Friday, January 31, 2014

Post SOTU, The Left Minions Have Their Marching Orders...

...But they don't have their rhetoric down pat yet.

You know Uncle Jay is fond of doing some thing just for effect.
Wearing the Blackwater gear at NBC offices, the Gasden flag patch on my backpack along with the 'Group Therapy' patch... All good conversation-starters at the IBC offices.

I was involved in- (but did not instigate [this time]) a dogwhistle outrage discussion in the commissary last night...
One young head-full-of-mush was parroting the War-on-teh-Womyns - 77% meme that the Left is pushing these days. This young thing is a first-time intern in the midst of her XXXX Studies degree at some famous-name university in the Northeast.

Obviously a fake, but you get the picture.

As she was ranting to the rest of the children at the table about not being able to find a job in her field when she graduates and lamenting that she'd be making 23% less as her other classmates "...just because they have penises" I had to laugh...
Out loud. I was sitting at the next table and could not help overhearing, or suppressing my snicker of derision.
And she had just enough jet lag confusion to think it was a good idea to call me out about it.

Clueless Youngster: "You think gender based income inequality is funny." she demanded indignantly.
Yours Truly: "No, I think you need some economics and business classes, sweetheart.  Might want to look into that before you start trying to dictate HR policy to your prospective employers."
CY apparently has the buzzwords memorized...
CY: "But income inequality in the workplace is documented fact..."
YT: "Really. Honey... Let me ask you a question... If a business owner could hire a workforce that was just as perfectly trained and capable of doing a job, AND could save 23% on overall payroll - why would any business hire any men at all?" (I really wanted to say "..hire any penises at all" but figured a trip to NBC's HR dept was counterproductive.)

CY: "But in business women get paid..."
YT: "Stop- answer the question. Until you understand business and economics, you have no business (heh) talking about how to solve "unfairness" in the workplace."
CY: "Uh... That's not a fair question...."
YT: "Who lied to you and told you life was going to be fair?"
She and her Gaggle huffed off...
Boy- they have some learnin' to do before they enter the Real World.
I was just hoping she would start in on minimum-wage issues.
I would have dragged her clueless ass downstairs in the IBC for lunch...

Remember this?

Yeah- well... Guess what's downstairs at the MPC McDonalds...

Wake the fuck up, Children.
It's a cold hard world out there.


Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Must Be That 'Climate Change' Everyone's Talking About...

Weather be fucked up, yo.



Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Dr. Who - Sherlock Mashup

Very nicely done...


Monday, January 27, 2014

Geography, Socio-Political Impacts and Cultural Extremism in Sochi

"Holy Moley, this place is a shithole."

I've survived two previous trips to Russia prior to arriving on the 19th of Jan...
I spent a fortnight and a bit in the lovely garden spot of Kazan, Tatarstan in July, surrounded by college girls and 40+-year-old hookers...

I also spent the better part of a week on a site survey and test session in Krasnodar and Sochi, where I devoted most of my time to eating and drinking, and the remainder to throwing up.

Knowing there must be more to life in Russia, I thought it best to make inquiries about geography & culture from someone that has some history in that region...
I figured the best source for info would be the guy who conquered it years and years ago,
the one and only  Dread & Awfulness, the Czar of Muscovy, Божию Милостию, Император и Самодержец Всероссийский.*

So I tossed off a quick note to his Dreadness:
...I’m attempting to curry favor as I will shortly be leaving the sunny shores of Sydney and heading to my next gig in Sochi…

Any words of wisdom on dealing with the Georgians, Caucasians & the rest of the rather angry horde on the edge of the Black Sea?
Lo & behold, I was blessed with not only a reply (that didn't burn my skin off upon reading) but helpful hints...

First, yes: stay in Sydney. Why the hell leave there until late Spring, Northern Hemisphere?
(Yours Truly: I wish. Even if only for the bacon...)

