Friday, December 15, 2017

More Annoying Shit - Semantics and Associated Items

More words and phrases that make me want to punch you:

"Let's unpack this..."
"Don't you worry about ____. I'll take care of _____."
"Will it scale/Is it scalable?"
"Let's not boil the ocean here..."
Reach out
Put a pin in that...
Let. That. Sink. In.
My ask is...

Using the term Porn for non-pornographic things...
  • Food Porn
  • Nature Porn
  • Building Porn
  • Pressure Washing Porn

Been looking at too much Twitter...
This is something that feels rude and annoying...

People 👏that 👏add 👏clap 👏emojis 👏thinking 👏it 👏makes 👏their 👏point👏 stronger

When I see this it has the same effect as clapping their hands in my face, which would earn you the opportunity to carry your teeth in your pocket on the way to the emergency room.

TBG - - Exit, pursued by flamingos

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Tired of It: First in a (probably long) Series

Any of several random encounters with other employees and Tampons* ending with salutation:

"Thanks! Appreciate you!"


 TBG - Cringing.
 *Tampons - People who live in Tampa.

Sunday, July 09, 2017

Burning the Two-Ended Candle

Long set of days here at the Arena-By-The-Bay

We had Rod Stewart and Cyndi Lauper in the building last night, and today we are loading Paul McCartney's show. He's on stage tomorrow night.

Right after that we will have Roger Waters of Pink Floyd fame playing on Tuesday night...

(Word is that the show, especially the 2nd half, is offensively anti-Trump. Which ought to be interesting in a town where they booed Amy Schumer off the stage for her political screed when she played here last fall. Thinks will be interesting on Tuesday night. Film at 11, kids.)

I have a full plate of tech upgrades, installs, and other "off season" technology tasks for Wed, Thurs & Friday, then Saturday we have (Ghod help us) New Kids on the Block, Paula Abdul and Boys II Men.

Sunday will be the stressful day, though- I have to make a little trip to Miami that morning.
Back that night, but the activities will be blog-worthy I'm sure. Stay tuner for that.

Current events:

Riding my motorcycle in Tampa is an adventure...
I have to say, there are more idiots driving and texting here than anywhere else I have seen.
I cannot count the number of lights I have missed because some asshole is testing at a red light and fails to notice that the light has changed and is still nose-to-the-screen, thumbs deep in his latest tweet about the latest SJW activity or where he buys his sustainable-sourced hair product or what color his last bowel movement was...
My often-heard-around-downtown admonishment "Stop texting and drive, Motherfucker!" can be heard echoing through the concrete canyons of Cigar City...
He finally starts to move as the light turns yellow...

I had one of the girls from our Partnership group stop me in the hallway-
Girl from Partnership: "Uh... You have quite colorful language when you're driving, don't you?" 
Yours Truly: "You probably heard me making a friendly reminder to some asshat who doesn't understand that when you're behind the wheel of a 2000lb vehicle, you have only one job: Driving.
Not texting, not talking on the phone, not eating, not reading a book, and definitely not putting on makeup."
GFP: "Yeah, I saw you coming down Channelside the other morning and could hear you yelling at the car in front of you. Something about shoving his cell phone so far up his ass he'd have to use his appendix to type out his next Facebook update?" 
YT: "Hmmm. I remember that... Wow, you heard all that? I was a bit ticked..." 
GFP: "To say the least. 

Great. Getting a reputation already. Lovely.

TBG - -Exit, pursued by a Tampon 

Saturday, July 08, 2017

I Like My Coffee...

...Like I like my women.

I used to reply to the common waitress query "How would you like your coffee?" with the old, tired cliché "Like my women: Hot & Sweet, just like you."
Such flirtation would usually ease the sting when I would falsify a complaint about her to the manager then skip out on the bill, but that's another post completely.
For a bit my reply was "I like it like my ex-wife - Cold & Bitter."
Good times, good times.

Now days the coffee condition comparison has been pushed to an art...

I like my coffee like I like my women:
  • Ground up and in the freezer.
  • Venezuelan and stuffed in a bag.
  • Tied up in a burlap sack and thrown over a donkey.
  • Ground up and in a burlap sack
  • Tied up and thrown into the back of a van by a Colombian
  • Cheap and found at the 7-11.
  • Hot & Bitter
  • Cold & Bitter
  • Black, bitter, and preferably free trade (Thanks Dr. Kreiger)
  • Dark and frothing with cream
  • Hot and in the kitchen
  • From the corner and less than $2.
  • Colombian and mashed into powder (no, wait... Different product*)
  • Quiet
  • Foreign and shipped to America in crates
  • Black and without a penis
  • Black and full of whiskey
  • Warm, wet, bitter, tasty, slightly addictive, ready first thing in the morning, and free
  • No pubic hair
  • Hot, sweet and covered in whipped cream
  • Milky white, not hot anymore, and lacking enough artificial sweetness to mask the essential bitterness
  • Irish and stinking of whiskey
  • A little hot, a little gross and picked up at the gas station in the middle of the night
  • Picked prematurely, tied up, stuffed in a burlap sack and smuggled over the border at night
  • Black and rich
  • Over priced and sustainably sourced
  • Cuban and stronger than me
  • Blonde with low self esteem
  • Pale, bitter, and frigid
  • Shallow and full of cream
  • Flat white
  • Exported for an extremely low price from third world countries
  • Tossed out on the side of the freeway
  • Dark as night and sweet as sin
  • Hot, black and with a penguin
  • Surrounded by styrofoam and heated to a boil
  • Completely full and not asking "What do you want to do for dinner?"
  • Dumped out in a parking lot when it becomes cold
  • I don't care if it's black or white, as long as it's sweet enough to go down easily  

    A couple winners for the commuter crowd:
  • Steaming hot and all over my lap while driving

    or it's cousin-
  • Short, Columbian, and smoking hot all over my junk.

    or just-
  • Down the front of my pants

*Bonus comparison: I like my cocaine how I like my women. White and diced up with a razor blade.

TBG - Exit - pursued by Juan Valdez and his burro. (You kids will have to Google that one on Bing.)

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Yes, I'm Still Alive.

Busy (and about as graceful) as a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest...

So, a while back I was getting chastized because I hadn't updated the ol' Blog in a while, so I sat down and dashed off the following, but never got around to publishing it...
After several inquiries from Constant Readers, I guess the word around the campfire is that I have shuffled off my mortal coil and joined the bleedin' choir invisible...
Sorry, no.
Please see the somewhat dated post below to give you a cross section of Uncle Jay in Tampa Bay...

I know. Silence is golden.
(Random thought: Get a Golden Retriever and name it Silence in order to have a bad pun on hand at all times... Probably not an original thought... Let me check... Nope.)
So I've been a little quiet...
Basically I've been swamped with my new job that it's difficult to dedicate the time required to put together a good blog post...
Famous the St.Ass was down here in Tampa last week; He took a few minutes out of our visit to chastise me for my lack of posting.
Basically I don't have too much to complain about- (workwise, that is-
I could go on and on about The Aggrieved Left and their participation trophy mentality).
I also don't spend too much time sitting in airports (one of my go-to spots for blogging) so my usual writing location is unavailable.
When I'm at my desk (typically 7:30a to 9:00p or as late as 11:30p on a game/concert night) I'm heads-down on licensing, budgeting, staff schedules, surveys, documentation, research or resource evaluation...
Blogging? Ain't nobody got time for dat.
I do try to keep up with other blogs, (living vicariously through Tam, OldNFO, Roberta, Borepatch, McThag, Robb, and the rest of the Usual Suspects.
At best I throw a pic up on Instagram now and then... (Follow me at Gojira15 if you'd like.)
But, so much bullshit in the last few weeks from the Political maelstrom...
I find it so humorous that the Left has such short and selective memories.
For the last eight years it's been "shut up, we won, deal with it" and Dissent is Racist, and now it's all Not My President, Dissent is Patriotic, and Electoral College is BS- Majority Vote Rules!
The Democratic sure loved the Nuke option in the Senate back when they had control...
Now, of course it's un-American to utilize their tools against them...
And the Trump Derangement is thick and heavy.
So much angst from The Aggrieved Left.
So, a few bullet points:

  • Gosh. He actually made promises, people voted for him, and now he's keeping his promises? UnPossible.

