Saturday, December 31, 2005

DRTO

DRTO, better known to all and sundry as the Dry Tortugas.

Well... Yes, I have been remiss.
I’ve been here several days and no posts.
Sorry.

Hopefully this will give you an idea what’s been going on.

Arrived here on the 27th of December. Heard there was a boatload of Cuban migrants on Christmas Day, so I guess the variable winter weather really hasn’t stemmed the influx.

The place was hit hard this season...

Compared to this shot from June...

All the trees have pretty much been stripped of every bit of leaf and twig, and most of the palms are dead or dying.

The morning of the 30th was pretty cool.
I’ve never seen ground fog in the parade ground before.




I also shot a couple photos of sunrise over Long Key.


A pair of our campers came over and asked if Bush Key and Long Key were closed to visitors; I told them that the islands were closed and they said that was odd, because there was a number of people walking around on the far side of Long Key.
Lovely.
Either I have a bunch of intrepid explorers from the campground or a sailboat, or we have a chug on Long Key.
I rousted the Rangers and we spend the morning dealing with the 15 Cubans who had arrived. Eventually we took them to Loggerhead Key to await pickup by the Coast Guard later last night.
We spent the rest of the day dealing with the chug- getting if off Long Key and taken back to the Chugpile.

This morning, at about 3:00 am, we had 13 more arrive on Loggerhead Key. Too bad the Coast Guard couldn’t have waited a little longer, they could picked them all up at once.

Other than that, things have been pretty sedate here… The campground has been full almost every night, and tonight is no exception... More than full tonight… We have all 8 sites full, plus 2 tents in the group site, and 2 in the overflow site.

Things will calm down in the next day or so, once the holiday is over...

More later

TBG out-

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Who is Ned?

What? You don't know Ned?

I have received several e-mails inquiring as to the identity of the person referred to as Ned in various locations in the 'blog...

Daryl Carson- our fearless leader and project manager for the Olympics project is commonly referred to as Ned... As in Flanders... From the Simpsons.
(Getting this yet?)

Why? you ask...
Excellent question.

There is a rumor going around that Daryl and Ned are twins that were separated at birth in a freak accident at the hospital where they were born...

Need further proof?
No problem.


As Ned would say... "Well, if that don't put the 'dink' in 'coinkidink!'"


DNA tests are pending.

TBG Out-

Saturday, December 24, 2005

In review...

Greeetings, Constant Readers.

I have just been reviewing the last couple months of bloggage and I have come to the following realization...

There is an EXTREMELY fine line between eccentricity and complete madness.

And sometimes is is really easy to see which side of the line one resides on...

TBG out-

Merry Christmas...

...Not "Happy Holidays" or some other watered-down PC horse shit.
I hope y'all have a wonderful Christmas with friends and family...

Just in case you haven't seen it, this is my favorite
version of "Carol of the Bells".

Getting down to the wire here...
I head to the Tortugas on Monday.
(Well... Key Weird on Monday, DRTO on Tuesday AM.)

TBG Out-

Friday, December 23, 2005

Blondes in Italy

It has been said,
"In Italy, if a girl is blonde, she can have a face like a truck."

Based on in-depth evaluation, personal interviews, and tireless research in varied venues, TBG Regional Research, LLC, is proud to present the following scientific results:

This is the ugliest girl in Italy.


Travel packages and tickets to the 2006 Winter Olympics are still available...

TBG Out-

Inside Humor

Now...
I'm not going to mention any names here, but I have kept silent
(on this subject anyway) long enough.

What happens when you mix more than one entire bottle of wine (La Lepre - The Fuzzy Leper), white truffles with cheese and beef, and a former resident of the former Soviet Union?

We could make a movie or a TV show of it...
"The Night of the Truffles"... or maybe "The Troubles with Truffles", or more accurately perhaps "The Return of the Truffles".

Whatever you want to call it, it is still bad form to blow chunks all over someone's car (inside and out) and not (at the absolute least) clean it up. No one riding in that car wanted to see the wine and truffles a second time that evening... Especially when someone else has to drive that car around for several more days.

What is that old saying?

What goes around, comes around.

TBG Out-
(And plotting retribution.)

Biggest Improvement: Athens 2004 to Torino 2006

So...

The biggest improvement in the Games from Athens to Torino...

It's not the scoring technology, its not the food...
Nor the fact that we don't need air conditioners blasting away 24/7...

It is the fact that you can flush toilet paper.

(For a recap of Athens, click here.)

TBG out-

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Fun on the Menu / Signs of the Apocalypse

Rejoyce, I have yet again returned to the land of the living, bearing stories and pictures from foreign restaurant menus...

I took off for a couple days and the Traveling Companion and I hit the streets of Venice to have a little look around.

First impression: Hey- they have to do something about handling the storm runoff- the streets were full of water!
We were able to deal with it, but Hertz is gonna be pissed because parking the rental car on the curb at the hotel was a bit of a problem...

Let's step back a bit and talk about some goofy stuff.

Traveling Companion and Yours Truly went up to the Lake Como region (to Como and Torno) and nosed about on Saturday... Very nice place- a tad windy while we were wandering the streets, but overall very cool little towns. I'll bet summertime there is wonderful.


Como, facing back on the road from Torno.

As we wandered the streets TC & YT found a little street market where the TC picked up a hat, which would prove necessary for survival later in the week...
There was the requisite shopping for, and the eventual bargaing for said hat... a story in itself. Interesting in comparison to Shanghai...Nobody pawing at you every ten seconds trying to sell you DVDs and Rolexes...
As that purchase progressed, I was drawn to a capsule station in the market...
You are familiar with the gumball vending machine, but in Europe and Asia, you would be amazed at the stuff you find in these things.

This thing was amazing for two reasons...
First, it was selling thong panties for 2 Euros a pop, second, the actual name on the machine (Big Balls) was, well, overdescriptive for the machine, but perhaps more indicative of the user...


Oh well... Onward.

TC and YT were off after a short jaunt around the lake- we headed toward Verona...

I like traveling in Italy on the Autostrada...
I'm doing 160kph and people are still passing me like I'm not pedaling fast enough.


Some distance (I'm not exactly sure- I don't have a real grasp using Kilometers for distance... We were either 90 miles or 90 feet away) from Verona we ran into a smog bank. We were in a farming area and the smell was horrible- Since "smog" is by definition a mixture of smoke and fog, I was tempted to refer to this colloidal suspension as "smit", due to the mix of smoke and airborne animal feces...
We decided to continue until we were able to breathe outside air without the aid of self-contained breathing apparatus.
We eventually arrived in Vicenza- a cool little town an hour or so from Venice.
After wandering around the town for an hour or so we had a nice dinner and found a hotel... We made plans to visit some of the tourist attractions then next day and hit the sack.

We visited the Olympic Theater the next day- a place designed by Andrea Palladio- pretty much everything in Vicenza was designed and built by Palladio- from all the buildings and street layouts to the recipes for cappucino and tiramisu, if you want to believe the locals.
Read a little about the Teatro Olimpico here...

We finally departed Vicenza- a bit reluctantly, but we wanted to get to Venice before high tide... and in short order we were stashing the car at Tronchetto and hopped a water taxi to St Marks Square.
Our hotel was about a block west from San Marco- the perfect distance and direction from San Marco- Quiet and out of the way, but still close enough to be able to get around quickly.
Quickly was important because it was cold! I mean, make-sure-you-bring-the-Brass-Monkey-in-from-the-back-porch cold...
TC was fortunate in acquiring the hat in Como...Frostbite on the top of your head is nothing to sneer at.
(YT's cranium is protected by a veneer of thin blonde hair and sunglasses, both worn 24/7...)

While YT was in Turin and while in Venice, I had the occasion to see new and interesting items for the Fun on the Menu series...

Here are some of them:


A LARD pizza? I guess that's why it's white...


3.5 Euros for Baby... Has to be some kinda law against that...


Tarts...Hmmm... Pimping out his daughters?


Boned steak... I really don't want to know what is going on back in the kitchen...


Why do you need a Rocket to go along with this steak?


And even though I got to see this dish, I still don't know why it is "Telephone style".


I asked if this was like the Smock in Turin, but the waiter didn't understand.


I thought this was just truth-in-advertising; they spit in everything here...


And if you have to ask what kind of cream it is...


...it's Man Cream.

Hey- In Torino-
I found a store where you can get your own Hooters waitress...
Bimbo World!



One last one... A sign from San Marco...

Pretty much says it all...

"Yo! Ugly American! Keep your clothes on!"

I hear this all the time.

More later...

TBG out-

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

FGA

FGA

Frequently Given Answers - Torino edition.

1. Trust me.
2. The developers haven't finished writing that part of the software yet.
3. No.
4. NO!
5. 193 Centimeters. 195 when I get angry.
6. No, I don't have a perscription.
7. I'm so poor I should be asking you for money.
8. I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.
9. I have a low tolerance for stupidity in others. Don't get on my bad side.
10. Forty-Two, maybe fifty.
11. I was out of the country when that happened. Couldn't have been me.
12. But if I tie it looser, that'll defeat the purpose.
13. I'm not authorized to release that information.
14. If the Clorox doesn't get it, try a mixture of lemon juice and muriatic acid.
15. Define "work".
16. You'll break your mother's heart.
17. I got it done when I was in at Parris Island.
18. When hell freezes over.
19. Because the world would be a lot better off it things were done my way all the time.
20. I mailed it yesterday. It should be there by the end of the week.
21. I ran out of money/time/patience/handcuffs.
22. No, honestly. I can't taste the freezer burn.
23. Why don't you give me YOUR wallet instead.
24. It will be ok, I promise. I saw this in a cartoon.

TBG Out-

Fun with names.

This is only funny is you work with player or competitor names and rosters, and have had the pleasure of dealing with Asian names.

You probably already know this, but in Asian names the family name is first, then the given name.

Example: One of the venue tech guys for Snowboarding has a family name of Wan, and his given name is Wei.
So his full name is "Wan Wei" (Pronounced, I'm not kidding, "One Way"...) and we call him "Wei". Got it?

So... As happens quite often, when programmers write software to parse and display names, they overlook the possibility of Asian names being mixed in with Western names. For a long time the displays for the Houston Rockets showed Ming Yao rather than Yao Ming...

A tech support call comes in from one of the venues.
"Hey Ned, all the Asian names are coming out backwards."
Meaning, instead of being the correct order, our man Wei's name would be appearing as "Wei, Wan".
Having seen this many many times, it is an easy fix.
Unless Ned is taking your call... In which case he wants to have a little fun at someone else's discomfort.
(As I have said many times, Finding humor in someone else's trouble or embarrasment is the basis of all comedy.)
"What?! The names are backwards?" Ned asks.
"Yeah, backwards." says the caller.
"Hmmm... I want to be sure I understand what you mean. You are not being very precise."
"What do you mean, I'm not precise. The names are backwards."
"Do you mean the name 'Wang' is displaying as 'Gnaw'? Becuase that is backwards. Or do you mean the names are displayed in the wrong order? Because that is a completely different problem."
Ned excels at making the callers unsure of themselves.
"Uh... Yeah." comes the reply. "Is there someone else there I can talk to?"

Ned can be a real Funny Guy sometimes...

GTB Out-

From our "Lessons Learned" department:

After the Postage Stamp Incident, you would think that we would have our collective act together and be aware of what kind of vending machines we are patronizing.

To wit: The Parking Validation Machine.

To use this device, one parks in an appropriate location, goes to the machine and purchases a ticket for whatever length of time he wants to park his car. The ticket is then placed on the dashboard of the car and then the parking fascists know to bypass said auto voiture and move along to the next victim of poor timing.

However, in this case, Ned, our fearless leader parked his machine at the curb, ambled over to the nearest machine and stuffed in a few Euros.

Moments later 3 condoms and a bottle of Astroglide popped out the slot of the machine.


Ned didn't think twice about it; he threw the condoms on the dash of the car and headed into the hotel.
"Hey, the label said they offered full protection."
The parking carabineri must have agreed. No ticket on the car in the morning. I guess they figured it was good that he was practicing safe parking.
I took the bottle of Astroglide. It's a super-powerful lubricant.
I applied a liberal coating all over my rental car... I can now easily park my Renault in a space even a motorcycle couldn't squeeze into.

TBG Out-

Overheard conversations.

If you were an innocent bystander wandering into the bar in the lobby of the Turin Palace this evening about 11:00pm this is the conversation you might have heard:

(Female voice):"...and they also said I should see the smock they have here on display in Turin."
(Long silence)
(Male voice 1): "The Smock?"
(FV): "Yeah, some old religous relic of some sort."
(Male voice 2): "The Smock of Turin? Hmmm... I did see The Apron... And there was the Glove of Turin over at the train station."
(MV 1): "Oh yeah, the Smock of Turin. I hear it is ever so much nicer than the Red Socks of Boston or the Vail of Colorado."

At this point, you should leave the area immediately... Whatever they are suffering from might be contagious.

TBG out-

Italy, Continued...

So, a big shout out to all my peeps who chimed in with ways
to use my 35000 Italian postage stamps...

Especially the witty suggestion about mailing myself back home.

My reply, with all due respect: Bite me.

On to current events...

For those of you who think this is such a wonderful gig...
This is the scenic venue where we have been doing our testing.


Beauty, eh?

TBG out-

Monday, December 12, 2005

Italian holiday

On the road again: Yadda yadda yadda, pain-in-the-ass plane ride.
(Good news- Exit row. Bad news- right next to the bathroom. Enough said.)

Malpensa airport: Blah blah blah, Italian airports, Italian baggage claim, Italian highways, Italian Italians.

In Turin: yack yack yack, old hotel, crappy cable system, no parking.

Hmmm... Anything else? Oh yeah....

I need some Euros, and I try to find an ATM here close to the hotel.
I find one right down the street from the entrance to the hotel.
I stuck my card in ands waited for the prompts- I missed hitting
the "English" button, no big deal, I thought, I can puzzle through
the menus in Italian... (Not like the ATMs in China...)
So I cruise through the menus, 350 Euros...
No Problems...whirr-buzz-click.
Hmmmm....
Did you know that there are lots of things you do with an ATM over here?
Listen to Uncle Jay... Make sure you hit the "English"
button before starting your transaction...

So... Does anyone need 350 Euros worth of stamps?

Thursday, December 08, 2005

A guy walks into a bar...

...A man walked into a bar and sat down next to a man with a dog at his feet.
"Does your dog bite?" he asked.
"No." he replied.
A few minutes later the dog took a huge chunk out of the man's leg.
"I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" he said indignantly.
The other guy replied, "That's not my dog."

...This mushroom walks into a bar and starts hitting on this woman... She, of course, turns him down. Not willing, to give up, he pleads with her...
"C'mon lady, I'm a fun guy..."

...This horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says "Hey, buddy, why the long face...

...These two strings walk upto a bar.
The first string walks in and orders and the bartender throws him out and yells "I don't serve strings in this bar...
The other string ruffs himself up on the street and curls up and orders...
The bartender shouts, Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?"
String says "Yeah."
Bartender says, "aren't you a string?"
String says, "No, I'm a frayed knot..."

...This grasshopper walks into a bar.
The bartender says "Hey! We have a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper replies "Really? You have a drink named Steve?!"

...This baby seal walks into a bar.
The bartender asks, "What'll ya have...?"
The seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club...

...This skeleton walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer and a mop..."

...A neutron walks into a bar.
"I'd like a beer" he says.
The bartender promptly serves up a beer.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
"For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"


...A three legged dog walks into a bar and says,
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw..."

...A hamburger walks into a bar.
The bartenders says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve food here..."

...A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?"

...A snake slithers into a bar and the bartender says,
"I'm sorry but I can't serve you."
"Why not?" asks the snake.
The bartender says, "Because you can't hold your liquor..."

...A guy walks into a bar with a set of jumper cables.
The bartender says "Hey man, don't you start anything in here..."

...A guy walks into a bar. "OUCH!" he said...

...Two peanuts walked into a bar, and one was a-salted...

...Two vampires walked into a bar and called for the bartender.
"I'll have a glass of blood," said one.
"I'll have a glass of plasma", said the other.
"Okay," replied the bartender, "that'll be one blood and one blood lite..."

...Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says "Are you sure?"
The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..."

...Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar.
The bartender, a tub of cottage chesse, says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here."
One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, "Why not? We're cultured individuals."

...a man walked into a bar, sat down, and ordered a beer.
As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say "nice tie!"
Looking around he noticed that the bar was empty except for himself and the bartender at the end of the bar. A few sips later the voice said "beautiful shirt."
At this, the man called the bartender over,"Hey...i must be losing my mind," he told the bartender. "I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and there's not a soul in here other than us."
"It's the peanuts" answered the bartender.
"Say what?"
"You heard me" said the barkeep."it's the peanuts... they're complimentary."

...A group of chess enthusiasts and were standing around in the entrance of a bar discussing their recent tournament victories.
About an hour later the bartender comes out from behind the bar and asked them to disperse.
"But why?", they asked as they moved along.
"Because," said the barkeep, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

...It was a doctor's regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home and, aware of his habit, the bartender would always have the drink waiting for him at precisely 5:18 PM.
One afternoon as the end of the work-day neared the bartender was dismayed to find he was out of hazelnut extract but, thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.
The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink, then exclaimed: "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri", to which the bartender replied, "No, I'm sorry, it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."

And my personal favorite:

...Rene Descartes walks into a bar.
The bartender asks "Would you like a beer?"
Descartes replies "I think not" and POOF! he vanishes...

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Dry Tortugas Pics...

Ah, welcome Constant Readers.
You are in luck today!

The fair Leanne Maher from Key West has contributed a fine new pic from Garden Key.
Only a few days ago this photo was alive and singing on the edge of the moat at Fort Jefferson, and now it has been captured, skinned and mounted for your viewing pleasure here at Listen 2 Uncle Jay...

Bush Key/Garden Key Landbridge - June 2005


Same spot, Thanksgiving Weekend.



(For you plebians who don't know the fair Leanne, she is a woman of style and generosity, whose good nature and kind heart has kept me from starving [or worse] on many a long day in the Tortugas. She was one of the kind folks on the Yankee Freedom II out of Key West, one of the ferries to Ft. Jefferson. [Her SO, Buddy is still on-staff with the YFII.] Often she had turned a blind eye to my pilfering from her table of goodies and coolers of cold beverages when she would supervise luncheon for the unwashed masses down at DRTO... Good times, good times.)

Thanks Annie, you're the best!

TBG out.

Republicans & Democrats

(Stolen from Neal Boortz)




Yeah...

That ought to pretty much cover politics...

TBG out-

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Hurricane season 2005

One last thing...
(I promise, no more posts today...)

Many people have asked me how things went this year down in the Tortugas with all the hurricanes. It seems like every time I turned around DRTO was about to get whalloped...

I went out to Intellicast to have a look at the season summary to see what the combined tracks looked like...

Holy Crap!


Look closly...


DRTO was Ground Zero for 5 storms this year....

I just got the OK to head south after TR2* and the holiday, so on Dec 26th I'll be heading for Key West and I'll be on the M/V Ft. Jefferson on the morning of the 27th.
Word around the campfire is that the landbridge between Garden Key and Bush Key is completely gone, there is a new cut through Bush Key and the seaplane beach was eroded back to the original concrete ramp from back in the 40s, I believe...


The Landbridge.

Watch this space for updates and photos.

TBG Out-

*- TR2: NBC's Technical Rehearsal 2 for the 2006 Winter Olympics, in Torino Italy. I'm in Torino & Bardonecchia from 12/10 to 12/21.

Flight Path

If you uh...enjoy...air travel as much as I do, you might get a kick out of this visualization of air traffic...

(You'll need Quicktime to view the graphics...)



See Aaron Koblin's Flight Pattern Visualizations website:
http://www.aaronkoblin.com/work/faa/

Way too cool.

TBG Out-

From our "Unclear on the Concept" Department....

The Chip.


So... I'm looking at getting into a new Amex card...
My old one is fine, thanks... Just exploring possibilities.
I'm not allowed to go into the office except for extreme emergencies, (Don't ask. It will only confuse) so I'm just killing time.

In any case, I'm looking over the huge pile of offers for new credit cards that regularly fill my mailbox. I need another/new credit card like I need another hole in the head, but I figure it never hurts to look at the propaganda they send out. Must have some redeeming value otherwise thay wouldn't have spent good money sending it to me, eh?
(By the way- do YOU know the difference between and charge card and a credit card? You have 10 seconds: Begin.)

The only thing in the pile with any interest: American Express Blue.
Why? Because the card is translucent...and has a nifty smart chip embedded in it.

Now, the non-geek among you might ask "What is so cool about that? Why is it better than the any other credit card from AmEx?"
Because it has a chip, of course.

"But...What is it for?" you ask, cleverly getting to the crux of the matter...

I asked that question too... At 1-800-528-4800... The AmEx accounts customer service line.

AmEx: AmericanExpresscustomerservicethisisJuliehowcanIhelpyou?
Yours Truly: Hi..Uh. I wanted to ask about the AmEx Blue card.
(Long conversation concerning which of the 5 different Blue cards I wanted to explore the possibilities of using.)

Finally- The Chip.

AmEx: It's a smart chip.

YT: Really... (Fighting the urge to ask "How Smart?")

AmEx: Yes, it's used to protect your on-line transactions.

YT: Really. How's it do that?

AmEx: Uh... Just a sec.

YT: Sure. Take your time.

AmEx: Yes... It's to...uh...provide better security for your on-line transactions.
(Obviously reading from the computer-proffered script on her CSR software.)

YT: How?

AmEx: Excuse me?

YT: How does the smart chip do that?... When I make an on-line purchase, I still type in my account number; I don't have a smart chip reader on my computer. How does it provide more secure on-line transactions?

AmEx:(Long pause.)

YT: Hello?

AmEx: Hmmm. I'm just reading here...The chip is an ID Keeper, a free web tool that stores your favorite URLs, logins, and personal data directly on your Smart Chip so you'll never have to input them again.

YT: Tell me more... (Trying to figure out how I can store info on my card's smart chip.)

AmEx: Oh. (Sounding disappointed)

YT: What's wrong?

AmEx: As of 12/31/2005 the ID Keeper Program will be permanently disabled. If you currently use ID Keeper you can back up your stored data. That's all.

Apparently they haven't figured out how to get data on and off the cards either.

YT: Hello, Citibank? Do you have cards with smart chips on them?


TBG Out.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Frequeuently Asked Questions

FAQ

Q: How are you?

A: I'm fine thanks


Q: Why's there nothing good on television?

A: Yes, it's odd that isn't it?--


Q: Do you love me?

A: What sort of question is that?


Q: Ice and lemon?

A: Yes please


Q: Can I help you?

A: You really have to help yourself


Q: Is there intelligent life on other planets?

A: No. As a point of fact, there is a question as to the existence of intelliegent life on THIS planet. Read the daily paper from any city over 500,000 population and you'll see what I mean.


Q: Do you want to save changes to this document?

A: File Deleted


Q: What are you looking at?

A: I was hoping to start a fight actually


Q: What'll you have?

A: Unsweet tea.
(An anomaly, actually. Tea, in its pristine form, is NOT sweet, hence it should be identified as just "Tea". HOWEVER, if you live in the Southern US you have to specifically identify what kind of tea you want, sweet or unsweet. Otherwise the waiteress will just HAVE to ask you "Sweet or Unsweeet?" with the implication that you have just wasted both her time and yours by being inexact.)


Q: You want fries with that?

A: Ghod no.


Q: Abort, Retry, Ignore?

A: Showing your age, aren't you? Nobody gets theose old DOS jokes any more.


Q: Aisle or window.

A: Does it really matter? as I will be in a constant state of torture the entire flight anyway.


Q: Will you keep an eye on this for me?

A: Only until the police, drug dogs, and/or bomb squad arrives.


Q: Paper or plastic?

A: Neither actually. I want bags made from an extract of unicorn earwax.


Q: Debit or Credit?

A: Don't you people take cash anymore?


Q: Can I get you anything else?

A: Just the check. Thanks.


TBG Out-