Come Stay in Lovely Media Favela #3!

(Caution- Parody.
No one should infer that the following pictures and descriptions bear any resemblance to the truth or actual conditions. Things are actually really nice and we are having a great time. Seriously.)

Welcome to Rio2016!
We want you to relax and enjoy your stay in Rio as part of the 2016  Games.

We have tried to make you accommodations at our Media Favela #3 as nice as possible with all the comforts of home!


The common area of your room will be suitable for close intimate gathering of friends to enjoy an after-work beverage or an evening of good conversation.


When you retire for the evening, the cool crisp sheets will comfort you as you enjoy a full nights sleep in clean & fresh surroundings. Be careful that you don't oversleep and miss your shift tomorrow!



Out modern plumbing facilities will ensure a clean and sanitary experience for your morning ablutions.


Cutting edge technology will bring you the best electronic experience- great internet connectivity, clear, crisp telephone calls, and a host of TV channels for your entertainment all through our brand-new high-end technical infrastructure.


Meet your neighbors and coworkers from around the world... Make new friends as we all work and play together.


Enjoy a refreshing swim in our lovely swimming pool complex. A nice caipirinha poolside or other beverage will help you unwind after a long day.


If physical activity is more your style, shoot a round of hoops with your co-workers and neighbors.


...Or visit our weight room to have an intense workout and stay in shape.

Please enjoy your stay in Media Favela #3, and be sure to let us know if you need any assistance with your stay... Our lovely and talented admin staff will be happy to help!




TBG - - [Exit- pursued by howler monkey riding a capybara]

Yesterday's News Cycle - San Bernardino

Before  11:00am PST
CNN:
Climate change!
Climate change,
Reparations!
FIFA!

11:00a PST
CNN:
Active shooter!
Active shooter!
Active shooter!
Active shooter!
ZOMG!

Twitter:
F'ing NRA!
Evil gun lobby!
Workplace violence!
Praying doesn't help - DO SOMETHING!!!1!11!

11:05
Democrats: Calls for drastic measures to curb gun violence, blaming Conservatives for giving access to guns to everyone from two-tooth hillbilly mouthbreathers to convicted Islamo-terrorists that are on the FBI/TSA no-fly list, including 500 rounds of free armor-piercing exploding cop-killer bullets for free.
Dem 2016 Candidates: Grandstanding with meaningful soundbites!
This isn't normal. WE MUST DO SOMETHING!

Conservatives: Thoughts and prayers for victims and families.
Also: Hey! Slow down! Let's let the situation get resolved before we start assigning blame.

CAIR: "Man, we hope the shooters have a normal American name like Smith or Jones."

11:15a - 6:00pm
CNN:
Active shooter! Live helicopter shot!
Active shooter!  Planned parenthood only a mile from shooting location!
Active shooter! Interview with talking head from Three Letter Agency!
Active shooter! Interview with retired officia from Random Government Agency!
Active shooter! Interview with talking head from a different Three Letter Agency!
Active shooter! Helicopter Live Feed!
Active shooter!  Planned parenthood STILL only a mile from shooting location!
Active shooter! Vehicle pursuit!
Shootout!
Uh Oh. - Syed R|zwan Far00k and Tashf33n M@lik - Hey! Look! Climate Change!
FIFA Scandal
Climate Change

Twitter:
F'ing gun owners!
Black Lives Matter!
F'ing politicians!
F'ing white mass murderers!
Columbine!
F'ing gun laws!
Aurora!
F'ing NRA!
Charleston!
F'ing GOP!
F'ing Angry White Guy Mass Killers!
(Shooter names released)
*crickets*
(clicky-click - twitter messages being deleted)

Thursday AM:
CNN:
"Motive Unclear"
"Workplace violence"
"Still under investigation."
PSA for Anchorit.gov (Anti child injury by furniture tipping initiative) - WTF?

CAIR:
"Don't blame entire group/subclass/religion for actions of one or two people."

NRA:
"Yeah, we said that last week. Hope it works out for you as well as it has for us."

Twitter:
DO SOMETHING!!!! YOU'RE NOT EVEN TRYING!!!11!
F'ing gun owners anyway!
F'ing NRA too!
F'ing politicians!
F'ing stupid Americans!
Make $$$ sitting at home in your underwear eating cheetos. Click this link.

**logout & close laptop**

Ghod, I've gotta get out of this office. The exposure to CNN and Twitter is killing me.
I think I'll go drink a big glass of tapwater and go breathe the air out on the balcony that overlooks the traffic circle at Diana Cazadora.
It's gotta be better than sitting in here...

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

1 Week Later - Still Jet Lagged: 2:30 AM Thoughts

It's 2:30 in the morning.
I have a meeting at 9:00a and there is no possibility of sleep on the horizon...

And what am I thinking about in the dead of the night?

That the perfect crime has probably already been committed and no one will ever know about it.
Ever.



TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Women. Can't Live With Them...

...Can't live without 'em
...Can't lead them to water OR make them drink
...Can't judge them by their covers
...Can't shoot 'em without lots of paperwork and hefty prison sentences, usually
...Can't have cake and eat it too
...Can't beat them or join them
...Can't get blood from a turnip.

One of the Boys was tore up- huge fight with his SO, shouting and hurtful words, etc.
As he was lamenting his situation in committee so to speak, we listened and prepared to make some helpful observations and suggestions.
Because that's what guys do. 
We try to help.


He bemoaned the fact that he just doesn't understand his SO, or women in general, that has relationship is teetering on the brink of the abyss and is probably irrevocable.
He solicits us for help regarding understanding women.
Us.
A bunch of childish morons who are barely housebroken and have about as much 'understanding' of women as a dog has of analytic and algebraic topology of locally Euclidean parameterization of infinitely differential Riemannian manifolds...

Hey, we're not gynecologists, but we can give it a shot.
For my part, I brought all my experience in 40 years of dealing with girls/women and nearly 25 years of marriage, and a heaping amount of book-learnin' in sociology classes at UF, and a boatload of Internet droppings (cause we all know how accurate that shit is) into the conversation.

First and foremost: Don't try to 'understand' women. Women understand women, and they fucking HATE each other.



Second: If a guy talks to other guys for advice (which is rare in and of itself), he is looking help with a situation. He actually WANTS advice.
If a woman goes to other women for advice she is looking validation regarding her position. She doesn't want advice, but if it bolsters her position, she might fold it into her argument.

But- if your SO wants to talk about her problems and doesn't SPECIFICALLY ASK for advice or help, DO NOT OFFER ADVICE OR HELP.
She just wants to talk about it  SOMEONE and most likely one of her girlfriends wasn't available. Just listen, nod your head sagely and offer non-committal vocal assent.

Guys want to be helpful and fix things- but sadly, women are usually just wanting to talk things through...
(This is one of those 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus' things. Men's and women's thought processes are so different it has been opined (read this) that men and women aren't the same race, and probably aren't even the same species.)

Back to our sad friend-
"Look- I understand your feelings.
You miss her, you're miserable without her.
You can't imagine your life without her in it.
You'd do anything for her.
You want her back in your life so bad there is nothing else you can think of... she completely dominates your thoughts 24/7.
There is nothing you wouldn't pay to have her back, 
and would gladly commit horrible violence to regain her.
Men often feel that way about women...


Women feel that way about SHOES*."

How can a guy possibly hope to understand that?

Just suck it up, Buttercup.
Here endeth the lesson.



TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE
* To be fair, I know women who are this way about jewelry, booze, fast cars, and at least one that feels that way about guns. Obsession isn't pretty. But it can be entertaining.

Kübler-Ross Would Be Appalled - The Five Stages of Blogging

5 stages- I haz it.
Especially after re-reading that last post. Gah.
______________________________________________________________

Denial
Upon seeing or experiencing some inanity or stupidity, the thought of "I cannot believe the AssHattery I am seeing here."

Anger
"This shit is so FUBAR I must blog about it! To the Keyboard!"

Bargaining
After several hundred keystrokes, a handful of Google searches, a wiki-wander or three, missing out on going to lunch with the new receptionist, and a deadline looming for getting that new contract done and submitted- you make promises:
"Just 2 more paragraphs. And a link to that picture on fark.com...
Then I'll get back to that proposal."

Depression
On first proofread:
"What the f... Did a third grader write this?
Nope- A third grader would have done a batter job.
Why do I even try? No one reads this shit anyway. Tam probably wrote about this weeks ago and probably did the job 10 times better."

Acceptance
Fuck it. (presses send)
Like I said- no one reads my shit anyway.
Who gives a shit. At least it's free ice cream.


TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

I Has a Sad

Well, shit.

My man Borepatch is shutting down his site-

I can understand not wanting to fire up and run the free ice cream machine every day.
I have the same feelings myself all the time.

His was one of the many that I subscribe to on my RSS feed. And as I was doing some checking, it seems like way too many of my feeds have gone dark. Some were 'meh' and some are missed terribly.
Borepatch will be one of the latter.

Fortunately I have had the pleasure of his company on a couple occasions and plan on continuing this trend as often as I can arrange it.
He's not that far away, and is in a city where I already have familial ties, so I will be in the area now and again, and I will make time to meet up with him as often as our collective schedules permit.
I see many two-wheeled meetings in the future-


The only time a goodbye is painful is when you know you'll never say hello again.
Fortunately for me, this is an 'Until we meet again' situation...
For others in the blogosphere, it may well be a sad goodbye.

Take care BP...


TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Douchebag Parking

I love this-
I'm going to start carrying a big stick of chalk around...

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

This Is Not The Time... Racial Lecturing @ Starbux

Starbucks "RaceTogether"


"It's 'MacchiAto', not 'MacchiatO'" 


Yeah, when I want to spend 4 bucks on a mediocre cup of joe, I go to Starbucks...

Now if one is so inclined, you get earful of entitled bohemian blathering at you about racial equity in addition to your overpriced java.

Entitled Bohemian Barista: "While (pick appropriate hipster name: Leonora, Asher, Sadie, Willa, Roscoe) makes your doubleshot, half-caf-half-soy skinny latte, would you like to chat about race relations?"

Yours Truly: "Well, if you want to.... Do you believe that Kanye West accurately reflects the black man's perspective and societal aspirations, especially when he tweets pictures of Kim Kardashian's gigantic ass?" 

Yeah, that's what I thought.
Shut your piehole and ring up the next pretentious asshole in line, princess.
  

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Hmmm - Never Thought Of It That Way...

As I was trying to get my rebooking sorted this morning, the level-one United rep (the guy who stands between the queued up passengers and the Ticketing Agents) and I were chatting regarding the cancelled flight...
I remarked that last year I was on the same cancelled SYD-LAX flight... He gave me a sidelong look and slowly nodded his head.
"Any of your other flights get "mysteriously" cancelled?" he asked.
"Loads of them. Probably 10 this past year." I said.
"Hm. Ever think the problem might be you?" he said, with a trace of humor...

Wow.
Never thought of that.

Maybe it IS me...

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Global Warmenings -STFU

I did it again-
Over lunch I was eavesdropping overheard the two idjits next to me at the bar discussing the ZOMG Global Warming, Anthropological Climate Change, Radiative forcing, Greenhouse effects, and /or Global dimming (no shit), and listening to their precautionary plans ("After all, we live in Florida; We'll be first and hardest hit!")
I finally couldn't take it any more...
(discussion recreated from memory)

Yours Truly: "Hey. Knock it off.... The science ISN'T settled. And even it all the worst case scenarios were true, it's not going to be a Hollywood epic water rise like 'The Day After Tomorrow'... The change will be so creeping you'll never notice it."

Clueless Pabst Blue Ribbon Drinker: "But there are plenty of places going under now, Smart Guy."

YT:"For instance?"

CPBRD: "Venice Italy."

YT:"Good example. Ever been there?"

CPBRD: "No."

YT: "Didn't think so... I have. The water isn't rising anymore than normal. The city is sinking by erosion and compression of underlying strata. Go there and see. Lots of public data on display.
2 or 3mm per year, documented a hell of a blot better than the 'predicted' 2 cm over 100+ years according to the IPCC and Algore."

CPBRD: "What about all the islands in the Pacific?"

YT: "You mean most of those islands that are just glorified sandbars to begin with? They are always in a state of near-disaster anyway; Historically there are always spring floods, tidal waves, tsunamis (completely different than tidal waves regardless of what movies/stories/Algore might tell you), and storm surges that overrun those islands. Always has been, always will be.
I would tell them, just as I would tell you- as a resident of a low-lying location: If you're worried about it, move."
CPBRD: "But they..."
YT: "Quite worrying about 'They'. That's the big problem with you Social Justice Warriors - you don't have a dog in the fight, but you want to be involved anyway.
Knock it off.
Mind your own business. If you think Florida is going under- Move. Now.
I'll give you $.06 on the dollar for your house right now so you can GTFO."
CPBRD: "But we all have to..."
YT: "No, we don't. Look- if you want to go to war about a cause, pick one that has actual victims and a solution. Malaria; Teen-aged drunk driving. Toddlers drowning in 5-gallon buckets. But don't spend my money (via Government proxy) on bullshit-but-oh-so-sexy causes like Climate Change that has no bonafides or provable end-games."

By now the restaurant manager and the barmaid are giving reproving glances to me and I guess I have overstayed my welcome...

Fucking morons.


I'm going to start wearing earplugs when out in public so the siren song of Progressive Hysteria will just pass me by. Because I'm just getting wayyy too get-off-my-lawn-angry at the stupidity around me.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

A Black Dog Sadness

Barkley
July 12, 2003 - February 24, 2014

You'll forgive me if I don't have words to express my feeling on this.
It's very dusty in my office and I'm having problems seeing the keyboard.

Please go visit Brigid and offer your condolences.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

You Forgetful Bastard

Let. Me. In.
Now.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Media Whores

I see USATodayYesterday is still using "choirboy" pictures for the Trayvon Martin case...



Thanks for being part of the problem, Media Assholes.

Why not use this shot?
 (People say no one can verify this is Trayvon. Conversely, they can say it isn't him, either. Methinks they doth protest too much.)

Notice to Media Whores:
Selectively picking a particular crime to rally against in order to boost readership and to cause unrest is so dishonest it is nauseating.
What about all the other Trayvons, Rosalindas, D'Marcios, Eduardos, Tanishas, Joses, and countless others dying every weekend in those gun-free utopias of Chicago and New York?

Where were the rallies and media masturbation for them? Sorry, nope.
Black-on-Hispanic crime? Forget it.
Not enough opportunity to inflame one race against another, so don't look for them.

 Not sensational enough, and not enough opportunity for Sharpton, Jackson, Et al.  to bask in the light of the TV cameras and give carefully rehearsed soundbites.


Next week is gonna suck for people in Sanford Florida...

And in 5 or so weeks, the defecation will hit the ventilation. Hard.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE