4" that has a well-formed rack and is wearing a paper-thin skin-tight white tanktop and no bra is doing her best to compensate...
You overlook the hook nose, hillbilly teeth and the complexion that resembles 5 miles of bad road in Georgia.
At least until she gets closer.

(Again, yes, I know, I'm a pig. Fortunately, I'm never running for Public Office.)

Sorry, no pics. Get over it.


Saturday, August 28, 2010

The Starbucks Monologues - Part Four

Animal Control

I guess you have to keep an inventory control tag on all your equipment these days...

I wonder if it's worthwhile to talk to the City of Madrid about RFID tags for their pigeons.


The Starbux Monologues - Part C

Starbux Monologues - Part C

All The Rage, Continued.



Pink A fuschia shirt and a Manbag?

So very, very wrong.


Friday, August 27, 2010

Pop Music - We No Speak Americano

I got hit with this one several times this past week-
So naturally, it was playing over and over in my mind during the flight home...

It's your turn to enjoy Yolanda Be Cool...

Catchy little tune, eh?


The Starbux Monologues - Part 2

All the Rage

You can't swing a dead rat on a string without hitting some Euro-chick wearing some form of gladiator sandals this season...

No doubt this rage will hit the States soon, so remember you heard it here first.
There were some other head-scratchers that strolled by too...More on those in a minute.

First the sandals:
They come in three flavors-

Ankle high

I didn't get a good pic of the mid-shin variety, but they're out there...

But I did get these-

Sorry I couldn't get a clear shot without walking up to Boyfriend and  knocking him down...
Next time.

These are the just-below-the-knee variety...

I thought I saw a lot of them in Madrid but they are everywhere in Athens too...

And because we're all about statistics here at Listen to Uncle Jay...
During one three-hour stint in Madrid the stats were as follows-

Ankle- 29
Mid height- 7
Knee height- 9

Now, your girl here with her combat boots...

It's an interesting look for late summer in Madrid, but she's workin' it well...

And this poor asshole...

Black clothes & sox, then the white shoes...
Does this guy think he's Pat Boone of something ?
And the popped collar. Wow.

Just keepin' you up-to-date on footwear trends and fashion no-nos.


Thursday, August 26, 2010

Freudian Slip

Trying to get checked in on Aegean Air for ATH-MAD-EWR and requesting a emergency row or bulkhead from someone who speaks no English American.

What I meant to say: "Could you check if there is a bulkhead or emergency row available?"
What actually came out: "You #@$&*ing people are ruining my $#@&*ing life!"

I. Hate. Air. Travel.


The Starbucks Monologues

One thing that Pat G and I did as we killed time during the USAB events in Madrid and Athens was sit outside Starbucks on the Plaza de Cortez or on Avenue Alexandrou and practice our Snark & Snide...

The following posts are a somewhat stylized narration or talking points from those conversations...

Starbux Monologues  -  Part the First

A memo to women (and European women especially):
Tight white pants and granny panties? Really?

It takes the concept of VPL to a whole 'nother level.

Resist the urge, please.

The Guys


Wednesday, August 25, 2010


For my favorite Constant Reader

Hey Mom! I found it!


Pimpin', Madrid Style...

Dude is pimping out his sister...

 She's gonna kick his ass if she finds out...


Tuesday, August 24, 2010


Why do my most promising evenings end up with pepper spray, a close encounter with a police dog, and threats of incarceration?
I was only looking for rum and anchovies...


Saturday, August 21, 2010


The Coat of Arms for the City of Madrid...

Bear attacking Strawberry Tree...


Arena Fun - Madrid

During our installation & testing phase yesterday, we were treated to an exhibition of Spanish dancing...

No... Not this kind, silly...

Something a little more traditional, for basketball, anyway.

 I was once again on standby to perform CPR or mouth-to-mouth, in case one of the poor malnourished waifs was to pass out from from hunger, or perhaps getting conked on the head by a scoring laptop launched in a low trajectory from courtside something heavy.

That's me, always willing to do my part for the team...


Thursday, August 19, 2010

Word Around the Campfire...

...regarding the 2011 Winter Classic, the NHL's New Year's Day outdoor hockey game.

Seems that they are working on a women's game to be played in conjunction with the regular season game in Pittsburgh on January 1st 2011...

Here's a pic of one of the team scrimmages

Gonna be a helluva game...


Drive Defensively

This is a picture of a horrible highway accident in Germany.

The picture was taken by a colleague who was on-site for an event in Munich at the time. The picture may be kind of hard to take. If you look closely you can see what appear to be some survivors of the accident still in the wreckage. The graphic nature of the picture makes you realize how quickly an otherwise ordinary day can take a tragic turn.

Very disturbing picture after the fold.

Liar Liar, Pants on Fire

I'm loving the Madrid graffiti near the hotel on Plaza de Cortez

For my more democrat liberal progressive misguided ignorant associates,
you need to make a decision about your dear leader:
Barack Obama= Ignorant Asshole or Career Pathological Liar
(My vote is BOTH.)

I just want to make sure you are up to date on the scorecard of the lying socialist you helped elect.
2008 Campaign Lies

Obama campaign would accept public funding

Didn’t know Jeremiah Wright was Radical
Dreams of My Father – A radical Socialist.

Would have the most transparent administration in History
Cato Institute

I’ll get rid of earmarks
Source: Any bill passed during presidency

When a bill lands on my Desk, The American people will have 5 days to review it before I sign it.
Campaign Speech

My father served in World War II.
The Videos and the Facts

Have troops out of Iraq by March 31, 2009
News Video

Seniors Making less than 50,000 will not have to pay taxes

Would not vote for any bill supporting troop funding without a firm withdrawal commitment from the Bush Administration.
He has done nothing but continue the Bush admins strategy and to explain how the “surges total failure” has now become his greatest achievement.

Present Votes Are Common In Illinois

I Won Michigan
Huffington Post

I won Nevada
The Nation

I don’t Have Lobbyists
US News

My Campaign Had Nothing To Do With The 1984 Ad
Crooks and Liars

I Have Always Been Against Iraq
Washington Post

My Wife Didn’t Mean What She Said About Pride In Country

Barack was never an ACORN trainer and never worked for ACORN in any other capacity.
Obama Campaign Video

I Barely Know Rezko
Sun Times

My Church Is Like Any Other Christian Church
ABC News

(Nota bene: These are just the easiest to document... There are plenty more.)

Lies During First Year in Office

I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.
Obama Inaugaration. 20 Jan 2009

Health Care deals will be covered on C-span
Obama Lies

Recovery Act will save or create jobs
ABC News

Unemployment rate will be 8.5% without stimulus.
Obama Lies

I happen to be a proponent of a single payer universal health care plan

We have launched a housing plan that will help responsible families facing the threat of foreclosure lower their monthly payments and refinance their mortgages.
Obama Lies

I am not somebody who promotes same-sex marriage.

Guantanamo bay to be closed within a year
Council on Foreign Relations.

Won’t Raise taxes on those making less than 250,000 per year.
Businessweek: Obama Agnostic on taxes
List of Tax Promise Violations

Lies During Second Year

Reform will also rein in the abuse and excess that nearly brought down our financial system. It will finally bring transparency to the kinds of complex, risky transactions that helped trigger the financial crisis.
Obama Lies About Financial Reform Bill

All Americans WILL BE, “surprised, disappointed and angry” about lockerbie bomber
Obama Memo

I will not rest until the BP Oil Spill stops
Obama’s Schedule

The health care bill will not increase the deficit by one dime.

You're kidding, right?

“Under our plan, no federal dollars will be used to fund abortions, and federal conscience laws will remain in place.”
U.S. Capitol, Washington, D.C., September 9, 2009.

ObamaCare Fee is not a new tax
Obama denies healthcare is a new tax on all Americans

We have run out of places in the US to drill for oil.
Obama’s oval office speech in June 2010

Now suddenly if you don’t have your papers and you took your kid out to get ice cream, you can be harassed, that’s something that could potentially happen.
Arizona Immigration Law

The Health Care Package will pay for itself

Republicans don’t have a single idea that’s different from George Bush’s ideas — not one.
Hmm Immigration?

We shouldn’t Mandate the purchase of health care
Democratic Debate Lies

I am immediately instituting PayGo “Pay as you go”
Said during a speech immediately after the Trillion Dollar “Shovel Ready” bill.

I got the Message from Massachusetts
Daily Bail


Do I need to get into the whole foreign ass-kissing, bowing and scraping he's been doing/
How about the thugs and political criminals he has on his staff and cabinet?
Shall we discuss his propensity to play golf or go on vacation as he admonishes the American people to tighten their belts and get  ready for some tough times?
Do you like how he encourages voter fraud and intimidation, then keeps his department of "justice" from investigating or prosecuting criminals involved in the same?
And what about the whole Acorn thing?  That's a friggin' hole with no bottom...

via Obama Lies

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Fish Humor


Signs of Our Times - Madrid

At the Madrid airport...

Wow. Who knew?


Monday, August 16, 2010

Now My Trip Is Complete

Sergio Z is on the plane
...at the very last second PeterS & MaryM strolled on board.

It's going to be muy caliente in Madrid.


Insult to Injury

Dear Continental,
This is complete and utter bullshit.
First, we have to fly in these commuter jets, which are just glorified toothpaste tubes with wings.
And since the friggin' plane is so small, I have to gate check my carry-on bag, further damaging my psyche.
To cap it off, the flight attendant re-assigned my seat (A4, up in front) to someone else.
"If you don't mind, would you sit back in A17?"
Let's see, pitch a fit and look like a jerk, or sit in the next-to-last seat in the plane?

I doubt that the 5'1" FA would get it, but I have to damn-near crawl down the aisle of the Embraer 145, spending 2+ hours with my size 13 ass in a size 10 seat, then waiting for the entire plane to unload before I can crawl out and straighten back up... Well, it damages my calm.

An extremely nasty letter is forthcoming.


Back In The Saddle

After a full week on the road, then a kamikaze lobster hunt in the Keys, I'm once again back on the road.
This one promises to be a doozie-
Off to Madrid today, then to Athens, then back to NY to jump behind the wheel of one of our 26k trucks and herd it back to Jacksonville...

But first- let me share the fate of a dozen Panuluris Argus with you...
During the 36 hours I was home we had the Millers (the PC's boyfriend's family) over for dinner- a little surf & turf...

Prepped for the Grill

 12 split tails. All they need now is some garlic butter...

On the Table

This was the serving of steaks and lobsters at the adult table. The platter I put down at the ravenous beasts kids table was emptied before I could focus the camera.

Dinner was a great success...
Now I'm off to the Iberian peninsula. Lucky me.


A Disturbing Encounter

My wardrobe is replete with a variety of T-Shirts...
I'm one for a unique logo on my quality shirtwear.
My man Pete is the man for always finding the perfect shirt to fit my persona, as is The Woman Who Knows Most Things.
I have T's from DeHaviland Aircraft, Cyberdyne, TBS Sports (Tokyo Broadcasting), several retro NBA team shirts, Goodwill Games, and a few unobtrusive Keys-centric T's.
I even have a novelty t-shirt from BeerTap Tees with the built-in bottlecap remover.
I have a shirt with the small logo from Weyland-Yutani, which no one ever recognizes, except for Chris Thorn who noticed it one Florida Georgia weekend...

CT: "Is that logo... Weyland Yutani?" he asked,  pointing at my shirt.
YT: "Yep."
CT: "Wow. Cool."

Another favorite t-shirt I wear occasionally is from a little trip to North Carolina I made a couple years ago, to renew a few old acquaintences and to discuss straategy, tactics & ballistics. As I was departing the facilities in Moyock, one of my old comrade-in-arms threw an OD t-shirt at me.
OCIA: "New name, new logo. They're dumping all our old t-shirts. This one might fit you..."

A few weeks back We (JR/Fester DanO, Good Phil and Yours Truly) were sitting in a cut-rate lunchtime  pizza jont outside the back door if the Consol Energy Arena  having a bit of tiffin.

I was noticing two young men in the restaurant talking and gesturing our direction. I made a mental note and kept on with lunch.
As I got up to leave I was accosted by one of the youngish (late 20s) Middle Eastern men.
"I want to ask you. Do you work for these people?" he asked, in a rather surly tone.

"Excuse me? I not sure I understand your question." I answered, giving him the benefit of th edoubt, thinking he possibly meant the NHL, since DanO and JR were positively festooned with logowear.

"These people." he said - indicating the bearclaw logo of Blackwater on my t-shirt.

Now, young Mr Abdul Hassan Fuckinwitdawrongdood was edging dangerously close to getting an opportunity to visit a trauma center to have a crushed larnyx reconstructed, since he was holding himself in a  chin-up, indignant posture. He obviously  has an  issue with some function of Blackwater's activity in Trashcanistan or Iraq and was looking to find some redress by engaging in meaninful discourse with  a tired and crochety ogre.

This, as we say in the business, is a Bad Move.

He's giving me the Stink Eye for wearing a t-shirt...
His body language had "avenging my people" written all over it.
The guy he was having lunch with had already hit the door, were DanO, Phil and JR were also headed, somewhat oblivious to the tableau unfolding in the dining room...

A quick little evaluation exercise was in order.
Decisions to be made:
If the situation escalates-
Probability of positive (physical) outcome: 90%
Probability of police involvment: 99.8%
Possibility of temporary incarceration: 60%
Probability of NHL installation delay beyond reasonable limits: 75%
Possibility of negative reactions on behalf of client and employer: 80%

If situation is defused-
Negative probabilities drop to less than or equal to 5%.


"This old thing? Hell, I got this t-shirt years ago at a training class. I havent even talked to these folks in 10 years."

"Well... Ah. This is a good thing then."

"Good thing" my aching,  dying ass... I hope he went and bought a lottery ticket. He's one lucky sumbich.

I guess I'm getting soft in my old age...


Sunday, August 15, 2010

Fun Weekend

Fun weekend...

The Pool at the Caribbean Resort

The kitchen in our room.

The living room.

Dail out at the Hump

Uncle Jay and Menippe mercenaria

The new house out on Burnt Point - the old Switlik place.

Heineken Koozie

Dail & Mike and The Catch

Mmmmm. Can't you smell the garlic butter now?

That's a lotta bugs. Not so many when you divide them up amongst the six of us...

Yours Truly adding another victim to the pile.

Yours Truly, Mike & Jim- looking over our haul.

Keeping a sharp lookout for weedlines.

Some kind of bizarre probe out in Florida Bay.


Thursday, August 12, 2010

Random TWSS

She: "You can put that anywhere you want."

She: "Jeebus, that thing's huge... It's way bigger than normal."

She: "I remember having three or four of those at once."


Tuesday, August 10, 2010

What The Fuck, Over...

 You've got to be shitting me...

The cat, according to police, was in a cage “marinating” in a mixture of crushed red peppers, chili pepper, salt and oil.
In Korea, rural China or perhaps Africa, I'd say- "Well, yeah, sure."
But this is in Buffalo NY...
Story here...


Saturday, August 07, 2010

Going Away Present

JR/Fester and  Yours Truly were trying to GTFO of Consol Energy Arena on Thursday afternoon- We had flights at 5:20 and 6:40 respectively.
Our Man in Pittsburgh earned some huge props when he brought in lunch for us as we struggled to finish our the install...
The ATC Phil- A/K/A Good Phil, Better Phil, Awesome Phil* came into the Officials Office struggling under the weight of 3 sandwiches and an order of Cheese Fries from Primanti Brothers...

Holy crap- what a sandwich!
Pastrami, cheese, slaw, fries...Amazing.

Phil- if you need someone's legs broken or a bank robbed, I'm your guy.

*Awesome Phil is NOT to be confused with the OTHER Pittsburgh Phil- a/k/a Aw-Phil
from here and here.

Thursday, August 05, 2010

No Shit, Sherlock

Pittsburgh to Atlanta to Jacksonville, oh my.

...And now we have a gate hold for Atlanta.
it's 'weather' they say.

So we push back from the gate so we have an "on time" departure (wink wink). And due to the situation in the picture above, things are going to get ugly pretty quickly.

Getting home tonight is looking doubtful now. Think I'll be calling Avis when I hit Atlanta....


Tuesday, August 03, 2010

Quote of the Day

...Pittsburgh edition.

Whilst working at the new Consol Energy Arena, JR returns to our office as we worked to re-install the Pen-15 equipment...

TBG: "Did you find out if the bathrooms had any toilet paper in them?"
JR: "Yep... No paper."
Phil: "I guess he was shit-out-of-luck."