Sunday, March 25, 2012

Sheeps

Walking through random airports last summer everyone was toting one of GRRMartin's tomes. 
3 weeks ago, you couldn't swing a dead cat without hitting someone reading one of the Steig Larsson's "The Girl Who... " books.
This week the status read is Susan Collins' Hunger Games books...
Damn.
I have catching up to do.

TBG, sitting, waiting.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

You Keep Using That Word...

I don't think it means what you think it means.
Friday Conference Call Puzzler
We were on a call discussing a new project phase that in several cities will require extending fiber-optic connectivity from one location to another spot in the facility.
As a rule it would only be a extension of 10 to 30 meters.
Random participant:
"Do we know how many locations need extensions to the fiber?
We could make up some tactical fiber segments in generic lengths and have them available to the install teams."
I missed the next 2 minutes of the call as I was thinking of how a set of  rails, a collapsible stock, a red dot sight and maybe a flash suppressor installed on a 25m coil of six-strand singlemode fiber would make installing our hardware easier...
TBG

Thursday, March 15, 2012

"Hey Julius-

...what's buggin you, man?"
"I don't want nobody around me like yon Cassius, for he has that lean and hongry look. Dude looks like a hound dog in search of a charcoal-broiled sow's snout."

The Ides of March
Beware them.


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Ew. Just ew.

Overheard in the car:
TBG: "That must be a bakery or something."
JR: "I don't know... Could be an underwear store."
TBG: "Uh...Wow. That's pretty gross."


Wednesday, March 07, 2012

Want!

Although I really will look like a big damned bear from the circus riding around on this thing...



TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Tuesday, March 06, 2012

Personal Philosophy



TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Monday, March 05, 2012

Airport Ruminations

-or-
Put on your shocked face, The Big Guy is going to say disparaging things about the TSA.

Ready....Go.
















 So, two Testicle Squeezers are on station at the boarding gate as they are loading the flight for Charlotte at 6:15am, giving everyone the Hairy Eyeball.
They are wearing their 30 minute "Behavior Evaluation" on-line course like it's a 8-year degree in behavioral psychology and analysis from Harvard...

About every 6th or 7th person is waved over and a quick bag check is done - they spend 5 seconds looking in the Lucky Traveler's carry-on.

So... Tell me, Nut Jugglers, is this how we're staying "one step ahead" of the Threat to American Skies?
The implication is that by checking inside bags at the door of the plane, you are admitting that you didn't do a good job at the main checkpoint and you obviously missed something.
And what makes you think that you will find something with a 5 second glance that an X-Ray couldn't detect back when we went through Mag & Bag?

TSA - Dumbassery On Parade.


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

What It Feels Like...

...when my alarm goes off at 4:00AM, and I have to leave to have
my testicles fiddled with at the airport.



TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Sunday, March 04, 2012

Tolerance?

Well...
That's a new one.


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Thursday, March 01, 2012

Waddaya Know?

Whoda thunk it...?
The Testicle Squeezers at Pittsburgh Int'l actually accepted the NEXUS card as ID this AM.

Color me amused.

TBG, at gate...

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Evil Petroleum Company

So... Is it possible that Satan really does own an oil company?







TBG

Nightmare Generator

The decor in this hotel room has an arrangement of floral photos that are colorful and interesting...



















But at 3:30 AM the pictures become a angry visage, glaring at me as I blearily look around the room trying to find out 1) where I am, and 2) why I'm up at 3:30.
(The answer to #2, is because I can sense I'm being stared at, obviously.)
The housekeeping staff is going to wonder why these pictures are going to be found in the minibar tomorrow morning when they come in to clean the room.

TBG

Sunday, February 26, 2012

The Past Week - TL;DR

 Well... I know it's been a quiet week here at the old 'blog.

I've been busy...sorry.

On Monday I had to do a little equipment install down in Tampa, so I took advantage of the weather and rode my bike down...

On the way down I had the pleasure of driving through this little slice of heaven...


Both Waldo and Lawtey FL are speed trap city, as anyone going from Jacksonville to Gainesville for a Florida Football game will tell you...
Having traveled this road a couple hundred times in the last 30 years I know not to tempt fate...

I did my thing in the St. Pete Times Forum and then got a bite-
The Woman and the Perfect Child suggested a place that was featured on Diners, Drive Ins & Dives- Danny's All American...
I had their Mojo Cuban sandwich- marinated cuban pork- tasty!

I headed back north- staying off the interstates as much as possible...


I made my way through some nice canopy roads in central and north Florida...

On Tuesday I was back on the road, or more precisely, back at the airport...

I have been following the tales of The Mighty Skunk and his fortunes with the Trusted Traveler / NEXUS system...
I started my paperwork back in September and finally got tentative approval in November, only needing to have my in-person interview somewhere in or near Canada to get my NEXUS card...
When I was in Detroit a couple weeks ago I was able to schedule some time for my interview and finally cleared the last hurdle...
It was touch and go for a bit... They want to know the details on all your youthful shenanigans... And I have had more than my share of hijinks when I was a young'un. And some when I was not such a young'un... And they have access to everything- even stuff that is expunged and had records sealed. Scary, really.
Customs Guy: "So, Mr. Young, tell me about this charge in 1985 - assaulting a law enforcement officer."
TBG: "W-w-w-what? That charge was dropped!"
CG: "Not from OUR records."

Note to would-be applicants for the Trusted Traveler/Global Entry Program-
No prevarication... They know everything.

So I got my NEXUS card in the mail and was looking forward to using it, to see if I would be able to clear the fast entry line at JAX...


(image from Homeland Security Theater)
Yeah- No.

It did get me into the preferred traveler line, but the TSO at the primary checkpoint declined it as a form of ID.
Not only did she decline it, I was treated with such rudeness that it bordered on abuse-
You'd have thought I was trying to use my Costco card for ID...
She chastised me soundly... I took it stoically- making note of her name and some of her choice phrases, planning on speaking to her supervisor.

Which I did...
And her supervisor was also ignorant of the DHS's rules, telling me that this card was not acceptable- that it wasn't even issued by our government...
(Because there is french terminology on it, I guess.)

Dumbassery on parade- I guess the TSA agents spend their time learning how to cup a guy's testicles correctly, rather than know their own  guidelines.


(Notice the change in terminology- no more Concealed Carry Permit)

She made quite a show of inspecting my card, then making a photocopy of it and writing several notes on it...
Good thing too, since I spent the next two hours on the TSA website filing a carefully worded complaint about the attitude and knowledge level of the TSA screeners. I wonder how long it will take for my complaint to filter down, if it ever does.

Hopefully my next TSA experience will be more pleasant...but I doubt it.

The next few days were a whirlwind-
I flew into Philly Tuesday AM- went to Wells Fargo Arena, drove through Manhattan up to Long Island, loaded my SUV with equipment Wednesday morning,
drove back to Manhattan, picked up JR, drove to Newark and visited the Prudential Arena.

It's a new facility, and the guys that work there have a sense of humor-



A little juvenile, but a sense of humor none the less.

We went on from there- we headed down to DC to install equipment in the Verizon Center... I haven't worked in that arena since December of 1997.
Thursday and Friday we did the install, and I headed to the next location-
Pittsburgh.

Just outside of DC the temp went from 50 to the low 20s very quickly.



Then the snow started...



Fortunately the SUV has all-wheel drive...
I got into Pittsburgh with a minimum of problems.
We start installing our gear here tomorrow. 6:00 departure time from the hotel.
Yay.
The old Mellon arena is across the street from the hotel...
What's left of it, anyway...


Not pretty.
Spent a good amount of time in there...
It was a pretty unique arena.

Ah well...
Onward - through the fog.


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Petulant Pup

Evil Pup is evil.



TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Error Messages for Real Life

I wish Life really was this helpful...





















TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Giving New Meaning to the Term "Riding Bitch"

"Just because you don't have a car doesn't mean you can't take me to the Dog Park, Big Guy.."