Heck, it has been a long time since the Czar was in that part of the world, but yes. As you know, Sochi comes from the Tatar words со (“free sample”) and чи (“whores”), and is truly a miserable place. Be glad you are going in the month of лютень, because the sparrow-sized mosquitos will have finally died and even the old Baba Witch Woman of Odenska Street will have finally put a top on.
(YT: Dead skeeters, yes. Topless 110-year-old ბებია, alas, still topless. And cleans the rooms on my floor in the hotel. And somehow manages to enter my room every time I get in the shower. Fail.)

This is how we remember it. But you are going for the Olympics, and by golly, yes: the Czar has plenty of advice for dealing with Georgians, Caucasians, Armenians, and the Tartary-types that mill about the place. Fortunately, despite the wonderful diversity of cultures there, dealing with them is pretty much the same: you lop the men’s heads off with an axe and use your horses to scare the women widows and children into the woods. If they refuse to leave, burn their homes. But start the fires below the window lines so that the chimney effect burns them up faster. For effect, have some of your brutish men turn over their carts.
(YT: Alas, the ДПС confiscated my trusty Gerber Weapons "Castle G" Series, Czar edition Battle Axe - The two-handed 1721 model- Perfect for lopping the head off a papal emissary, so says the commemorative paperwork- the first time through Mag & Bag at the International Broadcast Center. I did get to keep my Bic lighter, so the fire thing is gonna happen.)

Also, don’t poison the wells: the water is filthy in that area, and largely frozen. To avoid cryptosporidia and giardia, you will want to keep those unfrozen wells potable for your return journey—one assumes you are sacking the Uzbeks—along the Terek River.
(YT: Yeah... I'll tell ya, right now, most wells and all standing water in the area are pretty much open sewers at this point. Nightly disinfection of all outer garments [especially shoes and boots] is the only way to avoid ringworm, dysentery, typhus,  yaws and goiters. Best to just set yourself on fire and be done with it.)
Some Georgian phrases could help you here. “გთხოვთ, არ მომეცი მწერები” means “Please do not give me insects.” Also, “ამ ცხენის ხორცის ფრენა კვერცხები” is useful to complain to the whoremonger that your meal of horsemeat has fly eggs in it. A phrase you will hear a lot there is “გვამი მდინარეში ერთხელ,” which means “There is a corpse in the river again.”
(YT: I've also learned, from a local horizontal dictionary the phrase "ჩემი საფრენი ნავი სავსეა გველი თევზი" which she tells me is a loose translation of, "Please bring me another carafe of your best wine", but sadly I am not using the correct pronunciation as all I get in return is a bucket and a fishing pole.)

But maybe they cleaned things up a little since the Czar was there. But probably not.
 Well... Um. Helpful. Yes...
Many thanks to Dread & Awful. His advice is just like most Microsoft products...
Perfectly correct, and completely useless.

*I have had several run-ins with The Czar and lived to tell the tale, but have been as yet unable to relate the events of that fateful day to anyone.
I caution anyone seeking to go Mano-a-Czar-o with his Awfulness get their affairs in order. And bring a nice cheese when they go.


WTF Is Wrong With You People?

Let me give you a little clue here...

When the fire alarm goes off, you GTFO.

You don't wait around, waiting for a go / no go.
You leave. Immediately.

You don't shut down your laptop, you don't pack your bags, you don't swing by the commissary for a packet of cookies and a Coke.




Sunday, January 26, 2014

Humor Supression

In Russia, jokes tell you.

I'm doing my damnedest to quell my natural inclination to be a comedian...
It's difficult, because I see humor in everything.

Yesterday 6:10am bus to the IBC- Dark & Raining.
I get on the bus-bus at my normal stop.
The bus takes an unusual turn and goes another direction-
After a couple more turns I don't recognize I start to make the obvious jape along the lines of...
"I don't recognize this route- and why does the bus driver have an AK-47?" or some other terrorism-related remark.

Years of "increased scrutiny" by the TSA has taught me (finally) to throttle those feeble attempts at humor and to Shut The Fuck Up.

(It's only taken 40 years of punishment & chastisement...)
But life is so dull without my wit...


Overheard in the Commissary

Sochi Noob: "How do I get to the bathroom?"

Old Olympic Hand: "Try the pasta."

I blew a snot bubble trying to suppress my laughter.


Saturday, January 25, 2014

Sochi - Food Issues

Or more accurately- Food processing issues.

I have been fortunate in not having to use the bathroom facilities in the venues...

I have received this photo from several sources- asking if this is normal for the all the bathrooms in Sochi.

As far as I know- no. This is supposedly a pic in one bathroom at the Biathlon Center...
Otherwise the bathrooms are supposed to be pretty normal.

Normal is a bit of a stretch however-
I had the unpleasant experience of needing to relieve myself of several liters (it seemed) of Starbuck's Finest this afternoon...
I hit the (only) bathroom in the NBC offices in the IBC...
It's a monstrous 12-stall, 15-urinal white tiled echo chamber, and at about 3:00-3:30 in the afternoon it becomes quite the scatological soundfest.

The IBC food is, apparently- wreaking havoc on the alimentary systems of many an NBC staffer. A walk down the line to a vacant urinal was accompanied by a veritable symphony of flatulence and messy bodily noises.
Most of the stalls were occupied- easily discerned because of the exceptionally short space between the throne and the door of the stall.
Quite literally, when you are in the seated position, your shoes extend out from under the stall door.
This situation will not work for me... I need some legroom in this area just as much as I need it on an airplane. I looked at the facilities on my first day and said - "Nope. Not gonna happen."

Anyway- it seems that due to a steady diet of industrial starches, chemically-treated veggies and irradiated pastas & super-glutens, our digestive systems are producing greenhouse gases at a tremendous rate, Kyoto Protocols be damned.
And based on the chemical &  molecular topology of the "Food" (and I only call it food because it is served on a plate) - the rather thick air in the men's room would choke a billy goat.

Avoid the mens room in the IBC from 2:30 - 4:00pm. Longer if possible.

Enough said.


Thursday, January 23, 2014

Sochi Musings

Just a few notes about my first few days...
- - - - - 

IBC security:
They aren't fucking around, but they are far, far from effective.
4 days of traversing the secure perimeter, 4 different experiences.
Day 1, standard mag & bag; Turn on phone, laptop, iPad. What are all these cables? Who do you work for.
Fortunately I didn't bring my Leatherman or pocket knife... 

Day 2, now equipped with special "tools of the trade" hologram sticker and my tool bag w/ Leatherman, etc.
Turn on all electronics, examine hologram with a magnifier, examine all tools.
Ask why I need to have tools.
Leave all tools on-site when I go home.

Day 3, On arrival and clearing Mag & Bag, I am 'invited' to an interview room, where the check out my entire bag, every pocket, every pouch. Mobile phones are inspected, covers removed, batteries removed and inspected. iPad cover removed, inspected.
'Questionable' items lined up for inspection... Hemostats, Anker aux battery, laserpointer, cigarette lighter USB adapter, butane lighter, toenail clippers.
Big Boss comes in and examines items. I have to demonstrate the Anker charger...
He gives a grunt and a dismissive wave and walks out.
Time elapsed: 12mins (approx).

Day 4, Mag & Bag, eletronic show & tell. Frisking. A vigorous frisking. (Hm. This is new.) 
And they find the tube of Vegemite in my bag.
This will be fun- trying to explain the paste-like substance that smells vaguely like a skidmark is a breakfast condiment...

- - - 

Sunup is at 8:45am 
Sunset 6:15
Killing me.

- - - - 

NBC Commissary food is, as always, plentiful but bland.
I'd kill, or at least break some legs, for a bottle of Sriracha right now.

- - - -
The breakfast at the hotel suffers from Euro-bacon syndrome.
Super greasy semi-cooked bacon served in a large pan without pouring excess oil off.
I can stomach only one slice... But I have to blot it before eating.
And that is saying something- I can usually drink a quart of bacon grease just to get my innards mooving smoothly on a cold morning.

- - - - -

Hotel is a bit spartan. No dresser, rudimentary closet. But we do have hot water, and the WiFi usually works. I was spoiled in Sydney with the fridge, microwave and stove... This place has an electric kettle.
It does, however, have a balcony, or as I call it, a walk-out cooler.
I have a dozen different beverage bottles lined up outside my door.
Sadly, its not really that cold- only dips to 40f at night here so far.

- - - - - 

The travel between the IBC and the hotel is interesting.
I catch the early bus- 7:00 am... Its a 45 minute trip to the IBC at that time.
I got the 8:20 bus the first morning- that was 70 minutes...
Screw that.
Home is a bit different- 15 minutes from gate to gate... Add 10 minutes at each end to get to/from the bus stop. Not too bad. Word around the campfire is that its a 40 minute walk, IF the get security checkpoint near the hotel squared away.

- - - - 

Wearing a Blackwater t-shirt inside the NBC commissary is an excellent way to get a table all to yourself.

-  -  -  -

More later...

TBG - going walkabout

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

If It's Not Nailed Down...

...they'll steal it and sell it to finance their borscht addiction.

Yeah- that manhole that was missing it's lid from my post yesterday?

Well- it seems that that's a real issue over here.

They are stealing all manner of things like that over here.
I guess you can get a good 300 or 400 rubles for a good cover these days.

Of course, if you get killed by this kind of thing, you know what the medical examiner will say-
(Dramatic pause to remove sunglasses)
It's a clear case of sewer-side.


Oh My...

A revolver named Desire...

Daddy want!
Smith & Wesson says the monster is “a very comfortable gun to shoot.”
The revolver has a three inch barrel and fires a .460-caliber bullet that delivers quite a wallop.
I'm sure it's very comfortable to shoot, if you have a Smithfield Ham-sized paws like Yours Truly.
Methinks things are quite relative...
A petite ballerina with delicate hands will have a completely different shooting experience with that beast. Not that it's impossible to control if you're NOT 6'5" and 23 stone, but physics & physiognomy are what they are.


Monday, January 20, 2014

Give It A Rest, Will Ya?

I'm finally feet-wet here in Sochi...

The cable services at my 'hotel' are a little lacking so I'm relying on my RSS feed for news...
Seems everyone's got their knickers in a twist about possible attacks here during the Olympics.

ABC News:
Terror 'Surprise' for Sochi Olympics? Purported Suicide Bombers' New Threat

Yahoo News:
Threat surfaces as US lawmakers fret over Olympics security

Senator Angus King (I) would skip Olympics

The Guardian:
US studying plans to rescue Americans if terrorists strike Sochi Olympics
Hey MSM- could you tone it down just a bit with the "If it bleeds, it leads" sensationalism? When you make a big deal out of it, it becomes a big deal.

Regarding the oft-asked question: What are YOU going to do?

The answer is, as always: Mind my own business, keep my eyes open and don't do anything stupid. (Well- how about 'minimize stupid moves' instead?)
This is true whether I'm in Sochi or Sydney, Johannesburg or Jax Beach.
And it should be for you too, if you want to be around for your next cake day.
Running into a movie-theater shooter seems as likely as an attack from the vodka-Kahlua-cream jihadis these days- so you watch your ass too.

See previous post about Condition White children...


Found On Road Dead

It's not a Ford, but it definitely fits...

Based on the detritus around the vehicle, it seems like it's been here a while.

(Click for mo' bettah detail)

This IS Russia- and with a model name like this:
- Vibromax -
I have to wonder if this is not merely a misplaced road-paving vehicle, but perhaps something of a more "personal comfort" nature.


Stay Alert

Condition White will kill you in Sochi.
In several different ways, it seems.
This open manhole in the parking lot at my hotel, for instance.

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Can't Live With Them, Can't Bury Them Up To Their Necks In An Anthill

After a month of doing end-user tech support in Sydney,
Last night I awoke after a vivid dream of being unable to resolve an access issue...
I kept repeating the same two sentences over and over...

"Have you tried turning it off and then on again?"
"Are you absolutely sure it's connected to the correct SSID?"
(This is the WiFi equivalent to "Are you sure it's plugged in?")

Ok, that's it. No more borscht milkshakes at 11:30 PM.


How Appropriate - Beatles Tune

(TL:DR - The flight sucked, kids are stupid)

Flew in from Miami Beach BOAC
Didn't get to bed last night
On the way the paper bag was on my knee
Man, I had a dreadful flight
I'm back in the USSR
You don't know how lucky you are, boy
Back in the USSR, yeah
Well, it wasn't on BOAC, but I did come from Miami, and man, it was a dreadful experience.
Miami International is a shithole of an airport and 99.98% of the passengers flying through there are rude, clueless or just outright stupid mouthbreathers who shouldn't be traveling with the rest of us human beings.
The dumbassery is contageous since the TSA and the airport staff  are worse than the passengers. FTMF.

I was on Aeroflot - I was able to secure a bulkhead/emergency row seat- but it cost me $75 and an NBC Sochi lapel pin. And in retrospect I should have stuck with my original seat. Those seats have the entertainment screen and tray table in the arm-
so you lose 3 inches of seat width- and with my size 13 ass, sitting in a size 10 seat- well, it's uncomfortable after hour #8. (or hour #2).
The flight was quite bumpy most of the way- lots of turbulence. It was the typical "north Atlantic arc" flight path- up the coast across the tip of Greenland and across Norway, Sweden & Finland into Moscow - Sheremetyevo.

The dude in the seat next to my was a real gem...
He was a big ol' boy too. 6 foot, 250 or so.
Russki, with rudimentary Engrish, and lots of logo gear- Gucci shoes, AF shirt, designer jeans. He'd been on vacation and was bringing the tropics back home with him...
He got up to stow his bag and he had a bottle of tequila tucked in his seat, which he liberally  sampled through the first 3 hours of the trip.
"So I sleep later" was his unasked-for comment. He offered it to me several times.
I took a pass on that...
The result of his mild inebriation was when he fell asleep, he was out cold- and he was all over the place- most of the time he was facing the window, but quite often he adjust and wind with his head on my shoulder, gracing me with a huff of tequila-breath.
Now, a 22 year old supermodel can get away with that shit- but not Ivan the Terrible...
The first 3 or 4 times I just leaned forward and he fell over, then readjusted to the other side of his seat.
The last 5 or 6 times, I just started jabbing him with my left elbow- he didn't wake up anyway, but he quickly rolled back to the other side of his seat.
Arguably the worst seatmate since the old lady who smelled of cat piss on that flight to Shanghai back in 2008.

3 hours in Sheremetyevo where I drank 2 liters of water to rehydrate - and I was ready for the last league to Sochi.
Gate 17 was full of Sochi volunteers- several thousand (it seemed) college kids on their way to volunteer at The Games. There were a couple variations-
There were several "gaggles" - a knot of 8-12 college girls, all gathered together and talking incessantly, then there were the "Condition White" kids- noses buried in their iPad, iPods, iPhones or tablet/smartphones...

The Condition White ones- These kids need to hear the branch creak a little bit- they walk around completely oblivious to their surroundings, just following th eflow via peripheral sensory perception.

How will that translate into becoming a productive member of society? As an employee?

Gah. I weep for the future.


Saturday, January 18, 2014

Another Day, Another Long F@#$&£%ing Flight

Just for the record, MIA is the worst airport I have experienced in quite a while. That includes, Kazan, Istanbul, Krasnodar and Oklahoma City.
Across the board FAIL from design to food, from stupid travelers to incompetent staff. FTMF'ing whole place.
11 hours and 5700 miles from now I'll be in Moscow. Another 6 or 7 hours after that I should be in Sochi.
We'll see. Confidence is pretty low right now.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Quote of the Day - Gun Control

"Guns are tools. And so are people that get sucked into gun control debates."


Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Surviving... But Just Barely

Sydney to LA - Bulkhead seat on the aisle.
Row 10 United Economy Plus - Almost perfect.
(Perfect? Perfect would include Kate Beckinsale seated in seat 10B.)

(But I digress...)

LA to Houston - Bulkhead aisle- with an excellent chance of getting an upgrade...
Houston - Jax - Seat A1 - (On this plane (CRJ) that's about the best I can get... At least in A1 no one tries to recline and break my kneecaps.)

In Kingsford Airport however, the Fates had other plans for me.
United rep: "Good news Large Angry Guy, we have protected you on a flight from Sydney to San Francisco, and got you on standby to O'Hare and Jacksonville."

'Protected' my aching dying ass.

Reality -
Sydney to SFO - and OMFG, who didn't see this coming - Only middle seats available.
In economy class. Not even in Economy Plus... in row 57. Which means, in case you haven't had the joy of sitting in steerage on a 747, the noise level is horrendous and there is quite a bit of movement.
Seriously- if there is turbulence, look toward the front of the plane- you would be amazed how much 'flex' there is...

SFO to ORD- Economy plus, 'window' seat with no window. Which means no shoulder room... and a 40 minute transition time from landing to connecting flight take off.
I didn't do an 'OJ' on my way from C Concourse to the F Gates, but I didn't slow down for stupid people that were shuffling along like they were on vacation either. There might have been an impact or two... I didn't hang around to find out.

And the ORD to JAX, another @#$%^&ing CRJ, seat 4C, with a guy in front of me who insisted his seat wasn't back far enough yet and kept slamming back against my knees.
By this time I was too tired and sore to do anything other than try to shift my knees out of the way. I just spent most of the 3+ hours composing hate mail.

Original itinerary: 18 flight hours, 26 total travel hours.
New trip:  24 flight hours, 34 total travel hours.

United sucks out loud...
Some time in the next 36 hours I'll be transcribing my United-hate into a nasty letter to Jeff Smisek.

Because United breaks more than just my knees and my will to live...
United breaks guitars.

(and the sequels here and here...)


Sunday, January 12, 2014

This I Gonna Suck

14 Hours, 0 Legroom.
Knee replacement surgery in 3...2...

Are You F'ing Kidding Me?

Seems the LA flight didn't make it to Sydney last night. Fuel pump issues they say...
And this is the kicker...
There are only middle seats on the rebooked flight.
Gonna be a miserable 14 hours for several people...

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Apology & Restitution

To those individuals that were horrified by the cat/balls picture a day or so ago,
I offer my most sincere apologies.


Have a Horse.

(Or 'Whorse'? Whatever... It's sure ain't MLP.)


I'll take "Unfortunate URLs for $1000, Alex."

Someone had to have been able to come up with a better URL than that.

Note to CEO - Fire your social media manager immediately.


Friday, January 10, 2014

Where The Hell Is That 'Unsee' Button?

I mean, I like cats, and would like to have one again some day, but dude! Never mind!



Thursday, January 09, 2014

WTF Is Going On At The Washington Post?

"I believe that Barack Obama is a weak and failing president. I believe his policies are contributing to an American decline that will endanger this country and the world in incalculable ways. I think President Obama’s White House has more than its share of enablers, delusional sycophants and people who don’t believe in the United States as the indispensable nation. In my view, an election, giving us an opportunity to try to reverse the trajectory that President Obama has put us on, can’t come fast enough."
-The Insiders: Gates should have waited  by Ed Rogers Washington Post January 8

I had to go back and read a bunch of Ed Rogers' stuff before I could believe what I was seeing on the WAPo website...

What the hell has been happening while I've been away?...

Wait a sec...

Did Hell freeze over this week?



From World Health Organization:


Leading causes of global deaths

  • In 1997, of a global total of 52.2 million deaths, 17.3 million were due to infectious and parasitic diseases; 15.3 million were due to circulatory diseases; 6.2 million were due to cancer; 2.9 million were due to respiratory diseases, mainly chronic obstructive pulmonary disease; and 3.6 million were due to perinatal conditions.
  • Leading causes of death from infectious diseases were acute lower respiratory infections (3.7 million), tuberculosis (2.9 million), diarrhea (2.5 million), HIV/AIDS (2.3 million) and malaria (1.5-2.7 million).
  • Most deaths from circulatory diseases were coronary heart disease (7.2 million), cerebrovascular disease (4.6 million), other heart diseases (3 million).
  • Leading causes of death from cancers were those of the lung (1.1 million), stomach (765 000), colon and rectum (525 000) liver, (505 000), and breast (385 000).
Contrary to what MAIG and the Anti's are shouting from the rooftops,
I didn't see 'assault rifles' or 'shooting' anywhere in the demographics...

Attention Do Gooder Gun-Control/Banner activists:
If you want to make a difference, start with the above list.
Everyone else


Wednesday, January 08, 2014

Bike Bitches

I know there HAS to be a good "If You Can Read This, The Bitch Fell Off" joke here somewhere but I'm too tired to find it.


Tuesday, January 07, 2014

Cold & Hot

it's probably pretty tasteless to complain about this, since all I see in my RSS reader is about how all the Constant Readers are freezing their parts off.
But dude...It's fucking roasting down here.


Hot. Hothothot.

At least you folks back in the 'States can layer up. Just keep stacking it on.
3 T-Shirts, a sweat shirt, a hoodie, 2 jackets, a cable-knit sweater mom made for you that WAS 4 sizes too big, a parka and an overcoat.

That shit doesn't work down here...
There are only so many layers you can take off before you get a tap on the shoulder from a local policeman who wants to chat about why you are only dressed in sneakers, socks, a hat, sunscreen, and a knowing smile.

Cop: "Sir? We've had some complaints..."

For a place that has full frontal nudity on network TV during prime time, they sure have some odd notions of 'appropriate behavior behaviour'...

And now we just wait for a comment from Luc, a/k/a Captain Canada bitching about it being -30C and how he had to FINALLY go dig out the box of 'cool weather' attire and find a light jacket to wear to the lake this weekend.

(I think the hockey stick on the tactical sling really completes the picture.)


Monday, January 06, 2014

I Has A Sad

Welcome to Disappointment Australia,
Population: Me

Eww. Worst lunch yet.


Saturday, January 04, 2014

Developing Your Woodland Skills

This is an exercise to develop your hunting/tracking skills-

Please examine the tracks in these photographs, then identify the creatures that left the tracks.

(Click to embigginate)

And here's another of the same species...

(Again, click to enlargify)

Any guesses?


Thursday, January 02, 2014

The Global War on Semantics

"Unless you live in the 'States, Shut the fuck up about what you insist our policies should be."

I was talking to a couple Aussies last night who were taking umbrage about 'Yank attitudes toward undocumented workers.'
Their concern was the 'undocumented worker's' feelings because they are being labeled 'Illegal Aliens', and apparently they were taking a page from the soft-core democrat's playbook and said:
"People aren't 'illegal', stop calling them that."

Go smoke some more dope, hippie.
"Fine", says I. "You don't like that term? I'll give you a better one."
I had been conferring with Captain Morgan most of the evening and he reminded me of a term I read several days ago...
"We'll call them what they are: Criminal Aliens."

You want semantics, you get semantics.


Happy Belated New Years

I've been so busy I've been letting the scheduled post autopilot handle my content the last few days... So Happy New Year everyone...
(Except our friends that don't celebrate the new year at this time on the calendar. Chinese new year is on Jan 31, and Jewish new year was back in September, so they are good to go.)
But I did want to post about the fireworks here is Sydney...

They (Sydnians? Sydneyites?) are very pumped that they are the first big city to celebrate the New Year due to the fact that they are located so far east on this side of the International Date Line.
Folks in Brisbane have them beat by a few degrees, but since Sydney observes Daylight Savings Time (a/k/a screw-with-your-head-twice-a-year-time) and Brizzy doesn't, they get first crack at the midnight stroke.

And they do make quite a party of it.

I avoid downtown like the plague- I've heard tales- plus this year they are playing the Knockout game with gusto... There are several people in comas as we speak from this BS, so I just avoid all the areas that this crap is likely to happen.

As for the fireworks:

Speaking of 'wow', today's been a roaster...
38 C (right at 100 F) at 3 today- just ahead of the storm front.
Its cooled down to 30c (86F) now.

I'm hoping for a nice rain shower to roll through this afternoon or evening.


Wednesday, January 01, 2014

Reasons I Like Australia, #7,486 & #7,487

Reason #7,486:

This is the ugliest girl in Australia.  In January.

Reason #7,487:

There are 'rashers', or as I call it 'SuperBacon'.