Like a Boss

As I am taking a break from Tennis (Shanghai Rolex Masters) and the NBA (DC, Indy, Golden State) to come to Kuala Lumpur to make a tiny contribution to the SMT-IDS Golf Department, I give you a moment of Golf Zen:

From 2010 at the Senior PGA Golf Championship at Harbor Shores-
"You want me to show ya how to putt it?"

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Current Events

So... the original plan for July was for Pete and I to take off on our motorcycles on July 1st for a one-month cross-country extravaganza, stopping (and trying to avoid arrest) in Biloxi, Baton Rouge, Austin, Taos, Las Vegas, San Diego, Ensenada, Nogales, Houston, New Orleans and then back home.

First, I had that little fairing-breaker at the end of June, then the kitchen remodel.

So instead of a relaxing trip with Pete,  I've been in Phoenix, Boston, Austin, and Durham NC...

On the whole, I have probably been fortunate that work-stuff has been cropping up.
(Except that my left leg looks like it fell into a wood chipper, but that's a different story.)
Not sure I wanted to traverse the desert on a motorcycle twice in one month. In July.
(I know, I'm a big pussy. Sue me.)

The fair and lovely DH just shot me a txt basically implying I've gone radio silent again...

To tell the truth I've just been busy as hell and things aren't slacking off...

For instance...
I was in Phoenix a couple weeks back-
While there, I got a command performance to help do an install near The Mothership in Durham NC. The project has been bandied about for weeks- but someone finally pulled the trigger.
It went something like this:

Boss: "The moved up the install- has to be done by the morning of the 25th. Just go straight to RDU from Phoenix."
TBG: "Gah."
Project Manager from The Mothership: "Oh, By the way- we can only work between 7:00pm and 7:00am to do the install."
This he says a day before I leave Phoenix to go to NC.

So, we lose a day of install, plus we have to change phase to do the install.

Once on-site in NC time doesn't stand still while I am trying to sleep through the housekeeping staff banging on my door- ignoring the DND sign AND the instruction to the front desk NOT to clean the room.
No... I get emails and phone calls all through the day...
Most notably-

Slaw: "Hey- can you go to Toronto next week?
TBG: *sigh* "Sure."
(Slaw wouldn't ask unless he's in a bind. So I'm heading to Toronto next week.)

And-

Boss: "Hey- we need you to go to Singapore to do a site survey."

 AYFKM?

 Boss: "They want you to go in mid August..."

 I have issues with this...

1. Singapore in August- For Constant Readers who are geographically challenged, Singapore is right (and I mean like 1.3 degrees) off the equator.
I think I'd probably rather be on the motorcycle in the desert.

2. Mid August is The Perfect Child's 21st Birthday.
I have already been assigned Designated Driver and Protector of Virtue for The PC, The Woman and the Gaggle of Celebrants who will be in town for the festivities.
Word around the campfire says that St. Augustine is ground zero for a weekend of overindulgence. Film at 11.

3. I also have a gig lined up in the Canary Islands for Aug 24.


Well... Someone else (Hector the Connector) can do the Canary Islands.
And I got them to push back off the from the Weekend of Debauchery in St Augustine.

But I'll have to bring a towel 'cause I'm going to perspire like a R. Kelly on a playground as I do this survey...

So... Back to the Mothership-

We're working in a small gymnasium, installing cable and equipment -
Everything going to plan... All cables and hardware work right the first time.
(Very unusual.)
I'm running extra cables for additional hardware and make a misstep and put my left leg  knee-deep into a air handler plenum. The kind that is constructed out of the metal studs that are lined with broken glass and fish hooks...

So it looks like I have been a chew-toy for a Great White, leaving pools of blood randomly around the site...
We finally finished, clean up and head out around 4 am on Friday.
I get a couple hours sleep then start driving back to Jax.

And the phone rings-

Slaw: "Hey- WTT needs someone to go to..."

TBG: "Just so you're not surprised - I've not had a whole lotta sleep in the last week and I'm about 2 quarts low on blood. Before you ask- see if you can find someone else to do whatever it is you need. If you have absolutely NO OTHER OPTIONS, I'll do it-
But it will cost you."

They found another option...

While I was away my new fairings arrived from Guangzhou! Yay!

So I've been spending a blissful couple days at home working on the FJR, doing the fit-up on the new fairings, rewiring the lights, installing new farkles and generally cleaning up the old girl before buttoning up the new Tupperware on her.

Between that and attending meetings about Singapore (Really? You're booking me on Malaysian Air? You're shitting me, right?") and NBA stuff, all is right with the world.


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Good One...

Quote of the Week
(So far...)

We were pulling out of a parking lot this evening when a delivery vehicle came blazing by, cutting us off.

As he passed by we saw the cartop sign for Jimmy Johns sandwich shop.
Our resident propeller-head piped up.

"Wow... He *was* going freaky fast."

Very impressive, young Skywalker...

TBG

Rosa Khutor Snowfall

My man SpongeMark skyped me a lovely picture a couple days ago...

"It's snowing up here at Extreme." he wrote.
A cursory glance didn't show anything spectacular...


"You have to zoom in..." he followed up.




Russian innovation...
"Quick tovarische- go to town and collect all the bedsheets from Alexandrovskiy Sad apartments. Tell them it is for The Good of the Games. Do not bring back the ones with floral pattern."

I wonder what thread-count they are using?

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

SpeedSkating Chat Goes Horribly Wrong

Overheard on Skype

(Skype chatting with SGK at Speedskating - The Nederlanders are kicking ass at the Adler Arena. SGK is running the Graphics control and I'm watching the feeds back in the IBC, and making fun of the proceedings.)

Yours Truly: Goooo to the Start..... Ready.....   Bang!
                      Holy crap, they shot him!!

SGK: They Killed Kenny!!!!!!

YT: Go...to...da..strt...ready...bang

SGK: Wish they would shoot something. Make it more exciting.

YT: Someone needs to shoot those bastards with the horns...

YT: honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk!     honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! honk!

SGK: Hey they got nothing else to do.

SGK: They could shoot the horn, it would make a big boom.

YT: honk! honk! honk! honk! honk! BANG! Hgnkghc....(Thud)

SGK: Nice

SGK: Go NEDs

YT: They are the orange people.

SGK: Yes they are.

SGK: NEDs take it again.

SGK: Go House of Orange

YT: Of course. That's all they f'ing do in Ned Land.  Skate fast and smoke dope.

SGK: Well, what else is there to do there,  grow tulips?

SGK: Stand around with their fingers in a dyke?

YT: ...fingers in a dyke...

SGK: yes I know your head exploded

YT: Because there is a difference between a Dike and a Dyke.

SGK: I hit enter and cringed when I read it

SGK:Ok a wall that holds water back then

YT: I like the other kind better.

SGK: You would

YT: Well... How entertaining is a guy standing around with his finger stuck in a hole in the wall?
The other is much more entertaining, since she would probably not be too happy about the whole situation. Might be some shouting, or perhaps bloodshed.

SGK: A new Olympics sport is born

YT: Hmm. Scoring might be a little complicated.

SGK: Wonder if it would be timed or judged

YT: I'm blogging the crap outta this.

If 'they' are monitoring Skype I guess I'll be getting my ticket punched early.
Yay.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Opening Ceremonies Fail

The Cisco guys and I were sitting in our 'office' in the IBC watching the Opening Ceremonies when the first major FAIL of the night went off...
The 5th ring in the Olympic logo didn't bloom from it's original snowflake form...


It immediately became quite the conversation starter.
Was it sabotage from the LGBT community- inserting a stylized chocolate starfish into the production?
We could see the Rainbow Commandos high-fiving each other "Yeah! We did it!"...
Some other choice comments revolved around current events and trending memes-
The incomplete logo is a tribute to the unfinished hotel rooms and broken services,
and my favorite- "Oh 5th Ring.,.. You had just one job. One. Job."
Of course there are already t-shirts available...


Get yours here.


The kids up at the mountain cluster were gathered in one of the local watering holes to watch some of the fun...


SpongeMark, the young программист ученого, Marco, the Fair Mrs. Spongemark and Nick from Sanki were in a bar in Rosa Khutor- a/k/a Rosa Hooters...
SM & MSM are still suffering from their 'too much hot water' problem.
We have Top Men from NBC's hotel police on it.
Top. Men.


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

As Luc Opined:

...nom nom nom nom!

Friday was our all-company Thanksgiving feast...

The Big Hat fried 7 turkeys and I roasted a small (35 lb) pig.

I started the fire on the Caja China at 5:15am, and the pig was done by about 9:30-9:45am.

Lots of great covered dishes, especially the desserts...

Time to start picking the pork...

Yes, there was some sampling done in the name of Quality Assurance...

And it was amazing. 

The biggest challenge was keeping the bystanders from nibbling away at the finished result...

Thes was about 2/3rds of the feeding masses... 

A good time was had by all, even Yours Truly, despite the 4:30am arrival time...

TBG, working on my PhD in CajaChina Ops & Admin

Dry Tortugas Followup

The young программиста ученому фотограф strikes again...


Dry Tortugas (by Denis) from Zaton on Vimeo.

If this can't get some of you lazy bastards off your asses and come down to DRTO on a camping trip, then you just suck out loud.
(Borepatch, Luc  & KX59 I'm talking to you!)

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Incommunicado

Been kinda quiet 'round here, eh?

Been wondering why?


Because we were On the Beach...


Of course, during the 4 days we were on-island, it was never this quiet...
Once we were back on the boat heading for Cayo Hueso, it was a much more peaceful place again...
After all - 8 hard-drinking campers can only endure so much peace-and-quiet before the urge to break something overpowers one of them...
Then all bets are off.

I can happily report that all clothes stayed on for the majority of this trip...

A more detail AAR is coming anon. Stay tuned.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

KA3AHb Through a Lens

The young программист ученого shot quite a bit of footage during our visit to KA3AHb and has assembled quite a nice video of the scenery...

It's definitely worth a peek, if only to dispel the impression I might have given all both my Constant Readers that Kazan is a complete shithole from stem to stern...
Quite the opposite-
Kazan has many wonderful qualities- if one takes the time to go and find them.

Kazan (by программист ученого)

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

KA3AHb - Part 5

 - The Saga Continues -

So, программист ученого arrives 2 days late, SpongeMark arrives on the wings of disaster - including a 5 hour tour of Tatarstan when the driver bringing him from the airport got lost. (Seriously)

In that time SeanO and I got to experience some of the other joys of the house of ill repute bordello horrible shithole brothel cathouse  hotel.
It was a terrible place, really.
   
Once everyone had a chance to experience FortePiano an open rebellion quickly ensued...
Yes- it was as bad as I thought it was going to be.

In my daily updates back to HQ, I outline issues at the event site and any personnel issues...
In part of the closing I included a thumbnail description of the housing issue:

Worst hotel ever.
Sleep-deprived staff=poor performance.
Options to improve existing location are limited.
Relocation would be preferred.

Sincerely-
The Staff in Kazan

I got a reply from The Big Cheese with the throw-away closing:

“…if there is anything we can help you with, let us know.”

Wow... Well, since you asked...

