Friday, May 31, 2013

Occupation: Driving Instructor

The next time I am filling out a form that asks me what me occupation is, I'm going to put Driving Instructor.

On my drive home last night I realized how many times I was yelling instructions at people in cars in front of me...

"Hey! Moron! The light is green!"

"That stick on your steering column is NOT just a spot to hang your purse...

"Hang up the f'ing phone and drive, Dipstick!"

"I'll bet if you stop texting, you 'd be able to keep your farking car in your own farking lane!"

"Honey, you're looking for that pedal on your right... If you step on it just a liiiittle harder, you car might actually make it to second gear..."

"I can guarantee that you will not have enough time during the red light cycle to check your messages or do a Facebook update before it turns green, so don't even try."

"If you throw that cigarette butt out the window, I swear to Ghod I'm going to follow you home and shit on your front lawn, you f'ing slob."

(Desperately trying to avoid this scenario.)

Man, these morons are wearing me out.



Old NFO said...

I was gonna say where did you hide the camera in MY car???

Home on the Range said...

I about got whacked by a car with a "WWJD" bumper sticker.

I am afraid I yelled out "Jesus would use his (#&$!( turn signal!"

The Big Guy said...

@ONFO- Yeah- Great minds think alike. And all the same things piss Great Minds off.

LOVED this... So apropos.

Jennifer said...

Brigid, I'm going to have to use that one.

Anonymous said...

I saw a bumper sticker I wanted so bad the other day "Jesus would be slapping the s--t out of you!"

Joanna said...

Got stuck this morning at a light where I normally make a right on red, but there was a guy in front of me.

Who waited until the light turned green, and then turned right.

*solidarity fistbump*