Wow.

Holy crap...

Well... its all over but the shouting...

Things are really going to get interesting now.

TBG

-TBG

WTF Rio? - Four Wheels Bad, Two Wheels Better - But Very Hazardous

(Caution: Graphic Content Below)

So... Traffic in Rio sucks.
Duh.

Tons of motorcyclists and scooters practice lane splitting and filtering and oddly enough, no one cuts them off or actively tries to kill them for moving faster through the traffic.
(Which is what the legislators try to tell us here in the US.
If you drive down the dividing line between two lanes of traffic, someone will merge into you or intentionally cut you off because it's not fair! Blood in the Streets!")
It works here for the Cariocas- bikers (and scooter..ers) slip through the traffic quickly.

As I sit in traffic, I really wish I could use a bike here...
Thursday we went from the Olympic Park in Barra to Copacabana...
It took nearly 2 hours- for a 42km trip...
Back home that's about a 20 minute trip.
35 tops if it's on surface roads.
I would love to ride a motorcycle here to cut down on travel time.
After a little research on Bike Life in Rio, I've changed my tune.
The scary thing for me is the major inherent danger of riding a bike- Decapitation.

Seriously.

This is a cop bike at the airport- see the antenna looking thing on the handlebars?
It's not for the AM/FM receiver.

During the winter, it's kite season.
And there are two fun pastimes for kids- Kite fighting - like in the book 'The Kite Runner' by Khaled Hosseini - and when the wind is right, dive bombing motorcyclists as they ride by the favelas.

So most bikes are outfitted with a kite string catcher...






The kite fighting is actually more dangerous to motorcyclists-

Every year there are about 500 motorcyclist injured by kite strings.
Two kites engage in battle, one's string is cut and the kite falls, the string trailing behind it, often lying across a heavily-traveled highway.
So- the motorcyclist travels along and catches a kite string across the neck or face.
Ouch.
Ant to make it worse, it's not just regular string- that would be bad enough- they amp it up here in Rio.
The old practice of coating your string with glue and ground glass (referred to as Cerol) has been outlawed...
but there is new product called 'linha Chilena' containing aluminum oxide and quartz power- and it's a shitload stronger than Cerol...

So this is why you need that antenna on the front of your bike:






Jeebus...

I'll just stay in the car... Forget the bike.

As Chef said "Never get out of the boat."...

TBG

Damn. I'm heading for a Safe Space.

Shots fired at Yankee Pier at SFO.

Getting a bite before my flight to IAD...
A couple guys sit at the counter with me, start to place their orders...
Ancient Asian Waitress: "Watchoo want drink?"
Guy1: "Water and coffee- black."
Guy2 (to Guy1) : "So... Hot, bitter and resentful?"
-short expectant pause-
TBG: "Wow. Check please!"

TBG- [Exit- Pursued by an elephant seal]

Traffic Thoughts...

Out at lunchtime today to run an errand...
Got caught behind a old beater Buick that just positively screamed "Axe Murderer at Wheel".
(You know the type- Car hasn't been washed since 1987, faded "Mondale for President" bumperstrickers. Edges of all the windows are getting that  fogging from sun damage. Can't even describe how stereotypical the driver was- long unwashed hair, Coke-bottle glasses, wifebeater shirt.)

After following it awhile it seems I was mishearing it-  the shout was really "Paedophile!"

Say what you will about those depraved motherf'ers...
At least they slow down when the go through school zones.

TBG - - [exit, pursued by a bear]

Golf Stuff: Best comments regarding Ernie Els' 7-putt on Hole 1 at the 2016 Masters

His caddy was just standing there like ... "well, there goes my paycheck for the week"

I usually start the "one of us!" chant, but fuck, that's not even one of us, man.

This will go down with the biggest disasters of all time.... Challenger explosion.... Chernobyl.... Ernie Els opening hole of 2016 Masters.

He will henceforth be known as Ernie "Motorboatin'" Els...  putt-putt-putt-putt-putt-putt-putt

Since breaking the club into 2 or 3 pieces and throwing it in the nearest trash can would be as unacceptable as tossing it into the nearest lake at Augusta, I would calmly walk over to a child in the audience and give it to them, then putting with literally any other club for the rest of the round.

The elusive Sextuple bogey!

Gawd that was painful to see...


TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Sausage. Party.

wow.

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

I Have A Filthy Mind

...no surprise there, eh?

But...seriously, what did YOU think it was when you first saw it?

(Sir Mix-A-Lot is in negotiations, I hear...)

Another angle...not quite so prevocative.

TBG - my anaconda don't want none, Hun.

Turning Ugly in Toronto

....And we have 10,000 gallons pounds (thanks Jim) too much on fuel on the plane.
Looks like there will be a delay.
We only have a 40 minute connection time in DC...
I have a bad feeling about this.

Here We Go....

Buckle up, Buckaroos! We're going for a ride...

On the whole, I'd probably be better off in Honduras.

TBG - - Μaking backups-

One of Those Weeks

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Traffic Control, or Lack Thereof...

Holy crap...

Having driven in Beijing and Shanghai, this traffic isn't that different-
but the pedestrians- walking through the center of the intersection. Yikes!

I think that corner on the right would be a great spot for a body shop or an urgent care clinic...

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Overheard in the Lounge Car

Two conductors are burning up the lines here in the club car. They're trying to roust an engineer (repair guy) to get a repair done when we get to Savannah station.

Conductor 1: "What exactly is wrong?"
Conductor 2: "We hit a buzzard coming out of Jesup."
C1: "A buzzer? What the hell is a buzzer? Is that code for something?"
C2: "A BUZZARD. A big-ass vulture. It hit the windshield and tore the wiper off."
C1: "Oh. Well, what's the big deal?"
C2: "Its gonna rain all night- need that wiper to see the tracks in front of us."
C1: "Yeah, I guess that's a good idea."

Yeah- y'think so, Sparky?

TBG - Ridin' the rails...

All The Gear - All The Time - Oz Bike Ruminations

Really missing my bike right now...
Especially sitting in the traffic while the local bikers filter through the traffic here.

I kinda liked being able to do that when I rode here last year, and would love to see the practice legalized in the 'States.
(Filtering - Motorcycle lane filtering is when a motorcycle rider moves alongside vehicles that have either stopped or are moving slowly, less than 30km/h. Lane filtering laws now apply in NSW. It's somewhat legal in Kalifornia too, but there is quite a bit of controversy regarding the subject.)
Of course, lane filtering, even if legalized in the US (especially the South), would be looked upon as blatantly unfair and presumably oppressive to four-wheelers, and become a challenge to right-thinking drivers everywhere and Steps Would Be Taken to end such a heinous practice. (Think lane-squeezing and car-door opening.)

It would become a case that would (I think) encourage wearing All The Gear, All The Time.
Now I know that some Really Conscientious Riders (Weekend Warriors, Rolex Riders, Etc) do it, but some of us (yes, guilty as charged) for whom riding is our main form of transport don't go full kit every time we ride.
Really- boots, iron-cloth riding pants, chaps, armored jacket, rhino-hide gloves, full-face helmet, etc etc ad naseum are a little much in 95-degree heat to go two residential blocks to the grocery. Proponents will argue accidents will happen anywhere, do you have a fire-extinguisher, and you do carry your pistol everywhere just-in-case, right- then go right or don't leave the driveway.

Granted - I don't go full kit each-and-every-time, but I also don't go Squid-mode - shorts, flipflops, tank top, 110mph with my head afire like some sportbikers...)

I really should go ATGATT but I don't, and that's my mistake...
I'm sure my man Borepatch would chastise me using very personal experience as a cautionary tale, but I'm in recovery (after all, isn't acceptance of the situation part of recovery?)

Another aspect is for a rider to know his/her limitations and expectations. (a/k/a pull stupid stunts, win stupid prizes)
Like this:

Yeah- that's gonna hurt.


Moving on- I think I've mentioned it before- before heading off on a long bike ride, I like to go to YouTube and watch some Russian dash-cam motorcycle videos...
They are the best incentive to go ATGATT.



She's gonna have a problem hitting that shifter with those shoes...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Pissed Off Dinosaur

Jeebus!
Is that what I look like when I get in a
"Hey! You! What the hell are you looking at?!" mode...


(Best not to click on the pic...seeing it full size should probably require a trigger warning.)

Over Christmas I got the pic in an email from the famous Shanghai driver Mr. Gu.



Mr. Gu, Yours Truly, and our other driver Sum Ol Gai

Mr. Gu has been RF's driver for several years, and he always takes care of me and the other guys once the tournament in Shanghai is over.
In this pic we had all gone to the Cybermart to shop then to lunch in XinTanDi. I got to ride in the S-Class with Coop, while the other guys took the M-Van.
I let the other guys have the S-Class for the airport run, though...
Nice ride... Nice guys.
Thanks Mr. Gu- you da man.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Obstinate

Ms. Bosalina Sassafras (a/k/a Bosie or The Bear) has begun to show a new behavior...
I call it "The Black Shuck"

If she is outside, ostensibly to assist with taking the trash out or to help me cover my motorcycle, when it is time to come in she just selects a spot and sits (or lays) down, staring me down until I have to come out and tender a formal invitation to go back inside.
Night or day- no matter.


The accusatory glare.
"Don't just stand there gawking - go get a tennis ball and throw it for me."



"I can wait all day."


The scary one...

Actually, there may really be a Black Shuck in the neighborhood.
I didn't notice it until The Perfect Child pointed it out...


Holy crap.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

A Girl After My Own Heart

I was in Noo Yawk Sitty at the beginning of last week.

Meetings with the good folk in Secaucus and OhDannyBoi in Midtown. Always a good time.

Things were pretty good- I'm doing the low-carb thing - fortuitously there was a Brazilian steakhouse less than a block from the hotel, so I had that going for me...

(Fogo de Chao for those keeping score at home)

A couple non-paid endorsements are in order here- first:

If you are a traveler, have you installed the Hotels Tonight app on your phone yet?

Do it. Do it NOW. Listen to your Uncle Jay: It's awesome. 

I got the Manhattan Hotel on Times Square (which is NOT on Times Square) for $140 for that evening. A steal for Midtown property... 

Second - I picked up a pair of Belleville Tactical Research Hot Weather Boots (TR606 - Sage) from Outdoor Equipped via Amazon and I've been wearing them pretty extensively- including this trip to the (very rainy) Big Apple and they are amazing...

I have been having issues with Plantar Fasciitis, and I have had to swear off flip-flops and sandals (difficult for me) and have been wearing shoes with significant soles and arch support to clear it up.

These boots are no exception- Mid rise uppers, lace-ups, great sole and arch- and great for the extensive walking around the mean streets of The City. And they stood up to the water and mud 

spectacularly.

Love me some Belleville boots. Get you some.

(I repeat- unpaid endorsement. Note to FTC: Blow me.)

So... to the Girl...

I was heading back out to Newark for my flight back home- I hoofed it through the mud, blood and rain to Penn Station and decided to get a bite before catching the train to EWR.

Found a little bar/restaurant that looked promising...

As I sat down, the barmaid was yelling to another waitress-

"F*ck that guy! He gets nothing!" indicating another customer who just laughs along with the bar wenches...

Wow. Nice language... You kiss your mother with that mouth?

It was the start of an amazing barrage of public profanity in epic proportions...

Now, I'm as bad as then next events technical staff member when it come to extended time on the road - 'Events Tourettes' we call it. Usually takes me a week or so to rein in my language after a long stint in the field. But this woman put me to shame... Her range creative profane embellishment and command of invective would embarrass a sailor...

She dropped the F-Bomb three times in the first minute I was at the bar-

(Being the good statistician that I am, I had to start keeping track...)

Her use of the F-Word was remarkable... She used it as a noun, a verb, an adjective, adverb, pronoun, article and a participle at one time or another over the 40 minutes I was in the bar.

The final count- in 40 minutes over 110 utterances of the F-Word (or variations like MFer) alone.

I didn't count the rest of the expletives like d*mn, sh!t, and the oh-so-popular 'C0cks^ck3r' - (her second-most used multi-function word) but there was a ton of them.

She reminded me of the line from 'A Christmas Story'...

"He worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium; a master."

This woman has picked up the gauntlet of challenge and is striving to bring a new range and timbre to recreational cussing...

Salute.

I don't Think That T-Shirt Means What You Think It Means - Shanghai Edition

Wow.


That's about all I got.


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

I Did Nazi That One Coming

They're going to have to rethink this entire line of products...



(the text of the review is priceless...)

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Rise of the Machines

After writing up this post, I got to thinking...

Maybe it's not...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE