Words to Live By

A short but heart-felt post from my friend Karen, ex of Alaska, ex of DRTO, now in NC, who remembers her Mom and leaves us with these words of wisdom:

Be happy for the good days.
Listen with your heart.
Keep your sense of humor.
Always treat people with respect.
Always be there for those you love.

Excellent advice for everyone to heed.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Musical Interlude

Pretty cool, I think.

Proxi - Not so filling

Panic on Concourse C - Fast Moving Ogre

I found the perfect gift for a certain lumbering ogre what likes to move rapidly through airports when he has been drinking in the airport lounge too long has a short layover on connecting cities...

Behold, the Micro Samsonite

Omigod I can just see The Big Guy kicking this carry-on bag/scooter combo down the concourse in Newark heading for Gate C120.

I can also see the Port Authority Police and the TSA working him over with tazers once they catch him.

As a matter of fact, I'd pay good cashy money to see it.

Proxi - Fill-no-more

I'm baaaack!

I know, it's too good to be true...

I never thought I'd be happy to see Newark airport, but I am today.

Soooo...
What'd I miss?

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

What If It Had Been in Colorado?

                      If the Chilean mine had been in Colorado

- Satire -

Watching with moist eye the rescue of the thirty-three miners from the collapsed San Jose mine in Copiopo, Chile I found myself inspired by the sense of purpose and pride displayed by the actors in this all too real life drama.  The unbending commitment of each and every Chilean and foreign national involved in rescue operation was genuinely heartwarming.  I saw in the president and people of Chile the highest of human instincts, a willingness to come together and help their fellow countrymen in a time of acute need.

It is an instinct that is shared by the citizens of the United States, an innate quality imbedded in the DNA of every American.  Or is it?  What if Copiopo was located on the western slope of Colorado?  Would the story have played out in the same manner?  Would the spirit of the American citizen have been dampened by the wet blankets of bureaucracy and political correctness?

Here-to-with, a hypothetical chronology.

News Bulletin (Developing):  A collapse occurred this morning in the San Jose copper mine is western Colorado.  The cause of the collapse and the status of thirty-tree miners working 2,300' below the surface are unknown.

Two Hours Later:   The White House issues a statement acknowledging the incident.  President Obama expresses his concern and notes that the miners and their families are in his thoughts and prayers.  He directs all federal agencies to provide immediate assistance.

Day 1:  Press Secretary Robert Gibbs meets with the White House press corps.  When queried about the possible cause of the collapse he indicates that it is likely the result of the lax enforcement of mine safety rules by the previous administration. 

Day 2:  There has been no communication with the trapped miners.  The Director of the Mine Safety and Health Administration holds a press conference in Copiopo, Colorado.  He suggests that while hope for the rescue of the miners is slim, his agency will continue to study all available options.  He announces a criminal investigation that will leave no stone unturned regarding potential safety violations at the San Jose mine.

Day 5:  The operators of the San Jose Mine begin drilling a small diameter hole to a location where the miners may have sought refuge.  Other mining companies deliver equipment and personnel to assist in the operation.

Day 12:  Former DNC Chairman Howard Dean is a guest on Meet the Press and suggests that the Bush Administration and the Republican Party have conspired to circumvent, dilute, and repeal every worker safety law ever enacted, the recent growth in the scope and influence of OSHA not-with-standing.

Day 17:  The news that everyone had hoped for, but that few actually believed, is broadcast to the world.  A hole has been drilled to a void more than two thousand feet below the surface.  The trapped miners have been found and they are alive!

Day 18:  A team of mine experts develops a plan to drill a larger diameter hole, one big enough to implement a rescue operation.

Day 19:  EPA Director Carol Browner reports that the construction of a road to the proposed bore location will require an Environmental Impact Statement.  She promises an expedited review, one that perhaps could be completed within 60 to 90 days.

Day 21:  Germany offers to provide the most advanced high-speed drilling equipment to expedite the rescue process.  The White House consults with labor union officials and then declines the offer.  There are no union members trained to operate the equipment and its operation round-the-clock would be in violation of the union's collective bargaining agreement.

Day 31:  President Obama is asked at a back-yard press-conference if the federal government is doing all that it can to assist in the rescue of the miners.  The President responds with an expression that conveys irritation that his near-omnipotence has been questioned.  He replies that he cannot suck the miners out of the ground with a straw.

Day 38:  Secretary of the Interior announces a moratorium on all underground mining in the County. 

Day 39:  The governors of West Virginia, Kentucky, Pennsylvania, and Nevada send a letter to President Obama, Secretary Salazar, Majority Leader Harry Reid, and Speaker Nancy Pelosi requesting that the moratorium be lifted.  The letter notes that tens of thousands of miners have been put out of work.  Speaker Pelosi responds that the best way to get the miners back to work is to give them food stamps.

Day 44:  At a congressional hearing on the issue, Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords questions the Director of the Mine Safety and Health Administration about the rescue operation.  She asks if the agency is utilizing green technologies, such as solar powered lights, to illuminate the rescue site during the evening hours.

Day 47:  Senator Harry Reid appears on Good Morning America.  He asserts that the mine collapse is the result of risky and unproven mining practices that should never have authorized by the Bush Administration.  In a subsequent portion of the interview, he suggests that it is imperative that the entire American health care system be overhauled with the imposition of an untested amalgam of new boards, bureaucracies, IRS agents, and mandates.

Day 51:  At the urging of President Obama, the House passes bill that establishes the Mine Safety Regulatory Agency (MRSA).  The bill authorizes the expenditure of $10 billion on mine safety issues.  The actual expenditure on mine safety consists of a $50,000 grant to researchers at UCLA to study the effects of sunlight deprivation on the libido of South African diamond miners.  The balance is for grants that allow individual states to defer dealing with unfunded public employee retirement benefit obligations.

Day 52:  A Yemeni national attending school in Fort Collins is arrested along I-70, a mile away from the press village at the mine site.  A flat tire has stranded him alongside the highway and the tow-truck driver reports suspicious materials in the rented vehicle.  Authorities find plastic explosives, detonating devices, and evidence of recent communication with Al Qaeda members in Pakistan.

Day 54:  Secretary Janet Napolitano deflects questions regarding whether the Department of Homeland Security considered the possibility that Al Qaeda might use a live broadcast being beamed to a billion people worldwide as an opportunity to make a statement.  She suggests that the suspect was probably a "one-off" devotee of the Uni-bomber.  New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg weighs in suggesting the suspect was probably concerned that his Uncle Ali would have to post trans-fat content information on the menu board at his falafel stand in south Buffalo.

Day 60:  The large diameter bore hole is completed.  Preparation begins for the rescue operation.

Day 69:  The world watches as the first miner is lifted to the surface.  Vice President Biden is on hand.  As the first miner exits the rescue capsule, the Vice President welcomes him back to "Wyoming" and implores him to take off his sunglasses so that the world can see his smiling face.  Unfortunately, President Obama is not able to attend.  He needs to complete his round of golf early so he can see Michelle and friends off on their three-week trip to Spain.

And that's the way it is, but it does not have to be.  Viva Chile! Viva President Pinera!  Viva the American spirit of can-do!  Let the reformation begin on November 2.

(From American Thinker - DK McGann)

Proxi - Filling TBG's big stinky shoes.

The Eighth Horseman

Behold the Eighth Horseman: Sunburn

Proxi - Filling in, filling up

training class - reasonable force

hi kids- just popping in to laugh at luc's misfortune...
(failure or misfortune is the basis of all comedy, amirite?)

so...meanwhile, an object lesson:

don't struggle. you'll only die tired.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Halloween Horror

I think I've found the basis for my halloween costume this year.

Getting a single frost blue contact lens will be be a challenge, but I think this could be truly disturbing...

Proxi - Just doing my part for the blogosphere

TBG Sighting

Anyone recognize the license plate on that taxi?

Proxi - Still Filling In

Now That We've Dealt With The Canadian Perv

Let's get back to Teh Funny, shall we?

The cock, don't touch it.

Proxi - Filling. Just Filling

Some Cleavage for Luc in Montreal

Luc in Montreal commented awhile back that he appreciated the fact that I'd posted some gratuitous cleavage...

Well, I just love making guys happy.

Enjoy.

Proxi- Just filling.

Heroic Justice -or-

As Mick and the Boys said:

You can't always get what you want.

HOWEVER:

You may not need what you get.

Unclear on the concept: "An eye for an eye."

Proxi - Bearly here.

are y'all playing nice?

greetings constant readers

i've chewed through my chains and took an escape pod to the surface- get a little fresh air, release a few carrier pigeons, check the headlines...

i see proxi has done a little posting...
y'all aren't abusing her, are you?
it really isn't a good idea.
last time i saw her she looked a little something like this:


anyway- 3 tips for you to get you through the next few days...
1. keep your nose clean
2. mind your own business
3. keep your hands to yourself

that ought to do it...

gotta head back before the sentinel finishes the reboot cycle.

see y'all in a week or so.

tbg

Ursine Piracy?

I found a few for TBG.

Not over bit torrent for sure.

But I might get one at the black market off Canal Street. But it would probably turn out to be a counterfeit bear. Perhaps a donkey in a bear suit.

Proxi - filling in, Just

Beware!

Signs of the Apocalypse

The Domestic Pet Cabal.
Better watch your ass.

Proxi- Just a filling in a dark cavity of the Intarwebz.

There a Special Location for This?

What the devil do they sell in the gift shop here?

Proxi - Just filling the void

Seen in the Lobby

At the Obama School for Government Advancement

Even when you spell everything out for them, they can still fuck it up.

The current Administration needs a enema.

Proxi- Just filling the void

Where's the Pepto?

Oh Honey-
I told you not to swallow when you gave head to that clown.

Proxi -JFI

Mike's Pissed

Boy, for a guy who was at church when his bike was ripped off, Mike is one vengeful d00d.,

Proxi - Just filling in

We Have To Quit Having The Sardine and Limburger Pizza at 11:30 Every Night

My SO keeps having this reoccurring dream.

He thinks its the fish and cheese combo on the pizza.
He doesn't know about the mushrooms.
Hehehe.

Proxi - Just filling in

Hang On-

"I'll brie right with you..."

Yum! Brie!

Proxi - Just filling in

I Suppose You Already Knew This...

Did you know how Bill and Hillary Clinton met?

They both dated the same girls in college!



(I Should be careful about making fun of her, since she's probably going to be the next president)


Proxi - Just filling in...

Two Cups of Chilled Milk

Hi Guys

Knowing TBG's propensity for the mammary-enabled, I'm pretty sure his TiVo is full up with often watched episodes of Nigella Lawson and Giada DeLaurentiis.


And I'm pretty sure this sentiment is echoed at TBG's Humble Abode.

Proxi - Just filling in

Welcome to Cliché-ville

"So I'm gonna book ya, then take possession of all the CONTRABAND in your truck for evidence."

Proxi - Just filling in

Customer Service to the Nth Power

Yes, I can "do it".
No, you can't help.

And who is the poor bastard who is assigned to the Bathroom Helper position?
A pretty shitty job, if you ask me.

Proxi - Just filling in

I Thot the Beer Commercial Was a Joke

What in the hell is wrong with you guys?
TrampStamps are for chix, not d00ds...

KNOCK THAT SHIT OFF!





















Proxi Sabot - Just filling in.

Purchasing vs. Leasing

Here's a little something to get things going.
TBG left me this to kick-start my posts.
He siad to be sure I gave a hattip to KK for the contribution, so, thanks, KK, whereever you are.

Something to think about:
Purchasing vs Leasing

The math on the Paul McCartney-Heather Mills divorce is as follows:
After 5 years of marriage, he paid her $49 million.

Assuming he had sex every night during their 5 year relationship it ended up costing him $26,849 per time.

This is Heather.

Scary, huh.

Leasing on the other hand,

New York Governor Elliot Spitzer's hooker, Kristen, an absolute stunner charges $4,000 per night.

This is Kristen .


Had Paul McCartney "employed" Kristen for 5 years, he would have paid $7.3 million in total, for sex every night for 5 years.
(Economics Majors take note- a $41.7 million savings).

Value-added benefits are:
* a 22 year old
* no coaxing
* never a headache
* happily agrees to all requests
* no complaining
* no honey-do lists
* has two legs

Best of all, she leaves and comes back when asked.

All at 1/7th the cost and no legal fees.

Sometimes leasing just makes more sense.
Hope you appreciate this free advice.


Proxi Sabot - Just filling in.

Hi.

Hello Constant Readers...

I'm Proxi. Glad to meetcha.

Since I'm sure you have a few questions, here are the answers:

Yes.

No.

Almost 50.


This is a close enough approximation. Length and color are variable and subject to change.

Yes. And tho I have a sense of humor about it, I don't like to talk about it.
(Do we understand each other? Good. I'd hate to have to come down or over there and pummel you to into submission.)

Stay tuned, Constant Readers...
Während der kapitän ist nicht zu hause, schlafen die tiere auf dem bett.

Proxi - Just filling in

Off the Grid

Greetings Constant Readers...
I'm going off the grid for a bit, sporadic Interw3b access, phone, etc.

I've hired a temp to fill in for me for the interim...

