The Mystery Basket

I have one of these! At least, I used to...
Once TWWKMT see this, I'm sure she'll hide it.

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Close Call

I almost had a Lochte moment at about 4 this morning...
I pulled into a gas-food-ice-24hours to fuel up and (more urgently) get rid of some processed coffee.
I fueled, then tried to hit the head-
Locked.
I went to the security window to speak to the service attendant- a young man of ethnic origin- pointed in the vague direction of the bathroom and pantomimed  unlocking & opening the door...
He shrugs his shoulders and yells through the money slot...
YMEO: "IS OUT SER-BISS"
TBG: "Huh?"
YMEO: "OUT SER-BISS. BROKE."
TBG: "Fuck."

The initial urge to urinate into the money slot/speaking tube was nigh overwhelming...
I did, however, remember the Lochte Lesson and did not vandalize the Gas&Go...
But there is a very upset ficus tree suffering from ammonia, sodium, caffine and trace elements between there and I-95...

TBG - (Relieved without criminal indictment)

Thanks A Lot, Lochte.

Anyone who goes to Rio (or any Olympic Games) always gets a briefing from their sponsoring group about etiquette and how their actions reflect back on their country.
I know I get them from the Large Broadcast Entity along with the 'Shit You Shouldn't Do' briefing...

So- hand a bunch of young athletes hopped up on adrenaline and 'I'm-a-gold-medal-winning-'Murican' pseudo-steroids and free flowing alcohol, then turn them loose -ostensibly to get back to their lodgings- without some kind of supervision, and your organizing committee is asking for trouble.
Nice work , TeamUSA. Spend some money on some effective professional personnel protective assets... It's a better investment that the $$$ you'll have to shell out for PR and legal fees.

Should they be able to act appropriately on their own? Yes.

Does their bullshit activities make things difficult for all Americans here (and elsewhere)?
You betcher ass.

Is this a isolated experience - Ugly Americans reinforcing stereotypes at the Olympic Games?

Absolutely not.

Sherman, set the WayBack to February 1998...
A number (as yet still unidentified and unpunished) NHL Hockey players, after getting bounced from the competition, ALLEGEDLY broke up furniture, damaged walls, set off fire extinguishers, and broke some windows in the Olympic Village.
The official word was that a few rather light and flimsy chairs were broken through normal use, because the players are big guys and they were just playing cards...
Whatever.
It blew over and no one thinks about it any more.
A little vandalism is one thing. We could call it a victimless crime, but to me criminal behavior is criminal behavior. YMMV.
When, like Lochte & Co, you make up a story involving local thugs, casting aspersions at teh local police by saying police (even fake police) were involved in order to cover up boorish behavior- it will not be swept under the carpet.
Lochte and Co, imbued with confidence, alcohol and the need to urinate decided their needs outweighed the "closed" sign at the gas station, showed their (figurative) asses, then tried to cover things up with with a hastily and poorly-conceived lie...
Nice work, guys. Make all us 'Murican look like assholes...

(Overheard on the shuttle bus last night- an OBS person saying good night to an American media person - "Hey- don't vandalize any gas stations tonight!")

Popular medal-winning athletes shouldn't be doing shit like this...

That's the job of the guys in our Golf division- they get paid to look like idjits.
Let our guys do their jobs.

You guys stick to swimming and carpool karaoke, let the professionals work.


TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Semi-Rio-Related WTF

Conversation in the Scoring Control Center yesterday:

One of the guys I work with stuck his head in my office...

P: "Hey - we gotta change all our user names and passwords on all our machines. That gonna affect your stuff?"

YT: "Not a bit. What's up?"

P: "Fucking social media and basic stupidity. Some moron back in the home office wrote their user name and password on a piece of tape on their keyboard.
Today, she took a picture of a cupcake on her keyboard and posted it to Facebook.
With the username and password in full view."

YT: "Wow. Fired?"

P: "Shoulda been, but she invoked the Hillary defense. She didn't do it with malicious intent, so she's still around."

Jeebus. WTF?
"I didn't mean to do it, so it's okay."

TBG - surrounded by morons.

WTF Rio? - Part 207b

Now that the opening ceremonies are over and I finally have all my equipment in place, I have a little breathing room and can make some comments...

Re: Opening Ceremonies and one-off sports at Olympics.

When did walking in sparkly dress with a thigh-high slit in four inch heels become an Olympic event?


Don't get me wrong- I'm sure it was an Olympic feat for Giselle Bundchen to walk all the way across the floor of the stadium under the gaze of millions. But still...

I'm trying to find out how one gets to be a judge in that event.

Also- In Tokyo there will 6 exhibition sports - only for the 2020 Olympics.
Baseball/softball, surfing, skateboarding, karate and speed climbing.
Being in Tokyo, I wonder about the surfing event- Will they create a wave simulator or some kind of man-made wave system...

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Rio Navigation and Work Fun

Opening Ceremonies is a delay in my schedule because the TV Truck used for that show pulls up stakes and moves from Maracanã to the OLS (Olympic Stadium) for Track & Field. Once it landed at the T&F stadium I had to go install my last suite of hardware...


I was sitting at breakfast on Sunday planning to go to OLS at 8:30 or so, and the NBC IT guy who had installed the network hardware on Saturday afternoon had words of wisdom:

"Make sure your driver knows the way to the stadium.
Mine didn't, and we were totally lost in a not-very-nice area. The driver finally pulled over and found a guy with a machete, no shirt, prison tattoos, sitting by flaming oil drum full of burning chunks of old automobile tires under an overpass to ask about directions.
I was hiding under the back seat of the van. I knew we were both going to die!"

Dude... Never get out of the boat.
I got my install done with only a *little* shouting and death threats...
I ran into an IP conflict with some other equipment...
Valid IP addresses are few and far between in these parts, Buckaroo.
When the Powers That Be issue you an IP, you fucking use THAT address AND NOTHING ELSE.
I didn't actually hurt the offending technician, or his gear, but I guarantee he won't 'borrow' any addresses ever again.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Trolling the interns in the men's room...

(Man, that doesn't sound right...)

The restrooms in the IBC have Dyson Airblade Vs in them in an effort to make the Games greener.


(In this case, the green is the algae growing on the wall near the Airblades- the water is blown off your hands and soaks the wall the the counter-top. Lovely design.

But there is a trick to getting them to activate... You have to approach them a certain way or they don't do anything but sit there looking evil and angry...

I was drying my hands at one and one of the Interns/Runners - a snot-nosed young lad of 22 or so saw me and asked how it worked...

Snot-nosed Young Lad: "Dang. Those things DO work!? I thought is was just an air freshener or something. I  never saw one working before now."

I guess if there isn't an iPhone control app for it, it's not worth using.

I decided to have a little fun with him.

Yours Truly: "What, you haven't got your chip yet?"
S-NYL: "My what?"
YT: "Your chip. Your RFID chip from NBC."
S-NYL: Puzzled look, like a cocker spaniel when you make a squeaky noise.
YT: "Yeah, you need to go down to Engineering and ask for your chip implant. It activates the hand driers, but the really cool stuff they do is things like giving you access to the VIP sections in different venues- really useful in the Gymnastics and the Swimming venues. It also gives you access to the motorpool to get from site to site... Just get in one of the NBC cars and wave your hand over the reader and tell the driver where you want to go.
There's a bunch of other stuff... It'll be in the brochure they give you when they implant the chip...
S-NYL: "Everybody gets them?"
YT: "Yep...If you know who to ask. Just keep it on the down-low. The less people that know, the better."

I gave him the name of a certain Curmudgeon who hates EVERYBODY, especially the interns...
I'll be interested to see how that shakes out...
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

DON'T TOUCH MY FUCKING STUFFS!

Day One:
Venue: OAS (Swimming)
Tech manager is trying to figure out a cable run for some in-truck services back to the TOC.
(TOC = big room full of operations equipment, especially the network switches that provide all the connectivity for each venue.)
In his effort, he pulls my connection out of the main switch...
WHILE WE ARE ON THE FUCKING AIR.
My phone rings...

EG: "Hey- I've lost my connection."
YT: "WHAT?!" (Frantically pinging his switch and computers. Nothing. Oh shit.)
YT: "Find your Truck Guy, trace the blue cable from your switch to the patch block, make sure it's still plugged in. Then, look in the TOC for the cable bundle labeled 'GRAPHICS" make sure #6 is in port 45 on switch 2."
EG: "Find the truck guy. Got it."
YT: "Oh shit..." I grabbed my tool back and headed out the door.
Before I got to the shuttle bus, my phone rang.
EG: "Found it. Someone moved the cable."
YT: "Who? Who did it. What moronic motherhumper in the OAS compound is going to wind up with a 4 pound hammer embedded in his forehead?"
EG: "Don't know, but it's fixed."
YT: "Find out." (click)

Day Two:
Venue: ROA (Gymnastics)
We are live on the air... Phone

RJ: "Hey- I've lost my connection."
YT: "WHAT?!" (Frantically pinging his switch and computers. Nothing. Oh shit.)

Grab my bag and head to the shuttle.
I arrived at the ROA and started to go to the truck, but headed to the TOC instead...
I ran into the Tech Manager...

TM: "I know why you're here... Sorry- my fault. it's fixed now."
YT:  stunned silence
TM: "Yeah, one of the guys in the A-Truck had a problem with his internet connection. Your cable wasn't labeled and I didn't know what it was, so I pulled it."
YT: "Dude, are you fucking kidding me? There are 200 unlabeled cables in here...
You didn't pull them... Why are you pulling mine?"
TM: shrugs shoulders - "I don't know... I just thought it was in the wrong place."

Is it unreasonable for me to expect that while we are ON THE AIR that people don't pull out cables that they don't know what it's attached to?

(Oddly I am reminded of Buckaroo Banzai performing brain surgery:
"You can check your anatomy all you want, and even though there may be normal variation, when it comes right down to it, this far inside the head it all looks the same.
No, no, no, don't tug on that. You never know what it might be attached to."

I grab a roll of neon-yellow gaff tape and a Sharpie.
"IF YOU TOUCH THIS CABLE I WILL KILL YOU"
There... It's labeled.

I stuck my head in the B-Truck. My guy gives a thumbs up.
Ok...
I head to Diving.
Tape. Sharpie.
"TOUCH THIS CABLE AND YOU WILL DIE"
 Done.
I labeled Track & Field too...
Golf will get one as soon as I go back out there...

Morons. I'm surrounded by morons.

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Helpful Hints for Rio from The Czar

After I fired off a cry for help, The Czar (may his toenails never fester) comes through with a timely and accurate assist:

Dear Uncle Jay,
You’re right that the key word for traveling to Brazil is “don’t.” Of course, that makes it sound like you shouldn’t travel there at all; in reality, (1) you shouldn’t travel to South America at all and (2) the word don’t really applies to everything related to Brazil.

This actually is Rio. This may not be one of the Olympic sports, but that doesn’t mean you won’t see this at some venues.

Brazil is basically all the cut-throat lunacy of a Mexican pirate town plunked helpfully in the center of a sweltering jungle, featuring a river filled with creatures that have teeth the size of your aunt and the predilection to eat something her size with them. 

Another feature of Brazil is the fact you can drive about ten minutes in any direction (in theory, as there aren’t nearly enough roads) and find yourself in a stone-age culture equipped with blowguns and cell phones. They will not hesitate to use both. No, the Czar doesn’t mean “either,” he means “both”: they’ll gleefully put a dart in your neck while talking to their agent.

Brazilians, on the other hand, are great for parties. The Czar strongly recommends befriending a Brazilian if you like to eat, drink, roller skate, dance, and basically repeat this every hour until four or five in the morning. These people do not quit.

It has been decades since the Czar went to Rio, though, so let’s see what we remember. Your high school Spanish will be just as useful to you here as when you went to Cozumel, by which we mean totally useless. Brazilians, as you already know, speak Portuguese, not Spanish. Portuguese is an interesting language that’s half-Spanish and half-arrogance. It has a lot of shushing noises, which is linguistically interesting: since Brazilians spend about two-thirds of their day inebriated, they simply modified the spelling of their language to reflect drunken slurs.

Helpful phrases:
“These are not my drugs, therefore you can keep them.” — Não minhas drogas; portanto, você pode mantê-los.
“Waiter, my seafood is threatening me.” — Garçom, meu frutos do mar me ameaça.
“What can I drink that won’t kill me?” — O que eu posso beber que não vai me matar?
“If I drink this caipirinha, will I still have two kidneys in the morning?” — Se eu beber esta caipirinha, vai ainda tenho dois rins na parte da manhã?
“Get me on the next flight home.” — Quero que o próximo vôo do avião casa.
“No, I’m Canadian.” — Não, sou canadense

Don’t worry about pronouncing the Portuguese correctly: just read it loud and in a drunk voice. They won’t understand you, but that’s because they’re too hammered themselves. “Vamos roller skating,” they’ll say in sympathy. 

The Czar is also familiar with Brazilian cooking, being something of a grill-master himself. The Brazilian method of cooking is quite simple: subject thick cuts of meat—python?—to extremely high heat until the food is charred black on the outside and bloody raw in the middle. If you look carefully, you might find some medium-well fibers of meat between the two, but these will be utterly soaked in salt.

The heat is unbearable in Rio, but clothing is totally optional. Actually, the bigger and hairier you are, the less you want to wear. The Czar guesses for a mostly shaved Sasquatch guy your size, Jay, you should wear an eyepatch in place of a thong. Surprisingly, that won’t be the most surprising thing you’ll see someone wear.

Everyone talks about the gigantic statue of Jesus up on the hilltop, but what they don’t tell you is that, over the last 50 years or so, the statue has totally turned itself around so it looks away. It would be a Vatican-sized miracle, but no one admits it because it reflects nothing but shame on the city. Hey, if you had to gaze down on that mess, you’d at least squint.

Anywhere you go, look for the nearest exit and use it.

Fortunately, you’ll be traveling there with fiber optic cables, which is good because you can use them to strangle the hotel clerk when he arrives in the middle of the night to perform his customary turn down service and leave something minty on your pillow. Don’t worry about the body: murder is not only sanctioned there but positively encouraged. If the authorities ask, simply say what all Brazilians say and claim you thought he was a poor person. You’re off the hook, and you can just leave the body where it is. There will be no air-conditioning in your room anyway, and within moments his corpse will be swollen with bottle fly maggots, so dumping it won’t matter.

For the last 50 years or so, the Czar has become increasingly convinced that the Olympics are just a huge joke that we’re not getting…so the organizers are choosing even dumber locations each time. “Let’s pick a disease-infested pithole that’s corrupt, filthy hot, and has no transportation or clean lodging.” “How about Rio? Chicago said no.”

Well...
I do plan on going to the beach at least once...

Let's see if I can find that eyepatch/thong he's suggesting... To Amazon!
(How appropriate!)


Wow. That would look frightening trying to hold in all my dangly bits...

Here's something even MORE better! A steampunk eyepatch/monocle!
This might be the ticket- but...
If that thing isn't the size of a one-quart oilcan, I'll probably be causing a ruckus on the beach at Copacabana...

Stronger, Higher, Faster - forsooth!
TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Kids These Days...

I don't know if I mentioned it but The Perfect Child is gainfully employed as a schoolteacher-
5th Grade language arts - at a school in the Beaches area...
I don't know who to pity more- her or The Kids...

This scene from The Simpsons reminds me of some stories she has told at the end of a long day...
(Although I don't know if is more of an indictment of the students or the teachers)

TBG - - [Exit - Pursued by an angry 5th Grader]

Hey KX59, WTF?

If you do a search on Teh Google for "Florida Man", you usually get some pretty entertaining results.
It looks like, however, Houston is trying to give Florida a run for the money...

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Flirting & Sexual Harassment - Definitions Please

In the local news, on of the Big Bash cricket players was twigged for an interview with a local SportsNewsHottie...

“I wanted to come and have an interview with you as well.
That’s the reason why I’m here, just to see your eyes for the first time. It’s nice so. Hopefully we can win this game and have a drink after. Don’t blush, baby.”

She recovered, got the interview back on track and aside from from snickering from the other commentators, but it wasn't any near as bad as Joe Namath and his drunken hitting on Suzy Kolber in 2003...
Granted- live TV and all that. So his timing was off. BFHD.

Obviously, all the blue hairs and feminists got their knickers in a bunch regarding this...
But geez- that's pretty tame, all things considered.
He apologized, she accepted - then the PC Police went crazy- he got fined $10,000AUD
(What's that- $25 USD?)  and they are talking suspension/firing.
For telling her she was cute and asking her out for drink?
Please.
All things being equal, if you look at female Aussie Talking Heads, every damned one is a looker. They don't hire the 5s, only 8-10s. So- to be sure they are hired for their (sex) appeal. [The male ATH? I am not qualified to judge such things...] But in as much as they are hired with such an attribute, what the fck do they expect?

Cpould someone PLEASE draw the line where banter / harmless flirting and normal male-female interactions become sexual harassment and become harmful?



TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Yesterday's News Cycle - San Bernardino

Before  11:00am PST
CNN:
Climate change!
Climate change,
Reparations!
FIFA!

11:00a PST
CNN:
Active shooter!
Active shooter!
Active shooter!
Active shooter!
ZOMG!

Twitter:
F'ing NRA!
Evil gun lobby!
Workplace violence!
Praying doesn't help - DO SOMETHING!!!1!11!

11:05
Democrats: Calls for drastic measures to curb gun violence, blaming Conservatives for giving access to guns to everyone from two-tooth hillbilly mouthbreathers to convicted Islamo-terrorists that are on the FBI/TSA no-fly list, including 500 rounds of free armor-piercing exploding cop-killer bullets for free.
Dem 2016 Candidates: Grandstanding with meaningful soundbites!
This isn't normal. WE MUST DO SOMETHING!

Conservatives: Thoughts and prayers for victims and families.
Also: Hey! Slow down! Let's let the situation get resolved before we start assigning blame.

CAIR: "Man, we hope the shooters have a normal American name like Smith or Jones."

11:15a - 6:00pm
CNN:
Active shooter! Live helicopter shot!
Active shooter!  Planned parenthood only a mile from shooting location!
Active shooter! Interview with talking head from Three Letter Agency!
Active shooter! Interview with retired officia from Random Government Agency!
Active shooter! Interview with talking head from a different Three Letter Agency!
Active shooter! Helicopter Live Feed!
Active shooter!  Planned parenthood STILL only a mile from shooting location!
Active shooter! Vehicle pursuit!
Shootout!
Uh Oh. - Syed R|zwan Far00k and Tashf33n M@lik - Hey! Look! Climate Change!
FIFA Scandal
Climate Change

Twitter:
F'ing gun owners!
Black Lives Matter!
F'ing politicians!
F'ing white mass murderers!
Columbine!
F'ing gun laws!
Aurora!
F'ing NRA!
Charleston!
F'ing GOP!
F'ing Angry White Guy Mass Killers!
(Shooter names released)
*crickets*
(clicky-click - twitter messages being deleted)

Thursday AM:
CNN:
"Motive Unclear"
"Workplace violence"
"Still under investigation."
PSA for Anchorit.gov (Anti child injury by furniture tipping initiative) - WTF?

CAIR:
"Don't blame entire group/subclass/religion for actions of one or two people."

NRA:
"Yeah, we said that last week. Hope it works out for you as well as it has for us."

Twitter:
DO SOMETHING!!!! YOU'RE NOT EVEN TRYING!!!11!
F'ing gun owners anyway!
F'ing NRA too!
F'ing politicians!
F'ing stupid Americans!
Make $$$ sitting at home in your underwear eating cheetos. Click this link.

**logout & close laptop**

Ghod, I've gotta get out of this office. The exposure to CNN and Twitter is killing me.
I think I'll go drink a big glass of tapwater and go breathe the air out on the balcony that overlooks the traffic circle at Diana Cazadora.
It's gotta be better than sitting in here...

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Thanks, Asshole

-or-
This is why we can't have nice things.

Some noob/provisional local LEO decided he'd take his AR and some M855 to our local FOP range and get some target practice in.
Problems:
1. Not a member of the FOP or the Range
2. Pistol calibers ONLY
3. He's a lying asshole

He gets the combination code to the range gate from some other local LEO and
heads to the range.



Noob Asshole: "Wow, what nice divots these AP rounds put in that 1/4" steel."




Noob Asshole: "Well, wadda ya know. They do pierce steel plate."

So, after Officer Asshole destroys $1000 worth of steel plates he leaves all his brass scattered around the site he takes off. Not being an FOP or Range member, he doesn't know that there are 4 streaming cameras at the range/firing line and 3 cameras shooting the access roads.
When the damage is discovered, it takes only 20 minutes to find and identify the culprit.
When Officer Dindunuffin* is confronted, he denies everything.
When presented with video and photo evidence, he admits guilt.
When asked who gave him the code for the gate (a major violation of FOP and Range rules) he replies with the ever-popular "I don't remember."

Hey, Moron- two important attributes of a LEO- a GOOD MEMORY and the ability to make good decisions.
You have just DQ'd yourself from the job.
Have a nice f'ing day.

(*I just love this monniker - it's a Tam-isim. So useful and accurate.)
TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Assholes Being Assholes

Seems like there are so many more "White Supremacy" incidents in the last few weeks...

Seems to me they fall into two major categories:
1. People who want to give the BLM crowd and the campus crybullies something to protest- usually someone from the same organizations hoaxing, so they stay relevant.

2. Shit - stirrers like the 4-chaners, militant Redditors, and refugees from /b/ that just love throwing monkey wrenches for the sake of wrenching, not because of racial hatred.

That small percentage of REAL white supremacy retards have always been out there and probably know better than to fan the flames...The BLM is doing a bang-up job of alienating Everyone Else on their own. The WS crowd knows that getting caught making a poo-swastika would be stepping on their own dicks in a major way...

The BLM folks that are creating their own outrages (swastikas,  white power graffiti, provocative social media messages) fall back on the ever-popular defense of "I did it just to see what would happen."...
Like this idjit:

Police at Saginaw Valley State University say a threat posted on the social media site Yik Yak read, "I'm going to shoot every black person I can on campus. Starting tomorrow morning."

Guess who:

The original post was followed later by: 
"Its [sic] a joke,"
"I'm black,"
"I was going to give it an hour to see how you all would react," and
"Right. I could be angry and just expressing myself lol."

Moron.

Notes From Steerage Class

So, I'm often asked why our company sends us poor fools around the world in coach class seating.

This is why.




TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Complaints

Hey, you with the hair-trigger email complaint-

99.825% of the content on this website is MY personal experience or opinion...
If you are mentioned here, it's probably because you and I had some sort of interaction.
If you have issues regarding HOW you are portrayed in this narrative- well, that's in your power to control.
If you want me to write nice things about you, you should behave better.

If you have issues with the content here at Listen 2 Uncle Jay or how you are portrayed in articles herein, you might want to pay a visit our complaint department...
Helen Waite used to run the place, but we have farmed out that service to a local legal firm to be sure we fulfill any legal obligations to out readers...
If you have questions regarding deliverables or should have complaints, please contact the legal firm of Phuckov and Dye, you'll find 'em in the yellow pages.


TBG - - BLΟ ΛΛE, Asshat

Life ProTip: In The Backcountry

Friendly advice*:

Prior to going out on a back country hike out here in Glacier National Park, make sure to slather yourself with Bear Spray...


And be sure to give the kids an extra-heavy dose... wouldn't want anyone to get hurt by the marauding Ursus arctos horribilis.

I know...
Some people just want to watch the world burn.



TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE
*This Satire. Do not do this. This is a joke. Srsly.

Immoral Imperative - It Must Be Blogged Immediately

We are in lovely Pennsylvania - just outside Lancaster for the US Women's Open.

This place is just teeming with Mennonites and Amish.

Throwing a bunch of our guys into this kind of environment is just asking for trouble, since some of our folks don't have filters, or at least don't use them, while talking/interacting in public...

Case in point...
Just to the east of Lancaster is a place named (to the delight of snickering schoolboys everywhere) Intercourse PA.


 Of course, this becomes a topic of conversation at lunch-

Uncouth Guy1 "Intercourse? Why the fuck would they name the place that? Ha!"
Uncouth Guy2 "I wonder if all the stores & streets are as inappropriately named?"
UG1: "Edith's House of Sex Toys and Apple Butter!"
UG2: "At the corner of Rusty Trombone and Angry Dragon?"
UG1: "Yeah- right next to Dirty Sanchez Plumbing Supply."

Gah.
This is why we can't go anywhere nice.


TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Douchebag Parking

I love this-
I'm going to start carrying a big stick of chalk around...

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

My Reputation Precedes Me

Apparently someone told them I was coming going to be in the area...

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

OMD - Berber is better!

Buttocks! I meant to say buttocks!

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

OMD - Didn't I buy you a watch?

Old Money Dog knows you can afford a pocket watch with the fortune he pays you!



TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE