That Ought To Hold Them For A While

Delivery time... A new shipment arrives at the Kardashian's house...

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Immoral Imperative - It Must Be Blogged Immediately

We are in lovely Pennsylvania - just outside Lancaster for the US Women's Open.

This place is just teeming with Mennonites and Amish.

Throwing a bunch of our guys into this kind of environment is just asking for trouble, since some of our folks don't have filters, or at least don't use them, while talking/interacting in public...

Case in point...
Just to the east of Lancaster is a place named (to the delight of snickering schoolboys everywhere) Intercourse PA.


 Of course, this becomes a topic of conversation at lunch-

Uncouth Guy1 "Intercourse? Why the fuck would they name the place that? Ha!"
Uncouth Guy2 "I wonder if all the stores & streets are as inappropriately named?"
UG1: "Edith's House of Sex Toys and Apple Butter!"
UG2: "At the corner of Rusty Trombone and Angry Dragon?"
UG1: "Yeah- right next to Dirty Sanchez Plumbing Supply."

Gah.
This is why we can't go anywhere nice.


TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

My Reputation Precedes Me

Apparently someone told them I was coming going to be in the area...

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Cannot Humor At This Time, Please Try Again Later

Blah blah blah,

Something something:
Elephant Gloryholes.

Punchline.

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Old Money Dog has needs too...

Jeeves needs to take one for the team...



Either let him finish, or at least fake an orgasm, Jeeves.


TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

OMD - Ewww.

Old Money Dog must drink from the porcelain font first, though...




TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

OMD - Dining Alfresco

Old Money Dog is going out to eat tonight...




TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

OMD - Scrumptious!

Old Money Dog is quite the gourmet!



TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Memories From This Time Last Year...

'Round about this time last year I was on my way to Sochi and all the 'fun' that was endemic therein. Thereof. Therefor. Whatever.

I am reminded of this because of the 'entertainment' I am getting as I am waiting in the Sydney airport waiting to see if I actually will be on my 'tentatively rebooked' flight to SFO, ORD and finally JAX.

There is a couple and their little girl sitting across from me, and the the little crumbsnatcher is the most girly-girl I've ever seen... She's got two Barbie-type dolls and she's having the best time.
She's the best behaved young'un I've seen in a good long while.


It's the Barbies that are reminding me of Sochi, and a lesson I learned whilst in-country...

Basically it comes down to this-
Barbie dolls and their ilk have given us an unrealistic image of women...



I realized this in Sochi ...
I discovered that Russian girls don't contain a number of smaller Russian girls inside them.
Wow. Who knew?




I know... I'm warped and depraved...
Just keep your distance and we'll all get through this.


TBG - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Tech Support: Notes from the Battlefield - Part 2

-Fuck It, I'm Done Edition-

So... Part of this job is doing end-user connectivity support.
Someone has a tablet, smartphone or laptop and can't log into the internet because of an authentication issue, and we get a call-out.

In the last few days, there has been some issues on machines where you have to disconnect from the correct network and try to log into the wrong segment, then go back to the right one- THEN you get the log-in screen.
The IT Infrastructure group is working on the problem... I figure it will take them another 6 to 10 days to get back with me, so in the mean time we will do this SSID switcheroo in order to get people working.
(I'm all about expediency. Problem solving. Gettin' it done.)

So... Mr. Samsung Tablet is having an issue getting on line this AM...

I do the network segment swap- connect to the right SSID, then hit his browser to get to the login/portal page...

Know how Chrome has a feature where your most visited sites are displayed as thumbnails on the opening screen?
Yeah-

7 of the 8 thumbnails were porn sites.


I handed his tablet back and went to wash my hands.
Hard.
Twice.

Fuck that shit... I'm walking people through the solutions from now on.
I'm not touching their phones, tablets or laptops anymore.

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

All The Gear - All The Time - Oz Bike Ruminations

Really missing my bike right now...
Especially sitting in the traffic while the local bikers filter through the traffic here.

I kinda liked being able to do that when I rode here last year, and would love to see the practice legalized in the 'States.
(Filtering - Motorcycle lane filtering is when a motorcycle rider moves alongside vehicles that have either stopped or are moving slowly, less than 30km/h. Lane filtering laws now apply in NSW. It's somewhat legal in Kalifornia too, but there is quite a bit of controversy regarding the subject.)
Of course, lane filtering, even if legalized in the US (especially the South), would be looked upon as blatantly unfair and presumably oppressive to four-wheelers, and become a challenge to right-thinking drivers everywhere and Steps Would Be Taken to end such a heinous practice. (Think lane-squeezing and car-door opening.)

It would become a case that would (I think) encourage wearing All The Gear, All The Time.
Now I know that some Really Conscientious Riders (Weekend Warriors, Rolex Riders, Etc) do it, but some of us (yes, guilty as charged) for whom riding is our main form of transport don't go full kit every time we ride.
Really- boots, iron-cloth riding pants, chaps, armored jacket, rhino-hide gloves, full-face helmet, etc etc ad naseum are a little much in 95-degree heat to go two residential blocks to the grocery. Proponents will argue accidents will happen anywhere, do you have a fire-extinguisher, and you do carry your pistol everywhere just-in-case, right- then go right or don't leave the driveway.

Granted - I don't go full kit each-and-every-time, but I also don't go Squid-mode - shorts, flipflops, tank top, 110mph with my head afire like some sportbikers...)

I really should go ATGATT but I don't, and that's my mistake...
I'm sure my man Borepatch would chastise me using very personal experience as a cautionary tale, but I'm in recovery (after all, isn't acceptance of the situation part of recovery?)

Another aspect is for a rider to know his/her limitations and expectations. (a/k/a pull stupid stunts, win stupid prizes)
Like this:

Yeah- that's gonna hurt.


Moving on- I think I've mentioned it before- before heading off on a long bike ride, I like to go to YouTube and watch some Russian dash-cam motorcycle videos...
They are the best incentive to go ATGATT.



She's gonna have a problem hitting that shifter with those shoes...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

So... Where Were We?

Oh yeah-
United Airlines was bending me over the back of the couch and having it's way with me, in a very horrid and painful manner.
Again.

I made my connection in Nooowark, but just barely.

For the long flight I did have the seat next to me empty, so that was a small victory.
Not a lot of sleep though.

On the ground in Shanghai things got interesting.


 Traffic was just as bad as it always has been...
At least my driver didn't hit anyone on the way to the hotel this time.

Once ensconced in my temporary domicile, it was only 2 O'clock in the afternoon-
And after long experience I knew that getting comfortable and lounging would lead to sleep, and that was the recipe for disaster.

I needed to fill the larder.

One thing about China, you can find some familiar but different items... A veritable cornucopia of Spam varietals for instance... And no.
Didn't get any of them. But I was tempted.

Another familiar-but-not-so-familiar variation:
The tried-and-true XXX Acai Vitamin Water. Love this stuff. I grabbed a taxi and headed toward Shinesun Center, the replacement for the old CyberMart on Huaihai Road.
I got a little sidetracked and found an interesting side market near by...
I was a little puzzled by these tiny ceramic bowls.
Serving dishes for Barbie dim sum?
No... This dude was working on an additional accessory for the same sport/pastime/hobby.
He's carving out these dog-dish sized containers made from semi-soft terracotta. They are the homes and food dishes for Chinese fighting crickets.
(Sorry about the crap focus on my photos- had a hard time keeping the phone steady.)  
Seriuosly- some of these bastards are the size of your thumb.

Here's one in his natural environment. 

The place was creeping me out- I'm heading back to the tech market.
If you want to know more about the sport of Chinese Fighting Crickets, go here.


But first- wanna buy a bag of fish?

Seriously- bags of fish.

Back at the tech market I was treated to a demo of the latest must-have gadget for the Round Eye- Blue lasers.
Here the girl running this kiosk is lighting a cigarette with one. Oh yes, I gotta have me one of these.
I picked one up, along with some other sundry crap like bluetooth enabled selfie sticks and  some other goodies, then headed out for an early dinner.

There was a restaurant nearby-
Let's see what's on the menu:
 
Yeah, a great big NOPE on that.


I guess if you're looking for for some spicy ass, this would be your restaurant.

Me, not so much.
I'll take the Spam instead- I headed back to my hotel. There's a Cantonese restaurant nearby. Porkbelly and dumplings are on menu tonight.

So much for my first afternoon in Shanghai-

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Notes from the Road - Food

There were some opportunities for tasty chow...
We hit several really good places...
If in Phoenix and you want a great meal, I highly suggest The Arrogant Butcher. Awesome...well, everything. (menu)
Amazing.

If you're looking for great regional food, I suggest The Fry Bread House on East Indian School Rd.

We really overdid it.

I had this frybread taco filled with chorizo and cheese. That bowl of lava red beef stew was a mistake.
A big, evil, hot, spicy, mistake that I paid for over and over for the next 36 hours.

Jason had 2 fry bread tacos and the green beef stew (even hotter, if you can believe it) along with some hatch chilies.

We continued taking our lives on our forks as we transited to Chicago...
I was not impressed with the famous hot Italian beef (dipped, wet)...
It just wasn't what I thought it was going to be.

That night Kui and I joined AdiW from the NBA at a pub near our hotel called The Exchequer for a Chicago deep-dish pizza...  (When in the Windy City, do as the Windians do.)


Chi-town deep-dish is insane.  It's more like a lasagna with crust.

The next night we decided on something more exotic...
We wound up at a place called Yum Cha- a dim sum place on East Randolph.
Wow.
Nice xiao long bao... (one of my weaknesses).

We also had some great pork belly, and Singapore chicken & rice,
and some lovely bone marrow.



The one thing that none of us had ever had prior to this was jellyfish.
A cold dim sum dish...

It was...uh, different.

Cold, very elastic. Tasted like sesame oil and rubber bands.

Ok... I can check that one off my list.


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Comprehension Test

Guess what state this WalMart is in.


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

No Tongue

Yeah- they are cute and all...


Regardless of how adorable you find them...



...You may want to avoid the Kissing Booth at the Zoo...


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

6 Words

Don't you think she looks tired?



And hospitalized for a blood clot near her (so called) brain?
My my.
Spread the word.

(h/t to Midwest Chick!)
TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Sochi - Food Issues

Or more accurately- Food processing issues.

I have been fortunate in not having to use the bathroom facilities in the venues...

I have received this photo from several sources- asking if this is normal for the all the bathrooms in Sochi.

As far as I know- no. This is supposedly a pic in one bathroom at the Biathlon Center...
Otherwise the bathrooms are supposed to be pretty normal.

Normal is a bit of a stretch however-
I had the unpleasant experience of needing to relieve myself of several liters (it seemed) of Starbuck's Finest this afternoon...
I hit the (only) bathroom in the NBC offices in the IBC...
It's a monstrous 12-stall, 15-urinal white tiled echo chamber, and at about 3:00-3:30 in the afternoon it becomes quite the scatological soundfest.

The IBC food is, apparently- wreaking havoc on the alimentary systems of many an NBC staffer. A walk down the line to a vacant urinal was accompanied by a veritable symphony of flatulence and messy bodily noises.
Most of the stalls were occupied- easily discerned because of the exceptionally short space between the throne and the door of the stall.
Quite literally, when you are in the seated position, your shoes extend out from under the stall door.
This situation will not work for me... I need some legroom in this area just as much as I need it on an airplane. I looked at the facilities on my first day and said - "Nope. Not gonna happen."

Anyway- it seems that due to a steady diet of industrial starches, chemically-treated veggies and irradiated pastas & super-glutens, our digestive systems are producing greenhouse gases at a tremendous rate, Kyoto Protocols be damned.
And based on the chemical &  molecular topology of the "Food" (and I only call it food because it is served on a plate) - the rather thick air in the men's room would choke a billy goat.

Pro-Tip:
Avoid the mens room in the IBC from 2:30 - 4:00pm. Longer if possible.

Enough said.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Apology & Restitution

To those individuals that were horrified by the cat/balls picture a day or so ago,
I offer my most sincere apologies.

Here...

Have a Horse.

(Or 'Whorse'? Whatever... It's sure ain't MLP.)

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Cold & Hot

Y'know...
it's probably pretty tasteless to complain about this, since all I see in my RSS reader is about how all the Constant Readers are freezing their parts off.
But dude...It's fucking roasting down here.


Serially.


Hot. Hothothot.

At least you folks back in the 'States can layer up. Just keep stacking it on.
3 T-Shirts, a sweat shirt, a hoodie, 2 jackets, a cable-knit sweater mom made for you that WAS 4 sizes too big, a parka and an overcoat.

That shit doesn't work down here...
There are only so many layers you can take off before you get a tap on the shoulder from a local policeman who wants to chat about why you are only dressed in sneakers, socks, a hat, sunscreen, and a knowing smile.

Cop: "Sir? We've had some complaints..."

For a place that has full frontal nudity on network TV during prime time, they sure have some odd notions of 'appropriate behavior behaviour'...

And now we just wait for a comment from Luc, a/k/a Captain Canada bitching about it being -30C and how he had to FINALLY go dig out the box of 'cool weather' attire and find a light jacket to wear to the lake this weekend.


(I think the hockey stick on the tactical sling really completes the picture.)


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

I Has A Sad

Welcome to Disappointment Australia,
Population: Me


Eww. Worst lunch yet.


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE