Wrap Up

The last 72 hours has been a blur...

The last day of the event- Sunday.
During the evening Catherine the Transportation Girl had made arrangements for Polly to be picked up for the airport at 6:15. If it had been me, I would have said a dirty word or two about that news. We were ready for a long day- I had come in early (about 9:30) because we had the rehearsal for the closing ceremony. We worked out the plan for some of the technical details needed for the end of the match... Knowing how apprehensive I have been about everything, you know I freaked out I when they told me they wanted to break apart the video wall for part of the presentation... You can rest assured that I didn't kill anyone, and only threw a small tantrum about how dangerous this plan was, etc...

Federed lost in 5 set tie break match- an epic battle with David Nalbandian...
If you want details you need to look here. Far better people than I have written excellent descriptions of the match.

Moments afterward the match point, Liu and the boys from SMG yanked 4 cubes from the wall in one minute and twenty seconds to let the 1st prize convertible Mercedes on to the court, then put the cubes back up and on-line even faster. They did an awesome job.... Me, I'd have been a wreck, trying to micromanage it.


Liu and the Boys- Liu is in the middle next to me.

We broke everything down and a little over an hour we took two heavily-loaded taxis back to the Hotel... Liu and the boys helped us drag our stuff out to the street and negotiate for the trip back to the hotel. They were tbe best.
Polly had to pack to leave in the AM, which left me with the task of carrying the IDS flag into the dark innards of Shanghai to mark our territory as having been challenged and conquered.
Instead of sallying forth and taking the battle down into Tong Ren or Maoming and mixing up among the locals and leaving a stain shaped like an IDS logo on the landscape, I instead decided to start small and hit the bar in the hotel and observe the local wild life...

The token hooker had taken up her customary position at the bar and was wheedling a shady-looking German businessman... From across the bar it looked like it was going pretty good...
I sat and nursed a Bacardi and Coke and watched the TPL & ESPN crowd from across the bar. A lady showed up and sat near me and we bagan talking.
He name was Susan. She was very outgoing and friendly. She had appearently struck up a friendship with the girls in the band that played at the bar, as they came over to see her as she sipped her chardonnay.
After they had left, we started talking. She runs the unofficial Rafael Nadal Website- Vamosrafeal.com and she was in town to cover the match for the 'site. Unfortunately, Nadal had to bail on the competition, but understandably so...
(See prevoius post)
In any case- She was with another girl, Neva, who was leaving at 5 in the morning, and as we all sat chatting, Cynthia Lum arrived-
Cynthia is an old acquaintence from many tennis tournaments in the past. She's a world-class photographer, and has a long association with IDS, supplying us with pictures for our records and for our graphics department. I've met her several times during my tenure with the company, and she is always a delight.
Cynthia was moving out of the Mayfair and over to a guesthouse off Ruijin Lu, named, oddly enough Ruijin Hotel. Go figure.
Susan and Neva decided to help Cynthia move to new place, and somehow I got roped into helping.
(How? you ask. And excellent question. That would be because my man Kevin Dominique, the bartender at the Mayfair, mixes a mean Cuba Libre.) Somehow it didn't seem right to send 3 ladies off into the dark streets of Shanghai at 3:30 in the morning with a cab driver of unknown pedigree.
We all (4 of us) jammed into the cab, including all Cynthia's equipment and luggage and trundled off toward Ruijin.
At least we thought we were... Instead we wound up on the expressway toward Hongqiao Airport, then on the A20 South.
I gave the driver the benefit of the doubt, but unfortunately, this guy didn't deserve it.
He was running up the fare on the meter... Since I didn't know the actual location of Ruijin Lu, I couldn't do much, but after the third U-turn and being in an area of the city I didn't recognize, the meter hit 50 RMB and the girls revolted and made him stop the car. We all got out and unloaded the luggage, and hailed a new cab. The driver protested, for all the good it did. We didn't understand him and he didn't understand us, but we all knew he'd been screwing us, and we weren't taking it. Cynthia tried to give him 20 RMB, but he didn't take it. Instead he took off...
The new cab took us to Ruijin... Where the first cabbie was waiting for us...
He was trying to get the security guards to get us to pay the full fare, telling them we had cheated him out of his money.
He finally got the idea when we started to ask the front desk clerk to call the police to get things sorted out... He made an obscene gesture at me and then departed. (I hate to tell him, I've gotten the bird from much better people; He didn't impress.)
We got Cynthia settled into her new digs then decided to go make more trouble.

Petty Theft.

(Keep in mind it was now about 4 in the morning...)

Neva had a car coming to take her to the airport at five AM... We all headed up Ruijin to Huaihai Lu and found her a taxi pretty quickly. We decided to try to get a street poster for Susan. The street posters that lined some of the major roads were mounted so that the bottoms were about 7' up, and the tops were at about 12 feet. The were only secured to the mounting poles with bent wire, so getting one off would be easy. So I thought...

The real trick lay in finding the right poster... There were tons of Federer, Safin, Agassi, and Roddick... Even several Corias and Davydenkos... But the Nadals were few and far between. We got the first one very close to the Xiangyang market on Huaihai Lu, and we walked nearly 2 kilometers down Huaihui and up Chengde Lu before we found another that I could reach... Susan and Cynthia stood lookout for the fuzz while I got the bottom loose. I couldn't quite reach the top hanger, so I wound up climbing a sycamore tree to reach the top of the mounting brackets. I finally got the poster loose and returned to Earth... Nothing like climbing trees at 4:30 in the morning, attempting to pilfer signage while trying to avoid going to jail. Reminded me of the Goodwill Games in Brisbane...
What was the old saying?..."There is a fine line between 'Teamwork' and 'Accessory'."
We had two posters and were about to give up and retire on our laurels when I saw one more Rafael hanging nearby... I stood atop the pedestrian fence and in 45 seconds we had a third trophy... Definitely time to retire while still unfettered by handcuffs or cell bars.
We flagged down a taxi and ran Cynthia back home then we headed for the Mayfair... It was about 5:30 in the morning.
I toyed briefly with going down to see Polly off, but the matress was whispering to me...
I slept until 11.

Xiangyang

I had some shopping to do.
I had a list of stuff I needed to pick up in the gift market... Interestingly, I got there about 12:30 or so and was not assailed by the hard-sell pitchmen... It was all very low-key this afternoon...
A man would walk up and whisper "rolex? DVD?" while furtivley glancing around. I soon found out why... There were roving police patrols moving through the market looking for counterfeit goods and the DVD pirates.
I finally found the guys I was looking for and they had some of when I needed... We bargained long and hard. We both were mostly happy with the deals, so in the end it was a wash. He didn't get his full price, but I had to settle for what he had in stock.
I also had to "go to the warehouse" offsite from Xiangyang twice to get things... Once was a success, after a 10 minute walk to a tenament-looking building and up a set of doubious-looking stairs we were in a apartment-turned-warehouse... It was full of... uh...Products. Suffice to say, there was a reasonable selection of items and I was able to fill my shopping list.
(Getting it home would be a more interesting task... I only have so much room in my bags... And I'm already 2 bags over the max, and 35 kg over the weight limit. Woe is me.)
Anyway... The second warehouse trip was a little more scary... The man took me out the back of the market and down an alley, then into the ground floor of an apartment building... The ground floor is a communal kitchen for the entire building. and let me tell you, it was a frightening experience.
We then went back outside, then in another door and up a flight of wooden stairs that was so rickety and narrow, it made the previous ones look like the Spanish Steps in Rome. Two floors up we were in this guys apartment... One room, a bed and a closet. That was it. It made the worst guest house I was in back in Crete look like a palace. Hell- the place in the Tortugas is bigger than this 8x8 coffin.
Well... He looked for his stash of goodies and lo & behold it was gone. He freaked out- Jumped on his cell phone and started screaming...
Seems like his brother came over and took the stash of items and was back in the back of the market.
I was never happier in my life than when we emerged from that building...
We headed back to Xiangyang...
If you've ever visited the market that I'm talking about, I'll bet you didn't know it is also a farmers market and a buchery, too... There is a complete fresh produce market in the back, along with a meat market where you can get anything that walks on 4 legs, and maybe some things that walk on two...
But in the very far back of all this hullabaloo, there are some 5x5 storage rooms that I was dragged to, and as we walked through this warren, I saw some of the roll-up steel doors open a foot or so, and many people standing inside them...
Appearently it was still business as usual, but only it's done behind closed doors...
Well... I got the rest of what I was looking for... and I was fairly happy with what I got. We'll see when I get home what the quality is...

Hunan Cuisine...or "Ribbed... for your Pleasure"

I wanted to get one last good meal in Shanghai, so I persuaded Jocelyn and Amy and her husband Mike to pick a place for dinner- they settled on a Hunan restaurant... Some very spicy fare.
We had a sizzling pot of frog with tofu noodles, A spicy beef with thai chilis, garlic pork belly, spring onions with sliced pork, a tofu dish that was smooth and firm almost the consistency of flan, broiled fish head with red peppers, a firey-hot fried rice dish, and the best dish- ribs...
I have to say this about going to dinner with Jocelyn, I wind up eating some interesting things that I never would have considered ordering... Tonite was just example.


The frog was interesting... a subtle flavor, and spicy, but not bad.


The fish head was OK, lots of bones, and the thing was slathered with red peppers, but again- pretty tasty.

The pork and beef were good, and the rice was good, but painfully hot. If you mixed in a little of the tofu it was quite good and brought the heat down considerably.

But the ribs- Oh. My. God. They were great... Spicy with a coating of garlic and cumin and other spices.

Heaven on a curved bone. For me, I could have ordered 4 or 5 plates of the ribs and died a happy man...
Oh well... Dessert was great too... Fried Bananas... Tempura-like batter fried, then coated with a sugar glaze that is hardened at the table with a quick dunk in cold water. The resulting crunchy coating and very sweet banana filling was awesome.
Oh yeah- Dinner for 4- including 3 or 4 big bottles of beer- about $40.


On the road again...

My travel home was a painful affair- 1:00PM flight form Hongqiao to Beijing, a 5:00pm Flight to Newark, and 7:30 flight to Jacksonville... The worst part was been the baggage- I have 5 cases of crap- tools, equipment, laptops, etc...in addition to the body bag I use for my luggage...
It was only fitting that Zhou was my driver the last morning in Shanghai... Once again, we were off on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, arriving at Hongqiao in record time. I counted the horn honks- 73 in 9km. That has to be some kind of record.
We said our goodbyes and Zhou hit the road... I could hear him honking as he drove out of sight.

I grabbed a cart and went inside Terminal B with my Mountain o' Bags- Looking for the ATA/Customs desk to get my Carnet stamped, I asked the information desk where they were. She picked up a phone a made a quick call.
"Go other terminal- Desk 121."
So... I push the cart across the airport to Terminal A.
Inside I hunted up Desk 121. "Hongqiao - Pudong Transportation."
Hmmmm. Doesn't look like a customs office, but I've been fooled before.
The girl at the desk motioned me over.
"You want ATA?"
"Uh... Yeah." I told her, getting my carnet out.
"Ok, ok. We take you to Pudong."
What?! To Pudong?... A good hour away. One way. Screw that...
"Uh... No customs office here?"
"No- only in Pudong."
Holy crap. I pushed my crap back to Terminal B and went to the China Eastern desk.
"Um... I need to check in...But only for the Shanghai to Beijing portion of the ticket."
I got a good 2 second DMS as she looked at my ticket.
"Uh...Ok...yes. To Beijing. You claim bags there?"
"Yes, then I will recheck. I need to go to customs."

When I said that she figured it all out.
She got me checked in, another 500RMB fee for my extra/overweight bags... and I was off to Beijing.
I got my bags and hit customs where the remembered me from the China Open back in September. It was old home week, and the stamped me through in record time...
I rechecked at Continental, 2100RMB more for my bags, got my bulkhead/aisle seat and walked to the gate.
The only moment of apprehension was going through security in Beijing- As he checked my passport and ticket, the guard looked at my passport and then at the computer screen and made a phone call, watching me carefully...
I remembered the problems I had leaving Beijing last time, where they found my Gerber multitool in my bag...
I prepared for the worst...
He eventually waved me through, but said something to the X-ray operator.... I held my breath as they scanned my bag, but they didn't stop me as I picked up my stuff to go...
I got to the gate as they started boarding the flight...
If I had had any problems or issues at customs, I would probably would have missed the flight... I got settled in, had an empty seat next to me- avoided the meals on the plane and took my Ambien at about the 4th hour. I didn't really sleep, but I wasn't on-edge the whole flight, so it was a moral victory.
I got my bags in Newark, breezed through customs and got the carnet stamped and re-checked again, and hit my flight to Jax, stopping only once to have a double Bacardi and Coke at one of the airport lounges.
The flight back to Jax was the worst part- that damned little Embraer ERJ-145...a piece of crap jet made in South America. I almost have to crawl on my hands and knees to get to my seat... I hate that plane.

I got home and slept for two days...

To quote Jerry Garcia and the 'Dead, "What a long, strange trip it's been."

TBG out-

Coming Attractions

Watch this space, boys and girls, for the following items...

Wonder at the behind-the-scenes peek at the epic ending of the Tennis Masters Cup Tournament... The five-set slugfest between Roger "FedEx" Federer and David "Don't cry for me Argentina" Nalbandian.

Read the sordid details from the impromptu wrap party at the Junction Bar in the Mayfair Hotel, where we answer the age-old question: Who did the Mayfair's resident hooker sink her talons into on the final night?

Revel in the amazing tale of the Red Taxi and the Angry Driver, the 4AM trip to Ruijin Guesthouse to help Cynthia Lum move to her new digs.

Be moved by the unfortunate saga "The Quest For Rafa", a danger-filled sojourn along Huaihua Road into the heart of Changde Lu to find a Rafael Nadal street poster.

Read with amazement of the Yours Truly's last trip to Xiangyang Market to do battle with the vendors within. Read the blow-by-blow account of haggling over every single RMB of a souvenier t-shirt.

And of course, no event wrap-up post is complete without some amount of complaining of the actual travel back to Florida. 26 hours of hell in a 12 ounce can.

Saty tuned, genties and ladlemen - these stories and more, coming up soon...

TBG out-

No, it hasn't come down yet...

...and I'm hoping it won't.

Let's see, what else is going on...

Well. We're all pretty exhausted...
It's all we can do to stay awake.
(And for some of us, well, let's just say it's not worth the effort to stay up.)


Polly and the guys from SMG had a hard night, apparently. Enough said.


What else?

I've been looking at the court so long I'm beginning to see subliminal messages...

For instance...


If you look closly at this image, you will see a subliminal association I'm starting to get when I see a Heineken beer..


Boy. Talk about ruining a good thing...

TBG out-

The Great (Video) Wall of China

It's not supposed to look like this...

The seams between the cubes should flush and uniform.



The way the crowd is leaning on this thing, it is going to go bad...



This is SO not right.




I think I've made my point with this...
I'll let you know when the wall comes a' tumblin' down.


In other news....

I said I'd tell you about the Hop Pot joint...

Polly said she wanted to experience the Hot Pot method of dining, so I contacted Jocelyn, a local here in Shanghai who knows, well... Everything.
She set us up for dinner at the Hot Pot King down on Huaihai Zhonglu...
Now, I've had Hot Pot before, but it was really a disaster. It was last year with a bunch of guys from the NBA.
We had gone to this place for lunch and made a shambles of the experience. We threw everything in at one time, including the live shrimp (mistake) and basically made big stew of the whole thing. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't what it was supposed to be.

This time we let Jocelyn lead...
She ordered almost everything on the menu... Lamb, beef, fish, squid, 4 kinds of mushrooms, baby bok choy, some kind of potato, scallops, bamboo shoots, all manner of Good Eats...
The pot had two sections: one side was a regular seafood stock with scallops and tiny shrimp; the other side was a spicy stock with scallops and shrimp and a decent amount of chili oil and peppers...
A bunch of stuff she threw right in... The potato things, some of the bok choy, and lots of mushrooms. When the stock was at a rolling boil she showed us how to lower pieces of the meat into the pot with ladles and wait until it was cooked, then we would fish it out along with the vegetables...
It was very good...
That's an understatement...
It was really, really good... Amazingly good, as a matter of fact.


They shamed me into eating the Century Egg...

A nasty-looking little nugget that wasn't too bad, actually.


I expected something much more noisome.
(I wouldn't order it on my own, you understand, but to save face I did eat one.)

Just as a point of reference, Polly ate one too...

Before I had mine.

(She has more guts than I do...)

TBG Out-

Risk Management

This is something scaring me to death.
You know I hate crowds to begin with. And it not like I have to interact with them here but the crowds that are gathering for autographs after the games are going to get hurt, or they are going to hurt someone. Like a player, probably.

What is happening:
The crowd gathers at courtside as the players are arriving or leaving...
They (the crowd) are pushing to get their item to be signed in front of the player, and there is a huge press from the rear of the pack.
Unfortunately they are pushing against the video cubes...
Which are not anchored to the ground.
If these things go down there are several different events that will occur:
1. All of them are going down, a la the domino effect. So 140 ex-flipping-spensive cubes will crash face-down to the floor.
2. They will fall on the player signing autographs. A severe amount of trauma will occur. I'm thinking broken legs or feet.
3. People will be crushed as the crowd falls forward. Didn't we learn anything from the riots at soccer stadia?
4. There is a good chance of somebody (or perhaps lots of somebodies) getting electrocuted, due to the nature of the power connections on the video cubes.

This should give you a good idea of the situation here...


You can see the videowall here getting knocked out of alignment...

Oh, the potential for tragedy abounds here in QiZhong!


TBG (hiding) Out-

When it rains, it pours...

Raining & pouring.

So... The Tennis Masters Cup in Shanghai just keeps getting hammered.
First, it was difficult to get a full card of participants to play here.
Hewitt, Roddick and Safin all begged off with injuries or other reasons.
Now, Nadal has withdrawn before playing even one match, and Agassi has bailed after losing his first.

At least Nadal did it with some class, talked to the Tournament Director and the ATP before making an announcement. In addition, he is sticking around and doing some schmoozing with sponsors and doing stints signing autographs for the fans. He's making a few points in my book, even if he does wear capris. Agassi made his announcement in his post game press conference- catching the ATP and the Tournament flat-footed... Not a good thing. In addition, he was on the first flight out of Shanghai this morning. No bedtime story, no kiss goodbye. Tacky tacky.

The TD and the rest of the organizers are ready to slit their wrists. The have a bunch of big-money sponsors who have underwritten this event and are pissed that the are watching Puerta Vs. Gaudio not Roddick vs. Safin. Not to mention the Government of the PRC, who are pissed- it is a respect thing...
The are questioning if there is something wrong with the tournament. Are the organizers doing something wrong? And you don't want the Chinese Govrnment asking hard questions like that...

A great quote from the OC -

"We feel like we bought a Mercedes-Benz only to find 60 percent of the auto parts are no longer the original ones we paid for," Wang Liqun, deputy director of the organising committee, said.

Oh well...

For us, things are going well...
Have a look at the gallery- there are a couple good pics of the ribbon boards out there...

Gallery

Let's see - what else...

Since we head to the site at about 9 AM or so, and don't get back until 11:00pm, I've been eating at the Sino-Colonel's Dumpling house... The soup dumplings are awesome... And Cheap.
After several days of eating, or should I say overeating, at the hotel buffet for breakfast and dinner, an order or two of dumplings are perfect.
These are soup dumplings, and at buck for 6 of them, it is a deal! The buffet was between 16 and 20 dollars, depending on what time you go to the restaurant.

Onward-

By the way- the pics on the Gallery from the restaurant were taken at a Hot Pot restaurant... Our local contact Jocelyn Huang arranged a sumptuous repast... Lots more on that later...

Film at 11...

TBG Out-

Tennis Masters Cup - Shanghai 2005

I have been remiss...

It’s been a while since my last update. Not because of a lack of worthwhile things going on, but because I had to make choices, like either blogging, or sleeping, working or sitting on buses.
Alas, I chose the activities that actually are necessary to my existence, rather than electives like trying to squeeze humor and meaning out of my sojourn in China.

Let’s see...

Well… I got here pretty much intact... I left the house for the airport at 6:45 am EST - Jax to Newark to Beijing to Shanghai. No upgrades, window bulkhead seat on the Newark-Beijing segment.
The only hangup was my connection in Beijing. I had to claim my bags and clear customs in Beijing and then go to the domestic part of the main terminal.
When they finally stamped my carnet I wheeled my 5 (huge) bags to China Eastern’s ticket desk and got checked in it took nearly an hour and a half.
I arrived in Shanghai at 9:00pm on Sunday night... Another hour to get to the Mayfair Hotel…
So… 27 hours of airports, airplanes or automobiles...

From the “Things that make you go Hmmmm...” Department:
I got a note from Polly that they overfueled her flight and she and several other passengers were bumped from the flight.
Nice. Interesting fact though… her checked bags and equipment made the plane and the connection and were in Shanghai awaiting her arrival.


I hit the arena in Qi Zhong the first thing on Monday morning. It was pretty cool. The floor was finished and looked great, but there was no one inside the place. I think there were five people in the entire building... They were still working on the outside- the VIP & hospitality tents, catering stuff, etc. I was expecting to see the video cubes being installed when I arrived, but it was not to be...
I know I asked 4 or 5 times in July and in October during our testing when they would start installing the cubes and was assured they would be on-site on Monday the 7th.
Oh well… I did some housekeeping- checking out where our equipment would be going, marking the floor for the cube locations, other little make-work details, then headed back to the Mayfair.

The only drama for the first few days was the effort at getting to and from the arena every day.
Qi Zhong is hell-and-gone from everywhere... It is an hour each way to and from the arena.
To make it even more of a challenge, taxis never voluntarily go out there to randomly cruise for fares, so you have to call a cab company and hope they will have a car in the area to come pick you up, or take a chance you might see one that has just finished dropping off someone in the near vicinity...
I got lucky a couple times, and not so lucky a couple times too...
I had a nice long wait in a drizzling rain one evening.

Eventually everything came together... Video Cubes are all installed, tested, software running,
Graphics...uh... graphing.
Things are looking pretty good here...

At the Mayfair Hotel, the hookers are doing a bang-up business. Heh...
In addition to the TV Tech Staff, the Operations Staff, there is also most of the Media staying there, so there has been no shortage of clients for the girls...
I think it’s pretty funny to see the bar girls walking with one of the press guys or one of the TV crew... Everyone who has been there more than a week, (especially the hotel staff) knows who the hookers are and get a laugh to see them walking through the lobby with their victims.

Oh well.

There is a video wall out there that needs some graphics...

More Fun on the Menu coming up...
Stay tuned.

TBG Out-

Back in Shanghai

Just a quick (but hugely relevant) post before I run out the door...

.....

Alice tried another question.
"What sort of people live about here?"

"In THAT direction," the Cat said, waving its right paw round,
"lives a Hatter. And in THAT direction," waving the other paw,
"lives a March Hare. Visit either you like, they're both mad."

"But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.

"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat,
"we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."

"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.

"You must be," said the Cat,
"or you wouldn't have come here."


TBG Out-

Friends in the North / Family down South

Kid Pics today on Listen To Uncle Jay...

For all you Goodwill Games refugees, and you know who you are...

I don't know if you have been keeping up with your co-conspiritors, but I recently was granted access to a treasure trove of pictures from our Man from Boston, Jay Wessel and his wife Marla, and the new addition to his family, Sara Danielle...

Only a couple issues about this picture...



First, Snow in October?
Geez, Jay, move someplace civilized.

Second, What are you doing to that child's ears?
Get them UNDER the hat, not folded over by it...

Seriously, Jay... She's a cutie... Good work.

Then...

Here is a little girl named Jolie- LJ's Daughter.
She's going Trick-or-Treating as Tinkerbell this year...


Does she have some blue eyes? Wow.

This one is going to be trouble.

Now, on the local front...

This is a scary picture...


The Perfect Child.

She's 12. Is that scary or what?

This year's Halloween costume- She's going as Johnny Depp... Well... As Captain Jack Sparrow from "Pirates of the Caribbean." This should be interesting.
Film at 11.

TBG out-

Fear and Loathing on the way to Las Vegas

Hypocrisy at the airport -or-
A visit to the Department of Pointless & Degrading Activities

Ok...

Y'all know I just looove airports, especially at 5 in the morning. At that time, my sense of hypocrisy is especially attuned.

To wit: Special Processing Procedures for Homeland Security.

Now, I'm all for air safety. I'm 100% for anything that keeps terrorism at bay. But the crap that the DHS and the TSA are subjecting us to is beyond belief.

Everyone knows that I just abhor Mag & Bag...but in the interest of air safety I'll endure it, plan my attire around it, and put up with power trips that some of the TSA guards are on.
(Not all of them are assholes, just the majority. Some are genuinely nice people trying to do a good job, but a vast majority are jerks that have succumbed to the "prison guard" us versus them mentality. They enjoy the power they wield over people who are just trying to make it to the gate on time.)
The TSA boneheads enjoy subjecting you to indignities such as making you take off your Flip Flops to walk barefoot through security checkpoint JUST BECAUSE THEY CAN! FOR NO REAL REASON AT ALL... I mean, Yeah, Skeeter- I'm sure I can conceal 6 or 7 pounds of C-4 explosive in my half-inch thick sandals. But- Mr. TSA says that if I don't take off my sandals, I have to undergo secondary screening...
(Which, I might add, is completely against the guidelines that you'll find here.)
Speaking of secondary screening...
You DO know that if you buy a ticket less than 24 hours out from a flight, you automatically get tagged for "extra security processing". They do this because it is supposed that the terrorists will buy their tickets at the last second. Everyone knows this, right? Including the terrorists. So obviously, they will buy their tickets with 2-week advance too. (They are TERRORISTS, not IDIOTS.)
So, the only people who get the special screening are people like me who have to fly somewhere on short notice.
Like today.
I have a game to do in Las Vegas... A little pre-season shindig for the NBA- Kings/Lakers at the Thomas & Mack Center.
And since it is a last-minute thing, I get the special SSS tag on my boarding pass...
Oh goody. Having gone through this many times, I know the drill...
Take off the shoes, cheerfully submit to the wanding, the pat down and the hand-inspection of armpits & crotch, and removal of the belt for special inspection of the buckle. Please place your hands on the yellow spots, bend over, turn your head and cough.

Thank you...
Ok... please take all the items out of your carry-on bag... Why do you have this computer? Do you need to carry this on? Why is this power supply in the bag? Do you need it on the plane? What about this bottle of water? Is it really water? Please open it up so we can test it for gunpowder, thermite, gasoline and antioxidants...
HOLD THE PHONE, MAX! I think we got one here... look down there in the bottom of his bag! Jumped up Jeezus on a Pogo stick! A match! There is a loose match in his bag- hidden waaay down at the bottom under his laptop... Oh boy... I'll bet the soles of his sandals are a new high-grade explosive developed by the Al Qida Laboratories in the mountains of Trashcanistan...
OK MR Young... OR shall I call you Abdul?
It is all I can do to keep from telling him that my Islamic name is "M'Balz Es Hari"...
So... an extra 20 minutes of Q&A as to why a match might have been lurking in my bag. Phone calls are made, computer queries are done. Gas Chromatograph scans of all the items in my carry-on are performed.
The end result... The match is confiscated. Forms are filled out. Database entries are made. The skies over America are once again safe for the traveling public, thanks to the vigilance of the Department of Homeland Security...

Ok... Now.. Here's my question...
If this is the kind of inspection that is needed to be absolutely sure that no weapons, explosives, etc are brought on the airplane, than why are we only doing certain people? Why not everyone? Is the regular inspection not good enough to catch weapons, etc? And if the regular inspection is good enough, why do we need the special inspection?

I mean, it should be either one or the other, but not both.

Now... About weapons...
Anyone with a modicum of training doesn't need a gun, knife or box cutter to take over a plane. And you don't need a block of C-4 to knock one out of the sky. If you want to disarm me you better take away everything that I'm carrying... Pens and pencils are prime weapons. And don't think I couldn't wreak havoc on board a plane with my shoelaces or a power cord from my computer...
And you give me a real honest-to-Ghod metal knife with my meal on the flight? WTF is up with that? If I had that exact same knife that they GIVE you on the plane when I go through the checkpoint, I would wind up face-down on an examining table with a humorless TSA guy shining a flashlight up my ass...
And I have news for you- that little bottle of vodka or rum is a tiny Molotov cocktail... And they give me a glass for my beverage? Know how many seconds it take to make a makeshift knife out of broken glass? Please. There are TENS of THOUSANDS of us out there that made a career of improvised weaponry...

Be serious... The TSA and the DHS are all about safety... And if you believe that I have some land in south Florida I want to sell you... I have a news flash for you: the US Army, and the USMC are much better at making people dangerous than the DHS is at making the skies safe.

But today, all flights are safer than they were before 9/11... 9/11 changed the rules. It is no longer a case of taking hostages... so it is no longer a case of obeying the terrorists and everything will be ok when the demands are met. Now, if a plane DOES get taken over, we all know it will be used as a giant guided missile, so the obvious reaction will be a human wave to overpower the terrorist(s), and if a flight attendant or another passenger gets hurt or killed to save 100 or 1000 lives, that is something we can all live with...

Look- TSA- your precautions are a joke...
Don't hand me a turd and tell me it's a candy bar... Don't subject me to this crap at the airport, then expect me to believe that everything is hunky dory because the TSA is on the job, inspecting sandals and making sure mom doesn't have nailclippers, when I can walk through with 12" metal knitting needles...
Please. I was born at night, but not LAST night.


TBG Out-

Homeward Bound

Early to bed, early to rise.

I don't remember the rest of Old Richard's adage, but it is accurate.
Sleeping by 9:30, and I was up at 3:30am. Nice...
I'm out of Ambien, which bodes ill for the flight home...
I think I have one Valium left. We'll have to see what the flight is like.


Later:
Well... My flight is ok... No problem with the changed tickets, thank Ghod.
Flight MU583 was delayed by one hour, which was good since it took me an hour to clear ATA Customs paperwork... We were herded on the plane and we were off!
Next Stop- Sunny California.

Much more later:

An hour late for take off put us in to LA an hour and a half late.. Thank Ghod I didn't have a short layover...
It took a good 45 minutes to get my Carnet staped and acknowedged. Then I was off to Terminal 5 and to re-check in with Delta for my flight to Cincy (4.5 hrs) and then to Jax (2 hours).

My schedule-
Home by 1:30 AM. 2:00 am tops.
To Centurion Ct by 10:30am minimum.
Email, Debrief, Turin meeting...
Back home to sleep some more...

--------------

I've been taking Airborne...
We'll see if I come down with Asian Bird Flu or some other creeping crud.
I'll keep you posted.

TBG Out-

Sunday morning in QiZhong

Sunday I was supposed to be on a airplane home, but instead....

More testing! Yay!!!

I got picked up by another driver- Not Mighty Zhou, but another more sedate pilot, and we headed out to the stadium.
I had a 1:00 appointment to do the test- Well... We had a 1:00 appointment to show up. I knew it would take a little time to setup and get things runnning.
The guys from SMG showed up around 2:00 and we were ready to test about 3:20. A very quick setup, actually.


I put some graphics up, and we got the cubes configured to show the logos correctly. Worked flawlessly. (Did you expect any thing else?)


The only other question we had was how the logos would look from across the arena and up in the seats.


I think it looked pretty good...

The only other issue was the event floor- they were building up the floor from the concrete to a chipboard playing surface... It will be about 4 inches thick, so we needed to see how far back we needed to put the video cubes...
Looks like about a meter and a half should be good...
So the court surface will be 24M wide, and then another meter and a half to the videocubes.

They were also working on placement for our work location, so we will be in the NW vomitory... Another thing off our checklist...

Dinner? Glad you asked.
We (Charles, Donald & I) hit Tony Roma's. Cheeseburgers all around.
Since I hadn't seen red meat in a week, it was a nice departure from soup dumplings and that ilk.
Nothing like a big slice o' Mad Cow and french fries. Mmmmm....

I was back to the hotel and dead asleep by 9:30.


TBG Out-

Studio 188 - The Thirsty Monk

Studio 188

The Exec Director of the Tennis Masters Cup, Michael Luevano has a band, Studio 188.
They are a group of ex-pats that live in Shanghai and they play some great old rock and roll...
As luck would have it, they were playing on Saturday night in a bar outside Shanghai called The Thirsty Monk...

They had chartered a bus to bring people out to the bar- a sure way to make sure of a full house for the band to play to.
And they had an awsome playlist- CCR, Eagles, ZZ Top, the Doors...
The joint was jumping!

A good time was had by all... If you have the opportunity to see Studio 188- make the time. Tell 'em Uncle Jay sent you...
After the concert I was hanging out with Big Dan Brady- a ten-year ex-pat in Shanghai. We hit a couple clubs, including an old church that until recently was a nightclub but is currently the location of a rather transient and very clandestine poker game. I met a few other characters, then we split out and got a taste of the local nightlife on Maoming Rd. For the western crowd (not Country and Western, butthead...) try Plan B, at the foot of Maoming Lu. Again, tell 'em Uncle Jay sent you.

TBG Out (and about)-

Shangtober

So...
Once again, I'm in China.
(It wouldn't be so bad, but I'll be back here in 2 weeks. Again.
Good thing I like baozi. The big problem is getting Western booze.
More on that later.

I have to say, Shanghai is not Beijing.
(Duh.)
People are nicer, city is cleaner, traffic is (for the most part) better...
This event is going to be great.
(Provided , of course, we are able to get all the equipment and services we need... Heh.)

Of course, getting here was a major hassle...

(Long painful narrative concerning small seats, lack of legroom, insane airport services, bureaucratic hassles with my equipment, and overall whining omitted for brevity.)

Just two items that should say it all...

1. Center seat.

2. 26 hours traveling.

And just for laughs- this is Delta's idea of legroom.


One cool thing...
And I've seen this on a JAL flight too...
The plane cam.

A live video feed, in this case from a tiny camera at the top of the tail of the plane.
They keep it on all through loading and taxiing the plane. Right up until the time the plane actually starts to go down the runway, then they shut it off. I guess they don't want you to see if there is a chance of hitting another plane or going off the end of the runway...
The one I saw last year on JAL was mounted in the nose of the plane. I liked this one better...
It was cool to see how wide the pilot had to turn the plane for the wingtips to clear the sides of the taxiway.


Shanghai-

Once again, I'm at the Mayfair...
I'm starting to enjoy this hotel... Nice people- especially the guys working the front entrance. They are a nice bunch of kids. They keep calling me "Harley"... I was in my sunglasses and denim jacket when I arrived. The biker persona.
Apparently they spread the word after I arrived because they all call me that now.

The driver for Xinxin Sports is the same one (Zhou - Joe to you and me) I had back in July- the embodiment of the "Drive Offensively" school of highway hooliganism. He has a foot on the gas, a hand on the horn and usually employs them both liberally. Riding anywhere with Joe is an adventure. And since the arena is about 15 miles out of town, the ride to the arena is long and exciting.

The arena at QiZhon is beautiful... I had only seen it in pictures, but it is something else to see it in person.
When we arrived here on Thursday, they opened the roof about 5 minutes after we got in the building.



It was very impressive... fast and quiet... About 30 minutes later they closed it back up again.
No muss, no fuss...


We tested the interfaces to the video walls today- SDI outputs worked flawlessly.
We ran a direct input to the Barco controller. I'm not sure how it will be done
during the event... The floor manager may be using a switcher/keyer in Analog, but we can feed him directly if need be.
And now the good news...
SMG can't have the video cubes here for testing until Sunday at 1:00 pm.
Another 3 hours for assembly and power... I'll get to test stuff around 4:00pm.
(Of corse this means I have to reschedule my flight. Hopefully there will be no issues with flying on Monday rather than Sunday. I need to call Delta too.. Geez.

Heading back to the hotel to do some more e-mail, post this to the blog, and then try to actualy stay up past 8:00pm tonight.

I'll let you know what happens...

Film at 11...

TBG Out-

A letter to Elvis from his hound dog.

Dear Elvis,

You dick.

You've put me in a no-win situation and I'm more than a little bit upset about it. You treat me like crap, you insult me, but yet I am, unavoidably, a hound dog and thus have no choice but to love you with blind and eternal devotion. And while that is my physiological imperative, it's not my choice. I give you loyalty and affection, I prostrate myself before you, but, as I understand the whole man-dog dynamic, you're supposed to love me too. I'm supposed to be your best friend. But instead, you publicly announce that I'm no friend of yours. You sing it at the top of your lungs. While shaking your ass. This relationship is broken, Elvis, and it's up to you to fix it.

I admit it: I do cry all the time. I think a doctor would call it severe clinical depression, if you ever took me to a doctor, like a responsible owner would. I wake up in the morning and there's this massive cloud of despair hanging over me. I eat some dog food, lap up water, lick myself a bit, and it's still there. It never leaves me, Elvis. Wouldn't you cry all the time? But why am I even telling you this? You've probably already crumpled this note into a ball to play crumpled-up-paper basketball with Sonny and Red. They're letting you win, by the way.

If you could get me on some sort of prescription, I bet I would feel a lot better. Heck, even an exercise program. Hey, you know what? Maybe if you were just nice to me once in a while. How about that? Told me I was a good dog, scratched behind my ears, something. Anything. Show me just the smallest fraction of warmth that you give to your fans and Lisa Marie and Angie Dickinson.

If any of that were to happen then maybe I could fulfill what appears to be the pivotal prerequisite for your friendship, Elvis, namely, the catching of a rabbit. Tell me, is that a Tupelo thing? Judging others by their ability to successfully hunt and obtain wild rodents? Are you transferring some sort of unresolved parental-approval issue to me, your dog? It seems pretty screwed up to me, but whatever. But please know this: there's nothing I would love more than to chase down a rabbit, taste the fur in my mouth, see the little feet kick, and then snap its neck with one swift shake. But I can't. I can't catch a rabbit while dark thoughts echo to my very core. I can't catch a rabbit when I'm crying all the time. It's a cycle.

What I'm saying is that you have the power (some would even say the responsibility) to help me. Get me the attention I need, either from a doctor or yourself. Help me catch a rabbit, King, and help me give you the companionship you need. Because even though I think you're an irresponsible, petty, judgmental, emotional tyrant, you will always be my friend.

Sincerely,
Your Hound Dog



----------------------------------------
John Moe via McSweeney's

Tennis Masters Cup - Shanghai 2005

So... Heading to Shanghai on Monday at 6:30AM.
(Jax-Atlanta-LA-Shanghai)

The stadium looks really impressive...



There are some pics here...
Qizhong Stadium
and here...
Player Pics

----
In other news, Hunter's team won the soccer game today, 2-1.
Whoot!

TBG Out-

Atlanta. I hate Atlanta... Driving & Cops on I-95.

So... Friday.

Wait a sec. Let's go back and see the whys and wherefores...

One of our salesguys has a piece of equipment to be delivered to a National Sports Team. He asks if I'm "Doing Anything" at the end of this week.
Of course not- I have no life, right?

Could you deliver a system to Toronto in Atlanta? he asks.
Huh? Oh. I get it. Toronto is playing in Atlanta.
Sure- No wucking furries.

So... As days go by the task changes...
Deliver a system;
No, hardware/software isn't ready- just go collect data;
Wait- Yes, it's ready- take the machine- go.

So- the system gets the official "Susan Weber Stamp of Approval and Readiness" and I'm off to the races. Have a car rented and everything.
Did I mention they want it on Friday?
Friday is our annual fall All-Employee meeting, where the herd everyone into a meetingroom off-site and give a "state of the union" address...
I haven't made the October meeting in YEARS... Seems like I'm always somewhere else... Atlanta this year, China last year, Japan the year before...
So... I miss out on a free lunch and the company back-patting and general breast-beating. (Breaking my heart...)

So... I'm off to Atlanta. Driving.
(FYI- 2005 Toyota Camry will go 567 miles on a tank of gas.)

Now, the Smart Monkey is going to ask "So, Big Guy, why didn'y you fly..."
Because I hate Hartsfield Airport and the issues of Airport Math more than I hate driving to and in Atlanta. And the seat in the Toyota is 20 times more comfortable than a coach seat on a Delta flight. And I don't have a 350lb chinless, drooling, harelip giggling and farting in the seat next to me in the Camry. Well, at least, not unless I actually want one... But I don't want to bore you with my personal abberations.

I leave at 6:30a - a little behind schedule, but reasonable for the timetable.
I take I-95 to I-16 (Savannah) to I-75 (Macon). Others will argue I-10 to I-75, but I think it's a matter of personal preference.

So, outside Brunswick, I have the machine wound up to 78mph (128.8kph for you metric-heads out there... or 209,664 furlongs per fortnight for those of you who need a really obscure speed reference...)
And I notice a blue car pacing me, about 4 carlengths back.
After careful observation I detect a radarhead in the window and a low-profile light on the dash.
Nice. An unmarked GSP car is following me.
All of a sudden this trip has become more stressful.
Do I have something to hide? No...
Outstanding warrants? None that I know of...
So why worry? I'll give you two words: Rodney King.
I've had several experiences with the Highway Partol, and the worst ones were the sawed-off little shits with a Napoleon Complex. I spent a weekend in the Daytona Beach jail because the cop was a 5'5" pile of crap who actually said "I'm taking you to jail just because I can."
So... Unfortunately, guys (and some girls) with control issues, megalomania, and other mental aberrations often wind up in law enforcement...
This is not the rule- as some cops are fine upstanding people, but on the whole, you have to watch your ass...
Anyway... All of a sudden I am Joe Speed-Limit-Sign-Watcher.
I use my cruise control to stay exactly 8 mph over the limit... No sense in changing what I have been doing. Kind of an admission of guilt...
So... The &^%@#$ GSP follows me from Brunswick to Savannah... almost an hour.
I made up some time on I-16, and I got a nice lunch in Macon... (Hooters, go figure) and made it to the Phillips Arena right at 2:00pm.
I exchanged equipment, tested the new stuff and collected some data from the arena then I was back on the road...
Just in time for early rush hour in Atlanta.

Did I tell you I hate Atlanta?

The drive home was uneventful... No cops, no problems.
Dinner at Hooters (go figure) in Savannah, and back to the Humble Abode by 11:30.

Now, if only my tickets for Shanghai are at the office, the world will be spinning in greased grooves.

TBG out-

You have got to be kidding.

The next chapter in the Saga of 2005- Year of the Monkey...

On Sunday night (10/9) I got an email from our client in Shanghai.

"We have a new equipment vendor. Bring your stuff to test new equipment ASAP."

Oh crap.

So... For those of you that haven't been keeping track for the 4th Quarter of 2005...

September 4 to October 1 - Beijing
October 13 to 16 - Atlanta
October 17 to 22 - Shanghai
November 5 to 21 - Shanghai (Again)
December 8 to 22 - Torino Italy.

You miht also remember that every time I get off that %$@&* flight I get SARS or Asian Bird Flu or some Creeping Crud...
I figure I'm prone to virii and other beasties, so I'm starting to get paranoid. I'm figuring to catch something bad on one of these trips... I asked the doctor about it...
"Hey doc. I keep getting sick every time I go to China, and I'm concerned about how I'm getting infected.
Is it possible to get diseases, especially veneral diseases in public restrooms over there?"
"Of course" he says.
"How do I avoid it?" I asked.

"Quit screwing in the public restrooms."

Here endeth the lesson.

TBG Out-

Great Wall, Getting out, Getting home.

We made the trip to the Great Wall at Badaling.

I spoke to the concierge to ask about which Great wall trip to make. You can go to Mutianyu or to Simatai. Badaling is the closest to Beijing, and that is where most of the tours go.
There are a couple places at Badaling to access the wall, one of which has a cable car to take you to the top.
This is the place I was looking for, since Mom wouldn't appreciate it if I made her hike a mile or so, and climb several hundred steps to be able to enjoy the spectacle that is the Great Wall.

So. I ask Mr. Concierge- "Hey- I want to go to Badaling, the part where the cable car is. My mom- she can't walk far."
"Ah. Badaling. Yes. Cable car. Yes."
I should have remembered about the "Yes, yes, yes" thing.
So- We meet the tourguide in the lobby at 7:15 in the morning to begin the trip to The Great Wall and the Ming Tombs.
It was the same trip I took last time I was here.
This time I was prepared... In this case, I actually wanted to go to the Jade Joint and the Cloisonne Center. The Chinese medicine place I could have done without, but since our guide makes a commission, we told her we would play along.

Anyway- We hit Jade City first, seeing their display and carving demo, then hitting the gift shop.
After 20 or so minutes I dragged Mom kicking and screaming from the showroom. Beautiful stuff- but we can buy the same stuff at Panjiayuan for 1/10 of the price.
We galloped off to the Ming Tombs and got to look at the dead guy's stuff. I guess the "no pictures" guy wasn't around today because I snapped away at the different relics, got a few really nice shots of the funeral godies.

Then we were off the have our phlegm checked- the Doc at the Chinese Medicine Show checked our pulses, looked at the yellow in my eyes, measured my phlogistin levels. Recommended some Asian crap to improve my health which I promptly turned down.

Then we were off to The Great Wall. I asked to be sure we were going to the place with the cable car. The tour guide said OK, no problem.
(Phrase to watch for: "Yes, no problem." If you hear this, watch your ass.)

Now, I don't know about you, but when someone says "cable car" to me, I'm thinking funicular- something along the lines of the tram in Hong Kong, or the cable cars in San Francisco. Maybe even a gondola.
No, Not here.

The cable car is like something you'd find in a third-world circus as a pseudo-rollercoaster. They were small plastic rollercoaster cars on a chain roller. They looked like they were a cross between a 1970's vintage Big Wheel from Mattel and a really big skateboard. The idea was that you have to sit down on this little plastic car, the padded bar comes down over your shoulders and you are off up the side of the hill.
The thing is perfect for a 12 y/o Chinese kid, but let me tell you, this thing was a nightmare for a 77 year-old lady and a 6'5" dinosaur.

So- think of this: I'm trying to make this trip easy on Mom when it comes to dealing with the terrain, on getting around. Now they want us to jump on this little plastic car while it is still moving... Now, it was tough for me to jump on this thing and get settled, but Mom- damn, they nearly ran her over.
Not a good thing. But, we did get on and settled in and we made it to the top.

All the way up I was worried, since it was (to me) misrepresented- I was a bit worried that this was just a rollercoaster and when we hit the top, we'd plunge over the top and zip through the loops and spins and I'd have to scrape Mom off the pavement at the bottom... But- it turned out ok... but just barely.
We got up to the top- It was a bit misty, but it was still impressive.
The ride down was even more interesting...
They hook 6 or 7 of the cars together and a guy gets in the first car and installs a hand brake on that car... A number of unsuspecting fools get in the following cars and they relaese the brake and gravity takes over.
An overpowering smell of burned rubber tells me that the friction brake is just recycled tires, and I had visions of the brake handle snapping off and our ride becoming a rocket sled flying down the side of the hill.

All in all, the trip to the Great Wall was interesting, in the same manner that a 5 car pile-up is interesting. You slow down to look, then you say to yourself "Man, I'm glad that wasn't me..."

We hit all the touristy stuff- The Forbidden City, The Great Wall, The Ming Tombs...
We went shopping and loaded up with stuff for the folks back home, picking up all manner of goodies from Silk Street...
We had some wonderful meals from some local places- Soup dumplings, springrolls, fried rice, and all cheap cheap cheap. Lunch was usually around $10- total...

I won't bore you with the tales from the Forbidden City- just tell you that it decided to rain that day... Just my luck. So it made for a soggy time there... I would rather have that than the sweltering heat...
There are pics out in the Gallery- go look at them... It's a pretty cool place.

Anyway- getting back to the 'States was another story all together...

We had a Saturday departure scheduled... Unbeknownst to me, October 1 is the biggest national holiday in the PRC... Basically is the anniversary of the founding of the PRC... Everything is closed for the entire week, and everyone takes the opportunity to go on vacation. Travel. Getting the hell out of Dodge.
As I began to hear rumblings about this, I started to ask questions, mainly "What will it be like at the airport with all these people traveling?"

The general concensus was that it was going to be a nightmare.

Nice.

So, we decided to go to the airport a little early.

But first- we had to do some last minute shopping at Panjiayuan... Mom picked up a few more strands of beads, some more jade pieces... That kind of stuff.
We took our stuff back to the hotel and packed up.
We were on our way to the Airport at 11:30am for a 3:45pm flight.

As Vicki Kaplan once told me, "If you don't miss a few flights every year, you're spending too much time in airports."

For those of you that think that was too early to be there... It was fortunate we got there when we did.
Everyone with 2RMB to rub together was there, all trying to get out of town. The check-in lines were a mile long...

Once in and through the first tier of security, we got in line to check in...An hour later we had boarding passes, then we got to wait in the outbound passport check line- another half hour goes by.
Then came the real fun... Mag and Bag.

Now... Y'all know how much I enjoy Mag & Bag, especially after Athens... And I likke to think I have learned my lesson, unlike the Old Dog and the New Trick. I take all my Sharp Pointy Stuff and make sure it is in my checked bags. I make sure all tools and items that could possibly be used as nominal weapons are in the checked bags...

Except this time.

As I went through the metal detector, my bag was picked up by the man at the flouroscope...
He started emptying it out... Laptop, power supplies, cell phones, cords and cables, usb stuff, cable ties, pens & pencils, digital camera and hardware...
And a Gerber Multi Tool.

Oh Shit.

They found that jewel, and we were off to the races. Mom, who had passed through with flying colors, including her cane with the concealed sword, went and sat down in the waiting area as I was shuffled off for questioning.

I will spare you the details of the Inquisition, but I will tell you, they have a copy of Tomas Torquemada's Little Black Book... and they have all the chapters memorized!
After they were assured that it was an accident and I had no other weapons, I was released- sadder but wiser for the experience.

I rejoined Mom, and we went to the gate to sit (carefully!) and wait for our flight.

So.. (I know that you love to hear me bitch about flights...)
No bulkhead. No emergency row.
This is gonna suck.

When I sit in a regular coach-class seat, my knees hit the back of the seat in front of me. My legs are so long that I can't put my feet under the seat... My bones and joints just don't bend that way.

So... When Zhou Chinaman in front of me goes to lean his seat back, which he did about 30 seconds after he first sat down, it crushes the seatback down on my knees... and there is no where for them to go, so it becomes a battle of how hard ZC can push, vs how much pressure my knees can take before they fracture.
ZC doesn't understand why his seat doesn't fully recline, so he slams his back into the seat- pushing harder. I counter by holding it up with one arm...
He never looks around to see what is hindering the seat movement, he just keeps bouncing until he is frustrated and gives up. I'm nursing several edema on my legs...
To make a 13 hours story short, I hate that &^%#@* flight...especially in a coach seat.

So... One last fling... Mom's connecting flight to Orlando is 45 minutes from our arrival time in Newark.
We need to wait for all our bags, clear customs, recheck bags and get her to the gate. Fast.
By the Grace of God, a heavy duty baggage cart, a sleepy customs guard and a fast wheelchair, we got her to her gate as they were finishing loading the plane... A quick smooch on the cheek and she was off, and I had another 2 hours to wait for my plane.
I got back in (mostly) one piece...

And promptly came down with another cold.

This is getting to be a habit. I HAVE to start taking Airborne...

TBG Out-

Playing Tourist

Well...

Let's see what has been going on in Old Peking...

A timeline is in order here.
Mom arrived last Saturday... I arranged transportation from PEK to the hotel...
I still had 2 days of tournament play to deal with, plus breakdown and shipping of my equipment, and packing and checking out of LongTou and checking in over at the other hotel...

So... Saturday... For me it was business as usual at the event, and Mom getting settled at the hotel and recovering from the flight.
On Sunday it was finals day...
Play started at 4:00pm, so I went over to Mom's hotel and we went to Panjiayuan, the Dirt Market to look at the goodies... We had a great time looking at all the doodads and crap on sale- then headed back to the hotel about 1:00pm.
I headed for the event, and got there about 1:30...
I did alot of pre-planning and packing, dressing cables to make breakdown easier, etc.

I won't bore you with the trials and tribulations of the event... Let's just say it was somewhat of a disappointment for fans and event organizers alike.

(You, you clever Internet traveler, can search out the details of this event if you choose to type in the appropriate search string on a search engine... Altavisa, Metacrawler, you know. One of those things. If that is too much of a burden for you, drop me a line and I'll send you a link. No doubt you'll need me to come over and move your mouse around and click on the link too...tsk.)

I finally departed the Beijing Tennis Center about 12:00 - midnight, that is...
The Courtside Kids were just getting out of the volunteers party...they gave me a rousing send-off as I hailed a taxi, they were just too cool.

I moved in over at the Days Hotel and Suites... Sightseeing is now the priority.

In the lobby of the restaurant at the hotel there are tanks of sealife- shrimp, lobsters, fish, sea scallops, and uh.. turtles... And a tank of seals, 3 spotted seals... They are very cute. But since they are among the tanks and containers that are used to store the fish & critters that are served in the restaurant, I'm afraid we'll come in and find one of them missing and a big wedding feast going on...and discover they weren't just ornamentation.
They are very funny- every time the fish guy goes to a tank to get a fish to take to the kitchen, they line up at the side of the tank looking for a handout.

So- We've hit the Silk Market- always a winner. Picked up some goodies for friends and neighbors. A nice lunch at a restaurant down an alley across from the Silk Market... We were able to order from a picture menu and had a great meal of soup dumplings and wonton soup.

We took it easy the rest of the afternoon after a horiffic cab ride back to Huawei...

Dinner was another story...
I have been trying to get a real Peking Duck dinner while I was here, and we finally got there on Monday night.
We went to Qianmen Quanjude Roast Duck Restaurant. One of the premier roast duck restaurants in Beijing.
Qianmen (Front Gate) is the main drag that runs due south from Tian'anmen Square... It's 300 or 400m south of Qianmen Gate on the east side of the street.
We didn't have a reservation and the 20 or so people milling about the lobby of the restaurant didn't deter us- We took a number and waited. It was a relatively short wait- only about 5 minutes or so, then we were seated... I'm not sure if it was because it was natural turnover, or if it was because I was drooling and scratching at the glass window into the kitchen in the lobby. I prefer to think it was because they were afraid I would stage a frontal assault on the kitchen.

Anyway-

Peking Duck- If you don't know what is so special- let me give you the details:

First- the duck takes about 24 hours to prepare...
Marinated, specially roasted to keep the succulent juices inside, and the skin is red/brown and crispy.
The Chef carves the duck at your table and it is served up with a tableful of delicacies including pickled cucumbers, asparagus and mushrooms in oyster sauce, a sesame-encrusted duck goodie with shrimp wafers, and black tea.
The duck is sliced so it had a bit of the skin and some meat on each piece.

Next-
To enjoy- You take a little "pancake" - kind of like a small thin tortilla, dip a small piece of the meat/skin in the hoisin sauce, put in a couple slivers of shredded green onions, then wrap it all up like a little open-ended burrito.
Sink your teeth in and enjoy.

Oh. My. God.

A few years back the Perfect Child and I went to Hong Kong and had Peking Duck there... It was good- but this was amazing.

Let us just say that you have to try it to understand how good it is...

Mooncake, Bathrooms & Bodily Functions, Oh My...

Let’s see. What shall we talk about today?

A couple items:

Mooncake
Seems like Mid August to Mid September is Mooncake season.
Actually they are part of the Mid-Autumn Festival, but as I have been finding, when one “festival” ends, the next one begins. Gives folks here something to look forward to.
But- you gotta have a mooncake- especially on September 18th.
The mooncake is a traditional good luck/prosperity thing, of which there are many here in China. Mooncakes are good luck. A cricket in your soup is good luck. If you get shit upon by a sparrow it is good luck. Conversely, a lizard in your tea is bad luck, as is finding a turnip seed in your condom.
In short, damn near anything is good luck or bad luck. Take your chances.
But back to mooncakes.
Mooncakes are pretty loathsome critters.
They are a cake (duh) made of some questionable substances. There is no official list of mooncake ingredients. You could make them out of broken glass and fish hooks if you really wanted to. But- by and large they are made of bean curd flour with a filling that varies from one end of the spectrum to the other. You can get them with a sweet filling, (usually egg yolk and lotus seed cream), a savory filling (minced beef or other meat), a spicy filling (donkey meat with chili paste), or damn near anything you might find under the kitchen sink.
So- take a glob of what-have-you, wrap it in tofu-dough, bake it, carve an intricate design in the top and plop it in a box and give it to a friend or relative and laugh as they try to excuse themselves from digging right in.
The only exception is if you are the recipient of the Haagen Daas mooncake.
Nosh right into that bad boy, don’t pass go, and don’t collect 200RMB. Throw in a tree and a fat guy and it’s Christmas in a pretty box, man.
(Mooncakes are, in my estimation, the Asian equivalent of fruitcake. Lots of people make them, everyone gives them during the holiday, but only a fraction of the population actually eats them. )
Really- the amazing thing about mooncakes is the packaging …
They are extravagantly and intricately wrapped- decorative boxes, delicate wrapping and cushioning, detailed artwork on the packaging. The boxes are easily more expensive than the mooncake, and definitely batter tasting.

So. September 18th marks the end of the Mid Autumn Festival. Next on the calendar, September 19th to October 21st: Festival of Bunion Scraping. Everyone goes to the nail salon for a pedophile during this holiday. Heh.

Bathroom Stench
I know I haven’t gone off on a scatological tirade lately, but I recently found out why the bathrooms stink so badly here in Beijing and I just have to share.
(Did I tell you they stink? Lord-a-mercy, they’d knock a buzzard of a deadwagon.)
It seems like although they have had “civilization” here for around 7,000 years, they haven’t mastered the U-Bend vapor trap for toilets and sinks- thus, when the sewer system air pressure is greater than the pressure in the building, arena, hovel or restaurant that you are occupying, the gentle wind blowing back up though the toilet (or the hole that is an excuse for a toilet) carries the stench of 3.2 billion crapping Asians.
That, my friends, is a boatload of olfactory offensiveness.
At this point, I will walk 500 yards out of my way to avoid walking by the public toilets here in the arena.
Use them? Have you lost your mind?
I had a catheter put in so I wouldn’t have to use the urinals here.

Bodily functions
The bathroom stench doesn’t bother the average Zhou Chinaman here. And there doesn’t seem to be any bathroom taboos here either. You can be standing in the bathroom, using the urinal and the cleaning women will walk right in and start mopping around your feet, polishing the porcelain, wiping the sinks, no big deal.
Body functions don’t have any special significance to these people. Spitting, nose blowing, farting- all these are perfectly acceptable in mixed company.
I am reminded of a guy standing next to my table during the Nadal-Coria match last week who blew a 50db, 3 second, 2 octave fart and never batted an eye. And you know how tennis matches are, 5000 people- perfectly quiet; I think everyone in the stadium heard it. It nearly scared me to death. I thought the guy was going to take off and start flying around the arena like a deflating balloon.
No, bodily functions are commonplace here.
The only really offensive thing here is picking your teeth without covering your mouth with your other hand.
(A side note- when you eat at a restaurant you will find a little container of toothpicks on the table. If you get fast food, you will get an individually wrapped toothpick with your meal. The Chinese find that the toothpick is a suitable substitute for, and much superior to, the toothbrush. This is also why you will find that Zhou Chinaman’s breath will melt glass at 20 paces.)

I think that’s enough for right now…
More pics and other good stuff next time.

TBG Out-

Working for the weekend

It's midweek; we've already had one rain delay on Tuesday...
Other than that, things are smooth as a prom queen's thigh, but not quite so dangerous.
(I'm sure a comment like that will get me banned from this event, a la McCord at the Masters with his bikini-waxed greens comment.)

And now here we are on Thursday and we have another weather delay.
It has been raining all day- we actually had the players out on the court at 2:45, but it started coming down again, and they scurried inside.
Now we wait.
If they cancel play for the day, there is an opportunity for duck... More on that later.

So... We had heard there would be rain today.
In my infinite wisdom, I neglected to bring a raincoat, idiot that I am.
I slithered down to Xiu Shui this morning to do a little shopping. Xiu Shui is the Silk Street market- Purveyor of all Good Things.
4 floors of counterfeit goods... Lacoste, North Face, Oakley, Rolex, Breitling, TAG Heuer... Everything you need. And about 100 guys outside hawking first run DVDs at a buck a copy. I got a nice North Fake rain jacket for $12US... With a little luck it will last through the entire tournament.

There are a few things to chat about...
First...
I want one of these....

Coca Cola is using these little buggers to sell beverages, but they are getting more use at night by the dudes who are riding them to have impromptu grand prix races around the site. They haul ass- probably 35 mph, maybe higher. They are cool, and fun to ride...

Hmmm... Other items of interest-

If you see this stuff in the stores, stay the hell away!

This is some vile shit!
It tastes like drinking toothpaste...
Avoid like the plague.


Some nice Beijing ambiance...

Sunset over the site...

Can you say "smog" boys and girls? That's right...

In regards to Duck...
I'm searching for a Peking Duck restaurant...
They say there is a good one down near Chongmenwen, called Bianyifang, and another called Quanjude down in Qianmen...
I was hoping to go to one of these places before the Event started but it didn't happen. Now if they cancel play today, there is definitely duck in my future.
Film at eleven.

TBG Out-

Webcam

Midnight EDT Thurs 15th

Webcam is up...

http://www.listen2unclejay.com/webcam/potd.jpg

At least until the connection is down again....

Long post later today- stay tuned.

TBG Out-

Monday Morning...

Well... It's Sunday night here... Sunday morning for y'all.
(Lucky bastards.)

Play officially starts tomorrow. Whoo-hoo!
My stuff is good, considering the hoops I had to jump through to get things here. All in all, its a flippin' miracle we are where we are.

I'm really starting to worry about the Olympics. They (China, Ministry of Sports, etc) have a huge learning curve ahead of them.

I got a standing ovation this afternoon...
Wish it was for doing my job...

I got drafted to do player escorts. They have no real security here and the players are getting mobbed by autograph seekers. (Bad... Scary Bad.)
It is worse than anything I have ever seen, anywhere.
Insanity.

Anyway-
We (Nick, Gavin, Michael, etc) have to use every bit of our not-so-inconsiderate gwailo physique to bulldoze a path from the practice courts to the stadium. It was really bad this afternoon.
Somehow in the shuffle while we were escorting Rafael Nadal into the building, we were hit by the biggest crush yet. They (the fans) knocked down our barricades and rushed Nadal...
In the crush I had my foot stepped on and I lost my shoe.
(Did I stop to pick it up? Hell no.)

Once inside, I headed back out... to get my shoe.
Lots of laughiing, staring, pointing...
"Look at the big monkey with only one shoe!"
There were about five people standing around it as it lay there on the sidewalk.
I think they were just in awe of the size (and the smell, no doubt) of it.
I think one guy wanted to take it back to his hutong to live in it...
I got my size 14 canoe back and carried it back into the Stadium-
As I was carried it in with me, the laughing pointing and giggling became cheering and applause.
I was walking with the Tournament Director who seemed to get quite a big kick out of the whole scene. For me, it was embarrasing...
It told the TD that if this made the local paper it would cost him extra...

Hell... they have already promised me a Peking Duck dinner for doing the escorts the past 2 days... This is starting to be an interesting event.

Anyway... What else...

Man, it's hot here. Hot-hot-hot.
Africa hot.
Tarzan couldn't take this kind of heat.

As for adventures in dining... Still having ramen noodles for dinner most nights.
Tonight was interesting, though...
I got an invite to eat with the CCTV staff in their dining hall.
There was some very suspect dishes on the chow line. I had to take a pass on several rather doubious-looking meat dishes. And there were some vegetables that looked downright alien. Something out of a bad 60 SciFi movie...
I'll pass on that. Give me another one of the pork buns.
Except they weren't pork buns, they were more like kale and dill buns.
Imaging boiled kale and dill, wrapped up in a soft white dough bun.
Yuck.
I'll have to work on how to politely pass on the chow line at CCTV next time.

Things won't be getting much better when it comes to dinner time in the next 2 weeks. Matches on Center Court will probably go to 11:30 or 12 every night starting tomorrow.
Oh boy. What fun.

I'm sure there are some things I want to mention but are slipping my mind...
I'll post them when I remember them.

TBG out-

And one more thing...

I've got the webcam running. As long as the internet connections stays running, it will update every 90 seconds... to view it, click on the eye under "webcam" on the main page.
It's just shooting a static shot of the office I'm living in for the moment.
I'll try to get a better location as time permits.

Enjoy.

I think I'll pass on that idea...

So...
I was thinking about getting (rent, buy) a bike...
Before you collectively freak out, I'm talking about a bicycle, not a motorcycle. Even I wouldn't try riding a motorcycle here. If you thought Athens was a nightmare for driving, you wouldn't believe Beijing.

Anyway- I was thinking about a bike. I even went and looked at a couple of them in the Carrefour and a little bicycle shop. Prices were reasonable, a nice heavy-duty bike for about $70USD.
So- I've been toying with the idea, the only holdup is economics.
Taxis are costing me $5UDS a day- and I don't have to deal with locking a taxi to a lamppost everytime I walk away from it. Also, the bike isn't airconditioned, a big consideration here.
On the plus side- I could sure use the aerobic exercise. Wouldn't hurt me a bit.

Until this morning...
I saw a bicyclist get nailed by a taxi. Hard. I mean, the dude on the bike hit the taxi hard enough to break the windshield and still flew another 20 feet before coming to rest in intersection.
The scary part was the reaction (or lack thereof) by the other riders and pedestrians. They stepped over or around the guy as he sat on the road bleeding. Traffic did the same thing mostly, just swerved around him. They just took it as another normal day-to-day event on the way to work.

(Although, it might be interesting to see what would happen if I got hit by a taxi...
I have a feeling that the auto might suffer more damage than I would. I could almost guarantee that the driver would get the short end of the stick.
If the realization of who/what he hit didn't kill him, I would turn him into a pretzel... or I guess it would be a jin ban wa here...
But I digress...)

So... Based on the fact that traffic is crazy, and you can wind up as a dark spot on the road at a split second's notice, I think I'll take a pass on the two-wheeler and stick with the greenies. At least for the moment.

TBG out. Cold. (heh.)

N 39 50.950' E116 24.444'

Just as a dog returneth to his own vomit, so will a fool to his folly.
(Proverbs 26:11 KJV)
----------------------------------------------

Well-
Welcome to the China Open, 2005.
Insanity ensues.

I know you love to hear my travel adventures- Getting a laugh out of another’s misfortune is the American Way, as Pete would say…
This trip started good- I got an upgrade from Jax to EWR.
Nice. Guy next to me never said a word, I stayed buried in my crossword for the first 20 minutes and my nose in a Clive Cussler novel the rest of the time.
I only had 35 minutes in Newark so no breakfast a Gallagers.
I got a quick bite at one of the snack joints in the airport and boarded the 777-200.
It is one big-assed plane.

I got a bulkhead on the aisle- Lots of legroom. Hoo ha.

Guess who was two seats in front of me in Biz Class?
One of the people I loathe most in this world- Dan Rather.
On assignment for 60 Minutes.
(Irony- On Thursday Night I had the dubious pleasure of watching 60 Minutes II to see a piece on deepwater diving off NJ. DR is the host of 60M II and his smarmy commentary during the Hurricane Katrina piece was irritating to say the least.)
Now- here he is, two rows in front of me.
It was difficult to suppress the urge to go and urinate in his Cornflakes-
But, in the interests of National Security I was able to keep my composure.
More on him later.

OK- So- good seat. The plane was pretty empty.
I was on the aisle on the left side of the plane; config was 3-3-3 in this part of the plane. At the last minute a Chinese national took the window seat. We had the seat between us empty. Really nice- since last time it was crowded on the flight and there was someone in the middle seat, and all three of us were miserable.
Anyway-
Empty middle seat-good.
Movie choices, bad. Here I am less than a day later and I can't remember what I watched.
(Must have been bad.)
So.. I watched a flick, had "dinner", a nice very tender piece of beef, and then took and Ambien and slept for 5 hours. (hoo ha!)
I woke up with 4 hours to go, read some more of Dirk Pitt's adventure in the South American rainforest, had a bite to eat and got ready to land.
All in all, the flight was uneventful-
Customs and immigration was another story. As we walked through the terminal, I wound up behind Danny Boy, so as we entered the immigration screening room ("Please stay behind the yellow line, or the nice young man with the automatic weapon will shoot you") I chose a different line than Mr. Rather. His line didn't move fast enough, so he shuffled over behind me. Lovely.
I got my book out and tried to ignore him.
People in line around us tried to engage him-
"Hi, ho ya doin? Love your show. Why are here in China? Working on a story?"
He was polite but declined to say he was there.
"They really don't like us to talk about the stories we are working on, I hope you understand-"
(They? I thought you were the Big Boss, Danny. WTF is with the mysterious “They”?)
Well- Since he changed lanes, now MY lane wouldn't move. Asshole.
Doesn't he know Coopers Bank Postulate? "If you change lines in the bank because the teller that is servicing your line is slow, you will cause BOTH line to move slowly?
Jeezus!
Finally a guy in uniform got our attention and had us move down several lanes to one side- the sign above it read "Chinese Nationals", but since the guy directing us had a gun, I'll follow him rather than the sign.
There were 3 people in front of us, nationality unknown. As the guy behind the desk processed them there seemed to be problems with all of them- We watched as they were led off one by one to some secondary questioning.
Danny Boy taps me on the shoulder.
"You following all that?" he asked.
"Yeah. Not looking good." I said.
"Well- if you don't make it, I'm heading for another line." he said.
"Me too." said his camera guy and audio guy, standing behind him.
Lovely.
The cookie pusher behind the desk finally called me forward and I handed him my entry card and passport. He looked at me, looked at the pic and the "Why the hell are you coming to this hell hole?" card, stamped my passport with red ink and I was on my way-
I never looked back at Dan. FTMF.

I got my bags after a minimal wait, most of the wait was a passport control, then headed through the Nothing to Declare line- the guy took my declaration card, looked at my bags and waved me through without ever looking at me.
My ride, Nakanishi Ieyasu, was late, so as I stood in the Meet & Greet I was inundated with offers for a taxi- I started to practice my Withering Stare. You need the patented Withering Stare for when you walk through the markets and are deluged with the ubiquitous "CD DVD ROLEX" hawkers.
They get the Stare when they grab my arm or shoulder- Otherwise I pretty much ignore them-
Nakanishi finally showed up and we were off to Long Tou, the accommodations he had booked for me... Long Tou is kind of like a Little Tokyo... It seems like 90% of the residents here are Japanese. All the instructions and signs are in Kanji (as opposed to Pinyin) and all the people in the market and the restaurants speak Japanese...

This only presents a minor problem... In Beijing, places close to “American” style hotels (Hilton, Hyatt, Marriott, etc) have a lot of services with Engrish-speaking people in mind, like menus, signs, etc. Taxi driver that speak Engrish tend to congregate there, and they have other little things like menus that are printed in Engrish, or at least picture menus...
Not so over here in Japaneseland.
No Internet connections here in Long Tou either. I have to take my laptop over to the (no kidding) King Wing Hot Spring Hotel to get on-line.
And another thing... This is a winner... AT&T changed their access code since the last time I was here... I’ve been trying to dial 10811 to get a LD operator because I haven’t been able to purchase an IDD card yet)... but there is no response. You’d think they’d put on a recording to tell you they changed the number...
(The new number is 108888, should you need it... heh)

I went shopping last night... Man I love going to a grocery store that smells like an outhouse... I stick with pre-packaged and/or frozen stuff… I did get a couple tomatoes and oranges, but as I looked in the “deli” case the number of flies buzzing around inside the case had me worried, so I skipped the “prepared food”. (Prepared by Chef Sal - Salmonella to his friends).
I got some frozen dumplings and other cookables like ramen-type noodle soups, since my room has a “full” kitchen, so we will see if the 12 dollars I spent on five bags of groceries was worth the money spent.
I got lots of drinkables too... several kinds of tea, a couple bottles of diet soda, water, some other goodies too... I managed to avoid cookies and other sweets. We’ll see how that works out.

All manner of fun at the Beijing Tennis Center… Since I don’t comment on actual work stuff, you will have to ask about it directly of you have a need to know, but suffice to say we are living in Interesting Times, if you know what I mean...

Well... I started with 7 Clive Cussler novels... I’ve read one and a half in 2 days...I need to slow down... I’ll be out of reading material before the tournament starts at this rate.
The good news is that I still have 20 or so NY Times Sunday Crossword puzzles left…
Good times...good times...

Onward through the fog...As long as I keep moving they won’t find me...

Heh.

TBG out-

Beijing, Tombs & The Wall...

My most sincere apologies about the delay... I’ve been busier than a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest.

Since returning from China, I was sick for a week, did a week on the LPGA tour in Dublin, Ohio. I’ve been in NYC at the US Open, and am trying to get ready for another trip to Beijing on Sunday (the 4th).

So... Here we go...


Beijing.

The first thing I have to say is to watch out for the concierge(s) at the hotel.
They all have agendas.

I always thought the Concierge was someone who would help you with your wants, needs & desires (within reason). At the Courtyard Marriott in Beijing the service from the front desk and the concierge desk is pretty poor. Don’t get me wrong, the hotel room was ok, and they tried to be helpful, but in the end the overall impression was pretty poor.

I wanted to go see the Great Wall... I had heard there were some areas near Beijing that were a little off the beaten path, and the experience was preferred to the normal Great Wall tours. So I took my notepad to the Concierge to ask about hiring a car to drive me to this location...
“Oh- Great wall. We have good tour. 340 yuan.” says the smiling concierge.
“To Simitai?” I ask.
“No... Badaling. Also to Ming Tombs! Same day!”
“But... I want to go to Simitai.”
“We don’t have a tour there. Only Badaling.”
“Well... Can I hire a car and driver?”
“Not a good place. Take tour to Badaling and Chengling.”
“But...”
“340 yuan.”
“So... there is no way to go to Simitai.” I ask.
“No. Only Badaling.” He said.
So... I fork over my $40...
“Bus leaves at 7:30, come back at 4:00. Be here at 7:30 in the morning.”
So… I’m thinking... Wow. 8 and a half hours- It’s 70km to Badaling... I guess we get to spend a lot of time at the tombs and the Great Wall...
Ha.
The tour consisted of 4 people- Yours Truly, Angie, an ESL teacher from Kentucky by way of Osaka, and 2 girls from Philly, Agnes and Andrea, who are CSRs for a Major Airline…
So… We load into the minivan and 7:30 and we were off to the Ming Tombs…
Our tour Guide explained the itinerary...
“Today is holiday. Many visitors at Great Wall... Students from schools, visitors to China. We go to Chengling first, that way when we get to Great Wall, it not so crowded.”
Cool.
So-We are off to the Chengling.

But first...a word from out sponsor.
As we drove north out of Beijing, the Guide started talking about jade: how it is an important part of the culture of China, how it is and was used by the people of China…
And lo and behold- we pull into a prison-looking building and are herded inside for a little show and tell about jade... Grading, the carving process, care and feeding, etc.
So… the four of us crowded into a little showroom and head the first spiel about grades and colors of jade, then we are herded into a area where they are carving figurines. (I have to admit is was very interesting... especially all the partially finished pieces that were on display where they had fractured during the carving process.)
Then- just like Universal Studios, when you get off the ride, you end up in the gift shop. The display area was huge, fully 80 yards long and 40 yards wide... Probably 30 sales people in this huge room filled with display cases full of beautiful jewelry, shelves loaded with carved figurines, from huge elaborate carvings of sailing vessels to tiny beads...
Wonderful stuff... And every time you stopped to look at an item, a salesperson was there to show it to you, and give you the hard sell...
“Oh… Very nice for you. You like. 100 yuan. You want see more?”
Ours was not a very profitable group... I don’t think they got us for more than 50 yuan total… about 6 bucks... Then we were off again...

The Ming Tombs at Chengling.

The Ming Tombs- or rather, the one we visited was interesting, if you are into the funeral trapping of old dead Asian people, or the traditions of the old Dynasties of China before the 1600s. By all means, take the tour. It does have its moments. We pulled in to Chengling in a small parking lot- only 4 or 5 cars in it…
I was thinking- this will be good- looks like the place will be empty.
Wrong.
The Guide led us up a stone stairway- Holy Crap! There were about 30 large tour buses... and hundreds of tourists milling about everywhere.

If you really want the info on the Ming Tombs at Chengling, go here... (Link to be inserted later)

Meanwhile- I will continue with the list of things that I found interesting...

After we visited Zhoudi, we hit the road again. The Guide was evasive on when we would arrive at the Great Wall. I had a feeling we were in for another detour... and we were.
Our Guide started talking about Chinese medicine, and how sometimes how the old ways are better than the new medicines. As she finished her spiel, we pulled into a complex of buildings and were herded inside and into a small classroom. Our Guide said a Chinese doctor was coming to talk to us about Chinese medicines and give us all a non-invasive checkup and make some recommendations for our general health.
Well... Once again, we were not the most profitable group... The girls all sat for the doctor to feel their pulses and look in their eyes and mouths... He suggested some nuts and berries and herbs (and deer antlers and bear penis) that would cure them of all their ills, which were promptly dismissed as BS and we were on our way.
Me? I try to avoid doctors in the US, let alone going to a medicine man in rural Beijing. I politely declined the invitation to be examined.
(By politely, I mean I only suggested heavy physical violence if they didn’t let us go immediately when it was my turn to be examined. Heh.)
Onward through the fog...
We finally arrived at the Badaling section of the Great Wall around 11:30… The Guide turned us loose and we scampered off through the crowds and kiosks selling all manner of tacky souvenirs and nonesuch and headed up the steepest part of the wall.
MISTAKE!!
Your eyes tell you, yes, you can do it. But listen to your Uncle Jay... It is too damn steep, narrow and crowded to be safe. In this area it is a very picturesque location, but it is a tough row to hoe. Go the other way- head east. An easier climb, less crowded and much more enjoyable.
After hiking along that section of the wall, I was very surprised that many people aren’t hurt every day… It was scary in some places. The Wall is very steep in many sections, and the steps have a very long rise, sometimes over 12” in height. Going up is arduous, and coming down is treacherous.
We went up several sections, I think I made it up through 4 of the guard towers, almost to the top of the ridge, but I have to say, I did not have the stamina or (more importantly) the hydration to go further. I shot some pics, turned back and headed down.
I think the only thing that made going down safer for me was the fact my legs are long… I was able to negotiate the steps better on the way down… I hit the bottom and hunted up a vendor that had (no kidding) Pocari Sweat. (Japanese Gatorade) I drank two bottles and sat in the shade and waited for the girls to make it back down... When they made it, I treated them all to a bottle of Sweat and we went looking for the Guide...
The Guide, the driver, and some other unnamed gentleman were all asleep in our tour bus, taking a little midday siesta. We woke them up and we piled in and headed off to our next gift shop.
(One good thing about the Guide and etc napping in the van- they had the motor running and the AC on, so the van was nice and cool inside.
So... we were off.
We waited for the Guide to start on some kind of spiel on something intrinsically Chinese, and we weren’t disappointed... She started talking about Chinese cloisonné, porcelain inlaid with copper… and voila- here we were at the Friendship Store... We went through a short tour on the making of cloisonné and then were hustled upstairs to a large dining room for lunch.
Lunch was rather tasty... Some tasty appetizers, 4 different entrees that we shared, and some other goodies. All in all, it was very nice.
The cloisonné showroom was very nice... I got a huge kick out of the place.
Once again- we were not the most profitable group... We made minimal purchases and got out with our wallets intact.
Heading back into Beijing proper, it was about 2:30- Since we were due back between 4:30 and 5:00, I had a feeling we were in for one or two more gift shops... but- alas, it was not to be. We held a bloodless coup- Andrea and Agnes wanted to go to the Lama Temple (Yonghe Gong) in the north part of the city. I just wanted to go back to the hotel. I was tired tired tired.
Agnes and Andrea had to pay an extra 20 RMB…Why? Hellifino... I guess for the privilege of getting off before the next gift shop. They were ejected and we were off again. I prevailed (minimal threats) on the Guide to take us back to the Hotel.
Forget fatigue... It was 3:30- enough time to get over to the Beijing Tennis Center over in Fengtai. I hopped a taxi (a GREEN taxi) for Guangcai street...
A side note first-
Taking taxis in Beijing...
Listen to your Uncle Jay: Avoid the Red Taxis.
Let me say that again for emphasis- AVOID THE RED TAXIS.
The red taxis are old old old… they are all about 10 years old.
Think about that.
Take a poorly manufactured car, put it on badly paved streets, drive it like a maniac for 12 hours a day, perform minimum maintenance, and do it for 10 years.
Most of the red taxis have shot suspensions, broken air conditioners, worn-out seats, minimal exhaust suppression... overall it is a horrible ride.
Get a green taxi if at all possible. Or a blue.
Black taxis are also available, but you pay a premium for them...
And make sure they use the meter.
One more note on taxis- they are dirt cheap, overall.
Don’t let the meter scare you- Just remember the exchange rate. 8.11 to 1.
So that long 140RMB Cab ride from the airport is only $17.00...
(Know what 17 bucks gets you in NYC? Diddly and/or squat. $35.00 from LaGuardia to Manhattan is redicking fuckulous.)
Ok- enuffa bout taxis.

Onward to Beijing National Tennis Center...
We are about a month and a half out from one of the premier event in Asian tennis, the China Open... Takes place in mid-September, right after the US Open. Six weeks form now.
The BNTC is all but abandoned.
There is a guard at the open gate who looked at me as I walked through the gate, but didn’t even get out of his chair.
There is a Quonset-looking structure that I assume that is in use since there was a myriad of bicycles and a couple cars parked nearby, but the main stadium is unoccupied.
Not a soul.
I walked in the open doors- dusty but otherwise unremarkable. Went right out on to the main court...
It had recently (in the last month?) been repainted that lovely PMS 540…
OK… there has to be someone around here...
I heard voice somewhere in the sub concourse but I never found the source. A meeting going on behind closed doors, no doubt.
I sniffed around the corners of the court looking for power- lots of outlets... Looks pretty easy to cable for radar, clocks or other services. I poked around outside a bit more- couldn’t find a location that screamed “Truck Pad” but I have my suspicions where they will park the trucks... I shot a passel of pictures and did a quick sketch of the grounds and then headed back out to Guangcai Street to find a taxi.
Plenty of reds... no greens.
Bummer.
I walked a bit and finally found a greenie... and I was off to the Hotel- dinner at the local conveyer-belt sushi joint, and I hit the sack by 9:00 pm.

The Workers Stadium and Tian’anmen Square.

I wanted to see if they had fixed the venerable Workers Indoor Stadium, a 60's vintage arena that looked more like a prison than a indoor sports arena... We did a basketball game there last year in October and they were “working” on renovating the stadium. Big gaping holes in the exterior walls, whole areas in the sub concourse that were gutted and unusable...
Guess what? No change. The construction crew headed out the door on October 18, 2004 and hasn’t been back since.
Still a 60’s vintage shithole.
Lovely.

I hopped a green and headed for the center of town and, for all intents and purposes, the center of the Chinese universe. Tian’anmen Square and the Forbidden City.

If you want to know all about the Forbidden City, look here: (Link to be inserted later)

As for my skewed observations...
They have too many guards, too many souvenir hawkers and many many people who will offer to guide you to see the sights inside the walls...for a price.
I did the “do it yourself” thing- I saw a lot, but maybe having a knowledgeable guide is worthwhile... time will tell.
All I can say- the royal families were decadent... they spent a lot of money, brains and time, (well... SOMEONE spent money brains and time) building this pile of red, yellow and gold crap... and it was interesting as far as overindulgent royalty goes, and if you throw in their propensity for appeasing various and sundry deities and spirits, well... I have to say it is probably more interesting than, say, Versailles, but only because it is about 1000 years older...
If you cross the street from the Forbidden City, you are in Tian’anmen Square... One big open empty space. Them’s Who Would Know say that a half a million people could gather in Tian’anmen Square... It is huge... If you remember the unpleasantness a few years back- a peaceful demonstration that lasted several weeks and then the PRC big wigs got tired of the student’s demands for political reform and called in the heavy artillery, in the form of army tanks.
Everyone remembers the moving pictures of the dude with the white flag in front of the column of armor. You probably didn’t see him get squashed like a bug...
It didn’t actually happen in the square- it happened out on the street near the square… the big demonstrations were going on in the square, the dude with the flag was trying to stop the tanks from getting there.
Yo. Dude. Do the math. 98 lb student with a white flag vs. a 8600lb tank with 50cal guns and a 60mm cannon... The tank wins every time.

I shot some pics in Tian’anmen Square, aroused the wrath of the guards by taking pics of the various statuary... Hell if I know why... there was probably 30 more people shooting pictures too...
Oh well...
I walked back to the hotel... It was a hike, and I was a tired camper when I got back there... I had a flight the next day- CO88 leaves Beijing at 3:45pm and gets in to Newark at 5:30pm... Ooowee- that is one fast aero-plane!

They have a dim sum breakfast at the hotel- which was passable. I also went to the flea market for an hour, but that was pointless. You need about 5 hours to do Panjiayuan justice… Next trip.

One thing I noticed on the way to the dirt market was that we went down Embassy Row... all the different embassies all along one road... It brought a tear to my eye as we passed the US embassy with the Marine Guards outside the gate and the Stars and Stripes overhead...
Right next to the Greek embassy there was a place that looked abandoned... Weed choked driveway, overgrown bushes, and general disrepair...
Has some small country recently gone out of business recently? I didn’t hear anything about one...
Oh well...

The flight home was mostly uneventful... Clearing customs at EWR was the only adventure... For the first time in a long time they did a full search on my stuff... Went through the carnet item by item. A very thorough inspection... and one that made me nearly miss my connection... I had about 3 minutes to spare before they closed the door of the plane... I made it back ok, but just barely... 23 hours of travel... and it was still only 8:45 in the evening.
Go back a message or three where I thought I had come down with SARS...
That will keep you from traveling in 3rd world countries.

-TBG Out.