So- the Aussie morning news shows in Sydney are all aflutter over B. Hussein Obama's shushing of a camera crew during his oh-so-important press room speech...
"Guys, I can hear you over here." or something of that ilk...
Amazing- he can hear a cameraman whispering on headset from across the room, but when the American people overwhelmingly shout about Obamacare, tax hikes, and gun people control,
the guy is deaf as a #$%^@ing post.
He sounds like a f&%$@*ing petulant narcissist college professor: "Be quiet, I'm trying to teach you something here, plebe."
(Aussie accent deleted for clarity. If you'd like to imagine it in genuine Aussie accent- Imagine Steve Irwin's nasal patter, and drop most Rs from the Aussie part of the conversation.)
SumAussieDude: "Hey Big Guy- I hear a guy got busted 'cause they thought he was gonna shoot up another movie theater. It was in your neck of the woods I think."
TBG (thinking): "Oh sweet baby Jeebus no."
TBG: "Uh. What happened?"
SAD: "Well, turns out he had a sammie (Aussie for "Sandwich"-TBG) in his pants and the folks out in the lot that saw him put there thought it was a shotgun."
TBG: "Really. Wow. Musta been a hell of a sandwich."
SAD: "Yeah- probably had cheese and everything."
TBG: ???
So, a little judicious checking was in order... Sure enough.
"The Epic movie theater multiplex in St. Augustine, FL was evacuated Thursday
after two people called police and reported a man “stuffing something
suspicious down the back of his pants” and that he could have a shotgun.
Approximately a dozen police cars responded to the scene. The
theaters were emptied, the suspect located, but no gun (or any weapon)
was found. Instead, the alleged smuggler admitted to sneaking a large
sub sandwich into the theater."
Really- it made the TV news in fucking AUSTRALIA...
Jeebus H on a gravity board - What the fuck is wrong with people?
Paranoid people are seeing black helicopters and suicide-by-cop gunmen around every corner.
Re-fucking-lax, people.
Take a friggin breath before you dial 911 because you thought you might have seen something...
On Christmas Day I explored a good bit further north from Harrington...
I rode up the beach from Crowdy Head all the way to Diamond Head, winding up on Kylie's Beach.
I was kind of hoping to see Kylie there...
(I mean, the beach is named after her, right?)
Unfortunately, I think it wan named after a different Kylie... The possum in The Fantastic Mr. Fox.
But I digress...
I had my snorkel gear and took a swim out near the rocks near the beach.
No runout there, and saw some great soft corals, lots of cod (grouper), and one small gray nurse shark... I had a great time...
I was fine with the bike down on the firmer sand near the waterline, but when I tried to get out at the 4WD beach access, the sand was too soft for the BMW... Which meant a 18km ride back to Crowdy Head...
The scary part?
I was at the site this afternoon and one of the guy asked if I had been up to Diamond Head.
Yep- told him I'd been snorkeling up there...
"You're lucky mate. Guy got attacked by a shark up there this morning."
Huh?
Watching the news tonight that have been several stories about it...
A surfer has had one finger bitten off and another left hanging by slivers of skin when he tried to fend off a shark which had bitten into his leg while surfing on the NSW mid north coast this morning.
...
The man was treated at the scene by paramedics before being flown by the Westpac rescue chopper to John Hunter Hospital in Newcastle.
Kylie's Beach is an unpatrolled beach and is popular with surfers due to its exposed location and protection from north-easterly winds.
Adam Eady, from the Crowdy Head Surf Life Saving Club, south of the attack site, said beaches from Crowdy Head to Camden Haven to the north had closed as a precautionary measure.
Damn... That dude looks to be in pretty high spirits for someone who just lost a finger or two.
You what THIS would be good on?
A FAT sandwich...
You know the BLT - Bacon, Lettuce & Tomato...
I've been enjoying FAT sammiches-
Feta, Avocado & Tomato.
And if I can find a jar of this stuff I'll be in hawg heaven.
You, you lucky Interweb-enbled shopped can get it here... I shall have to wait a bit longer to acquire a jar of this tasty condiment.
After being on driveabout for a few days, I saw a tiny smattering of this Island and talked to a lot of people... I have two takeaways from this little foray into the wilds.
First- Hey Australia- knock it off with the double Os.
Seems like when they were making up words and naming things, the common consensus was, if one O is good, two will make it better...
You can see it in some of the basic words that have become commonplace in US nomenclature-
Kangaroo, boomerang, cockatoo,etc.
But, man, take a drive in NSW and it seems like they went nuts when it came to buying vowels, especially Os.
Wahroonga, Koloona, Mooney Mooney (Not to be confused with Kangy Angy), Karool, Koolewong, (right next to scenic WoyWoy), Footts Rd., Kooloora, School (no, wait...), Toohey's (A fine beer beeah, I hear heeah.), Cooranbong, Trooting Park Pakh, Wallaroo, Gooreengi, Booral, Boolambayte, Coolongolook (one of my personal favorites), Coopernook, Booti Booti, Goonook, Coorabak, Googly's Lagoon, Boorganna, Woolgoolga, Cooma, and Narooma to name just a few...
Still with me? Good.
Here's another thing-
Where the hell are all Rs going?
I man, they are right there on the sign... but no one here uses 'em.
Beer - pronounced "Beeah", Carins (a city in N Queensland - pronounced "Caans"), Darwin (City in North Territories) is Dah-win, Forster (city in NSW) pronounced Fos-ta.
The last one almost got me in a fight...
"I'll be staying up the other side of Forster." (pronouncing both Rs in the name)
"Forrrsterrrr? Nevah heard of it."
"Past Newcastle- next to Tuncurry."
"Oh.. yer talkin' about Fos-ta. Ha- you heah this guy? Forrrsterrr. Ha ha! Typical yank."
(Under my breath) "You betcher ass, Bruce. This 'typical yank' owns enough firepower to sink this pathetic excuse for a continent tout-flippin'-suite. Keep screwin' with me and see how it all works out, ya buncha intervocalic alveolar flapping and yod-dropping cretins."
I usually have the TV running as I work on my computer or when I'm working on things around the house/hotel room...
Looks like Australia (or at least some of the TV channels) are stuck in the 60s, 70s & 80s..
Tons of really old sitcoms and a few newer but oddball shows...
Just a few I remember off the top of my head are Get Smart, Charlie's Angels, Brady Bunch, McGyver, M*A*S*H, Hogan's Heroes, Green Acres, and VIP.
VIP, Oh my gawd what a horrible piece of shit, and I'll wager VIP is where 90% of congresscritters get their idea of how guns and shooting works....
The funniest show I've seen lately was an episode of McGyver with an exceptionally young Teri Hatcher as the damsel in distress...
Jeebus- those shows were awful... Damn near bad as most of today's programming...
Since I'm still wandering the wilds of Oz, here's Tom Waits' variation on Waltzing Matilda...
Wasted and wounded, it ain't what the moon did,
I've got what I paid for now
See you tomorrow,
hey Frank, can I borrow
a couple of bucks from you
To go waltzing Mathilda, waltzing Mathilda,
You'll go waltzing Mathilda with me
I'm an innocent victim of a blinded alley
And I'm tired of all these soldiers here
No one speaks English,
and everything's broken,
and my Stacys are soaking wet
To go waltzing Mathilda, waltzing Mathilda,
You'll go waltzing Mathilda with me
Now the dogs are barking and the taxi cab's parking
A lot they can do for me
I begged you to stab me,
you tore my shirt open,
And I'm down on my knees tonight
Old Bushmill's I staggered,
you'd bury the dagger
In your silhouette window light go
To go waltzing Mathilda, waltzing Mathilda,
You'll go waltzing Mathilda with me
Now I lost my Saint Christopher now that I've kissed her
And the one-armed bandit knows
And the maverick Chinamen,
and the cold-blooded signs,
And the girls down by the strip-tease shows, go
Waltzing Mathilda, waltzing Mathilda,
You'll go waltzing Mathilda with me
No, I don't want your sympathy, the fugitives say
That the streets aren't for dreaming now
And manslaughter dragnets
and the ghosts that sell memories,
They want a piece of the action anyhow
Go waltzing Mathilda, waltzing Mathilda,
You'll go waltzing Mathilda with me
And you can ask any sailor, and the keys from the jailor,
And the old men in wheelchairs know
And Mathilda's the defendant,
she killed about a hundred,
And she follows wherever you may go
Waltzing Mathilda, waltzing Mathilda,
You'll go waltzing Mathilda with me
And it's a battered old suitcase to a hotel someplace,
And a wound that will never heal
No prima donna the perfume is on an
Old shirt that is stained with blood and whiskey
And goodnight to the street sweepers,
the night watchmen flame keepers
And goodnight to Mathilda, too
7:00 PM Christmas night...
I'm sitting outside the Harrington Waters Public Library scarfing their WiFi... And it just started raining... Damn, gonna get wet heading back 'home'....
Look close...
There is a huge-ass goanna in the tree. "Goanna" is Australian for "lizard that will bite and claw the s#!+ out of you if you mess with it.".
Goannas are all over places like this:
Best way to avoid the goannas...
Ride on the beach! Woo hoo!
The sport looks pretty straight forward, I think...
A guy flings a ball to try to knock a stick down.
A dude with a canoe paddle tries to bat the ball away...
There is some running that happens when the batter gets a good whack on the ball.
When the ball gets hit, one of the guys in the field tries to catch it.
Jeebus Pete! Have you every felt a cricket ball? It's a heavy, firm ball with a hard cover and a line of exposed stitches...
The poor bastards in the field have to catch that little red bastard, and they have to do it barehanded... Yowza.
"There are 3 grabbers, 3 taggers, 5 twig-runners, and the player at whack-bat. Center tagger lights a pinecone and chucks it over the basket. The
whack-batter tries to hit the cedar stick off the cross-rock. the
twig-runners dash back and forth until the pinecone burns out and the
umpire calls 'hotbox.' then find out out however many score-downs that
adds up to and divide that by 9."
You have a choice to exercise you 2nd amendment rights, and you are using those rights to ensure the safety of yourself and your family...
Consider Australia: For a place that has, for all intents and purposes, outlawed and confiscated all firearms there are reports of shootings every day in newspapers and the news programs...
Every. Damned. Day.
Wh..wh..What?!
If some poor bastard here Down Under wants to practice his self-defense skills it's pretty damn hard...
Stand in a well-lit room and limber up-
Toe-touches, jumping jacks, maybe some push-ups...
Ok- now you're ready.
Start with your hands at your sides, then pull the iPod earphones out of your ears.
Raise you hands above you head, palms out.
Practice this movement until you can do it smoothly without scaring your assailant. No sudden movements. He probably has his finger on the bang switch...
The four rules are not for him...
Practice pulling your wallet out and throwing it on the ground in front of you. Again, slow and deliberate. No surprises.
Another move you can practice -
With you hands in the 'surrender' position, practice dropping to your knees, hands on your head, fingers interlaced.
In this position, you can lean forward and then lay face-down, as the assailant decides whether to rob you, or rob you AND shoot you...
The next move you can work on has a couple variations-
The primary move is to get your mobile phone out of your pocket and dial 911 (or whatever the local equivalent is).
Variation one- getting the phone out of your pocket after you're relatively sure the assailant is gone- move slowly so in case he's still around you won't be the recipient of a 9mm round from an 'accidental discharge'...
(Remember- when most of these choirboys get caught after shooting someone, they always say that the shooting was accidental, that he didn't intend to shoot, the gun just went off.)
The other variation to practice is getting your cell phone out and dialing 911 while holding pressure on a gunshot wound to your abdomen or chest.
Alternatively- if you have a partner you can practice with, simulate holding pressure to a wound on your partner, while getting you phone out and dialing.
The other part of self-defense to practice is the telephone etiquette with the 911 operator- Be clear and concise, no crying; Try not gasp or groan, since this will unnerve the operator. Be exact when giving directions of where the operator should send the police, ambulance or coroner's wagon...
Hope this helps you out...
TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE
*Trivia:
Kings Cross in Sydney is the red light district.
59 Kings
Cross is one of the oldest brothels in the city...or was it that they
have the oldest hookers in the city? I forget. But-
Coincidence? I think not.
Do you have a firearm that you have purchased for home protection, but are not comfortable with your ability to safely maintain, load and fire it?
Uncle Jay would be glad to help.
If you've never shot a firearm or would like an introduction into shooting sports, just let me know.
I can arrange range time and can give you practical assistance in learning about guns, or help you with your personal protection firearm.
Always remember the 5 rules:
1. Always treat a firearms as if it is loaded.
2. Never point a firearm at anyone or anything that you do not intend to kill or destroy.
3. Keep your finger off the trigger until you are ready to shoot.
4. Know your target and what is beyond the target.
5. Don't be a dick.
You can violate one of the rules and you might survive; If you break two of the rules, someone could be hurt or killed.
Violate the 5th rule and the person hurt or killed will probably be you.
Always remember: You are personally responsible for anything that happens while a gun is in your hands.
Ex Libiris
People who should have better judgement than to be following a subversive bastard like Yours Truly
An abecedarian look at Doctor Who alien deaths...
