Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Commute Narrative - Two Wheels Edition

Ah, you Constant 4-Wheelers might be curious to know what a motorcycle rider's thought process is during a typical daily ride...

So I made a few notes on my morning commute.
(There are all encounters from my Wed AM ride.)

1- Dodge the guy 'walking' his 2 labs on his bicycle in the neighborhood.
(No problem- you go ahead and take the entire right lane- I'll ride over here on the left and hope a) your dogs don't lunge at me, and 2) no one makes the curve heading this way while I'm still over here.)

2- (On Penman - doing 38 in a 35 Zone and the girl in the VW Passat is less than 10' off my rear wheel. 10 feet. No shit.) "Really? You're crawling up my ass? Is this really necessary?"
If you're late for work you should have left earlier.

3- (To the woman trying to turn onto Penman in her Gigantor SUV) "Don'tpullout!Don'tpullout!Don'tpullout!Don'tpullout! Ah..thankyou!"

4- The first texting encounter - red light on Beach near 20th.
I can see her with her head down in the car in front of me, intently texting or trying to dig belly-button lint out of her navel.
The car behind me honks, saving me from embarrassing myself with the pitifully nasal motorcycle horn. And we're off - with her 'Sorry, my bad!' hand wave.

5- As someone mentioned in the 'Blogosphere recently- you really don't need that Obama sticker on your Prius. Driving that thing is affirmation of your douchiness. Don't gild the lily.

6- Watch the traffic lights on Beach at San Pablo and Hodges- extrapolate the left turn timing... Is it worth fighting to get to the left turn lane to queue up for the light- hoping to make it in the current cycle. Is there a truck in the turn lane? A school bus? Is the lane overly full? If yes to either- screw it- on to the next light, and repeat process.

7- Make. Up. Your. F'ing. Mind. Asshole. (Mouthbreather in the beater 90's Ford 150.)
Choose a lane, stick with it. 3 lane changes in 1/4 mile is too much.

8- Texting encounter #2, Beach & Hodges red light.
I really don't know which is worse- the idjits that drive and text simultaneously, or the ones that text at red lights- I guess holding us all at ransom in the turn lane until she finishes her text and presses 'send' is much more righteous than doing it at 65 mph.

9- Keep calm Big Guy.
The asshole in the Tesla that cut you off will get his. You really don't need to do any acrobatics to catch up with him to prove you are faster and more maneuverable.
You know it; He knows it. He's just an ass. Just let it go.

10- On the SuperSlab (JTB Expressway - Speed limit 65)
Apparently doing 78 in the left lane is far too slow for the BMW and some low-profile Honda behind me.
I see you blinking your lights, Douchebag. Give me a second to get past the laggard middle-laners that are doing only 74 and I'll get out of your way.

11- Texting Encounter #3 - Passed doing 78 MPH by a schmuck in a Audi doing minimum of 85, and he went by I could see him timesharing his attention between the road and his iPhone in his lap. Look down - Look up - Look down - Look up - Look down - Look up - Classic.

12- Gate Parkway:
Hey, you making the left across my lane- look this way. Look here. Look over here! Stop inching into my lane! LOOK THIS WAY DAMMIT! Ah! He finally remembered to look over this way and SUPRISE! Motorcycle! After he's halfway across my lane... (This guy is a SMIDSY - "Sorry Man, I Didn't See You")

13- Hey JaxDOT, how's about filling in some of these potholes on Centurion Parkway and Gate Parkway?

14 - And would it hurt to run a street sweeper on some of these side streets occasionally?



Ben Catoe said...

I'm glad to see you've changed your attitude about texting while driving.

You want some help changing out that horn or go straight to mounting a cpeargun instead?

deadcenter said...

Point 2 - had a motorcycle 10 feet off my bumper and in my blind spot in a 55 zone where I was going 62. My first thought was "I hope you've signed your donor card, 'cuz I will be reading your obituary soon".

Point11 - that wasn't texting, that was porn.

Old NFO said...

"Glad" to see nothing has changed in Jax and at the Beaches... NOT!!!

The Big Guy said...

Yeah, well... It's a case of "do as I say, not as I do".
But on two wheels, I'm doing good just to get from point A to point B in one piece. I don't need to add technology interaction to the task.
(Except Ingress hacking. I still do that while driving my bike.)

I've never figured out a car/truck blind spot is a natural location to ride. I find myself there all the time. It's like a Lagrange point; the bike just gravitates there.

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.
But- that being said, if you would get your ass down here I think we could show you some good stuff...
(Provided I am in town when you get here. Heh.)