Forgot How bad It Was...

Going back through TSA Checkpoint...
Since I'm booked on Etihad Airways and I don't have a profile registered with them, I had them apply my American Airlines FF number, not that I have much status, but I was hoping they'd pass my TSA Known Traveler number on and I'd get PreCheck.

No such luck.

So I'm in the cattle class line, remove all your stuff, belt, shoes, etc. Take out the laptop, turn you head and cough.

I've been spoiled with PreCheck...
Just empty pockets and go.

Now I have to go find the restroom to clean up from the full-arm rectal exam I just got...

This will be an interesting trip.

TBG

The Weekend From Hell

(We'll return to the travelogue about Sochi shortly-
Let me fill you in on my current nightmare.)

Chasing the Sun: Sochi to Jax to Sydney

Tech Rehearsal 2 in Sochi is over- Rain, snow, horrific traffic, biting cold, strange what-if scenarios, livestock encounters, lost creds, strange food, mystery booze.

For our part, things went smooth.
We did what we came to do, solved some outstanding port security issues, and generally made some great strides toward a successful performance come February.
Now, if all my equipment arrives intact and they finish construction in Sochi, it will be awesome.
So, now on to my next slice of fun... Australia, via the long way 'round. Why, you ask (Because everyone does) don't you go straight from Sochi to Sydney?
Well, we were only in Sochi a week to do basic testing and dressed for cold.
Now I'm heading to Sydney where I need completely different kit. Summer clothes, supplies, tools etc.
Besides, the FreqFly miles are almost worth the torture of economy class seats for 60 hours of travel on 7 different flights in 4 days.

Feel my pain: Friday 12/6 at 3:00am the fun starts...
I get to pre-game at the Raddison Blu in Sochi, trying to fix my bill as there are some odd charges in my folio.
Then the driver from NBC Ground Transport shows up and we head to Adler Airport.
First leg- Turkish Airlines, to Istanbul.

Ah, good times... A planeload of unwashed Eastern Europeans that have never seen soap and can't spell deodorant. They think an ounce of cologne is an adequate substitute for soap & water.

Phrase of the day: "Alright Aziz, get your unwashed ass out of the aisle and let others get to their fucking seats."
(Yeah, it was 4:30 am and I'm a little cranky.)
And the guy next to me, Jeebus. The BO could knock a buzzard off a shitwagon.
But... For an hour I can take the stink to get this show on the road.

Next - transiting Istanbul airport.

Travel bullshit 1- unnecessary credential checks.
From the time I got off the Sochi flight until I sat in my seat on the next flight 8, count 'em 8 people had to check my passport. Several needed to see my picture page, one leafed through all the pages and made a mark on a sticker on the back cover. One looked for the sticker the previous guy put on. Showed my passport and boarding pass to the gate attendant and ten steps later a uniformed chick in the jetway (jetway?! They have Jetways!) wanted to see both again...
Bizarre.
Except for the unnatural need to see my passport, only one other encounter was notable. Going through the transit security an overzealous Turkish TSA-analog agent got a bee in his bonnet about a pair of hemostats in my carry-on. Remember what I said about being cranky... This guy got a full "Well, fuck you motherfucker, take them!" when he insisted they were forbidden.
None of the 150 previous inspections I've had while carrying them did anyone say anything. I put my disassembled carry-on back together under his watchful eye and saluted him...

"Fuck you very much, asswipe," and lumbered off.
Kinda surprised that I didn't get invited to an attitude adjustment session after that... I've got a short fuse when I short of sleep, or hungry, or traveling, or when confronted with dumbassery...

Ok, yes. I almost always have a short fuse.
Whatever.

Istanbul to London was passable: bulkhead seat, seat-mate that had bathed within the last 48 hours. I got a few hours in the airline lounge in London, then off to EWR on an 8+ hour flight.
(Movies: Cabin in the Woods, Skyfall & The Interns)
I also put a good dent in my current read, Bester's The Stars My Destination...
EWR was good and bad;
yay for Global Entry.
And my bag arrived all the way from Sochi.
The bad?
They close all but one TSA Checkpoint after 7,
And the TSA PreCheck lane closes at 7?
What the actual fuck, TSA?
You can do one or the other, but not both.

I had one more segment- EWR-JAX, and of course, there was one fly in the ointment.

I made it to Jax, but my bag of course stayed in Newark.
Any other time I could give a shit, but this time I have a short turnaround- I need my stuff. I have laundry to do and to repack...
I kept my cool and tried to charm the Lost Bag girl...
The bag will be in at 11, then they have a 3 hour window to deliver it.

Never mind, I'll come get it in the AM.
Which I did...
So now, Sunday AM, and I'm heading back to the airport...
Then 2+ hours to IAH, and 3+ hours to LAX, then 653,863 hours to SYD.
This is going to suck...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Smooth Moves

Pro-Tip for Sochi and Russia in general:

Don't take pictures of security checkpoints.

This might earn you a close encounter with a cattle prod.

But seriously, I thought TSA checkpoints were a joke...
This is even more of a 'why bother?'

TBG 

Will Someone Please Take The 'Kick Me' Sign Off My Back?

Suspicious packages at Jax International yesterday...

Of course, even though they got things squared away by 10:30pm, 

pretty much all JAX air travel is FUBAR for the next 24 hours.

Which includes my 6:10 am departure today...

After waltzing around with United for the better part of an hour, I'm rebooked through Orlando.

Which means I have to get to MCO by 5am, and there is absolutely no way I'm asking The Woman to drive 3 hours down and 3 hours back.

She loves me, and she'd do it, but at the cost of a certain amount of Domestic Tranquility.

So, 1am and I'm in the the old beater F150 heading south...

And without too much drama I'm finally at my gate at MCO.

The good? Upgrade to biz for the first leg...

And cleared through TSA PreCheck.

Yay me.

The bad- only 20 more hours of traveling to go.

TBG

Wrong!

I'm going to have to call BS on this one.
I don't know what demopgraphic they were
sampling, but this conclusion is
JUST FUCKING WRONG.

Most Americans now approve of TSA airport searches

"Despite some travelers' horror stories about "gate rape," most Americans seem to be OK with TSA security procedures in domestic airports."

Wrong!
Wrong wrong
Fuckkity wrong wrong wrong.








Yeah... People just lurrrrrve the TSA.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Oh. You want to play f*ck -f*ck?

We can play fuck-fuck.
As a matter of fact, we can play South Louisiana fuck-fuck, as Pete would say.
The TSA continues to find new and even more irritating ways to inconvenience the traveling public...
This morning I was passing through Houston (Hi Belle! Hi KX59!) and as I boarding my continuing flight I got pulled aside by two TSA agents for a surprise random inspection...
'Pulled aside' quite literally...
One agent grabbed at my bag as I passed by, throwing me off balance as I tried to pass their makeshift checkpoint.

TSA bag grabber: "Hey. I gotta check your bag."

Wrong. How about a little courtesy and decorum? How about an 'excuse me'?
I decide to have a little fun with this...
The spot where they set up their inspection table was a pinch-point, and when they stopped me, it stopped all progress. With the other passengers piling up behind me I unslung my bag from my shoulder and put it on the table.
Bag Grabber reached for it with his blue-gloved paws, but I pulled it back.

Yours Truly: "Go change your gloves first."
TSABG: "What?"

People start to squeeze by, but quite a few are watching.

YT: "You've been pawing through people's dirty underwear- change your gloves before you touch my stuff."

He gaped like a mackerel for a second then patted down his pockets, looking for another pair of gloves.

TSABG:(fixing me with a stern look) "Wait right here." and started rummaging through a bag behind their table.

The second Testicle Squeezer was randomly checking another bag...

YT:"Yeah- the TSA wears those gloves to protect themselves, not the public."

The TSA agent gave me an extremely nasty look...

YT: "Yep- Syph, lice, the clap, ringworm, staph, strep, and a host of viruses all are part of the possible fringe benefits when they don't change those gloves..."

The woman whose bag was being checked looked horrified.

YT: "Yeah- all part of the illusion of security."

The other agent finally got back with fresh gloves and started to check my bag.
And did a really poor job of it, I have to say.
I continued my TSA-is-bullshit rhetoric...

YT: "Yeah- although you THINK this is just staying a step ahead of the terrorists, it's really just an admission that you don't do a good enough job at the main screening location."
TSABG: "Here's your bag. You're good to go."

My fellow Frequent Travelers:
Make the TSA change their gloves before they touch you or your belongings...
Every time.
You're in more danger from the TSA transferring a dose of lice or a staph infection to you from a random stranger than you are from a terrorist attack.

Airport Ruminations

-or-
Put on your shocked face, The Big Guy is going to say disparaging things about the TSA.

Ready....Go.

 So, two Testicle Squeezers are on station at the boarding gate as they are loading the flight for Charlotte at 6:15am, giving everyone the Hairy Eyeball.
They are wearing their 30 minute "Behavior Evaluation" on-line course like it's a 8-year degree in behavioral psychology and analysis from Harvard...

About every 6th or 7th person is waved over and a quick bag check is done - they spend 5 seconds looking in the Lucky Traveler's carry-on.

So... Tell me, Nut Jugglers, is this how we're staying "one step ahead" of the Threat to American Skies?
The implication is that by checking inside bags at the door of the plane, you are admitting that you didn't do a good job at the main checkpoint and you obviously missed something.
And what makes you think that you will find something with a 5 second glance that an X-Ray couldn't detect back when we went through Mag & Bag?

TSA - Dumbassery On Parade.


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Waddaya Know?

Whoda thunk it...?
The Testicle Squeezers at Pittsburgh Int'l actually accepted the NEXUS card as ID this AM.

Color me amused.

TBG, at gate...

The Past Week - TL;DR

 Well... I know it's been a quiet week here at the old 'blog.

I've been busy...sorry.

On Monday I had to do a little equipment install down in Tampa, so I took advantage of the weather and rode my bike down...

On the way down I had the pleasure of driving through this little slice of heaven...


Both Waldo and Lawtey FL are speed trap city, as anyone going from Jacksonville to Gainesville for a Florida Football game will tell you...
Having traveled this road a couple hundred times in the last 30 years I know not to tempt fate...

I did my thing in the St. Pete Times Forum and then got a bite-
The Woman and the Perfect Child suggested a place that was featured on Diners, Drive Ins & Dives- Danny's All American...
I had their Mojo Cuban sandwich- marinated cuban pork- tasty!

I headed back north- staying off the interstates as much as possible...


I made my way through some nice canopy roads in central and north Florida...

On Tuesday I was back on the road, or more precisely, back at the airport...

I have been following the tales of The Mighty Skunk and his fortunes with the Trusted Traveler / NEXUS system...
I started my paperwork back in September and finally got tentative approval in November, only needing to have my in-person interview somewhere in or near Canada to get my NEXUS card...
When I was in Detroit a couple weeks ago I was able to schedule some time for my interview and finally cleared the last hurdle...
It was touch and go for a bit... They want to know the details on all your youthful shenanigans... And I have had more than my share of hijinks when I was a young'un. And some when I was not such a young'un... And they have access to everything- even stuff that is expunged and had records sealed. Scary, really.
Customs Guy: "So, Mr. Young, tell me about this charge in 1985 - assaulting a law enforcement officer."
TBG: "W-w-w-what? That charge was dropped!"
CG: "Not from OUR records."

Note to would-be applicants for the Trusted Traveler/Global Entry Program-
No prevarication... They know everything.

So I got my NEXUS card in the mail and was looking forward to using it, to see if I would be able to clear the fast entry line at JAX...


(image from Homeland Security Theater)
Yeah- No.

It did get me into the preferred traveler line, but the TSO at the primary checkpoint declined it as a form of ID.
Not only did she decline it, I was treated with such rudeness that it bordered on abuse-
You'd have thought I was trying to use my Costco card for ID...
She chastised me soundly... I took it stoically- making note of her name and some of her choice phrases, planning on speaking to her supervisor.

Which I did...
And her supervisor was also ignorant of the DHS's rules, telling me that this card was not acceptable- that it wasn't even issued by our government...
(Because there is french terminology on it, I guess.)

Dumbassery on parade- I guess the TSA agents spend their time learning how to cup a guy's testicles correctly, rather than know their own  guidelines.


(Notice the change in terminology- no more Concealed Carry Permit)

She made quite a show of inspecting my card, then making a photocopy of it and writing several notes on it...
Good thing too, since I spent the next two hours on the TSA website filing a carefully worded complaint about the attitude and knowledge level of the TSA screeners. I wonder how long it will take for my complaint to filter down, if it ever does.

Hopefully my next TSA experience will be more pleasant...but I doubt it.

The next few days were a whirlwind-
I flew into Philly Tuesday AM- went to Wells Fargo Arena, drove through Manhattan up to Long Island, loaded my SUV with equipment Wednesday morning,
drove back to Manhattan, picked up JR, drove to Newark and visited the Prudential Arena.

It's a new facility, and the guys that work there have a sense of humor-



A little juvenile, but a sense of humor none the less.

We went on from there- we headed down to DC to install equipment in the Verizon Center... I haven't worked in that arena since December of 1997.
Thursday and Friday we did the install, and I headed to the next location-
Pittsburgh.

Just outside of DC the temp went from 50 to the low 20s very quickly.



Then the snow started...



Fortunately the SUV has all-wheel drive...
I got into Pittsburgh with a minimum of problems.
We start installing our gear here tomorrow. 6:00 departure time from the hotel.
Yay.
The old Mellon arena is across the street from the hotel...
What's left of it, anyway...


Not pretty.
Spent a good amount of time in there...
It was a pretty unique arena.

Ah well...
Onward - through the fog.


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Subtle Shift

...or maybe it's not so subtle.
I was perusing the magazine (not clip) rack at Logan this AM to conclude a not-very-scientific study on behavior modification.
To wit:
In the airport in Jax, Raleigh-Durham, Columbus, and in fair Beantowne, you can't find a firearm-oriented magazine (not clip) on any newsstand. No Field & Stream, no Guns & Ammo, nothing with potential to make the sheep uncomfortable...
(You can get all manner of porn, of course- Playboy, Penthouse, Hustler, People, Food & Wine... But all that is politically correct.)
Is it by the TSA's urging? After all, I'm sure the "if you see something, say something" busybodies have a field day when they see someone like me reading a periodical on full-auto revolvers, survivalist/miltia fashion options, and color-coordinating your reloading bench.
I guess you can't have a gun, anything that looks like a gun, or even have a picture of a gun at an airport these days.
I did find some firearm-related items- a gaming fanzine with a first person shooter character on the cover (dual wielding a pair of Desert Eagles, forsooth) and several "opinion" rags with ominous articles - "Handgun in the House? WTF is wrong with you?" kinda stuff.




















Of course, a sampling of article teases on the covers of the remaining mags (not clips) are just an exercise in puzzlement...
"Look better naked"
"Sexy abs and butt"
"Sex-Shopping-Beauty-Gossip"
"Look fabulous for less"
"Sex Quiz"
...and these are from GQ, Mens Health, Esquire and Newsweek.
I'm embarassed to tell you the hilighted articles on the cover of Cosmo, Vogue, Vanity Fair & Glamour.
TBG, Gate 32, singing the JetBlue Blues.

I Feel So Much Safer...

...with Barney Fife here on patrol.
I think he has the ersatz Segway because it makes him taller.
Even with him riding his scooter I'm still taller than he is...
I'm no behavioral psychologist (but I play one on teh Intarwebz) but from the personal interactions I have seen from this guy, he has a tiny penis and/or a huge Napoleon complex.
He rides his scooter to gates where flights are boarding and positions himself to observe, or more precisely, BE observed in his role as Protector of the Homeland.

The most distressing interaction was him dressing down an older woman whose bag was a little too far (in his opinion) into the open space as she waited to board her flight and was in the way as he maneuvered his electronic stallion.
I didn't catch the whole exchange, but I did hear the terms "unsafe conditions", "fire escape hazard", and I think "improper control" of her baggage.

Doesn't this jerkwad know that it's the TSA's job to inconvenience and humiliate the traveling public, not the Airport Police?

FTMF. Hard. Twice.





TBG, trying to find a monkey wrench for this asshat.

The Good and The Bad

The bad?

Jousting with the nut-gropers at the TSA, again, at JIA.

I emptied all my pockets and compartments in my Blackhawk! Tac Operators pants prior to going through the Nude-o-Scope, and got pulled aside yet again.


Testicle Fondler: "Sir, you have something in your right pocket."
Yours Truly: "Nope. I don't."
TF: "Machine says so. I need to pat you down."
YT: "Go for it. Get your jollies."
TF: "What?"
YT: "I said 'Go ahead.'"
He felt around the outside of the right side cargo pocket...
TF: "There is something inside there."
YT: "Nope- what you feel is magazine retention loops. These pants are designed to securely carry 2 AR magazines in each storage pocket."
TF: (seriously) "Are you carrying magazines now?"
I gave him a moment to think about it.
YT: "Do you know what an AR15 Magazine looks like?"
TF: "Well... to tell you the truth... No."

To continue the conversation would only make things more difficult.

YT: "Nope. No magazines."
TF: "Then what is in that pocket?"
YT (getting exasperated): "Nothing. There are cloth loops sewn into the pocket..."
TF: "If you don't have the magazines, then why..."
YT: "You'll have to feel inside the pocket to understand..."
TF: (starts to stick his blue-gloved hand in my pocket...)
YT: "But you WILL change your gloves first..."

The Testicle Fondler decided that that was too much...
TF: "You're good to go."
 Jeebus H. Turdhumping Creeest, I hate Tired, Slow and Anal agents...

The good?

Going to the Jax Beach Public Library with the Perfect Child...
That is one of the Early Voting locations for our area...
She took her brand-spanking-new Voter's Registration card and cast her ballot in the Florida primary election.


On the way there we discussed candidates, values, and political realities-
What issues to consider when choosing who to vote for, and the old saw about similarity between sausage-making and legislation...

She enjoyed casting her vote... She'll learn later about the other aspects of voting-
a favored candidate losing the election, favored legislation getting voted down and the spectrum of emotions that one experiences over the course of a contentious election cycle.

Welcome to the the real world, Sugar.


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Kids These Days...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

DTW, 9/11/11

Curb to Departure Gate time: 1:07
They're pulling out all the stops this morning. Everyone gets Nude-o-scope scanned, everyone gets a palm swab & scan, they even have a team of TSA dogs on station at the checkpoint...but I'll be damned if I can figure out how they trained them to sniff out toenail clippers and bottled water.

Bright spot of the day: the Nice Delta Lady didn't charge me an extra $90 (on top of the $35 I already paid) for my bag being overweight.
NDL:"Your bag is 56lbs...That's too much. Can you move something to your other bag?"
TBG: "Sugar, I've been on the road since May. I quit playing 'missionaries & cannibals' with my luggage about 6 weeks ago. Charge me."
I've moved shoes and tools around too many times to keep under the 50lb limit. I'm over it.
I think it was just expediency (and she was either too guilty to charge me $90 for 6lbs, or she was just too lazy to for the paperwork...)
I *know* it wasn't my charm and dashing good looks.
Regardless...
Now if I can just get a seat change...
5 hours in 43C will suck if I can't finagle a bulkhead or emergency row.

TBG - Day...hell, I don't know, 60-something?
(edit to add link. Really GR? You couldn't google it yourself, you had to send an email?)

Departing DIA - Standing Ovation

I was already in a foul mood.

Checked out of the hotel at 4:30am, headed for DIA and all the fun of an international departure.

Gassed up and dumped the car, got the shuttle to the terminal, got checked in with minimal effort, even got a bulkhead seat. Woo hoo.

Elapsed time- 2 hours.

Really, Denver? 2 Hours?


Now the fun begins- the TSA Checkpoint @ DIA has always been bad for me, hence the "arrive early as possible" policy for departures from Denver.



So- 6:40am and I'm in line to clear security for a 9:00 am flight.

And the line is loooong.
And since I've been flopped about on so many different airlines I haven't hit any milestones in the Frequent Flyer hierarchy, so I'm standing in line with the hoipolloi.
The only positive thing is they have the Family Lanes and Expert Traveler Lanes once you pass the first mouth-breather that checks your ID, so in theory things should be smoother.

And wouldn't you know, the couple-traveling-with-two-screaming-infants jump into the Expert Traveler line, one person in front of me.
"What's wrong with people? Can't they read the signs?" I said, just loud enough for the woman (business traveler) in front of me to hear... She rolled her eyes.
"You'd think the TSA would help direct these people to keep the flow moving."

You're asking alot honey, that would require a TSA mindset that actually wanted to HELP people, not make them miserable.

Screw it- I'm not in the mood to ruin their day...yet.
And the line is moving slow anyway...

Why is the line moving so slow?


Because it's coming up on 7AM, opening time for all the shops and kiosks in DIA, and all the day workers are jumping to the front of the line to get to work.

You've got to be shitting me, guys... Like five shoeshine guys troop to the front of the line, throw down  the plastic pie plate with their pocket junk and breeze through without even an "pardon me" or a "fare thee well".

You know how you always think of the perfect response, quip, cutting remark or I-shoulda about 10 minutes after the fact? Well, I was trying to be proactive- coming up with a plan of action for when I was up at the front of the line and one of these little bastards tried jump the queue...

Adding insult to injury, the literacy-challenged mom-pop-and-two-screamers are having issues getting all their crap squared away and into bins for the X-Ray...
While they struggle, more cashiers and cleaning staff jam their way past the granola munchers and Precious Snowflake 1 & 2.

And my Irritation Index is peaking.

And I know exactly what I will be saying and doing should someone throw down a bin in front of me and try to cut me off. I've had ten minutes to come up with a plan, and I have one that will probably work and not get me thrown in the DIA TSA holding tank...

Mom and dad and the yardapes finally make it past and are into their secondary screening - TSA Idjits are pawing through their diaper bags and inspecting all the flotsam and jetsam that accompany Travel With Kids, including mom's breast pump. Lovely.

Business Lady is next and as she pushes her bag and shoe bin into the XRay, a 5'0" Hispanic dude with a cleaning company t-shirt logo plops down a bin with his shoes and crap in front of my bag and stands behind Business Lady.

Bullshit, motherfucker.

I took his bin and placed it on the floor and slid it back down the line about 10' with my foot. The several other people in the Expert Traveler line looked at it and smiled...

The dude looked at me like like I'd sprouted horns and a tail....

He looked at the TSA guard at the metal detector- looking for diving intervention.
TSA Guy shrugged his shoulders. He wasn't getting involved.


"I'm allowed! You can't..." Queue Jumper sputtered.

"Wrong. I can. And I did.
And if you think you can just jump in here and inconvenience me without even being the least bit polite about it, I don't feel like I need to be the least bit polite either. I don't care if you DO work here, you should at least TRY to act civilized and ask permission or at least say 'excuse me'."

Two guys behind me gave me a thumbs up and a "Yeah, you tell 'em." and a couple further back started clapping, which spread through the line quickly. Both my line and the one next to mine- everyone that had been seeing the parade of day labor waltz through the checkpoint was clapping and hooting at the Queue Jumper.

I turned back around- slid my stuff into the XRay and TSA Guy waved me through as he tried to keep from laughing out loud.
The TSA Girl behind the XRay was laughing and shaking her head...
"That was beautiful." she said as she passed my bag through.

I never even looked back to see what happened to Queue Jumper. The other guys in line behind me came through laughing.
"That was awesome. I wish I'd had my phone out to catch that on video." one guys said.
I got several smiles and thumbs up as I was repacking my bag and putting my shoes on... I even got an encouraging word from the TSA guys.
"They are supposed to ask before jumping to the front of the line, but people don't usually call them on it."

The rest of the trip was a smooth downhill glide after that; I even sailed through Customs in Toronto like a breeze... I should have gone and bought a lottery ticket.

Of course, I remember the last time I was in Toronto...

Seeing the CN tower brings back some memories...


Yeah, I knew there was a reason I like Toronto.


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Quote of the Day - Body Cavity Search on Aisle 3 Edition

People what knows The Big Guy are aware that I have a limited number of comments, jests and japes that I am willing to use at an airport, TSA gropestation or Customs checkpoint...

And by-and-large, most airport employees (gate attendants and ticket agents especially) hve either lost their sense of humor or just fail to bring theirs when they report for duty.

Which was why I was horrified and amused at the oh-so-funny comment from the girl at the bag drop counter in Calgary.

When she tried to heft my bag onto the cart, she wasn't able to lift it...

"Jeez- How much depleted uranium ya got in there?" she asked rather loudly.
Loud enough, in fact, to cause the guys at CATSA (the Canuckistan equivalent of the TSA) to all look over at me and start putting on fresh rubber gloves...

Thanks, Hon. 'Preciate it.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Is That A Fact?

Panetta says U.S. is 'within reach' of defeating Al Qaeda

Defense Secretary Leon Panetta says intelligence uncovered in the Bin Laden raid showed that 10 years of U.S. operations against the terrorist network had left it with 10 to 20 remaining key operatives. Panetta is visiting Afghanistan for the first time as Defense secretary.

Story here


So, are we going to roll the DefCon at US airports back to a reasonable level?
Maybe bring the threat level back to Burnt Umber or ZOMG!Weallgonnadie!!11! or whatever they are using as classifications these days...

Will someone please the DHS and TSA before they start implementing the rectal probe scanners to check us for implant bombs?


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

New Movies: The Goon

I cannot wait.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Saturday Night in Queens

First-
WTF is up with the weather?
I left Jax Beach it was 81 degrees & beautiful.
I arrived here in Corona Park and it's 30 degrees.

Hey- has anyone looked at the calendar?
March 21 was the first day of Spring...

They are calling for a high tomorrow of 41 degrees...Low of 26.
Crap.
High of 39 for Monday.
Jeebus.

And second...
Is this a Holiday Inn or a zoo?

My next-door neighbor

And I think she has found the Comedy Channel, or perhaps a Jerry Springer marathon, based on the frequency and intensity of the whooping coming through the wall.

This is going to suck.

Double suck.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Make Up Your Mind- (the whole post)

(It might behoove Constant Readers and Noobs to familiarize themselves with the concept of the Big Guy Irritation Index - Here & here)

Scheduled departure time: 11:11am

9:40 Arrive JIA, check in.
BGII-2


9:59am: TBG at the gate.
(yes, scanned AND groped. I'm actually starting to look forward to it...)
BGII- 3


10:20am: Plane arrives
BGII-3

10:50am
We haven't boarded yet...
Starting to worry...
BGII-4

11:01
Announcement: Weather @ ORD, flight canceled.
(cue stampede to gate desk for flight changes)
BGII-4

11:02
TBG leaves gate to go back to ticketing desk to rebook.
Try to contact United toll-free number while walking back to check-in desk.
Fuggetaboudit.
BGII-4.5

11:04am
Reach desk
Wait in line (one person in front of me)

11:09am
Start trying to get routing/seats to Calgary

11:15am
Not much luck.
Best bet: JAX-IAH-LAS-YYC,
Getting in just after midnight. Maybe.
 BGII-5

11:17am
Call from gate: they are reinstating the flight. Get back to the gate. Now!
BGII-7

11:29
TSA, sensing stress and aggravation, sends me to the Radiation & Ball-jiggling line, for a second dose of scanning & groping.
BGII-8
They've lit the fuse now...
There is a bit of a verbal beat-down at moderate-to-high volume when the TSA testicle toucher tells me to assume the position:
"Hey- those gloves are for my protection as well as yours.
I just watched you grope the crotch on five different guys wearing the same pair of gloves, now you're going to run them all over me? I have news for you.
If you touch me without changing them, I'll see what I can do about having your ass brought up on charges of assualt..."

The Ball-Checker has a quick confab with his Supervisor, who, in essence tells him to change his gloves and get that loud-mouthed bastard out of the checkpoint.

A very cursory pat-down followed and I was on my merry way.
BGII-9

11:41am
Back at the gate. Boarding has started.

11:45am
On plane. Bulkhead, aisle.
(the only thing that actually worked out for me today.)

11:58am
Pushback & Departure

Hopefully the one hour delay doesn't screw up my connection to Calgary.


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE