Tuesday, May 27, 2008

STFU Award

From a speech yesterday, Memorial Day, in New Mexico...



It's in the first 10 seconds:

"On this Memorial Day, as our nation honors its unbroken line of fallen heroes -- and I see many of them in the audience here today -- our sense of patriotism is particularly strong."
Hey, dumbass... you seeing dead people now?
Well, I guess since you're from Chicago you'll follow the long-standing Illinois tradition of having the dead people voting for you too...

Of course, the Glowbama campaign would have you believe that their man doesn't make mistakes...

Abracadabra!

Obama '08

No more screw up.

Powerful man... He can raise the dead and change the past.

For all this... Obama gets this week's Shut The Fuck Up Award.


TBG out-

Monday, May 26, 2008

I'm tired tired tired of these assholes...

Buckle up, Constant Readers... I spent 4 hours in Pittsburgh International and Charlotte International Airports yesterday watching Fox News and reading conservative websites...



"Most of what Congress is constitutionally authorized to spend for is listed in Article I, Section 8 of the Constitution and includes: coining money, establish Post Offices, to support Armies and a few other activities. Today’s federal budget is over $3 trillion dollars. I challenge anyone to find specific constitutional authority for at least $2 trillion of it. That includes Social Security, Medicare, farm and business handouts, education, prescription drugs and a host of other federal expenditures. Americans who have become accustomed to living at the expense of another American would not want Congress to obey the Constitution, especially if it left out their favorite handout.” —Walter Williams

I've had plenty of time the last week or so to catch up on Current Events and the talking heads that are tracking the election for me...
I was watching Brit Hume and his “panel of experts” (Krauthammer, Kondracke and Barnes) talking about taxes, and tax rates, and tax receipts, and the gyrations of Congress, and the doublespeak of presidential candidates last week...

Synopsis:
It's all bullshit, and I’m sick of it, and sick of the candidates.

Most of all, I’m sick of Congress taking far more than it needs, and giving it to special interest groups and pork barrel political friends, and upon rare occasion doling back to us the dribs and drabs of their largess at their whim.

“Letting the Bush tax cuts expire... will be the largest increase in personal income taxes since World War II... The tax code changes enacted in 2001 and 2003 are scheduled to expire at the end of 2010. If they do, statutory marginal tax rates will rise across the board; ranging from a 13% increase for the highest income households to a 50% increase in tax rates faced by lower-income households. The marriage penalty will be reimposed and the child credit cut by $500 per child. The long-term capital gains tax rate will rise by one-third (to 20% from 15%) and the top tax rate on dividends will nearly triple (to 39.6% from 15%). The estate tax will roar back from extinction at the same time, with a top rate of 55% and an exempt amount of only $600,000. Finally, the Alternative Minimum Tax will reach far deeper into the middle class, ensnaring 25 million tax filers in its web.” —John Cogan and R. Glenn Hubbard - The Coming Tax Bomb - WSJ

Hey America- That sucking noise you hear? Yeah- that's your (Democratic) Government hoovering up every possible cent it can bleed from you.
As for Obama's "Change you can believe in"... That will be the only money you have left... some small change. Get ready to start scouring the floorboards of your car and the under the sofa cushions for that "Change" so you can buy groceries, because your government will have most of your paycheck.


Here’s what we need:

1. A flat federal tax rate of 15% for all individuals;
No exceptions, No bullshit.
2. Capital gains tax of 5%;
3. No more inheritance taxes and no alternative minimum taxes;
4. A flat no-exceptions-whatsoever federal tax rate of 5% on sales after expenses (salaries and rents mostly) for corporations.

We've all talked of taxes in the past (national sales tax, graduated universal rates, etc) and in the end I have come to realize that none of it is going to work. Too complicated, too many caveats, and too many ways for We The People to get shafted in new and exciting ways by Them the Politicians/Accountants.

So it’s time to make it simple.

How much did you earn last year? $X
Your tax bill: $0.15X

How much did you earn from investments last year? $Y
Your tax bill: $0.05Y

What were your corporation’s sales last year, after paying salaries and rents? $Z million
Your tax bill: $0.05Z

I don’t want to hear about how the government can’t operate on only a 15% tax rate. In fact, I’m sick and tired of hearing about the government needing this and that.
I need transportation- I get a car I can afford based on my paycheck and expenses.
I can't go to my boss and say:
"Hey Jim. I've decided after careful consideration and research that the best, safest car I can get is a GasSucker Utility Vehicle Mk II, so I need a big fat raise to get one. And I'll need even more because I need to buy more gas to run the big bastard."
Guess what he'd tell me?

Like all the rest of us, it’s time Congress learned to live within its means—and the only reason I suggested a 15% tax rate instead of a 10% tax rate is because things like interstate highways and carrier groups are Good Things. No deficits except in times of national crisis—and we get to decide what constitutes a crisis, not Congress.
Personally, however, I’d go for a flat 20% until we get the deficit down, and then step it down through 15% until we get a reserve, then down to 10%, IF we can ge it down to 10% - I won’t swear we CAN. There ARE two things I’d give a tax break to - Education (REAL Education, not this BS we get now) and BASIC SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH, on ALL FRONTS - the real push-the-frontiers-back stuff. None of this pseudo-science stuff either, like ‘do carrots scream when we cut the tops off before steaming them’.
I might be persuaded to entertain the notion for sole federal funding by sales tax. If you wanted to pay less tax, don’t buy as much.
BUT sure as hell I don’t trust those bastards to introduce a national sales tax and simultaneously drop income tax. What would most likely happen is that we’d be stuck with TWO ways to tax us, and neither would ever be repealed.

Military spending?
Want to fight a war- Sell bonds, just like you used to have to do in the old days. When the war becomes unpopular, then Johnny’ll have to come marching home.

Privatize NASA. End of story.

Don’t get me started on Social Security. That sucker should be taken out to the pond and have it's head held under until it stops kicking.
Privatize it, now.
If the assholes in Congress and White House policy wonks are unable to figure it out, ask Chile to send some of their folks here as consultants.

And speaking of foreigners: end all this foreign aid bullshit, Right Fucking NOW, starting with the United Nations.
We’re heading for a financial crisis in this country, and this is no time to be hosting cocktail parties with taxpayer money. Lending or giving money (especially to your enemies) when you yourself are in debt is the height of stupidity. It’s as true for nations as it is for individuals. The west does not win friends when we throw our money at the socialists and savages of the third world. They just take the money, laugh and see us as weak and deluded, further strengthening their will to destroy us. We need to be respected and feared.

Just FYI-
Below are the actual voting records of various Arabic/Islamic states which are recorded in both the US State Department and United Nations records:
Kuwait votes against the United States 67% of the time
Qatar votes against the United States 67% of the time
Morocco votes against the United States 70% of the time
United Arab Emirates votes against the U. S. 70% of the time.
Jordan votes against the United States 71% of the time.
Tunisia votes against the United States 71% of the time.
Saudi Arabia votes against the United States 73% of the time.
Yemen votes against the United States 74% of the time.
Algeria votes against the United States 74% of the time.
Oman votes against the United States 74% of the time.
Sudan votes against the United States 75% of the time.
Pakistan votes against the United States 75% of the time.
Libya votes against the United States 76% of the time.
Egypt votes against the United States 79% of the time.
Lebanon votes against the United States 80% of the time.
India votes against the United States 81% of the time.
Syria votes against the United States 84% of the time.
Mauritania votes against the United States 87% of the time.

U S Foreign Aid to those that hate us:
Egypt, for example, after voting 79% of the time against the United States, still receives $2 billion annually in US Foreign Aid.

Jordan votes 71% against the United States and receives $192,814,000 annually in US Foreign Aid.

Pakistan votes 75% against the United States receives $6,721,000 annually in US Foreign Aid.

India votes 81% against the United States receives $143,699,000 annually.

Does this piss you off as much as it does me?

Life is getting far too complicated, and far too expensive, when it should be easy, just like ordinary life would be if we weren’t giving a third of our wages over to be pissed down the drain by our so-called government. Right now, I wouldn’t trust government with the wife of my worst enemy. Or vice-versa, a la Hillary &Bill. I shudder to think.

I've said it before- Giving money to the government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys...

We need to tighten our belts, live within our means, and quit all the pork and other shit that Congress ladles out like it’s found money.

We’ve been spending like there’s no tomorrow. Well, tomorrow is here y'all, and unless we recognize that fact and quit farting around with discussions of subsidies and hedge funds and tax breaks and hoping for a visit from the Money Fairy, we’re all, each and every one of us, going to get fucked harder than a $5 hooker during Fleet Week.

TBG out-

Out of Context, Northern Ohio

Time: 1:25am Sunday 5/25
Location: Somewhere near the Ohio / Pennsylvania border on I-80.

NHL Guy 1: Hey... Are your nuggets hot?

NHL Guy 2: Yeah...wait..what?

TBG: Yuk. Too Much Information.

TBG out-

Friday, May 16, 2008

Requiescat in Pace



Miss Ellie, we will all miss you.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Gas Mileage

It's been more than a week since my last post. Figure I better put
something up before I get accused of sleeping at the wheel or slacking
off...

We had a bit of a sit-down last night at a local sports bar here at the Beach.
DanO was in town; We had a few Help Desk Minions in attendance, along with
The Code Monkey and some of his Acolytes from the Temple of Programming, the all-powerful PaulP made an appearance, and last on the list but first in our hearts, The Big Hat, The Head Cheese, He Who Shall Be Obeyed, RallisP joined us to drink beer, eat bad bar food and watch the Philly Phlyers get their guts kicked out by Sidney "Put it in my five hole" Crosby and the Pit Penguins.

Good times... good times.


At some point in time during the festivities, talk turned to automobiles, gasoline prices and gas mileage...

I recently did a gas study on the Blue Toaster. Filled her up, ($50.00! Yikes!)
drove 109 miles and refilled her again, then did the cypherin'...
24.6 MPG on the highway, 16+ cents per mile.
I opined that I was going back to my old philosophy of "Two Wheels Good, Four Wheels Bad." One of the comedians suggested I look into a Vespa or some other scooter transport in order to get Really Good mileage.
What they were really looking for was the comic value of me trundling into the office on a 50cc Scooter looking for all intents and purposes like a big damn bear in the circus riding a teeny bicycle.


Which brings us to the meat (so to speak) of this message...

PaulP and Rallis both drive Mini Coopers... they speak very highly of the Mini.
Sporty, decent gas mileage...

In case you've lived under a rock for the last 6 years or so, here's a pic of the Mini Cooper.

You gotta love the 'Cooper...
Maybe I should take one for a test ride...?

TBG out-

Monday, May 05, 2008

May Day Immigration Rallies


I'm pretty sure the sign reads "My Immigrant Vagina is Angry"...

It looks like there are a lot of immigrant rectums that are really pissed off, because they're shitting all over us too.

TBG out-

Yikes, again.

Chain reaction:



It's pretty cool, as long as it's not my neighborhood.

TBG, killing butterflies

Friday, May 02, 2008

I think he's got a point...

From Irons in the Fire-
he got a letter from a friend in Denmark-

"We in Denmark cannot figure out why you are even bothering to hold an election.

On one side, you have a bitch who is a lawyer, married to a lawyer, and a lawyer who is married to a bitch who is a lawyer.

On the other side, you have a true war hero married to a woman with a huge chest who owns a beer distributorship.

Is there a contest here?"

TBG- pondering the facts

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Confusion:

"Yeah... Wait. What?"

Not paying attention again, are we?

TBG - Wait...

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Quote out of Context- 3/30

Judy (to Dave): "Don't you remember coming to my desk and putting your little thing in my thing? Then it all worked?"

Everyone else: "Whoa! TMI!"

TBG out-

New Comic

I've been getting a kick out of a new comic I found...

XKCD



Read it, you uncultured bastards.

(Cultured bastards and yogurt can skip it.)

TBG out-

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Lunch at Hooters


Wings. Girls.

What more could you want?

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Brrr.

Denver, 4:40 am
I hate waiting for shuttle buses at darkandcold:30
Appearently Colorado didn't get the word that it's @?#$% SPRING TIME!!

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Glo-Bull Warmening

Welcome to Denver.

It's 28 degrees...
Snow flurries are swirling around me as I wait for the Avis shuttle bus.

I don't even have a long sleeved shirt.

Weather.com has boned me again.

TBG- mile-high freezing

Friday, April 25, 2008

Good News - Bad News

Bad News - I have to go to San Jose CA to work on a problem.

Good News - I know exactly what the problem is and how to fix it.

Bad News - 6AM flight, 5.5 hrs in the air.

Good News - Continental Airlines-got an upgrade. Woo Hoo!

Bad News - They lost one of my bags.

Really Bad News - It's my tool kit.
Stuff I really really need.

TBG - waiting for my bag to be delivered. 3 hours so far.

Overheard on the Plane

Old woman to her travel companion as they waited to get to their seats:
"This chicken is so heavy! Next time, *you're* taking it as a carry-on."

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Beau on the mound


The Boyfriend is pitching tonite.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Idiotic EULA Language

You'd be amazed to what you are agreeing to when you check the "I agree" box on the End User License Agreement when installing software...

I recently had to upgrade ITunes in order to load more irritating noise music on the Perfect Child's iPod...
Just for giggles I scanned the EULA before I clicked the "agree" button and this little gem caught my eye...

10. Export Control. You may not use or otherwise export or reexport the Apple Software except as authorized by United States law and the laws of the jurisdiction in which the Apple Software was obtained... Blah blah blah... You also agree that you will not use these products for any purposes prohibited by United States law, including, without limitation, the development, design, manufacture or production of missiles, or nuclear, chemical or biological weapons.

So... Does this mean Achmed the Terrorist can't listen to his iPod while building a Dirty WMD? Further- does it mean that when Johnny Drive-By goes out wearing his iPod listening to C-Murder and Sikk the Shocker chanting "Kill the F**cking Pigs" is he in violation on the EULA?

I guess Apple is going to Eulaize themselves out of the lucrative missle and nuclear weapon market. I guess the rocket scientists will be using Zunes for their development instead.

TBG out-

Cancel my Trip


Penis Theft?


Hello- travel department?

Yeah- cancel my trip to Kinsasha.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Hurts so good.

Indulgence

Last time I got a pedicure was in August of last year.
I'm overdue for foot maintenance.

If you've never had a good pedicure, you're missing out on a hedonistic treat.

Listen to your Uncle Jay- get a pedicure. Your feet will love you for it.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Beau knows Baseball

Senators Run Away With Title
Fletcher's Beaudreau pitches a four-hitter to shut down Parker.


BOB SELF/The Times-Union
Fletcher's Beau Beaudreau pitches during the first inning, striking out the first three batters against Parker in the Gateway Conference tournament championship game Thursday night at the University of North Florida.

Article here

Why is Uncle Jay running a post on a local High School sports team?
Don't you recognize the Perfect Child's swain...?



We went to the game last night out at UNF- to watch Beau pitch...
It was really fun - in attendance was Beau's mother Kathleen, stepfather Alan Halpern, father Bob Beaudreau, and Beau's grandfather Bob...
Now they move on to District competition next Wednesday.

TBG, starting to enjoy baseball-

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Is That What Happens?

Wow. I always wondered about those little packets...



TBG, not eating the desiccant.

Yeah, I guess I could....But why?

31



I'd hate to have to put it to a test...

TBG, missing his moral compass-

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Twitter

In case you have been living under a rock the last few months-
Check out Twitter.com

It's got some potential...

Follow me on Twitter - Search for UncleJay

It's a cross between blogging and and RSS feed for SMS messaging.

TBG out-

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Yikes!

Susan to The Roach at Waffel House:
(in regards to a slice of bacon)
"You want me to lick all over it?"

Egads!

TBG...out-

Out of Context

Susan: "I'm not touching Mitch's mouse...."

I'm not up on all the street terms but I'm pretty sure this is something nasty...

TBG out

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Shocker...

The Caffeine Click Test - How Caffeinated Are You?
(Thanks to The Roach for the ref-)

Nervz. I has dem.

TBG- wired and dangerous

A new DIY Combo

Everyone remembers the advent of the Master's Cordon Bleu...



Well... I've been slaving away in the Listen to Uncle Jay Test Kitchen and have developed the newest culinary delight here at A Nice Golf Course...

The Pimento Chicken... Known to some as the Master's Elemental Chicken.

Firstly, assemble your mise en place...


One Chicken Fillet and one Pimento Cheese sandwich.


Open them both up...


Spread the pimento cheese on the Chicken Filet.

Pop the tasty morsel in the microwave for 30 seconds on High.

Don't have a microwave handy? Neither do I.
But I do have a Toaster...


30 to 45 minutes on the dashboard in your Blue Toaster will do nicely.


Mmmmm. Tasty sandwich.

TBG, noshing.

You down with OCD?

Susan is at it again...



Susan's 2007 bout of OCD...

TBG, messing up the M&Ms-