Wednesday, June 29, 2011

What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Jeebus, where to begin with this one?

From The Beijinger

1. Well, if you didn't wear a banana hammock you wouldn't need a stuffed codpiece to combat shrinkage, would ya?

2. From the photos, it seems like there's not a lot of buttressing or stabilization gear. One thinks that any strenuous activity (swimming, diving, walking) might cause a shift in the equipment or packaging, making the overall appearance very strange. And perhaps humorous.

3. Well, yeah, women have used Wonderbras and cunningly padded büstenhalter in order bumfuzzle and hoodwink guys into believing they (the women) possessed charms of prodigious size and cunning proportion & alignment...

But, after a quick, very unscientific survey the consensus was "What the hell is wrong with men? Why would they do this?"
(I checked with TWWKMTS and she had nothing but a snort of derision for such a canard. But then, I spoil that woman, so such a reaction might be expected.)

4. Truth in advertising...
Just like what sometimes happens upon the removal of a Wonderbra, there will be a certain amount of angst- not unlike the famous Kübler-Ross Seven Stages of Grief:

Shock - Her: "What the...? Are you KIDDING me?"
Denial - Her: "I cannot believe that I was taken in by such a blatant deception!"
Pain & Guilt - Him: "Ow!! Jeebus, I guess the padding wasn't enough protection for a kick in the nuts."
Anger & Bargaining - Her:"If you don't get out of here right now, I'm going to kick you in your ornamental ballsack again!"
Depression & Reflection - Her:"Men suck." Him: "Damn. That hurt."
Reconstruction and Working Through - Him: "Hello, Customer Service? I need a new CrotchPad... Could I get a thicker one this time?"
Acceptance & Hope - Him: "Maybe my new codpiece will get here before the weekend."

It's interesting that Teh Women have no issue with the concept or execution of breast augmentation (within reason), but the Enzyte commercials and products of that ilk are evidence of Male Dementia. It's OK to want bigger boobs, but when a guy wants a more impressive piece of equipment, he's a sicko.

Remember the 3 biggest lies:
1. The check is in the mail.
2. I'm from the government and I'm here to help you.
3. Size doesn't matter.


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