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Sunday Morning Recoil Therapy



Bang bang bang.



Wednesday, February 08, 2012

I Guess It Happens More Often Than We Expect...

On my way downstairs in the elevator at 6:15 this AM, the car stopped on the 5th floor.
A woman got in and jabbed the Lobby button.
"Don't. Ask." She said in a commanding tone.
She was barefoot, wearing only white panties and a t-shirt...
She stood there looking at her feet, muttering to herself.
Not relishing the thought of an angry snap-kick in the cojones, I kept my questions and quips to myself, thankewberrymuch.
She purposefully strode to the front desk and as I walked by I could hear the quite obvious explanation...
"I've locked myself out of my goddam room..." she told the girl at the desk, who listened without a snicker or smirk.
Wow...
TBG, off to the arena... What city is this?

Sunday, February 05, 2012

Subtle Shift

...or maybe it's not so subtle.
I was perusing the magazine (not clip) rack at Logan this AM to conclude a not-very-scientific study on behavior modification.
To wit:
In the airport in Jax, Raleigh-Durham, Columbus, and in fair Beantowne, you can't find a firearm-oriented magazine (not clip) on any newsstand. No Field & Stream, no Guns & Ammo, nothing with potential to make the sheep uncomfortable...
(You can get all manner of porn, of course- Playboy, Penthouse, Hustler, People, Food & Wine... But all that is politically correct.)
Is it by the TSA's urging? After all, I'm sure the "if you see something, say something" busybodies have a field day when they see someone like me reading a periodical on full-auto revolvers, survivalist/miltia fashion options, and color-coordinating your reloading bench.
I guess you can't have a gun, anything that looks like a gun, or even have a picture of a gun at an airport these days.
I did find some firearm-related items- a gaming fanzine with a first person shooter character on the cover (dual wielding a pair of Desert Eagles, forsooth) and several "opinion" rags with ominous articles - "Handgun in the House? WTF is wrong with you?" kinda stuff.




















Of course, a sampling of article teases on the covers of the remaining mags (not clips) are just an exercise in puzzlement...
"Look better naked"
"Sexy abs and butt"
"Sex-Shopping-Beauty-Gossip"
"Look fabulous for less"
"Sex Quiz"
...and these are from GQ, Mens Health, Esquire and Newsweek.
I'm embarassed to tell you the hilighted articles on the cover of Cosmo, Vogue, Vanity Fair & Glamour.
TBG, Gate 32, singing the JetBlue Blues.

Friday, February 03, 2012

Get Thee Behind Me, Satan...


I'm first in line here at Temptation Central...

I Knew It Would Happen Eventually

Who didn't see this one coming:
I spent the night in jail...
The Suffolk County Jail.



Legacy Computer Hardware



Boy, that's an old drive...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Thursday, February 02, 2012

I, For One, Welcome Our Flying Nanobot Overlords...

If you can watch this without hearing "Ride of the Valkyries" in your head, you have no imagination, (or never saw Apocalypse Now).


This ought to worry you more than any shoebomber or whatever boogeyman the TSA is hyping this week...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Ice Ice, Baby (with additional TWSS goodness)


Bonus TWSS:
JR: "...I should still be in bed."
TBG: "That's what she always says."


TBG - In the Gaaah-den.

Similar but Different

Wow-
The new Terminal 2 at RDU
Looks a lot like some of European and Asian airports....
(Especially PEK T3 and PVG)



Lots of flowing curves and aisle-style non-dedicated check-in counters...

TBG - 4:30 wake up call, please.

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

Comfort...

...not.

This is why I request the bulkhead/aisle...




Ow.
 
TBG - not the happiest camper this AM.


I Feel So Much Safer...


...with Barney Fife here on patrol.
I think he has the ersatz Segway because it makes him taller.
Even with him riding his scooter I'm still taller than he is...
I'm no behavioral psychologist (but I play one on teh Intarwebz) but from the personal interactions I have seen from this guy, he has a tiny penis and/or a huge Napoleon complex.
He rides his scooter to gates where flights are boarding and positions himself to observe, or more precisely, BE observed in his role as Protector of the Homeland.

The most distressing interaction was him dressing down an older woman whose bag was a little too far (in his opinion) into the open space as she waited to board her flight and was in the way as he maneuvered his electronic stallion.
I didn't catch the whole exchange, but I did hear the terms "unsafe conditions", "fire escape hazard", and I think "improper control" of her baggage.

Doesn't this jerkwad know that it's the TSA's job to inconvenience and humiliate the traveling public, not the Airport Police?

FTMF. Hard. Twice.





TBG, trying to find a monkey wrench for this asshat.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Purchased For Shock Value

I was checking out at WalMart the other day and made a last second change-up to my purchases because I was over-analyzing my items and worried that the cashier would be judging me...
Because I care what a 19-year-old thinks about me buying dish soap, drill bits and aspirin.

On the ride home I was noodling more horrific purchase combinations...
You know, stuff that would have the cashier calling the cops once the shock wore off.

There is always popular urban legend:

Condoms, KY jelly, and 1 whole pineapple.

But how about...
100 rounds of .223, 20 cans of cat food, and trash bags?

Bleach/floor cleaner, kitchen knife, cardboard boxes?

Hand lotion, tissues, Hannah Montana DVD?

Ex-lax, disposable camera, 4-pack of D-Cell batteries...


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Friday, January 27, 2012

Major Disappointment

So... I got the keys to my new Porsche... (see previous post).
Such a disappointment.
Mine was red as the nail polish on a $5 hooker.
Red just isn't my color.
I was hoping for the 2012 model in Dead Black...

:-/

TBG

Rumor Control

Got an email the other day from The Big Bossman...

To paraphrase:
Just getting back to town after some long travels and I've got a big announcement.
Friday at 12:30 we're throwing a shindig and I'll make the announcement.

So there is a BBQ at the office today...
And 'something big' I guess.
And for some reason quite a few people (based on the emails and text messages I've received) think I have some inside track.

Sorry, y'all.
Just because I have pictures of Jingles in some "compromising situations" and there are rumors that I have installed surveillance devices in strategic locations...this hardly means that I am privy to The Big Announcement.
What I find interesting, however, is some of the ideas people have shared with me regarding The Announcement.

Some of the interesting ideas:
1. The company is being sold/taken over/bought out by a competitor.
(Most popular rumor)

2. The Company has been chosen as a campaign stop on the President's re-election effort- due to the overwhelming Left-leaning of upper management.

3. Things are going so well, the marketing department is going to forgo commissions for Q4 of 2011 to provide a 1-year leases on new Porsche's for all employees.

4. The Company has been awarded a new contract to provide scoring for the Western Australia Cockroach Racing League. The WACRL will be expanding to 5 events this year, with a potential TV contract with Cable Channel 2378.6 in Perth, Australia.

5. The lawsuit against a certain 2nd Floor Senior Manager by a drag queen in Georgia has finally been settled.

6. The Company is moving out of our luxurious building and location to a barn/warehouse facility in an abandon sugarcane field in Hendry County, to economize on overhead costs and provide better hog hunting opportunities for the propellerheads and hunting segment of our staff.

8. Hooters of America is opening a micro-cafe in our warehouse. Hopefully this will cut down on post-lunchtime absenteeism in the HelpDesk, E-Media, and everyone who reports to Jingles.

9. New travel guidelines are being finalized... everyone will be traveling to all events (including international locations) via high-speed rail, in order to support President Obama's HSR Initiatives. If HSR is not available between Jax and the event location, employees will travel via Greyhound bus. (Director level and above will travel via Amtrak for all trips)

10. The Company is discontinuing all use of Microsoft and PC based hardware. We're all Apple - all the time baby. Viva the 99%!

So... there ya are. Rumor Control at its finest.

One suggestion though for all the folks that will be attending-
I wouldn't drink or eat of the chow until AFTER the announcement...
Just saying.

TBG, still on the road.