Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Christmas Eve

It's 4:30p here in Sydney-
I'm the last one on-site- time to split.

But first-
To all my Constant Readers- Merry Christmas, however you choose to spend it.
Working, playing, relaxing with friends & family...
Do it with the gusto of a hound dog digging into a charcoal-broiled sow's snout.

I'm going to get some dinner, then go grocery shopping to get fixins for Christmas dinner.
No doubt the hotel staff will get to enjoy the musical tones of the smoke detector in my room going off...
(Astute Constant Readers will wonder how one can burn a Rum and Ginger Beer...
I shall leave that one to your imaginations.)

Meanwhile- I will share part of my End of Day report with you- I usually try to inject a bit of humor - it's the only reason people read the damned things anyway-

So from Sydney Olympic Park Tennis Center Centre:

‘Twas the day before Christmas, and all across the site
Not a possum was stirring; The staff left for the night.
Most cabling was done and phones were put in
I just finished my report when I heard a great din;

From rack A1A there arose such a clatter,
I saw that a server had something the matter;
There was smoke coming out of the main hard disk drive -
“No problem,” I thought - “I’m sure its set with RAID 5.”

But I found out the system I thought was unstoppable,
Had disk drives that turned out completely unswappable!
“No problem,” I thought. they’ve tape backup to thank;”
And then we discovered the backups were blank.

The UPS burped, and its lights all went out…
I started to scream! I started to shout!
But nobody heard as I vented my rage –
Way down in the server room, that dark possum cage.

When no one at tech support answered the phone,
I was nose deep in trouble, completely alone;

When out in the carpark a mad ruckus began
Loud squeaking and banging and a rattling tin can.
I ran to the door, thinking 'What the hell now!?
Looked out by my car, and then I thought 'Wow.'

Guess what had shattered my crashed network blues?
But a rusty old Ute pulled by eight mighty ’roos.
The cheerful man driving was giggling with glee,
And I knew at once who this plump bloke must be.

With a hard banking turn the KRA he barely scraped by
But those eight kangaroos fairly soared through the sky.
Santa leaned out the window to pull at the reins,
And encouraged the ’roos, by calling their names.

“Now, Kylie! Now, Kirsty! Now, Shazza and Jane!
On Kipper! On, Skipper! On, Bazza and Wayne!
Park down by the creek and grab a quick drink,    
I’ll run to the server room, Be back in a wink!”

So down to the creek those eight kangaroos flew,
With the Ute full of toys, and some tech tools too.
His eyes had the twinkle of technical genius,
We met by the door, to avoid inconvenience.

“What’s your problem?” he asked. “Never mind, friend, I know...
I checked out your network 'bout five hours ago;
Your routers are screwed, their eproms all crashed,
The switches are hosed and the cables are trashed.

His eyes - bright as opals - Oh! How they twinkled!
And, like a goanna, his skin was quite wrinkled!
His shirt was stretched over a round bulging belly
Which shook when he moved, like a plate full of jelly.

He spread out his tools, and went straight to his work,
He jacked in and killed the apps that had gone berzerk
Uploaded some software, and smoothly rerouted
Upgraded some drivers and then he quickly rebooted,

"Cheer up, my good friend! Lose that mindset so tragic!
Technology often looks just like some magic."
Look at the protocols, check one or two,
Debug a bit, test a bit, presto! We’re through!”
The data was back! Every system checked out!
Tears of joy wet my face as I staggered about.

“How can I thank you? You must be Saint Nick!”
He said, “Really, my friend, it’s not such a great trick,
If you don’t give up hope, focus on what you’re doing,
Stop surfing porn, the sysadmin knows what you're viewing."

We strolled out to the park and found his ’roos chasing a possum;
He kicked the vermin a mile with a boot that was awesome.
He boarded his ute and went through a quick pre-flight check
Then they were off, all the 'roos and the red-suited Tech.

He bellowed out loud as they swooped past the gates -
Merry Christmas to all, and goodonya, Mates!



Luc said...

Merry Christmas to you, J, H and of course Bozie from the Coulombe family. Thank you for entertaining us with your tales and yes your bitchin' . Safe traveling.

The Big Guy said...

Thank you sir- the same to you and the family!
Stay warm!