Monday, January 12, 2015

I Must Be Getting Mellow In My Dotage...

Sydney Olympic Park is just chock-full of bicyclists every flippin' day.
And I'm talking these lycra-clad bags of douche and their $8000 carbonfibre-and-unicorn-earwax bicycles, racing around the 6km perimeter road- not your typical two-wheeled tourist-types.
I have nothing against bicyclists in general, but these morons think they own the roads hereabouts...

(This is A moron, but not THE moron.)

Edwin Frack Boulevard is a four-lane split median road, and at 7AM there ain't no one on the road except the occasional idjit like me, and a boatload of LWAHs (Lycra-Wearing AssHats) that come zipping by every couple minutes.

Long story short, at around 7:15 AM I was in the midst of parallel parking in front of the hotel to pick up my co-worker, when a Lance Armstrong wanna-be comes racing by- 
"Learn to f*cking park, asshole" he shouts as he goes past.
Really, I was just pulling into the space...
You felt I needed insulting because you had to move over a bit on the (very empty) road?
Now... (And this is where the title comes from...)
All I could think of doing at this point was...

(...Wait for it....)

Finish parking the car and waiting for my man Andy show up so we could get to work...
(I know. Surprised me too.)

There was a time (not too long ago) that Billy Bicycle would have felt the tap of a front bumper sending him off to a high-speed impact with a eucalyptus tree, or perhaps a car door might be opened in front of him, and I'd still have been back to pick up Andy and make it to the site on time.
Billy would get that special feeling- the kind of feeling you get as you ride to the hospital with your teeth in your pocket.

But not this day...

I must be slipping. Getting mellow.


What the hell is happening to me?


Teke said...

I had a lycra wearing asshat flip me off and swear at me as he made a right turn in front of me after riding up between the cars in the middle and left lane all because he's special because he be ridin' a bi-cycle he special.
Boy gonna get his expensive bike havin privilege checked.
By my front bumper.

The Big Guy said...

Yeah- the LWAHs are going to find out that their attitude is going to engender some backlash soon...
We'll see how effective that spandex you're wearing is against road rash when I slip a piece of rebar into your front spokes.

Old NFO said...

Ummm... I'd suspect you just didn't want to do the paperwork... :-)

kx59 said...

Past experience of having been arrested in foreign countries might be an influence.
Wisdom comes from experience.
Experience comes from failure.

The Big Guy said...

Very true.
I still think it would be only a very minor charge - Cruelty to Animals, Disturbing the Wildlife or such.
(Definitely could be considered a public service - kinda like killing feral hogs in FL)

Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.