Showing posts with label Hidden text. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hidden text. Show all posts

Saturday, August 29, 2015

Back to Beijing - IAAF World Champs 2015

(Like Famous the Tam is wont to say, I hate using good stuff at an away game.
I had to write up the my current tasking here for Oculus, the company newsletter; 

Since I wrote it, I have no issue with reproducing it here... Enjoy.)

Has it really been seven years?
Yes … Just seven years ago, the Olympic Green in Beijing was simply awash with my co-workers.

StAss the Mad Russian, Chief Propeller Head, Ty, Ben (no longer) in Florida, The Apostle, Spongemark, SGK, and a host of others in addition to your humble correspondent were dispatched far and wide over Beijing during the 2008 Olympics.
(For some of those tales, head to the left of the page and navigate to Aug of 2008, or click the Olympic tag to see all of that content)

Ah, yes- the agonizingly slow buses to the shoebox-like accommodations, the thorough and very invasive security pat-downs to get in and out of event spaces, the insane traffic as we tried to go from site to site or to see the local attractions, and of course, the spectacle of the opening ceremonies. Good times...good times...

Fast-forward to August 2015, and we (and by we, I mean yours truly, the lone survivor from the Battle of Beijing) are back in the Celestial Kingdom, and once again courting heat stroke, black lung disease and food poisoning as we provide stats interfacing for the Really Big American Network broadcast for the IAAF World Track & Field Championships in the National Stadium (国家体育场北京 aka the Bird's Nest). The former Olympic sites are a little faded and dusty, but the Water Cube and the other structures around the former Olympic site are still very recognizable.

Your humble correspondent is the boots-on-the-ground in Beijing, with very capable tele-support provided back in Florida by St.Ass and  The Apostle. This World Championship is basically a pre-Olympic event, a warm-up if you will, for the Rio Olympics in August 2016.

I had a bit of a scare in the days leading up to departure for the event … The container of equipment for the event was on-site in the port of Tainjin when a warehouse full of chemical and explosives blew up. I was sitting on the edge of my seat to find out if the container was OK. A backup plan was put in place where I would hand-carry the equipment in case the container was damaged, lost or destroyed.

The word came down the day before I left Jacksonville that the container had arrived in Beijing and all was well. (I brought the backup equipment anyway, because you never know.)

On arrival, I found the pre-shipped equipment was in pristine condition. I wish I was in as good condition after the 25 or so travel-hours it took to me get here.

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There is a huge parade and showcase for Chinese militaria next week in front of Tienanmen Square and the Forbidden City, in celebration of the anniversary of the victory over Japanese aggression (not kidding).
They are practicing different aspectds of how they will be screwing up basic services and inconveniencing everyone this week... We got caught in a traffic holdup and after waiting on a freeway offramp for 45 minutes and a van with no A/C, I said Adios MotherF'er and walked to the site... Ain't nobody got time for this.


There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that I set up a Teamviewer app and was running my systems from the bar in the hotel, in order to avoid the traffic and the roasting highways.
No truth at all. None. Nothing to see here... Just move along.



I said move along. Now go.

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My real workstation at the Birds Nest....


So China   Much exotic    Very Broadcast   Amaze.
There is a little Easter egg here that a few folks caught. So worth it.
The TIS Virus lives!!
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A funny story: Everyone knows that the Silk Street Market is a six-floor building dedicated to separating tourists from their money in exchange for counterfeit or poorly made knock-offs of name-brand merchandise and mass-produced tchotchkes and gewgaws.


First-timers are cautioned not to go alone, or at least to be very wary of any deal that seems too good to be true. And this visit was no different.

The crew headed for the Silk Street Market to shop for souvenirs. One of the NBC runners for the event, who we shall call "Ferguson" in order to shield him from further ridicule, split off from the rest of us in search of adventure and treasure.

When we caught up with him later, we found he had not heeded the warnings from the Old China Hands on the crew, and proudly showed off his new "finest quality" Rolex he had just purchased for a ridiculously high "friend-price." Most of us, having seen the gamut of knock-off Rolexes from the shoddy to the near-perfect, gathered around to see how he did.

In a word: Awful.

Crappy band, ticking second hand, lightweight ... It was sad.
And poor Ferguson...
He thought he'd gotten a deal.
They saw him coming and they laid the sales pitch on hard.
Sat him down, gave him a cup of tea, brought out the pretty inlaid wood boxes and gave it to him with both barrels.

Word of his folly spread quickly once we got to the site for work that day...

And to add insult to injury, his painful lesson was reinforced every day, all day long on-site. 
There is a tape source named 'X'. During the broadcast, the director will call cameras and tape sources to be used on the air, and very, very often we will hear the director call "Ready X ... Roll X!" (Rolex! - Get it?)
In the spirit of fun, everyone started calling the source "Ferguson" or "Ferg" - So we heard "Ready Ferg ... Roll Ferg!" instead of “Roll X!” all through the broadcast.
========================================================

From our "That Dude is Fucked" Department...



By now everyone should have seen The World's Fastest Man, Usain Bolt get taken out by a Chinese cameraman on a hands-free Segway...
Fortunately Bolt escaped the attack unscathed, later joking that American Justin Gatlin had paid the guy to run him over...
He had a great sense of humor about it.
Not sure the Ogranizing Committee will be as forgiving. They have zero tolerance policy  about public embarrassment. That and the $50,000 camera he destroyed...
I have a feeling that next week Segway CameraDude will be posted in 二连浩特市, (which is so far away that it doesn't have an English pronunciation) and will be videotaping yak turds for the rest of his career.

===========================================
Outta here on Monday.


Cannot wait.

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Still in Montana...


(Montana manatee in Swiftcurrent Lake, near Many Glacier in Glacier NP)

Friendly Advice*:
Don't taunt the moose.
Don't feed the moose.
Don't get near the moose.

They look like doofy horses, but they're bad-tempered, weighty, and strong.
If you want to simulate the after effects of a moose attack, hoist a pallet of cinder blocks two stories up, then drop it on your chest.

Just because it won't eat you afterwards, it doesn't mean it won't kill you.




A Møøse once bit my sister.
No realli! She was Karving her initials on the møøse...

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE
*Really true this time. Not kidding.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

I got dem Sitting & Waiting for My Delayed Flight Blues

-or-
Reading the headlines as I wait for my SECOND delayed flight today.

(DANGER - LOTS OF PROFANITY AHEAD - CLICK HERE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED.)



Fuck United Airlines
(My connecting flight that I was re-booked on from Houston to SFO is delayed...)

FML.

So I'm reading the headlines in my news reader...
I had caught Airport-CNN trumpeting the White House's ObamaCare figures-
ZOMG Eleventy Millions Covered! earlier this morning as I waited on my first delayed flight.
And now for the real story...
<full-on political rant about the lying sack of shit occupying the Oval Office Obama and his fecklessness, complete disregard for the truth, and his unwillingness to act like an American deleted due to rambling and lack of clarity>

Ah- fuck it. My rant got well and truly out of hand...
Fuck every one of these motherfuckers.

A dime is a dime, not 9 cents- Forbes is calling bullshit on the WH figures. Read here.

ISIS is pissed 'cause they don't have jobs?
We need in the medium to longer term to go after the root causes that leads people to join these groups, whether it’s lack of opportunity for jobs, whether… Marie Harf - State Dept spox. White House Moron Mouthpiece

Terror-fucking-ists got that way because they have legitimate complaints?
...groups like al Qaeda and ISIL exploit the anger that festers when people feel that injustice and corruption leave them with no chance of improving their lives. - B.H. Obama - LA Times
Fuck that motherfucker with ten feet of curare-tipped wrought-iron fencing. Follow it up with a 6' barbed wire dildo... What a miserable, lying, sack of shit.

What. The. Absolute. Fuck?

Gah. These flight delays piss me off.... Maybe I need a Snickers bar.

This option is looking better and better....
(At least the Socialists and Communists are well-labeled and don't masquerade as Democrats.)

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Friday, August 23, 2013

Your Mind Is In The Gutter

Bed Load
Solid particles, like the pebbles in a stream, that are carried along by flowing water.

Titbits
The British spelling for the word “tidbits.” Tit-Bits was the name of of a British weekly magazine published from 1881 to 1984.

Loose Smutt
A fungus that attacks wheat crops.

Oxpecker
A small bird native to sub-Saharan Africa. Also known as tick birds, they eat parasites that infest the hides of livestock.

Dick Test

If your doctor suspects you have scarlet fever, you may be given this diagnostic test invented by Dr. George Dick and his wife Gladys in 1924.

Vaginicola

 A singled-celled organism found in pond water.

Crack Spread
The difference in value between unrefined crude oil and the products that can be made by refining, or “cracking” the oil.

F-holes
The f-shaped sound holes cut into the front of violins, cellos, and other stringed instruments.

Rump Party
In British politics, when one faction of a political party breaks away to merge with or form a new party, the faction left behind is known as the “rump party.”

Urinator
A person who dives underwater in search of pearls, sunken treasure, or other riches.

Spermophile

A genus, or grouping of more than 20 species of ground squirrel.

Crap Mats
The name of a mountain in the Swiss Alps.

Fucoid
An adjective that means “having to do with seaweed.”

Fucose
A type of sugar found in human breast milk and in seaweed.

Titubate

To stumble, either in step or in speech.

Dickcissel
A species of finch native to the U.S.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Objectivity Lesson - Vancouver

Olympic-Sized Problems

Let me list them for you...

Huge cost overruns going into the Games.


Warm temperatures which prompted a round-the-clock operation to bring in snow from higher elevations to make Cypress Mountain ready for Freestyle and Snowboard competition.

Tragedy at the Luge practice run on the eve of the opening ceremony.

At the opening ceremony one of the four pillars that support the central flame failed to rise out of the floor, leaving Catriona Le May Doan with nothing to light.

The International Press and French Canadians get irritated that not enough French was spoken during the Opening Ceremonies.

Heavy snowfall/fog/rain at Whistler that forced disruptions to alpine skiing events.

Injuries plaguing the competitors.

Protesters rioting
downtown and breaking windows at the Official Olympic store.


The location of the Olympic flame in downtown Vancouver is behind a wire fence.


The problem of the buses:
Several dozen drivers quitting complaining about the long hours and poor working conditions.
Buses are breaking down.
Bus drivers getting lost.
(Bus Bus, Sea Bus)

Organizers were forced into an embarrassing cancellation of 28,000+ tickets for events at Cypress over safety fears with rain washing away snow that made the general admission standing room spectator area unsafe.

A veritable downpour during the Women's Mogul competition.


Zamboni Olympia "Super Green" Electric Ice Resurfacing Machines unable to perform their jobs. Replacement "Zamboni" brought in. (Shhhh!)

Protests at the biathlon on Tuesday over timing errors.

Protests and delays at Long Track over malfunctioning starting equipment, and scoring systems that made a timely race restart impossible.


But the local Fishwrapper makes a good point...

"No point in circling the wagons and pretending otherwise, of pointing to every bus that arrives on time, every security checkpoint that works flawlessly, every smiling, polite volunteer," comments Globe and Mail.

G&M is correct: Quite a bit has gone right.

Just look at the smile and tears on Lindsey Vonn's face, or Maelle Ricker after her win at Snowboard Cross.
 
And the two Russian winning gold and silver at the Cross Country today.
Or, or Shaun White's amazing performance; No matter your opinion of the Ramp Monkeys- he's still pretty good, eh?...

And after all the horror stories about the Sahara-like heat and the snow convoy & helicopter airlift canceling out any Carbon Footprint credits that might have been garnered at the 2010 games- the actual competitions at Cypress have been fantastic.
(Which is more important: that those with enough luck, prior planning or disposable income got screwed out of standing-room-only tickets, or that the competition occurred, and the athletes performed at the best of their ability?)

It's been rough here in Vancouver... Not for me, of course, except for the dismal dining at the IBC and the high price of rum, but rather for the image of the Games overall...

But then- I can remember page after page of complaints about Athens, Torino and Beijing too...
Happy spectators and perfect conditions don't sell papers, or bring in viewers to the news broadcasts...
Only tragedy and controversy are news.
"If it bleeds, it leads" is the old adage, and Vancouver 2010 has been hemorrhaging.

Enjoy the Games, if you can. It's about the competitors and performances,
not politics, not woulda-coulda-shoulda.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Quote of the Event - US Open (Probably NSFW...)



Received in an email from Zach at the US Open...

(Highlight text to read the quote.)

"My interesting moment of the night. Waitress brings too many Guinness to our table, tells one of us to drink up. After slamming the beer down in record time she says

'Wow, I bet he eats pussy like a champ.'"


Wow.

That's all I can say.

Wow.


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Monday, June 01, 2009

Hate.

Travel

I hates it.

I hate not being able to do on-line check-in.
I hate packing - trying to keep bag under (arbitrary profit-making) weight limits.
I hate 9A and the painting on the Dame Point Bridge.
I hate off-site airport parking. (But not as much as the airport-operated parking lots and shuttles.)
I hate "operated by XXXX" flights.
I REALLY REALLY REALLY hate regional jets. Especially Embraer Gaucho-Jets.
I hate kiosk check in.
I hate getting charged $15 for the FIRST bag.
I hate getting charged $30 MORE to get a seat near the front of the plane.
I hate the TSA and all it's minions.
Fuck those motherfuckers. They can ALL lick the sweat from a dead man's balls.
I hate getting extra scrutiny for booking tickets less than 24 hours before traveling.
I hate that the TSA keeps it's rectal probes in the freezer just prior to "additional security" examinations.
I hate getting gouged at airport food courts.
I hate short connections.
I hate airport TVs that are tuned 24/7 to the Obama Channel. (A/K/A HLN)
(Correction... HLN = Obama & Octomom Channel.)

More hate forthcoming, it's a long way to LA.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Out of Context - Random Conversations

I was talking to Democrat Dog last night...

Yours Truly:
"You ignorant dumbass liberal, we're trying to save America and our Way of Life!"

Democrat Dog:
"You dumbass ignorant conservative, we're trying to save Humanity and The World!"

I guess you're saving the world when you provide entitlements and useless social programs that throw good money after bad...but not when you are trying to build a strong economic base that provides jobs and national revenue, or getting rid of a dictator who committed genocide against his own people, was a threat to the US and all our allies...



TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Saturday, September 27, 2008

I'm still trying to avoid politics...

.
...and it's killing me.

Telling statements from last night's debate:


Obama: "Well I think Senator McCain is absolutely right, we need more more responsibility..."

Obama: "Uhhh...Senator McCain is absolutely right, that the earmarks process has been abused..."

Obama: "...he’s also right that oftentimes lobbyists and special interests are the ones that are introducing these kinds of requests, although that wasn’t the case with me." (wink wink)

Obama: "John mentioned the fact that business taxes on paper are high in this country, and he’s absolutely right..."

Obama: "...But John is right we have to make cuts...."

Obama: "Senator McCain is absolutely right that the violence has been reduced as a consequence of the extraordinary sacrifice of our troops and our military families..."

Obama: "And, John, I — you’re absolutely right that presidents have to be prudent in what they say."

Obama: "Senator McCain is also right that it’s difficult. This is not an easy situation. You’ve got cross-border attacks against U.S. troops..."

Obama: "Senator McCain is absolutely right, we cannot tolerate a nuclear Iran."

So... Is Obama ready to lead?


I don't think so, but he sure seems to be ready to follow McCain...

Ghod, I cannot wait for the election to be over...

Friday, September 19, 2008

Piratical Humor

What's a pirate's favorite socks? Arrrrgyle.

What is a pirate's favorite Bruce Willis Movie? Arrrrmageddon.

What's a pirate's favorite food? Arrrrrtichokes.

What's a pirate's favorite basketball move? Jump hook.

How do pirates make their money? By hook or by crook.

Why do pirates make excellent fishermen? They know how to "hook" the big ones.

Where do pirates find their birds? Parrots Without Partners.

Why don't pirates use a safe deposit box? They put their valuables in Davy Jones' Locker.

Who's the pirate's favorite actress? Diane Cannon.

Why did the pirate refuse to say, "Aye aye, Captain"? Because he's only got one eye.

How could the pirate acquire the ship so cheaply? Because it was on sail.

Why did the pirate not learn how to bowl? He had a severe hook.

Who was the pirate's favorite musician? Carlos Bandana.

Why couldn't the pirate stop thinking about sailing? He had ship for brains.

What has 12 arms, 12 legs and 12 eyes? A dozen pirates.

How do pirates eat on their ships? Slurp soup on the sloop.

How does a pirate greet a prostitute? Yo Ho.

What's a pirate's favorite companion? Hooker.

What exercise is hard for Blackbeard? Pirate Pilates.

When boxing, what's a pirate's favorite punch? Left hook.

What's a pirate's least favorite animal? Beaver.

What do you have to watch for when sitting down on a wooden toilet? Long john slivers.

What does a pirate put on toast? Jelly Roger.

What's is called when a pirate seeks treasure? Booty call.

What's a pirate's favorite movie? Booty and the Beast.

Where do pirates buy their sketch pads? Arrrrrrrt Supply Store.

Where do pirates drink their beer? In schooners.

Which pirate ship has a gate? A Frigate.

What is a buccaneer? Pretty high price to pay for corn.

Where does a pirate store his workout clothes? Davy Jone's Locker.

What kind of look does a pirate give right before walking off the ship? A blank stare.

How does a pirate tell his matey he'll watch for him? I'll keep an *Aye* out for you.