Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Progrressives & Conservatives - 2 Sides of the Same Coin

Time for something new.


Overheard at Hooters

(during a discussion w/waitress on various fast food hamburger places)

Customer: "Red Robin is OK... Hey, did you ever have Five Guys?"
Waitress: "Um... All at the same time?...No."
...and walks away quickly with a scowl.


Thursday, August 23, 2012

Condition White in the Tube

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

For those Constant Readers who have TL;DRitis let me skip right to the Lessons Learned:

1. I know the subway/tube/bus ride is boring, but fer chrissakes, stay awake.

2. On a crowded subway/tube, don't wear your backpack on your back.

3. If a group of young males start grab-assing and jostling you, don't ignore it. You might be about to lose that iPad or whatever is in your backpack.

4. If, as a bystander, you choose to stop the pickpocketing by catching the attention of said wolves and giving an ominous shake of your head, you better damn well have thought through all possible outcomes...


So... London 2012 Olympics, Day 10

I'm meeting St.Ass over in Kensington to go to a meeting at the Sochi pavilion and it is actually easier and faster to take the DLR (for a very short ride) & Tube (Central Line for a long ride) to get to our meeting place.

I do quite a bit of people watching, and on the Central Line there is plenty of opportunity to see people in various states of Situational Ignorance. Condition White, as some of us would term it.

Headphones on, nose in an iPad, Kindle, book or newspaper, or sometimes even asleep...
If asked, 98% of these people would not have noticed the Ogre standing in the corner of the door, my back to the doorjamb.
They would not have been able to even describe the person they stood or sat next to, or even notice when the trio of young Wolves got in the car at Tottenham Court Road and started to eye the various occupants, then crowd around the back of a condition white guy wearing a backpack.

As two of them shielded the action from the sides, the third one started to manipulate the zippers on CondWhite's backpack.
I cleared my throat, raised an eyebrow and shook my head at them, figuring they'd just stop and go on to greener pastures where there wasn't an Ogre in the neighborhood.

Alas, that wasn't quite the outcome. I guess they didn't like getting stymied and decided it was a good idea to teach the Ogre a lesson about Minding His Own Business.

Very few people noted the standoff between the Ogre in the corner, and the 3 young wolves at the other side of the car. I stared at them, and they occasionally whispered to each other as we locked eyes across the narrow car.

I was prepared to wait it out, stay on the car until they got off, or until we got to a crowded station...
The looks I was getting said it all-
"Hey, you might be the Big American Guy, but the three of us are going to kick your ass."

And they would have too, thanks to those wonderful disarmament laws in the UK.
I wasn't even allowed to carry a pocket knife... I was even discouraged from carrying my Leatherman by the cops at the IBC. I would have had at least a decent lockblade, except that I had to go through Mag & Bag at least 6 times a day and possession of a pocketknife, no matter how small, would mean a chat with the local LEOs.
So- young Wolves - almost certainly armed in some manner vs. Ogre, armed with only a hand with some skin on it.

But... I did have the luxury of being able to think my way out of a paper bag, and to come up with some contingency plans...

As the train pulled into Queensway (my proposed meeting location with St.Ass) I was watching out the windows past the Wolves...
And as the car slowed to a stop I saw 2 police officers on the platform...
With a little luck, it looked like I would escape ventilation if I was able to get past the Wolves, and over to the LEOs without incident.

As the doors opened on their side of the car I moved directly at them and we all left the car... I took an immediate right and headed toward the cops.

"Excuse me officers..."
As I walked up to them I got a glimpse of the Wolves heading up the "Way Out" stairway out of the corner of my vision...
"So... You guys been getting a lot of pickpocket complaints these days?"

We stood and chatted for a few minutes - they outlined exactly the scenario I described, lamenting the fact that people just don't pay attention to what goes on around them.
Apparently there was a huge influx of criminal opportunists from Spain, Italy and France that arrived in London just before the start of the Olympics, where the picking were going to be easy and lucrative...

I exited the tube station at full alert... Still unarmed, but ready to react if it became necessary... I surmise that they went on to those greener pastures, because I made it to the street level and eventually met up with St.Ass...
No perforations, ventilation or edema.

Note to self...

A hero ain't nothing but a sandwich.
Stay awake, but mind your own business.


Another County Heard From


I see the Steampunk Contingent have left their dirigible and are advancing on the velodrome...

Someone throw that woman a fish...


Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Unfortunate Logo Placement


Monday, August 20, 2012

Someone Is Trying To Make A Point

What did you expect?
The UK isn't exactly know for it's cuisine...


Fun With Words

If one were to hang about the vicinity of our humble abode lair den cage at the IBC, some interesting conversations might be overheard.

Like this one:

"Wow. Did you see how far that guy jaculated?"

"Yeah- were were watching them practice the other day.
I probably couldn't jaculate a third of that distance."

"Those guys must jaculate, what, 20 or 30 times in a practice session?"

"Probably not... They'd probably need someone to help move their arm after 5 or 6 good jaculations."

"Hmmm. I don't know if I could jaculate that well in public. Stage fright, you know."

"Oh, look... Here's one of the female jaculators. They are always fun to watch."

"Yeah- I have some friends in Dallas- we all went drinking one night and had quite a jaculation contest afterwards."

Just for the record... Jaculate


Sunday, August 19, 2012

Wardrobe Malfunction

Although they say that in the original Olympic Games in ancient Greece (circa 776 BC) the athletes competed pretty much in the nude, these days a proper uniform is required.

(Using a broad definition of "proper uniform"... What works for one sport does not work for another. The stuff worn by the Beach Volleyball players would not work for, say, weightlifting... But it might make wrestling more interesting.)

However- perhaps reverting to a all-nude competition at Water Polo might add a level of fairness to the game... Seems to me there were quite a few instances where the uniforms worn by the players were used as convenient handles to slow down or impede a player's movement...

See semi-NSFW pics after the break.

Lucky Bastards

Seems that the the guys with the best job at the Olympics were not the guys that did the security pat-downs of the cheerleaders at Beach Volleyball...

It was these blokes.

Click to enlarge

In case you didn't see it, this is how they moved the items like the hammer, discus, javelin and the shot back to the competitors.
No doubt there was quite a bit of training, testing and certification that went on before they handed controls to these young hooligans...

Personally I was hoping LOCOG would get the guys from Top Gear to do it,
but give their (Clarkson and his partners in mayhem; not LOCOG)  penchant for running into things and each other, it would have only ended in tears, or a severed Achilles tendon.


Saturday, August 18, 2012

Nightmare Fodder

By far, the most frightening and disturbing images from London 2012:
The faces at Synch Swimming.

Image by MICHAEL DALDER / Reuters

Image by MICHAEL DALDER / Reuters

Image by Al Bello / Getty Images
Image by Al Bello / Getty Images

Image by FABRICE COFFRINI / Getty Images

Image by TOBY MELVILLE / Reuters

Image by ALBERTO PIZZOLI / Getty Images

Image by ALBERTO PIZZOLI / Getty Images

Image by Clive Rose / Getty Images

Image by MARTIN BUREAU / Getty Images

Image by MICHAEL DALDER / Reuters

Image by ALBERTO PIZZOLI / Getty Images

Image by Clive Rose / Getty Images

Image by TOBY MELVILLE / Reuters

Image by MARTIN BUREAU / Getty Images

Image by MARTIN BUREAU / Getty Images

Image by Al Bello / Getty Images

Image by MICHAEL DALDER / Reuters

Image by Al Bello / Getty Images

Image by MARTIN BUREAU / Getty Images

Image by Clive Rose / Getty Images

Run. Run far and fast, if you value your sanity.

Recovery Time

Back on the right  left correct side of the pond, and mostly recovered.
And even mo' better, ChrisC back at the office has resurrected my po' pitiful T43 so I will actually be able to blog at top speed again...
Woo hoo.
My laptop gave up the ghost on Day 8, and I've been working on borrowed & misappropriated machines to get the necessities done.
And 'blogging on an iPad is possible, but not very efficient.

So... I have a backlog of Olympic stuff and some London-centric content to post.
Stay tuned, Constant Readers...


Saturday, August 11, 2012

Future Olympiad

Welcome to the 2102 Olympics on Uopuo 7!
The is the synchronized levitation competition...


Friday, August 10, 2012


I'm going to have to call BS on this one.
I don't know what demopgraphic they were
sampling, but this conclusion is

Most Americans now approve of TSA airport searches
"Despite some travelers' horror stories about "gate rape," most Americans seem to be OK with TSA security procedures in domestic airports."
Wrong wrong
Fuckkity wrong wrong wrong.

Yeah... People just lurrrrrve the TSA.


Wednesday, August 08, 2012

Stupid London Tricks

I hates tourists.

Especially the ones that show absolutely no creativity...

For instance, the idjits that go to Pisa Italy and take pictures of themselves trying to hold up the leaning tower...

You know, these fools:

or the mouth-breathers in Paris that do this...

Show some originality, for cryin' out loud!
In London there is a similar spot to make a fool of yourself.

A few years back, a little band from 'round these parts did an album and shot the cover for the jacket on a road in this fair city.
You may or may not be familiar with it...
The name of the band was "The Beagles" or some other such foolishness...

Everyone and his/her brother want to re-create this scene. Fools.
Abbey Road station off the DLR is two stops from the Olympic Park, and every American familiar with said little group of music-makers says, as they pass through that station: "Say, Cletus, we orta go shoot us a pitcher of ourselfs like John, Paul & George... It's gotta be close by here..."

The part that is amusing to me?
The Abbey Road near Olympic Park is Hell-and-gone from the real Abbey Road location.

To wit:
The Wrong Place

Click for actual Googly Earth Map

The Real Abbey Road

Again, click to see the map

Now- lest you get this idea that it is unique to hunt up the location and take your picture, I suggest you take a peek at the webcam that runs 24/7, capturing in living color dumbasses that attempt photographic dorkification and perhaps suicide by tourism.
Abbey Road Studios LiveFeed

Click picture to go to the livefeed. It is hi-frippin'-larious.

The crosswalk is just that- a pedestrian crosswalk with no lights. Tourista just wade out into traffic to get their pic, trusting the traffic laws and the good-nature of the local drivers not convert them into grease spots on the pavement.

Dumbassery on the hoof.


Oops! Should Have Used Hubba Bubba Bubble Gum...

...instead of this IOC-approved Brit crap...


Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Current Events Mashup - London 2012 & Mars


Olympic Products: Official and Not So Much

Official Product: Durex

Unofficial Product: Kangaroo Condoms

Pic by Caroline Buchanan Aussie BMX Rider

Entertainment Level: 9.8


Sexist Quote

Watching Lolo Jones getting ready to run in the Women's 100m Hurdles...

YT: "Man, I bet you could open a coke bottle with her belly button."

Yeah. I know.
I'm a sexist pig.

What else is new?


Mars Lander Curiousity - "The Beagle Has Landed"

Shades of Capricorn One!
Are you sure this thing landed on Mars?

For the life of me, it looks like a parking lot in East Texas...


Fecked Up

Stephan Feck, a German diver in London really screwed the pooch on his dive last night.
He failed to catch both legs in a pike dive and performed the Worst Dive Ever...
Seriously - 0.00 score.
The look on his face says it all... "This is gonna hurt!..."

We all watched in horror. Anyone who has ever back-flopped winced in sympathetic reaction...
Wow... That'll leave a mark.

Good luck finding the video on teh Interweb- the IOC is clamping down on every video feed out there...


Sunday, August 05, 2012

Beans, Beans, Musical Deadly Fruit...

A 56-year-old man was crushed to death when he was buried underneath a pile of pinto beans at the Colorado warehouse where he worked, police said. 

It's kinda hard to know which way to go with this story...

Beans, beans, they're not so good for your heart,
when you're buried under several tons of them.

 -or take the DirecTV route-

1. When Obama is your president, you'll take any job you can get.
2. When you take any job you can get, you take the job in the bean warehouse.
3. When you take the job in the bean warehouse, you get crushed to death under a pile of beans.
4. Don't get crushed to death under a pile of beans; Defeat Obama and elect Romney.


Friday, August 03, 2012

...And That's When The Fight Started.


Equal Time

I guess it would only be proper to give the guys (and some girls, I guess) something to look at after the Olypics/Gay Porn post.
(I need to be careful... Kinda treading on PISSED's turf here...)

Image by Dave Martin / AP

Image by Ryan Pierse / Getty Images

Image by MARCELO DEL POZO / Reuters

Image by Dave Martin / AP

Image by LUCY NICHOLSON / Reuters

Image by MARCELO DEL POZO / Reuters

Image by MARCELO DEL POZO / Reuters

Image by Ryan Pierse / Getty Images

Image by DANIEL GARCIA / Getty Images

Image by DANIEL GARCIA / Getty Images

Image by Petr David Josek / AP

Image by DANIEL GARCIA / Getty Images

Image by DANIEL GARCIA / Getty Images

Image by DANIEL GARCIA / Getty Images

Image by DANIEL GARCIA / Getty Images

Image by DANIEL GARCIA / Getty Images

Image by DANIEL GARCIA / Getty Images

Image by Ryan Pierse / Getty Images