  • It's funny how most major "news" organizations are now "opinion" organizations.

  • So-called News organizations report "facts" that are spun and written so contextually misleading so they can be called facts, when the actual narrative is pure bullshit.

  • Celebrities should just shut up about politics.

  • The Media (and by association the unwashed, illiterate Aggrieved Left) will focus on one sentence that can be misinterpreted or spun as incorrect, and thus call out *everything* Trump or his Spox says as complete lies and falsehoods.
    (Apparently they just learned to read after November 9th 2016. Where the fuck was this so-called fact checking 2008-2016?)

  • Does the Media (& The Aggrieved Left) understand the difference between "Health Care" and "Health Care Insurance Coverage"?
    No one is taking health care away from anyone. Stop being scare mongers.

And on the same note-

  • All the Planned Parenthood supporters that are up in arms... stop lying to yourself and others about what goes on there and just fund that crap yourself... no one is talking about overturning Roe vs. Wade.

  • And still on the same note- no one in the Trump Admin says "No Immigrants".
    What they are saying is "Hold up a sec so we can get some *effective* safety checks in place IF YOU ARE COMING FROM SPECIFIC LOCATIONS OF PROVEN RISK.
    Immigrants are fine IF EVERYONE PLAYS BY THE SAME RULES.
    (By the way- Go have a peek at oh-so-enlightened Australia or even Canada for some hugely stringent immigration rules.
    Hint: Most asshole celebrities who bragged about moving to Canada or elsewhere wouldn't qualify... But Trump supporters probably would...but that's another blog post.)

  • Popular vote vs Electoral College and Illegal Alien voting.
    The Media (and the Aggrieved Left) love to call out President Trump and his Minions about the popular vote levels and ridicule them for talking about vote fraud (illegals voting, dead people voting, multi-voting...etc).

    Problem is that the Left is usually in charge of the voting precincts where the fraud happens, and they'll never be straight about getting it corrected.

    Case in point- the final election results in South Florida were held up for HOURS in order to keep Florida from being called for Trump and thus altering the turnout in the western states as things were going south for Hillary.

    The Left kept point out that with Florida still a toss up it was important to motivate every John and Jane (or more likely Juan and Juanita) to pull the election out of the crapper for Clinton.

  • And they are Illegal Aliens, not undocumented workers. If you broke immigration law coming here, you're a criminal. Fuck you, go back and come back in through proper channels. And take your anchor babies (regardless of age) with you. FTMF.

  • Build the fucking wall.
  • Tampa Lefty media employs so many strawmen in their news opinion stories that they need to be audited for their employment practices.
  • The Aggrieved Left needs to embrace "Good for goose, good for the gander" concept, except it would be construed as sexist, as opposed to equality-seking as the phrase was originally intended.
  • Thank Ghod I don't travel like I used to. If one of these spontaneous protests had caused me to miss a flight, I would definitely be on the local (and perhaps national) news, and a number of protesters would get the unique experience of riding in a ambulance with broken bones and their teeth in their pockets.
  • I wouldn't have Steve Spicer's job for all the tea in India.
    Steve Spicer: "I love puppies and the sky is blue."
    Media/Aggrieved Left: "Trump hates Kittens and is ignorant of atmospheric science because Spox Spicer touts confusing narrative that defames Migrant Muslim."
So, moving on.
I'll try to keep the ice cream machine stocked a little more often...
It all depends in how much ass needs kicking around here, and how much my ass gets kicked.

TBG - - Livin' the dream in Tampa