Her name is Proxi Sabot...
She's going to fling a few items up on the ol' site now and then until I return to the land of Full Web Access.
I have to warn you, she's not politically correct, and she doesn't have my legendary ability to suppress the urge to rant about assholes and idiots. And she is even more profane than I am...
One of her hobbies is what most folks would consider "deviant art" and what some would consider soft/odd pron. (Yes, it's misspelled for a reason. Don't send me a spelling flame.) She asked if there were any restrictions to what she posted like "obscenity" or "taste"...
I replied that there han't been any so far, why would I start now?...


If WORDS or the occasional off-color illustration offends you, best take Listen 2 Uncle Jay off your reading list for a couple weeks.

Where am I going?
Glad you asked...
I'm off to visit the Democratic People's Republic of Mind Your Own Damn Business.

Y'all be nice to Proxi.
Word has it that she's not one to suffer fools gladly, and it's costing me a pretty penny to have her share what she calls "useful stuff" with y'all.
She's also a crack shot with a Beretta A391. Don't piss her off.

See y'all soon.


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

The Naming of Drinks is a Difficult Matter

...It isn't just one of your holiday games...

I was over reading Naughty Drinks over at Slashfood and remembered an incident from about 10 or 12 years ago that I thought I'd share with y'all...

We had just finished up working at a local event and retired to the post-event party at a local sports bar.
My co-conspirator (who shall rename maneless for the moment) was relatively newly divorced...Within the last year or so.
There was a small gaggle of what we would call Cougars today gathered at the bar, drinking girly drinks and acting silly. Ripe pickings for someone who might need a little "relief", if you know what I mean (nudge nudge, wink wink).

One of Co-Conspirator's biggest obstacle to Closing The Deal is the fact that he doesn't know when to Shut Up...
(Seriously, he will go on and on and on and on about anything and everything. Forever. Without stopping. Ever. Really.)
Knowing his propensity for this, I suggested that I'd get the ball rolling for him and if he played his cards right and would SHUTthefuckUP, he might be well be getting a little roll in the hay that evening.

Your Truly: "Listen: don't talk about your job, what you do, who you know or where you go for fun... Ask them, then SHUT UP. Get them talking about themselves and what they do and who they know."
Co-Conspirator: "Ok. I think I've got you. Make them talk to me, not me talk to them."
YT: "Right. There's 4 of them; one one of them ought to have low enough standards that you might actually get lucky IF YOU SHUT UP."

So... I ordered a round of drinks for the Cougars, a group of volunteers that worked for BellSouth and volunteered at local events in order to get out of the house and have a little fun occasionally.

After introductions I moved off to talk to some other folks that I knew and cast an eye over toward Co-Conspirator and his victims occasionally, just to check on things...
Well.
A little time went by and I hadn't checked on them in a bit so I wandered over that direction and saw that disaster had struck...
One of the ladies had bailed, and the other three were politely listening but looking for any opportunity to leave.
One caught my eye and sent me a "Please put me out of my misery" look...

I motioned to the bartender and placed an order, then went to the rescue...

Co-Conspirator was expounding on something inane and pointless- how to strip Cat-5 cables or TCP/IP security layers or something equally uninteresting to Cougars...
"Ladies!" I boomed, stepping in and cutting off Co-Conspirator mid-sentence.
"I see gangrene has set in..." getting a much-needed laugh out of them.
I fixed Co-Conspirator with a raised eyebrow- an implied warning to him not to say a word, and continued to address the ladies.
"I know it's killing you not to hear the rest of the fascinating details that Co-Conspirator was just sharing with you, but it seems like it's time for fresh drinks for everyone..."
The bartender was bringing the drinks over about then and I gave them to the appropriate recipients.
"For Laura, a Sex-on-the-Beach." I said, giving her the red-tinted glass.
"For the lovely and talented Linda, one Screaming Orgasm. Enjoy." and gave Linda the appropriate glass of liquor.
"And for Nancy, a Slow....Comfortable....Screw." drawing out the name and giving her the sloe gin/Southern Comfort/OJ cocktail...
"and for my co-conspirator- I was going to order him a Slippery Nipple, but I don't think he'd enjoy that as much as he would, say, Blow-Job-in-the-Parking-Lot. Instead, he'll be having a 'Going-Home-Alone-and-Masturbating' later... The bartender can't find all the ingredients right now." I finished. Co-Conspirator looked like I had hit him in the face with a mackerel.
I raised my glass-
"Cheers, Ladies! Bottoms up, so to speak."
As Mark Twain would say, 'At this point we shall draw the curtain of charity on the scene, to avoid further embarrassment.'

Good times, good times...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE