Friday, February 27, 2015

Running Commentary On The Way In To The Office

What the actual fuck....?

You're looking for that pedal on the right, there, Speedy...

Yeah- that Obama sticker on your hybrid is kinda faded. You need a newer indicator that you're a douchebag...

Don'tchangelanes-don'tchangelanes-don'tchangelanes-don'tchangelanes-DON'TYOUFUCKING CHANGELANES!! Fuck! You changed lanes!

Shit- is that a cop?

Oh, you are such a moron!

Really? 35 in a 55 zone?

Everyone keep driving...that's right... Keep the traffic moving...

(While waiting in the turn lane)
Stop texting and watch for the light to turn green, dumbass.
Gorrammit! LET'S. GO. ASSHOLE. ifimissthisfuckin'lighti'mgonna... SHIT!

Jeebus, some people need killin', and you're one of them.

TBG -  Two-wheelin!

The States - #4 in the Series

"My State" by a Local

But their jelly is awful on toast.

Low gas prices=worst roads in the US.

Everyone commits 5 felonies a day.

...Or confiscate it.


Saturday, February 21, 2015

Old Money Dog - In Case You Were Curious... he got that way.



Friday, February 20, 2015

So Close...

...and yet so far.

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

Old Money Dog has needs too...

Jeeves needs to take one for the team...

Either let him finish, or at least fake an orgasm, Jeeves.


The States- #3 in the Collection

"My State" by a Local

Home of falsified birth certificates and dope-smoking Presidents.

Not sure of where this is.

"Other Stuff" =  World-class political corruption and organized crime

So untrue. They have St. Elmo's and the Broad Ripple Brewpub...


Thursday, February 19, 2015

OMD Perpetuating Urban Myths

Old Money Dog prefers loose leaf notebook paper to Hammermill Bond.


Wednesday, February 18, 2015

I got dem Sitting & Waiting for My Delayed Flight Blues

Reading the headlines as I wait for my SECOND delayed flight today.


Fuck United Airlines
(My connecting flight that I was re-booked on from Houston to SFO is delayed...)


So I'm reading the headlines in my news reader...
I had caught Airport-CNN trumpeting the White House's ObamaCare figures-
ZOMG Eleventy Millions Covered! earlier this morning as I waited on my first delayed flight.
And now for the real story...
<full-on political rant about the lying sack of shit occupying the Oval Office Obama and his fecklessness, complete disregard for the truth, and his unwillingness to act like an American deleted due to rambling and lack of clarity>

Ah- fuck it. My rant got well and truly out of hand...
Fuck every one of these motherfuckers.

A dime is a dime, not 9 cents- Forbes is calling bullshit on the WH figures. Read here.

ISIS is pissed 'cause they don't have jobs?
We need in the medium to longer term to go after the root causes that leads people to join these groups, whether it’s lack of opportunity for jobs, whether… Marie Harf - State Dept spox. White House Moron Mouthpiece

Terror-fucking-ists got that way because they have legitimate complaints?
...groups like al Qaeda and ISIL exploit the anger that festers when people feel that injustice and corruption leave them with no chance of improving their lives. - B.H. Obama - LA Times
Fuck that motherfucker with ten feet of curare-tipped wrought-iron fencing. Follow it up with a 6' barbed wire dildo... What a miserable, lying, sack of shit.

What. The. Absolute. Fuck?

Gah. These flight delays piss me off.... Maybe I need a Snickers bar.

This option is looking better and better....
(At least the Socialists and Communists are well-labeled and don't masquerade as Democrats.)


OMD vs. The Dusenberg

Old Money Dog needs to establish dominance.
(Especially after the War on Vacuum Cleaners)


United Airlines SOP

Whoever had "First flight delayed, connection bumped to later flight with shitty seat" in the pool is today's winner.

You can pick up your free worldwide roundtrip ticket at the betting window...
(United gives them away because the flights never leave anyway.)


Tuesday, February 17, 2015

In Celebration...

... of the flight I'm going to be on tomorrow AM...

(From the FX series "Legit")

Welcome to my world...


OMD Needs A Motorcycle

However delightful this activity may be,
Old Money Dog will bite you if you blow in his face...
(Hint: You may need a breath mint.)


Monday, February 16, 2015

Where's Your Grammar?


OMD - Ewww.

Old Money Dog must drink from the porcelain font first, though...


Sunday, February 15, 2015

OMD doesn't know what he wants


Saturday, February 14, 2015

OMD - Dining Alfresco

Old Money Dog is going out to eat tonight...


Friday, February 13, 2015

OMD has a Uniform Festish

Old Money Dog thinks the Post Service needs some instruction...


The States - #2 in a Series

"My State" by a Local

Hey, you're the ones who legalized dope. I have no sympathy for you.

Yeah- I would want to get too far from my guns either.

Two words: Joe Biden

And the further south you go, the further north you are. Welcome to Dade-Broward, the 6th Borough of NYC.

The truth doesn't always have to hurt...


Thursday, February 12, 2015

Apps for You: Waze

Are you using Waze?
If you do a lot of driving, you should.
Find it in the Google Play store...

Its pretty handy for getting alerts about traffic blockages, rerouting, and the occasional speed trap.
(Saved my bacon twice on the way back from N'awlins last month...)

The po-po are making a stink because of that- they hate when someone takes away their advantage when it comes to revenue redistribution...
However they are covering it up with the "ZOMG, the crazy cop killers will know 'zackly where we are, so if Google doesn't shut down that part of the app, you're gonna see a rise in cop killings!!1l!" argument.

Does anyone else think this is a little over the top?
After all, if a cop killer wants to find cops, he can look under "Police Stations" in the phone book.
Or even "Dunkin Donuts" if he really wants a target-rich environment...


OMD has the Blues (but not reds or aqua).

Old Money Dog has issues with traffic lights too...

Canine color blindness.


Wednesday, February 11, 2015

OMD and the Infernal Machine

Old Money Dog is outraged!


Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Makin' Good Time....

This choo choo is haulin' ass...

OMD - Berber is better!

Buttocks! I meant to say buttocks!


Letters To People Unlikely To Respond: The Guy Behind Me On The Train

I know you're pissed at her and all her drama. I know you're tired of her crap and her girlfriends, and her indecision and her inability to understand the phrase "Don't fucking call me anymore"
She also doesn't comprehend "Stop calling me", " I don't fucking want to talk to you" and the ever-popular "Quit fucking calling me, Bitch" and the 200 variations on these phrases I have been hearing repeated since Alexandria Va.
Let me offer you an alternative to these ineffective pleas you have been making.

Don't. Answer. The. Phone.

Turn that thing off, call block her, or just mute the ringer and put it away.

But if she calls and you answer, you're just asking for the drama to follow you around like an albatross.


Non-Stop Talk

I'm going to have to have my left ear looked at...
I was in Car1, seat 7 when I got on in Jax... 2 minutes after settling in, a guy was assigned to seat 8, next to me and immediately started talking and didn't stop until around midnight when we hit Florence SC and the seat across the aisle opened up.
I know all about the kids and wife who are driving back to Whitefish Montana while he takes the train (win-win), his visit to St. Augustine and the Gator Farm therein, his amazement at the Castillo de San Marco, his plans for his 5 hour layover in Washington DC (Smithsonian), his plans for his 6 hours in Chicago (Museum of Science & Industry), the book he is writing (Tales of the Rich Hobo), his past trips on the Sunset Limited, the Empire Builder, the Zypher line, the Crescent line...
If this dude is not a textbook example of Mr. Too Much Information then I don't know defecation from shoe polish.
I know about his swelling feet, his liver issues, his ulcers, his diverticulitis (then stop eating those almonds, dumbass!), his missing toe (tractor accident), and his utter distaste for The French.
Dude couldn't take a hint either...
Reading on my iPad, he keeps talking.
I put in earphones and fire up iTunes... Yak yak yak.
I fire up the laptop and watch a movie (earphones) and he keeps droning on and on.
Even after his Life Story, the organ recital (oh my kidneys, oh my spleen), and his tirade about Them Goddam Frogs(!), and he finally went to sleep, he got rousted from his hijacked seat at 5:45am and woke me up with his nattering - and launched back into a recap of his Florida vacation and how bad it was going to be back in Montana.
I think my ear is permanently damaged...

At least he wasn't coughing up lung cookies like the guy 4 seats up from us...
Every time the train stopped (which was toofucking often) he was first out the door for a quick smoke- even those 1-minute stops in Bugtussle NC and CousinHump Va.
I wonder if anyone ever explained the smoking/lung damage cause and effect loop to Smokey Joe...

2 more hours to Penn Station...

Monday, February 09, 2015

Overheard in the Lounge Car

Two conductors are burning up the lines here in the club car. They're trying to roust an engineer (repair guy) to get a repair done when we get to Savannah station.

Conductor 1: "What exactly is wrong?"
Conductor 2: "We hit a buzzard coming out of Jesup."
C1: "A buzzer? What the hell is a buzzer? Is that code for something?"
C2: "A BUZZARD. A big-ass vulture. It hit the windshield and tore the wiper off."
C1: "Oh. Well, what's the big deal?"
C2: "Its gonna rain all night- need that wiper to see the tracks in front of us."
C1: "Yeah, I guess that's a good idea."

Yeah- y'think so, Sparky?

TBG - Ridin' the rails...

Lets See How This Works...

Well, if doing the same thing over and over expecting different results is the very embodiment of insanity, let's try something new...

Heading to NYC....

On Amtrak instead of United.

Let's see what happens next...


OMD - Didn't I buy you a watch?

Old Money Dog knows you can afford a pocket watch with the fortune he pays you!


Sunday, February 08, 2015

OMD - Scrumptious!

Old Money Dog is quite the gourmet!


Saturday, February 07, 2015

OMD - Slander!

Old Money Dog will not put up with such an affront!



