Showing posts with label Captain Obvious. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Captain Obvious. Show all posts

Friday, March 25, 2016

Things Not To Fuck Around With - A Work In Progress

  • Hard drugs. 
  •  Unprotected sex. 
  • Street racing. 
  • Radioactive stuff.
  • Electricity and plumbing. 
  • Dangerous animals. 
  • ISIS. 
  • Angry big women. 
  • Daddy's girls. 
  • Super religious people. 
  • Texas (duh).
  • Police. 
  • Fast food. 
  • Vegas
  • Hill folk.
  • The ozone. 
  • Bad shellfish
  • Spiders and poisonous snakes.
  • Ouija boards and fortune tellers. 
  • The IRS.
  • Prostitutes.
  • The Bank
  • Pimps. 
  • Moose.
  • The Cook.
  • Bikers. 
  • Wasps
  • Gang members.
  • And Susan at the office. 


Additions to the list are welcome.



TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Assholes Being Assholes

Seems like there are so many more "White Supremacy" incidents in the last few weeks...
Seems to me they fall into two major categories:
1. People who want to give the BLM crowd and the campus crybullies something to protest- usually someone from the same organizations hoaxing, so they stay relevant.

2. Shit - stirrers like the 4-chaners, militant Redditors, and refugees from /b/ that just love throwing monkey wrenches for the sake of wrenching, not because of racial hatred.

That small percentage of REAL white supremacy retards have always been out there and probably know better than to fan the flames...The BLM is doing a bang-up job of alienating Everyone Else on their own. The WS crowd knows that getting caught making a poo-swastika would be stepping on their own dicks in a major way...

The BLM folks that are creating their own outrages (swastikas,  white power graffiti, provocative social media messages) fall back on the ever-popular defense of "I did it just to see what would happen."...
Like this idjit:
Police at Saginaw Valley State University say a threat posted on the social media site Yik Yak read, "I'm going to shoot every black person I can on campus. Starting tomorrow morning."
Guess who:

The original post was followed later by: 
"Its [sic] a joke,"
"I'm black,"
"I was going to give it an hour to see how you all would react," and
"Right. I could be angry and just expressing myself lol."

Moron.

Friday, June 12, 2015

Laundry Day Night

Did my laundry the other night...
(Yes, I do my own laundry... Have you ever seen what they charge to wash a shirt or a pair of pants at a Hilton? It's redicking fuckulous.)

So, a block up O'Farrell is the TL - A DIY laundromat, cafe and bike rental.
A great way to spend a couple hours on an off-evening.

The sign over the door was a good memo from Captain Obvious...


And yes, that's a pterodactyl hanging from the ceiling.

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Wednesday, June 04, 2014

The Tequila Roundtable: Truths - Part 1

Imagine, if you will, being a fly on the wall at a local purveyor of *cough* fine Mexican cuisine. On an occasional basis a group of local ne'er-do-wells gather to discuss matters of state, swill white-label tequila, and deplete the local supply of carnitas and chorizo tacos.
This is a loosly-transcribed distillation of the conversation... 

I. Edumacation


The Degenerate: When I was just a rotten kid in [redacted], I usually got just a little more than my RDA of trouble in school... I spent a reasonable amount of time in the Admin office getting 'counseled' regarding behavior and cautioned that there could possible entries in my "PERMANENT RECORD"... That thick file that follows you all your life...
At the time, I think we had some notion of a large hanging folder in a large file cabinet in the Vatican that was available to everyone to see what horrible things you did in 3rd grade.

The Barrister: I think that particular Sword of Damocles is largely gone these days...
But kids should be worried about other things now.

The Ogre: If you're in high school and suffering, don't worry. (and if you're in high school and reading this website, WTF Dude- Don't you have studying to do?)
High School doesn't f'ing matter. College barely matters.
Just make sure you pass; For most careers, your grades don't really matter.
Also, the Internet is your "permanent record"; Regardless of what they told you in those many trips to the principal's office, there's nothing in High School that follows you.

The Barrister: Let me clarify this a bit:  Elementary, Jr. High, High School, and University grades matter immensely for some careers.
Let's say you want to be a researcher of some sort. Without a training, learning, and constantly getting better 'learning skills' throughout your education,these careers are barred for you.
Elementary and Jr High matter because this is where you learn the skills to be a scholar. They are training for what matters.

The Ogre: Ah. That's where I screwed up...

The Bean Counter: Getting into a top university is dependent on doing extremely well in HS and getting into a top grad program and securing a famous adviser depends on doing great in undergrad. (TBG's Note: Or being a mediocre student but being in a recognized minority. PS - "Stoner" is not a recognized minority unless you're from Hawaii. )

The Barrister: You will not have a career in academia unless you have both a famous adviser, papers in top journals, and a PhD from a top tier school in your field.
Even then- it would be a miracle.
So unless you're walking on water, get the skills and the sheepskin.

The Ogre: Any college major 'they' (counselors, etc) tell you is going to make you a lot of money, will not. By the time you graduate, all the sheep will have flocked to it and over saturated the market- essentially making the degree worthless unless you're genius level at what you do, or have (or can make) powerful connections.
But trust me on the Internet thing. That shit on Facebook and Instagram will hunt you down and kill you.

The Pragmatist (the heaviest drinker of our klatsch):
College is about three things:
1. Showing you can do the work to get the degree so employers can have a basic level of trust that you won't fuck up their shit.
2. Making connections with people who might be able to help you make money/get more opportunities in the future. Align yourself with winners, not people who bitch about life and how unfair shit is. End of the day, who really gives a fuck? No one.
3. Do as much fun stupid shit as you can as long as none of it gets posted on the internet. Once you start working, you'll be under much closer scrutiny since your work affects other people's livelihood's directly. Get as much bullshit out of your system as possible. Never drink to the point where you black out, losing control is for losers with low self worth aka most women you'll meet at college.
At this point there is much derision and ridicule for the Pragmatist...
"Gee. Great job coming at the end and giving a half-baked profanity-laced summary.
F'ing Wanker."

II - Work

The Degenerate: When you start working full time in whatever job you land in remember that, unless you are in a skill position, how you do your job matter less than your ability to establish and maintain political relationships.
Companies have zero loyalty to their workers.
Don't ever think that a company cares about you, even if you have a cool boss. They will feed you to jellyfish and stream that shit live to YouTube if it increases revenue by 1%.

The Bean Counter: The people you work for don't play by the same rules that they want you to play by. It's no secret how the powerful get (and stay) powerful: by taking advantage of everyone below them, and out-politicking those above them. Get good at both if money means anything to you.

The Pragmatist: Wonder why the assholes who shirk work all fucking day get promoted and get taken out by management for a three-martini lunch while you're stuck doing shit work?
Hint: Shmoozing is better return on investment than actually working.
Welcome to the First World.

The Barrister: Again, with that cool boss thing- don't let them fool you. Until you are the same level, you're just a chess piece.  No matter how much your boss is nice to you, everything they say is just to get you to work harder for them. They are not your friend, and becoming friends with them is a mistake.
All you are is a tool.
When you stop being useful you will be let go, so never let that happen.

The Ogre: Do everything possible to work for yourself. The rat race is just that; don't participate.

Money is literally the only point of work, pick something that pays a lot and do whatever artsy fartsy stuff you are interested in on the side, because if you think you're going to make money from it, you're out of you frimping gourd.
97%* of people who try to be artists for a living fail and end up working at Burger King.

TL;DR It's not what you know, it's who you know.

III - Misc Addenda
The Barrister: Most people you will meet are idiots, but because there are so many of them you look like the odd-man-out. Don't be discouraged.

The Pragmatist: No one, not even your therapist, gives a rat's ass about your feelings unless it affects their ability to maintain their lifestyle directly.

The Ogre: There's a reason why governments demand a monopoly on violence and forbid its use by most of its citizens: Violence usually gets results.

The Pragmatist: Whether physical, economic, emotional, or political, if you need shit done, just fucking get shit done. Have a vision and stick to it. It's better to fail on your terms than succeed on someone else's. Being nice and compliant is a great way to get screwed.

--------------
Casa Maria - twice a month whether we need it or not.
Lots more from this group of miscreants...

*I picked this statistic out of my head. It's probably a lot smaller. GIMF-'what percentage of artists are successful'.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Radio Silence

Yeah- I know. I've been a little heads-down this week...
Lots to do and poor conditions to do it in.
(Hint: 102 degrees on Thursday, 98 on Friday. And I'm working in a tent without 'aircond' as they call it here. So basically I'm sitting in a huge canvas oven;
Hope these cat-5 connections can take having sweat dripped on them and still work.)

 So- needing a little R&R and to let me rehydrate I went walkabout driveabout (as opposed to last year's rideabout).

This year I've been graced with a car- a Mitsubishi ASX...
Which is awesome if your a 5'1" onesie-wearing hot chocolate drinker...
Not so much when you're 6'5".
I cut quite the dashing figure as I unfold myself from it.
(Seriously, there has been laughter. For a moment or two...)

I headed south this time- I saw a nice geographic feature a couple hours south of Sydney while perusing Google Maps...


It's really cool when you see that the 'shoreline' is actually pretty high cliffs.

Hence the name "Point Perpedicular"


I shot a little video... The wind was whipping from the south at about 20-25knots

The was a small sailboat- maybe a 30 footer, heading up the coast...
This should give you an idea on the height of these cliffs.

Running on a half-furled jib and hauling ass...

Near the edge, we have a nice reminder from Captain Obvious:



Half of the area is a still-in-regular use bombing range...
The have signage about every 100' or so running along the dirt track out to Point Perpendicular...


So... there are two takeaways from Beecroft Peninsula.
1. Don't fall off the cliffs.
2. Don't leave the road.

 TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Public Service Announcement

Since we're going to get bombarded with this crap in the next few months...

This is an AZTEC calendar.



THIS is a MAYAN calendar.

Just trying to keep things straight...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Thursday, July 05, 2012

Funny How That Works...

At the check-in counter on the way to London:
United Ticket Agent: "You need to put an ID tag on your bag."
Yours Truly: "Every time I do, the baggage handling equipment tears it off."
UTA: "Yeah...Funny how that works. Still... You need to have your name on your bag."
YT: "It is on there. It's printed on the United bag tag."
UTA: "No... You need another one, in case the tag is torn off."
YT: "You realize how asinine this discussion is, don't you?"
UTA: "Just humor me. Put another tag on the bag."
That the problem these days- just ignore the stupidity and follow the rules, sheeple.

Friday, June 29, 2012

Thanks, Captain Obvious



TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Booze




I caught this on my RSS reader this morning and it rang so true-

So very many of my best stories start with "We were drinking pretty heavily and..."

Not so often with "I was having a great Cobb salad when..."

(Astute Constant Readers will begin "Tossing Salad" jokes in 3...2... )

H/T to PISSED at the Feral Irishman who speaks sooth...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Signs of our Times - Seems Logical To Me Edition



TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Hey Dumbass

...Yeah, you, the mouthbreather at gasso in Louisiana expounding to his slack-jawed drooling toady on why he got his edgy unique Chinese character tat.

Want to be unique? Want to be a trendsetter?
Don't get a stupid tattoo.

Besides:



TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Monday, April 19, 2010

Really? D'ya think?


Beaches area police urge residents to lock cars to prevent thefts


I would normally say this is a case of "Thank you Captain Obvious" but this is a bit of a bell-ringer:

That's because 50 to 90 percent of auto burglaries involve unlocked cars, said police chiefs and supervisors.
Alas- this is too true...
I routinely have to check on the PC's car to be sure it's locked. She's averaging about a 60% locked rate.
Not good enough for this neighborhood.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Overheard at the IBC

...during Men's figure skating, in one of the control suites along the corridor:

"I think that guy's gay."


Ah... I see Captain Obvious is in the building...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Bresticles...



TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Friday, October 24, 2008

Here's a Shocker

- From the desk of Captain Obvious -

New York Times comes out for Obama

Who didn't see *that* coming?

TBG: Get off your ASSES and VOTE!

Monday, September 01, 2008

Equal Time

Hey- Coastal Georgia, South Carolina...

NOW IS THE TIME.

Turn off the coverage of Gustav, get off your ass and get out now.



If you decide to stay, I don't want to see your happy ass on CNN whining about how you didn't know it would be so bad, or that you didn't know it was coming.
STFU.

And if your house and all your shit blows away, remember that YOU were the one that decided to live in a coastal region and bought a house constructed of kleenex and spit. Congrats on that low house payment.

Quote from yours Yours Truly in 1995 : "I don't care where the house is, as long as it's made of concrete block."

TBG out-

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

This Just In...

From an informal poll on the shuttle bus this morning:

What do you think about necrophiliacs?

2% Could care less.

5% Creepifying.

93% Wouldn't want to be caught dead with one.

(75% of responders need definition of the word. Curiously, the 75% were also under the age of 23. Go figure.)

TBG - Random sampling

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Memo from the Desk of Captain Obvious:

As we sat in lobby of the the Marriott (not the bar, go figure)
we were watching the Ottawa/Buffalo conference final go into overtime.
Dan P came up with the "uh...y'think?" quote of the night:

"This next goal is gonna be huge."

TBG, dreading overtime games, out-