Well...
Let's see what has been going on in Old Peking...
A timeline is in order here.
Mom arrived last Saturday... I arranged transportation from PEK to the hotel...
I still had 2 days of tournament play to deal with, plus breakdown and shipping of my equipment, and packing and checking out of LongTou and checking in over at the other hotel...
So... Saturday... For me it was business as usual at the event, and Mom getting settled at the hotel and recovering from the flight.
On Sunday it was finals day...
Play started at 4:00pm, so I went over to Mom's hotel and we went to Panjiayuan, the Dirt Market to look at the goodies... We had a great time looking at all the doodads and crap on sale- then headed back to the hotel about 1:00pm.
I headed for the event, and got there about 1:30...
I did alot of pre-planning and packing, dressing cables to make breakdown easier, etc.
I won't bore you with the trials and tribulations of the event... Let's just say it was somewhat of a disappointment for fans and event organizers alike.
(You, you clever Internet traveler, can search out the details of this event if you choose to type in the appropriate search string on a search engine... Altavisa, Metacrawler, you know. One of those things. If that is too much of a burden for you, drop me a line and I'll send you a link. No doubt you'll need me to come over and move your mouse around and click on the link too...tsk.)
I finally departed the Beijing Tennis Center about 12:00 - midnight, that is...
The Courtside Kids were just getting out of the volunteers party...they gave me a rousing send-off as I hailed a taxi, they were just too cool.
I moved in over at the Days Hotel and Suites... Sightseeing is now the priority.
In the lobby of the restaurant at the hotel there are tanks of sealife- shrimp, lobsters, fish, sea scallops, and uh.. turtles... And a tank of seals, 3 spotted seals... They are very cute. But since they are among the tanks and containers that are used to store the fish & critters that are served in the restaurant, I'm afraid we'll come in and find one of them missing and a big wedding feast going on...and discover they weren't just ornamentation.
They are very funny- every time the fish guy goes to a tank to get a fish to take to the kitchen, they line up at the side of the tank looking for a handout.
So- We've hit the Silk Market- always a winner. Picked up some goodies for friends and neighbors. A nice lunch at a restaurant down an alley across from the Silk Market... We were able to order from a picture menu and had a great meal of soup dumplings and wonton soup.
We took it easy the rest of the afternoon after a horiffic cab ride back to Huawei...
Dinner was another story...
I have been trying to get a real Peking Duck dinner while I was here, and we finally got there on Monday night.
We went to Qianmen Quanjude Roast Duck Restaurant. One of the premier roast duck restaurants in Beijing.
Qianmen (Front Gate) is the main drag that runs due south from Tian'anmen Square... It's 300 or 400m south of Qianmen Gate on the east side of the street.
We didn't have a reservation and the 20 or so people milling about the lobby of the restaurant didn't deter us- We took a number and waited. It was a relatively short wait- only about 5 minutes or so, then we were seated... I'm not sure if it was because it was natural turnover, or if it was because I was drooling and scratching at the glass window into the kitchen in the lobby. I prefer to think it was because they were afraid I would stage a frontal assault on the kitchen.
Anyway-
Peking Duck- If you don't know what is so special- let me give you the details:
First- the duck takes about 24 hours to prepare...
Marinated, specially roasted to keep the succulent juices inside, and the skin is red/brown and crispy.
The Chef carves the duck at your table and it is served up with a tableful of delicacies including pickled cucumbers, asparagus and mushrooms in oyster sauce, a sesame-encrusted duck goodie with shrimp wafers, and black tea.
The duck is sliced so it had a bit of the skin and some meat on each piece.
Next-
To enjoy- You take a little "pancake" - kind of like a small thin tortilla, dip a small piece of the meat/skin in the hoisin sauce, put in a couple slivers of shredded green onions, then wrap it all up like a little open-ended burrito.
Sink your teeth in and enjoy.
Oh. My. God.
A few years back the Perfect Child and I went to Hong Kong and had Peking Duck there... It was good- but this was amazing.
Let us just say that you have to try it to understand how good it is...
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Mooncake, Bathrooms & Bodily Functions, Oh My...
Let’s see. What shall we talk about today?
A couple items:
Mooncake
Seems like Mid August to Mid September is Mooncake season.
Actually they are part of the Mid-Autumn Festival, but as I have been finding, when one “festival” ends, the next one begins. Gives folks here something to look forward to.
But- you gotta have a mooncake- especially on September 18th.
The mooncake is a traditional good luck/prosperity thing, of which there are many here in China. Mooncakes are good luck. A cricket in your soup is good luck. If you get shit upon by a sparrow it is good luck. Conversely, a lizard in your tea is bad luck, as is finding a turnip seed in your condom.
In short, damn near anything is good luck or bad luck. Take your chances.
But back to mooncakes.
Mooncakes are pretty loathsome critters.
They are a cake (duh) made of some questionable substances. There is no official list of mooncake ingredients. You could make them out of broken glass and fish hooks if you really wanted to. But- by and large they are made of bean curd flour with a filling that varies from one end of the spectrum to the other. You can get them with a sweet filling, (usually egg yolk and lotus seed cream), a savory filling (minced beef or other meat), a spicy filling (donkey meat with chili paste), or damn near anything you might find under the kitchen sink.
So- take a glob of what-have-you, wrap it in tofu-dough, bake it, carve an intricate design in the top and plop it in a box and give it to a friend or relative and laugh as they try to excuse themselves from digging right in.
The only exception is if you are the recipient of the Haagen Daas mooncake.
Nosh right into that bad boy, don’t pass go, and don’t collect 200RMB. Throw in a tree and a fat guy and it’s Christmas in a pretty box, man.
(Mooncakes are, in my estimation, the Asian equivalent of fruitcake. Lots of people make them, everyone gives them during the holiday, but only a fraction of the population actually eats them. )
Really- the amazing thing about mooncakes is the packaging …
They are extravagantly and intricately wrapped- decorative boxes, delicate wrapping and cushioning, detailed artwork on the packaging. The boxes are easily more expensive than the mooncake, and definitely batter tasting.
So. September 18th marks the end of the Mid Autumn Festival. Next on the calendar, September 19th to October 21st: Festival of Bunion Scraping. Everyone goes to the nail salon for a pedophile during this holiday. Heh.
Bathroom Stench
I know I haven’t gone off on a scatological tirade lately, but I recently found out why the bathrooms stink so badly here in Beijing and I just have to share.
(Did I tell you they stink? Lord-a-mercy, they’d knock a buzzard of a deadwagon.)
It seems like although they have had “civilization” here for around 7,000 years, they haven’t mastered the U-Bend vapor trap for toilets and sinks- thus, when the sewer system air pressure is greater than the pressure in the building, arena, hovel or restaurant that you are occupying, the gentle wind blowing back up though the toilet (or the hole that is an excuse for a toilet) carries the stench of 3.2 billion crapping Asians.
That, my friends, is a boatload of olfactory offensiveness.
At this point, I will walk 500 yards out of my way to avoid walking by the public toilets here in the arena.
Use them? Have you lost your mind?
I had a catheter put in so I wouldn’t have to use the urinals here.
Bodily functions
The bathroom stench doesn’t bother the average Zhou Chinaman here. And there doesn’t seem to be any bathroom taboos here either. You can be standing in the bathroom, using the urinal and the cleaning women will walk right in and start mopping around your feet, polishing the porcelain, wiping the sinks, no big deal.
Body functions don’t have any special significance to these people. Spitting, nose blowing, farting- all these are perfectly acceptable in mixed company.
I am reminded of a guy standing next to my table during the Nadal-Coria match last week who blew a 50db, 3 second, 2 octave fart and never batted an eye. And you know how tennis matches are, 5000 people- perfectly quiet; I think everyone in the stadium heard it. It nearly scared me to death. I thought the guy was going to take off and start flying around the arena like a deflating balloon.
No, bodily functions are commonplace here.
The only really offensive thing here is picking your teeth without covering your mouth with your other hand.
(A side note- when you eat at a restaurant you will find a little container of toothpicks on the table. If you get fast food, you will get an individually wrapped toothpick with your meal. The Chinese find that the toothpick is a suitable substitute for, and much superior to, the toothbrush. This is also why you will find that Zhou Chinaman’s breath will melt glass at 20 paces.)
I think that’s enough for right now…
More pics and other good stuff next time.
TBG Out-
A couple items:
Mooncake
Seems like Mid August to Mid September is Mooncake season.
Actually they are part of the Mid-Autumn Festival, but as I have been finding, when one “festival” ends, the next one begins. Gives folks here something to look forward to.
But- you gotta have a mooncake- especially on September 18th.
The mooncake is a traditional good luck/prosperity thing, of which there are many here in China. Mooncakes are good luck. A cricket in your soup is good luck. If you get shit upon by a sparrow it is good luck. Conversely, a lizard in your tea is bad luck, as is finding a turnip seed in your condom.
In short, damn near anything is good luck or bad luck. Take your chances.
But back to mooncakes.
Mooncakes are pretty loathsome critters.
They are a cake (duh) made of some questionable substances. There is no official list of mooncake ingredients. You could make them out of broken glass and fish hooks if you really wanted to. But- by and large they are made of bean curd flour with a filling that varies from one end of the spectrum to the other. You can get them with a sweet filling, (usually egg yolk and lotus seed cream), a savory filling (minced beef or other meat), a spicy filling (donkey meat with chili paste), or damn near anything you might find under the kitchen sink.
So- take a glob of what-have-you, wrap it in tofu-dough, bake it, carve an intricate design in the top and plop it in a box and give it to a friend or relative and laugh as they try to excuse themselves from digging right in.
The only exception is if you are the recipient of the Haagen Daas mooncake.
Nosh right into that bad boy, don’t pass go, and don’t collect 200RMB. Throw in a tree and a fat guy and it’s Christmas in a pretty box, man.
(Mooncakes are, in my estimation, the Asian equivalent of fruitcake. Lots of people make them, everyone gives them during the holiday, but only a fraction of the population actually eats them. )
Really- the amazing thing about mooncakes is the packaging …
They are extravagantly and intricately wrapped- decorative boxes, delicate wrapping and cushioning, detailed artwork on the packaging. The boxes are easily more expensive than the mooncake, and definitely batter tasting.
So. September 18th marks the end of the Mid Autumn Festival. Next on the calendar, September 19th to October 21st: Festival of Bunion Scraping. Everyone goes to the nail salon for a pedophile during this holiday. Heh.
Bathroom Stench
I know I haven’t gone off on a scatological tirade lately, but I recently found out why the bathrooms stink so badly here in Beijing and I just have to share.
(Did I tell you they stink? Lord-a-mercy, they’d knock a buzzard of a deadwagon.)
It seems like although they have had “civilization” here for around 7,000 years, they haven’t mastered the U-Bend vapor trap for toilets and sinks- thus, when the sewer system air pressure is greater than the pressure in the building, arena, hovel or restaurant that you are occupying, the gentle wind blowing back up though the toilet (or the hole that is an excuse for a toilet) carries the stench of 3.2 billion crapping Asians.
That, my friends, is a boatload of olfactory offensiveness.
At this point, I will walk 500 yards out of my way to avoid walking by the public toilets here in the arena.
Use them? Have you lost your mind?
I had a catheter put in so I wouldn’t have to use the urinals here.
Bodily functions
The bathroom stench doesn’t bother the average Zhou Chinaman here. And there doesn’t seem to be any bathroom taboos here either. You can be standing in the bathroom, using the urinal and the cleaning women will walk right in and start mopping around your feet, polishing the porcelain, wiping the sinks, no big deal.
Body functions don’t have any special significance to these people. Spitting, nose blowing, farting- all these are perfectly acceptable in mixed company.
I am reminded of a guy standing next to my table during the Nadal-Coria match last week who blew a 50db, 3 second, 2 octave fart and never batted an eye. And you know how tennis matches are, 5000 people- perfectly quiet; I think everyone in the stadium heard it. It nearly scared me to death. I thought the guy was going to take off and start flying around the arena like a deflating balloon.
No, bodily functions are commonplace here.
The only really offensive thing here is picking your teeth without covering your mouth with your other hand.
(A side note- when you eat at a restaurant you will find a little container of toothpicks on the table. If you get fast food, you will get an individually wrapped toothpick with your meal. The Chinese find that the toothpick is a suitable substitute for, and much superior to, the toothbrush. This is also why you will find that Zhou Chinaman’s breath will melt glass at 20 paces.)
I think that’s enough for right now…
More pics and other good stuff next time.
TBG Out-
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Working for the weekend
It's midweek; we've already had one rain delay on Tuesday...
Other than that, things are smooth as a prom queen's thigh, but not quite so dangerous.
(I'm sure a comment like that will get me banned from this event, a la McCord at the Masters with his bikini-waxed greens comment.)
And now here we are on Thursday and we have another weather delay.
It has been raining all day- we actually had the players out on the court at 2:45, but it started coming down again, and they scurried inside.
Now we wait.
If they cancel play for the day, there is an opportunity for duck... More on that later.
So... We had heard there would be rain today.
In my infinite wisdom, I neglected to bring a raincoat, idiot that I am.
I slithered down to Xiu Shui this morning to do a little shopping. Xiu Shui is the Silk Street market- Purveyor of all Good Things.
4 floors of counterfeit goods... Lacoste, North Face, Oakley, Rolex, Breitling, TAG Heuer... Everything you need. And about 100 guys outside hawking first run DVDs at a buck a copy. I got a nice North Fake rain jacket for $12US... With a little luck it will last through the entire tournament.
There are a few things to chat about...
First...
I want one of these....
Coca Cola is using these little buggers to sell beverages, but they are getting more use at night by the dudes who are riding them to have impromptu grand prix races around the site. They haul ass- probably 35 mph, maybe higher. They are cool, and fun to ride...
Hmmm... Other items of interest-
If you see this stuff in the stores, stay the hell away!
This is some vile shit!
It tastes like drinking toothpaste...
Avoid like the plague.
Some nice Beijing ambiance...
Sunset over the site...
Can you say "smog" boys and girls? That's right...
In regards to Duck...
I'm searching for a Peking Duck restaurant...
They say there is a good one down near Chongmenwen, called Bianyifang, and another called Quanjude down in Qianmen...
I was hoping to go to one of these places before the Event started but it didn't happen. Now if they cancel play today, there is definitely duck in my future.
Film at eleven.
TBG Out-
Other than that, things are smooth as a prom queen's thigh, but not quite so dangerous.
(I'm sure a comment like that will get me banned from this event, a la McCord at the Masters with his bikini-waxed greens comment.)
And now here we are on Thursday and we have another weather delay.
It has been raining all day- we actually had the players out on the court at 2:45, but it started coming down again, and they scurried inside.
Now we wait.
If they cancel play for the day, there is an opportunity for duck... More on that later.
So... We had heard there would be rain today.
In my infinite wisdom, I neglected to bring a raincoat, idiot that I am.
I slithered down to Xiu Shui this morning to do a little shopping. Xiu Shui is the Silk Street market- Purveyor of all Good Things.
4 floors of counterfeit goods... Lacoste, North Face, Oakley, Rolex, Breitling, TAG Heuer... Everything you need. And about 100 guys outside hawking first run DVDs at a buck a copy. I got a nice North Fake rain jacket for $12US... With a little luck it will last through the entire tournament.
There are a few things to chat about...
First...
I want one of these....
Coca Cola is using these little buggers to sell beverages, but they are getting more use at night by the dudes who are riding them to have impromptu grand prix races around the site. They haul ass- probably 35 mph, maybe higher. They are cool, and fun to ride...
Hmmm... Other items of interest-
If you see this stuff in the stores, stay the hell away!
This is some vile shit!
It tastes like drinking toothpaste...
Avoid like the plague.
Some nice Beijing ambiance...
Sunset over the site...
Can you say "smog" boys and girls? That's right...
In regards to Duck...
I'm searching for a Peking Duck restaurant...
They say there is a good one down near Chongmenwen, called Bianyifang, and another called Quanjude down in Qianmen...
I was hoping to go to one of these places before the Event started but it didn't happen. Now if they cancel play today, there is definitely duck in my future.
Film at eleven.
TBG Out-
Webcam
Midnight EDT Thurs 15th
Webcam is up...
http://www.listen2unclejay.com/webcam/potd.jpg
At least until the connection is down again....
Long post later today- stay tuned.
TBG Out-
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Monday Morning...
Well... It's Sunday night here... Sunday morning for y'all.
(Lucky bastards.)
Play officially starts tomorrow. Whoo-hoo!
My stuff is good, considering the hoops I had to jump through to get things here. All in all, its a flippin' miracle we are where we are.
I'm really starting to worry about the Olympics. They (China, Ministry of Sports, etc) have a huge learning curve ahead of them.
I got a standing ovation this afternoon...
Wish it was for doing my job...
I got drafted to do player escorts. They have no real security here and the players are getting mobbed by autograph seekers. (Bad... Scary Bad.)
It is worse than anything I have ever seen, anywhere.
Insanity.
Anyway-
We (Nick, Gavin, Michael, etc) have to use every bit of our not-so-inconsiderate gwailo physique to bulldoze a path from the practice courts to the stadium. It was really bad this afternoon.
Somehow in the shuffle while we were escorting Rafael Nadal into the building, we were hit by the biggest crush yet. They (the fans) knocked down our barricades and rushed Nadal...
In the crush I had my foot stepped on and I lost my shoe.
(Did I stop to pick it up? Hell no.)
Once inside, I headed back out... to get my shoe.
Lots of laughiing, staring, pointing...
"Look at the big monkey with only one shoe!"
There were about five people standing around it as it lay there on the sidewalk.
I think they were just in awe of the size (and the smell, no doubt) of it.
I think one guy wanted to take it back to his hutong to live in it...
I got my size 14 canoe back and carried it back into the Stadium-
As I was carried it in with me, the laughing pointing and giggling became cheering and applause.
I was walking with the Tournament Director who seemed to get quite a big kick out of the whole scene. For me, it was embarrasing...
It told the TD that if this made the local paper it would cost him extra...
Hell... they have already promised me a Peking Duck dinner for doing the escorts the past 2 days... This is starting to be an interesting event.
Anyway... What else...
Man, it's hot here. Hot-hot-hot.
Africa hot.
Tarzan couldn't take this kind of heat.
As for adventures in dining... Still having ramen noodles for dinner most nights.
Tonight was interesting, though...
I got an invite to eat with the CCTV staff in their dining hall.
There was some very suspect dishes on the chow line. I had to take a pass on several rather doubious-looking meat dishes. And there were some vegetables that looked downright alien. Something out of a bad 60 SciFi movie...
I'll pass on that. Give me another one of the pork buns.
Except they weren't pork buns, they were more like kale and dill buns.
Imaging boiled kale and dill, wrapped up in a soft white dough bun.
Yuck.
I'll have to work on how to politely pass on the chow line at CCTV next time.
Things won't be getting much better when it comes to dinner time in the next 2 weeks. Matches on Center Court will probably go to 11:30 or 12 every night starting tomorrow.
Oh boy. What fun.
I'm sure there are some things I want to mention but are slipping my mind...
I'll post them when I remember them.
TBG out-
(Lucky bastards.)
Play officially starts tomorrow. Whoo-hoo!
My stuff is good, considering the hoops I had to jump through to get things here. All in all, its a flippin' miracle we are where we are.
I'm really starting to worry about the Olympics. They (China, Ministry of Sports, etc) have a huge learning curve ahead of them.
I got a standing ovation this afternoon...
Wish it was for doing my job...
I got drafted to do player escorts. They have no real security here and the players are getting mobbed by autograph seekers. (Bad... Scary Bad.)
It is worse than anything I have ever seen, anywhere.
Insanity.
Anyway-
We (Nick, Gavin, Michael, etc) have to use every bit of our not-so-inconsiderate gwailo physique to bulldoze a path from the practice courts to the stadium. It was really bad this afternoon.
Somehow in the shuffle while we were escorting Rafael Nadal into the building, we were hit by the biggest crush yet. They (the fans) knocked down our barricades and rushed Nadal...
In the crush I had my foot stepped on and I lost my shoe.
(Did I stop to pick it up? Hell no.)
Once inside, I headed back out... to get my shoe.
Lots of laughiing, staring, pointing...
"Look at the big monkey with only one shoe!"
There were about five people standing around it as it lay there on the sidewalk.
I think they were just in awe of the size (and the smell, no doubt) of it.
I think one guy wanted to take it back to his hutong to live in it...
I got my size 14 canoe back and carried it back into the Stadium-
As I was carried it in with me, the laughing pointing and giggling became cheering and applause.
I was walking with the Tournament Director who seemed to get quite a big kick out of the whole scene. For me, it was embarrasing...
It told the TD that if this made the local paper it would cost him extra...
Hell... they have already promised me a Peking Duck dinner for doing the escorts the past 2 days... This is starting to be an interesting event.
Anyway... What else...
Man, it's hot here. Hot-hot-hot.
Africa hot.
Tarzan couldn't take this kind of heat.
As for adventures in dining... Still having ramen noodles for dinner most nights.
Tonight was interesting, though...
I got an invite to eat with the CCTV staff in their dining hall.
There was some very suspect dishes on the chow line. I had to take a pass on several rather doubious-looking meat dishes. And there were some vegetables that looked downright alien. Something out of a bad 60 SciFi movie...
I'll pass on that. Give me another one of the pork buns.
Except they weren't pork buns, they were more like kale and dill buns.
Imaging boiled kale and dill, wrapped up in a soft white dough bun.
Yuck.
I'll have to work on how to politely pass on the chow line at CCTV next time.
Things won't be getting much better when it comes to dinner time in the next 2 weeks. Matches on Center Court will probably go to 11:30 or 12 every night starting tomorrow.
Oh boy. What fun.
I'm sure there are some things I want to mention but are slipping my mind...
I'll post them when I remember them.
TBG out-
Thursday, September 08, 2005
And one more thing...
I've got the webcam running. As long as the internet connections stays running, it will update every 90 seconds... to view it, click on the eye under "webcam" on the main page.
It's just shooting a static shot of the office I'm living in for the moment.
I'll try to get a better location as time permits.
Enjoy.
It's just shooting a static shot of the office I'm living in for the moment.
I'll try to get a better location as time permits.
Enjoy.
I think I'll pass on that idea...
So...
I was thinking about getting (rent, buy) a bike...
Before you collectively freak out, I'm talking about a bicycle, not a motorcycle. Even I wouldn't try riding a motorcycle here. If you thought Athens was a nightmare for driving, you wouldn't believe Beijing.
Anyway- I was thinking about a bike. I even went and looked at a couple of them in the Carrefour and a little bicycle shop. Prices were reasonable, a nice heavy-duty bike for about $70USD.
So- I've been toying with the idea, the only holdup is economics.
Taxis are costing me $5UDS a day- and I don't have to deal with locking a taxi to a lamppost everytime I walk away from it. Also, the bike isn't airconditioned, a big consideration here.
On the plus side- I could sure use the aerobic exercise. Wouldn't hurt me a bit.
Until this morning...
I saw a bicyclist get nailed by a taxi. Hard. I mean, the dude on the bike hit the taxi hard enough to break the windshield and still flew another 20 feet before coming to rest in intersection.
The scary part was the reaction (or lack thereof) by the other riders and pedestrians. They stepped over or around the guy as he sat on the road bleeding. Traffic did the same thing mostly, just swerved around him. They just took it as another normal day-to-day event on the way to work.
(Although, it might be interesting to see what would happen if I got hit by a taxi...
I have a feeling that the auto might suffer more damage than I would. I could almost guarantee that the driver would get the short end of the stick.
If the realization of who/what he hit didn't kill him, I would turn him into a pretzel... or I guess it would be a jin ban wa here...
But I digress...)
So... Based on the fact that traffic is crazy, and you can wind up as a dark spot on the road at a split second's notice, I think I'll take a pass on the two-wheeler and stick with the greenies. At least for the moment.
TBG out. Cold. (heh.)
I was thinking about getting (rent, buy) a bike...
Before you collectively freak out, I'm talking about a bicycle, not a motorcycle. Even I wouldn't try riding a motorcycle here. If you thought Athens was a nightmare for driving, you wouldn't believe Beijing.
Anyway- I was thinking about a bike. I even went and looked at a couple of them in the Carrefour and a little bicycle shop. Prices were reasonable, a nice heavy-duty bike for about $70USD.
So- I've been toying with the idea, the only holdup is economics.
Taxis are costing me $5UDS a day- and I don't have to deal with locking a taxi to a lamppost everytime I walk away from it. Also, the bike isn't airconditioned, a big consideration here.
On the plus side- I could sure use the aerobic exercise. Wouldn't hurt me a bit.
Until this morning...
I saw a bicyclist get nailed by a taxi. Hard. I mean, the dude on the bike hit the taxi hard enough to break the windshield and still flew another 20 feet before coming to rest in intersection.
The scary part was the reaction (or lack thereof) by the other riders and pedestrians. They stepped over or around the guy as he sat on the road bleeding. Traffic did the same thing mostly, just swerved around him. They just took it as another normal day-to-day event on the way to work.
(Although, it might be interesting to see what would happen if I got hit by a taxi...
I have a feeling that the auto might suffer more damage than I would. I could almost guarantee that the driver would get the short end of the stick.
If the realization of who/what he hit didn't kill him, I would turn him into a pretzel... or I guess it would be a jin ban wa here...
But I digress...)
So... Based on the fact that traffic is crazy, and you can wind up as a dark spot on the road at a split second's notice, I think I'll take a pass on the two-wheeler and stick with the greenies. At least for the moment.
TBG out. Cold. (heh.)
N 39 50.950' E116 24.444'
Just as a dog returneth to his own vomit, so will a fool to his folly.
(Proverbs 26:11 KJV)
----------------------------------------------
Well-
Welcome to the China Open, 2005.
Insanity ensues.
I know you love to hear my travel adventures- Getting a laugh out of another’s misfortune is the American Way, as Pete would say…
This trip started good- I got an upgrade from Jax to EWR.
Nice. Guy next to me never said a word, I stayed buried in my crossword for the first 20 minutes and my nose in a Clive Cussler novel the rest of the time.
I only had 35 minutes in Newark so no breakfast a Gallagers.
I got a quick bite at one of the snack joints in the airport and boarded the 777-200.
It is one big-assed plane.
I got a bulkhead on the aisle- Lots of legroom. Hoo ha.
Guess who was two seats in front of me in Biz Class?
One of the people I loathe most in this world- Dan Rather.
On assignment for 60 Minutes.
(Irony- On Thursday Night I had the dubious pleasure of watching 60 Minutes II to see a piece on deepwater diving off NJ. DR is the host of 60M II and his smarmy commentary during the Hurricane Katrina piece was irritating to say the least.)
Now- here he is, two rows in front of me.
It was difficult to suppress the urge to go and urinate in his Cornflakes-
But, in the interests of National Security I was able to keep my composure.
More on him later.
OK- So- good seat. The plane was pretty empty.
I was on the aisle on the left side of the plane; config was 3-3-3 in this part of the plane. At the last minute a Chinese national took the window seat. We had the seat between us empty. Really nice- since last time it was crowded on the flight and there was someone in the middle seat, and all three of us were miserable.
Anyway-
Empty middle seat-good.
Movie choices, bad. Here I am less than a day later and I can't remember what I watched.
(Must have been bad.)
So.. I watched a flick, had "dinner", a nice very tender piece of beef, and then took and Ambien and slept for 5 hours. (hoo ha!)
I woke up with 4 hours to go, read some more of Dirk Pitt's adventure in the South American rainforest, had a bite to eat and got ready to land.
All in all, the flight was uneventful-
Customs and immigration was another story. As we walked through the terminal, I wound up behind Danny Boy, so as we entered the immigration screening room ("Please stay behind the yellow line, or the nice young man with the automatic weapon will shoot you") I chose a different line than Mr. Rather. His line didn't move fast enough, so he shuffled over behind me. Lovely.
I got my book out and tried to ignore him.
People in line around us tried to engage him-
"Hi, ho ya doin? Love your show. Why are here in China? Working on a story?"
He was polite but declined to say he was there.
"They really don't like us to talk about the stories we are working on, I hope you understand-"
(They? I thought you were the Big Boss, Danny. WTF is with the mysterious “They”?)
Well- Since he changed lanes, now MY lane wouldn't move. Asshole.
Doesn't he know Coopers Bank Postulate? "If you change lines in the bank because the teller that is servicing your line is slow, you will cause BOTH line to move slowly?
Jeezus!
Finally a guy in uniform got our attention and had us move down several lanes to one side- the sign above it read "Chinese Nationals", but since the guy directing us had a gun, I'll follow him rather than the sign.
There were 3 people in front of us, nationality unknown. As the guy behind the desk processed them there seemed to be problems with all of them- We watched as they were led off one by one to some secondary questioning.
Danny Boy taps me on the shoulder.
"You following all that?" he asked.
"Yeah. Not looking good." I said.
"Well- if you don't make it, I'm heading for another line." he said.
"Me too." said his camera guy and audio guy, standing behind him.
Lovely.
The cookie pusher behind the desk finally called me forward and I handed him my entry card and passport. He looked at me, looked at the pic and the "Why the hell are you coming to this hell hole?" card, stamped my passport with red ink and I was on my way-
I never looked back at Dan. FTMF.
I got my bags after a minimal wait, most of the wait was a passport control, then headed through the Nothing to Declare line- the guy took my declaration card, looked at my bags and waved me through without ever looking at me.
My ride, Nakanishi Ieyasu, was late, so as I stood in the Meet & Greet I was inundated with offers for a taxi- I started to practice my Withering Stare. You need the patented Withering Stare for when you walk through the markets and are deluged with the ubiquitous "CD DVD ROLEX" hawkers.
They get the Stare when they grab my arm or shoulder- Otherwise I pretty much ignore them-
Nakanishi finally showed up and we were off to Long Tou, the accommodations he had booked for me... Long Tou is kind of like a Little Tokyo... It seems like 90% of the residents here are Japanese. All the instructions and signs are in Kanji (as opposed to Pinyin) and all the people in the market and the restaurants speak Japanese...
This only presents a minor problem... In Beijing, places close to “American” style hotels (Hilton, Hyatt, Marriott, etc) have a lot of services with Engrish-speaking people in mind, like menus, signs, etc. Taxi driver that speak Engrish tend to congregate there, and they have other little things like menus that are printed in Engrish, or at least picture menus...
Not so over here in Japaneseland.
No Internet connections here in Long Tou either. I have to take my laptop over to the (no kidding) King Wing Hot Spring Hotel to get on-line.
And another thing... This is a winner... AT&T changed their access code since the last time I was here... I’ve been trying to dial 10811 to get a LD operator because I haven’t been able to purchase an IDD card yet)... but there is no response. You’d think they’d put on a recording to tell you they changed the number...
(The new number is 108888, should you need it... heh)
I went shopping last night... Man I love going to a grocery store that smells like an outhouse... I stick with pre-packaged and/or frozen stuff… I did get a couple tomatoes and oranges, but as I looked in the “deli” case the number of flies buzzing around inside the case had me worried, so I skipped the “prepared food”. (Prepared by Chef Sal - Salmonella to his friends).
I got some frozen dumplings and other cookables like ramen-type noodle soups, since my room has a “full” kitchen, so we will see if the 12 dollars I spent on five bags of groceries was worth the money spent.
I got lots of drinkables too... several kinds of tea, a couple bottles of diet soda, water, some other goodies too... I managed to avoid cookies and other sweets. We’ll see how that works out.
All manner of fun at the Beijing Tennis Center… Since I don’t comment on actual work stuff, you will have to ask about it directly of you have a need to know, but suffice to say we are living in Interesting Times, if you know what I mean...
Well... I started with 7 Clive Cussler novels... I’ve read one and a half in 2 days...I need to slow down... I’ll be out of reading material before the tournament starts at this rate.
The good news is that I still have 20 or so NY Times Sunday Crossword puzzles left…
Good times...good times...
Onward through the fog...As long as I keep moving they won’t find me...
Heh.
TBG out-
(Proverbs 26:11 KJV)
----------------------------------------------
Well-
Welcome to the China Open, 2005.
Insanity ensues.
I know you love to hear my travel adventures- Getting a laugh out of another’s misfortune is the American Way, as Pete would say…
This trip started good- I got an upgrade from Jax to EWR.
Nice. Guy next to me never said a word, I stayed buried in my crossword for the first 20 minutes and my nose in a Clive Cussler novel the rest of the time.
I only had 35 minutes in Newark so no breakfast a Gallagers.
I got a quick bite at one of the snack joints in the airport and boarded the 777-200.
It is one big-assed plane.
I got a bulkhead on the aisle- Lots of legroom. Hoo ha.
Guess who was two seats in front of me in Biz Class?
One of the people I loathe most in this world- Dan Rather.
On assignment for 60 Minutes.
(Irony- On Thursday Night I had the dubious pleasure of watching 60 Minutes II to see a piece on deepwater diving off NJ. DR is the host of 60M II and his smarmy commentary during the Hurricane Katrina piece was irritating to say the least.)
Now- here he is, two rows in front of me.
It was difficult to suppress the urge to go and urinate in his Cornflakes-
But, in the interests of National Security I was able to keep my composure.
More on him later.
OK- So- good seat. The plane was pretty empty.
I was on the aisle on the left side of the plane; config was 3-3-3 in this part of the plane. At the last minute a Chinese national took the window seat. We had the seat between us empty. Really nice- since last time it was crowded on the flight and there was someone in the middle seat, and all three of us were miserable.
Anyway-
Empty middle seat-good.
Movie choices, bad. Here I am less than a day later and I can't remember what I watched.
(Must have been bad.)
So.. I watched a flick, had "dinner", a nice very tender piece of beef, and then took and Ambien and slept for 5 hours. (hoo ha!)
I woke up with 4 hours to go, read some more of Dirk Pitt's adventure in the South American rainforest, had a bite to eat and got ready to land.
All in all, the flight was uneventful-
Customs and immigration was another story. As we walked through the terminal, I wound up behind Danny Boy, so as we entered the immigration screening room ("Please stay behind the yellow line, or the nice young man with the automatic weapon will shoot you") I chose a different line than Mr. Rather. His line didn't move fast enough, so he shuffled over behind me. Lovely.
I got my book out and tried to ignore him.
People in line around us tried to engage him-
"Hi, ho ya doin? Love your show. Why are here in China? Working on a story?"
He was polite but declined to say he was there.
"They really don't like us to talk about the stories we are working on, I hope you understand-"
(They? I thought you were the Big Boss, Danny. WTF is with the mysterious “They”?)
Well- Since he changed lanes, now MY lane wouldn't move. Asshole.
Doesn't he know Coopers Bank Postulate? "If you change lines in the bank because the teller that is servicing your line is slow, you will cause BOTH line to move slowly?
Jeezus!
Finally a guy in uniform got our attention and had us move down several lanes to one side- the sign above it read "Chinese Nationals", but since the guy directing us had a gun, I'll follow him rather than the sign.
There were 3 people in front of us, nationality unknown. As the guy behind the desk processed them there seemed to be problems with all of them- We watched as they were led off one by one to some secondary questioning.
Danny Boy taps me on the shoulder.
"You following all that?" he asked.
"Yeah. Not looking good." I said.
"Well- if you don't make it, I'm heading for another line." he said.
"Me too." said his camera guy and audio guy, standing behind him.
Lovely.
The cookie pusher behind the desk finally called me forward and I handed him my entry card and passport. He looked at me, looked at the pic and the "Why the hell are you coming to this hell hole?" card, stamped my passport with red ink and I was on my way-
I never looked back at Dan. FTMF.
I got my bags after a minimal wait, most of the wait was a passport control, then headed through the Nothing to Declare line- the guy took my declaration card, looked at my bags and waved me through without ever looking at me.
My ride, Nakanishi Ieyasu, was late, so as I stood in the Meet & Greet I was inundated with offers for a taxi- I started to practice my Withering Stare. You need the patented Withering Stare for when you walk through the markets and are deluged with the ubiquitous "CD DVD ROLEX" hawkers.
They get the Stare when they grab my arm or shoulder- Otherwise I pretty much ignore them-
Nakanishi finally showed up and we were off to Long Tou, the accommodations he had booked for me... Long Tou is kind of like a Little Tokyo... It seems like 90% of the residents here are Japanese. All the instructions and signs are in Kanji (as opposed to Pinyin) and all the people in the market and the restaurants speak Japanese...
This only presents a minor problem... In Beijing, places close to “American” style hotels (Hilton, Hyatt, Marriott, etc) have a lot of services with Engrish-speaking people in mind, like menus, signs, etc. Taxi driver that speak Engrish tend to congregate there, and they have other little things like menus that are printed in Engrish, or at least picture menus...
Not so over here in Japaneseland.
No Internet connections here in Long Tou either. I have to take my laptop over to the (no kidding) King Wing Hot Spring Hotel to get on-line.
And another thing... This is a winner... AT&T changed their access code since the last time I was here... I’ve been trying to dial 10811 to get a LD operator because I haven’t been able to purchase an IDD card yet)... but there is no response. You’d think they’d put on a recording to tell you they changed the number...
(The new number is 108888, should you need it... heh)
I went shopping last night... Man I love going to a grocery store that smells like an outhouse... I stick with pre-packaged and/or frozen stuff… I did get a couple tomatoes and oranges, but as I looked in the “deli” case the number of flies buzzing around inside the case had me worried, so I skipped the “prepared food”. (Prepared by Chef Sal - Salmonella to his friends).
I got some frozen dumplings and other cookables like ramen-type noodle soups, since my room has a “full” kitchen, so we will see if the 12 dollars I spent on five bags of groceries was worth the money spent.
I got lots of drinkables too... several kinds of tea, a couple bottles of diet soda, water, some other goodies too... I managed to avoid cookies and other sweets. We’ll see how that works out.
All manner of fun at the Beijing Tennis Center… Since I don’t comment on actual work stuff, you will have to ask about it directly of you have a need to know, but suffice to say we are living in Interesting Times, if you know what I mean...
Well... I started with 7 Clive Cussler novels... I’ve read one and a half in 2 days...I need to slow down... I’ll be out of reading material before the tournament starts at this rate.
The good news is that I still have 20 or so NY Times Sunday Crossword puzzles left…
Good times...good times...
Onward through the fog...As long as I keep moving they won’t find me...
Heh.
TBG out-
Beijing, Tombs & The Wall...
My most sincere apologies about the delay... I’ve been busier than a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest.
Since returning from China, I was sick for a week, did a week on the LPGA tour in Dublin, Ohio. I’ve been in NYC at the US Open, and am trying to get ready for another trip to Beijing on Sunday (the 4th).
So... Here we go...
Beijing.
The first thing I have to say is to watch out for the concierge(s) at the hotel.
They all have agendas.
I always thought the Concierge was someone who would help you with your wants, needs & desires (within reason). At the Courtyard Marriott in Beijing the service from the front desk and the concierge desk is pretty poor. Don’t get me wrong, the hotel room was ok, and they tried to be helpful, but in the end the overall impression was pretty poor.
I wanted to go see the Great Wall... I had heard there were some areas near Beijing that were a little off the beaten path, and the experience was preferred to the normal Great Wall tours. So I took my notepad to the Concierge to ask about hiring a car to drive me to this location...
“Oh- Great wall. We have good tour. 340 yuan.” says the smiling concierge.
“To Simitai?” I ask.
“No... Badaling. Also to Ming Tombs! Same day!”
“But... I want to go to Simitai.”
“We don’t have a tour there. Only Badaling.”
“Well... Can I hire a car and driver?”
“Not a good place. Take tour to Badaling and Chengling.”
“But...”
“340 yuan.”
“So... there is no way to go to Simitai.” I ask.
“No. Only Badaling.” He said.
So... I fork over my $40...
“Bus leaves at 7:30, come back at 4:00. Be here at 7:30 in the morning.”
So… I’m thinking... Wow. 8 and a half hours- It’s 70km to Badaling... I guess we get to spend a lot of time at the tombs and the Great Wall...
Ha.
The tour consisted of 4 people- Yours Truly, Angie, an ESL teacher from Kentucky by way of Osaka, and 2 girls from Philly, Agnes and Andrea, who are CSRs for a Major Airline…
So… We load into the minivan and 7:30 and we were off to the Ming Tombs…
Our tour Guide explained the itinerary...
“Today is holiday. Many visitors at Great Wall... Students from schools, visitors to China. We go to Chengling first, that way when we get to Great Wall, it not so crowded.”
Cool.
So-We are off to the Chengling.
But first...a word from out sponsor.
As we drove north out of Beijing, the Guide started talking about jade: how it is an important part of the culture of China, how it is and was used by the people of China…
And lo and behold- we pull into a prison-looking building and are herded inside for a little show and tell about jade... Grading, the carving process, care and feeding, etc.
So… the four of us crowded into a little showroom and head the first spiel about grades and colors of jade, then we are herded into a area where they are carving figurines. (I have to admit is was very interesting... especially all the partially finished pieces that were on display where they had fractured during the carving process.)
Then- just like Universal Studios, when you get off the ride, you end up in the gift shop. The display area was huge, fully 80 yards long and 40 yards wide... Probably 30 sales people in this huge room filled with display cases full of beautiful jewelry, shelves loaded with carved figurines, from huge elaborate carvings of sailing vessels to tiny beads...
Wonderful stuff... And every time you stopped to look at an item, a salesperson was there to show it to you, and give you the hard sell...
“Oh… Very nice for you. You like. 100 yuan. You want see more?”
Ours was not a very profitable group... I don’t think they got us for more than 50 yuan total… about 6 bucks... Then we were off again...
The Ming Tombs at Chengling.
The Ming Tombs- or rather, the one we visited was interesting, if you are into the funeral trapping of old dead Asian people, or the traditions of the old Dynasties of China before the 1600s. By all means, take the tour. It does have its moments. We pulled in to Chengling in a small parking lot- only 4 or 5 cars in it…
I was thinking- this will be good- looks like the place will be empty.
Wrong.
The Guide led us up a stone stairway- Holy Crap! There were about 30 large tour buses... and hundreds of tourists milling about everywhere.
If you really want the info on the Ming Tombs at Chengling, go here... (Link to be inserted later)
Meanwhile- I will continue with the list of things that I found interesting...
After we visited Zhoudi, we hit the road again. The Guide was evasive on when we would arrive at the Great Wall. I had a feeling we were in for another detour... and we were.
Our Guide started talking about Chinese medicine, and how sometimes how the old ways are better than the new medicines. As she finished her spiel, we pulled into a complex of buildings and were herded inside and into a small classroom. Our Guide said a Chinese doctor was coming to talk to us about Chinese medicines and give us all a non-invasive checkup and make some recommendations for our general health.
Well... Once again, we were not the most profitable group... The girls all sat for the doctor to feel their pulses and look in their eyes and mouths... He suggested some nuts and berries and herbs (and deer antlers and bear penis) that would cure them of all their ills, which were promptly dismissed as BS and we were on our way.
Me? I try to avoid doctors in the US, let alone going to a medicine man in rural Beijing. I politely declined the invitation to be examined.
(By politely, I mean I only suggested heavy physical violence if they didn’t let us go immediately when it was my turn to be examined. Heh.)
Onward through the fog...
We finally arrived at the Badaling section of the Great Wall around 11:30… The Guide turned us loose and we scampered off through the crowds and kiosks selling all manner of tacky souvenirs and nonesuch and headed up the steepest part of the wall.
MISTAKE!!
Your eyes tell you, yes, you can do it. But listen to your Uncle Jay... It is too damn steep, narrow and crowded to be safe. In this area it is a very picturesque location, but it is a tough row to hoe. Go the other way- head east. An easier climb, less crowded and much more enjoyable.
After hiking along that section of the wall, I was very surprised that many people aren’t hurt every day… It was scary in some places. The Wall is very steep in many sections, and the steps have a very long rise, sometimes over 12” in height. Going up is arduous, and coming down is treacherous.
We went up several sections, I think I made it up through 4 of the guard towers, almost to the top of the ridge, but I have to say, I did not have the stamina or (more importantly) the hydration to go further. I shot some pics, turned back and headed down.
I think the only thing that made going down safer for me was the fact my legs are long… I was able to negotiate the steps better on the way down… I hit the bottom and hunted up a vendor that had (no kidding) Pocari Sweat. (Japanese Gatorade) I drank two bottles and sat in the shade and waited for the girls to make it back down... When they made it, I treated them all to a bottle of Sweat and we went looking for the Guide...
The Guide, the driver, and some other unnamed gentleman were all asleep in our tour bus, taking a little midday siesta. We woke them up and we piled in and headed off to our next gift shop.
(One good thing about the Guide and etc napping in the van- they had the motor running and the AC on, so the van was nice and cool inside.
So... we were off.
We waited for the Guide to start on some kind of spiel on something intrinsically Chinese, and we weren’t disappointed... She started talking about Chinese cloisonné, porcelain inlaid with copper… and voila- here we were at the Friendship Store... We went through a short tour on the making of cloisonné and then were hustled upstairs to a large dining room for lunch.
Lunch was rather tasty... Some tasty appetizers, 4 different entrees that we shared, and some other goodies. All in all, it was very nice.
The cloisonné showroom was very nice... I got a huge kick out of the place.
Once again- we were not the most profitable group... We made minimal purchases and got out with our wallets intact.
Heading back into Beijing proper, it was about 2:30- Since we were due back between 4:30 and 5:00, I had a feeling we were in for one or two more gift shops... but- alas, it was not to be. We held a bloodless coup- Andrea and Agnes wanted to go to the Lama Temple (Yonghe Gong) in the north part of the city. I just wanted to go back to the hotel. I was tired tired tired.
Agnes and Andrea had to pay an extra 20 RMB…Why? Hellifino... I guess for the privilege of getting off before the next gift shop. They were ejected and we were off again. I prevailed (minimal threats) on the Guide to take us back to the Hotel.
Forget fatigue... It was 3:30- enough time to get over to the Beijing Tennis Center over in Fengtai. I hopped a taxi (a GREEN taxi) for Guangcai street...
A side note first-
Taking taxis in Beijing...
Listen to your Uncle Jay: Avoid the Red Taxis.
Let me say that again for emphasis- AVOID THE RED TAXIS.
The red taxis are old old old… they are all about 10 years old.
Think about that.
Take a poorly manufactured car, put it on badly paved streets, drive it like a maniac for 12 hours a day, perform minimum maintenance, and do it for 10 years.
Most of the red taxis have shot suspensions, broken air conditioners, worn-out seats, minimal exhaust suppression... overall it is a horrible ride.
Get a green taxi if at all possible. Or a blue.
Black taxis are also available, but you pay a premium for them...
And make sure they use the meter.
One more note on taxis- they are dirt cheap, overall.
Don’t let the meter scare you- Just remember the exchange rate. 8.11 to 1.
So that long 140RMB Cab ride from the airport is only $17.00...
(Know what 17 bucks gets you in NYC? Diddly and/or squat. $35.00 from LaGuardia to Manhattan is redicking fuckulous.)
Ok- enuffa bout taxis.
Onward to Beijing National Tennis Center...
We are about a month and a half out from one of the premier event in Asian tennis, the China Open... Takes place in mid-September, right after the US Open. Six weeks form now.
The BNTC is all but abandoned.
There is a guard at the open gate who looked at me as I walked through the gate, but didn’t even get out of his chair.
There is a Quonset-looking structure that I assume that is in use since there was a myriad of bicycles and a couple cars parked nearby, but the main stadium is unoccupied.
Not a soul.
I walked in the open doors- dusty but otherwise unremarkable. Went right out on to the main court...
It had recently (in the last month?) been repainted that lovely PMS 540…
OK… there has to be someone around here...
I heard voice somewhere in the sub concourse but I never found the source. A meeting going on behind closed doors, no doubt.
I sniffed around the corners of the court looking for power- lots of outlets... Looks pretty easy to cable for radar, clocks or other services. I poked around outside a bit more- couldn’t find a location that screamed “Truck Pad” but I have my suspicions where they will park the trucks... I shot a passel of pictures and did a quick sketch of the grounds and then headed back out to Guangcai Street to find a taxi.
Plenty of reds... no greens.
Bummer.
I walked a bit and finally found a greenie... and I was off to the Hotel- dinner at the local conveyer-belt sushi joint, and I hit the sack by 9:00 pm.
The Workers Stadium and Tian’anmen Square.
I wanted to see if they had fixed the venerable Workers Indoor Stadium, a 60's vintage arena that looked more like a prison than a indoor sports arena... We did a basketball game there last year in October and they were “working” on renovating the stadium. Big gaping holes in the exterior walls, whole areas in the sub concourse that were gutted and unusable...
Guess what? No change. The construction crew headed out the door on October 18, 2004 and hasn’t been back since.
Still a 60’s vintage shithole.
Lovely.
I hopped a green and headed for the center of town and, for all intents and purposes, the center of the Chinese universe. Tian’anmen Square and the Forbidden City.
If you want to know all about the Forbidden City, look here: (Link to be inserted later)
As for my skewed observations...
They have too many guards, too many souvenir hawkers and many many people who will offer to guide you to see the sights inside the walls...for a price.
I did the “do it yourself” thing- I saw a lot, but maybe having a knowledgeable guide is worthwhile... time will tell.
All I can say- the royal families were decadent... they spent a lot of money, brains and time, (well... SOMEONE spent money brains and time) building this pile of red, yellow and gold crap... and it was interesting as far as overindulgent royalty goes, and if you throw in their propensity for appeasing various and sundry deities and spirits, well... I have to say it is probably more interesting than, say, Versailles, but only because it is about 1000 years older...
If you cross the street from the Forbidden City, you are in Tian’anmen Square... One big open empty space. Them’s Who Would Know say that a half a million people could gather in Tian’anmen Square... It is huge... If you remember the unpleasantness a few years back- a peaceful demonstration that lasted several weeks and then the PRC big wigs got tired of the student’s demands for political reform and called in the heavy artillery, in the form of army tanks.
Everyone remembers the moving pictures of the dude with the white flag in front of the column of armor. You probably didn’t see him get squashed like a bug...
It didn’t actually happen in the square- it happened out on the street near the square… the big demonstrations were going on in the square, the dude with the flag was trying to stop the tanks from getting there.
Yo. Dude. Do the math. 98 lb student with a white flag vs. a 8600lb tank with 50cal guns and a 60mm cannon... The tank wins every time.
I shot some pics in Tian’anmen Square, aroused the wrath of the guards by taking pics of the various statuary... Hell if I know why... there was probably 30 more people shooting pictures too...
Oh well...
I walked back to the hotel... It was a hike, and I was a tired camper when I got back there... I had a flight the next day- CO88 leaves Beijing at 3:45pm and gets in to Newark at 5:30pm... Ooowee- that is one fast aero-plane!
They have a dim sum breakfast at the hotel- which was passable. I also went to the flea market for an hour, but that was pointless. You need about 5 hours to do Panjiayuan justice… Next trip.
One thing I noticed on the way to the dirt market was that we went down Embassy Row... all the different embassies all along one road... It brought a tear to my eye as we passed the US embassy with the Marine Guards outside the gate and the Stars and Stripes overhead...
Right next to the Greek embassy there was a place that looked abandoned... Weed choked driveway, overgrown bushes, and general disrepair...
Has some small country recently gone out of business recently? I didn’t hear anything about one...
Oh well...
The flight home was mostly uneventful... Clearing customs at EWR was the only adventure... For the first time in a long time they did a full search on my stuff... Went through the carnet item by item. A very thorough inspection... and one that made me nearly miss my connection... I had about 3 minutes to spare before they closed the door of the plane... I made it back ok, but just barely... 23 hours of travel... and it was still only 8:45 in the evening.
Go back a message or three where I thought I had come down with SARS...
That will keep you from traveling in 3rd world countries.
-TBG Out.
Since returning from China, I was sick for a week, did a week on the LPGA tour in Dublin, Ohio. I’ve been in NYC at the US Open, and am trying to get ready for another trip to Beijing on Sunday (the 4th).
So... Here we go...
Beijing.
The first thing I have to say is to watch out for the concierge(s) at the hotel.
They all have agendas.
I always thought the Concierge was someone who would help you with your wants, needs & desires (within reason). At the Courtyard Marriott in Beijing the service from the front desk and the concierge desk is pretty poor. Don’t get me wrong, the hotel room was ok, and they tried to be helpful, but in the end the overall impression was pretty poor.
I wanted to go see the Great Wall... I had heard there were some areas near Beijing that were a little off the beaten path, and the experience was preferred to the normal Great Wall tours. So I took my notepad to the Concierge to ask about hiring a car to drive me to this location...
“Oh- Great wall. We have good tour. 340 yuan.” says the smiling concierge.
“To Simitai?” I ask.
“No... Badaling. Also to Ming Tombs! Same day!”
“But... I want to go to Simitai.”
“We don’t have a tour there. Only Badaling.”
“Well... Can I hire a car and driver?”
“Not a good place. Take tour to Badaling and Chengling.”
“But...”
“340 yuan.”
“So... there is no way to go to Simitai.” I ask.
“No. Only Badaling.” He said.
So... I fork over my $40...
“Bus leaves at 7:30, come back at 4:00. Be here at 7:30 in the morning.”
So… I’m thinking... Wow. 8 and a half hours- It’s 70km to Badaling... I guess we get to spend a lot of time at the tombs and the Great Wall...
Ha.
The tour consisted of 4 people- Yours Truly, Angie, an ESL teacher from Kentucky by way of Osaka, and 2 girls from Philly, Agnes and Andrea, who are CSRs for a Major Airline…
So… We load into the minivan and 7:30 and we were off to the Ming Tombs…
Our tour Guide explained the itinerary...
“Today is holiday. Many visitors at Great Wall... Students from schools, visitors to China. We go to Chengling first, that way when we get to Great Wall, it not so crowded.”
Cool.
So-We are off to the Chengling.
But first...a word from out sponsor.
As we drove north out of Beijing, the Guide started talking about jade: how it is an important part of the culture of China, how it is and was used by the people of China…
And lo and behold- we pull into a prison-looking building and are herded inside for a little show and tell about jade... Grading, the carving process, care and feeding, etc.
So… the four of us crowded into a little showroom and head the first spiel about grades and colors of jade, then we are herded into a area where they are carving figurines. (I have to admit is was very interesting... especially all the partially finished pieces that were on display where they had fractured during the carving process.)
Then- just like Universal Studios, when you get off the ride, you end up in the gift shop. The display area was huge, fully 80 yards long and 40 yards wide... Probably 30 sales people in this huge room filled with display cases full of beautiful jewelry, shelves loaded with carved figurines, from huge elaborate carvings of sailing vessels to tiny beads...
Wonderful stuff... And every time you stopped to look at an item, a salesperson was there to show it to you, and give you the hard sell...
“Oh… Very nice for you. You like. 100 yuan. You want see more?”
Ours was not a very profitable group... I don’t think they got us for more than 50 yuan total… about 6 bucks... Then we were off again...
The Ming Tombs at Chengling.
The Ming Tombs- or rather, the one we visited was interesting, if you are into the funeral trapping of old dead Asian people, or the traditions of the old Dynasties of China before the 1600s. By all means, take the tour. It does have its moments. We pulled in to Chengling in a small parking lot- only 4 or 5 cars in it…
I was thinking- this will be good- looks like the place will be empty.
Wrong.
The Guide led us up a stone stairway- Holy Crap! There were about 30 large tour buses... and hundreds of tourists milling about everywhere.
If you really want the info on the Ming Tombs at Chengling, go here... (Link to be inserted later)
Meanwhile- I will continue with the list of things that I found interesting...
After we visited Zhoudi, we hit the road again. The Guide was evasive on when we would arrive at the Great Wall. I had a feeling we were in for another detour... and we were.
Our Guide started talking about Chinese medicine, and how sometimes how the old ways are better than the new medicines. As she finished her spiel, we pulled into a complex of buildings and were herded inside and into a small classroom. Our Guide said a Chinese doctor was coming to talk to us about Chinese medicines and give us all a non-invasive checkup and make some recommendations for our general health.
Well... Once again, we were not the most profitable group... The girls all sat for the doctor to feel their pulses and look in their eyes and mouths... He suggested some nuts and berries and herbs (and deer antlers and bear penis) that would cure them of all their ills, which were promptly dismissed as BS and we were on our way.
Me? I try to avoid doctors in the US, let alone going to a medicine man in rural Beijing. I politely declined the invitation to be examined.
(By politely, I mean I only suggested heavy physical violence if they didn’t let us go immediately when it was my turn to be examined. Heh.)
Onward through the fog...
We finally arrived at the Badaling section of the Great Wall around 11:30… The Guide turned us loose and we scampered off through the crowds and kiosks selling all manner of tacky souvenirs and nonesuch and headed up the steepest part of the wall.
MISTAKE!!
Your eyes tell you, yes, you can do it. But listen to your Uncle Jay... It is too damn steep, narrow and crowded to be safe. In this area it is a very picturesque location, but it is a tough row to hoe. Go the other way- head east. An easier climb, less crowded and much more enjoyable.
After hiking along that section of the wall, I was very surprised that many people aren’t hurt every day… It was scary in some places. The Wall is very steep in many sections, and the steps have a very long rise, sometimes over 12” in height. Going up is arduous, and coming down is treacherous.
We went up several sections, I think I made it up through 4 of the guard towers, almost to the top of the ridge, but I have to say, I did not have the stamina or (more importantly) the hydration to go further. I shot some pics, turned back and headed down.
I think the only thing that made going down safer for me was the fact my legs are long… I was able to negotiate the steps better on the way down… I hit the bottom and hunted up a vendor that had (no kidding) Pocari Sweat. (Japanese Gatorade) I drank two bottles and sat in the shade and waited for the girls to make it back down... When they made it, I treated them all to a bottle of Sweat and we went looking for the Guide...
The Guide, the driver, and some other unnamed gentleman were all asleep in our tour bus, taking a little midday siesta. We woke them up and we piled in and headed off to our next gift shop.
(One good thing about the Guide and etc napping in the van- they had the motor running and the AC on, so the van was nice and cool inside.
So... we were off.
We waited for the Guide to start on some kind of spiel on something intrinsically Chinese, and we weren’t disappointed... She started talking about Chinese cloisonné, porcelain inlaid with copper… and voila- here we were at the Friendship Store... We went through a short tour on the making of cloisonné and then were hustled upstairs to a large dining room for lunch.
Lunch was rather tasty... Some tasty appetizers, 4 different entrees that we shared, and some other goodies. All in all, it was very nice.
The cloisonné showroom was very nice... I got a huge kick out of the place.
Once again- we were not the most profitable group... We made minimal purchases and got out with our wallets intact.
Heading back into Beijing proper, it was about 2:30- Since we were due back between 4:30 and 5:00, I had a feeling we were in for one or two more gift shops... but- alas, it was not to be. We held a bloodless coup- Andrea and Agnes wanted to go to the Lama Temple (Yonghe Gong) in the north part of the city. I just wanted to go back to the hotel. I was tired tired tired.
Agnes and Andrea had to pay an extra 20 RMB…Why? Hellifino... I guess for the privilege of getting off before the next gift shop. They were ejected and we were off again. I prevailed (minimal threats) on the Guide to take us back to the Hotel.
Forget fatigue... It was 3:30- enough time to get over to the Beijing Tennis Center over in Fengtai. I hopped a taxi (a GREEN taxi) for Guangcai street...
A side note first-
Taking taxis in Beijing...
Listen to your Uncle Jay: Avoid the Red Taxis.
Let me say that again for emphasis- AVOID THE RED TAXIS.
The red taxis are old old old… they are all about 10 years old.
Think about that.
Take a poorly manufactured car, put it on badly paved streets, drive it like a maniac for 12 hours a day, perform minimum maintenance, and do it for 10 years.
Most of the red taxis have shot suspensions, broken air conditioners, worn-out seats, minimal exhaust suppression... overall it is a horrible ride.
Get a green taxi if at all possible. Or a blue.
Black taxis are also available, but you pay a premium for them...
And make sure they use the meter.
One more note on taxis- they are dirt cheap, overall.
Don’t let the meter scare you- Just remember the exchange rate. 8.11 to 1.
So that long 140RMB Cab ride from the airport is only $17.00...
(Know what 17 bucks gets you in NYC? Diddly and/or squat. $35.00 from LaGuardia to Manhattan is redicking fuckulous.)
Ok- enuffa bout taxis.
Onward to Beijing National Tennis Center...
We are about a month and a half out from one of the premier event in Asian tennis, the China Open... Takes place in mid-September, right after the US Open. Six weeks form now.
The BNTC is all but abandoned.
There is a guard at the open gate who looked at me as I walked through the gate, but didn’t even get out of his chair.
There is a Quonset-looking structure that I assume that is in use since there was a myriad of bicycles and a couple cars parked nearby, but the main stadium is unoccupied.
Not a soul.
I walked in the open doors- dusty but otherwise unremarkable. Went right out on to the main court...
It had recently (in the last month?) been repainted that lovely PMS 540…
OK… there has to be someone around here...
I heard voice somewhere in the sub concourse but I never found the source. A meeting going on behind closed doors, no doubt.
I sniffed around the corners of the court looking for power- lots of outlets... Looks pretty easy to cable for radar, clocks or other services. I poked around outside a bit more- couldn’t find a location that screamed “Truck Pad” but I have my suspicions where they will park the trucks... I shot a passel of pictures and did a quick sketch of the grounds and then headed back out to Guangcai Street to find a taxi.
Plenty of reds... no greens.
Bummer.
I walked a bit and finally found a greenie... and I was off to the Hotel- dinner at the local conveyer-belt sushi joint, and I hit the sack by 9:00 pm.
The Workers Stadium and Tian’anmen Square.
I wanted to see if they had fixed the venerable Workers Indoor Stadium, a 60's vintage arena that looked more like a prison than a indoor sports arena... We did a basketball game there last year in October and they were “working” on renovating the stadium. Big gaping holes in the exterior walls, whole areas in the sub concourse that were gutted and unusable...
Guess what? No change. The construction crew headed out the door on October 18, 2004 and hasn’t been back since.
Still a 60’s vintage shithole.
Lovely.
I hopped a green and headed for the center of town and, for all intents and purposes, the center of the Chinese universe. Tian’anmen Square and the Forbidden City.
If you want to know all about the Forbidden City, look here: (Link to be inserted later)
As for my skewed observations...
They have too many guards, too many souvenir hawkers and many many people who will offer to guide you to see the sights inside the walls...for a price.
I did the “do it yourself” thing- I saw a lot, but maybe having a knowledgeable guide is worthwhile... time will tell.
All I can say- the royal families were decadent... they spent a lot of money, brains and time, (well... SOMEONE spent money brains and time) building this pile of red, yellow and gold crap... and it was interesting as far as overindulgent royalty goes, and if you throw in their propensity for appeasing various and sundry deities and spirits, well... I have to say it is probably more interesting than, say, Versailles, but only because it is about 1000 years older...
If you cross the street from the Forbidden City, you are in Tian’anmen Square... One big open empty space. Them’s Who Would Know say that a half a million people could gather in Tian’anmen Square... It is huge... If you remember the unpleasantness a few years back- a peaceful demonstration that lasted several weeks and then the PRC big wigs got tired of the student’s demands for political reform and called in the heavy artillery, in the form of army tanks.
Everyone remembers the moving pictures of the dude with the white flag in front of the column of armor. You probably didn’t see him get squashed like a bug...
It didn’t actually happen in the square- it happened out on the street near the square… the big demonstrations were going on in the square, the dude with the flag was trying to stop the tanks from getting there.
Yo. Dude. Do the math. 98 lb student with a white flag vs. a 8600lb tank with 50cal guns and a 60mm cannon... The tank wins every time.
I shot some pics in Tian’anmen Square, aroused the wrath of the guards by taking pics of the various statuary... Hell if I know why... there was probably 30 more people shooting pictures too...
Oh well...
I walked back to the hotel... It was a hike, and I was a tired camper when I got back there... I had a flight the next day- CO88 leaves Beijing at 3:45pm and gets in to Newark at 5:30pm... Ooowee- that is one fast aero-plane!
They have a dim sum breakfast at the hotel- which was passable. I also went to the flea market for an hour, but that was pointless. You need about 5 hours to do Panjiayuan justice… Next trip.
One thing I noticed on the way to the dirt market was that we went down Embassy Row... all the different embassies all along one road... It brought a tear to my eye as we passed the US embassy with the Marine Guards outside the gate and the Stars and Stripes overhead...
Right next to the Greek embassy there was a place that looked abandoned... Weed choked driveway, overgrown bushes, and general disrepair...
Has some small country recently gone out of business recently? I didn’t hear anything about one...
Oh well...
The flight home was mostly uneventful... Clearing customs at EWR was the only adventure... For the first time in a long time they did a full search on my stuff... Went through the carnet item by item. A very thorough inspection... and one that made me nearly miss my connection... I had about 3 minutes to spare before they closed the door of the plane... I made it back ok, but just barely... 23 hours of travel... and it was still only 8:45 in the evening.
Go back a message or three where I thought I had come down with SARS...
That will keep you from traveling in 3rd world countries.
-TBG Out.
Monday, August 08, 2005
Shanghai to Beijing
So, let's cover getting to Beijing...
It was not pretty... I had an 8:00 flight- you remember Airport math... so I was up and checking out of the hotel at 5:00. The traffic on the way to the airport was the lightest I had ever seen in Shanghai... It only took us 24 minutes to get from the Mayfair to the airport in Pudong. We were flying. The taxi driver would put any NYC cabbie to shame.
I got there much too early.
So... flight is at 8:00- checked in opened at 7:00, checked 2 bags- I asked for a bulkhead seat, got a fairly small row number- fifth row. Cool. Bulkhead seat. Things are looking up.
We finally boarded at 7:30- If you go back tothe tales from Crete, and the description of boarding a domestic aircraft on a non-US airport, the difference was night and day.
People were calm, unhurried, polite and generally well-behaved. Heh.
On Shanghai Airlines, and the plane we were on, row 4 is the bulkhead, not 5. Just so you know if you ever are in need of such info... So I'm one row back of the bulkhead. row. Ok.. it's only 90 mins. I can do this.
We loaded up, settled in, and got ready. And waited. And waited.
8:00 came and went. 8:30 passed us by.
They finally asked us to get off the plane, that there were mechanical difficulties- please wait in the boarding lounge. Everyone got a can of Coke or a bottle of water and a packet of cookies, and we sat to wait. At 9:45 we were herded onto a shuttle bus and driven to a new airplane parked out on the apron...
Back on board, get settled in...
Did you know that when the plane is parked at the jetway, they have shore power to run the on-board environmentals, like AC, etc. If you are out on the jetway, there is no power, hence, no AC. Did I tell you I'm a real fan of air conditioning?
Yeah.
So... We're in the plane and we're cooking. And waiting. And waiting. At 10:30 we are herded off the plane amd back into the shuttle bus.
I am ready to force a change of plans- encite a riot to overtake the shuttle bus driver and we'll drive the shuttle bus to Beijing.
I think there would have been violence and probably bloodshed if we had gone back to the terminal. Instead (thank God) we were driven directaly to another plane and loaded on board. Had they not closed the door immediately and started moving, things would have gotten ugly.
The best part- there was a different seat configuration... Row 5 was in business class. Hoo Ha!
We were on the ground in Beijing at 12:30...
The next step of the adventure had begun... I was on my own here...
No private driver, no Tournament Director to help me get from airport to hotel, etc.
I headed for the taxi line and a very uncertain future....
More later.
TBG out-
It was not pretty... I had an 8:00 flight- you remember Airport math... so I was up and checking out of the hotel at 5:00. The traffic on the way to the airport was the lightest I had ever seen in Shanghai... It only took us 24 minutes to get from the Mayfair to the airport in Pudong. We were flying. The taxi driver would put any NYC cabbie to shame.
I got there much too early.
So... flight is at 8:00- checked in opened at 7:00, checked 2 bags- I asked for a bulkhead seat, got a fairly small row number- fifth row. Cool. Bulkhead seat. Things are looking up.
We finally boarded at 7:30- If you go back tothe tales from Crete, and the description of boarding a domestic aircraft on a non-US airport, the difference was night and day.
People were calm, unhurried, polite and generally well-behaved. Heh.
On Shanghai Airlines, and the plane we were on, row 4 is the bulkhead, not 5. Just so you know if you ever are in need of such info... So I'm one row back of the bulkhead. row. Ok.. it's only 90 mins. I can do this.
We loaded up, settled in, and got ready. And waited. And waited.
8:00 came and went. 8:30 passed us by.
They finally asked us to get off the plane, that there were mechanical difficulties- please wait in the boarding lounge. Everyone got a can of Coke or a bottle of water and a packet of cookies, and we sat to wait. At 9:45 we were herded onto a shuttle bus and driven to a new airplane parked out on the apron...
Back on board, get settled in...
Did you know that when the plane is parked at the jetway, they have shore power to run the on-board environmentals, like AC, etc. If you are out on the jetway, there is no power, hence, no AC. Did I tell you I'm a real fan of air conditioning?
Yeah.
So... We're in the plane and we're cooking. And waiting. And waiting. At 10:30 we are herded off the plane amd back into the shuttle bus.
I am ready to force a change of plans- encite a riot to overtake the shuttle bus driver and we'll drive the shuttle bus to Beijing.
I think there would have been violence and probably bloodshed if we had gone back to the terminal. Instead (thank God) we were driven directaly to another plane and loaded on board. Had they not closed the door immediately and started moving, things would have gotten ugly.
The best part- there was a different seat configuration... Row 5 was in business class. Hoo Ha!
We were on the ground in Beijing at 12:30...
The next step of the adventure had begun... I was on my own here...
No private driver, no Tournament Director to help me get from airport to hotel, etc.
I headed for the taxi line and a very uncertain future....
More later.
TBG out-
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Well... It's not SARS...
So, I'll get back to you on the trip to the Great Wall, Tian'amen Square and the Forbidden City in a message or two, but I wanted to let y'all know why there have been no updates for a week...
24 hours after returning to the 'States, the hammer of illness descended on me, hitting me square in the head...
I have a fever, a horrible sinus drip, nausea, and the most amazing, a loss of appetite. Add a raging chest cough and raw throat... I'm thinking SARS or Asian Bird Flu.
13 hours in a planeful of Asians will do that for you. They (the Chinese government) make such a big deal about SARS and other illnesses when you enter the country, it got my wheels turning when I got sick.
Anyway- I went to the Doctor- Gave them my symptoms- they poked and prodded me, did a little research;
A long story short, it's not SARS, but it is a fairly nasty sinus infection.
They gave me a 5 day course of Ketek and sent me on my way...
When I feel a little better I'll do a more comprehensive update.
Take care, y'all...
TBG (really) out-
Friday, July 29, 2005
Shanghai 6 - Adventures in food,
From the Be-Careful-Where-You-Eat Department:
By far, the most popular restaurant in China is the ubiquitous KFC.
Although if you refer to the place as Kentucky Fried, as I have always done, they will look at your funny. It is "Kay Eff Cee"- that's it.
Technically, if your are discussing it in conversation among educated people (Chinese) and not gwailo (Foreign Devils) it will be referred to as " The House of the Venerable and Inscrutable Colonel". Venerable, because he developed a method of preparing chicken in a unique and tasty manner, and inscrutable because he maintained the secrecy of his recipe of herbs and spices, taking it to the grave with him (or so they say).
Now...
You will see Harlan Saunders' smiling visage beaming down upon you virtually anywhere you travel in any major city in China. As a matter of fact, it is damned hard to find a place where KFC is not (literally) a stone's throw away. Because of it's popularity here, the local population think it is quite a treat to take any Western visitors to their favorite restaurant.
Now, I don't eat at KFC when I'm at home... Why the hell would I do it when I'm here?
(I've covered this before, back when I was here last year with the NBA... But I have some new information... Bear with me here...)
Now- The self-styled Colonel- (Remind me here... Exactly what army bestowed the rank of Colonel on him?) does put out a tasty meal, but why would I want American fast food when I'm in China?
But those wily Chinese have made a copy of the House of the Venerable and Inscrutable Colonel...
To Wit:
As opposed to:
As you can see, the Logo is almost the same- the imposter being a little more Asian in appearance. The venerable and inscrutable colonel, however, looks the same as he does back in the 'States.
Now, the first time I saw the Sino-Colonel, I just thought the franchisee at that location had lost his copy of the official logo and had re-created it, using that good ol' Chinese "Screw it, I'll make it myself" mindset... But after seeing the Invenerable and Scrutable (heh) Colonel, I resolved that it probably wouldn't be a Good Thing, since they are just trying to copy the V & I Colonel, the food is probably substandard.
You have to say this, when you are trying to ride on someone's already-established reputation, you better do a good job of it. And in this case, they did.
Here's what happened:
I was walking around near my hotel in Shanghai the other night, and I was tired-tired-tired of the food in the cafe in the Hotel. The only other option that I knew of was a McDonalds a block or so away, and a KFC about a half block the other way.
Since neither of those appealed to me, I decided to walk a bit.
I headed beyond the KFC and was passing a building that had been cocooned; a sheaf of scaffolding had been erected around the place in order to give it a facelift.
As I was passing under the scaffolding I saw a small dumpling restaurant...
The pictures of shu mai, pork buns, and soup dumplings are not something I can willingly resist when the Quest For Food is underway.
I went in and found the one copy of the menu in Engrish that they had and proceded to order shrimp and crab soup dumplings, some pork and shrimp dumplings and an order of spring rolls.
It was ambrosia. Just awesome.
I was a happy camper...
The next day, as I was heading out with Mighty Zhou, I remembered to look back as we passed the dumpling place. I saw through the scaffolding the now-familiar face of the Unvenerable and Scrutable Colonel. Oh. My. God. I can't believe I ate at the Imposters!
And it was good!
The Moral of the Story:
Keep an open mind. You never know when you might run into a good dumpling.
TBG Out-
By far, the most popular restaurant in China is the ubiquitous KFC.
Although if you refer to the place as Kentucky Fried, as I have always done, they will look at your funny. It is "Kay Eff Cee"- that's it.
Technically, if your are discussing it in conversation among educated people (Chinese) and not gwailo (Foreign Devils) it will be referred to as " The House of the Venerable and Inscrutable Colonel". Venerable, because he developed a method of preparing chicken in a unique and tasty manner, and inscrutable because he maintained the secrecy of his recipe of herbs and spices, taking it to the grave with him (or so they say).
Now...
You will see Harlan Saunders' smiling visage beaming down upon you virtually anywhere you travel in any major city in China. As a matter of fact, it is damned hard to find a place where KFC is not (literally) a stone's throw away. Because of it's popularity here, the local population think it is quite a treat to take any Western visitors to their favorite restaurant.
Now, I don't eat at KFC when I'm at home... Why the hell would I do it when I'm here?
(I've covered this before, back when I was here last year with the NBA... But I have some new information... Bear with me here...)
Now- The self-styled Colonel- (Remind me here... Exactly what army bestowed the rank of Colonel on him?) does put out a tasty meal, but why would I want American fast food when I'm in China?
But those wily Chinese have made a copy of the House of the Venerable and Inscrutable Colonel...
To Wit:
As opposed to:
As you can see, the Logo is almost the same- the imposter being a little more Asian in appearance. The venerable and inscrutable colonel, however, looks the same as he does back in the 'States.
Now, the first time I saw the Sino-Colonel, I just thought the franchisee at that location had lost his copy of the official logo and had re-created it, using that good ol' Chinese "Screw it, I'll make it myself" mindset... But after seeing the Invenerable and Scrutable (heh) Colonel, I resolved that it probably wouldn't be a Good Thing, since they are just trying to copy the V & I Colonel, the food is probably substandard.
You have to say this, when you are trying to ride on someone's already-established reputation, you better do a good job of it. And in this case, they did.
Here's what happened:
I was walking around near my hotel in Shanghai the other night, and I was tired-tired-tired of the food in the cafe in the Hotel. The only other option that I knew of was a McDonalds a block or so away, and a KFC about a half block the other way.
Since neither of those appealed to me, I decided to walk a bit.
I headed beyond the KFC and was passing a building that had been cocooned; a sheaf of scaffolding had been erected around the place in order to give it a facelift.
As I was passing under the scaffolding I saw a small dumpling restaurant...
The pictures of shu mai, pork buns, and soup dumplings are not something I can willingly resist when the Quest For Food is underway.
I went in and found the one copy of the menu in Engrish that they had and proceded to order shrimp and crab soup dumplings, some pork and shrimp dumplings and an order of spring rolls.
It was ambrosia. Just awesome.
I was a happy camper...
The next day, as I was heading out with Mighty Zhou, I remembered to look back as we passed the dumpling place. I saw through the scaffolding the now-familiar face of the Unvenerable and Scrutable Colonel. Oh. My. God. I can't believe I ate at the Imposters!
And it was good!
The Moral of the Story:
Keep an open mind. You never know when you might run into a good dumpling.
TBG Out-
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Shanghai 5
Shanghai Part 5
From the Unclear-On-The-Concept Department:
So... The Driver Mighty Zhou has been busy running the ATP folks around the town, so I've been on my own to get from place to place. Since I needed to visit the Computer Market, and the Night Market (XaingYang) and maybe try to find a place to eat, I wanted to make sure I had a way to get back to the Hotel.
Since I didn't have one of those handy-dandy cards from the hotel that has the name and the address of the place on it, I wanted to get one of the secretaries from the TDs office to make one for me.
The Tournament Director told the girl at the front desk-
"Make him a note that he can give to the taxi driver so they will take him back to the hotel. He's staying at the Mayfair Hotel."
Cool. No worries.
She writes this page in my notebook:
Ok... So I got to the computer place, then to Xiangyang, then get in a taxi to go back to the Hotel.
I show him my note, feeling very smug.
The driver gives me a look like I've lost my mind-
He gestures at my note, then makes some more gestures that I understood to be "I have no idea what you are talking about."
Lovely.
I take out my dog-eared map from last October out of my bag and show him where the hotel is on the map. He looks at it, the light of knowledge going on in his head, and we're off. I settle back in the taxi puzzling over what went wrong.
So, upon arrival at the Mayfair, I head to the concierge desk and show them my note.
"What does this say?" I ask.
There is a quick huddle behind the desk... they throw a round of rock-paper-scissors... oops, wrong event. Sorry.
One of the guys explains to me the meaning...
"These mean "Prease take me home." he tells me gesturing to the Chinese characters on the page.
They all have big grins on their faces...
"Uh..." I ask, "Do y'all have one of those cards with the name and address of the hotel on it?"
Here endeth the lesson.
TBG Out-
From the Unclear-On-The-Concept Department:
So... The Driver Mighty Zhou has been busy running the ATP folks around the town, so I've been on my own to get from place to place. Since I needed to visit the Computer Market, and the Night Market (XaingYang) and maybe try to find a place to eat, I wanted to make sure I had a way to get back to the Hotel.
Since I didn't have one of those handy-dandy cards from the hotel that has the name and the address of the place on it, I wanted to get one of the secretaries from the TDs office to make one for me.
The Tournament Director told the girl at the front desk-
"Make him a note that he can give to the taxi driver so they will take him back to the hotel. He's staying at the Mayfair Hotel."
Cool. No worries.
She writes this page in my notebook:
Ok... So I got to the computer place, then to Xiangyang, then get in a taxi to go back to the Hotel.
I show him my note, feeling very smug.
The driver gives me a look like I've lost my mind-
He gestures at my note, then makes some more gestures that I understood to be "I have no idea what you are talking about."
Lovely.
I take out my dog-eared map from last October out of my bag and show him where the hotel is on the map. He looks at it, the light of knowledge going on in his head, and we're off. I settle back in the taxi puzzling over what went wrong.
So, upon arrival at the Mayfair, I head to the concierge desk and show them my note.
"What does this say?" I ask.
There is a quick huddle behind the desk... they throw a round of rock-paper-scissors... oops, wrong event. Sorry.
One of the guys explains to me the meaning...
"These mean "Prease take me home." he tells me gesturing to the Chinese characters on the page.
They all have big grins on their faces...
"Uh..." I ask, "Do y'all have one of those cards with the name and address of the hotel on it?"
Here endeth the lesson.
TBG Out-
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Shanghai Rules
Shanghai Traffic Rules
After several sojourns along the highways, byways, sidewalks and back alleys
with Zhou, I have compiled the following definitions for driving in Shanghai.
The more astute readers of this little scrap of foolishness might infer that
I have been contemplating driving in this 'burg.
You can put those thoughts to rest... I've finally found a worse place than
Boston to be a driver.
Shanghai Traffic Definitions and Tips:
Right of Way: Whoever gets there first is right in your way.
Green Light: Keep going, liberal use of horn (if you are a car) or bell (if a bicycle) may help prevent right of way.
Red Light: Phase of light most patriotic to China, often evoking strong emotional responses in the hearts of those encountering this color.
Stop Light: What, in Shanghai?
No such thing; not to be confused with "hong lu deng" (red green light), i.e. and aesthetically pleasing, multicolored light which pedestrians may ignore.
Traffic Jam: Neither you, nor those around you are exercising enough vim, vigor and/or can-do spirit to find a non-linear path to continue your journey.
Flashing Green Light: The light is about to change, speed up before it is too late.
Flashing Red Light: Same as flashing green light. Interestingly, according to industrial engineers, making lights flash may be the best method to save money on electricity, short of turning the lights off altogether.
Flashing Blue Light: Time to change sunglasses, or you may be on an airport runway, or perhaps a K-Mart. (Note that right of way does not hold on airport runways)
Head Lights: What you flash to prevent right of way; most vehicles have three settings, off, brights, or broken.
Sound of Policemans Whistle: Immediately act innocent and clueless about what you are doing. (Being a foreigner helps here with the clueless factor). Do not under any circumstances admit that you can speak Chinese.
Policeman Motions you to go: This is your big chance, so grab it fast; sometimes strong enough to overcome right of way (But don't count on it.)
Cutting somebody else off: Smile if you did it by accident, and accuse the other party first if you did it purposefully; or was it the other way around?
Road: Where pedestrians walk and bicyclists ride without looking; after all, feet were created well before bicycles and cars. Liberal application of horn is useful here.
Sidewalk / Pavement: Where drivers and cyclists go when the main road becomes congested with pedestrians; also good place to park cars, bicycles, relatives with lawn chairs.
Gridlock: Multiple drivers exhibiting nearly identical right of way skills having a chance encounter.
The best advice: Stay off the roads. The hotel bar is an excellent alternative.
TBG Out-
After several sojourns along the highways, byways, sidewalks and back alleys
with Zhou, I have compiled the following definitions for driving in Shanghai.
The more astute readers of this little scrap of foolishness might infer that
I have been contemplating driving in this 'burg.
You can put those thoughts to rest... I've finally found a worse place than
Boston to be a driver.
Shanghai Traffic Definitions and Tips:
Right of Way: Whoever gets there first is right in your way.
Green Light: Keep going, liberal use of horn (if you are a car) or bell (if a bicycle) may help prevent right of way.
Red Light: Phase of light most patriotic to China, often evoking strong emotional responses in the hearts of those encountering this color.
Stop Light: What, in Shanghai?
No such thing; not to be confused with "hong lu deng" (red green light), i.e. and aesthetically pleasing, multicolored light which pedestrians may ignore.
Traffic Jam: Neither you, nor those around you are exercising enough vim, vigor and/or can-do spirit to find a non-linear path to continue your journey.
Flashing Green Light: The light is about to change, speed up before it is too late.
Flashing Red Light: Same as flashing green light. Interestingly, according to industrial engineers, making lights flash may be the best method to save money on electricity, short of turning the lights off altogether.
Flashing Blue Light: Time to change sunglasses, or you may be on an airport runway, or perhaps a K-Mart. (Note that right of way does not hold on airport runways)
Head Lights: What you flash to prevent right of way; most vehicles have three settings, off, brights, or broken.
Sound of Policemans Whistle: Immediately act innocent and clueless about what you are doing. (Being a foreigner helps here with the clueless factor). Do not under any circumstances admit that you can speak Chinese.
Policeman Motions you to go: This is your big chance, so grab it fast; sometimes strong enough to overcome right of way (But don't count on it.)
Cutting somebody else off: Smile if you did it by accident, and accuse the other party first if you did it purposefully; or was it the other way around?
Road: Where pedestrians walk and bicyclists ride without looking; after all, feet were created well before bicycles and cars. Liberal application of horn is useful here.
Sidewalk / Pavement: Where drivers and cyclists go when the main road becomes congested with pedestrians; also good place to park cars, bicycles, relatives with lawn chairs.
Gridlock: Multiple drivers exhibiting nearly identical right of way skills having a chance encounter.
The best advice: Stay off the roads. The hotel bar is an excellent alternative.
TBG Out-
Shanghai 4 - Fun on the menu
As I travel around the city, I've taken to reading the menus that are posted
outside restaurants. They are an exercise in creative translation...
Some winning descriptions so far:
Smoking Err
Hairy Crab
Gross Crab
Pies with Lemmin Cram
Meat & Dork (I am definitely NOT eating here....)
A Fried with Filling in it (I'm almost afraid to ask)
Irritate (Must be New York cuisine)
I'll post more as I find them.
TBG out-
outside restaurants. They are an exercise in creative translation...
Some winning descriptions so far:
Smoking Err
Hairy Crab
Gross Crab
Pies with Lemmin Cram
Meat & Dork (I am definitely NOT eating here....)
A Fried with Filling in it (I'm almost afraid to ask)
Irritate (Must be New York cuisine)
I'll post more as I find them.
TBG out-
Shanghai - Part 3
Just a short note...
My driver, Zhou, (pronounced "Joe") has got the brake pedal and the horn
confused... Leans on the horn and makes wild gestures at the pedestrians,
bicycles, cars and basically anything else that moves...
Riding in the back of his van is a treat. I get to see the looks on the
faces of the people he sideswipes and drivers that he cuts off.
Priceless.
TBG Out-
Monday, July 25, 2005
Shanghai 2 (Tuesday)
Well... I'm not sure what's going on...
There has been a problem with sending e-mail to my blog, and I can't log
directly in to post my messages, so it is a bit of a puzzlement.
I'm wondering if it is a symptom of the "censorship" we read about, since I
can't get to any address with "blogspot" in the URL. But, in all fairness,
the internet acess is really slow.
I'll keep trying, though...
Let's see... Yesterday.
A good day. I met up with our clients... Nice guys.
We worked through some details, made some plans for Tuesday, etc...
I got a new sim card for my cell phone, bought some minutes to go along with
it, and also got an international phone card.
Check this out, though... Talk about ripping people off...
The international dialing card... they are labeled 100 yuan, $12.33usd. I
had Leo, the Ops Manager for the tournament go with me to get it... They
sell it to him for 40 yuan, about 2.50... Is that a crock of shit or what?!
Putting the screws to the foreigners. Nice.
And the sim card- I put it in my phone and it asked for my password... I
tried everything I could think of... No go, so I'm going to try to have Leo
call China Mobile today and see if he can figure out what's going on.
So... I'm off to the computer market today, then I have an appointment at
the equipment vendor's location at 2:00pm to test some equipment, then, if I
have time, I'll go to the Night Market... We'll see.
I've acclimated to the time change pretty well... I slept from 10 last night
'til 6 this morning... Only woke up once. I think it was taking the Ambien
on the plane... I didn't really sleep, but I think my body thought I did.
Went to the buffet in the Hotel for dinner last night... About half way
through I remembered my experience in Beijing and how sick I was. I was
pretty careful after that... No adverse effects last night, so I might have
dodged a bullet.
I'm thinking about a Churrascaria tonight, found one not too far away...
Either that or a Dumpling house near the hotel... Di Naing Dumpling House. A
chain here in Shanghai... I ate at one last October while I was here. It was
tasty, and really inexpensive. I got about 20 dumplings and a drink for 3.00
usd. Cheap at twice the price.
Ok- Onward and forward.
TBG Out-
Shanghai 1
Hi Kids- Yours Truly, back in da' Blog...
It has been an especially grueling couple weeks for YT... Cancelled flights,
NYC in the Summertime, one long-assed flight to Asia... Let's just say that
this July will go down in the books as a rough one...
A recap:
Ben & I were going to NYC to test some stuff for the Open... Our first
flight- Just a sec, I'm getting ahead of myself...
Let's talk Kingfish first-
The week before the Jax Kingfish tournament there is a tourney up in
Brunswick Ga...
We had a big blow on Thursday night- completely mangled some of our
equipment. We (Jingalls, Wayne, Redneck, the Rook & YT) spend all of Friday
recovering- We borrowed a board from another event, dragged it to Brunswick,
spend hours parking and rigging, then spent a buncha time securing the
damaged equipment... And let me tell you, spending 8 hours in the Georgia
swampland (where else would you put a marina?) toting, lifting, pushing and
pulling will wring every drop of moisture out of you.
So... That was Friday. A killer.
I spent the weekend recovering. I got a straight rum and Coke IV drip...
Need to get my blood/alcohol back to normal. ;)
Monday- We had an early flight- Departed at 6:30. So... Up at 4:00. Out the
door at 4:30, Airport at 5:30...
The departure board says "Cancelled". Nice. Did I tell you I hate Delta? I
never fly Delta. Thanks Ben.
We get on standby for the 8:30a- gets us into LGA by 10:45, still enough
time to do our stuff...
No luck- we were 6 & 7 on the standby list- they took the first 5.
We reschedule for Tuesday- get reticketed and head back out of the airport-
Ben went to the kingfish tournament grounds on Hecksher Drive, I headed for
the office where I kept flogging the TMS Cup stuff (my Shanghai event).
The problem with the reschedule was the new flight was at 5:30AM, an hour
earlier, and was a transfer through ATL. (I HATE Delta. Just in case anyone
wonders...)
Hell... I didn't know that 5:30 came twice a day! Ok- Airport math... Be
there at 4:30, Leave the beach at 3:45? Geez!
OK- To sleep early.
We got to LGA at 10:15- Pick up bags, get the rental car... At that point we
had almost 6 hours on the clock.
We decide to pick up lunch then go to the site so we wouldn't have to leave
at lunchtime- We went to Mama's down in Corona. Oh. My. God.
A quintessential NY deli, with Mama herself holding court in one corner of
the store... A wonderful old-style deli. I'll get the details and put them
in the restaurant list soon.
A long story short- We tested 30 positions, found 2 bad connections,
corrected the wiring and finished up.
But let me tell you- I don't know which was worse- the Georgia swamp or
Flushing Meadows... The heat was insane!
And spending the entire day in the sun, running back and forth across a hot
tennis court... Well... I think it baked my brains. What little I have,
anyway.
So... Wednesday- We have a 7:50pm flight- I spend the day in the City-
Meeting with Dan-O, the boys from the NBA, and one of my sources from NBC...
A very enlightening trip. But Hot HOT HOT! The locations were all around
midtown, so it was easiest to walk... I really should have had everyone come
to the same place- just set up camp at Maxies at 48 & 7th and let them all
come to me... Next time I will know better.
Back to jax late that night- no adventures, except trying to get checked in-
I get the infamous 20 questions on the equipment in my bags... What is that,
why do you have it, what do you do for a living... I had no problems with
it-
They were all on alert because of the London Bombing...
No worries... Got back ok... BUt geez- did I tell you I hate Delta? Cause I
really, really do...
OK- Thurs & Fri- take care of last minute details for Shanghai- and get
ready for Saturday morning's departure (At 6:30am)
Ok...
On the plane again.
Seat not bad on Jax-Newark
Tiny plane, emergency row, so legroom was ok.
Breakfast at the Newark Airport was interesting.
Gallaghers Steakhouse on the new part of the C concourse serves breakfast...
I needed some meat in my stomach to get me going, to stoke the fire, so to
speak. Figures a steakhouse would have meat on the breakfast menu.
Their Roast Beef Hash is incredible. Pricey, but incerdible.
3 eggs over a huge pile of pan-fried cubed potatoes, ringed by a monster
serving of 1" chunks of roasted beef... So flavorful you didn't even need
any sauce for the dish, and only a dash of salt to make it perfect.
If you have a full hour to kill in the AM at Liberty Airport in Newark- try
Gallaghers for breakfast. The rest of them menu looked awsome as well.
EWR to PEK is a long flight... 13+ hours.
I'm into the 9th hour... The Ambien has worn off and I've done 12 of my
crossword puzzles, and I'm just killing time between walks back to the
galley for water. I have terrible cottonmouth... A side effect of the
Ambien?
What else...?
I need to write up the story about the 1999 trip to Tokyo... The one where I
gave to old Japanese man the heart attack. I'll work on that in my copious
free time.
Schedule... What's going on this week...
First- Get to ShangHai. (Somewhat easier said then done.)
2nd - Get to the Hotel (Which is hell-and-gone from the Airport.)
3rd - Staying at the Shanghia Mayfair hotel. From their Website seems like
it's a nice place. I'll reserve comment until I get my room.
4th - Inventory
5th? I don't know. It will be evening - Probably around 7 orr so before I
get there, so I don't know how I will feel. Can't take another Ambien, so
we'll have to see what happens.
Tomorrow will be Site Survey at the tennis center in Quizong, and a
pre-meeting with the equipment vendors. Tomorrow night I want to hit the
Bund and Nanjing Road. Again, everything is subject to change - Michael
might have other plans. Some folks from the ATP will be on-hand so there
might be some schmoozing.
(Hope they don't mind me schmoozing in shorts, sandals and a Hawiian print
shirt. According to the weather forecast, it is HOT HOT HOT!)
Oh well... Back to the crosswords, or whatever else takes my interest for
the next 3 hours.
I finally made it to Shanghai- Got to the Hotel at 7:30 PM- More than 24
hours of traveling... I feel like I've been beat with a hammer... We'll see
what tomorrow brings...
TBG Out-
Monday, July 11, 2005
Good news / Bad news
Gather around, kids...
Here's the news from LeMonde Gojira.
First-
Got an e-mail from Niki Ryan... The Dry Tortugas weathered the storm fairly well. They lost some trees, and got a solid 24 hours of rain...
There was 7000 gallons of rainwater collected in the cisterns, so there will be some toilet flushin' going on down there for the next week of so...
(No more "flush every third use" restrictions... Yay!)
The big news, the landbridge between Bush Key and Garden Key is gone!!!
HooHoo!!
Before Hurricane Dennis
The park is closed until Wednesday... (7-13) After that, back to business as usual!
Yes... Back in business until....
Don't put away the rain gear or the take down the shutters yet...
Hmmm... Let's see, what else...
NYC next week, Beijing and Shanghai after that.
That takes us through the end of July.
Then we start to get to the busy part of my schedule... heh.
Take care, kids...
TBG out-
Here's the news from LeMonde Gojira.
First-
Got an e-mail from Niki Ryan... The Dry Tortugas weathered the storm fairly well. They lost some trees, and got a solid 24 hours of rain...
There was 7000 gallons of rainwater collected in the cisterns, so there will be some toilet flushin' going on down there for the next week of so...
(No more "flush every third use" restrictions... Yay!)
The big news, the landbridge between Bush Key and Garden Key is gone!!!
HooHoo!!
Before Hurricane Dennis
The park is closed until Wednesday... (7-13) After that, back to business as usual!
Yes... Back in business until....
Don't put away the rain gear or the take down the shutters yet...
Hmmm... Let's see, what else...
NYC next week, Beijing and Shanghai after that.
That takes us through the end of July.
Then we start to get to the busy part of my schedule... heh.
Take care, kids...
TBG out-
Welcome to my world...
Have you ever had one of those days...?
Well... I'm having one of those months...
Friday, July 08, 2005
Here is wisdom: Have patience in Houston.
If you are going fly Continental Airlines in the southeast US in the summertime, you better have a flexible schedule and a sense of humor.
Anyone who has lived on the Gulf coast of the US knows what I'm talking about. It is the obligatory afternoon thunderstorms that come in off the Gulf... I don't care if you are in Tampa, Panama City, Pensacola, Mobile or Houston, or any other place along the coast, in the afternoon, you are going to get rained on.
And if you happen to be connecting with a flight in Houston, be prepared for a delay.
You have 2 choices- fly another airline that doesn't connect in Houston, or travel earlier in the day.
BUT, (the point of this message) if you do fly through Houston on a summer afternoon, and your flight is delayed, smile, grit your teeth, and DEAL WITH IT!!!
Don't take it out on the gate attendant... It's not their fault. And although they DO represent the airline, yelling and screaming at them or berating them is not going to make matters any better.
Case in point, Thursday PM in Houston- The stormfront was moving in, and I was on a flight from LA, connecting to Jacksonville. The pilot got us into IAH just under the wire. As we were landing, there was lightning all around us, and as we taxied to the terminal, the bottom fell out of the sky and the rain came down!! Serious rain, too... Last time it rained like that in Texas, Noah built hisself a boat.
It was no suprise to me that my 7:05 plane to Jax was listed as delayed- New time was 7:51. No big deal. I went to the bar.
I kept checking the time, and it kept betting pushed back... 8:20, 8:50, 9:30...
I finally paid out my tab and went back to the gate...
The gate attendant were the picture of calm and serenity. Yes, the plane was finally on it's way from Dallas, yes, we would definitetly be leaving tonight. No worries.
I sat in the gate area and watched people... Always one of my favorite pastimes in the airport.
So...
The next gate over, a flight to Charlotte which was also pushed back several times, was finally cancelled. They announced that the cancellation was due to weather, and they couldn't get a flight crew in that could work the flight. The crowd rushed the desk even before the gate attendant could finish here announcement.
By and large the crowd was OK, but it was interesting to watch how things progressed... The folks in the back of the line got more and more irritated as it became obvious that any open slots on the morning flights were being filled, and that they'd probably not get back to Charlotte as early as they'd like.
And they started to get vocal about it.
I wandered over to the Jax flight to ask about it's status... Wondering if we might be delayed because of a missing flight crew.
No... they re-assured me, the flight crew was sitting right there, and as soon as they had a plane at the gate, they would turn it and we would board and depart for Jax.
During this 3 minute discussion, I was able to witness two different altercations at the Charlotte flight where customers verbally abused the gate attendants because of the situation... It was not a pretty sight. And these poor ladies took the berating with silence and stoicism... it was amazing.
(I know if someone came at me like that in a situation where I had no control over events, that individual would have the pleasure of carrying his teeth in a paper bag on the way to the emergency room.)
These ladies took the abuse, continued to be helpful in the face of a very irate customer, and then shrugged it off and offered the next person in line a nice (if exhausted) smile and an offer to be of assistance.
Now, ya'll know me, I'm never one to let injustice go unpunished, but it was all I could do to keep from going over to the idiots at the desk as they were hassling the airline employees and making a forceful suggesting that they get a grip and quit their BS. In retrospect I'm glad I didn't... The ladies had the situation in hand, and were very capable of doing their job.
So... The word from Uncle Jay... Be nice to the gate attendants and ticket agents... Weather delays are not their fault. And since they control the ticketing computers, it is in your best interest to be nice to them... Unless you really want to go from Houston to Charlotte via Omaha.
Here endeth the lesson.
TBG out-
Anyone who has lived on the Gulf coast of the US knows what I'm talking about. It is the obligatory afternoon thunderstorms that come in off the Gulf... I don't care if you are in Tampa, Panama City, Pensacola, Mobile or Houston, or any other place along the coast, in the afternoon, you are going to get rained on.
And if you happen to be connecting with a flight in Houston, be prepared for a delay.
You have 2 choices- fly another airline that doesn't connect in Houston, or travel earlier in the day.
BUT, (the point of this message) if you do fly through Houston on a summer afternoon, and your flight is delayed, smile, grit your teeth, and DEAL WITH IT!!!
Don't take it out on the gate attendant... It's not their fault. And although they DO represent the airline, yelling and screaming at them or berating them is not going to make matters any better.
Case in point, Thursday PM in Houston- The stormfront was moving in, and I was on a flight from LA, connecting to Jacksonville. The pilot got us into IAH just under the wire. As we were landing, there was lightning all around us, and as we taxied to the terminal, the bottom fell out of the sky and the rain came down!! Serious rain, too... Last time it rained like that in Texas, Noah built hisself a boat.
It was no suprise to me that my 7:05 plane to Jax was listed as delayed- New time was 7:51. No big deal. I went to the bar.
I kept checking the time, and it kept betting pushed back... 8:20, 8:50, 9:30...
I finally paid out my tab and went back to the gate...
The gate attendant were the picture of calm and serenity. Yes, the plane was finally on it's way from Dallas, yes, we would definitetly be leaving tonight. No worries.
I sat in the gate area and watched people... Always one of my favorite pastimes in the airport.
So...
The next gate over, a flight to Charlotte which was also pushed back several times, was finally cancelled. They announced that the cancellation was due to weather, and they couldn't get a flight crew in that could work the flight. The crowd rushed the desk even before the gate attendant could finish here announcement.
By and large the crowd was OK, but it was interesting to watch how things progressed... The folks in the back of the line got more and more irritated as it became obvious that any open slots on the morning flights were being filled, and that they'd probably not get back to Charlotte as early as they'd like.
And they started to get vocal about it.
I wandered over to the Jax flight to ask about it's status... Wondering if we might be delayed because of a missing flight crew.
No... they re-assured me, the flight crew was sitting right there, and as soon as they had a plane at the gate, they would turn it and we would board and depart for Jax.
During this 3 minute discussion, I was able to witness two different altercations at the Charlotte flight where customers verbally abused the gate attendants because of the situation... It was not a pretty sight. And these poor ladies took the berating with silence and stoicism... it was amazing.
(I know if someone came at me like that in a situation where I had no control over events, that individual would have the pleasure of carrying his teeth in a paper bag on the way to the emergency room.)
These ladies took the abuse, continued to be helpful in the face of a very irate customer, and then shrugged it off and offered the next person in line a nice (if exhausted) smile and an offer to be of assistance.
Now, ya'll know me, I'm never one to let injustice go unpunished, but it was all I could do to keep from going over to the idiots at the desk as they were hassling the airline employees and making a forceful suggesting that they get a grip and quit their BS. In retrospect I'm glad I didn't... The ladies had the situation in hand, and were very capable of doing their job.
So... The word from Uncle Jay... Be nice to the gate attendants and ticket agents... Weather delays are not their fault. And since they control the ticketing computers, it is in your best interest to be nice to them... Unless you really want to go from Houston to Charlotte via Omaha.
Here endeth the lesson.
TBG out-
Thursday, July 07, 2005
On the road again...
Just a few things-
I got a note from Ranger Trep yesterday-
Hurrican Dennis is fixing to make life miserable down in the Dry Tortugas,
I just caught the 11:00 AM EDT advisory, and the path of the storm is
shifting more northerly now... It will pass just west of the islands...
I heard from Annie on the Yankee Freedom too... everyone is battening down
the hatches down there.
To all my friends down in the Keys... Y'all be safe...
Me... I'm in LA still. My flight is at 12:30 local... its 8:40 here now...
and I'm watching the news about the London bombing...
The security at the airport is going to be a bad, so I'm heading to the
airport now.
I'm going to wear clean underwear, because I know a TSA officer will be
shining a flashlight up my butt as I go through security.
Oh well... Hurricanes in Florida, Bombs in Europe, Wildfires here in
California...
Belize is looking better and better...
Take care everyone- be safe and keep an eye peeled for suspicious activity.
TBG out...
Monday, July 04, 2005
Fourth Jewel Lie
Been a busy weekend here...
I finally got an OK for some testing in LA, very last minute...
I got the approval for the testing on Friday afternoon, but didn't get the actual schedule until late Friday night EDT. I was hoping for later in the week- Thursday or Friday, in order to have time to prep the systems and to make sure I had all the resources I needed. Unfortunately, we will be doing our test on Wednesday, which means I leave Tuesday PM, Test on Wednesday AM/PM and fly back home on Thursday.
Oh well...
Let's see- What else...
I got the urge to cook this weekend. I wanted to grill or smoke something, but instead I wound up getting a pork shoulder and marinating it in Mojo Criollio... after (oven) cooking it for almost 6 hours it was fall-off-the-bone goodness... I made some Liquid Love(tm) out of the pan drippings. The resulting sauce was a touch on the salty side, but still really really good.
While that was in the oven, Hunter and I went up to the u-wash-it and washed Physalia... I now have a clean little car... She's so happy.
(The car, not Hunter. Hunter's ticked because she got hosed down during the rinse phase. Heh)
Being the Fourth of Jewel Lie there is an abundance of fireworks in the neighborhood.
Even though there is a new strict zero-tolerance policy in Jax Beach, it seems like everyone has something that flies or explodes (or both) on hand with which to fill the air.
Not me, though. My luck is such that if I had only one bottle rocket and I launched it, it would malfunction- heading straight for the local city council members house, fire chief's wife's car, police chief's youngest daughter, etc and destroy, kill or maim said entity. I have such bad run-ins with fate that I never risk such shenanigans... I've spent enought time in the Hoosegow that I won't willing take foolish chances.
Live and learn, or you won't live long.
Oh well... there's a nap out there that's not going to take itself...
Hasta la vista- baby.
TBG out-
I finally got an OK for some testing in LA, very last minute...
I got the approval for the testing on Friday afternoon, but didn't get the actual schedule until late Friday night EDT. I was hoping for later in the week- Thursday or Friday, in order to have time to prep the systems and to make sure I had all the resources I needed. Unfortunately, we will be doing our test on Wednesday, which means I leave Tuesday PM, Test on Wednesday AM/PM and fly back home on Thursday.
Oh well...
Let's see- What else...
I got the urge to cook this weekend. I wanted to grill or smoke something, but instead I wound up getting a pork shoulder and marinating it in Mojo Criollio... after (oven) cooking it for almost 6 hours it was fall-off-the-bone goodness... I made some Liquid Love(tm) out of the pan drippings. The resulting sauce was a touch on the salty side, but still really really good.
While that was in the oven, Hunter and I went up to the u-wash-it and washed Physalia... I now have a clean little car... She's so happy.
(The car, not Hunter. Hunter's ticked because she got hosed down during the rinse phase. Heh)
Being the Fourth of Jewel Lie there is an abundance of fireworks in the neighborhood.
Even though there is a new strict zero-tolerance policy in Jax Beach, it seems like everyone has something that flies or explodes (or both) on hand with which to fill the air.
Not me, though. My luck is such that if I had only one bottle rocket and I launched it, it would malfunction- heading straight for the local city council members house, fire chief's wife's car, police chief's youngest daughter, etc and destroy, kill or maim said entity. I have such bad run-ins with fate that I never risk such shenanigans... I've spent enought time in the Hoosegow that I won't willing take foolish chances.
Live and learn, or you won't live long.
Oh well... there's a nap out there that's not going to take itself...
Hasta la vista- baby.
TBG out-
Thursday, June 30, 2005
I hate waiting in &^%$#@ traffic.
Some people who read this steaming pile of refuse have probably seen this before; back before I was blogging I occasionally sent out what I referred to as "The Rant of the Week". It was a one or two paragraph of whatever that
had pissed me off that particular day... Sitting next to the bathroom on an airliner for 3 hours, incompetent waiters, Yankees, Southerners, Foreigners, Democrats, bueraucrats, technocrats, doormats, brickbats and muskrats. They all drive me nutz...
Anyway-
A while back I was irritated by the behavior of some drivers during
afternoon rush hour traffic... and yesterday it happened again, so I thought
I'd resurrect the text from the rant-of-the-week, dust it off and share it
with y'all. Again.
Enjoy.
Uncle Jay's Rant of the Week-
Y’know what really pisses me off…
It’s people who are making themselves feel good at my expense.
You people know who you are.
You are the do-gooders that stop and let a car or five that is waiting to
enter the stream of traffic in, holding up that long string behind you.
Guess what? If you idiots didn'’t do it, that long line of traffic would move a hell of a lot faster, and there probably wouldn’'t be a traffic tie-up.
Then those folks could get out of their parking lot or side street just fine.
But no, Miss Goodie-two-shoes thinks to herself, I'’ll just motion two or
three cars out of that parking lot, holding up the twenty people behind me.
It gives me a warm and happy feeling.
Honey- If we were standing in line at a bank and you did that, you’'d get to hold your teeth in your pocket during the trip to the emergency room. God help you if pull that crap while waiting to go on a ride at Disney World.
What makes you think you can get away with the crap on the highway?
And the ones that really make me wish for some changes in the laws concerning the possession and utilization of handguns in motor vehicles, the yahoos that hold up traffic for folks wanting to make the turn across the lane and head the other direction. They hold up traffic until a break coming the other way. Meanwhile, we could’'ve all gone through the traffic light by now, on our way to a happy and productive life. Instead, this happy asshole has held up all of us, missing the cycle of traffic lights. He feels better, doing his part for the planet. In the eight cars stacked up behind him, people are visualizing how he would look as the centerpiece of a funeral service.
Preferably closed-casket.
Drive the car, Jerkwad.
TBG out-
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
7 Deadly Sins
Let me check for just a second...
Greed... Yep.
Envy... Oh yeah.
Lust... Do you have to ask?
Gluttony... Again... It goes without saying.
Sloth... Wake me when the questions are over...
Pride... Uh huh. Just call me Figjam.
Wrath... So very and completely yes...
Ok... Got 'em all covered.
TBG out-
Correction- Dell Bug is a Hoax!
After a little more investigation, it seems that the Dell keyboard keylogger
device is a hoax.
Dell Bug/Keylogger
By the way- if you ever have questions about anything that you might suspect
might be an urban legend or hoax, I highly suggest you visit Snopes.com
Snopes.com
These people have the low-down on everything and everyone...
Check it out!
Sorry about the false alarm...
TBG out-
Monday, June 27, 2005
Miscellaneous Stuff for this week...
Hi Kids... I have a couple things speak about today; nothing Earth-shattering, but a couple things that are interesting...
First, (and most distressing), the absolute BEST restaurant in New Orleans may be closed/closing. Uglesich's Restraurant, which has been around since 1924 is currently closed for the summer. This is normal, but there have been several articles written earlier this year that have alluded to the permanent closing of this fine establishment.
Pete Oliver introduced me to this little slice of heaven years ago...
Uglesich's is/was located at the corner of Erato & Barrone... Not exactly
what you would call a nice area of town...
As a matter of fact, when we (TWWKMT and I) went there about 11 years ago, we jumped a taxi at the Royal Sonesta Hotel. I told the driver that we wanted to go to Uglesich's... He had no idea what I was talking about. It told him never mind... I want to go to the corner of Erato and Baronne...
"Hey Man... you don' wanna go dere... That ain't no tourist place..." he says.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Dat dere is de' Projects. It ain't safe... Even for a big guy like you. And I cain't believe you takin' your lady there."
"Look... Just take us there. It's cool."
"Well... You de boss. But I'm tellin' you, you gonna want me to take you to someplace else when we get dere."
We went anyway... At that time it wasn't quite so well known. There was no line stretching down the block like there has been in the last 6 or 7 years.
We left the taxi and the driver watched us as we went in the tiny restaurant, shaking his head, sure we were going to be killed, skinned & roasted for dinner...
We spent nearly 2 hours there, sampling the amazing food that Mr. Anthony and his wonderful spouse Gail make. We had the Fried Green Tomatoes with Shrimp and Remoulade, we had Angry Shrimp, we tasted the oyster shooter, and had a shrimp po-boy. The Bar-B-Que oysters and other specialties were all amazing. We washed it all down with tall cold bottles of Chimay beer... Ambrosia!
Mr. Anthony is a prince among men. He tolerated us (Pete, Carl, Elton, Tom & myself) during a drunken trip to LSU for a football game once- An occasion where we roared into the restaurant and terrorized the patrons and scared the tar out of Gail as we tried to order everything on the menu. We had been drinking for hours when we decided we were hungry and headed to the Restaurant. To make a very long, ugly story short- a $300 dollar lunch that went half uneaten because of a simulated bar fight that showered broken glass over all our food; Carl's forehead was sliced open, and Pete nearly fell into the urinal in the bathroom then went outside to perform the vaunted Helicopter Vomit, a triple-snap-in-Z-formation performance if there was ever was one. And to cap it all off... it was all caught on videotape.
Ain't nothing like seeing yourself at your absolute worst... Good times,
good times.
It's not definite yet; Mr. Anthony has not said that this is the end, although he has been saying he wants to retire from the strenuous grind he and Gail have been under... He has alluded to the fact then he would like to open with a much smaller operation... Maybe a more limited menu, just appetizers and finger food... Only time will tell.
Let's hope that come fall we will see the little place on the corner of Erato and Barrone open it's doors again and we'll see Mr. Anthony, rested and refreshed, once again serving those little slices of heaven from his kitchen.
------------
I have recently been introduced to a new puzzle rage... Sudoku.
Check it out here... If you are a crossword fan looking for a challenge, or a cryptographer looking to refine your number theory, you need to check out Sudoku...
------------
I'm a little concerned about this... Dell keylogger. Why has the Department of Homeland Security installed a keylogger in your laptop?
------------
Does anyone have a 41' Morgan Out Islander for sale at a reasonable price out there? Let me know.
------------
All right kids... Get to work. TBG out-
First, (and most distressing), the absolute BEST restaurant in New Orleans may be closed/closing. Uglesich's Restraurant, which has been around since 1924 is currently closed for the summer. This is normal, but there have been several articles written earlier this year that have alluded to the permanent closing of this fine establishment.
Pete Oliver introduced me to this little slice of heaven years ago...
Uglesich's is/was located at the corner of Erato & Barrone... Not exactly
what you would call a nice area of town...
As a matter of fact, when we (TWWKMT and I) went there about 11 years ago, we jumped a taxi at the Royal Sonesta Hotel. I told the driver that we wanted to go to Uglesich's... He had no idea what I was talking about. It told him never mind... I want to go to the corner of Erato and Baronne...
"Hey Man... you don' wanna go dere... That ain't no tourist place..." he says.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Dat dere is de' Projects. It ain't safe... Even for a big guy like you. And I cain't believe you takin' your lady there."
"Look... Just take us there. It's cool."
"Well... You de boss. But I'm tellin' you, you gonna want me to take you to someplace else when we get dere."
We went anyway... At that time it wasn't quite so well known. There was no line stretching down the block like there has been in the last 6 or 7 years.
We left the taxi and the driver watched us as we went in the tiny restaurant, shaking his head, sure we were going to be killed, skinned & roasted for dinner...
We spent nearly 2 hours there, sampling the amazing food that Mr. Anthony and his wonderful spouse Gail make. We had the Fried Green Tomatoes with Shrimp and Remoulade, we had Angry Shrimp, we tasted the oyster shooter, and had a shrimp po-boy. The Bar-B-Que oysters and other specialties were all amazing. We washed it all down with tall cold bottles of Chimay beer... Ambrosia!
Mr. Anthony is a prince among men. He tolerated us (Pete, Carl, Elton, Tom & myself) during a drunken trip to LSU for a football game once- An occasion where we roared into the restaurant and terrorized the patrons and scared the tar out of Gail as we tried to order everything on the menu. We had been drinking for hours when we decided we were hungry and headed to the Restaurant. To make a very long, ugly story short- a $300 dollar lunch that went half uneaten because of a simulated bar fight that showered broken glass over all our food; Carl's forehead was sliced open, and Pete nearly fell into the urinal in the bathroom then went outside to perform the vaunted Helicopter Vomit, a triple-snap-in-Z-formation performance if there was ever was one. And to cap it all off... it was all caught on videotape.
Ain't nothing like seeing yourself at your absolute worst... Good times,
good times.
It's not definite yet; Mr. Anthony has not said that this is the end, although he has been saying he wants to retire from the strenuous grind he and Gail have been under... He has alluded to the fact then he would like to open with a much smaller operation... Maybe a more limited menu, just appetizers and finger food... Only time will tell.
Let's hope that come fall we will see the little place on the corner of Erato and Barrone open it's doors again and we'll see Mr. Anthony, rested and refreshed, once again serving those little slices of heaven from his kitchen.
------------
I have recently been introduced to a new puzzle rage... Sudoku.
Check it out here... If you are a crossword fan looking for a challenge, or a cryptographer looking to refine your number theory, you need to check out Sudoku...
------------
I'm a little concerned about this... Dell keylogger. Why has the Department of Homeland Security installed a keylogger in your laptop?
------------
Does anyone have a 41' Morgan Out Islander for sale at a reasonable price out there? Let me know.
------------
All right kids... Get to work. TBG out-
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
The Blues
What is wrong with snot-nosed, left wing, left coast, pinko-commie Californians?
You can beat them over the head with the truth and they will still expound
(at length, and with gusto) their misguided and ingorant position on a
particular subject without any thought that they might be mistaken.
To wit: The Idiot at Fry's Electronics in Anaheim...
On the overhead music in the store someone had put on a blues album...
Really excellent, I might add.
Some instrumental blues- great slide guitar... real tasty stuff. Well... I'm standing in the hardware section looking at various crap (of which they have TONS at Frys) and I hear this idiot comment on the music overhead and how he just loves the blues... Can't get enough of it, etc.
A song comes on that I just happen to know (odd 'cause I don't have a real
deep knowledge of blues, but I do know this one...)- John Mayall's "Catch that Train" which has an awsome harmonica riff at the beginning that starts like a train leaving the station then segues into a fast harp shuffle.
Idjit boy starts to say how John PRINE is the penultimate blues musician of the last 20 years and this tune is a signature piece of Prine's.
Now, I'm not one to correct someone, but as he was expounding for another person's edification, I felt that he needed to at least give accurate information about the subject. I thought he had just gotten the last name wrong (which he had) and would do the old head-slap and say "that's right, John Mayall..." but in retrospect I should have just shut up because this loser was a nightmare with a short fuse...
"Um..." I said, sotto voce "I think you mean John Mayall. John Mayall & The Bluesbreakers. From England."
BluesBoy looked at me like I had just slapped his grandmother.
"Excuse me, sir"...he said, voice dripping with sarcasm and ridicule "That is John Prine. I KNOW my blues! And no Englishman can ever hope to play the blues... It is a physical impossibility!" I never said another word as this bonehead went on a 5 minute tirade about the qualifications to sing the blues and how it was purely an American strain of music, and that no one outside the Mississippi Valley could possibly have the genetic makeup to play The Blues.
The guy he was talking to at one point rolled his eyes back into his head when the Blues Expert wasn't looking, and I nearly blew a blood vessel trying not to laugh out loud.
Don't get me wrong- There are specific qualifications for singing the Blues-
but it has nothing to do with geography. Mayall, Clapton and the boys from England in the late 60's did some awesome stuff...
Women will do you wrong in Paris or Australia, just as they do down in New Orleans...
But it is kind of hard to riff about hard times on the Champs-Elysées or how bad you feel 'cause a truck ran over your wallaby.
My cell phone rang during his oratory, and I politely moved off to take my call in peace...
Upon checkout, they had a display of music CDs for sale, including one the one that was playing... and it was Mayall's "Catch that Train"... and there wasn't anything by John Prine on the CD at all... I really wanted to take the disc and find the jerk and just hand it to him and walk away... but alas, I just left the store with a nasty little smirk on my face... I was right. For once.
(It happens so infrequently that I am very amused when it occurs.)
It might be interesting to discuss the some of the rules for Singing the
Blues...
1. Most blues begin "woke up this morning."
2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you stick
something nasty in the next line:
I got a good woman with the meanest dog in town.
3. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes. Sort of:
Got a good woman
with the meanest dog in town.
He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher
and he weighs about 500 pounds.
4. The blues are not about limitless choice.
5. Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues transportation is Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
6. Teenagers can't sing the blues. Adults sing the blues. Blues adulthood means old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. You can have the blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or Queens. Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota are just a depression. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the best places to have the blues.
8. The following colors do not belong in the blues:
a. violet
b. beige
c. mauve
d. teal
9. You can't have the blues in an office or a shopping mall; the lighting is wrong.
10. Good places for the Blues:
a. the highway
b. the jailhouse
c. the empty bed
Bad places:
a. Ashrams
b. Gallery openings
c. weekend in the Hamptons
11. No one will believe it's the blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old black man.
12. Do you have the right to sing the blues?
Yes, if:
a. your first name is a southern state like Georgia
b. you're blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis.
d. you can't be satisfied.
No, if:
a. you were once blind but now can see.
b. you're deaf
c. you have a trust fund.
13. Neither Julio Iglesias nor Barbra Streisand can sing the blues.
14. If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline, it's the blues. Other blues beverages are:
a. wine
b. Irish whiskey
c. muddy water
Blues beverages are NOT:
a. Any mixed drink
b. Any wine kosher for Passover
c. Yoo Hoo (all flavors)
15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is a blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, or being denied treatment in an emergency room.
It is not a blues death, if you die during a liposuction treatment.
16. Some Blues names for Women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
17. Some Blues Names for Men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Lightning
Persons with names like Sierra or Sequoia will not be permitted to sing the blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
18. Other Blues Names (Starter Kit):
a. Name of Physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Asthmatic)
b. First name (see above) or name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi)
c. Last Name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
Mix and Match
TBG (Tuberculosis Boysenberry Garfield) out-
You can beat them over the head with the truth and they will still expound
(at length, and with gusto) their misguided and ingorant position on a
particular subject without any thought that they might be mistaken.
To wit: The Idiot at Fry's Electronics in Anaheim...
On the overhead music in the store someone had put on a blues album...
Really excellent, I might add.
Some instrumental blues- great slide guitar... real tasty stuff. Well... I'm standing in the hardware section looking at various crap (of which they have TONS at Frys) and I hear this idiot comment on the music overhead and how he just loves the blues... Can't get enough of it, etc.
A song comes on that I just happen to know (odd 'cause I don't have a real
deep knowledge of blues, but I do know this one...)- John Mayall's "Catch that Train" which has an awsome harmonica riff at the beginning that starts like a train leaving the station then segues into a fast harp shuffle.
Idjit boy starts to say how John PRINE is the penultimate blues musician of the last 20 years and this tune is a signature piece of Prine's.
Now, I'm not one to correct someone, but as he was expounding for another person's edification, I felt that he needed to at least give accurate information about the subject. I thought he had just gotten the last name wrong (which he had) and would do the old head-slap and say "that's right, John Mayall..." but in retrospect I should have just shut up because this loser was a nightmare with a short fuse...
"Um..." I said, sotto voce "I think you mean John Mayall. John Mayall & The Bluesbreakers. From England."
BluesBoy looked at me like I had just slapped his grandmother.
"Excuse me, sir"...he said, voice dripping with sarcasm and ridicule "That is John Prine. I KNOW my blues! And no Englishman can ever hope to play the blues... It is a physical impossibility!" I never said another word as this bonehead went on a 5 minute tirade about the qualifications to sing the blues and how it was purely an American strain of music, and that no one outside the Mississippi Valley could possibly have the genetic makeup to play The Blues.
The guy he was talking to at one point rolled his eyes back into his head when the Blues Expert wasn't looking, and I nearly blew a blood vessel trying not to laugh out loud.
Don't get me wrong- There are specific qualifications for singing the Blues-
but it has nothing to do with geography. Mayall, Clapton and the boys from England in the late 60's did some awesome stuff...
Women will do you wrong in Paris or Australia, just as they do down in New Orleans...
But it is kind of hard to riff about hard times on the Champs-Elysées or how bad you feel 'cause a truck ran over your wallaby.
My cell phone rang during his oratory, and I politely moved off to take my call in peace...
Upon checkout, they had a display of music CDs for sale, including one the one that was playing... and it was Mayall's "Catch that Train"... and there wasn't anything by John Prine on the CD at all... I really wanted to take the disc and find the jerk and just hand it to him and walk away... but alas, I just left the store with a nasty little smirk on my face... I was right. For once.
(It happens so infrequently that I am very amused when it occurs.)
It might be interesting to discuss the some of the rules for Singing the
Blues...
1. Most blues begin "woke up this morning."
2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you stick
something nasty in the next line:
I got a good woman with the meanest dog in town.
3. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes. Sort of:
Got a good woman
with the meanest dog in town.
He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher
and he weighs about 500 pounds.
4. The blues are not about limitless choice.
5. Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues transportation is Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
6. Teenagers can't sing the blues. Adults sing the blues. Blues adulthood means old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. You can have the blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or Queens. Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota are just a depression. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the best places to have the blues.
8. The following colors do not belong in the blues:
a. violet
b. beige
c. mauve
d. teal
9. You can't have the blues in an office or a shopping mall; the lighting is wrong.
10. Good places for the Blues:
a. the highway
b. the jailhouse
c. the empty bed
Bad places:
a. Ashrams
b. Gallery openings
c. weekend in the Hamptons
11. No one will believe it's the blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old black man.
12. Do you have the right to sing the blues?
Yes, if:
a. your first name is a southern state like Georgia
b. you're blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis.
d. you can't be satisfied.
No, if:
a. you were once blind but now can see.
b. you're deaf
c. you have a trust fund.
13. Neither Julio Iglesias nor Barbra Streisand can sing the blues.
14. If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline, it's the blues. Other blues beverages are:
a. wine
b. Irish whiskey
c. muddy water
Blues beverages are NOT:
a. Any mixed drink
b. Any wine kosher for Passover
c. Yoo Hoo (all flavors)
15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is a blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, or being denied treatment in an emergency room.
It is not a blues death, if you die during a liposuction treatment.
16. Some Blues names for Women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
17. Some Blues Names for Men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Lightning
Persons with names like Sierra or Sequoia will not be permitted to sing the blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
18. Other Blues Names (Starter Kit):
a. Name of Physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Asthmatic)
b. First name (see above) or name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi)
c. Last Name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
Mix and Match
TBG (Tuberculosis Boysenberry Garfield) out-
Misc BS...
Recognize the psychos....
http://www.malevole.com/mv/misc/killerquiz/
I got 9 out of 10... It takes one to know one... Heh.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
A blast from the past...
I used to read this little jewel back when it was originally
serialized in Heavy Metal magazine back in the late 70's...
The detailed line art is amazing...
Some among us would consider this
Not Safe For Work... You have been warned.
serialized in Heavy Metal magazine back in the late 70's...
The detailed line art is amazing...
Some among us would consider this
Not Safe For Work... You have been warned.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