The Woman: "Did you just buy ANOTHER bottle of hot sauce?"

Friday, February 06, 2015

OMD - Squirrel!

Old Money Dog is alarmed!


Old Money Dog can't make up his mind...

...just like every other dog ever!


The States - #1 in a series

"My State" by a Local

(Thanks Tina Fey for demonstrating how stupid LowInfo voters are.)

Roll tide!

(Also brown, light brown and tan.)

Floods, fires, earthquakes, riots, insane traffic, and bloated bureaucracy are our specialties.


Thursday, February 05, 2015

Old Money Dog

Old Money Dog is outta here!


Wednesday, February 04, 2015

Vaccines & Autism

It's about time you morons get the actual facts on how vaccines cause autism.

Click the link for the facts.


You're welcome.


Monday, February 02, 2015

New Orleans - Part III (Final)

6:30am rolled around and we were up and moving... Amazing for a Saturday in New Orleans...
I made the girls get up and moving on a perfectly selfish motive, because I wanted to share my favorite breakfast spot with them...
We braved the 38 degree temps- fortunately the rain had stopped- and walked over to Poydras St, and got in line at Mother's Restaurant.
"Why so early?" an astute Constant Reader might ask...
Answer:Because they only have a limited amount of black ham.

They bake nice crusty hams all night long, and in the morning they trim off the outside crusts of the ham and set that aside. This crispy savory-sweet ham trimming is amazing.
And it only lasts a little while, so you've gotta be there early.

The black ham biscuit. I'll take 6, please.

Their entire menu is awesome old-school New Orleans diner fare...
If you don't make the cut-off for the black ham, get a biscuit with debris (the dregs from bottom of the roast beef tank) or if you go for lunch, get the Ferdi's Special Po' Boy - Ham, roast beef, debris and au jus... Amazing.
Highly recommended!

After a sumptuous brekky, we trundled back to the hotel to check out and head off to some daytime activities...
We saw a few interesting things along the way back to the hotel...

An endangered species- sadly, this one is deceased and will no longer roam freely the streets and alleys, providing help and succor to hookers, pimps and drug dealers. RIP.

I love graffiti... This was great.
Damn, Caitlyn. Can't you stay out of trouble?

This was a headscratcher- people build little fences around trees to protect them as they grow...
Like this:

But this...
C'mon circular tree guard railing- you had one job...
So we got checked out then headed off to enjoy the sunny day (finally).

We needed something to fortify us as we started the walkabout, so we found our way to the French Market-

The PC had her Mimosa, I had a Hot Cider and Rum, and The Woman had a Bloody Mary.

The PC and The Woman opined that they'd like to see one of the many graveyards that dot the New Orleans area, so I took them to St. Louis Cemetery #1 on Basin St.

They (the City of New Orleans) are changing the rules on touring the cemeteries- soon you will only be able to visit if you are part of a bona-fide and licensed tour.
No more individuals going walk-up, walk in because of the vandalism of the crypts.
Two cases in particular:
Marie Laveau's tomb...
Local legend says if you do any of a number of rituals - draw X's on the tomb in chalk, knocking three times, rubbing your foot on the tomb or lighting candles and shouting your desire, you might get your wish...
More likely, if you get caught these days, you'll get a charge of vandalism and pay a hefty fine...

The girls checking out a tomb- this may or may not be Marie Laveau's (Or Marie Compte's, or Marie Phhilome Galpion... Who knows?) final resting place, but it seems like a large number of people think it's worth damaging someone else's resting place in order to participate in dubious urban legends.

Speaking of morons...
The last empty space in St. Louis #1 was recently (in 2010) purchased (for an undisclosed but reportedly huge sum) and a crypt built to await the owner's final demise...

This is/will be Nick Cage's final resting place...
The Latin reads Omnia Ab Uno (everything from one)...
Nick isn't the moron in question- it's the idjit women that make pilgrimages here to leave lipstick prints on the marble plaque... (Click the pic and you'll see them.)
As for the pyramid- National Treasure anyone?

I enjoy walking around cemeteries, looking at the architecture and stonework and ironmongery of the crypts. I also get a kick out of seeing other minutiae in the cities of the dead...

As I mentioned on twitter regarding this crypt- These are nice shiny chains, but if whatever is inside that box wants out, them chains ain't gonna stop 'em.

Lunch found us at Acme Oyster House in Metarie for, you guessed it... More charbroiled oysters! Yay!

That night we wound up down on Frenchman Street, going to a couple clubs (The Spotted Cat, Blue Nile) and enjoyed a streetcorner performance by what looked like a high school band.
We also wound up having a great dinner later in the evening at 13... Great food, if you get a chance- go. The Srirachos (Sriracha-tater tot-nacho hybrid) are awesome.

Back to the hotel by 1am, and back on the road to Jax at 9:00 the next morning...
We could only take so much fun...

On the way to New Orleans we were full of energy and potential...
And the way home, not so much...
Back to reality...

Update: the Girls are already planning their next trip to New Orleans... Koeschi help us.