Click the the pic to view...
Famous out-
Monday, February 20, 2006
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Migration
Well...
I've made a temporary move from Sauze d'Oulx down to Torino. Definitely a step down. I'm staying at the Riberi Media Village...
(Riberi, Italian for "Mental Hospital built on toxic waste dump".)
I'm not saying the rooms are small, but I have to step out in the hall to change my mind. Even the mice are hunch-backed. All those old Henny Youngman lines...
The IBC isn't so bad.. the food is OK, and I keep running into people I know from NBC (the NBA days, Athens, etc) so that aspect is enjoyable. But I kinda miss the folks up in Sauze...
I'll be here a few days to give the guys here in town a couple days off, then I head back up to the mountains for the last couple Snowboard events (Parallel Giant Slalom) and to breakdown the equipment.
A few pics from Sauze...
From my window at the hotel in Sauze d'Oulx
Looking up the street.
And looking back down...
A timberwolf walking down the street in front of the hotel.
Please do not feed the wolf. (Picture courtesy of Spongemark Squarehands)
I did get one good pic from last night downtown near Piazza Vittorio Emanuelle...
One of the national promotional "houses" on the river Po. Not sure what the big blue place up on the hill is yet...
I've made a temporary move from Sauze d'Oulx down to Torino. Definitely a step down. I'm staying at the Riberi Media Village...
(Riberi, Italian for "Mental Hospital built on toxic waste dump".)
I'm not saying the rooms are small, but I have to step out in the hall to change my mind. Even the mice are hunch-backed. All those old Henny Youngman lines...
The IBC isn't so bad.. the food is OK, and I keep running into people I know from NBC (the NBA days, Athens, etc) so that aspect is enjoyable. But I kinda miss the folks up in Sauze...
I'll be here a few days to give the guys here in town a couple days off, then I head back up to the mountains for the last couple Snowboard events (Parallel Giant Slalom) and to breakdown the equipment.
A few pics from Sauze...
From my window at the hotel in Sauze d'Oulx
Looking up the street.
And looking back down...
A timberwolf walking down the street in front of the hotel.
Please do not feed the wolf. (Picture courtesy of Spongemark Squarehands)
I did get one good pic from last night downtown near Piazza Vittorio Emanuelle...
One of the national promotional "houses" on the river Po. Not sure what the big blue place up on the hill is yet...
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Taken out of context, part 2.
"One drunk girl and fifty guys does not constitute a strip club."
"Oh. That is terrible. Have a chips."
"That shiny one is going to be tough to get down..."
"But, I pulled down my pants for you!!"
"What is that new IRM code for Curling - FOA?"
"Falls On Ass... It's unofficial, of course."
"...Let's see if she goes down again."
"Oh. That is terrible. Have a chips."
"That shiny one is going to be tough to get down..."
"But, I pulled down my pants for you!!"
"What is that new IRM code for Curling - FOA?"
"Falls On Ass... It's unofficial, of course."
"...Let's see if she goes down again."
Friday, February 17, 2006
Day # 7
Lucky 7?
(Snowboard spoiler omitted)
Oh well...
I have some pics and some out-of-context quotes for you to mull over...
In Sauze d'Oulx...
Here's your sign, Mark...
Stass is one sleepy codemonkey.
Snoozing between the Qualifiers and the Finals
There would never be price gouging at the Olympics.
For $1.80, that better be one tasty candy bar.
My stash of cold drinks.
Labels are important so no one grabs your stuff...
Quotes:
"We don't know dogs, we just shoot them."
"Don't let the facts get in the way of a good show, Billy."
"Is that clean, or is it clean-clean?"
"I looked into their eyes and do you know what I saw? The smell of defeat."
"Any Idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out."
"I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode."
"But I don't live in Sez-tree-air. I live in Sow-zay-dooks-ee..."
Amazing out-
(Snowboard spoiler omitted)
Oh well...
I have some pics and some out-of-context quotes for you to mull over...
In Sauze d'Oulx...
Here's your sign, Mark...
Stass is one sleepy codemonkey.
Snoozing between the Qualifiers and the Finals
There would never be price gouging at the Olympics.
For $1.80, that better be one tasty candy bar.
My stash of cold drinks.
Labels are important so no one grabs your stuff...
Quotes:
"We don't know dogs, we just shoot them."
"Don't let the facts get in the way of a good show, Billy."
"Is that clean, or is it clean-clean?"
"I looked into their eyes and do you know what I saw? The smell of defeat."
"Any Idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out."
"I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode."
"But I don't live in Sez-tree-air. I live in Sow-zay-dooks-ee..."
Amazing out-
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Random Olympic Views - Day 6.
Just some pics...
IDS Breakfast... Water, Marmite, Clartyne, Espresso, and a flask of Capt. Morgan.
Standing in line at 5:30 AM, waiting to go through Mag & Bag.
Snowing harder in Bardonecchia before the competition starts.
What the well-dressed spotty dog is wearing this season.
A very sweet young dalmation in Sauze d'Oulx...
The view from the door of my trailer.
IDS Breakfast... Water, Marmite, Clartyne, Espresso, and a flask of Capt. Morgan.
Standing in line at 5:30 AM, waiting to go through Mag & Bag.
Snowing harder in Bardonecchia before the competition starts.
What the well-dressed spotty dog is wearing this season.
A very sweet young dalmation in Sauze d'Oulx...
The view from the door of my trailer.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Day 5 - Frequently Given Answers -continued.
(Sauze d'Oulx/Bardonnechia/Sestriere edition)
1. One hour. Maybe two. If not, ask again tomorrow.
2. If I had two, I'd give you one.
3. Four! Not one or two or three... Four!
4. [accent=Greek] Perhaps, yes. [/accent]
5. 6.5 pounds per gallon.
6. Dogfood. Low-grade dogfood.
7. I are wearing a jean pant.
8. Here's your sign.
9. The Finnish Contingent.
10. mom
11. Famous!
12. You must get out (of the car) here.
13. He is on the way. M92 or maybe V42. We don't know.
14. "Uscita Di Sicurezza"? It means "Don't open this door in case of fire."
15. Helicopter? What helicopter?
16. Where are you for dinner? You must eat here.
17. Stop. Let's try it again. And don't say 'arrogant asshole' this time.
18. It IS the rabbit.
19. PDP, oh, it's you again?
20. Another bottle of water, please.
21. You're screwed. (Athens legacy FGA - Transcends all listing.)
22. IDS? I don't sleep.
23. He says he thinks he knows you.
24. This credential is no good for you.
25. No pizza now. Come back after 2:00AM.
29. Crispy M&Ms.
Amazing out-
1. One hour. Maybe two. If not, ask again tomorrow.
2. If I had two, I'd give you one.
3. Four! Not one or two or three... Four!
4. [accent=Greek] Perhaps, yes. [/accent]
5. 6.5 pounds per gallon.
6. Dogfood. Low-grade dogfood.
7. I are wearing a jean pant.
8. Here's your sign.
9. The Finnish Contingent.
10. mom
11. Famous!
12. You must get out (of the car) here.
13. He is on the way. M92 or maybe V42. We don't know.
14. "Uscita Di Sicurezza"? It means "Don't open this door in case of fire."
15. Helicopter? What helicopter?
16. Where are you for dinner? You must eat here.
17. Stop. Let's try it again. And don't say 'arrogant asshole' this time.
18. It IS the rabbit.
19. PDP, oh, it's you again?
20. Another bottle of water, please.
21. You're screwed. (Athens legacy FGA - Transcends all listing.)
22. IDS? I don't sleep.
23. He says he thinks he knows you.
24. This credential is no good for you.
25. No pizza now. Come back after 2:00AM.
29. Crispy M&Ms.
Amazing out-
Quotable quotes. V1.1
You never know what you might hear, so it's good to keep your ears open...
Mark:
Hmmm... Oh. Look. 'Windows Explorer has encountered a problem.'
Wouldn't that be 'Windows'?
Mark:
"That guy comes back in here again, I'm gonna throw the fire hydrant at him."
(I think he meant "extinguisher")
Lisa:
"Oh look- The Japanese competitors are dropping like fries..."
DD (live announce guy at BDY)
"These girls will have to have the runs of their life if they want to medal..."
and a whole slew from Jeff (our director):
"I've lost myself. Which I don't mind."
"Dick!- Shit, I don't have Dick."
"Dick is out."
"Is Dick up?"
"Count me down, Dick."
(Corrected 2-15-06, 4:30)
Famous out-
Mark:
Hmmm... Oh. Look. 'Windows Explorer has encountered a problem.'
Wouldn't that be 'Windows'?
Mark:
"That guy comes back in here again, I'm gonna throw the fire hydrant at him."
(I think he meant "extinguisher")
Lisa:
"Oh look- The Japanese competitors are dropping like fries..."
DD (live announce guy at BDY)
"These girls will have to have the runs of their life if they want to medal..."
and a whole slew from Jeff (our director):
"I've lost myself. Which I don't mind."
"Dick!- Shit, I don't have Dick."
"Dick is out."
"Is Dick up?"
"Count me down, Dick."
(Corrected 2-15-06, 4:30)
Famous out-
Update - Early in the Morning
Just a few things...
I've been short on sleep, but nothing like my graphics crew.
Lisa (the DeKo operator) and "Super" Dave Osborne (the PA) are running on empty. Dave has logged 65 hours in the 3 days. When I left the other night, he was trying to catch a catnap in the graphics cabine...
Comfy boxes.
After 2 days of Freestyle and 2 days of Snowboarding Dave hadn't been back to his hotel in 48 hours, and therefore no shower either, so the air in the cabine was getting a little thick.
He had taken to wearing his scarf like a turban... Osama Bin Osborne. I think he wound it around his head to keep his brain from leaking out his ears.
Love the hair, Osama.
What else...
Oh yeah...
Mark is sick.
He's got some kind of sinus infection that has his ears screwed up. As long as he stays at about 1000m (basically, up at Freestyle or in Sauze d'Oulx) he's Ok, but when we go somewhere like into Torino or Sestriere, we come down off the mountain and the Pressure Elves go to work on his eardrums with the icepicks.
We went into Torino- to the IBC, at 6:30 in the bleeding cold morning yesterday. The Elves were working on Mark's ears as we descended into the Piedmont... By the time we got to the IBC in Lingotto he was in agony. He went to the infirmary to try to get some meds.
They gave him a dose of Clarityn (notice the European spelling) and told him to stay out of the cold.
"So... You stay out of the cold, yes?" Doc says.
Mark rolls his eyes.
"You are working where?" Doc inquires.
"Sauze d'Oulx."
Doc gives him a pitying look.
"If possible, you should keep-" he holds his hands over his ears in the 'hear no evil' pose.
We came back to Sauze in time for testing at Freestyle, and since we were back at altitude, the Elves had gone back into remission for a bit. We hung out for a bit and he wasn't feeling any better so he looked into possibilities for getting some better meds... The only NBC clinic is in Torino, which is a good 90 minute to 2 hour trip; He looked into going to a doctor in Sestriere and found it would cost him out-of-pocket to see a local doc, so he decided to go back to the IBC again.
(I opted out and went over to the Downhill to watch the skiier get hit in the face with the pole...)
Mark undertook the journey back to town for the second time that day... Poor bastard.
A futile trip, because they didn't give him any good meds. Heh.
So... Mens Moguls today at Sauze, I'm heading to Bardonecchia to do testing for Boardercross... Hoo ha! I'll be back to Sauze by 6:00 for the finals.
Famous out-
I've been short on sleep, but nothing like my graphics crew.
Lisa (the DeKo operator) and "Super" Dave Osborne (the PA) are running on empty. Dave has logged 65 hours in the 3 days. When I left the other night, he was trying to catch a catnap in the graphics cabine...
Comfy boxes.
After 2 days of Freestyle and 2 days of Snowboarding Dave hadn't been back to his hotel in 48 hours, and therefore no shower either, so the air in the cabine was getting a little thick.
He had taken to wearing his scarf like a turban... Osama Bin Osborne. I think he wound it around his head to keep his brain from leaking out his ears.
Love the hair, Osama.
What else...
Oh yeah...
Mark is sick.
He's got some kind of sinus infection that has his ears screwed up. As long as he stays at about 1000m (basically, up at Freestyle or in Sauze d'Oulx) he's Ok, but when we go somewhere like into Torino or Sestriere, we come down off the mountain and the Pressure Elves go to work on his eardrums with the icepicks.
We went into Torino- to the IBC, at 6:30 in the bleeding cold morning yesterday. The Elves were working on Mark's ears as we descended into the Piedmont... By the time we got to the IBC in Lingotto he was in agony. He went to the infirmary to try to get some meds.
They gave him a dose of Clarityn (notice the European spelling) and told him to stay out of the cold.
"So... You stay out of the cold, yes?" Doc says.
Mark rolls his eyes.
"You are working where?" Doc inquires.
"Sauze d'Oulx."
Doc gives him a pitying look.
"If possible, you should keep-" he holds his hands over his ears in the 'hear no evil' pose.
We came back to Sauze in time for testing at Freestyle, and since we were back at altitude, the Elves had gone back into remission for a bit. We hung out for a bit and he wasn't feeling any better so he looked into possibilities for getting some better meds... The only NBC clinic is in Torino, which is a good 90 minute to 2 hour trip; He looked into going to a doctor in Sestriere and found it would cost him out-of-pocket to see a local doc, so he decided to go back to the IBC again.
(I opted out and went over to the Downhill to watch the skiier get hit in the face with the pole...)
Mark undertook the journey back to town for the second time that day... Poor bastard.
A futile trip, because they didn't give him any good meds. Heh.
So... Mens Moguls today at Sauze, I'm heading to Bardonecchia to do testing for Boardercross... Hoo ha! I'll be back to Sauze by 6:00 for the finals.
Famous out-
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Busted.
Geez...
Isn't that the way it always goes...
The one time I take off and try to enjoy the ONLY event that has anything going on at this time and I get busted.
I got out of Bardonecchia at a reasonable time (4:45pm, after having been there since 5:30AM) and we (Mark, Dave K and Lacey) decided to go to the one location out in the mountains that there was an event going on- Womens Luge in Cesana Pariol. We got there just in time for the 1st run of the finals.
Luge isn't a great sport to see in person... You can only see one small part of the track, and the amount of time they (the competitors) are in your viewing area is only a few miliseconds.
One of the thing we found interesting to do was to try to capture the riders on camera as they go flying by. I have 30 or 40 frames of...ice and railings. No rider.
I do have three or four where I have the rider, or a piece of the rider...
As we were trying to shoot pictures, my cell phone rang. I didn't recognize the number that was calling.
"Hey, Lummox. Quit taking pictures at Luge and get back to work."
Huh? I didn't recognize the voice right off...
"Who is this?"
"This is Mitch. Quit goofing off and go back to work."
Mitch is at the IBC, in downtown Torino, handling traffic cop duty for the data and feeds...
If Mitch knows I'm here, that means, oh crap... I'm on one of the video feeds going back to NBC...
I looked around and saw we were right in line with one of the finishline cameras.
Every time they played the slo-mo of the finish turn, we were right there.
Do you like my "pinky extended" photography technique?
Amazing in the rings.
I just can't catch a break.
Famous out-
Isn't that the way it always goes...
The one time I take off and try to enjoy the ONLY event that has anything going on at this time and I get busted.
I got out of Bardonecchia at a reasonable time (4:45pm, after having been there since 5:30AM) and we (Mark, Dave K and Lacey) decided to go to the one location out in the mountains that there was an event going on- Womens Luge in Cesana Pariol. We got there just in time for the 1st run of the finals.
Luge isn't a great sport to see in person... You can only see one small part of the track, and the amount of time they (the competitors) are in your viewing area is only a few miliseconds.
One of the thing we found interesting to do was to try to capture the riders on camera as they go flying by. I have 30 or 40 frames of...ice and railings. No rider.
I do have three or four where I have the rider, or a piece of the rider...
As we were trying to shoot pictures, my cell phone rang. I didn't recognize the number that was calling.
"Hey, Lummox. Quit taking pictures at Luge and get back to work."
Huh? I didn't recognize the voice right off...
"Who is this?"
"This is Mitch. Quit goofing off and go back to work."
Mitch is at the IBC, in downtown Torino, handling traffic cop duty for the data and feeds...
If Mitch knows I'm here, that means, oh crap... I'm on one of the video feeds going back to NBC...
I looked around and saw we were right in line with one of the finishline cameras.
Every time they played the slo-mo of the finish turn, we were right there.
Do you like my "pinky extended" photography technique?
Amazing in the rings.
I just can't catch a break.
Famous out-
Monday, February 13, 2006
Ned McKenzie
Ned makes his first appearance at the Winter Games...
Great White Ned - The lost McKenzie brother.
Famous out-
Great White Ned - The lost McKenzie brother.
Famous out-
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Webcam Hall o' Shame
Well...
You know that there are some webcams here at the Winter Olympics...
I have one here at Bardonecchia and Mark has one in Sauze d'Oulx.
Every once in a while a picture shows up that needs to be preserved for posterity.
These are a few that have surfaced over the last few days.
Nice forehead there, Big Guy.
What you sippin' there, Code Monkey?
Ah, a full moon over Sauze d'Oulx.
(Bettina showing us her good side.)
And the Code Monkey takes the gold!!
Mark checking out Omega Girl.
Mark and Omega Girl, enjoying the moment together.
Famous out-
You know that there are some webcams here at the Winter Olympics...
I have one here at Bardonecchia and Mark has one in Sauze d'Oulx.
Every once in a while a picture shows up that needs to be preserved for posterity.
These are a few that have surfaced over the last few days.
Nice forehead there, Big Guy.
What you sippin' there, Code Monkey?
Ah, a full moon over Sauze d'Oulx.
(Bettina showing us her good side.)
And the Code Monkey takes the gold!!
Mark checking out Omega Girl.
Mark and Omega Girl, enjoying the moment together.
Famous out-
Friday, February 10, 2006
What? No more frames?
Finally spent a little time fixing the 'site.
Got rid of the last remnants of the original Uncle Jay site- incorporating it all into the current webpage...
As Mark said: "About damn time."
Meanwhile, here's some of the items on my to-do list:
Got rid of the last remnants of the original Uncle Jay site- incorporating it all into the current webpage...
As Mark said: "About damn time."
Meanwhile, here's some of the items on my to-do list:
- Adjust the tint on all the monitors in the Edit Room so that all the people are green, and insist to others that Matt Lauer "likes it that way".
- Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
- Staple results printouts in the middle of the page.
- Ask the hotel security guards out for dates.
- Produce a deKo feed consisting entirely of dire NBC copyright warnings instead of location slates.
- Sew big hunks of gun-shaped metal into people's backpacks for the security guys to find.
- Hide dairy products in inaccessible places in the hotel.
- Set alarms for random times.
- Figure out how to implement morse code in Skype.
- Buy large quantities of Happy Dent mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
- Order a side of pork rinds with your pasta.
- Ask for a fine American wine, Gallo or Mogen David for instance, with dinner.
- Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
- Tape segments of "Sweating to the Oldies" over the master NBC tape at your venue.
- Wear all your clothes backwards.
- Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
- Leave venue ops manager's printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.
- ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
- only type in lowercase.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Signs of the Apocalypse
VSA additional instructions...
Screening level three is the only one that is accurate. Levels two and one have additional steps that are not listed on the sign.
Level two:
5. Drop to your knees.
6. Hands behind head.
7. Be very still as attack dog inspects you for contraband and dangerous materials.
8. Do not make any threatening movements.
9. When dog urinates on your back, re-enter your vehicle and proceed to next check point.
Level one:
5. Remove pants
6. Lie face-down on ground
7. To prevent injury to yourself and the inspector, please don't tense up.
8. Wait for the "all clear" air horn to sound before getting up and looking for clothes.
9. Crawl on hands and knees to next checkpoint.
Amazing out-
Screening level three is the only one that is accurate. Levels two and one have additional steps that are not listed on the sign.
Level two:
5. Drop to your knees.
6. Hands behind head.
7. Be very still as attack dog inspects you for contraband and dangerous materials.
8. Do not make any threatening movements.
9. When dog urinates on your back, re-enter your vehicle and proceed to next check point.
Level one:
5. Remove pants
6. Lie face-down on ground
7. To prevent injury to yourself and the inspector, please don't tense up.
8. Wait for the "all clear" air horn to sound before getting up and looking for clothes.
9. Crawl on hands and knees to next checkpoint.
Amazing out-
Frequently Given Answers
(Sauze d'Oulx/Bardonnechia edition)
1. I trust no one. Especially you.
2. We haven't finished killing all the developers yet.
3. No.
4. Ok, yes then.
5. 193 kilos. 195 when I get wet.
6. Yes, but only when the moon is full.
7. It is supposed to be slippery.
8. I could kill you, but then I'd have to hide your body, and you're not worth the trouble.
9. Let me spell it out for you... "B-I-T-E-M-E"
10. wow
11. Milk. Leche... How about latte? Screw it.
12. The key is broken, that's why.
13. I'm not not sure we can get a gallon of flea shampoo here in Italy.
14. Captain & Coke...A double. Twice. And one for Mark too.
15. They are always photocopies. No one has originals.
16. No... I want pizza. Not PASTA.
17. This isn't the right road. I've never seen that elephant statue before.
18. That's not a dog, it's the waitress.
19. Me, winning isn't; You do.
20. There are no more. There won't be any more. Ever.
21. You're screwed. (Athens legacy FGA)
22. No, honestly. I really like pork tartare.
23. A rum and coke doesn't have ANY vodka in it.
24. Just drive through them. What are they going to do, chase us down?
25. You are not having cold?
Bonus answer:
26: I don't like coffee.
Amazing out-
1. I trust no one. Especially you.
2. We haven't finished killing all the developers yet.
3. No.
4. Ok, yes then.
5. 193 kilos. 195 when I get wet.
6. Yes, but only when the moon is full.
7. It is supposed to be slippery.
8. I could kill you, but then I'd have to hide your body, and you're not worth the trouble.
9. Let me spell it out for you... "B-I-T-E-M-E"
10. wow
11. Milk. Leche... How about latte? Screw it.
12. The key is broken, that's why.
13. I'm not not sure we can get a gallon of flea shampoo here in Italy.
14. Captain & Coke...A double. Twice. And one for Mark too.
15. They are always photocopies. No one has originals.
16. No... I want pizza. Not PASTA.
17. This isn't the right road. I've never seen that elephant statue before.
18. That's not a dog, it's the waitress.
19. Me, winning isn't; You do.
20. There are no more. There won't be any more. Ever.
21. You're screwed. (Athens legacy FGA)
22. No, honestly. I really like pork tartare.
23. A rum and coke doesn't have ANY vodka in it.
24. Just drive through them. What are they going to do, chase us down?
25. You are not having cold?
Bonus answer:
26: I don't like coffee.
Amazing out-
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Listen to your Uncle Amazing
A guy (Pauolo) who was hanging out with the VITM yesterday came to Cabine 5 today...
He never said a word when Edouardo and I talked yesterday.
Today I found out why.
Pauolo comes to my door:
"You are Amazing the Technician Jay?"
Huh?
"You are Amazing, yes?"
Hmmm. I guess so...
"Uh, Sure."
"Wonderful. Amazing, I need to drive something into your brain."
Shit. Stand in line, dude.
"Yes?"
"Amazing, the networking of the connection in the TOBO...
(He goes into a long, confusing explanation of how the feeds are run here...stuff that is interesting only in the same way a car accident is interesting.)
"Do you have this in your brain now?"
"Um... I guess so."
"Ah! Famous! I thank you, my friend Amazing."
Pauolo trots off. I stand there trying to process the exchange.
I'm not sure what just happened.
Amazing out.
He never said a word when Edouardo and I talked yesterday.
Today I found out why.
Pauolo comes to my door:
"You are Amazing the Technician Jay?"
Huh?
"You are Amazing, yes?"
Hmmm. I guess so...
"Uh, Sure."
"Wonderful. Amazing, I need to drive something into your brain."
Shit. Stand in line, dude.
"Yes?"
"Amazing, the networking of the connection in the TOBO...
(He goes into a long, confusing explanation of how the feeds are run here...stuff that is interesting only in the same way a car accident is interesting.)
"Do you have this in your brain now?"
"Um... I guess so."
"Ah! Famous! I thank you, my friend Amazing."
Pauolo trots off. I stand there trying to process the exchange.
I'm not sure what just happened.
Amazing out.
Random Olympic Views
In Bardonecchia:
Mark Moore, Chilling.
Yours Truly, hanging out at the HalfPipe.
For those that think this is such a great gig,
let me share the downside with you...
Here's my work location...
Kinda small, aint it?
It's gonna be tight when the 2 guys from Omega Timing, and 2 NBC Operators and Yours Truly are shoehorned into this crackerbox.
And just in case you're thinking that it must have a great view of the slopes, or be close to all the action...
This is where I live.
Nice, huh.
TBG Out.
Mark Moore, Chilling.
Yours Truly, hanging out at the HalfPipe.
For those that think this is such a great gig,
let me share the downside with you...
Here's my work location...
Kinda small, aint it?
It's gonna be tight when the 2 guys from Omega Timing, and 2 NBC Operators and Yours Truly are shoehorned into this crackerbox.
And just in case you're thinking that it must have a great view of the slopes, or be close to all the action...
This is where I live.
Nice, huh.
TBG Out.
Random Olympic Stuff
We (Mark Moore and Yours Truly) ran across something unheard-of in Europe the other night... It's not normal, it might be illegal, and it is probably one of the signs of the impending Apocalypse...
We were in a restaurant that didn't serve coffee after dinner.
Collectively, we have never seen this before.
As a matter of fact, after a short poll by TBG Reseasch LLC, it seems like no one has ever seen this before. No coffee after dinner. Harumpf!
The restaurant is Il Padrino (The Godfather)- almost directly across from the Holiday Dibili Hotel. The owner of the restaurant was in the house when we tried to get some coffee after having our meal... We were refused, and we asked the owner why.
"No coffee?" we asked. "Why don't you serve coffee?"
"Because I don't like coffee." he replied.
We were speechless.
I bet you don't like assholes either, but you still serve them...
TBG Out-
We were in a restaurant that didn't serve coffee after dinner.
Collectively, we have never seen this before.
As a matter of fact, after a short poll by TBG Reseasch LLC, it seems like no one has ever seen this before. No coffee after dinner. Harumpf!
The restaurant is Il Padrino (The Godfather)- almost directly across from the Holiday Dibili Hotel. The owner of the restaurant was in the house when we tried to get some coffee after having our meal... We were refused, and we asked the owner why.
"No coffee?" we asked. "Why don't you serve coffee?"
"Because I don't like coffee." he replied.
We were speechless.
I bet you don't like assholes either, but you still serve them...
TBG Out-
Fun on the menu.
I love foreign menus.
Actually, I just love foreign food...
Take this for instance...
I want an order of this...
(As a matter of fact, make it a double.)
Now, on the other hand, sometimes it pays to look closely at the ingredients label on foreign foods.
Take this for instance...
I don't care if it is Coca Cola...
I not drinking anything with ANALCOOLICA in it.
TBG Out...
Actually, I just love foreign food...
Take this for instance...
I want an order of this...
(As a matter of fact, make it a double.)
Now, on the other hand, sometimes it pays to look closely at the ingredients label on foreign foods.
Take this for instance...
I don't care if it is Coca Cola...
I not drinking anything with ANALCOOLICA in it.
TBG Out...
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Adventures in Transportation
(It wouldn’t hurt to refresh yourself with the concept of “The Big Guy Irritation Index” from Athens 2004. Find it here.)
Skip a bit if you don't want to read the tale of our night with The Captain.
Sunday started as a continuation of Saturday night.
Midnight found Mark and I at the Queen's Lounge, about a block from our hotel.
Now... For those of you who are trying to get a jump on things, we are in Italy, not Key West or San Francisco. The Queens Lounge is an English pub (and nothing else) conveniently located by the closest ATM to the hotel.
We were on a quest to find a place to watch the Superbowl and were systematically checking all the bars and pubs within crawling distance to the hotel.
The usual response from the local pubkeepers: "Wot? American football? Why doncha watch a real man's sport- rugby!"
So - Midnight rolls around and we're in the Queen's.
Drinking. (Duh.)
Drinking a lot. (Again, Duh.)
One of the other qualifications for the bar-of-choice is that they have a decent selection of Tequila and/or Rum... Capt. Morgan’s, specifically.
And, God save 'er, the Queen has several bottles.
So our friendly bar wench, Nicky, from Wales no less, was giving us a very generous pour.
She started to fill the glass with rum, looking at Mark for a nod when to stop.
Mark signaled her to keep pouring...and pouring...3 ice cubes, 4 to 5 ounces of Captain and a half ounce of Coca Cola. That was her version of Captain and Coke. After 3 of those, and the one we had at Paddy McGinty's during the cocktail hour, and the half bottle of red wine (La LePre) for dinner...
Well, let's just say we were feeling mighty fine.
Last order rolled around about quarter of one, then the manager from Queen's dragged us over to Schuss, a completely dead disco even closer to the hotel. We were sociable and had another Captains with him there, along with the eight or ten rugby snowboarders that had tagged along also...
The joint was pretty dead so we decided to split and we trudged, or better yet, staggered up the hill back to Paddy's.
Part of our plan was based on the concept of "If you can't beat them, join them." The first couple night’s sleep in Sauze D'Oulx were interrupted when Paddy's would close about 2 in the morning... All the patrons would stand outside (on the road in front of our hotel) and sing, discuss the events of the day, giggle, tell jokes, etc. Needless to say, it was a bit disturbing for us... We figured that instead of trying to sleep through it, we'd just join in.
So... 'Round about 2AM we were back drinking with The Captain at Paddy’s...
Amy, the bar wench at Paddy's had an interesting methodology for her mixing; She'd fill the glass with The Captain, then wave a bottle of Coke over the glasses.
She handed one to Mark who sampled the mix, smiled and gave a "thumbs up" sign.
"As a matter of fact," he said, "If I had three hands, I'd give it two thumbs up."
The total for the evening was something like 8 very generous Captain & Cokes each...
The 7 AM wake-up call came only moments after my head hit the pillow...
This is where things get interesting...
We ordered a car from NBC Transportation for 9AM. In the morning. (Ouch)
Want to see a map of where we are talking about?
Click on map for full-sized PDF. Enjoy.
The plan:
1. 9:00 Pick up in Sauze D'Oulx.
2. Drive to Colle in Sestriere. (one hour)
3. Pick up our equipment at Alpine venue.
(2 x 5' 100 lb equipment cases)
4. Drive back to Sauze D'Oulx (one hour)
5. Drop off Mark and his equipment at Freestyle.
6. Yours Truly would continue to Bardonecchia (30 Minutes)
7. Drop YT and my equipment at Snowboarding.
Now, in order to make sure that the transportation order is correct and they understand what I want to do I go, in person, to the transportation office in Sestriere the evening before. I explain that I want a van, big enough for Mark and YT, all our equipment, and with the right passes, credentials, stickers, tickets, etc, to get in to the venues at Colle, Sauze D'Oulx, and Bardonecchia.
"No problem. We have the right passes- everything."
I even get a follow up call from the Big Guy at Transportation, John, assuring me that all will be as ordered.
Cool.
Ok... Mark and I are dutifully, if a bit hung over, waiting outside the hotel at 8:50...
(BGII – 0 - Cold but in good spirits. I'm ready to really get some work accomplished today.)
Then...
I get a call from PDP (Transportation).
"He's on the way. Car M93."
9:00- No car.
9:15- No car.
We start to notice people putting up balloons and banners around town...
A crowd starts gathering down the street in the square. My spider sense starts tingling.
I call NBC Transportation.
"The driver was held up by the torch relay in Cesana... He will be there in moments."
9:30- No sign of the car. More people. It becomes obvious that the torch is coming through the middle of Sauze D'Oulx.
Not a good thing.
9:45- We have retreated to the lobby of the hotel to ward off frostbite.
10:00- No car. Another call to transportation is made.
"He is almost there." they tell me.
10:30- Our car arrives in Sauze D'Oulx. With the Olympic torch. Hundreds of people are lining the streets in Sauze D’Oulx.
Transportation calls me...
"The driver is waiting for you at the town square."
Hmmmm...
"Ok... we'll head that way." I tell her.
I grab my bags...
This is a good time to tell you about my tool kit.
It is a 15"x24" hard plastic black Pelican case... Weighs about 50 pounds.
Has all my tools and sundry items that make events run smoother.
So... I want you to visualize Mark and Yours Truly hastening to the square down the hill from the hotel- Mark with his backpack and a no-nonsense attitude... Me, with my backpack and my tool kit. Walking with haste and purpose. Black jeans, boots, black jacket- looking for all the world like a terrorist rushing through the crowd looking for the optimal place to set off my explosives.
We couldn't find the car down in the square, so I called transportation back...
"Oh... He is in the town square uphill from the hotel... I'm sorry."
Lovely. Two town squares.
(BGII – 2)
We wade back into the crowd, huffing and puffing up the road to the OTHER town square.
Did I mention it was UPHILL? Yeah.
There are even more people up here, and we're moving through the crowd like we're on a mission from God.
We finally made it to the vehicle, threaded our way through the crowd and headed out to Colle... We were even ahead of the torch as it was making it's way downhill.
It was an uneventful trip on the way to Colle- I actually got to enjoy the trip and get a look at the scenery during the journey.
Mark, the sly bastard, got shotgun, so I was sitting in the jump seat in the back of the Lancia.
So... In Colle- we went through vehicle search fast and easy...
Vehicle search is the automotive version of Mag & Bag. The use mirrors to look under the car, they search the engine compartment (the bonnet), the trunk (the boot), and any other nooks and crannies they can find. The occupants are subjected to basic mag & bag procedures, or a pat down, or even a wanding (my personal favorite). Once the vehicle is searched it is allowed to enter the venue or compound.
We got all the way to the NBC Broadcast compound in Colle, loaded out our cases and were back on the road in record time.
Local Yokels
Heading back to Sauze D'Oulx... The driver decided to take the "low road" that goes back along the floor of the valley, rather than along the high road that we had taken from Oulx to Colle. Big mistake.
Just as we were getting into Cesana there was a police roadblock... Not the Carabinieri, the national police, but the local yokels. You know... Morons.
Needless to say, I started doing a quick mental inventory of all the stuff in my bag, toolkit and equipment case...The worst thing I could think of was the flask of Captain Morgan in my jacket pocket.
(Hair of the Dog, you know.)
Anyway- we get pulled over and the local police commence to putting the driver through the wringer.
In the end the issue wound up being that he (the driver) didn't have the original registration for the rental car. Now, I don't know about you, but if I ever get an original registration for a rental vehicle, it will be on Autotrader.com about 30 minutes after I leave the rental lot...
I don't think I've ever even seen a original registration in any kind of rental vehicle.
Anyway, we waste 30 minutes with the Polizia Locale Cesana and we are finally on our way again...
(BGII – 3)
We arrive in Sauze D'Oulx at Freestyle skiing...Mark’s venue.
Actually we arrive at the VSA at Freestyle... We start the process. We know that want to search the car. No Problem.
The 19 or so Carabinieri start to converge on us and one of the Olympic security guys comes to the driver and they have a short but spirited discussion in Italian...
At the end of the chat our status is as follows:
Mark is allowed in. His credential is good.
YT is permitted to enter the site. My creds pass muster.
The vehicle is OK to go in, it has the right sticker.
(...After it is checked for explosives, smallpox, anthrax, and whooping cough, of course.)
BUT... the driver is not allowed to go in the site- his creds don't permit him access.
Lovely.
Easy solution: I'll drive the car. Driver can wait outside the venue.
OK, but he has to check it out with his supervisor first.
A quick phone call is made- the answer is No. His supervisor had another solution...
The driver trudges up the road and goes to the Accreditation Office to get a day pass.
We wait...
15 minutes later, he's back. No pass. He cannot come in. (Why not? Who knows.)
Ok... Now Olympic Security Guy comes back and says that the car is not allowed in either.
(BGII – 5)
Geez...
It wouldn't be a big deal, but the equipment cases are a bitch to roll, and the road to the NBC compound is unpaved and is currently a muddy mess. Let's go into resolution mode...
Mark places a call the tech manager to see if he can send a car out to pick him up out at the security checkpoint (Mag and Bag).
"No problem- sit tight and we'll get a car to you."
Ok... part one solved.
We leave Mark at Mag & Bag for FreeStyle.
(The last time I saw him, they (site security) were removing each piece of equipment from his equipment case and running it through the x-ray machine.
Thye funny part? The x-rayed everything EXCEPT the packing case which had 4" padding all around the equipment. They never checked the case, just the laptops and equipment inside. Definitely rocket surgeons workin' the Mag & Bag at Freestyle.)
One last thing on Mark- I had been sitting in the back seat of this Lancia, in a nice (hard, cold) vinyl seat. By the time we arrived back in Sauze D'Oulx, my ass had a terminal case of frostbite and knees were permanantly locked in a Z-formation.
After dropping off Mark I took shotgun and found that the front seat was a soft, luxurious HEATED Lay-Z-Boy recliner... Mark had been up in the front luxuriating in warmth and comfort... Revenge will be mine, Mark-old-buddy-old-pal...
Ok... On to Bardonecchia.
Well... Almost.
We went from Sauze D'Oulx to Oulx, basically just to the bottom of the hill, and pulled into a parking lot.
Huh?
The driver explains:
"I can no longer drive."
"What?!"
Apparently there is an issue on how many hours you are allowed to drive, or some such other nonsense.
"It is not a problem, though... The are sending another driver from Sestriere."
"How long is that going to take?"
"He is already on his way. He will be here soon."
(BGII – 6 and I'm getting close to losing every bit of my oh-so-copious charm.)
We wasted another 40 minutes waiting for the new driver to arrive...
Finally the new driver, Matteo, shows up... We do a quick swap of keys, radios and paperwork and we are all off again.
Over the river and through the woods, up to Bardonecchia and then to Melezet.
(Melezet is the actual event location, Bardoneccia is nearest town to the venue.)
Finally- the light at the end of the tunnel...
We arrived at VSA to get into Snowboarding, and guess what? We weren't allowed in.
(BGII – 7)
Who's surprised? A show of hands... No one? Good. You're catching on.
Well... I was allowed in, but Matteo was not. My case was another story. Having seen they shenanigans they put Mark through, I was not going to go through that. No way.
I called the Tech Manager (Bruce Middleton, a gentleman and a scholar I knew from our days with the NBA on NBC together) to ask if they had a vehicle to pick me up.
He said he'd send it down in just a few minutes, and by golly, 4 minutes had elapsed and Simone (NBC's Runner) had arrived with the car and he helped me transfer equipment.
He took the car through VSA and I went through the regular M&B.
Then they dragged me back to the VSA because they wanted to look inside all my cases...
"No problem," says I, and we dragged them back out of the car and opened everything up. The asked the same questions I always hear-
“Who are you, Why do you need this, Who do you work for?”
I can see the finish line in sight now, so I answer all the questions, politely and with a smile...but the BGII was rapidly closing on 8...
Yes sir, no sir, yes sir...
They pass us on and we are rolling into the Broadcast compound...
Finish time: 3:05 PM, for a job that should have been through at 11:00 if the credentials were right, and there was no torch relay...
Really- it was a comedy of errors- none the fault of the Transportation department, or the drivers...I do fault the cops, and the clueless VSA goobers and their inability to stick to the long-ago agreed-upon procedures.
One last goodie:
When it was finally time for Mark to leave his venue, he called transportation for a vehicle. They said “No problem, 20 minutes.”
Twenty minutes passes and he gets a call from PDP.
“Your car has arrived.”
Excellent, he thinks- it will be down the road where they hold all the non-accredited vehicles that come to pick up staff.
He walks out of the graphics truck and the car is waiting at the foot of the stairs.
Inside the venue.
In the broadcast compound.
Without correct credentials for the driver or the car.
She just drove right in, no muss no fuss.
BGII Level 9.
I'm wondering if the roof of the hotel will do instead of a clock tower...
One final thing, the webcam is up when I'm in my hovel.
WEBCAM
No, it doesn't refresh on its own... The pic changes every 60 seconds.
Hit F5 for a refresh.
TBG out...
Skip a bit if you don't want to read the tale of our night with The Captain.
Sunday started as a continuation of Saturday night.
Midnight found Mark and I at the Queen's Lounge, about a block from our hotel.
Now... For those of you who are trying to get a jump on things, we are in Italy, not Key West or San Francisco. The Queens Lounge is an English pub (and nothing else) conveniently located by the closest ATM to the hotel.
We were on a quest to find a place to watch the Superbowl and were systematically checking all the bars and pubs within crawling distance to the hotel.
The usual response from the local pubkeepers: "Wot? American football? Why doncha watch a real man's sport- rugby!"
So - Midnight rolls around and we're in the Queen's.
Drinking. (Duh.)
Drinking a lot. (Again, Duh.)
One of the other qualifications for the bar-of-choice is that they have a decent selection of Tequila and/or Rum... Capt. Morgan’s, specifically.
And, God save 'er, the Queen has several bottles.
So our friendly bar wench, Nicky, from Wales no less, was giving us a very generous pour.
She started to fill the glass with rum, looking at Mark for a nod when to stop.
Mark signaled her to keep pouring...and pouring...3 ice cubes, 4 to 5 ounces of Captain and a half ounce of Coca Cola. That was her version of Captain and Coke. After 3 of those, and the one we had at Paddy McGinty's during the cocktail hour, and the half bottle of red wine (La LePre) for dinner...
Well, let's just say we were feeling mighty fine.
Last order rolled around about quarter of one, then the manager from Queen's dragged us over to Schuss, a completely dead disco even closer to the hotel. We were sociable and had another Captains with him there, along with the eight or ten rugby snowboarders that had tagged along also...
The joint was pretty dead so we decided to split and we trudged, or better yet, staggered up the hill back to Paddy's.
Part of our plan was based on the concept of "If you can't beat them, join them." The first couple night’s sleep in Sauze D'Oulx were interrupted when Paddy's would close about 2 in the morning... All the patrons would stand outside (on the road in front of our hotel) and sing, discuss the events of the day, giggle, tell jokes, etc. Needless to say, it was a bit disturbing for us... We figured that instead of trying to sleep through it, we'd just join in.
So... 'Round about 2AM we were back drinking with The Captain at Paddy’s...
Amy, the bar wench at Paddy's had an interesting methodology for her mixing; She'd fill the glass with The Captain, then wave a bottle of Coke over the glasses.
She handed one to Mark who sampled the mix, smiled and gave a "thumbs up" sign.
"As a matter of fact," he said, "If I had three hands, I'd give it two thumbs up."
The total for the evening was something like 8 very generous Captain & Cokes each...
The 7 AM wake-up call came only moments after my head hit the pillow...
This is where things get interesting...
We ordered a car from NBC Transportation for 9AM. In the morning. (Ouch)
Want to see a map of where we are talking about?
Click on map for full-sized PDF. Enjoy.
The plan:
1. 9:00 Pick up in Sauze D'Oulx.
2. Drive to Colle in Sestriere. (one hour)
3. Pick up our equipment at Alpine venue.
(2 x 5' 100 lb equipment cases)
4. Drive back to Sauze D'Oulx (one hour)
5. Drop off Mark and his equipment at Freestyle.
6. Yours Truly would continue to Bardonecchia (30 Minutes)
7. Drop YT and my equipment at Snowboarding.
Now, in order to make sure that the transportation order is correct and they understand what I want to do I go, in person, to the transportation office in Sestriere the evening before. I explain that I want a van, big enough for Mark and YT, all our equipment, and with the right passes, credentials, stickers, tickets, etc, to get in to the venues at Colle, Sauze D'Oulx, and Bardonecchia.
"No problem. We have the right passes- everything."
I even get a follow up call from the Big Guy at Transportation, John, assuring me that all will be as ordered.
Cool.
Ok... Mark and I are dutifully, if a bit hung over, waiting outside the hotel at 8:50...
(BGII – 0 - Cold but in good spirits. I'm ready to really get some work accomplished today.)
Then...
I get a call from PDP (Transportation).
"He's on the way. Car M93."
9:00- No car.
9:15- No car.
We start to notice people putting up balloons and banners around town...
A crowd starts gathering down the street in the square. My spider sense starts tingling.
I call NBC Transportation.
"The driver was held up by the torch relay in Cesana... He will be there in moments."
9:30- No sign of the car. More people. It becomes obvious that the torch is coming through the middle of Sauze D'Oulx.
Not a good thing.
9:45- We have retreated to the lobby of the hotel to ward off frostbite.
10:00- No car. Another call to transportation is made.
"He is almost there." they tell me.
10:30- Our car arrives in Sauze D'Oulx. With the Olympic torch. Hundreds of people are lining the streets in Sauze D’Oulx.
Transportation calls me...
"The driver is waiting for you at the town square."
Hmmmm...
"Ok... we'll head that way." I tell her.
I grab my bags...
This is a good time to tell you about my tool kit.
It is a 15"x24" hard plastic black Pelican case... Weighs about 50 pounds.
Has all my tools and sundry items that make events run smoother.
So... I want you to visualize Mark and Yours Truly hastening to the square down the hill from the hotel- Mark with his backpack and a no-nonsense attitude... Me, with my backpack and my tool kit. Walking with haste and purpose. Black jeans, boots, black jacket- looking for all the world like a terrorist rushing through the crowd looking for the optimal place to set off my explosives.
We couldn't find the car down in the square, so I called transportation back...
"Oh... He is in the town square uphill from the hotel... I'm sorry."
Lovely. Two town squares.
(BGII – 2)
We wade back into the crowd, huffing and puffing up the road to the OTHER town square.
Did I mention it was UPHILL? Yeah.
There are even more people up here, and we're moving through the crowd like we're on a mission from God.
We finally made it to the vehicle, threaded our way through the crowd and headed out to Colle... We were even ahead of the torch as it was making it's way downhill.
It was an uneventful trip on the way to Colle- I actually got to enjoy the trip and get a look at the scenery during the journey.
Mark, the sly bastard, got shotgun, so I was sitting in the jump seat in the back of the Lancia.
So... In Colle- we went through vehicle search fast and easy...
Vehicle search is the automotive version of Mag & Bag. The use mirrors to look under the car, they search the engine compartment (the bonnet), the trunk (the boot), and any other nooks and crannies they can find. The occupants are subjected to basic mag & bag procedures, or a pat down, or even a wanding (my personal favorite). Once the vehicle is searched it is allowed to enter the venue or compound.
We got all the way to the NBC Broadcast compound in Colle, loaded out our cases and were back on the road in record time.
Local Yokels
Heading back to Sauze D'Oulx... The driver decided to take the "low road" that goes back along the floor of the valley, rather than along the high road that we had taken from Oulx to Colle. Big mistake.
Just as we were getting into Cesana there was a police roadblock... Not the Carabinieri, the national police, but the local yokels. You know... Morons.
Needless to say, I started doing a quick mental inventory of all the stuff in my bag, toolkit and equipment case...The worst thing I could think of was the flask of Captain Morgan in my jacket pocket.
(Hair of the Dog, you know.)
Anyway- we get pulled over and the local police commence to putting the driver through the wringer.
In the end the issue wound up being that he (the driver) didn't have the original registration for the rental car. Now, I don't know about you, but if I ever get an original registration for a rental vehicle, it will be on Autotrader.com about 30 minutes after I leave the rental lot...
I don't think I've ever even seen a original registration in any kind of rental vehicle.
Anyway, we waste 30 minutes with the Polizia Locale Cesana and we are finally on our way again...
(BGII – 3)
We arrive in Sauze D'Oulx at Freestyle skiing...Mark’s venue.
Actually we arrive at the VSA at Freestyle... We start the process. We know that want to search the car. No Problem.
The 19 or so Carabinieri start to converge on us and one of the Olympic security guys comes to the driver and they have a short but spirited discussion in Italian...
At the end of the chat our status is as follows:
Mark is allowed in. His credential is good.
YT is permitted to enter the site. My creds pass muster.
The vehicle is OK to go in, it has the right sticker.
(...After it is checked for explosives, smallpox, anthrax, and whooping cough, of course.)
BUT... the driver is not allowed to go in the site- his creds don't permit him access.
Lovely.
Easy solution: I'll drive the car. Driver can wait outside the venue.
OK, but he has to check it out with his supervisor first.
A quick phone call is made- the answer is No. His supervisor had another solution...
The driver trudges up the road and goes to the Accreditation Office to get a day pass.
We wait...
15 minutes later, he's back. No pass. He cannot come in. (Why not? Who knows.)
Ok... Now Olympic Security Guy comes back and says that the car is not allowed in either.
(BGII – 5)
Geez...
It wouldn't be a big deal, but the equipment cases are a bitch to roll, and the road to the NBC compound is unpaved and is currently a muddy mess. Let's go into resolution mode...
Mark places a call the tech manager to see if he can send a car out to pick him up out at the security checkpoint (Mag and Bag).
"No problem- sit tight and we'll get a car to you."
Ok... part one solved.
We leave Mark at Mag & Bag for FreeStyle.
(The last time I saw him, they (site security) were removing each piece of equipment from his equipment case and running it through the x-ray machine.
Thye funny part? The x-rayed everything EXCEPT the packing case which had 4" padding all around the equipment. They never checked the case, just the laptops and equipment inside. Definitely rocket surgeons workin' the Mag & Bag at Freestyle.)
One last thing on Mark- I had been sitting in the back seat of this Lancia, in a nice (hard, cold) vinyl seat. By the time we arrived back in Sauze D'Oulx, my ass had a terminal case of frostbite and knees were permanantly locked in a Z-formation.
After dropping off Mark I took shotgun and found that the front seat was a soft, luxurious HEATED Lay-Z-Boy recliner... Mark had been up in the front luxuriating in warmth and comfort... Revenge will be mine, Mark-old-buddy-old-pal...
Ok... On to Bardonecchia.
Well... Almost.
We went from Sauze D'Oulx to Oulx, basically just to the bottom of the hill, and pulled into a parking lot.
Huh?
The driver explains:
"I can no longer drive."
"What?!"
Apparently there is an issue on how many hours you are allowed to drive, or some such other nonsense.
"It is not a problem, though... The are sending another driver from Sestriere."
"How long is that going to take?"
"He is already on his way. He will be here soon."
(BGII – 6 and I'm getting close to losing every bit of my oh-so-copious charm.)
We wasted another 40 minutes waiting for the new driver to arrive...
Finally the new driver, Matteo, shows up... We do a quick swap of keys, radios and paperwork and we are all off again.
Over the river and through the woods, up to Bardonecchia and then to Melezet.
(Melezet is the actual event location, Bardoneccia is nearest town to the venue.)
Finally- the light at the end of the tunnel...
We arrived at VSA to get into Snowboarding, and guess what? We weren't allowed in.
(BGII – 7)
Who's surprised? A show of hands... No one? Good. You're catching on.
Well... I was allowed in, but Matteo was not. My case was another story. Having seen they shenanigans they put Mark through, I was not going to go through that. No way.
I called the Tech Manager (Bruce Middleton, a gentleman and a scholar I knew from our days with the NBA on NBC together) to ask if they had a vehicle to pick me up.
He said he'd send it down in just a few minutes, and by golly, 4 minutes had elapsed and Simone (NBC's Runner) had arrived with the car and he helped me transfer equipment.
He took the car through VSA and I went through the regular M&B.
Then they dragged me back to the VSA because they wanted to look inside all my cases...
"No problem," says I, and we dragged them back out of the car and opened everything up. The asked the same questions I always hear-
“Who are you, Why do you need this, Who do you work for?”
I can see the finish line in sight now, so I answer all the questions, politely and with a smile...but the BGII was rapidly closing on 8...
Yes sir, no sir, yes sir...
They pass us on and we are rolling into the Broadcast compound...
Finish time: 3:05 PM, for a job that should have been through at 11:00 if the credentials were right, and there was no torch relay...
Really- it was a comedy of errors- none the fault of the Transportation department, or the drivers...I do fault the cops, and the clueless VSA goobers and their inability to stick to the long-ago agreed-upon procedures.
One last goodie:
When it was finally time for Mark to leave his venue, he called transportation for a vehicle. They said “No problem, 20 minutes.”
Twenty minutes passes and he gets a call from PDP.
“Your car has arrived.”
Excellent, he thinks- it will be down the road where they hold all the non-accredited vehicles that come to pick up staff.
He walks out of the graphics truck and the car is waiting at the foot of the stairs.
Inside the venue.
In the broadcast compound.
Without correct credentials for the driver or the car.
She just drove right in, no muss no fuss.
BGII Level 9.
I'm wondering if the roof of the hotel will do instead of a clock tower...
One final thing, the webcam is up when I'm in my hovel.
WEBCAM
No, it doesn't refresh on its own... The pic changes every 60 seconds.
Hit F5 for a refresh.
TBG out...
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Torino Bound
For those of you who remember Athens, you might remember that the last "Picture of the Day" was one of Ned Jackson...
Well...
I'm off to Torino, and from what I've been hearing, it is colder than a Titches Wit.
Hope I can find something warm to take with me to wear.
Speaking of Torino, let me introduce the Torino 2006 Crew:
Daryl "Ned Flanders" Carson
Stass "The Nyet-worker" Iordanov
Silent Bob Lanham (a/k/a - The Apostle)
Smilin' Dave Kananen
Susan "Greek Killer" Walker
Lacey Koerner (Olympics Rookie 1)
Mark Moore (Olympics Rookie 2)
Mitch "The Regulator" Mitchell
and Yours Truly, The Rotten Bastard.
Once I'm on-site and get my venue set up, I'll have the webcam running.
You can reach it from the main page, the eyeball on the top left side...
WEBCAM
So for the next couple days while I'm in transit, let me give you some stuff to check out...
Dry Tortugas - Jan 2006
Some pics from my last visit to The Island.
Pics from Torino & Venice.
From December 2005.
One of my favorite toy stores...
Thinkgeek.
For a unique view of the news of the day...
The Shanghai Daily.
That should keep you for a while.
Later-
TBG Out.
Well...
I'm off to Torino, and from what I've been hearing, it is colder than a Titches Wit.
Hope I can find something warm to take with me to wear.
Speaking of Torino, let me introduce the Torino 2006 Crew:
Daryl "Ned Flanders" Carson
Stass "The Nyet-worker" Iordanov
Silent Bob Lanham (a/k/a - The Apostle)
Smilin' Dave Kananen
Susan "Greek Killer" Walker
Lacey Koerner (Olympics Rookie 1)
Mark Moore (Olympics Rookie 2)
Mitch "The Regulator" Mitchell
and Yours Truly, The Rotten Bastard.
Once I'm on-site and get my venue set up, I'll have the webcam running.
You can reach it from the main page, the eyeball on the top left side...
WEBCAM
So for the next couple days while I'm in transit, let me give you some stuff to check out...
Dry Tortugas - Jan 2006
Some pics from my last visit to The Island.
Pics from Torino & Venice.
From December 2005.
One of my favorite toy stores...
Thinkgeek.
For a unique view of the news of the day...
The Shanghai Daily.
That should keep you for a while.
Later-
TBG Out.
Top Ten reasons...
JWI suggested this might be appropriate fodder for the 'Blog...
Thanks Jim...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Top Ten reasons why Men prefer guns over Women :
Thanks Jim...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Top Ten reasons why Men prefer guns over Women :
- #10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
- #9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
- #8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
- #7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
- #6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
- #5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
- #4. Guns function normally every day of the month.
- #3. A gun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
- #2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman....
- #1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN
Thursday, January 26, 2006
More Questions?
There is a certain faction of people out there that are trying to drive me nuts.
(Don't act innocent, you know who you are...)
Look, I'm not Alex Trebek, and I'm not buzzing my answer button...No more questions.
Haven't you people ever imagined a world with no hypothetical questions?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here are the questions, supply your own smart-assed answers:
If a General is a higher ranking officer than a Major, then why is a major illness worse than a general illness?
When an atheist swears on a Bible before they testify in court do they have to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth since they don't believe in God?
If a pack of gum says that each piece is 10 calories, is that amount just chewing the gum, or also for swallowing it?
Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.
How come only your fingers and toes get wrinkly in the shower and nothing else does?
Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?
Are there pink lemons that make pink lemonade?
Why do we say "heads up" when we actually duck?
When a store has double doors why do they only let you use one of them?
If there was a crumb on the table and you cut it in half, would you have two crumbs or two halves of a crumb?
What was Captian Hook's name before he had a hook for a hand?
Why is it that when adults have multiple personalities it's schizophrenia, but when a child has imaginary friends it's cute?
Can you put a gay man in a straight jacket?
Do stairs go up or down?
Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?
If "Hooters" were to become a door-to-door delivery service would they have to change their name to "Knockers"?
When French people swear do they say "Pardon my English"?
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?
Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?
Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?
Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable?
Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?
Why did Mary own a little lamb?
If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?
Is Jerry Garcia grateful to be dead?
How come popcorn isn't a vegetable?
Why do they put the names of football teams on baseball caps?
If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver's license?
How come you pay an extra 25 cents to get something put on your hamburger but they don't take off the price if you get something taken off?
Do pyromaniacs wear blazers?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Since a running back runs forward, why is he called a running back?
Why do they call the small candy bars the "fun sizes"? Wouldn't be more fun to eat a big one?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going too ?
How come you can kill a deer and put it on your wall but it's illegal to keep one as a pet?
What do vegetarians feed their dogs?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
If a man has no fingers, can he press charges?
Why do people say, "you've been working like a dog" when dogs just sit around all day?
Why isn't the word 'gullible' in the dictionary?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?
Why is it when we ask for the check in a restaurant they bring us a bill?
Why do they call him a Skipper when he just stands there?
Why does "lake" come first (Lake Michigan) and "river" come second (Mississippi River)?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Can't anybody who has a job go in the "employees only" doors at restaurants? Shouldn’t they be more specific and say "employees of this place only"?
What is the parking situation like at the Special Olympics?
Why do they put Canadian bacon on Hawaiian Pizza?
How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
How come when you go in the front door of a church, you are at the back of the church, and if you go in the back door, you would end up in the front of the church?
Why is Bra singular and Panties plural?
If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?
What does the T in T-Shirt really mean?
How can someone be dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
Why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Do dumped farmers get John Deere letters?
Why do they call them "Animal Crackers" when there not even crackers...they're cookies?
How do you throw away a garbage can?
Why in baseball is it called the World Series if it is only played in the U.S.A & Canada?
Why are things typed up but written down?
Why is it called a TV set when there is only one?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Why do they call it an escalator if it takes you down?
Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?
Why is the third hand on the watch called second hand?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
What do people in China call their good plates?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Can good looking Eskimo girls be called hot?
Do sore thumbs really stick out?
Why does Bugs bunny walk around the cartoon naked, but puts a bathing suit on when he goes swimming?
Can you make cheese out of human breast milk?
Why is it called butterfingers when there is no butter or fingers in it?
If Pringles are "so good that once you pop, you can't stop" why do they come with a resealable lid?
Why do you click on start to exit Microsoft Windows?
Have you ever wondered why Trix are only for kids?
Why is a person that handles your money called a BROKER?
Why do they have handicap parking spaces in front of they skating rings?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
If a Man is talking in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her friends?
Why do they call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere but call it a hemorrhoid when its in your ass?
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
Could someone ever get addicted to counseling? If so, how could you treat them?
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!
How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
If a bus station is where a bus stops, and a train station is where a train stops, why do I have a work station on my desk?
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
What is the speed of dark?
When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Why aren't there bulletproof pants?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?
Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
---------------
OK.... Are you happy now?
TBG Out.
(Don't act innocent, you know who you are...)
Look, I'm not Alex Trebek, and I'm not buzzing my answer button...No more questions.
Haven't you people ever imagined a world with no hypothetical questions?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here are the questions, supply your own smart-assed answers:
If a General is a higher ranking officer than a Major, then why is a major illness worse than a general illness?
When an atheist swears on a Bible before they testify in court do they have to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth since they don't believe in God?
If a pack of gum says that each piece is 10 calories, is that amount just chewing the gum, or also for swallowing it?
Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.
How come only your fingers and toes get wrinkly in the shower and nothing else does?
Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?
Are there pink lemons that make pink lemonade?
Why do we say "heads up" when we actually duck?
When a store has double doors why do they only let you use one of them?
If there was a crumb on the table and you cut it in half, would you have two crumbs or two halves of a crumb?
What was Captian Hook's name before he had a hook for a hand?
Why is it that when adults have multiple personalities it's schizophrenia, but when a child has imaginary friends it's cute?
Can you put a gay man in a straight jacket?
Do stairs go up or down?
Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?
If "Hooters" were to become a door-to-door delivery service would they have to change their name to "Knockers"?
When French people swear do they say "Pardon my English"?
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?
Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?
Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?
Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable?
Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?
Why did Mary own a little lamb?
If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?
Is Jerry Garcia grateful to be dead?
How come popcorn isn't a vegetable?
Why do they put the names of football teams on baseball caps?
If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver's license?
How come you pay an extra 25 cents to get something put on your hamburger but they don't take off the price if you get something taken off?
Do pyromaniacs wear blazers?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Since a running back runs forward, why is he called a running back?
Why do they call the small candy bars the "fun sizes"? Wouldn't be more fun to eat a big one?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going too ?
How come you can kill a deer and put it on your wall but it's illegal to keep one as a pet?
What do vegetarians feed their dogs?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
If a man has no fingers, can he press charges?
Why do people say, "you've been working like a dog" when dogs just sit around all day?
Why isn't the word 'gullible' in the dictionary?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?
Why is it when we ask for the check in a restaurant they bring us a bill?
Why do they call him a Skipper when he just stands there?
Why does "lake" come first (Lake Michigan) and "river" come second (Mississippi River)?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Can't anybody who has a job go in the "employees only" doors at restaurants? Shouldn’t they be more specific and say "employees of this place only"?
What is the parking situation like at the Special Olympics?
Why do they put Canadian bacon on Hawaiian Pizza?
How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
How come when you go in the front door of a church, you are at the back of the church, and if you go in the back door, you would end up in the front of the church?
Why is Bra singular and Panties plural?
If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?
What does the T in T-Shirt really mean?
How can someone be dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
Why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Do dumped farmers get John Deere letters?
Why do they call them "Animal Crackers" when there not even crackers...they're cookies?
How do you throw away a garbage can?
Why in baseball is it called the World Series if it is only played in the U.S.A & Canada?
Why are things typed up but written down?
Why is it called a TV set when there is only one?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Why do they call it an escalator if it takes you down?
Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?
Why is the third hand on the watch called second hand?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
What do people in China call their good plates?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Can good looking Eskimo girls be called hot?
Do sore thumbs really stick out?
Why does Bugs bunny walk around the cartoon naked, but puts a bathing suit on when he goes swimming?
Can you make cheese out of human breast milk?
Why is it called butterfingers when there is no butter or fingers in it?
If Pringles are "so good that once you pop, you can't stop" why do they come with a resealable lid?
Why do you click on start to exit Microsoft Windows?
Have you ever wondered why Trix are only for kids?
Why is a person that handles your money called a BROKER?
Why do they have handicap parking spaces in front of they skating rings?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
If a Man is talking in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her friends?
Why do they call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere but call it a hemorrhoid when its in your ass?
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
Could someone ever get addicted to counseling? If so, how could you treat them?
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!
How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
If a bus station is where a bus stops, and a train station is where a train stops, why do I have a work station on my desk?
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
What is the speed of dark?
When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Why aren't there bulletproof pants?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?
Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
---------------
OK.... Are you happy now?
TBG Out.
Monday, January 23, 2006
I'm going to die...
This really doesn't suprise me...
You scored as Disappear. Your death will be by disappearing, probably a camping trip gone wrong or an evening hike you never returned from. Always remeber that one guy who was hiking alone and got in a rock slide. He could have died, but he cut his own hand off to save himself. Don't end up like him (or worse, dead).
How Will You Die??
created with QuizFarm.com
Gunshot | 100% | ||
Disappear | 100% | ||
Stabbed | 87% | ||
Suffocated | 73% | ||
Eaten | 67% | ||
Posion | 60% | ||
Suicide | 60% | ||
Accident | 53% | ||
Bomb | 47% | ||
Natural Causes | 40% | ||
Cut Throat | 33% | ||
Drowning | 33% | ||
Disease | 27% |
How Will You Die??
created with QuizFarm.com
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Award Shows
Y'know something that really gets my knickers in a twist?
Entertainment Industry award shows.
We're right in the middle of the Award Show season...
The Golden Globes, the SAG awards, the Obies, the Emmys, the LA Film Critics Awards, the Grammys (and Latin Grammys), the ESPYs, the Tonys, MTV's Music Video Awards, and of course, the Academy Awards...
(With all the different people out there throwing statuettes at each other, if you don't win something this year, your agent just isn't trying hard enough.)
It really turns my stomach to see the Hollywood glitterati gladhanding each other, giving themselves awards, dressing in the most tasteless manner...
It just makes me ill.
And to top it all off, there are TV shows about the shows, and there are TV shows about what happens before the show, and of course, shows about what goes on at the parties after the shows...
Award shows, in general, are an excuse to self-publicise...
Do we see this in any other industry?
What if all the car makers got together and gave each other awards every year?
"And the award for the best body style of 2005 goes to... Isuzu, for the new Eclipse!!"
How about chefs?
"And in the Best Rack of Lamb catagory, the nominees are..."
You don't see this kind of thing in NORMAL businesses, because the award you get when you do a good job is that people BUY your product or service...
If you don't do a good job you go out of business or lose your job, or whatever.
In the Entertainment Industry, if you don't get the award, or worse, don't get nominated, God forbid, it is cause for some world class pouting...and let me tell you, that is one crowd that is capable of putting on a serious act of being offended if they think they are being dissed... And for all the gushing sincerity you see when they are accepting their chrome plated bijou, remember that these people are ACTORS, ferchrissake! There isn't a real and sincere bone in their bodies... They make a living by ACTING sincere... So as they are up at the poduim thanking their moms and their dogs and their stockbrokers and bartenders, all they are trying to do is to prolong their time in the spotlight-
"I hope everyone can see how good I am looking, and how well I can act... I need another job this year."
Hey, Hollywood!
If your film/show/play/whatever is worthwhile, we'll go see it.
We don't need to hear clip after clip of pre-show buildups and shameless self-promotion in the weeks leading up to the show... and I could give a shit how many many times you've been nominated, or how many awards you've got, or how many times your have been snubbed.
Geez... I'm surprised I don't blow a gasket just watching all the crap as the cover it on the news... As if it were actually someting important...
"Three dead in Iraq today, two hundred killed in chemical spill- But first! The Oscar nominees are announced! Here's the live report from Hollywood..."
TBG out. (Reading a book. Try it some time.)
(What book? This week's read is Malcom Lowry's Under the Volcano.)
Entertainment Industry award shows.
We're right in the middle of the Award Show season...
The Golden Globes, the SAG awards, the Obies, the Emmys, the LA Film Critics Awards, the Grammys (and Latin Grammys), the ESPYs, the Tonys, MTV's Music Video Awards, and of course, the Academy Awards...
(With all the different people out there throwing statuettes at each other, if you don't win something this year, your agent just isn't trying hard enough.)
It really turns my stomach to see the Hollywood glitterati gladhanding each other, giving themselves awards, dressing in the most tasteless manner...
It just makes me ill.
And to top it all off, there are TV shows about the shows, and there are TV shows about what happens before the show, and of course, shows about what goes on at the parties after the shows...
Award shows, in general, are an excuse to self-publicise...
Do we see this in any other industry?
What if all the car makers got together and gave each other awards every year?
"And the award for the best body style of 2005 goes to... Isuzu, for the new Eclipse!!"
How about chefs?
"And in the Best Rack of Lamb catagory, the nominees are..."
You don't see this kind of thing in NORMAL businesses, because the award you get when you do a good job is that people BUY your product or service...
If you don't do a good job you go out of business or lose your job, or whatever.
In the Entertainment Industry, if you don't get the award, or worse, don't get nominated, God forbid, it is cause for some world class pouting...and let me tell you, that is one crowd that is capable of putting on a serious act of being offended if they think they are being dissed... And for all the gushing sincerity you see when they are accepting their chrome plated bijou, remember that these people are ACTORS, ferchrissake! There isn't a real and sincere bone in their bodies... They make a living by ACTING sincere... So as they are up at the poduim thanking their moms and their dogs and their stockbrokers and bartenders, all they are trying to do is to prolong their time in the spotlight-
"I hope everyone can see how good I am looking, and how well I can act... I need another job this year."
Hey, Hollywood!
If your film/show/play/whatever is worthwhile, we'll go see it.
We don't need to hear clip after clip of pre-show buildups and shameless self-promotion in the weeks leading up to the show... and I could give a shit how many many times you've been nominated, or how many awards you've got, or how many times your have been snubbed.
Geez... I'm surprised I don't blow a gasket just watching all the crap as the cover it on the news... As if it were actually someting important...
"Three dead in Iraq today, two hundred killed in chemical spill- But first! The Oscar nominees are announced! Here's the live report from Hollywood..."
TBG out. (Reading a book. Try it some time.)
(What book? This week's read is Malcom Lowry's Under the Volcano.)
Saturday, January 14, 2006
FAQ - Tortugas Edition
Frequently Asked Questions - Tortugas Edition.
Q: Hot enough for ya?
A: Nope. I want it so hot that all the visitors melt as they step off the boat.
Q: Is that Cuba? (Pointing to Loggerhead Key)
A: Yep. That lighthouse is the harbor light for Havana.
Q: How far are we from Havana, Cuba?
A: 24,770 miles. (I prefer going via the polar route.)
Q: Are the Cuban Refugees that get here allowed to stay?
A: Yep. We issue each of them a tent and they are all now living in the campground.
Q: Are these migratory islands?
A: Yes. They spend the winter in South America, returning here each spring..
Q: Where is the best place to snorkle?
A: Well... You can start by getting the the water.
Q: Where is the water?
A: Pick a direction and start walking.
Q: Can I snorkle without getting in the water?
A: Sure. Go see the folks at Capt. Ricks Rent-a-Sub out by the dock... They'll set you right up. It's right next to the Starbucks.
Q: Has anyone ever fallen off the top of the fort?
A: Sure. Want to be next?
Q: Why are there fish in the moat?
A: They got tired of living in the campground with the Cuban Refugees.
Q: If you guys have DirecTV, how come my cell phone won't work out here?
A: You need a better phone.
Q: What did they do with the dead bodies? (Soldiers/prisoners who died from yellow fever)
A: Catapults. We used the catapults.
Q: How do y'all get out here every morning?
A: We take the tunnel from Key Wast.
Q: Do you live out here?
A: Just barely.
Q: What do you eat?
A: We exist on solely on SANDwiches...
Q: Are there Rangers here?
A: Yes- 4 Park Rangers, 2 Power Rangers, 3 Rescue Rangers, and one Texas Ranger.
Q: Are there any animals here?
A: Only the ones who come out on Sunny Days or the Yankee Freedom.
Q: Where are all the pretty fish?
A: Oops. I forgot to turn on the Pretty Fish machine...
Q: Are there turtles here?
A: No. But we have some nice pralines and truffles.
Q: Do the turtles eat marshmallows?
A: Yes, but, there is a similar issue to the problem of birds eating rice from weddings...
Just imagine the same kind of thing with turtle shell shrapnel flying everywhere when one goes off...
Q: Where do you keep the pelicans at night?
A: They are sent back to Key West on the Yankee Freedom and Sunny Days every afternoon.
Q: What do the sooty terns sound like at night?
A: Well, one night last June I sat out on the dock and listened to them over on Bush Key...
The noise was similar to a moving van full of waffles running over a herd of donkeys.
Q: Will my iPod work out here?
A: Yes, but it will only play Jimmy Buffet tunes and Calypso music.
TBG out-
Q: Hot enough for ya?
A: Nope. I want it so hot that all the visitors melt as they step off the boat.
Q: Is that Cuba? (Pointing to Loggerhead Key)
A: Yep. That lighthouse is the harbor light for Havana.
Q: How far are we from Havana, Cuba?
A: 24,770 miles. (I prefer going via the polar route.)
Q: Are the Cuban Refugees that get here allowed to stay?
A: Yep. We issue each of them a tent and they are all now living in the campground.
Q: Are these migratory islands?
A: Yes. They spend the winter in South America, returning here each spring..
Q: Where is the best place to snorkle?
A: Well... You can start by getting the the water.
Q: Where is the water?
A: Pick a direction and start walking.
Q: Can I snorkle without getting in the water?
A: Sure. Go see the folks at Capt. Ricks Rent-a-Sub out by the dock... They'll set you right up. It's right next to the Starbucks.
Q: Has anyone ever fallen off the top of the fort?
A: Sure. Want to be next?
Q: Why are there fish in the moat?
A: They got tired of living in the campground with the Cuban Refugees.
Q: If you guys have DirecTV, how come my cell phone won't work out here?
A: You need a better phone.
Q: What did they do with the dead bodies? (Soldiers/prisoners who died from yellow fever)
A: Catapults. We used the catapults.
Q: How do y'all get out here every morning?
A: We take the tunnel from Key Wast.
Q: Do you live out here?
A: Just barely.
Q: What do you eat?
A: We exist on solely on SANDwiches...
Q: Are there Rangers here?
A: Yes- 4 Park Rangers, 2 Power Rangers, 3 Rescue Rangers, and one Texas Ranger.
Q: Are there any animals here?
A: Only the ones who come out on Sunny Days or the Yankee Freedom.
Q: Where are all the pretty fish?
A: Oops. I forgot to turn on the Pretty Fish machine...
Q: Are there turtles here?
A: No. But we have some nice pralines and truffles.
Q: Do the turtles eat marshmallows?
A: Yes, but, there is a similar issue to the problem of birds eating rice from weddings...
Just imagine the same kind of thing with turtle shell shrapnel flying everywhere when one goes off...
Q: Where do you keep the pelicans at night?
A: They are sent back to Key West on the Yankee Freedom and Sunny Days every afternoon.
Q: What do the sooty terns sound like at night?
A: Well, one night last June I sat out on the dock and listened to them over on Bush Key...
The noise was similar to a moving van full of waffles running over a herd of donkeys.
Q: Will my iPod work out here?
A: Yes, but it will only play Jimmy Buffet tunes and Calypso music.
TBG out-
Monday, January 09, 2006
Current Events
So... A quick recap of the last few days:
Friday- No Boats came out from Key West. Weather was pretty bad- 30 knot winds, gusts into the 40s. I had 6 campers: a guy and a girl from Philadelphia- very low-maintenance folks, and 4 guys from Croatia (I think) who were ill-prepared for bad weather.
I tried to warn them on Thursday that the boats might not be running for a couple days, but they wanted to stick it out. They were relying on their survival skills to procure food- fishing off the dock for snappers- and not doing well at it.
They had plenty of water and beer but no food...
By Friday afternoon they were worried- it didn't look good for boats on Saturday either. Winds were still high and the tempature was dropping.
We called Sunny Days And Yankee- they said the jury was still out for Saturday and to call back in the morning.
Saturday was still windy and cold (67 degrees) but one of the boats was coming out- I believe it was only because of the campers... they only had 12 people on the boat.
No campers on Saturday night- and both boats came out Sunday, and still no campers. Hooha!
We decided to try to prep the 7 chugs on the seaplane ramp to be removed by the cargo boat, so I have been spending most of my time mucking out the chugs and removing the trash to the burn pile, and removing the engines from the boats themselves...
(Click for larger pic)
The chugs are made to survive the trip across the gulfstream, a one-way trip, so they are built to make it- not to be deconstructed, so it is a huge effort to get the things apart...
It is kind of a backwards "Junkyard Wars"...
Monday- We're almost finished prepping the chugs- 2 motors left to pull. We've removed about 25 gallons of diesel fuel and several huge trash barrels of old clothes, shoes, food and other miscellaneous garbage.
Both boats are running today- probably 60 visitors on the island today...
And the best news- no campers on the boats today.
Another quiet night on the Tortugas...
TBG out-
Friday- No Boats came out from Key West. Weather was pretty bad- 30 knot winds, gusts into the 40s. I had 6 campers: a guy and a girl from Philadelphia- very low-maintenance folks, and 4 guys from Croatia (I think) who were ill-prepared for bad weather.
I tried to warn them on Thursday that the boats might not be running for a couple days, but they wanted to stick it out. They were relying on their survival skills to procure food- fishing off the dock for snappers- and not doing well at it.
They had plenty of water and beer but no food...
By Friday afternoon they were worried- it didn't look good for boats on Saturday either. Winds were still high and the tempature was dropping.
We called Sunny Days And Yankee- they said the jury was still out for Saturday and to call back in the morning.
Saturday was still windy and cold (67 degrees) but one of the boats was coming out- I believe it was only because of the campers... they only had 12 people on the boat.
No campers on Saturday night- and both boats came out Sunday, and still no campers. Hooha!
We decided to try to prep the 7 chugs on the seaplane ramp to be removed by the cargo boat, so I have been spending most of my time mucking out the chugs and removing the trash to the burn pile, and removing the engines from the boats themselves...
(Click for larger pic)
The chugs are made to survive the trip across the gulfstream, a one-way trip, so they are built to make it- not to be deconstructed, so it is a huge effort to get the things apart...
It is kind of a backwards "Junkyard Wars"...
Monday- We're almost finished prepping the chugs- 2 motors left to pull. We've removed about 25 gallons of diesel fuel and several huge trash barrels of old clothes, shoes, food and other miscellaneous garbage.
Both boats are running today- probably 60 visitors on the island today...
And the best news- no campers on the boats today.
Another quiet night on the Tortugas...
TBG out-
Friday, January 06, 2006
Ugly weather
No boats today...
I was out on Dawn Patrol at about 6:30 this morning, scanning for chugs.
On the way out I checked the weather station- Wind steady in the high 20s, gusts up to 38mph. 65 degrees. Not pretty.
I called Sunny Days & the Yankee, they aren't coming.
Hoo ha!
So... No Migrants, No visitors, probably no seaplanes either, due to the high winds.
I'm cleaning the bathrooms, then heading back to my quarters.
TBG Out.
I was out on Dawn Patrol at about 6:30 this morning, scanning for chugs.
On the way out I checked the weather station- Wind steady in the high 20s, gusts up to 38mph. 65 degrees. Not pretty.
I called Sunny Days & the Yankee, they aren't coming.
Hoo ha!
So... No Migrants, No visitors, probably no seaplanes either, due to the high winds.
I'm cleaning the bathrooms, then heading back to my quarters.
TBG Out.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Chugs-R-Us
Another load of Migrants this AM... A small chugboat arrived on Long Key at 6:50am.
(Fortunately we were already up and loading recyclables on the Park supply boat for transport back to Key West.)
Let's look at the scoreboard...
Dec 30 - 15
Dec 31 - 13
Jan 1 - 22
Jan 2 - 12
Jan 3 - 0 <--- WTF?
Jan 4 - 34
Jan 5 - 13
So... 107 in the last 7 days.
And if you are curious about the gender breakdown,
103 Men, 4 women.
(Scoring courtesy of Swiss Timing)
TBG Out-
(Fortunately we were already up and loading recyclables on the Park supply boat for transport back to Key West.)
Let's look at the scoreboard...
Dec 30 - 15
Dec 31 - 13
Jan 1 - 22
Jan 2 - 12
Jan 3 - 0 <--- WTF?
Jan 4 - 34
Jan 5 - 13
So... 107 in the last 7 days.
And if you are curious about the gender breakdown,
103 Men, 4 women.
(Scoring courtesy of Swiss Timing)
TBG Out-
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Don't molest the wildlife.
One of our campers came up to me yesterday morning...
They had accidently dropped a dive mask off the dock where the ferries park and wanted to try to retrieve it before the boats arrived for the day.
"No problem," I told them, "but just be aware of the Goliath Grouper under the dock."
"Really? Are they dangerous?" they asked.
"Well... They're big.. The biggest one is about 275lbs."
"Wow. Do they attack? I mean, would they bite?" they asked.
"Uh... Well, they'll attack...But it's not what you're thinking."
They gave me a puzzled look.
"It's their mating season. If you're attacked, fake an orgasm."
They didn't try to get the mask.
TBG Out-
They had accidently dropped a dive mask off the dock where the ferries park and wanted to try to retrieve it before the boats arrived for the day.
"No problem," I told them, "but just be aware of the Goliath Grouper under the dock."
"Really? Are they dangerous?" they asked.
"Well... They're big.. The biggest one is about 275lbs."
"Wow. Do they attack? I mean, would they bite?" they asked.
"Uh... Well, they'll attack...But it's not what you're thinking."
They gave me a puzzled look.
"It's their mating season. If you're attacked, fake an orgasm."
They didn't try to get the mask.
TBG Out-
Monday, January 02, 2006
Got Chug?
It's been busy-busy-busy out here...
We've had migrants 4 nights in a row now- 15 on the 30th, 13 on the 31st, 22 on the 1st, and 12 this morning.
Our goodwill is wearing a little thin now, along with a lot of other things.
We're almost out of supplies of spare clothes, extra food, etc that we need to deal with the migrants. We've been scavenging the leftovers from Sunny Days' and Yankee Freedom's lunch buffet to take to the migrants so they have at least a little something to eat...
Today's group arrived at sunup this morning, but the Coast Guard won't be able to get them until tomorrow AM...
There will probably be a new group on shore tomorrow anyway, so it's just as well...
It's getting so bad that when we hear the radio in the early morning hours we already know what the content of the message will be...
This morning's radio conversation was indicative of our situation:
Just after dawn this morning we heard,
"200, 200, this is Loggerhead."
The volunteers on Loggerhead Key were calling in...
"How many?" was Willy's only reply, the resignation in his voice came through almost tangibly on the radio. He already knew what they were calling in for...
"200, 200... We have 12, 10 men, 2 women. Came in on a chug on the southeast shore."
Long pause.
"Loggerhead...{heavy sigh} Yeah- we'll be over shortly."
The machine was set in motion; Calls would be made to the Coast Guard, food and medical supplies would be secured and transported to Loggerhead; the migrants would be searched and pre-processed for the trip to Key West and from there to Krome.
Just another day in paradise.
62 migrants in 4 days...
Do the math.
TBG Out.
We've had migrants 4 nights in a row now- 15 on the 30th, 13 on the 31st, 22 on the 1st, and 12 this morning.
Our goodwill is wearing a little thin now, along with a lot of other things.
We're almost out of supplies of spare clothes, extra food, etc that we need to deal with the migrants. We've been scavenging the leftovers from Sunny Days' and Yankee Freedom's lunch buffet to take to the migrants so they have at least a little something to eat...
Today's group arrived at sunup this morning, but the Coast Guard won't be able to get them until tomorrow AM...
There will probably be a new group on shore tomorrow anyway, so it's just as well...
It's getting so bad that when we hear the radio in the early morning hours we already know what the content of the message will be...
This morning's radio conversation was indicative of our situation:
Just after dawn this morning we heard,
"200, 200, this is Loggerhead."
The volunteers on Loggerhead Key were calling in...
"How many?" was Willy's only reply, the resignation in his voice came through almost tangibly on the radio. He already knew what they were calling in for...
"200, 200... We have 12, 10 men, 2 women. Came in on a chug on the southeast shore."
Long pause.
"Loggerhead...{heavy sigh} Yeah- we'll be over shortly."
The machine was set in motion; Calls would be made to the Coast Guard, food and medical supplies would be secured and transported to Loggerhead; the migrants would be searched and pre-processed for the trip to Key West and from there to Krome.
Just another day in paradise.
62 migrants in 4 days...
Do the math.
TBG Out.
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