"This hotel is appalling. Seriously.
I am not kidding when I tell you this is one of the worst places I’ve ever stayed.
It is a by-the-hour hotel attached to a 24-hour “sauna” (nudge-nudge-wink-wink), and the conditions are horrid. There are no wardrobes/dressers or closets, so we are living out of our suitcases.
Housekeeping is limited to towels being changed out every other or every third day (we haven’t figured out the frequency).
There are no window shades and only an ill-fitting pseudo-curtain that barely covers the window.
As the sun comes up at 4:00am at this latitude, the lack of window shades/curtains makes keeping a restful sleeping environment impossible.
And that would be if we were actually able to sleep-
This whorehouse hotel has no air conditioning of any sort. Not even a ventilation system to move air in and out of the rooms. There are small oscillating fans (one per room), but they are only able to move hot air around the room, rather than actually cool it.
(And I’ll let you imagine how efficient and well-made this small [Russian-gulag-manufactured] fan is when it comes to ‘quiet’ operation… It’s not quite as loud as someone shaking a tin can full of walnuts, but it’s damned close.)
So, to try to get some relief from the heat, you have to open a window, which is relatively safe if you are on the 2nd or 3rd floor, but not exactly safe if you are on the ground floor.
Opening the windows has its issues also…
With the windows open we get to hear the streetwalkers haggling with the Ivans, the symphony of chirps, whistles and beeps at all hours as the patrons lock their cars and arm their car alarms… And of course the inevitable alarm triggered randomly when someone closes a door too hard.
If you are near the stairway (Yeah, stairway- you think this joint would have an elevator? Hah) you get to hear the tip-tap-tip-tap-tip-tap of hooker heels tripping up and down the stairs all night. Very restful…
Restful is the key-
We are in for some long days- sunup at 4:17 and sunset at 9:40pm;
With extended hours for the schedule of play at the event, and the relatively few hours we will have ‘off’ it would be nice to be able to sleep past 4:00am, and that’s very hard when you’re sweating like a cat in a Chinese restaurant and the room is lit up like the surface of the Sun. (Some of us [Yours Truly] already sweat like a politician taking a polygraph, so it’s leaving some of us more than a little dehydrated.)
Better fans would improve things, but not much. Additionally, putting tinfoil on the windows would fix the sunrise/lighting issue, but the windows would have to be kept closed to have full effect. Probably not possible, even with a better fan.

I’ve mentioned the poor conditions at the hotel to the LTC project manager (Redacted), but Americans bitching about their hotel is probably not high on their priorities list.
Sadly- our DRIVER stays in a better hotel- he asked программист ученого why we were in such a shit-hole, that his place was much better. That's right- our driver was staying at the Kazan Kremlin Marriott.
The obvious solution is relocation, but I’m not sure what possibilities exist- программист ученого is looking into other accommodations that might be available… I don’t know how/what we can work out, but morale among the staff is pretty low at this point…

Sorry to vent, but this is redicking fuckulous.
               TBG"

I pressed the 'Send' button.
I figure I have 5 hours to get my affairs in order...

- Next up: Question to HR: Can you fire someone via email? -


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

On the Launching Pad - Part C

Past History - LTC Tennis Events

Not too long ago we did a Tennis Event for the LTC over in India...

Just before the opening ceremonies, an unwanted visitor was found in the bathroom in the tennis stadium...

This is the deadly cobra snake workers discovered slithering down a drain in Dehli's new tennis stadium just days before the Commonwealth Games are due to start.

Now, there aren't a huge number of poisonous snakes, let alone cobras in Russia...

Snakes don't bug me at all, even poisonous ones...
But if I could pick and choose finding dangerous stuff at the Tennis Academy on Orenburgsky Trakt Street, I would hold out for a free-range AK-47, an all-organic Tokarev or even a semi-domesticated Mosin Nagant.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

I Need To Find The Event Horizon

...for my office.

Shouldn't be too hard to find the Swarzchild Radius...

where:

is the Schwarzschild radius;

is the gravitational constant;

is the mass of the object;

is the speed of light in vacuum.

The proportionality constant, 2G/c², is approximately 1.48×10⁻²⁷ m/kg, or 2.95 km/solar mass.
An object of any density can be large enough to fall within its own Schwarzschild radius,

where:

is the volume of the object;

is its density.

"Why?" I hear you asking...

Because weird shit keeps accumulating inside my office.

To wit:
The NASA Surveyor 2 probe, supposedly crashed south of the Copernicus crater on the moon September 20 of 1966, has mysteriously appeared in my office.


WTF, man?

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Trouble Brewing

Sitting in my office is a device* that is just begging to be abused.


Click for a closer look

In this era of  'If you see something, say something', do you think this device, left in the front seat of a car parked, say, at an airport, might get noticed?

(The tennis ball cannon in the corner is another device needing some attention, but that can wait a bit... I actually have a legitimate use for that beast.)

*What is it?  Go ahead and take a guess.
 RobertaX might know what it is, but since she only reads this foolscap on a passing basis, she probably won't tell you...)

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Too Much Time On My Hands

Multitasking today...

Chasing down NBA stuff, prepping for a conference call with A Nice Golf Course, and dealing with passport issues for Kazan/World University Games.

A little background-
SpongeMark SquareHands had a bit of a tiff with the service company that does the groundwork in getting us visas, etc last week. They asked stupid questions and SpongeMark does not suffer fools gladly and there were words exchanged...

Which is why I was ecstatic when I got an email this afternoon-

Travel Goddess:  "Should have the passports for (Spongemark) and Chitt tomorrow.

Never one to leave an FYI email unmolested and given SpongeMark's dustup with Olga at the travel service company I replied.

Yours Truly: Huzzah!
Of course, Mark will only have a space on the visa page to ENTER Russia…
The will have neglected to process the EXIT portion.

Protip: Learn to love vodka and borscht.

As SpongeMark was copied on the email, he was quick to chime in.

SpongeMark Squarehands: I have one of those skills down already and borscht doesn’t look so bad.

Things started to get out of hand immediately.

YT: Spongemark's Favorite

Then...

Travel Goddess (who is just a bit sheltered from the ravages of event travel):"There is a vodka called 'Five Wives'?"

YT: Yep… 'Five Wives – The vodka that treats you like you cheated on every one of them.'
Of course, I chose to fly Lufthansa because they serve Effen Vodka on the flight.

No doubt, Travel Goddess is probably on the phone with HR right now...


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Belated Olympic Content

IDS Oly Staff on arrival at the IBC one morning:
"Saw the sign on the main entry door. My first thought was 'What the hell did TBG do now?'"

Yours Truly:
"The Pre-Crime Unit knows how much St.Ass is pissing me off and they are just getting ready."

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Rumor Control

Got an email the other day from The Big Bossman...

To paraphrase:
Just getting back to town after some long travels and I've got a big announcement.
Friday at 12:30 we're throwing a shindig and I'll make the announcement.

So there is a BBQ at the office today...
And 'something big' I guess.
And for some reason quite a few people (based on the emails and text messages I've received) think I have some inside track.

Sorry, y'all.
Just because I have pictures of Jingles in some "compromising situations" and there are rumors that I have installed surveillance devices in strategic locations...this hardly means that I am privy to The Big Announcement.
What I find interesting, however, is some of the ideas people have shared with me regarding The Announcement.

Some of the interesting ideas:
1. The company is being sold/taken over/bought out by a competitor.
(Most popular rumor)

2. The Company has been chosen as a campaign stop on the President's re-election effort- due to the overwhelming Left-leaning of upper management.

3. Things are going so well, the marketing department is going to forgo commissions for Q4 of 2011 to provide a 1-year leases on new Porsche's for all employees.

4. The Company has been awarded a new contract to provide scoring for the Western Australia Cockroach Racing League. The WACRL will be expanding to 5 events this year, with a potential TV contract with Cable Channel 2378.6 in Perth, Australia.

5. The lawsuit against a certain 2nd Floor Senior Manager by a drag queen in Georgia has finally been settled.

6. The Company is moving out of our luxurious building and location to a barn/warehouse facility in an abandon sugarcane field in Hendry County, to economize on overhead costs and provide better hog hunting opportunities for the propellerheads and hunting segment of our staff.

8. Hooters of America is opening a micro-cafe in our warehouse. Hopefully this will cut down on post-lunchtime absenteeism in the HelpDesk, E-Media, and everyone who reports to Jingles.

9. New travel guidelines are being finalized... everyone will be traveling to all events (including international locations) via high-speed rail, in order to support President Obama's HSR Initiatives. If HSR is not available between Jax and the event location, employees will travel via Greyhound bus. (Director level and above will travel via Amtrak for all trips)

10. The Company is discontinuing all use of Microsoft and PC based hardware. We're all Apple - all the time baby. Viva the 99%!

So... there ya are. Rumor Control at its finest.

One suggestion though for all the folks that will be attending-
I wouldn't drink or eat of the chow until AFTER the announcement...
Just saying.

TBG, still on the road.

Invasion

Somehow, Ball Position Central has been infiltrated by Ceramic Amphibians, and a raccoon.




Jurassic Frog

I guess it could be worse... At least the frogs are quiet.

They could be sending EvilTrons over here. Or carbon monoxide detectors.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Nice Golf Club Out-of-Context

Cockroach:
"I'm letting her play with it."

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

On the Street - Miami - 3/17

So... In our infinite wisdom, we were in Miami for St. Patty's Day.

Ostensibly, we were on hand to build the new SpeedServe cage for the Sony/Ericsson Tournament. It was just a happy coincidence that it was March 17th.
Kinda.

We (Gars, Jingalls & Yours Truly) busted ass all day, and with a little timely help near the end, we got the cage built.



We retired to our respective abodes off Brickell Avenue with plans to meet up for a drink and dinner...

Now- This is Miami, not Savannah.
I wasn't expecting the nightmare crowds on Miami Ave in Downtown... Wall-to-wall drunkenness doesn't begin to describe it.

When you mix Irish Drinking Tradition, A Latin Propensity for Escalation to Violent Interaction, and 5,000 people stuffed into a very small "street party" location...
Well, let's just say I had to leave VERY soon after arriving.
I have no patience for idjits who have over-imbibed before 9:00pm.

I saw more people that were hell-and-gone inebriated before a reasonable hour that night. What the hell, man? And this is Miami, for crying out loud...

I mean- I know people here can party with the best of them, but to see that many people barfing-in-the-street shitfaced by 9?
Hell, that's sign of Amateur Hour, not hardcore party people.
I mean, I would expect it in Savannah, not here in Miami.
I might have expected it on Oct. 10, Día de la Independencia, but not on St. Patrick's Day.
As I waded through the crowd trying to find Jingalls, I kept getting jostled and elbowed...Fortunately I was dead cold sober, which saved at least a couple lives.
I got tired of the pushing, shoving and getting beer spilled on me, so I flipped on my "Coming through! Make a hole!" persona and bulldozed my way to the exit...
Several overdressed Latino males took offense to getting elbowed and spilling their beer on my way out and made ugly noises and perhaps thought for a split-second about defending their machismo, at least until they the saw the author of their hurt- the 6'5 300lb sunburned ogre plowing through the crowd like a runaway D7.
It didn't hurt that the only green I had to wear was an OD Blackwater t-shirt.

I made it out to the less-crowded part of Miami Av and waited for Jingalls...
It was here that I found some interesting blog fodder, to wit:
St. Patrick's Day Pick-Up lines...

"I am SO sorry. Come back to my place and I'll wash my vomit off your shoes."

"Wow... That green beer you're drinking would look awesome barfed up all over my bedroom floor."

"Suuure I'm wearin' green. If ye stick around later, I'll show you my leprecondom."

"Ooh, your feet are HUGE! What would a girl have to do to get a look at your shillelagh?"

"I said, 'Are you drunk yet?'"

"If you're going to pass out anyway, how 'bout doing it at my place?"

"Lassie, it's your ancestral duty to drive the snake out of my pants!"

"I'd like to invite to come catch a leprechaun with me. Maybe together we'll get Lucky!"

"I'm the Magical Leprechaun, and ye caught me, lass! Now I can grant ye one wish, as long as it involves sex."

And last...

"Hey! You wanna (mumble) leprechaun (mutter) my shillelagh (burp) o' the morning to ye (vomit)?"

Alright, back to Jax tomorrow...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE