A Woman Goes to the Doctor Worried About Her Husband's Temper

The Doctor: "What's the problem?
The Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."
Doc: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down.”

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

TW: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"
Doc: "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick".

TBG - Exit, pursued by a angry woman with a mouthful of water.

More Annoying Shit - Semantics and Associated Items

More words and phrases that make me want to punch you:

Impactful
Synergy
"Let's unpack this..."
"Don't you worry about ____. I'll take care of _____."
Agile
"Will it scale/Is it scalable?"
Proactive.
"Let's not boil the ocean here..."
Bandwidth
Reach out
Put a pin in that...
Let. That. Sink. In.
Optics
My ask is...

Using the term Porn for non-pornographic things...

• Food Porn
• Nature Porn
• Building Porn
• Pressure Washing Porn

Been looking at too much Twitter...
This is something that feels rude and annoying...

People 👏that 👏add 👏clap 👏emojis 👏thinking 👏it 👏makes 👏their 👏point👏 stronger




When I see this it has the same effect as clapping their hands in my face, which would earn you the opportunity to carry your teeth in your pocket on the way to the emergency room.


TBG - - Exit, pursued by flamingos

Tired of It: First in a (probably long) Series

Any of several random encounters with other employees and Tampons* ending with salutation:

"Thanks! Appreciate you!"

 Ugh.

 TBG - Cringing.
 *Tampons - People who live in Tampa.

Burning the Two-Ended Candle

Long set of days here at the Arena-By-The-Bay

We had Rod Stewart and Cyndi Lauper in the building last night, and today we are loading Paul McCartney's show. He's on stage tomorrow night.

Right after that we will have Roger Waters of Pink Floyd fame playing on Tuesday night...

(Word is that the show, especially the 2nd half, is offensively anti-Trump. Which ought to be interesting in a town where they booed Amy Schumer off the stage for her political screed when she played here last fall. Thinks will be interesting on Tuesday night. Film at 11, kids.)

I have a full plate of tech upgrades, installs, and other "off season" technology tasks for Wed, Thurs & Friday, then Saturday we have (Ghod help us) New Kids on the Block, Paula Abdul and Boys II Men.

Sunday will be the stressful day, though- I have to make a little trip to Miami that morning.
Back that night, but the activities will be blog-worthy I'm sure. Stay tuner for that.

Current events:

Riding my motorcycle in Tampa is an adventure...
I have to say, there are more idiots driving and texting here than anywhere else I have seen.
I cannot count the number of lights I have missed because some asshole is testing at a red light and fails to notice that the light has changed and is still nose-to-the-screen, thumbs deep in his latest tweet about the latest SJW activity or where he buys his sustainable-sourced hair product or what color his last bowel movement was...
My often-heard-around-downtown admonishment "Stop texting and drive, Motherfucker!" can be heard echoing through the concrete canyons of Cigar City...
He finally starts to move as the light turns yellow...

I had one of the girls from our Partnership group stop me in the hallway-

Girl from Partnership: "Uh... You have quite colorful language when you're driving, don't you?" 

Yours Truly: "You probably heard me making a friendly reminder to some asshat who doesn't understand that when you're behind the wheel of a 2000lb vehicle, you have only one job: Driving.
Not texting, not talking on the phone, not eating, not reading a book, and definitely not putting on makeup."

GFP: "Yeah, I saw you coming down Channelside the other morning and could hear you yelling at the car in front of you. Something about shoving his cell phone so far up his ass he'd have to use his appendix to type out his next Facebook update?" 

YT: "Hmmm. I remember that... Wow, you heard all that? I was a bit ticked..." 

GFP: "To say the least. 

Great. Getting a reputation already. Lovely.



TBG - -Exit, pursued by a Tampon 

I Like My Coffee...

...Like I like my women.

I used to reply to the common waitress query "How would you like your coffee?" with the old, tired cliché "Like my women: Hot & Sweet, just like you."
Such flirtation would usually ease the sting when I would falsify a complaint about her to the manager then skip out on the bill, but that's another post completely.
For a bit my reply was "I like it like my ex-wife - Cold & Bitter."
Good times, good times.

Now days the coffee condition comparison has been pushed to an art...

I like my coffee like I like my women:

• Ground up and in the freezer.
• Venezuelan and stuffed in a bag.
• Tied up in a burlap sack and thrown over a donkey.
• Ground up and in a burlap sack
• Tied up and thrown into the back of a van by a Colombian
• Cheap and found at the 7-11.
• Hot & Bitter
• Cold & Bitter
• Black, bitter, and preferably free trade (Thanks Dr. Kreiger)
• Dark and frothing with cream
• Hot and in the kitchen
• From the corner and less than $2.
• Colombian and mashed into powder (no, wait... Different product*)
• Quiet
• WITHOUT ANOTHER MANS DICK IN THEM ANNABEL YOU FUCKING WHORE.
• Foreign and shipped to America in crates
• Black and without a penis
• Black and full of whiskey
• Warm, wet, bitter, tasty, slightly addictive, ready first thing in the morning, and free
• No pubic hair
• Hot, sweet and covered in whipped cream
• Milky white, not hot anymore, and lacking enough artificial sweetness to mask the essential bitterness
• Irish and stinking of whiskey
• A little hot, a little gross and picked up at the gas station in the middle of the night
• Picked prematurely, tied up, stuffed in a burlap sack and smuggled over the border at night
• Black and rich
• Over priced and sustainably sourced
• Cuban and stronger than me
• Blonde with low self esteem
• Pale, bitter, and frigid
• Shallow and full of cream
• Flat white
• Exported for an extremely low price from third world countries
• Tossed out on the side of the freeway
• Dark as night and sweet as sin
• Hot, black and with a penguin
• Surrounded by styrofoam and heated to a boil
• Completely full and not asking "What do you want to do for dinner?"
• Dumped out in a parking lot when it becomes cold
• I don't care if it's black or white, as long as it's sweet enough to go down easily  
  
  A couple winners for the commuter crowd:
• Steaming hot and all over my lap while driving
  
  or it's cousin-
  
• Short, Columbian, and smoking hot all over my junk.
  
  or just-
  
• Down the front of my pants

*Bonus comparison: I like my cocaine how I like my women. White and diced up with a razor blade.


TBG - Exit - pursued by Juan Valdez and his burro. (You kids will have to Google that one on Bing.)

Yes, I'm Still Alive.

Busy (and about as graceful) as a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest...

So, a while back I was getting chastized because I hadn't updated the ol' Blog in a while, so I sat down and dashed off the following, but never got around to publishing it...
After several inquiries from Constant Readers, I guess the word around the campfire is that I have shuffled off my mortal coil and joined the bleedin' choir invisible...
Sorry, no.
Please see the somewhat dated post below to give you a cross section of Uncle Jay in Tampa Bay...
----

I know. Silence is golden.

(Random thought: Get a Golden Retriever and name it Silence in order to have a bad pun on hand at all times... Probably not an original thought... Let me check... Nope.)

So I've been a little quiet...

Basically I've been swamped with my new job that it's difficult to dedicate the time required to put together a good blog post...

Famous the St.Ass was down here in Tampa last week; He took a few minutes out of our visit to chastise me for my lack of posting.

Basically I don't have too much to complain about- (workwise, that is-

I could go on and on about The Aggrieved Left and their participation trophy mentality).

I also don't spend too much time sitting in airports (one of my go-to spots for blogging) so my usual writing location is unavailable.

When I'm at my desk (typically 7:30a to 9:00p or as late as 11:30p on a game/concert night) I'm heads-down on licensing, budgeting, staff schedules, surveys, documentation, research or resource evaluation...

Blogging? Ain't nobody got time for dat.

I do try to keep up with other blogs, (living vicariously through Tam, OldNFO, Roberta, Borepatch, McThag, Robb, and the rest of the Usual Suspects.

At best I throw a pic up on Instagram now and then... (Follow me at Gojira15 if you'd like.)

But, so much bullshit in the last few weeks from the Political maelstrom...

I find it so humorous that the Left has such short and selective memories.

For the last eight years it's been "shut up, we won, deal with it" and Dissent is Racist, and now it's all Not My President, Dissent is Patriotic, and Electoral College is BS- Majority Vote Rules!

The Democratic sure loved the Nuke option in the Senate back when they had control...

Now, of course it's un-American to utilize their tools against them...

And the Trump Derangement is thick and heavy.

So much angst from The Aggrieved Left.

So, a few bullet points:

• Gosh. He actually made promises, people voted for him, and now he's keeping his promises? UnPossible.

• It's funny how most major "news" organizations are now "opinion" organizations.

• So-called News organizations report "facts" that are spun and written so contextually misleading so they can be called facts, when the actual narrative is pure bullshit.

• Celebrities should just shut up about politics.
  FTMF.

• The Media (and by association the unwashed, illiterate Aggrieved Left) will focus on one sentence that can be misinterpreted or spun as incorrect, and thus call out *everything* Trump or his Spox says as complete lies and falsehoods.
  (Apparently they just learned to read after November 9th 2016. Where the fuck was this so-called fact checking 2008-2016?)

• Does the Media (& The Aggrieved Left) understand the difference between "Health Care" and "Health Care Insurance Coverage"?
  No one is taking health care away from anyone. Stop being scare mongers.

And on the same note-

• All the Planned Parenthood supporters that are up in arms... stop lying to yourself and others about what goes on there and just fund that crap yourself... no one is talking about overturning Roe vs. Wade.

• And still on the same note- no one in the Trump Admin says "No Immigrants".
  What they are saying is "Hold up a sec so we can get some *effective* safety checks in place IF YOU ARE COMING FROM SPECIFIC LOCATIONS OF PROVEN RISK.
  Immigrants are fine IF EVERYONE PLAYS BY THE SAME RULES.
  (By the way- Go have a peek at oh-so-enlightened Australia or even Canada for some hugely stringent immigration rules.
  Hint: Most asshole celebrities who bragged about moving to Canada or elsewhere wouldn't qualify... But Trump supporters probably would...but that's another blog post.)

• Popular vote vs Electoral College and Illegal Alien voting.
  The Media (and the Aggrieved Left) love to call out President Trump and his Minions about the popular vote levels and ridicule them for talking about vote fraud (illegals voting, dead people voting, multi-voting...etc).
  Problem is that the Left is usually in charge of the voting precincts where the fraud happens, and they'll never be straight about getting it corrected.
  Case in point- the final election results in South Florida were held up for HOURS in order to keep Florida from being called for Trump and thus altering the turnout in the western states as things were going south for Hillary.
  The Left kept point out that with Florida still a toss up it was important to motivate every John and Jane (or more likely Juan and Juanita) to pull the election out of the crapper for Clinton.
  
• And they are Illegal Aliens, not undocumented workers. If you broke immigration law coming here, you're a criminal. Fuck you, go back and come back in through proper channels. And take your anchor babies (regardless of age) with you. FTMF.

• Build the fucking wall.
  
• Tampa Lefty media employs so many strawmen in their news opinion stories that they need to be audited for their employment practices.

• The Aggrieved Left needs to embrace "Good for goose, good for the gander" concept, except it would be construed as sexist, as opposed to equality-seking as the phrase was originally intended.
  
• Thank Ghod I don't travel like I used to. If one of these spontaneous protests had caused me to miss a flight, I would definitely be on the local (and perhaps national) news, and a number of protesters would get the unique experience of riding in a ambulance with broken bones and their teeth in their pockets.
  
• I wouldn't have Steve Spicer's job for all the tea in India.
  Steve Spicer: "I love puppies and the sky is blue."
  Media/Aggrieved Left: "Trump hates Kittens and is ignorant of atmospheric science because Spox Spicer touts confusing narrative that defames Migrant Muslim."

So, moving on.

I'll try to keep the ice cream machine stocked a little more often...
It all depends in how much ass needs kicking around here, and how much my ass gets kicked.

TBG - - Livin' the dream in Tampa

TinderDog Profiles - 13

TinderDog Profiles - 12

TinderDog Profiles - 11

Shut Up. Just Shut Up. Please.

...you're fucking up my coffee break.

Sitting at the counter at my diner in Tampa, and this moron a couple stools down is going on and on to his hipster buddy about his aversion to capital punishment and how Trump is going to swing all states back to pro-death-penalty status.
Not that this is a bad thing, but his explanation on WHY he is opposed to it just torqued me a bit...
He cited his religious objections as grounds for opposition.

"The 10 commandments, Dude. Number 6- Thou shalt not kill. That's why it's wrong."

Jeebus spare me from ignorant bible thumpers...
Step away from your KJV, asshat, and find a more accurate translation.
Murder is the term used in the Hebrew is lo tirtsah- definitely murder.
There is no biblical prohibition on killing- as a matter of fact, the Bible, especially the old testament- that thing is just dripping with justified homicide...
So shut up, moron. 
Find a different way to justify your precious snowflake feelings that doesn't involve a poor translation of the Pentateuch...

And there is a good chance Trump is going to step on his dick, but refrain from speculating on extreme impossibilities...
The universal death penalty for minor infractions, starting a global thermonuclear war, shit like that...
The stuff keeping 13-year-old progressives (or the progressive parents of impressionable teenagers) up at night...
Gosh, if we only had a system of checks and balances to keep a out of control despot from blowing up the Earth...
Oh, wait a sec...

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

TinderDog Profiles - 10

Merry Christmas

To all my Constant Readers and others, A very merry Christmas...

 In the past 20 years I've spent about 2/3rds of them somewhere other than my home.

Early years at IDS/SMT I was almost always at the NBA Christmas Day games... Occasionally I would be home for Christmas eve and morning, but catching a flight to setup for other events like Winter Classic or on the way to Oz, or like the last 4 years actually IN Oz for the holidays.

Now I'm in Tampa for a majority of my time, but I did make it back home for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day but I’m heading back to Cigar City on Monday...

 One thing about being responsible for all the IT/technical elements of the arena (as opposed to only for one event in the building) is that on most issues USED to be what we referred to (ironically) as TAMPA- 'That Ain't My Problem, Asshole'...

 Now, it's my building, it's *all* my problem.
TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

TinderDog Profiles - 9

TinderDog Profiles - 8

TinderDog Profiles - 7

Style. I Haz It.

At the new job, most days the dress code is business casual.

But -

Game night...  Suits required.

Gotta make another run to Shanghai for more suits.
Mine are suitable for bodyguard duty or funerals, as a rule.

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Elections... Decisions, Decisions

Over the weekend I was in a discussion regarding the election. While I wasn't thrilled with Trump as a whole, in my book it was no contest when I entered the voting booth (figuratively speaking, of course).

We were discussing how it really was not a hard decision in the end for me to cast my vote...
And in reflection, it never has been, at least for me.
But... Shouldn't the decision be close?
Shouldn't it be the best of the best of both sides?

I mean, let's look at the choices I have faced when I went to vote:

1980  Reagan / Carter  - Easy decision - Carter was a horrible failure as President. FTMF
1984  Reagan / Mondale - No problem - No reason to think about changing the administration.
1988  Bush / Dukakis - Easy - Dukakis couldn't compete with GHWB's election machine.
1992  Clinton / Bush - Never even thought about voting for Clinton.
1996  Clinton / Dole - Dole was not my first choice, but he didn't make my skin crawl like it did when I heard Clinton (either one) speak.
2000  Bush / Gore - Easy choice, after listening to the man-bear-pig speak.
2004  Bush / Kerry - No problem pulling the lever for Bush.
2008  McCain / Obama - I saw through the smoke and mirrors early. No thought of voting Obama.
2012  Romney / Obama - Even more resolute about the choices.
2016  Trump / Clinton - Not even a tiny thought of giving her a chance to carry out her grand plan of fucking up the country even more than Obama already has.

Seriously- shouldn't we expect better candidates? Shouldn't it be difficult to choose because both should have great potential to do good for the WHOLE country, not just special interests?

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

TinderDog Profiles - 6

TinderDog Profiles - 5

TinderDog Profiles - 4

TinderDog Profiles - 3

TinderDog Profiles - 2

TinderDog Profiles - 1

On The Left Coast -

...The left coast of Florida, that is...

I've been busy as the proverbial paper hanger since I arrived here in Tampa...
Folks in the arena have been very welcoming, and I'm doing my best not to scare anyone unnecessarily. At least not my co-workers. My vendors are a different story.
I've had a come-to-Jeebus meeting or two with Brighthouse and another vendor who think that it's a good idea to come to the Arena on a game night under the pretense of "preventative maintenance" or to be on hand "just in case" and hang out in the suite level or the club level and watch the game.
Wrong.
They could get away with that shit under the previous regime- but no more.
FTMF

So... Last week was the company Holiday party-
The Woman Who Knows Most Things came down for the festivities- as always, she was a delight, and her very presence increased my social standing at the company through her charm and personality.
Interesting to note- We were sitting with my boss & his wife, our in-house network engineer (stag), our marketing Exec VP & his wife.
There were 3 or 4 empty chairs at the table when we went up to the buffet, and when we came back the CEO (Mr. Griggs) and VP of Corporate and Community Affairs - Dave Andreychuk followed us to the table and sad down with us to eat. Dave was the team captain when the Lightning won the Stanley Cup in 2004.

This is Dave...
Seems he spent some time down in Marathon during the beginning of lobster season this year- 
He, Mr. Griggs and I talked Keys fishing & diving, and we all talked about kids, our own and others...

During the party I opined that in my former position I didn't lack for fresh air and (occasionally) sunshine as many of my events were golf or tennis tournaments, and thus outdoor work kept me in Vitamin D and that now I would need to guard against the standard IT Manager's pallor by making sure I got outside - preferably near the beach, as often as our schedule would permit.

The day AFTER the holiday party I made the trip back to Jacksonville with The Woman to pick up my motorcycle, or as she calls it - my Japanese girlfriend, and bring it back to Tampa.

Now, suitably equipped for getting outside and into touring mode I headed out on Sunday morning...
No sense in overdoing it, I headed just a few blocks, over to the Blind Tiger in Ybor for a cortadito and to read the local fish wrapper.
 


After the tiny glass of carbon con Leche, I headed west eventually hitting Clearwater Beach, then turned south.
As I headed down the Beaches I made note of several likely spots that held the promise of adult beverages, served in questionable conditions, probably by some nefarious people, for exorbitant prices. Just my kind of places.
After a long midday ride I crossed back from the Beaches into the lovely community of Pasadena,  and finally stopped at Ted Peters Smoked Fish restaurant- famed in several Food TV mentions as a foodie destination.

AND they weren't kidding- if you like smoked fish, you'd love this place...

I had a lovely dish of smoked fish dip... Ambrosia.
 
Folks sitting near me indulged in smoked salmon, smoked mullet, smoked mackerel, and one Airedale had a tasty-looking (not smoked) burger.
My server Chris tempted me with a taste of their hot German potato salad. I was, however, able to maintain my will power and didn't put in for a side order of it- trying to conserve caloric intake as much as possible.

I was back on two wheels shortly thereafter- it looked like some ominous weather approaching from the South so I eschewed the scenic route and took I-275 back to Downtown Tampa, arriving back a my humble abode just before the rain began to fall...

A little 100 mile jaunt around the Tampa- Clearwater- St. Pete communities...

Not a bad way to spend a Sunday...

TBG - - Livin' the Dream

For What it's Worth - Refugees, Emigration & Immigration

Just my humble opinion on packing up and getting out...

÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷

Nope.
Not doing it...

I just wrote a rambling screed about people fleeing so-called tyrrany; Moronic celebs talking big and then not following through, then countering with my oh-so-brief thoughts in 2008 of living on a sailboat off the coast of South America to escape Obama's Folly...
And any discussion of refugees needs to touch on the Great Middle East Diaspora and the backdoor invasion or Europe.

The whole thing went from a 2-paragraph opinion piece to a 4 page lecture on refugees, Emigration, sleeper agents, patriotism and history if Sandbox Countries.

When my thumbs started cramming from writing I saved the draft and did a wikiwander on Syria, Lebanon and other garden spots in the ME...
I came up for air 30 minutes later....
Jeebus.
Listen to Uncle Jay... if you haven't done any recent serious reading on the history and situations in the ME, and are relying on the Rand McNally maps from your junior high school years,  go do some research. Especially on the historical aspects...
I deleted several pages of foolscap that no one (not even me) would have enjoyed reading.
Instead of wasting time here, go edumacate yo'sef.
Start with Wikipedia, and if you read the US news sites take them with a grain if salt.  Don't shun BBC and some of the Aussie stuff. And some of the smaller blog that try to provide "Understanding the Syrian Civil War for Dummies" actually have some interesting points to make.
'Nuff said.
Someday I'll write a coherent screed about it, and try to keep it under 2000 words.
÷÷÷÷÷

TBG - moving out

Entitlement: Not Just For The Underprivledged Any More

Sitting in 'upscale' diner in Hyde Park, waiting to go look at a shoebox in a retention pond at 10am.

A well-dressed woman is picking up a togo order at the counter...
Looking at her ticket she has a hissy fit that her 2 eggs and turkey sausage to go is $11.
WDW: "When I eat here Delores (another waitress I guess) always rings them up separately so its only $4.00."
Manager explains that although the other waitress was violating restaurant policy, he would make an exeception and ring her up that way, but moving forward they would have to go by SOP.
Woman continues to have a meltdown, customer is always right, such poor customer service,  how can you possibly expect to stay in business...yadda yadda yadda.
The dude is a testament to diplomacy and tact- took the entire tirade in stride. Sorry you feel that way, and we do appreciate your business,  have a nice day.
I'm wondering if Delores will be getting a talking-to... I know places where she'd be getting her walking papers.

I like to think I'd have voided her charge, grabbed her Styrofoam box and pitched it in the trash and bade her Good Day, Madam. I said Good Day!

But probably not...

TBG-

Housing Market is Scary

Damn.
Been out of the market for 20+ years.
I didnt realize how bad getting reasonably priced accommodations was getting...

Places in my price range are either geographically undesirable  (too far of a commute for my blood pressure) or are just a shithole in general...

And if it is somewhat close to Downtown, and it isn't insanely overpriced, the neighborhood is bad.
Like really bad.
Like I'd walk down dark streets in NYC with $20 bills hanging out of my pockets just for excitement, and in these places I would need to be fully-armed - defcon 1 - condition red locked and loaded just to walk to (whats left of) my car every morning.

Yikes.

TBG - Apartment Hunter

Moving On...

From my AMF letter to the other employees at my (former) employer.
÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷

Yes- I Am Moving On…
(Stick with me here… It’s long but it should be worth it.)

As (the big boss) said, it is with mixed emotions that I am leaving…

The 20 years I spent here at the company were amazing- Working here taught me a nearly infinite number of lessons:

Many technical skills, project management, problem solving, diplomacy, how to get an alligator out of a hotel bathtub and many more life skills.

I have a section in the old company policy handbook dedicated just to me… Talk about a legacy.

I have gone to interesting places and events and been called upon to fill many roles over my tenure...

Golf events like the Masters, PGA Champs, USGA Events, CPC and many more;
Tennis such as the US Open, China Open, the French Open- where I nearly destroyed a pair of servers singlehandedly, Kazan Russia, Miami Open/Lipton and Sydney, but never Wimbledon or Indian Wells, thank Ghod.
Countless NBA Events from All Star ’97 in Cleveland to the Finals to Global Games in Guangzhou China…
NHL Events like the Winter Classic in 2008- an outdoor game in Buffalo NY, All Star games, Stanley Cup Finals over several years. Also a 6 month on-site contract that grew into a 13-month slog through every arena in the country several times installing waves of new equipment.
Multisport Events like the Olympics (Salt Lake, Athens, Torino, Beijing, Vancouver, London, Sochi and Rio all left some scars;  Goodwill Games were also a specialty- New York in ’98 was…interesting, as was Brisbane Australia in 2001- Especially since the games ended on September 10th, and the next day The World Changed courtesy of al-Queda.

I’ve wedged my size-13 ass into size-10 seats on airplanes for countless flights…
I’ve been on a flight with only 3 other people on a United 757-200, and I’ve been shoe-horned into a middle seat in the back of a fully-packed Japan Air Lines 747- a plane designed around the average Japanese passenger- not a 6’5” 300lb Ogre… Not a pretty sight. 

When it comes to hotel rooms I’ve been in all manner of rooms at every major chain from Marriot to Starwood/Sheratons, to Comfort Inns and LaQuinta Inns – and as Rallis would tell you, “La Quinta” translates to “Next to Dennys”…

I’ve been quartered in a Russian bordello, a Chinese Jìyuan, a by-the-hour capsule hotel in Saitama Japan after missing the last train to Tokyo, but I’ve also stayed in luxury hotels in Beverly Hills and at the Four Seasons in Tokyo- where the bathroom was the size of the average Marriott hotel room.

I’ve driven forklifts, lulls, cars, pick-ups, and a rowboat while on the job. I went cross-country in the old company #2 box truck – where the sound level inside the cab was 90+ decibels and it would only go 62 miles per hour. Downhill. With the wind.
And the capper- in October 2001, while on a site survey for the nascent NBA Development League, I was on a trip from Jax, to Mobile AL, to Columbus GA, Charleston, Greenville SC, Ashville, Fayetteville NC, Roanoke VA and up to the NBA offices in New Jersey. While on this trip (on my motorcycle) I wound up behind a pig truck in southern Georgia, and  in order to provide service to our client and enhance value by going above-and-beyond, I was required to be covered in a shower of pig snot, pig slobber, pig earwax, pig shit, pig semen and pig urine, essentially causing me to throw away half of my wardrobe that I had on the 8-day trip.

This, as they say, is Taking One For The Team…a/k/a The Pig Truck Story

I’ve endured a lot over my tenure with The Company, and conversely, the company has endured a lot from me.

(See comment regarding the TBG section of the company policy manual.)

Over my tenure I have traveled, worked, drank, dined and broken laws with countless other company staff members;

Working with other staff at events was always one of the best parts of the job, especially the new, young impressionable idealists that want to set the event world on fire. (Figuratively speaking of course…).

It’s always nice to be an influence on our new staff- it’s not necessarily always being a ‘good influence’… Sometimes all you can do is be a cautionary tale, or at worst, a horrible warning to others…

And it’s not all work…
Probably some of my favorite (and most painful) memories are the “Career Development seminars” that we held down in the Dry Tortugas…

Great food, sunburns, fishing, adult beverages… and…uh… Well... the Law Enforcement Ranger that visited our campsite at 1:00am starting his lecture with the words-“We’ve had some complaints…” would be a good indicator of the Inebriation Quotient.
You know what they say- Work hard, Play Hard.

Let me try one last time to be a good influence-

Listen to your Uncle Jay:
·        Communicate with your project manager promptly and clearly.
·        Label everything.
·        If you’re done with something, put it away.
·        Put the damn cart on charge at the end of the day.
·        Never let a laptop, piece of electronic equipment or software program know you are in a hurry.
·        If it’s broken, either label it, fix it or throw it away.
·        Don’t run with scissors.
·        If you arrive early enough parking isn’t a problem.
·        Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
·        Leave early for the airport.
·        Use the right tool for the job.
·        Don’t piss off Susan.
·        Do your expense report on time.
·        Carry the message to Garcia.
·        Take the time during your event travel to enjoy the city you are working in. (I suggest going early, rather than staying after the event is over.)
·        You can never put too much butter and garlic on escargot.
·        If everything seems to be going well, you have overlooked something critical.
·        Put your name tag on your luggage.
·        There is a time to be looking at your smartphone. Use good sense while on the job regarding this topic.
·        If you wouldn’t say it to your Grandmother or clergy, don’t say it on the radio.
·        Never mix plaids with stripes.
·        A dead cart battery is nature’s way of telling you to slow down.
·        You are not Superman. Go find someone to help you with that box, cable, rack or angry bartender.
·        Always store beer in a dark place.
·        If a cable has one end, it has another.
·        The man who knows “how” will always have a job. The man who knows “why” will always be his boss.
              

I’m heading to Tampa FL and a new job.
I can be reached at my old mobile number  and at (email) beginning next Wednesday 11/16.
And of course http://www.listen2unclejay.com/ will continue to be updated at odd intervals.

Take care of business, and take care of each other.

With my kindest and most heartfelt regards-

TBG

Ponderables: Election Results 2016

One wonders how the Obama Administration is not going to let this crisis go to waste...?

Wow.

Holy crap...

Well... its all over but the shouting...

Things are really going to get interesting now.

TBG