Sunday, June 30, 2013

...Annnd We're Off...

...Like a galloping herd of turtles...
(Or a gerd of hurdles? Or a turd of girdles? Something like that...)

I got a pic of the Wakeboarding trials at the World University Games in Kazan...

You gotta admire their ingenuity...

This is gonna be a fun event.


On the Launching Pad - Part the Second

We recently got details regarding our accommodations in Kazan...

I had checked out the large chain hotels and found there is an Ibis (which I loved in Sydney), a Marriott and several other 4 and 5 star locations within reasonable distance of the site.
When I found out the name of the hotel, I had to dig deeper to find it, and when I did I didn't find much.
Nothing on Trivago, Venere or even TripAdvisor... (And EVERYTHING is on Tripadvisor.)

Where we DID find info on our hotel was on some site the list locations of, um, some places the cater to some more Adult Activities.
(From hotel website via Google Translate)
Non-"Tear Sakura" Japanese-style "Relax" in the classical style (for up to 6 people) and the number of "Lady Boss" in the style of hi-tech (up to 10 people)
from 6:00 to 18:00 - 700 rubles per hour
from 18:00 to 6:00 - 1000 rubles per hour
VIP room "LOCK" in the Mediterranean-style (up to 15 people)
1500 rubles per hour around the clock
VIP room "DISCO" club-style (up to 15 people)
1500 rubles per hour around the clock
The administrator has the right to take on 200 rubles for each hour of each extra person.
Uh, 'Lady Boss'? Yikes.

Ok... So, where are the rest of the LTC staff being quartered? Yep- at the Ibis and the other nice hotels.

How lovely for them!
Cue the warnings about being wary of additives in your drinks if you (foolishly) choose to imbibe in the hotel bar, and to be sure not to leave anything valuable in our rooms, etc.

One item I sent out to my guys was a currency table for conversions...


$1.00 32.86
10 $0.30

$2.00 65.72
20 $0.61

$3.00 98.58
30 $0.91

$4.00 131.44
40 $1.22

$5.00 164.30
50 $1.52

$10.00 328.59
100 $3.04

$20.00 657.18
200 $6.09

$30.00 985.77
300 $9.13

$40.00 1314.36
400 $12.17

$50.00 1642.95
500 $15.22

$100.00 3285.90
1000 $30.43

$200.00 6571.80
1500 $45.65

$300.00 9857.70
2000 $60.86

$400.00 13143.60
2500 $76.08

$500.00 16429.50
3000 $91.29

5000 $152.15

Coupled with the Hotel/Brothel accommodations, it sparked a nice email conversation.

GT: "Good information Big Guy…I understand via CodeMonkey that the hookers are going for 32.86 RUB per night."

Yours Truly: "Yep… But for 100 RUB, she’ll take her false teeth out…"

CodeMonkey: "You can get 10% discount with your WUG credential."

Spongemark: "I'm wondering if we can expense the remaining 67.14 RUB for the upgrade. Perhaps under 'Medical expenses'?"

Saturday, June 29, 2013

On the Launching Pad - Part the First

We're coming down to the wire on the trip to Kazan...

A little background-
We were hired by a Large Timing Company (The LTC) to provide scoring and stats for the tennis competition at the World University Games.
Sadly, I fear that I will be thought poorly of by Famous The Skunk, as he does not hold said company in very high regard.
I'm sure he will feel that I have 'drunk the kool-aid' (or perhaps the hot chocolate?) in becoming a ersatz minion of The LTC...
Such is life...
When you are the 500lb gorilla in the industry, you pay the money - you can call the shots...
Me? I dance with the one what brung me.
They put the key in my back, wind me up and off I go.

(And to those of you that were thinking "But wait, Big Guy...
I thought YOU were the 500 pound gorilla, well... Yeah. Whatever...)


More True Facts

True Facts about the Mantis Shrimp

Watch until the end...


Empathy: You're Doing It Wrong

...And that's when the fight started.


Friday, June 28, 2013

Attitude Box

The Useless Box (now with Attitude!)


Thursday, June 27, 2013

Your Kid's Gonna Hate You

What happened to Scott and Sarah?


Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Oh HELLS No...

Lemme fix that for ya...

There... Better.


Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Belated Advice

So listen y'all...
Hurricane season is here.
Remember Uncle Jay's Hurricane Rules:
(It's easy, there are only two...)

1. If a hurricane is approaching your area, get the fuck out.

2. Seriously. GTFO.

End of lesson.


Tuesday, June 18, 2013

IRS Humor

Since the IRS is taking some heat, a little humor is in order...

The Last Nickel

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son..
He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face...
The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back..

The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the Father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "

"No," the woman replied. "I'm with the IRS."


Monday, June 17, 2013

I Need To Find The Event Horizon

...for my office.

Shouldn't be too hard to find the Swarzchild Radius...
r_\mathrm{s} = \frac{2Gm}{c^2},
r_s\! is the Schwarzschild radius;
G\! is the gravitational constant;
m\! is the mass of the object;
c\! is the speed of light in vacuum.
The proportionality constant, 2G/c2, is approximately 1.48×10−27 m/kg, or 2.95 km/solar mass.
An object of any density can be large enough to fall within its own Schwarzschild radius,
V_s \propto \rho^{-3/2},
V_s\! = \frac{4 \pi}{3} r_\mathrm{s}^3 is the volume of the object;
\rho\! = \frac{ m }{ V_s\! } is its density.
"Why?" I hear you asking...

Because weird shit keeps accumulating inside my office.

To wit:
The NASA Surveyor 2 probe, supposedly crashed south of the Copernicus crater on the moon September 20 of 1966, has mysteriously appeared in my office.

WTF, man?


Sunday, June 16, 2013

Pull The Other One...

...It has bells on it.

NSA surveillance programs helped foil terror plots in 20 countries

U.S. intelligence officials released newly declassified information Saturday, stating the National Security Agency’s controversial programs gathering millions of phone and email records helped foil “dozens of potential terror plots.”

The three-page document regarding the NSA programs was released to congressional intelligence committees, and states the plots were thwarted in the U.S. and more than 20 other countries.
...Except, of course, the Boston Marathon bombing.

'Scuse me if I call BullShit on this one....


Friday, June 14, 2013

Dearth of Freee Ice Cream

I got nothing today.

How about some "awwww"... Because Black Labs rock.

"I'm Batman!"


Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Trouble Brewing Part II

Troll The NSA

7:00 PM tonight...

Man. Not sure I want to participate in reading the script involved in this trolling...

Hey! How’s it going? I’m all right.

My job is so shitty I wish I could overthrow my boss. It’s like this oppressive regime where only true believers in his management techniques will stay around. I work marathon-length hours and he’s made all these changes that have made it the worst architecture firm to work at in Manhattan. Like he moved the office to the Financial District and fired my assistant. She was the only one who knew where the blueprints were! I need access to those blueprints to complete my job! F my life, right? And he keeps trying to start all these new initiatives to boost revenue, but seriously we just need to stick to what we do best. There’s only one true profit center. I seriously feel ready to go on strike at any second.

I just read this article about how these free radical particles can cause the downfall of good health and accelerate aging. These could actually cause death to millions of Americans. If these particles are flying around undetected everywhere, does that mean we’re all radicalized?

Have you seen the second season of Breaking Bad? I just finished it. I couldn’t believe that episode where they poison the guy with ricin! That was the bomb! I won’t say any more because I don’t want to reveal the earth-shattering events to come.

Oh! So I’ve been planning a big trip for the summer. I’m thinking of visiting all of the most famous suspension bridges in the United States. So probably like the Golden Gate Bridge, The Brooklyn Bridge, and the Verrazano Narrows Bridge. I’m gonna bring my younger brother and I know he’ll want to go to bars, so I’m thinking of getting him a fake drivers license, but I hope that doesn’t blow up in my face.

Okay, I gotta run! I’m late for flight school. I missed the last class where we learn how to land, so I really can’t miss another one. Talk to you later!
Wow. Talk about hitting all the buzzwords.

Of course, just including it as a post on my website is probably just as bad...
Guess I won't be getting that visa for my trip to Russia...

(Ha! Like I wasn't ALREADY on a watchlist or seven.)


Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Trouble Brewing

Sitting in my office is a device* that is just begging to be abused.

Click for a closer look

In this era of  'If you see something, say something', do you think this device, left in the front seat of a car parked, say, at an airport, might get noticed?

(The tennis ball cannon in the corner is another device needing some attention, but that can wait a bit... I actually have a legitimate use for that beast.)

*What is it?  Go ahead and take a guess.
 RobertaX might know what it is, but since she only reads this foolscap on a passing basis, she probably won't tell you...)


Monday, June 10, 2013

Attention Low-Information Voters:

Re: Prism

You're just now figuring this out?

Never heard of Echelon and Carnivore?

If you had been paying attention for the last 20 or so years
the phrase "We're from the Government and were here to help you."
should scare the shiving lit out of you.


Nothing To See Here... Just Move Along...

Hey- Look! Squirrel!

How about that Red Wedding on Game of Thrones?

Isn't American Idol on tonight?


Truth and Sloganizing


Sunday, June 09, 2013

What The Hell Is Going On?

I get the atmospheric Acts of God like hurricanes and tornadoes... Nothing can be done, except to be prepared and to be smart about what you do in the aftermath.

(But not the mindset of idiots that say catastrophic weather events are a product of mankind's existence on the planet. If you are an elected official that is responsible for anything more politically intricate than catching stray dogs, and you feel anthropomorphic climate change is a matter of world-wide importance, then you need to resign your position and go do something about it, rather than just spend other people's money on it.)

But I don't get the OKC Bomber, Aurora shooter, Tucson shooter, Newtown shooter, Boston Marathon bombers, or the most recent heinous crime in Santa Monica California. And who knows WTF is wrong with the people behind the last couple ricin letter-mailers...
I mean, I get pissed on the highway, or when I'm standing in line behind idiots at the hardware store, or when I watch the news or read the newspaper...
And I have more than enough hardware to make the national news, but I never even think about using it, no matter how bad the talking heads piss me off, or how often I nearly get squashed like a bug on the road, or read about how bad the abuse of power is getting out of hand in Washington DC.

The people that commit crimes like OKC, Aurora, Columbine, ad infinitum, ad nauseum, are subhuman at best... The fact that people like this are walking among us scares and frustrated the shit out of me.

The only thing that lets me keep my sanity about this crap is when I read the accounts about these things and come across gems in the reporting or from witnesses.
“There were hundreds of rounds of clips laying on the floor,” he said. “It looked like the guy just dropped his stuff right there.”
Just like legislators that enact laws about things that have no understanding of...
If you don't know what you're talking about, shut up.

And I think I'll do that now.


Media Whores

I see USATodayYesterday is still using "choirboy" pictures for the Trayvon Martin case...

Thanks for being part of the problem, Media Assholes.

Why not use this shot?
 (People say no one can verify this is Trayvon. Conversely, they can say it isn't him, either. Methinks they doth protest too much.)

Notice to Media Whores:
Selectively picking a particular crime to rally against in order to boost readership and to cause unrest is so dishonest it is nauseating.
What about all the other Trayvons, Rosalindas, D'Marcios, Eduardos, Tanishas, Joses, and countless others dying every weekend in those gun-free utopias of Chicago and New York?

Where were the rallies and media masturbation for them? Sorry, nope.
Black-on-Hispanic crime? Forget it.
Not enough opportunity to inflame one race against another, so don't look for them.

 Not sensational enough, and not enough opportunity for Sharpton, Jackson, Et al.  to bask in the light of the TV cameras and give carefully rehearsed soundbites.

Next week is gonna suck for people in Sanford Florida...

And in 5 or so weeks, the defecation will hit the ventilation. Hard.


What's For Breakfast?

'Mornin' y'all...


Saturday, June 08, 2013

Daily Squee - Basset in the Puddle

See his alligator impression at :53...


Seen On My Morning Bike Ride

Down in the Jax Beach "entertainment district"...
(Well, it's entertaining to me, anyway.)

Looks like Sin-derella lost her shoe on the way to her ball...


Wednesday, June 05, 2013

Too Much Time On My Hands

Multitasking today...

Chasing down NBA stuff, prepping for a conference call with A Nice Golf Course, and dealing with passport issues for Kazan/World University Games.

A little background-
SpongeMark SquareHands had a bit of a tiff with the service company that does the groundwork in getting us visas, etc last week. They asked stupid questions and SpongeMark does not suffer fools gladly and there were words exchanged...

Which is why I was ecstatic when I got an email this afternoon-

Travel Goddess:  "Should have the passports for (Spongemark) and Chitt tomorrow.

Never one to leave an FYI email unmolested and given SpongeMark's dustup with Olga at the travel service company I replied.

Yours Truly: Huzzah!
Of course, Mark will only have a space on the visa page to ENTER Russia…
The will have neglected to process the EXIT portion.

Protip: Learn to love vodka and borscht.
As SpongeMark was copied on the email, he was quick to chime in.
SpongeMark Squarehands: I have one of those skills down already and borscht doesn’t look so bad.

Things started to get out of hand immediately.

YT: Spongemark's Favorite

Travel Goddess (who is just a bit sheltered from the ravages of event travel):"There is a vodka called 'Five Wives'?"
YT: Yep… 'Five Wives – The vodka that treats you like you cheated on every one of them.'
Of course, I chose to fly Lufthansa because they serve Effen Vodka on the flight.
No doubt, Travel Goddess is probably on the phone with HR right now...


Answer To This Week's Puzzler

Ding! Ding! Ding!
We have winners!

Yes- astute and observant Constant Readers figured it out...

About 6 months ago the ignition key on my FJR started to go flaky, and about 2 weeks ago it gave up the ghost completely.

I originally wired a toggle switch into the circuit, but that's not exactly secure.

Then I found this company:

They make this little jewel...

Just an  RFID tag/fob in your pocket- completely passive-
you don't have to push the button.
Walk up, get on, flip the "run" switch and press the starter.
The key still works to lock the steering column, and of course I need it for the gas tank, the panniers and the seat lock...

And even an idjit like me can install it... it took all of 20 minutes.
(One of the benefits of having all that plastic on the bike- easy to hide hardware and wiring.)

The drawback is when one of the local LEOs notice there is no key in the ignition and follows you into the grocery store parking lot to ask why you hot-wired the bike.
You dig the key out and show him you still have it, and then get to demonstrate the RFID activity radius and the bells and whistles of the system, like how it doesn't shut down if you were to drop your keys while underway...

Really cool stuff... they have version for cars, watercraft, and heavy equipment.


(FTC Disclaimer: Bite me.)

Problem Solving Methodologies

A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.

The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republican's pocket and gave the homeless person fifty dollars.


Monday, June 03, 2013


What's wrong with this picture?


Sunday, June 02, 2013

Feeling My Pain

(Click pic to see entire comic)

The guys at Doghouse Diaries have a clue. One of them must be 6'+.


Saturday, June 01, 2013

Daily Squee - Elk In A Mud Puddle