Friday, February 27, 2015

Running Commentary On The Way In To The Office

What the actual fuck....?

You're looking for that pedal on the right, there, Speedy...

Yeah- that Obama sticker on your hybrid is kinda faded. You need a newer indicator that you're a douchebag...

Don'tchangelanes-don'tchangelanes-don'tchangelanes-don'tchangelanes-DON'TYOUFUCKING CHANGELANES!! Fuck! You changed lanes!

Shit- is that a cop?

Oh, you are such a moron!

Really? 35 in a 55 zone?

Everyone keep driving...that's right... Keep the traffic moving...

(While waiting in the turn lane)
Stop texting and watch for the light to turn green, dumbass.
Gorrammit! LET'S. GO. ASSHOLE. ifimissthisfuckin'lighti'mgonna... SHIT!

Jeebus, some people need killin', and you're one of them.

TBG -  Two-wheelin!

The States - #4 in the Series

"My State" by a Local

But their jelly is awful on toast.

Low gas prices=worst roads in the US.

Everyone commits 5 felonies a day.

...Or confiscate it.


Saturday, February 21, 2015

Old Money Dog - In Case You Were Curious... he got that way.



Friday, February 20, 2015

So Close...

...and yet so far.

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

Old Money Dog has needs too...

Jeeves needs to take one for the team...

Either let him finish, or at least fake an orgasm, Jeeves.


The States- #3 in the Collection

"My State" by a Local

Home of falsified birth certificates and dope-smoking Presidents.

Not sure of where this is.

"Other Stuff" =  World-class political corruption and organized crime

So untrue. They have St. Elmo's and the Broad Ripple Brewpub...


Thursday, February 19, 2015

OMD Perpetuating Urban Myths

Old Money Dog prefers loose leaf notebook paper to Hammermill Bond.


Wednesday, February 18, 2015

I got dem Sitting & Waiting for My Delayed Flight Blues

Reading the headlines as I wait for my SECOND delayed flight today.


Fuck United Airlines
(My connecting flight that I was re-booked on from Houston to SFO is delayed...)


So I'm reading the headlines in my news reader...
I had caught Airport-CNN trumpeting the White House's ObamaCare figures-
ZOMG Eleventy Millions Covered! earlier this morning as I waited on my first delayed flight.
And now for the real story...
<full-on political rant about the lying sack of shit occupying the Oval Office Obama and his fecklessness, complete disregard for the truth, and his unwillingness to act like an American deleted due to rambling and lack of clarity>

Ah- fuck it. My rant got well and truly out of hand...
Fuck every one of these motherfuckers.

A dime is a dime, not 9 cents- Forbes is calling bullshit on the WH figures. Read here.

ISIS is pissed 'cause they don't have jobs?
We need in the medium to longer term to go after the root causes that leads people to join these groups, whether it’s lack of opportunity for jobs, whether… Marie Harf - State Dept spox. White House Moron Mouthpiece

Terror-fucking-ists got that way because they have legitimate complaints?
...groups like al Qaeda and ISIL exploit the anger that festers when people feel that injustice and corruption leave them with no chance of improving their lives. - B.H. Obama - LA Times
Fuck that motherfucker with ten feet of curare-tipped wrought-iron fencing. Follow it up with a 6' barbed wire dildo... What a miserable, lying, sack of shit.

What. The. Absolute. Fuck?

Gah. These flight delays piss me off.... Maybe I need a Snickers bar.

This option is looking better and better....
(At least the Socialists and Communists are well-labeled and don't masquerade as Democrats.)


OMD vs. The Dusenberg

Old Money Dog needs to establish dominance.
(Especially after the War on Vacuum Cleaners)


United Airlines SOP

Whoever had "First flight delayed, connection bumped to later flight with shitty seat" in the pool is today's winner.

You can pick up your free worldwide roundtrip ticket at the betting window...
(United gives them away because the flights never leave anyway.)


Tuesday, February 17, 2015

In Celebration...

... of the flight I'm going to be on tomorrow AM...

(From the FX series "Legit")

Welcome to my world...


OMD Needs A Motorcycle

However delightful this activity may be,
Old Money Dog will bite you if you blow in his face...
(Hint: You may need a breath mint.)


Monday, February 16, 2015

Where's Your Grammar?


OMD - Ewww.

Old Money Dog must drink from the porcelain font first, though...


Sunday, February 15, 2015

OMD doesn't know what he wants


Saturday, February 14, 2015

OMD - Dining Alfresco

Old Money Dog is going out to eat tonight...


Friday, February 13, 2015

OMD has a Uniform Festish

Old Money Dog thinks the Post Service needs some instruction...


The States - #2 in a Series

"My State" by a Local

Hey, you're the ones who legalized dope. I have no sympathy for you.

Yeah- I would want to get too far from my guns either.

Two words: Joe Biden

And the further south you go, the further north you are. Welcome to Dade-Broward, the 6th Borough of NYC.

The truth doesn't always have to hurt...


Thursday, February 12, 2015

Apps for You: Waze

Are you using Waze?
If you do a lot of driving, you should.
Find it in the Google Play store...

Its pretty handy for getting alerts about traffic blockages, rerouting, and the occasional speed trap.
(Saved my bacon twice on the way back from N'awlins last month...)

The po-po are making a stink because of that- they hate when someone takes away their advantage when it comes to revenue redistribution...
However they are covering it up with the "ZOMG, the crazy cop killers will know 'zackly where we are, so if Google doesn't shut down that part of the app, you're gonna see a rise in cop killings!!1l!" argument.

Does anyone else think this is a little over the top?
After all, if a cop killer wants to find cops, he can look under "Police Stations" in the phone book.
Or even "Dunkin Donuts" if he really wants a target-rich environment...


OMD has the Blues (but not reds or aqua).

Old Money Dog has issues with traffic lights too...

Canine color blindness.


Wednesday, February 11, 2015

OMD and the Infernal Machine

Old Money Dog is outraged!


Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Makin' Good Time....

This choo choo is haulin' ass...

OMD - Berber is better!

Buttocks! I meant to say buttocks!


Letters To People Unlikely To Respond: The Guy Behind Me On The Train

I know you're pissed at her and all her drama. I know you're tired of her crap and her girlfriends, and her indecision and her inability to understand the phrase "Don't fucking call me anymore"
She also doesn't comprehend "Stop calling me", " I don't fucking want to talk to you" and the ever-popular "Quit fucking calling me, Bitch" and the 200 variations on these phrases I have been hearing repeated since Alexandria Va.
Let me offer you an alternative to these ineffective pleas you have been making.

Don't. Answer. The. Phone.

Turn that thing off, call block her, or just mute the ringer and put it away.

But if she calls and you answer, you're just asking for the drama to follow you around like an albatross.


Non-Stop Talk

I'm going to have to have my left ear looked at...
I was in Car1, seat 7 when I got on in Jax... 2 minutes after settling in, a guy was assigned to seat 8, next to me and immediately started talking and didn't stop until around midnight when we hit Florence SC and the seat across the aisle opened up.
I know all about the kids and wife who are driving back to Whitefish Montana while he takes the train (win-win), his visit to St. Augustine and the Gator Farm therein, his amazement at the Castillo de San Marco, his plans for his 5 hour layover in Washington DC (Smithsonian), his plans for his 6 hours in Chicago (Museum of Science & Industry), the book he is writing (Tales of the Rich Hobo), his past trips on the Sunset Limited, the Empire Builder, the Zypher line, the Crescent line...
If this dude is not a textbook example of Mr. Too Much Information then I don't know defecation from shoe polish.
I know about his swelling feet, his liver issues, his ulcers, his diverticulitis (then stop eating those almonds, dumbass!), his missing toe (tractor accident), and his utter distaste for The French.
Dude couldn't take a hint either...
Reading on my iPad, he keeps talking.
I put in earphones and fire up iTunes... Yak yak yak.
I fire up the laptop and watch a movie (earphones) and he keeps droning on and on.
Even after his Life Story, the organ recital (oh my kidneys, oh my spleen), and his tirade about Them Goddam Frogs(!), and he finally went to sleep, he got rousted from his hijacked seat at 5:45am and woke me up with his nattering - and launched back into a recap of his Florida vacation and how bad it was going to be back in Montana.
I think my ear is permanently damaged...

At least he wasn't coughing up lung cookies like the guy 4 seats up from us...
Every time the train stopped (which was toofucking often) he was first out the door for a quick smoke- even those 1-minute stops in Bugtussle NC and CousinHump Va.
I wonder if anyone ever explained the smoking/lung damage cause and effect loop to Smokey Joe...

2 more hours to Penn Station...

Monday, February 09, 2015

Overheard in the Lounge Car

Two conductors are burning up the lines here in the club car. They're trying to roust an engineer (repair guy) to get a repair done when we get to Savannah station.

Conductor 1: "What exactly is wrong?"
Conductor 2: "We hit a buzzard coming out of Jesup."
C1: "A buzzer? What the hell is a buzzer? Is that code for something?"
C2: "A BUZZARD. A big-ass vulture. It hit the windshield and tore the wiper off."
C1: "Oh. Well, what's the big deal?"
C2: "Its gonna rain all night- need that wiper to see the tracks in front of us."
C1: "Yeah, I guess that's a good idea."

Yeah- y'think so, Sparky?

TBG - Ridin' the rails...

Lets See How This Works...

Well, if doing the same thing over and over expecting different results is the very embodiment of insanity, let's try something new...

Heading to NYC....

On Amtrak instead of United.

Let's see what happens next...


OMD - Didn't I buy you a watch?

Old Money Dog knows you can afford a pocket watch with the fortune he pays you!


Sunday, February 08, 2015

OMD - Scrumptious!

Old Money Dog is quite the gourmet!


Saturday, February 07, 2015

OMD - Slander!

Old Money Dog will not put up with such an affront!