Friday, March 29, 2013

Don't Blink!

One of my favorite bloggers, the fair Brigid at Home on the Range put forth definitive proof that Black Labs are actually Whovian Weeping Angels...

(You DO know Weeping Angels, don't you?)

Go read her complete breakdown here, as I don't want to even paraphrase one word of her prose...
(Plus, I don't want a visit from Barkley in the dead of night...)

But I never really thought about it... Until Brigid brought it up.

Whilst nibbling on goodies as I watched Downton Abbey (yeah... you got a problem with that?)
the Dark Menace slowly and demurely approached...

And then the fatal mistake- I looked away for a moment.

Great Googly Moogly, Black Labs are Weeping Angels!


Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Close... So Close...

Almost got the full row on my Dumbass Commuters Bingo card this AM...

Cigarette Butt Flicker - Check.
Two-handed CellPhone Rant at highway speed- Check
70 MPH Eyeliner Application - Check
Lap-Texting Downlooker Misses Light - Check

The only one I missed in that row was a 3-Lane Beacon Sweep (without turn signal) Cutoff...

Damn. Maybe tomorrow.


Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Rant of the Day - Bloomberg Edition

Hey you elitist snobs:
You need to get over thinking that USA=NYC. (And the same for you fruits and nuts in Kalifornia, and the nepotistic asshats in Chicagoland.)

Just because you think it works for you and the other ignorant yankees in NooYawk, that it will play here in Florida, Tennessee, Iowa, Wyoming or Idaho.

I am tired, tired, tired of hearing some elitist billionaire from Yankeeland tell me how much I can eat or drink of something, how much salt I can put on my food, and I'll be damned if I'll listen to you on how you think my family and property should be protected.

(pic by Getty Images)
You want to end gun violence? "Don't start nothin', there won't be nothin'."

Keep violent criminals in prison. Reinstate the death penalty for capital crimes.
That would be a good start.


Monday, March 25, 2013

You Just Now Figuring This Out?

Politicians = Completely out of touch with reality

Alan Grayson seems to think Social Security will enable Joe Sixpack to retire at a reasonable age and enjoy his golden years... His rant is regarding the Sequester, but he seems to think SS is a completely viable alternative to a retirement account or a 401K.

Grayson delivered a petition to Boehner’s office with 300,000 names gathered by an online effort from liberal groups, the Other 98%, and Social Security Works.
“Then they’ll say OK instead of the sequester that is causing all this pain, let’s cut Social
Security, let’s cut Medicare, then let’s cut Medicaid,” Grayson continued. “This is the first step down a slippery slope towards you work until you die. That’s why this has to be fought so vigorously. Washington does not normally see 300,000 speak as one.”
Grayson, you happy asshole... Some of us working stiffs have already figured out that unless we have a golden retirement parachute like you feeding-at-the-Government-teat barnacles & freeloaders, we will be working until we draw our last breaths.


Friday, March 15, 2013

Before & After

It's amazing what a little makeup will do...

Keira Knightley

Sarah Jessica Parker


Thursday, March 14, 2013




There has to be some kind of global conspiracy that is watching everything I do...
It's the only reason that some many things I like wind up getting cancelled or discontinued.

The latest is Google Reader.

I knew that they were killing iGoogle off in November but Reader?
C'mon. It works!... It works well!

Seems like lots of people use it and like it!

Help keep Google Reader petition.


Ides of March Eve

Et pi, Brute?

For all your nerdly needs on Pi Day.


Sports Exclusive!

Sports exclusive-

First photos of Usain Bolt and his son!


Wednesday, March 13, 2013


From our "Shocked and frankly a little concerned" department:

Regarding a missive from constant reader J. A. who wishes to remain nameless:
(oops- I did that wrong, didn't I?)

"My girlfriend has this book that she has been studying, and I feel like I should be the one to give the review...
The only thing I think I can safely share with you is that the title is the key.
It says '...he'll never forget'... It DOESN'T say '...he'll really enjoy.'

Further the deponent sayeth not..."
Wow, dude... Thanks for sharing...NOT.


Mistaken Identity


Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Fruit. Bat.


Monday, March 11, 2013

Not When I Google It On Bing...

Really- this isn't that helpful when I Google "87 Ford F-150 headlight assembly".
And I really think it's highly unlikely to be the answer when one does a search on "Furry toilet brush fetish pron"...

(Which reminds me, I need to go clear my history, cache and cookies...)


Sunday, March 10, 2013

Spoiled Rotten

Two wheels good, four wheels bad.

I did some figuring on the last couple fill-ups of gas for the FJR and Jarvis*...
The FJR gets 41 mpg on the average and about 49 on the highway.
Back and forth to work I can get 200-210 miles to the tank of go-juice.
The F150, not so good. That 302 V8 is thirsty!
Going back and forth to the office consumes 1 gallon each way!
So between 7-8 bucks a day to ride in dry comfort, or if I have to transport something bigger than a loaf of bread to or from the office.
The bike costs $2.45 round trip...

Like I said- two wheels good, four wheels not quite so good.
Unless it's raining.

Man. That sucks out loud.

I'm trying to readjust my weekly budget, trying to decide if I can really continue to have lunch at Hooters once a week.

Hooters isn't cheap...
(The waitresses are, but the food, not so much.)

All of a sudden 10 wings, iced tea and a tip is almost 14 bucks.Especially when iced tea is $2.85
(How fair is it when you can grind up someone's lawn clippings and soak them in hot water and charge 3 bucks for it?)

I guess everyhting is bad these days...
I splurged and went to 5 Guys for lunch the other day...
(Really? 5 Guys is a splurge? Yeah-  Bacon cheeseburger, Fries and Drink - $14.00 without a tip!)

It's getting pretty expensive to stoke the fires of The Machine...

The rest of the week?
Let's just says that I'm getting really familiar with the dollar menu at Wendy's and Mickey D's.

(The Woman calls the black & red pickup Jarvis, after UGA outside linebacker Jarvis Jones)

Friday, March 08, 2013

Don't Come Between The Dog and His Food

a/k/a "I'm gonna bite the shit outta you..."


Thursday, March 07, 2013

Know Your Hemlines

I've been watching too much Downton Abbey...


Wednesday, March 06, 2013

Quote Of The Day - Oklahoma is OK Edition

From our "Four Rules Violations" Department:

"It would seem to be a very dangerous way to carry a loaded firearm. If it goes off it’s only going one place"
O. M. F. G.:

During book-in, a female officer noticed “something strange” during the search.
“The officer observed the handle of a revolver sticking out from inside her body,” Ross said.
Glad I'm not from Oklahoma- they have a weird idea of Vagina Dentata...
“It was a five shot,” Ross said. “It was loaded and as she turned around, she noticed more plastic baggies, larger plastic baggies wedged in the crack of her buttocks.”
I guess this gives new depth to the term "packing heat"...


Rotten Misogynist Bast...oh... wait...


Tuesday, March 05, 2013

Business Decisions

Coffee Shop or Mermaid Porn?


C'mon Ladies... I Thought This Was Hockey...

In honor of having two of my favorite Puck People commenting and a good Uncle Fester JR reference on a recent post, I think we need some hockey content.

Must be those new league rules where instead of throwing punches the players only get to use harsh language and say bad shit about their respective mothers.


Monday, March 04, 2013

Poor Yankees

You're breaking my heart...

Y'all stay up there and continue to be Good Yankees.
(I really have a problem with you Damned Yankees- who decide they like it down here in the South, so they carpetbag their asses down here, then run for local political office so they can change things to the way they had it "back home"... FTMF)


You know, I can usually come up with a witty quote or a humorous bon mot...
But this one... I don't know.

Can a Constant Reader help me out?