Mmmmm. Tasty. (Not!)

I see what Constant Reader Luc is serving up for
the Labor Labour Day weekend...


Poutine Spring Rolls...
Spring rolls filled with french fries and cheese curd served with a gravy dipping sauce.

(via This Is Why You're Fat "Where dreams become heart attacks".)
TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Quote of the Event - US Open (Probably NSFW...)

Received in an email from Zach at the US Open...

(Highlight text to read the quote.)
"My interesting moment of the night. Waitress brings too many Guinness to our table, tells one of us to drink up. After slamming the beer down in record time she says

'Wow, I bet he eats pussy like a champ.'"


Wow.

That's all I can say.

Wow.


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Something else to look forward to under Obamacare

The British Medical Association (BMA) and Association of Chief Police Officers have discussed ways in which doctors can be made aware of patients who own firearms.

The BMA's plan to "tag" - or highlight - the medical records of patients who have shotgun or firearms licenses...



TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Catching Up: USOpen TWSS

MikeC: "I almost took that one in the eye."
Dingo: "That's what she said."
Everyone else: "Ewww!"

-and-

Dingo: "It'll have to go through from both sides."
YT: "That's what she said."
(And she probably said "ouch ouch ouch!" immediately afterward.)

TBG - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

Want.

Oh, I've gotta get me one of these...



I know; I looked re-dicking-fuckulous pedaling my bicycle around the Olympic Green in Beijing this time last year... I'd look even worse riding this beastie.

But still... It's pretty cool.






TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Anger-Driven Airport Violence

...and I wasn't even in the country at the time!

China Eastern Battle Royale in Beijing



See, all you Constant Readers that think I'm the one who causes all the bizarre behavior that I encounter whilst traveling.

These people got pissed due to a weather-related flight delay then some poor communications about how to kill 7+ hours in Beijing Capitol Airport.



Granted, if I had been on the flight, I'd have been ticked, but not enough to take a swing at a Gate Attendant...

I must be getting soft in my old age.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Another Interesting New Blogger

A Dixie Carpetbagger

Brief, to the point, conservative blogger...
Nice stuff, Dixie-

Constant Readers: Go, read, be entertained.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

They'll Write A Policy On Anything These Days.

From some UK entertainment rag:



Elly to insure her quiff.

She's insuring her... what?
Just a second...

(Urbandictionary.com to the rescue!!)

...Her Quiff

Oh.

I was thinking of something else.

Never mind...

TBG - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

Got Collagen?

So...being on several Delta/NorthWest flights in the last week, I have been frightened several times by looking up during the pre-flight safety video and being confronted by the Delta Safety Girl...

Katherine Lee... A high-cheekboned redhead with waaaay too much lip-plumping.
She looks like a sad cross between Lucille Ball and Angelina Jolie...

Here's the video, if you'd like to share my pain...

And the smarmy finger-wagging during her
"Smoking ... is not allowed, on any Delta flight."
has me hoping that I run into her on a flight sometime...
I'll give her something to wag her finger over.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Rock and Roll Airlines

Well, I'm on the plane...

Still on the ground right now, but all signs are good.

Chuck, Kirkwood, Sean and the girls are all stuck in Taipei until at least tomorrow. I'm going to have to send the folks at NBA travel a thank you card for putting me on this flight.

The first 30 minutes in the flight are going to be the exciting ones...

Sitting on the ground at the gate this plane is shaking like a dog trying to pass a peach pit...

The climb-out of TPE is going to be a carnival ride. We have sustained 80kph winds outside... Nothing like riding the Vomit Comet to Narita, 3 hours of retching and gagging... And not in the good way, if you know what I mean.



TBG - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

Caption Contest

Okay Constant Readers, let's see what you've got.
Caption this pic.
The winner gets 2 pimento cheese sandwiches from The Masters that have been languishing in the back of my fridge since April.

TBG - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

Tryin' to Reason With Hurricane Season

Well, all the flight status sites are telling me we are still a go for 9:00, so I'm in the back of a black Toyota sedan speeding through the deserted streets of Taipei.

We're making good time, so I should get to the airport in just under 30 minutes...
We have steady rain and and 40 mph winds, gusting up to 55.
Who knows- maybe I'll make it, maybe I'll be stuck... C'est la vie.

The bad part- if I miss my connection in Narita, it may be 2 or 3 days to get me onto a flight... The flights are pretty full.
I guess I'll get to be one of those poor bastards on standby that get left behind...

Taipei seems like a pretty nice place-
Wish I'd been able to see more than just the hotel, the arena, a Japanese grill and Room 18.
Maybe next time...

TBG - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

Turning Into A Pumpkin at Midnight.

So the festivities were just getting rolling at Room18 with Sean, Kirkwood and the guys from NBA Taiwan.

All their flights have been canceled, but I still have a car coming to get me at 600...

Everyone was gathered at a booth table near the back wall and an (obviously) inebriated Chinese man came up and started greeting everyone in typical drunk Asian - leaning in close, speaking in tongues, elaborate enthusiastic handshakes, and a huge face-splitting grin...

He gets around to Kirkwood and as gets a good look at him, he reaches up and puts one hand to one side of Kirkwood's face...

"Ah!...Black people!" He said, grinning even wider.

Awesome.

Kirkwood broke up laughing...Sean just turned away to keep from laughing in the guys face...

On that note I was outta there...



Gotta pack my bag and keep the positive waves going for my flight...



TBG - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

So Far, So Good

Delta.com

Flight Status
Fri, 07 Aug 2009
Status: Early
Departure Taipei (TPE)
Scheduled 9:35am 07 Aug

Estimated 9:00am 07 Aug

Arrival Tokyo (NRT)
Scheduled 1:55pm 07 Aug
Estimated 1:20pm07 Aug
---

Moving the flight time up?

Ok...I'll buy that.

TBG - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

This Can Only End In Tears...

...Or a massive infection and possibly gangrene.

We stopped by a "little club" for an after-dinner drink... A cozy little place with 400 or so of Taipei's Pretty People...
In one of the booths there was a girl getting a full-on 4-color tattoo...
I'm a little skeptical of the hygene at most tattoo parlors in the US. I'm just horrified at the thought of getting a tat in a crowded bar in Taiwan as the storm rages outside.
WTF is this chick thinking?!

(PS - Sorry about the crackberry picture. I don't take my good camera out at night since the Tongren Incident.)

TBG -Riding out the Storm- - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

The Next 15 Hours Will Be Interesting...

From CWB (China Weather Bureau)
"Severe tropical storm Morakot has intensified rapidly over the last 24 hours and has been upgraded to typhoon status by the Japanese Meteorological Agency. The storm has sustained winds of 65kts with gusts up to 95kts.

The current forecast track takes Morakot very close to the northern tip of Taiwan and then into eastern China on Friday. Morakot is forecast to intensify into a very powerful typhoon as it approaches Taiwan."



Well-
Things aren't getting any better.
Sure wish I'd brought my snorkeling gear...

Film at 11...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Welcome to NVKD - US. Rat out your neighbors Part 1.

I really really really like Breda's Letter to Whitehouse.gov...
Boy, it that doesn't get ya some personalized attention I don't know what will.

With The Lightbringer's new "Let us know if you see/hear someone that doesn't think like WE do, call our new department:Народный Комиссариат Внутренних Дел" we are just moving right through from semi-socialism right to Communism.

And I really like the idea of conspicuously wearing the .44 on my belt if one of Obama's Army shows up.
Hmmm...
Think I'll arrange it for when the ACORN/Census 2010 folks show up too.

The Breda Fallacy: my permanent record

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

I Like Asia.

Dumplings, springrolls and bacon to start the day.
*That's* a breakfast made of win.

TBG - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

Morakot Madness

Lovely-
There is a typhoon on the way, scheduled to make landfall on the western side of Taiwan about the time my flight should be leaving.
Rain starts today, heavy thundershowers, mudslides and flash floods are expected by later tonight. Current sustained winds are 74mph (119kph).
Anyone want to start taking bets about my TPE - NRT - SLC - ATL - JAX itinerary getting even more screwed up than it already is?

TBG - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

Bresticles...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Wrong On Several Levels...

New Sex Doll FOR DOGS Hits The Market



So, how long before the Yulee Fishwrapper reports that Jasper or Cletus got busted in a compromising position with one of these jewels...


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Letters to People Unlikely to Respond: Atlanta-to-LA Pee-Brain

To the girl with RLS and the grape-sized bladder sitting behind me for the last 4 hours.

Honey.

Your incessant kicking of the bottom of my seat for the last four hours is going to earn you a thumping you will not long forget.

The only thing more irritating than the constant drumming of my ass by your foot is the way you grab the back of my seat and use it to lever yourself up when you head for the restroom... You drag the top of my seat back 8 or 10 inches, then release it to impact me between the shoulder blades.
It feels like there's enough kinetic energy there to fling a 3-pound slab of bacon to escape velocity and into Low-Earth Orbit.
The first time was a surprise; the third and fifth time you did it were more than just an irritation....
But you have now upped the ante by using my seat as a pivot-point to swing yourself down into your seat like an incontinent pole-dancing stripper with Parkinsons...
I am just barely able to suppress the urge to whack you upside your vacuous cranium so hard that you'd hum like a 10-penny finishing nail struck with a greasy ball-peen hammer.

Fock it the knuck off already.

TBG - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

Pre-Flight Entertainment

Departure time: 11:25
Current time 12:15.

The drama is two rows in front of me...

Overweight & Over-entitled Passenger:
"You ain't takin' mah bags!"
Delta Security Guy:
"Ma'm, we need to check your bag, you'll get it in LA."
OOP: "You. Ain't. Takin'. It."
(Short flightcrew-security pow-wow occurs.)
DSG: "Ma'm, I either take the bag, or you are going to be removed from this flight."
(The Captain is now standing behind the DSG... He's the one who makes the decision.)
OOP: Long dramatic pause, then a heavy pissed-off sigh. "Awrite- take da damn bag! But if it gets lost..."
They take the bag and paperwork commences-
Sy'na'iqua is bitching to her seatmates-
"If they lose mah bag..."
"They doin' this 'cause I'm black!..."
"All these skinny-ass white girls..."
As she gets her claim check for the bag...
"Dis all bullshit! I ain't never flyin' wit' Delta agin!"

Promise?!

Its gonna be a long flight. Thank Ghod my next flight is at 8 (PDT) tonight.

Update - 12:38 - still at the gate.
(Lost our window for departure.)

TBG - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

Drama in the Aisle

An "overly entitled" passenger is pitching a fit- she has 3 bags and a purse, and the largest bag will not fit anywhere on the plane.
Not in the overhead,
Not under the seat-
Not even in the closet in the galley.

And Sy'an'iqua isn't having any of that!!

You ain't takin' *my* bag.

Oh no you d'int!!

Yikes- I feel a flight delay coming on as the Red Jackets come to moderate the festivities.

TBG - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

Step 2

Man, I hate flying to L.A.

What a bunch of self-important asshats.

Everybody is a special case-
I've seen 5 (count 'em: five)
wannabe starlets with 3 or more (huge) carry-on bags...

WTF is wrong with these people?

Drama is about to ensue-
People can't follow instructions.

TBG - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

Why So Socialist?

From SSI
TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Vacation Planning

(Just taking advantage of my first flight delay and free WiFi at JIA...)


Looks like a place I'd like to visit...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Once Again, Into the Breach

Off to Taipei Taiwan...

For you aero-philes out there its JAX-ATL-LAX-TPE. 25 and change hours.

Time to do battle with the Morons at the TSA.

Updates shortly.



TBG - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

What Exit?

For AG, DanO and the rest of my Jersey friends-

You know you're from Jersey when...

You watched "Mallrats" and said "I've been to that mall!"

At least half the people you knew in high school went to Rutgers.

Your big class trip in elementary school was to Morristown.

You long for the days when the Devils wore Christmas colors.

You know that the only people that call it "Joisey" are from New York.

You've planned a local trip around ensuring you pass at least one Dunkin' Donuts.

You don't think of citrus when people mention "The Oranges"

You know that it's called "Great Adventure"... not "Six Flags", dammit.

You've ordered a "hard roll with butter" for breakfast.

You've eaten at a diner, drunk off your ass, at 3am at least a dozen times.

At least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen.

You always use a minimum of 10 variations of the word "damn" while driving.

You don't have to go to Red Lobster to get fresh seafood.

You once said, "It smells like New York in here,"

In high school, you worked at a Friendly's.

The Garden State Parkway doesn't freak you out at night.

You know what a "jug handle" is.

You have mandatory recycling. Enforced by law.

You've eaten a pork roll and cheese on a hard roll...and like it.

You've pondered, "Maybe basketball would be more popular in NJ if the Nets didn't blow,"

You say "water" weird. (Wadder, Cawfee, Dowg, wadever)

Even your school made good Italian subs.

You've lived through hurricanes, nor'easters and fires, but have never seen a tornado or earthquake.

You can't believe MTV went to Seaside Heights.

You know that ACME is an actual store, not just a Warner Bros. creation.

You only go to New York City for day trips.

You've run out of money on the Parkway.

You know where to get the best bagel.

You think the Olive Garden is crap and should have never opened any restaurants in New Jersey.

There are no self serve gas stations and you like it that freakin' way.

You've had sex on the beach, and I'm not talking about the beverage.

You know how to successfully handle a traffic circle.

The Jets/Giants game has started fights at your school and/or local bar.

Your car is covered with yellow-green dust in April and May.

You can't understand why there aren't more 24-hr diners elsewhere in the county.

You live within 45 minutes of at least three different malls.

You've seen or been in a fight between a Rangers fan and a Devils fan.

You have or know someone with mafia connections too.

You're related to someone who thinks the New York Jets should be called the New Jersey Jets

You've been to a party in the woods.

You've purchased fireworks in Chinatown.

You know where to get a freshly cooked Taylor Ham, Egg and Cheese sandwich at 2 a.m.

You don't take shit from no one either.

You remember Action Park and may have been seriously injured there.

At some time you got on the wrong highway trying to get out of Willowbrook mall.

Z-100 used to be your favorite radio station.

Anything less than three inches of snow ain't shit.

Someone cut you off on the road and you told them to go f**k themself.

You think people from South Jersey talk funny.

You're radioactive and proud of it.



TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

And That's When the Fight Started...

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust.’

And that’s when the fight started…

***

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
“No,” she answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying “Yes.”
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”

And that’s when the fight started…

***

I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said.
So I suggested, “How about the kitchen?”

And that’s when the fight started…

***

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, ‘The weather out there is terrible.’
My loving wife of 10 years replied, ‘Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?’

And that’s when the fight started…

***

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o’clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man ‘Holy Crap..That must be my husband!’

So the man jumped out of the bed- scared and naked he jumped out the window. He crashed to the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, ‘I AM your husband!’

The woman yelled back, ‘Yeah, then why were you running?’

And that’s when the fight started…

***

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Molson Canadian for $24.95. Instead, she bought a jar of face cream for $17.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the face cream.

And that’s when the fight started…

***

A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’

And that’s when the fight started…

***

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. “I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”"
“Nah, she can order for herself.”

And that’s when the fight started…

***

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’
‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ said my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’

And that’s when the fight started…

***

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for my benefits. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt.’ So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.’

And that’s when the fight started…

***

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive… so, I took her to a gas station.

And that’s when the fight started…

***

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.
I bought her a bathroom scale.

And that’s when the fight started…

***

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”

And that’s how the fight started…




TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE