Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Damn. I'm heading for a Safe Space.

Shots fired at Yankee Pier at SFO.

Getting a bite before my flight to IAD...
A couple guys sit at the counter with me, start to place their orders...
Ancient Asian Waitress: "Watchoo want drink?"
Guy1: "Water and coffee- black."
Guy2 (to Guy1) : "So... Hot, bitter and resentful?"
-short expectant pause-
TBG: "Wow. Check please!"

TBG- [Exit- Pursued by an elephant seal]

That's the best choice for me?

Jeebus Pete!
I get to bomb around the Bay Area in a 5.2 Litre Banana?
Sure, after I fold myself into a pretzel and shoehorn my not-so-inconsiderable ass and gut into the stitched leather seats.

It was ok, but I'll take Avis up on an exchange option next time.

TBG - Exit- [Pursued by a Mustang]

Monday, April 25, 2016

Please define "Safer Communities" for me?

From our "AYFKM?" File:

It seems the Obama Administration has been digging into the DEA's evidence locker and taking the tainted acid tabs again. 

The Department of Justice (DOJ) will be taking new actions to facilitate the re-entry of former prisoners into society, President Obama announced in a video released Saturday.

The DOJ is focusing specifically on building up "strong re-entry programs" and showing how they can "make communities safer," according to the president.

I guess Obama has a bizarre idea of how to make safe communities.
Perhaps he can employ some of his released prisoners on his Secret Service detail if they are so good at safety and security efforts....

And regarding releasing 600,000 prisoners into the mainstream every year:

"It's about making sure that we live up to our ideals as a nation."

I'm really tired of getting lectured to about American Ideals and "That's not who we are."

TBG -[Exit - pursued by a badger]

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Job Interviews

I've been trying to fill a position here at work...
Some poor bastard lucky candidate to handle IT services for one of our clients...
Needs IT skills, proven track record in project management. The usual KSAs.

Yours Truly: "So... Describe yourself in one word."
Poor Bastard Lucky Candidate: "Great at following directions."

** [Heavy sigh] **

The search continues.

TBG - - [Exit - Pursued by a bear]

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Traffic Thoughts...

Out at lunchtime today to run an errand...
Got caught behind a old beater Buick that just positively screamed "Axe Murderer at Wheel".
(You know the type- Car hasn't been washed since 1987, faded "Mondale for President" bumperstrickers. Edges of all the windows are getting that  fogging from sun damage. Can't even describe how stereotypical the driver was- long unwashed hair, Coke-bottle glasses, wifebeater shirt.)

After following it awhile it seems I was mishearing it-  the shout was really "Paedophile!"

Say what you will about those depraved motherf'ers...
At least they slow down when the go through school zones.

TBG - - [exit, pursued by a bear]

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

A Few Thoughts From Last Week

1. I learned I can drive past Brunswick / Saint Simon's Island twice and my motorcycle doesn't automatically exit the highway and streak like a BBQ-seeking missile toward Demere Rd.

2. The pollen in the CSRA will (and did) destroy contact lenses.

Micrograph of CSRA pollen.

3. If your contact lenses start hurting, TAKE THEM OUT NOW.

4. Weathermen don't know shit about weather.

5. A copperhead snake can turn a 6' sprinkler salesman into a little girl.

6. There is no 6

7. After 7 days on a diet consisting strictly of of pimento cheese sandwiches, egg salad sandwiches, industrial-strength BBQ sandwiches, and  Krispy Kreme donuts, do not -under penalty of an embarrassing wardrobe malfunction- trust a fart.

8. No running. Ever.
Best actual quote ever:
"I don't care if you're being chased by a six-foot-nine naked guy with an erection and a butcher knife- NO RUNNING." - from a cop in the parking lot in 2011

9. "What 'cha doing there?" is the Number 1 frequently asked question this week.

10. "Collecting data for the use of the Tournament" is the #1 answer. Vague and Infuriating, to be sure. (It is a tradition unlike any other. Heh)

11. If you make something foolproof, only a fool will be able to use it.

12. 30% of the people eat 80% of the doughnuts

13. Plastic cups from Augusta actually count as currency in some social circles.

14. If you fuck up or fuck off badly enough, even a good Cuban cigar will not save you from the wrath of the Volunteer Coordinator. (He's an unstable cuss.)

15. If you arrive early enough, parking isn't a problem.

16. In Augusta GA, "Because I said so." is a perfectly acceptable answer when Questioning Authority. Further question said Authority can result in incarceration. Or worse.

17. Do not attempt to use your GPS to get anywhere in Augusta between 6 AM and 8 PM on thefirst week of April.

18. Friends will help you move. Real friends will help you move bodies. Exceptional friends will trudge up and down 11 fairway for hours and hours, and still come back the next day with a smile.

19. If you mix the pink shit and the brown shit with a little of the blue shit, it's almost drinkable.
(But save all 3 cups. See #13.)

20. Don't piss off Susan.


Thursday, April 07, 2016

Golf Stuff: Best comments regarding Ernie Els' 7-putt on Hole 1 at the 2016 Masters

His caddy was just standing there like ... "well, there goes my paycheck for the week"

I usually start the "one of us!" chant, but fuck, that's not even one of us, man.

This will go down with the biggest disasters of all time.... Challenger explosion.... Chernobyl.... Ernie Els opening hole of 2016 Masters.

He will henceforth be known as Ernie "Motorboatin'" Els...  putt-putt-putt-putt-putt-putt-putt

Since breaking the club into 2 or 3 pieces and throwing it in the nearest trash can would be as unacceptable as tossing it into the nearest lake at Augusta, I would calmly walk over to a child in the audience and give it to them, then putting with literally any other club for the rest of the round.

The elusive Sextuple bogey!

Gawd that was painful to see...


Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Are My Values That Skewed?

I read an article today citing a poll of golfers and what's they'd be willing to do to play a round at Augusta...  (Full Article Here)


A round at Augusta National. It is pretty much every golfer’s dream isn’t it? In a recent Twitter poll 44% of those questioned (283 golfers) said they’d move the most expensive day of their lives to accommodate it.

With the average wedding costing north of £30,000 ($43,000 - TBG) according to Brides Magazine it is safe to say that golfers value a round at the host venue of The Masters pretty highly.

And it isn’t just weddings that might suffer for that elusive tee time, 34% said they’d miss their child’s birthday to fit in a round. So, with more than 70% of the votes, it would be safe to say that a date at Augusta National is worth more than some potential strife at home.

Despite the potential cost of moving a wedding being a large one, golfers weren’t happy to put their money where their mouth is with just 10% of respondents willing to part with a year’s salary. With UK average salaries now around £26,500 ($38k - TBG) (via Office for National Statistics), a round at this Georgia’s most magnificent golfing masterpiece could cost you more than £6,500 ($9,300-TBG) an hour (presuming a four hour round). At this hourly rate you’d be nearly in the leagues of Wayne Rooney (£6,770 an hour)* or Cristano Ronaldo (£7,800 an hour)*. So, I guess the benefit of this is that you’ll now know what it feels like to spend it like a footballer, even if it means you don’t have anything left for the rest of the year.

Now, for those people that know golfers you’ll be very surprised by this number. 12% of those asked said they’d be willing to give up golf after their round. Happy in the knowledge that they’d played the best course they could. Their spikes (soft we hope, so not to mess up the lovely greens), hung up. Their clubs now on eBay and their weekends now free. I guess the only reason why this might be believable is that there probably wouldn’t be enough time for them to play golf, they’d be spending all of their free time telling people about “…the time I played Augusta National…my 8 on 12 was the greatest 12 you’d ever see…”

So, there you have it, from changing wedding days to giving up golf, it turns out a round at Augusta National is something golfers would do almost anything for.

Astute Constant Readers (God love all four of you) might remember that it really wasn't that big of a deal for me to miss out playing ANGC last May...
So I have to ask, am I that fucked up that, although disappointing, it wasn't The End Of My Existence to miss out playing at that well-manicured lawn?


Tuesday, March 29, 2016

This Guy Works At My Local Gun Store...

He's a small-arms dealer...


Friday, March 25, 2016

Things Not To Fuck Around With - A Work In Progress

  • Hard drugs. 
  •  Unprotected sex. 
  • Street racing. 
  • Radioactive stuff.
  • Electricity and plumbing. 
  • Dangerous animals. 
  • ISIS. 
  • Angry big women. 
  • Daddy's girls. 
  • Super religious people. 
  • Texas (duh).
  • Police. 
  • Fast food. 
  • Vegas
  • Hill folk.
  • The ozone. 
  • Bad shellfish
  • Spiders and poisonous snakes.
  • Ouija boards and fortune tellers. 
  • The IRS.
  • Prostitutes.
  • The Bank
  • Pimps. 
  • Moose.
  • The Cook.
  • Bikers. 
  • Wasps
  • Gang members.
  • And Susan at the office. 

Additions to the list are welcome.


Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Thursday, March 17, 2016

They Don't Learn...

Lots of stories about the rank and file GOP Senators starting to cave on Obama's SCOTUS nominee...
People That Should Know are all espousing the opinion that the nominee will not only get a hearing but will most likely be confirmed due to chicanery and intrigue... 

Seems to me that the current crop of pseudo-Conservative RINOs that were elected to put a stop to the Progressive Agenda are obviously not seeing what is going on in the election cycle...
Most folks say Trump's popularity is due mostly to people being pissed at the business-as-usual politics in DC...
You would think the entrenched politicians could read the writing on the wall and start squaring their asses away.

Sadly,  it probably won't happen...
The will keep making the same dumb decisions in the face of thr obvious  contrary public opinion. 

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Sausage. Party.



Thursday, March 10, 2016

Morons with Too Much Money

Just a couple notes regarding Trump-brand crap...

1.  Why the hell would anyone buy anything with a Trump logo?
Trump wine?
Trump magazine?
Trump steaks?

Are you kidding?

Would you buy a steak from this grinning idiot?

2.  If you had the bad sense to buy/invest in anything Trump-centric, you really should not complain*. You know the guy is a 100% self-centered charlatan.** You bought that ticket,  you have to sit through that movie and shut the fuck up.

3.  The above comments are especially applicable to any student who shelled out a metric fuck-ton of money to garner a "degree" from Trump University.
What did you really expect,  an employer would see that TrumpU credential and think "Wow. That guy is an obvious intellect and knows how to make sound financial decisions. I'm gonna hire the shit outta that guy."?

We, collectively, are soooo fucked.


* I would be sofaking embarrassed about getting fucked out of my money by such outright false and dishonest means - But it's like that money-back guarantee on that ED non-drug Enzyte promoted by Smilin' Bob... They bank on the fact that you'd be too embarrassed to file for the refund.
And see what that got them...

**Obviously cut from the same cloth as our current POTUS.  If (Ghod help us) Trump is elected,  it will definitely be a case of Orange is the new Black.  [I hate that SNL came up with that...]

Monday, March 07, 2016

Hey KX59, WTF?

If you do a search on Teh Google for "Florida Man", you usually get some pretty entertaining results.
It looks like, however, Houston is trying to give Florida a run for the money...


Tuesday, March 01, 2016

Last Friday - Southern Soul Style

Some pics from last Friday's trip to Southern Soul BBQ with Ben...

We made it to Southern Soul in a little under 90 minutes. Not bad considering I-95 traffic and 2-lane roads in South Georgia.

The line was pretty long, but it gave me time to resolve my dilemma - Prime Rib sandwich or the Prime Rib plate?
I opted for the sandwich AND a link of Andouille sausage... Next time I'll have the plate. It looked so good but I opted for variety without (too much) gluttony.

Normally there would be pictures, but we were so hungry that sustenance took presidence over web content.
Lunch was amazing. 
If you have the opportunity, go to Southern Soul on St. Simons Island.

We took Hwy 17 back rather than deal with I-95 again. A little more relaxed ride.
17 cuts through Glynn County down to Woodbine and Waverly GA then crosses the St. Mary River into Florida.
I felt the need to stop for a photo op near the old-style Florida sign.
All in all a very enjoyable trip...
I brought smoked turkey and chicken home for the girls, so a return trip is assured.
(As long as I remember to bring take-out home with me.)


Friday, February 26, 2016

Saddle Up!

My schedule has been a bit FUBAR since New Years...-
I've either been out of town, initially in Sydney, slow-roasting, and lately at a rather cold locations, like Nashville or Toronto and last week, Minnesota.
This week it's Hector the Connector's turn in the barrel out in Denver at the second NHL Stadium Series game.
Have fun out there ese.
I'm fixin to do a little attitude adjustment myself today...

On the books: Ride To Eat, attempt #2.
The scrubbed attempt a couple months back almost a year ago was a disappointment...
The Plan - The Reality
*le sigh*

Today, after I beat a few NBA details and a few issues from A Nice Golf Course into submission, The Bug and I are going to head north to St Simon's Island and hit my favorite BBQ place in the North Florida and South Georgia - Southern Soul BBQ.

(Not knocking 4 Rivers Smokehouse, but Southern Soul is f'ing awesome.)
I was there back in August- swinging by after a trip to South Carolina- on an insanely hot afternoon in the middle of a really taxing ride... Today's trip should be a little better.
Ben has been itching for a nice long ride on his Japanese Space Vehicle (a blinding white Honda Goldwing) and my little horse has just had a complete fluid flush-and-fill on all systems, so while it's still cool enough we're hitting the road. At least for one afternoon...

At the end of the rainbow:

(pic lifted from Some Kinda Good)

On the menu:

Constant Readers have heard me extoll the virtues of SSBBQ before.
I've had the Barbecuban, I have been here for Hammertime Tuesday, and indulged in their brisket and burnt ends...I have even taken home pulled pork,chicken, ribs and pimento cheese for the family when I was feeling benevolent and kind-hearted (a rare occurrence).

This is the Thursday daily special - house-cured pastrami:

(Pic by SSBBQ)If that doesn't inspire you, take your vegan ass down the street and go nibble on the crabgrass and acorns.

Today being a Friday, it's Pit-Fired Prime Rib day...

(pic by SSBBQ)
And there is a side mission:
Over dinner with The Woman and the Perfect Child last night I was gloating over my plan and was asked  requested  demanded commanded to bring some smoked turkey home for them.

We'll see.
I'll definitely get some take out...
Whether it makes it all the way back to the Humble Abode is another story entirely.


Monday, February 22, 2016

I Have A Filthy Mind surprise there, eh?

But...seriously, what did YOU think it was when you first saw it?

(Sir Mix-A-Lot is in negotiations, I hear...)

Another angle...not quite so prevocative.

TBG - my anaconda don't want none, Hun.

Thursday, February 18, 2016

Friday, February 12, 2016

Turning Ugly in Toronto

....And we have 10,000 gallons pounds (thanks Jim) too much on fuel on the plane.
Looks like there will be a delay.
We only have a 40 minute connection time in DC...
I have a bad feeling about this.

Observations: Toronto

Lester Pearson sucks.
(The airport, not Lester himself. At least I assume. I've never met him.)
Canada C&I - Nexus is awesome.
Jeebus it's COLD!!
Downtown Toronto has some great undergound passages to get from one place to another... I assume some Torontonians don't see the sky between November and April.
If you're looking for good Chinese food downtown, Hong Shing on Dundas is a good place to go. If time and travel are not an issue, head out to Markham or Richmond Hill. Tell 'em Uncle Jay sent you.
In Toronto, even if you have a rental car, Uber is your friend. (At least for the moment.) Taxis and parking are stupid expensive.
There is a preponderance of Bernie '16, Feel the Bern, and Hillary! bumper stickers on Ontario-tagged cars.
Too many for my taste...
Tells me everything I want to know about the average Canadian's  Socialist/Progressive leanings.
Stay in your lane, assholes. We're trying to run and election down here south of 48 degrees. If you want a say in our politics, pony up, immigrate legally, and pay your fucking share of taxes down here.
Otherwise, STFU.
Did I mention it's fucking COLD here?
Good poutine is pretty good.
Bad poutine is fucking awful.
For a red meat fix downtown, Copacabana Rodizio on Adelaide St. can put you in a meat coma in short order.
The parmesan sirloin is amazing. And the cinnamon pineapple is to die for.
There is a dearth of signage at Lester Pearson... Hey airport authority, how about some signage on the train, the parking garages, and some of the smaller access roads.
F this place. I'm outta here.
It's too fucking cold.

Monday, February 08, 2016

Tires, Weather & Conditions

I had been having a little issue with air pressure in the FJR in November and early December.
Before I went to Australia, the back tire would lose about 10lbs of air overnight.
Somehow the problem spread to the front tire over the holiday and on my return both tires were flat.

I keep a mini compressor in one of the panniers and was quickly back to pressure, but the front tire would drop 20 lbs in just a couple hours.

 Did you know you can buy motorcycle tires on Amazon for about 30% off what the dealers charge? Yeah-
One dealership said they install their tires free, but the same model tires were almost twice as expensive as the ones I had shipped in.
One wouldn't install customer-supplied tires on a bike at all, the third place I called said they'd do it but it would be $140/tire (basically 2 hours labor per tire).

 I rang up the guy who hunted down my electrical problem last year- He quoted me a flat $120 to do both including new stems.
Sold American!
So now the FJR has new shoes, and I don't spend 30 minutes pumping up my tires in the morning and before I head home from the office.

 Last week the temps were pretty moderate here in North Florida...
Highs were topping out in the high 70s- and surprisingly, all the two-wheeled SMTers had the same thought...
Yeah- love to see all the different bike styles lined up in front of the building...

Weather has deteriorated some this week-
Pretty cold this AM...
Constant Reader & proofreader-from-a-distance Luc shot me a note with a spelling correction (thanks dude) and we touched on my travel for this week as part of the conversation.
Luc's from Canuckistan, where he last saw his lawn in October and won't see real (local) dirt again until April.
I was lamenting that I was heading to Toronto in the AM which he found amusing.

Having just rode in from the Beaches in high 30-degree temps, I really didn't see how a couple days in Toronto would be any different that just staying in Jax.
I'm not sure he believed me...


Sydney - Neglected Point of Interest

I forgot one point of interest in old Sydney that would be of interest to one or two Constant Readers.
OldNFO and Brigid would most likely really enjoy the bookstore I found up in Millers Point...
On Argyle Place, just up from Lord Nelson's is an itty bitty specialty bookshop...

Sadly, when The Woman and I swept past, the "Out for Tucker" sign was up, and I never got back during business hours...
Next December I will visit again and try to get some interior shots...


Australia Items - 2015-2016 - Part 5

For the last 3 years I have assiduously avoided the big New Year's Eve show in Sydney...
This year needed to be different since The Woman was in town.
YOLO and all that.

We had access to the Royal Botanic Garden for the New Year's Eve fireworks show... The problem is that you have to get your spot early, and stay in it through the evening. It's first come, first served, and if you snooze, you lose (your spot).

Lots of folks on their blankets as we wait for sundown and the early fireworks at 9:00.

The fired up the projectors on the bridge pylons as the harbour darkened.

If you look in the foreground you can see the crowds along the shore near the Opera House.

No one can convert money into smoke and noise like Sydney - $7 Million in fireworks blown off in 12 minutes.

It's pretty impressive.

I shot a little video of the finale...


Saturday, February 06, 2016

Australia Items 2015-2016 - Part 4

Australia with The Woman Who Knows Most Things - 2015-2016

We headed back down to Darlington Harbour and the downtown area-
Lord Nelson's was our fisrt stop after a quick walkaround of the Barangaroo Reserve.

A Three Sheets ale for The Woman, and a nice cider for me, then we walked around downtown for a bit, doing a recon for New Year's Eve, then headed to yet another microbrewery-

Young Henry Brewery.

The Woman picking out her flight of beers...

Mmmm. Tasty ales!

They had some great artwork on the walls of the brewery and tasting room.

I like a good skull-motif mural.

Next - a visit with some locals- a mob of gray 'roos enjoying a lazy afternoon...

We walked around Taronga Zoo to wile away the afternoon, enjoying some of the local fauna.

A pensive wallaby and some uninterested quokkas just hanging out...

After the Zoo we headed to Manly to check out the beach and (quelle surprise) another brewery-
4 Pines.

Jen and her flight...

...And a ginger beer for The Big Guy.



Friday, February 05, 2016

Experiencing Technical Difficulties

(I know - the pics are not coming up correctly...)

Please stand by....


Australia Items 2015-2016 - Part 3

Continuing our excursion around Sydney...

We headed out to the Blue Mountains, west of Sydney.
Our first stop was near Wentworth Falls near Katoomba.

The walk we took was amazing- the trails were lots of fun...
We stuck to the cliffs... Much better than hiking down to the bottom of the falls, then back up again.

Thanks Captain Obvious-

The Woman really had fun on this hike-

Waiting out the rain under the cliffs.

There were several spots where modern-day aboriginals (other hikers) did some finger-painting...

Other hikers would get their hands in the white clay along the trail and make their mark.

Next stop was out at Echo Point, a rock formation called Three Sisters...

We were a little famished on our way back.
The Woman had asked about native Australian cuisine and it took me a bit of imagination to
come up with a proper Aussie meal. I took her to Harry's Cafe de Wheels-a local landmark for
pies and mushy peas...

In the evening we had been enjoying the Australia vs West Indies cricket test on the TV.
The KFC Big Bash  T-20 cricket was playing in the Sydney Olympic Park, so we got tickets to go see a match in person...
The Big Bash is Short Attention Span Cricket- 20 overs (6 legal deliveries per over), and plays in about 3 to 4 hours. Much better than the 5-full day regular matches.

It's a fun time for the spectators- lots of pyro, easy to follow play, cheerleaders, lots of noise and music.
And- as this is Australia- don't even think about trying to get a beer in a reasonable amount of time.
The lines for beer were the longest wait- food & snacks were relatively short- took me 35 minutes to get some refreshing beverages for The Woman and I.