Thursday, May 28, 2015

Only At BBQ Restaurant in the South...

...will you hear a waitress and a customer argue about the merits and costs of 4x4 off-road tires.
Her: "...Had those Firestones you like one season. Hated 'em. Useless & expensive, just like a husband with a coke habit."
Him: "No...They're great. We went rock climbing all the time when I lived in San Antone."
Her: "That's nice sweetie, but this here's Flor-i-Da, and we got mud and sand and sandy mud. Get you some Mickey Thompsons Baja MTZs; That's what I'm spending your tip money on...
Those Firestones just suck ass..."
(Drops mic,  walks off.)

Wow. Have a feeling her tire fund won't have a significant bump today.

TBG eavesdropping.

My Reputation Precedes Me


Apparently someone told them I was coming going to be in the area...

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Cannot Humor At This Time, Please Try Again Later

Blah blah blah,

Something something:
Elephant Gloryholes.

Punchline.

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Crap

I had great expectations for attending the Jamboree at A Nice Golf Course...
A couple weeks ago I was in San Francisco at Olympic for the Men's Amateur 4-Ball competition, then in Bandon Oregon, working at Pacific Dunes on the Women's Amateur 4-ball.
I had the following week off...
(That would be last week.)
I should have been getting on my little mule and riding to N 33.503331, W -82.019350 with my clubs strapped to the saddlebags and 50 or 60 fresh-water dimpled pearls (balls recovered from golf course ponds around North Florida) and a pair of football cleats instead of FootJoys (hey, you gotta improvise...).

But no. Sadly, it was not to be.
I got a call whilst in Bandon- The crew that was doing the 3D course scanning in Sacramento (for the Senior US Open) was moving on to Lancaster PA to do the scanning for the Women's US Open and needed some assistance.
Guess what they wanted me to do...

As the old movie trope goes-
"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one."

So...
When I should have been teeing off at Augusta...


I was running a Trimble TX8 scanner... A 60lb laser scanner made for creating high-resolution 3D topographical scans. (Note the sunburned noggin.)

It takes between 12 and 21 scans to cover each hole...
...And about 3-5 minutes to setup the scanner to run, 3 minutes to scan, and 2-3 minutes to hump the laser to the next location for scanning.

My man Clayton- having a little fun at my expense-
"Dude- don't even joke around - You drop that $80,000 laser in the creek and we're all going to have to move to Bugtussle Idaho to avoid the posse that will be looking for us..."

Fun fun fun...

So, Monday to Friday- I was enjoying Lancaster CC- where my pedometer told me I walked about 12-16 miles a day, lost my hat and got a really nice sunburn, while all my compatriots were playing that marvelous course in Georgia.

On the whole I really wish I was in Augusta...

I was really looking forward to the outing and seeing some of our group again, but, alas, perhaps next year...

Next up- Finals. NBA Finals.

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Pop Quiz




TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Things I Trust More Than Hillary Clinton

• A wolverine with a ‘pet me’ sign
• A mixed drink served by Bill Cosby
• A straight shave from Jodi Arias
• An elevator ride with Ray Rice
• Browns going to the Super Bowl
• Brian Williams' memory
• Pete Carroll coaching decisions
• Loch Ness monster sightings
• Pinocchio
• The Boy that cried Wolf
• A snapping turtle in a mud bath
• A Nigerian inheritance email
• A pilot alone in the cockpit
• A factory packed parachute
• A test fart in bed with the flu
• Tying Anthony Weiner’s shoes
• Harry Reid’s exercise equipment
• A kiss from Judas
• An Afghan wearing a backpack
• A Dana White apology
• Keeping my healthcare plan
• A North Korean trial
• A BIC pen that won’t leak
• A tuna fish sandwich left on a city bus
• Bill Clinton and an underage girl

H/T to KK for the coffee-snort-inducing email...

TBG

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Rumor Control: New Firearm Development

Word around the campfire is that Ruger is working with Democrats and the Obama White House to develop a new firearm...

It will be called The Union Worker

You can't fire it...


TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Wisdom

Sage wisdom that should be remembered:


"Every safety rule is usually written in blood."

Never heard that one before... and it makes such a great impression...

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

On the Shelf

Why don't we have this in the grocery store in Florida?


This shit, however, they can keep.

Seriously, Why?

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Monday, May 11, 2015

Loaded Questions: PGA Tour Pros, Champions & LPGA Players Will Vote For Clinton?

From the "You've gotta be shitting me" Department

You will see headlines that read something like -
"PGA Tour Pros voting Clinton!!"
 This is an unmitigated crock of shit...
Sports Illustrated & Golf.com does an anonymous survey of a bunch of golf-centric topics: overrated players, does the ball go too far, Best/worst course on the tour, greatest golfer, etc.
But... They went way out of their way to craft a question that would garner the results the media could use to the advantage of the Clinton Machine...

And such a bullshit question:
"If Hillary Clinton could guarantee your taxes would be cut in half, but the Republican presidential candidate would keep them the same, would you vote for her?"

Are you fucking kidding me? Can you ask a more dishonest question in order to advance your agenda?

Results: Yes 57%  No: 43%

And their 'Loose lips" comment:
"If she ever said that, she'd be lying."

Really? Y'Think?

F'ing morons.


TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Why Would You Do That To Your Mother?

So, following up on an overheard conversation last night in the local purveyor of Adult Spirits...

There were a couple twenty-somethings -male and female- at the bar along with a line of mixed geographicals -visitors and locals.
I didn't hear the genesis of the exchange, but one of the older women at the bar said something to one of the kids - obviously something uber-cool and 'winning', to which the 20-ish child replied "Yeah! Ohhh... Will you be my mom?" to much laughter...

I reflected inwardly how 1) I've heard this before, (and after doing a bit of research it's becoming commonplace) and 2) it is, in my not-so-humble-opinion, pretty damned insulting, especially in proximity to Mother's Day. Or even not close to Mother's Day...

So- your mom isn't cool enough to do shots with you, or won't let you do something risky, morally ambiguous, or perhaps illegal, so you'd like to trade up to someone who will?
Fuck you, you little shit. Don't second guess your mom...
Someday you may be in a position that you will have to guide a small person to the age of maturity and will have to analyze the 10,000 actions and decisions that become the basis of someone's existence and code of behavioral ethics. It's not an easy job- Do you think it's easy to raise a kid?
Fortunately Motherhood usually comes with a huge dollop of self-delusion...
Remember your Heinlein:
"Delusions are often functional. A mother’s opinions about her children’s beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keep her from drowning them at birth."

As I indicated, I did a moment's research and found a way too many examples -
A fairly good article on mom, #mom and momming especially in regards to celebrity momming can be found here.

And if you want to be really disgusted, check out the #mom or "will you be my mom" hashtag on Twitter.  And the opposite side is probably just as disturbing with "will you be my daughter".

(Yes, I have a sense of humor, and I understand sarcasm and satire, but Jeebus on a jumped-up skateboard, what the actual fuck is wrong with people?)


TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Saltwater...

...is my Kryptonite.

It doesn't necessarily make me weak, but it is my weakness.
Any time I'm close to the Ocean, I have to go see it... Touch it.
So, no surprise that I would wind up on the beach here in Oregon.
The shoreline here in Bandon has some amazing rock formations...

Looking north from the hotel:


Rolling surf near the south jetty of the Coquille River


Face Rock


The legend of Face Rock
Legend from the Nah-So-Mah Tribe has it that the beautiful Indian princess Ewanua was visiting tribes on the coast with her father, Chief Siskiyou, and in celebration of their visit, a great potlatch took place.

The local tribes were in great fear of Seatka, the evil spirit of the ocean, but Ewanua and those in her tribe, who lived in the mountains, were not afraid.
After the feast, while others lay sleeping, Ewanua carried her dog, Komax, and her cat and kittens in a basket and wandered down to the ocean.

She danced and played with delight, and soon placed her pets in their basket on the beach and swam into the ocean, far from shore. Unaware of any danger, she was suddenly grabbed by a fearsome creature that came out of the water.

Komax, knowing his mistress was in danger, swam out to her with the basket in his mouth and bit Seatka. Howling with rage, the monster kicked off the dog and threw the cat and kittens far out to sea. He tried to get the princess to look at him, but she refused, knowing his power was in his eyes.

Now, the beautiful Ewanua lies in the ocean, looking skyward, refusing to look at Seatka, who sits nearby. Her beloved Komax and her cat and kittens lie to the west, waiting in vain for their mistress to arise.
 - From Waymarkings.com
Cat-and-kittens and Komax are additional rock formations along the shore here by my hotel. I need to wait for the tide to be right to get a pic of Komax from the right perspective.
I was able to get the shot of Komax that I wanted...



Good boy, Komax. Sit. Stay.

TBG - - ΜAKIN WAVES

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Sunday Funny

I'll take "Marine Mammal Pickup Lines" for $1000, Alex...


HA!

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Saturday, May 09, 2015

KA CA Highway 101

CA 101 is a roller-coaster of a highway.

If you get the opportunity, take it.

My next stop - Bandon Oregon. A resort/retirement destination on the coast.
But between SanFran and there is an 8-hour trip through the Redwood Empire.

It's an amazing trip.
And holy crap those trees are huge.

A little pit stop on the way...
6 Rivers Brewing is up in  McKinleyville CA, in Humboldt County...
I stopped in for lunch-


My, my, that IS a tasty burger!

I did get a kick out of their dual-purpose coasters...


TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Friday, May 08, 2015

Kalifornia... Moving On...

I made it through the end of the Finals with no issues- small victories, eh?



So- first, a little celebration dinner-
A little dish of Crassostrea sikamea- Kumamoto oysters...
One of my West Coast favorites.
So tasty!

Next - a little 8 hour drive up the coast...

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Sunday, May 03, 2015

Mistaken Identity - California Style


I'm just barely on the safe side of the San Andreas Fault this week...

(But I still wouldn't want to be here when it lets go...
It's going to be spectacular... But I want to see it from a distance, not from my window.)


I'm at The Olympic Club, working the Men's Amateur 4-Ball tournament for Fox and the USGA. Fun fun fun.
(For some reason, that logo reminds me of the Indy 500 or the Detroit Redwings... But I digress.)

One interesting thing is listening to people that reside here in Kalifornia-
My previous posting (LeftCoast and Redistribution) was an overheard conversation on the airplane on the way out here. It was tempting to kick open the door and have the idjits walk home from 36000 feet, but alas, that would get me talked about, so I suppressed the urge.

Today's 'WTF?' conversation was on the bus heading to the course at 5:00AM...
(Yes, Bus. No parking at the course, so I park and shuttle in with the volunteers.)

A couple Volunteers, an older retired man & wife were sitting behind me... they are obviously Not From Around Here.
We are taking the shuttle bus in from Westlake Park in Daly City.
These folks are big golf fans- and I guess they think the world is very golf-centric.

Old Woman: "We're in Daly City California... Isn't that nice?"
Old Man: "What's nice?"
OW: "They named this place for John Daly."
(The bus is driving down John Daly Boulevard...)
OW: "Must have been before he really let himself go..."
OM: "Maybe he was born here or something..."
TBG: *facepalm*





He's a nice guy and all, but how can you possibly think they'd name a city after him?

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Friday, May 01, 2015

Common Core Math Problem

The Big Guy has 10 pieces of bacon.

A LeftCoast progressive redistribution expert takes 5 pieces to give to an entitled  establishment-protesting hipster who is on welfare since he can't get a job with his Transgender Studies degree.

How many pieces of bacon does The Big Guy have?
How many 9mm holes does LeftCoast have?
How many tears does the Hipster cry when he doesn't get any bacon?
Who will reimburse TBG for his investment in 9mm rounds?

TBG- just doin' the math...

No Surprise About This...

Its May Day, and according to local news here in the Land of Nuts & Flakes there are multiple protests planned...
They will be memorializing all the recent protests elsewhere (Martin, Garner, Brown, Gray, ad nauseum) by blocking traffic and driving up the local PDs overtime income "to show solidarity".

Interesting that CA has no qualms with adopting a major Communist holiday and making it their own...

Left-fucking-coasters.
I cannot wait for the San Andreas Fault to cut loose. (But it would be nice if it waited a few more days.)

TBG - appalled, as usual.

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Why Do I Even Make Plans?

The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men
Gang aft agley,
An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,
For promis'd joy!
 - Tae a Moose - Robert Burns, 1785

That big-assed squall line has been hanging over Brunswick and St Simons Island all friggin day..

RTE SouthernSoul BBQ is looking bad...


TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Ride to Eat

It looks like things are going to start moving quickly pretty soon, so I think some recreational eating is in order before I head out for Parts Unknown...
I believe I'm going to take a little Ride To Eat- a motorcycle trip with a gustatory destination in mind...

Southern Soul Barbeque in Saint Simons Island will be the destination...
Been here a couple times, and once more before I'm banished to the Left Coast should give me a good Southern BBQ base to tide me over until I get back from the Land of Fruits & Nuts.


On Tuesday it's Hammer Time- they cure and slow smoke hams, on Tuesday is the day they serve them...

They are amazing...

Anyone game?

TBG - Ridin' hungry...

Friday, April 24, 2015

Friday Afternoon Relaxation

Sitting in the backyard with the Girls, enjoying a rum drink and a good smoke, watching our crop of Anolis sagrei chase the flying insects...

Enjoying it while I can...
4-Ball, NBA Finals & other events are just around the corner.

TBG - Smokin'

Thursday, April 23, 2015

The NYPD Are Getting A Little Rowdy These Days...


Man... Now they're shooting dead people...
What is going on in that town?! Has the Zombie Apocalypse begun?

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Mmmmm. Porrrn.....

Oh, I just loves me some good hi-res porn...


TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Traffic Control, or Lack Thereof...



Holy crap...

Having driven in Beijing and Shanghai, this traffic isn't that different-
but the pedestrians- walking through the center of the intersection. Yikes!

I think that corner on the right would be a great spot for a body shop or an urgent care clinic...

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Sad News



I was fine right up until the service info...
"...At 330, for about 20 minutes."

I blew a snot bubble on that one...


TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Monday, April 20, 2015

Going Overboard


Boy the spammers, scammers and phishers are really pulling out all the stops now...

I got this in my inbox this afternoon:



Trying to do some due diligence on this...
St. Ass says the nice folks we were working for in Sochi nominated us...
(I assume he meant the entire team. If its only St. Ass and YT, fuggetaboutit.)

I do have to wonder what the category was, though...
Most Khatchaipuri eaten in one sitting?
Outstanding performance while lusting after the Canadian women's curling team?
Highest number of Starbucks double-whip, half caf-half soy skinny caramel macchiatos drank in a 24 hour period?

(I won't be able to attend anyway- I'll be in SanFran, up to my eyeballs in Amateur Golf at Olympic.)

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Friday Night Lights

Been quite a week...
The equipment trucks returned from Augusta on Tuesday and Wednesday and we had our hands full offloading and repatriating the hardware for repacking and shipping to the next events...
I overdid it, of course- trying to keep up with the kids and interns in the Events department carrying cases and pushing our hardware racks...
Nothing a handful of non-steroidal anti-inflammatory pills couldn't solve...

Thursday rolled around and with it a much-looked-for meeting-
Old NFO was in town- and had a free evening in his schedule.

We met up out in Orange Park, at Whitey's Fish Camp, tucked into some tasty seafood and the conversation flowed like good wine...

Old NFO is a kindred spirit- we have similar but different experiences- especially when it comes to travel... We had a 1,001 stories about airlines, airports and the myriad of morons that try to thwart our wishes as we pursue our diverse jobs...

OldNFO: "....so we finished up, the Swedes parachuted in and built us a runway on the ice and we took off back to Iceland!"
TBG: "Iceland- wow. Never got there, but I did freeze my ass off in Finland once... We were drinking heavily and..."

As our conversation wandered I bored him with the stories from my youth and my days flying milk runs and Part35 charters out of The Flight Department in Marathon, and later how I traded bumps bruises and 2 years living in the mud blood and rum at Ft. Davis in Panama for my sheepskin at UF, to the unfortunate incident in Cienfuego.
I got to enjoy his stories about REAL flying... Everything from old DC3s to my favorite rotary craft- the Hughes 500D "The Loach", and some pretty esoteric Russian aircraft encounters.
Time flew by-
Eventually we called it a night- I offered to arm-wrestle him for the check, instead we scared the crap out of the waitress as we both made a mad grab for the bill.
Youth (such as it is) and ambition won out, I got it, but it was a close race.
(Hey- my town, my check. Next time I'm in DC, you can get it.)

In reminiscing about my days down in Panama, after I got home I had to go hunt up some uncomfortable hunks of metal I received as remembrances from my days down south...
It took some doing, but I finally found them...

 (Left: From my CO from MCDEC (now MCCDC), the center one was from a Navy REMF on our team and the coin on the right was from the guys in EF21 for their pet nerd.)

I assume the work we did and the hardware we used 30 years ago is probably still classified... even though the Samsung S5 in my pocket is smaller and does a better job at the same tasks... but 30 years ago, eh?
A lot of work went into the equipment we used, and a lot of people had some pretty high stakes in the results.
But I digress...


We stood outside talking - I had a 40 mile trip in a light drizzle so I wasn't in a hurry got start, and we stood outside talking for a bit-
OldNFO will be back in town off and on in the next few months- More work at NAS Jax.

We need to nail down a date, maybe have a BlogShoot for folks in the general area...
Maybe something in North/Central Fl- like the range in the Osceola National Forest-
We'll bring everything that goes boom, and maybe even the Caja China and roast a pig for lunch... A good time will be had by all.

So... Who's in? McThag? Borepatch? Famous Robb Allen?


TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Happy


All these big dogs love me! I'm so happy!

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Don't You Think Hillary Looks Tired?

I know this won't get much in the way of widespread attention, except for you 8 or 10 Constant Readers, but I'm going to say it anyway...

Given the scandals of the original Clinton White House (from Whitewater, Vince Foster, Monica and impeachment, including the petty shenanigans like removing all the 'W's from the keyboards before vacating the premisis), the current up-to-his-big-ears controversies and outright lies and prevarications, and the crap Hillary pulled as SecState (do I need to enumerate them?)... And the ensuing lies, deceit and chicanery following her resignation, why the absolute F*CK does anyone think she'd be an honorable and forthright Chief Executive?

Is the average American that gullible?

Ghod I hope not...

Human Shaming




TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE