Saturday, December 03, 2005

Frequeuently Asked Questions


Q: How are you?

A: I'm fine thanks

Q: Why's there nothing good on television?

A: Yes, it's odd that isn't it?--

Q: Do you love me?

A: What sort of question is that?

Q: Ice and lemon?

A: Yes please

Q: Can I help you?

A: You really have to help yourself

Q: Is there intelligent life on other planets?

A: No. As a point of fact, there is a question as to the existence of intelliegent life on THIS planet. Read the daily paper from any city over 500,000 population and you'll see what I mean.

Q: Do you want to save changes to this document?

A: File Deleted

Q: What are you looking at?

A: I was hoping to start a fight actually

Q: What'll you have?

A: Unsweet tea.
(An anomaly, actually. Tea, in its pristine form, is NOT sweet, hence it should be identified as just "Tea". HOWEVER, if you live in the Southern US you have to specifically identify what kind of tea you want, sweet or unsweet. Otherwise the waiteress will just HAVE to ask you "Sweet or Unsweeet?" with the implication that you have just wasted both her time and yours by being inexact.)

Q: You want fries with that?

A: Ghod no.

Q: Abort, Retry, Ignore?

A: Showing your age, aren't you? Nobody gets theose old DOS jokes any more.

Q: Aisle or window.

A: Does it really matter? as I will be in a constant state of torture the entire flight anyway.

Q: Will you keep an eye on this for me?

A: Only until the police, drug dogs, and/or bomb squad arrives.

Q: Paper or plastic?

A: Neither actually. I want bags made from an extract of unicorn earwax.

Q: Debit or Credit?

A: Don't you people take cash anymore?

Q: Can I get you anything else?

A: Just the check. Thanks.

TBG Out-

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