Saturday, December 31, 2011

Game On

Winter Classic 2012
Alumni Game

Friday, December 30, 2011

Home Sweet Home

I will never complain about my office at the Olympics again...


Midnight TWSS

Slippers: " was bigger than I thought."
TBG: "That's what she said."


Classic Behavior

The clock is ticking... Winter Classic, Rangers @ Flyers on January 2.

Long rant about overindulgences deleted.

1. Maggiano's Family Style Dinner for 4 = Gluttony2+major indigestion

2. Going to Fogo de Chao two days later = Didn't you learn your lesson the other night, dumbass?

I've got to quit going to dinner with JR & Da Boyz.
It always ends with me french-kissing a bottle of Pepto Bismol.
Obviously, not a pretty sight.


Thursday, December 29, 2011

Horror scope.

Aries ~ The Ram

Well, Aries, the Moon is in the Seventh House and Jupiter aligns with Mars in no uncertain terms this coming week. You know your co-worker that stole the pencil sharpener last Thursday? The one with the cheeky smile? Well consider yourself in like Flynn! Yep, before the week is out you two are going to be under the covers and going at it like rabbits. To cap off the week, when you eventually turn on your phone after three days of hot sex, you will discover that you have inherited nearly a hundred million dollars from a fond uncle. You will also receive an erroneously calculated gas bill and find termites in the east corner of your house. Your lucky number is 17 - why not buy a lottery ticket - you’ve siphoned all the luck out of some other poor bastard’s universe, may as well go for broke!

Taurus ~ The Bull

Few weeks of your life will be quite as boring as this one. When you accidentally kick over a carton of orange juice on Beach Blvd on Tuesday, it will seem like an earth-shattering event to you. None of your friends will think so, however, especially Aries. Other than that, you will watch a re-run of House on TV, pick your nose until it bleeds and notice that all the cars in your street have number plates ending in 3 or 7. On Thursday you will get out of bed on the opposite side to the one you normally do.

Gemini ~ The Twins

With your sign under the influence of Uranus, this will be a real arse of a week for Geminis. An electrical fault in your motorcycle ignition system tomorrow will cause you to break down in the middle of commuter traffic. When you get off your car to look at the engine so you can pretend that you actually have a clue what goes on under there, a passing motorist will call you a ‘pugnacious lemon-brained froth-sucker’. At least that’s what it will sound like as they speed past. After you have trudged to work in a relentless drizzle you will remember that it was your day off anyway. The rest of the week is a little better, with a nice warm day on Tuesday and a particularly tasty chicken salad sandwich for lunch on Wednesday. Your lucky color is off-white and your lucky fruit is cumquat.

Cancer ~ The Crab

There’s no business like show business Cancer, and that’s no business for you to contemplate for even a second. Monday evening brings the temptation to go center stage at an after-work karaoke escapade, a temptation to which you will quickly wish you hadn’t succumbed. The video clip taken by a co-worker will be posted on YouTube and will receive 172,980 viewings. Most of those viewers will be laughing at you, not with you. You will not go into work on Tuesday, which will turn out to be a wise decision. On Wednesday you will receive news of a distant relative’s win on the lottery. You will eat a mediocre pasta dish on Thursday evening and drink a little too much red wine. On the weekend you will see a bizarre accident involving a person dressed in a bear costume and a clothes rack. Your sleep will be disturbed by dreams of escaped bees.

Leo ~ The Lion

On Monday you will be crushed to death by an unsecured piano falling out the back of a furniture truck.

Virgo ~ The Virgin

With Neptune high in the sky and Mercury on the ascendant, the next few days bring many exciting small things for Virgos. Early on there will be a letter in your name with a ten dollar voucher at K-Mart. On Tuesday a man in Liederhosen will goose you on the bus. Wednesday morning sees the commencement of a subscription to National Geographic and the afternoon brings an offer of scones and jam. Thursday you will be given a small parcel by a Middle Eastern man. It will contain Turkish Delight, a packet of cardamom pods and some spools of maroon thread. Over the weekend there will be some nice weather. You will see something funny on the TV that will cause you to snort blue Gatorade over a clean shirt.

Libra ~ The Scales

After last week, you’ll be wanting to sit down and take it easy you Librans! Which is what you’ll attempt to do, and fail. You face a week of constant interruptions, aggravations and stomach ailments. You will try to avoid being contacted by switching off your mobile phone, but that won’t work - news of a relative’s recent windfall (an inheritance due to the death of a wealthy uncle) will reach you by singing telegram. A motorcycle will break down in front of you in peak-hour traffic and you will uncharacteristically shout obscenities at the poor bastard looking at the engine. You will witness an horrific accident in which a person is crushed to death by a piano.

Scorpio ~ The Scorpion

Scorpio! What a week you have ahead! You know how you’ve always wanted to parachute out of plane at 3000 feet? No? Well that’s what you find yourself doing anyway. It’s not at all fun. Later in the week you will hit your head very hard on the sharp under-edge of a cabinet. There will be a lot of blood. But fear not! Romance is in the air! A tall dark mysterious stranger wearing a cape will give you flowers (an attractive selection of gerberas, daisies and lilies) at the bus stop. Unfortunately they will trigger your hayfever and you will spend the rest of the week in bed. An email sent to you by Bill Gates, offering you a million dollars, turns out to be spam. Your lucky number this week is 1.232 and your lucky woodworking tool is an awl.

Ophiucus ~ The Serpent Bearer

As usual, people will fail to take any notice of you this week, and you will feel transparent and insignificant.

Sagittarius ~ The Archer

A trip to deep thermal vents in a submersible is on the cards for lucky Sagittarius this week. You probably don’t think that’s likely, but it is a damn site more likely than the discovery of the alien civilization at the bottom of the ocean which follows. You find yourself front-page news along with the other 500 million Sagittarians who were down there. Your lucky color is taupe and your lucky grain is barley.

Capricorn ~ The Sea-goat

Remarkably, this week for Capricorns is exactly the same in every detail as last week.

Aquarius ~ The Water Carrier

Aquarius can look forward to a FedEx package this week. It will contain some news from Peter Popoff, with a lot of writing and a piece of The True Cross. Later in the week brings a visit from a Greenpeace representative wanting you to join up. She will give you a leaflet and a sticker. You will have a very spicy curry on Wednesday night, and some garlic naan bread. A noisy neighbor will keep you awake on Thursday by playing seemingly endless repetitions of ‘My Sharona’ on their hi-fi. Your lucky vegetable is a swede, as is your lucky National representative.

Pisces ~ The Fishes

As the week commences Pisceans might start to think that they’re going insane. As, in fact, they are. By Wednesday the hallucinations will have well and truly set in, and you’ll all be completely bonkers by 3pm Thursday. Your lucky color is paisley and your lucky prescription medication is Valium.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Classic, Continued

The rain finally stopped;
Now if the wind would drop to a manageable 30 knots or so, we might be able to get stuff done...

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Winter. Classic.

And it's raining...

Lovely. Just fripping lovely.


Monday, December 26, 2011

Bah. Humbug.

In the spirit of the Holiday Season, inspired by Dr J and his postings at The Gormogons and Famous the Borepatch's myriad of musical postings, here's one of MY favorite holiday carols, a parody of Tom Waits and Peter Murphy by the Athens Georgia group Porn Orchard...


The Whitest Rap of 2011

From our Educational Videos Department:

Following in the footsteps of Tom Lerher and his musical adaption of the Periodic Table, two Columbia University students playing Wm. Strunk and E.B. White, performing The Elements of Style.
The Elements of Style from Jake Heller on Vimeo.

“Split infinitive/Never definitive/Sounds unintelligent/Dumb and inelegant.”


Saturday, December 24, 2011

This Is Why You Grind Your Own

Poster here


Friday, December 23, 2011

Recovered Post: NBA Finals 09 -- Orlando TWSS

I was checking under the hood on Blogger this morning and found some posts that got hung up under the chassis and were never formally posted... Like this gem from back in 2009...

Rios: "I don't share my bananas with anyone."
TBG: "That's what she said."

Other fun quotes...
Sean: "...the rats are going to outlive us."
MichaelM: "Them and Cher."

Good times, good times...

Cheesy Celebs

(more after the jump)

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Car Wash to the Nth Degree

Looks like a Top Gear stunt.

Perfect Christmas Card

Terry Gilliam brings us the perfect Christmas Card, complete with gunfire, kidnappings and theft...

Monday, December 19, 2011

For Crafty Cooks

...the Melted Snowman Cookie

How to do it...


Desperate, Aren't We?

You need the Interweb to find a place to drink?

Find me a place to drink.

(But useful for unimaginative travelers.)


Sunday, December 18, 2011

Christmas Want List

Want: to do

Want: For the tree

Alas, no longer available through Blackwater Xe Academi


Want: to sneak one onto someone else's tree...



You Ain't The Boss of Me

Tam waxes eloquent on Human Nature, and more specifically, American Behavior.

Go. Read. That's an order...
Do not read it. US Gubbmint sez: It's probably bad for you.


Sunday, December 11, 2011


I think it got into the car while we were in the Plateau...

I just want to know why it's smiling...

Quite disturbing.


Saturday, December 10, 2011

More Spiders


Good Point...

Something to think about...


Friday, December 09, 2011

Can't Say I Wasn't Warned...

...Several times and in several manners.

You would think that after my last encounter with The Czar I would learn to leave well-enough alone.

Alas, any Constant Reader would know that it ain't in my nature to let  a sleeping dog lie.

So- in the last couple weeks as I traveled hither and yon across the Wasteland I have been building a force to lay siege to Castle G...
Take the battle to The Gormogons, tilt against Tcho-Tchos, maybe down a hot toddy with an antifreeze chaser at the Leaping Peacock...
I even let Them know I was coming....

The Czar did me one better, giving me and The Horde directions to the Castle and the Plateau of Leng.
The Castle travels in time and space, but can be found on the Plateau of Leng, when it appears just outside of the scenic hamlet of Fond-du-Lac, Wisconsin.

Take Route 45 North to Kinker Road, and turn right (heading East). This will become Westmoreland Drive (Exit 5). Head North to Castle Road and follow the signs.
If you reach WI- 114/10, you have gone too far North. You’ll soon know what that means.

Guests of the Castle may park in the rear for free, behind the Hippodrome. One of our Tcho-Tchos will be happy to park your vehicle for you, or at the very least, tear your seats apart with his teeth. If you need help with your bags, feel free to ask, and they will hurl them off the plateau.

Fond Du Lac
Hwy 45 North
Right on Kinker Rd

There was young man at the crossroads (possibly Dat Ho?) who handed me a wooden box containing what looked like a rusty astrolabe and a sextant made of condor bones.
"You'll need this."
The astrolabe had several additional retes, and on the back there were several zodiac signs that I didn't recognize, including a dragon, a burning tree, and a humanoid figure with a squid for a head.
Never let it be said that I can't follow directions.

Man, that water's cold. Deep too.

We found a road, of sorts.

The going got rough, then the going got weird.

When we saw the first hound of Tandalos, the Horde made a retreat that made the Italians in WWII look like Jim Bowie and the Texians at the Alamo. 
By this time, The Horde said became Yours Truly, two warriors of the F'kawee tribe, and a parrot.
The parrot was the only one who was prepared since he had that feathered coat, and the rest of us didn't even have a Union Oil map.

We started across the famous Plateau of Leng and quickly figured out is it is kind of a Mobius strip made of ice, human skin, used condoms, and pecan shells.

I started to realize the The Czar knew what he was doing when he gave us directions...
He was, I surmise, trying to teach us a lesson in metaphysical self-reliance.

It shortly became obvious what the Czar meant when he said:
"If you reach WI- 114/10, you have gone too far North. You’ll soon know what that means."
I consulted my GPS (useless), then plugged 114/10 reference into the astrolabe and then shot the horizon with the sextant trying to get a fix on our location.

We never found Castle G...but we did find something even more impressive...
We found a huge "X" inscribed in the noisome surface of the plateau as we arrived at the astrolabe's indicated position.
As we stood there, I realized that The Czar's directions had lead us to a very specific and mystical location...

We were directly above the center of the Earth.



Thursday, December 08, 2011

Angry Iceman

"I don't care who you are... Get that *%&$£ing crap off my nice clean ice."


Wednesday, December 07, 2011

I Want To See This Episode...

MythBusters stunt sends cannonball flying through Dublin home 

The Alameda County Sheriff's Department confirmed that at around 4 p.m. a cannonball was "misfired" from the Alameda County bomb range at Camp Parks and struck a home blocks away on Cassata Place.

"This cannonball was supposed to pass through several barrels of water and a cinder block wall to slow its inertia," said J.D. Nelson of Alameda County Sheriff's Department. "When the shot was fired, it misfired. The cannon lifted."
 "Don't try this at home, we're professionals" my aching, dying ass...


Tuesday, December 06, 2011

1 Corinthians 6:19

 Good food, good friends-

I made a little detour on Sunday afternoon and dropped by Waco TX for a late lunch and good conversation with Famous the Borepatch. A little rum, some great tales and catching up...
I caught the Quote of the Week during our chat:
"Bad news doesn't improve with age." came out during an exchange about how to break bad news to Upper Management.

Anyone want to hazard a guess what was on the menu?
You got it...
A chicken-fried steak the size of a Ford Pinto.

Holy Mackerel!

Astute readers will note the Uncle Jay signature move: The double-starch side dishes.
Yep- Macaroni & Cheese AND mashed potatoes.

As The Mighty Skunk opined recently:
"Your coronary arteries must really hate you."
Probably so... But with this variable weather, I prefer to believe that my cholesterol is the only thing keeping me from freezing to death.

Life's too short NOT to eat chicken fried steak...
But at least I wait to have GOOD CFS... Life is NOT too short to eat BAD chicken fried steak. (I'm looking at you, Waffle House & Cracker Barrel...)

Abe Sapien: "My body is a temple..."
HellBoy: "Not anymore. Now it's an amusement park."
-HellBoy II

If I'd know I was going to live this long I'd have taken better care of myself.


Monday, December 05, 2011


I wasn't expecting to wake up to this...

Sunday, December 04, 2011

Shine, Mister?

Gotta find me a shoeshine boy...

Ain't nothing like a little North Texas shud to screw up a pair of Nikes.

(shud: cowshit + mud + 3 days of rain)

Saturday, December 03, 2011

Shooty Goodness

Wow, I like a nice rack...

I'm having this done to my A390...
Maybe I won't shred my thumbs next time I go skeet & trap shooting.

Mmmm... Nice hardware...

(Click to enlarge)
I'm thinking about getting a Benelli M1 just so I can get one of these Xrail mag extensions. 27 rounds in the gun.
Perfect for the impending Zombie Apocalypse.

Speaking of nice hardware, how about this Gaia-unfriendly beast?
Talk about an 'extended cab'...

Ok- Back to the range...


Thursday, December 01, 2011

Eats: St. Louis

Went to Johnny's in Soulard with RickP from Scottrade Arena.


If Hooters pisses you off, don't go to Johnny's

My my my.
Yes, that is how the waitresses dress.

But the real showstoppers are the wings...
That 27 year old recipe for Johnny's Famous Hot Sauce?
It is awesome.

Frank's Red Hot sauce, Durkee's & butter...
It's like liquid love...
Angry, kick-your-ass-so-you-can-have-crazy-weasel-makeup-sex love.

They were so good, I forgot to get a picture when they were delivered.

I even finished the bones.

If you are in the area, run, don't walk, to Johnny's.
1017 Russell Blvd St. Louis MO (314) 865-0900