Traffic Control, or Lack Thereof...

Holy crap...

Having driven in Beijing and Shanghai, this traffic isn't that different-
but the pedestrians- walking through the center of the intersection. Yikes!

I think that corner on the right would be a great spot for a body shop or an urgent care clinic...

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Well Look At That...Nice Job.

I see you got your Mustang detailed...



TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Getting Home - Another Ordeal Courtesy of United Airlines

So I got to the airport in Newark early to try to catch an earlier flight...

A strong Nor'easter was coming into the New York area and I had bad feelings about my 9PM flight.

I went to the customer service desk to see about changing flights...

Can I get on this earlier flight to JAX?

Let's see... Ah... No... Sadly, they have just cancelled that flight.

Sh!t-balls. So I have to wait until 9 tonight.

Ok... I head to the C Concourse to soak up some free wifi from the United lounge...

(This takes some doing, since my flight is going out of the A Terminal. The TSA doesn't want you to go into the incorrect terminal... I had to reason with them: it's several hours until my flight- I want to use the good United lounge, not the crappy one at the A-Terminal. But they finally let me in...)

I had just logged in and was going through my emails and doing some housekeeping when I got  text alert from United: Your flight at 9PM has been cancelled by Air Traffic Control. Contact Customer Service for further assistance.

Lovely. Just what I needed. I packed up my goods and started for the CSU Desk.

As I stood in line I got another message.

You have been re-booked on a flight tomorrow at 10 AM. 

No f*cking way... And since it was and ATC action, the have no responsibility to house or feed travelers... Double f*ck that.

I stayed in line... No way am I spending yet another night in another airport.

As I waited I got our company Travel Goddess on the horn...

"Is there anything leaving Newark that gets even close to Jax tonight?"

There are two flights to Orlando- one at 5:30 and one at 8...

Any seats?

Oh... Three on the first one, and the 8 is wide open...

Ok... Thanks-

I got to the Customer Service desk- 

Got the rep to get me on the 5:30 to Orlando-

It would get me in about 8:15 or 20... That's doable. Then a rental car to Jax.

No problem.

Flight boarded just after 5:00 and I even scored an upgrade... Nice.

I had Travel Goddess book me a car with my Car Rental of Choice-

When I go to the Preferred Desk I followed the sigh to my appointed car- 

a Kia Sh!tbox... No f*cking way on that- I won't survive 2+ hours folded into a pretzel to operate that thing...

I went back to the service desk...

"Um... I'm sorry- do you have anything else? I can't fit into that car- let alone drive it for 3 hours." 

"Absolutely... I have just the car for you..."

She gives me a Chevy Camaro S/S complete with the Corvette engine and full instrument package.

Holy crap... What a car...

I head out of the Airport and head up 528 toward the Greenway. Lots of wide-open space, very tempting to see what this thing is capable of...

Fortunately I was able to curb my curiosity- there was a preponderance of FHP officers out that night.

But that car is quite tempting-

One really funny (and potentially dangerous) feature was the G-Force reading on the HUD.

It would measure g-forces in the cornering...

Now, maybe it's just me, but when I saw that, all I wanted to do was see how high I could go in the curves...

You give a testosterone-filled steroid junkie college football player (the Camaro's target demographic) something like that, you might as well give him a bottle of Jack Daniels along with the keys and send him on his way...

He's going to see how far you can push the edge of the envelope.

Me?

Not so much.

It took me 2:20 to get from Orlando airport to The Estrogen Palace...

Google Maps says 2:26 from door to door...

So I wasn't breaking any records...

But... Had I made my original 9pm flight, I would have laded at 11:40, then another 40-50 minutes home, so in the long run, I was better off time-wise.

Now if I can get United to cough up the $$ for the rental car...

We will see...

TBG

Gender Specific Automobile

I just noticed that I got a girl's car from Avis...


Not that I spend a lot of time looking at the gauges anyway.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Vehicle of Desire

Whilst waltzing around Krasnodar and Sochi, I came across a vehicle that tickled my fancy...

Now, to preface this missive- Uncle Jay is all about being unique (just like everyone else).
I prefer things a little out of the ordinary.
Hence the Blue Toaster instead of a Ford Exploder, the FJR instead of a Harley, a .44 Magnum instead of a .40 S&W.
You know...
Different.

So, wandering the streets of Krasnodar I saw a rather cool looking Microbus looking vehicle. Very utilitarian.
So I started asking questions...

To start with:
"'Dafuq is dat?!"
It's called a Uaz. (Oo-woz)
This was the first one I saw, but hardly the last. The damn things are everywhere in Russia.

I started to do a little digging...




And it seems like it is quite capable, if you spend enough on accessories.

(This is true of anything, from cars to trophy wives. But I digress...)

We saw them everywhere... Like at this checkpoint in Estosadok.
And yes, this picture is yet another example of Stupid American Tricks: Taking pictures of a security checkpoint...
Which can earn you a close encounter with a cattle prod.
Ask me how I know.

We started asking St.Ass questions regarding the Uaz.
He was understandably puzzled.
StAss: "Why would you want to buy zis piece of crap? Zhe ride is horrible because zey use shit springs, zhe brakes won't stop zhe car, and zhe steering is crap."
Yours Truly: "But St.Ass! It's so cool!"
St.Ass: "No, it izn't. It's crap."

He began to pontificate on how, basically, everything made in Russia is substandard and falls apart due to shoddy design and manufacture.
Of this, I am not sure...
I can think of one good example that disproves his blanket statement...
Is good example, no?
Reliable? Da.
Accurate? Perhaps, not so much.

Besides- getting a Uaz through all the EPA and safety BS would be a nightmare and probably be a show-stopper anyway, so I'm going to back-burner my dreams of having all the hipsters giving my cool ride covetous glances...

Maybe I can find this other cool ride I saw on the street in Sochi:
The Mitsubishi Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.
"Hey- you got some of your station wagon on my sport car!"
"No, you got sports car on my SUV!"

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE