Friday, December 07, 2012

Dodging a Bullet

With friends like this, who needs enemas?

Back on the first week on November, a friend called and asked if I could help me out with "a little problem he was having" down south...

Now, I've know this guy since 1981... He and I have been through some, um, interesting times together.
As a rule, he is a shitmagnet of the first order.
And as is common for high-order shitmagnets, he has the knowledge, skills, ability and contacts to extricate himself (and most of those around him) from said shit.

I spent the better part of a year with him in Panama and other Central American shitholes, and over the last 30 years we chat on a semi-regular basis...
One thing I find interesting is that he doesn't embrace Internet technology...At all.
No email, no Skype, no SMS...And he really doesn't have a good reason, just doesn't like computers and high-tech stuff. Weird.

Anyway- as usual, about once every five years I get a call...
"Hey- can you give me a hand with something?"
And the 'somethings' are usually either horribly mundane things in strange places, or stressful/dangerous shitstorms in downright stupid environments.

(Fact- I have never emerged from one of his 'somethings' without some type of physical injury... and it wasn't necessarily due to the task involved.)

Now, I'm not under any obligations to him, nor is it a quid pro quo; he calls, I go.
I guess I'm collecting all those chips for when the shit really hits the fan and I need a hammer-
Then it will be my turn to call, and he will be on the doorstep with bells on. No doubt.

So- Early November, and I get a call.
"Can you help?" - as per usual, no defined location, no specifics on what he wants/needs to do, no personnel info, just the question - am I in?
"Sure- where do you need me?"

"Don't know yet. Call you tomorrow and let you know. (click)"
Two days later the call comes. Not even a hello-how-you-doing....
"I need you on the 19th or 20th. There's a town called Dangriga in Belize. Fly into Belize City or Belmopan and get down to Dangriga. There's a guest house on Howard St. I'll see you there on Tuesday night or Wednesday morning, latest."
-(writing frantically-Belize Dangriga, Howard St., Tuesday/Wednesday) "Anything special I need to bring?"
"God no! Travel light. Inconspicuous. Eco-Touristy."
"Cool. See you then."

Belize. Haven't been there since 1978? 79?
And Eco-Touristy? Wow.
Well.. been wanting to go down there for a while now, check out the possibilities for a bug-out location... And airfare to Belize City is in the $300 range...

Quick research shows several possibilities for getting from BC to Dangriga. Probably take the bus.
It will make that 20 hour HK-Shanghai train trip look positively luxurious.

The clock is ticking- I'm just killing time waiting for my departure date to roll aound...
The phone rings at 8:45am on Friday (the 16th)
As my man Pete says "Man, when the phones rings that early it's always bad. Good news always sleeps until noon."
Its my man down south.
"Dude, shits on. Don't come down. (click)."
Search - belize dangriga trouble US citizen expat
(chug chug chug goes the internet - Ding! - we have a winner!)


I had never seen anything about him and/or Belize prior to this, and though I have no specifics about what I was going to be asked to do, I had no doubt it involved him.
(And man, the shit has definitely hit the fan with him since that first call...)

Oddly enough, The Bug, who apparently has one finely-tuned antennae to the ground, when I told him I wouldn't be available for a meeting during that week, that I would be down in Belize, he says "Oh, you going down to look for McAfee?" He had apparently caught a news report that McAfee had gone fugitive.

Amazing that he pulled that one out of his ass...

And now- McAfee was picked up in Guatamala for making an illegal border crossing...

I watched the video to see if my guy was in the area. Didn't see him anywhere, and based on the 'interview' McAfee gave, I'm pretty sure my guy saw what a pompous ass this dude is and decided that it was a no-win situation and to GTFO...

Man... I'm really glad my guy pulled the plug on this one...



Old NFO said...

Yeah, good thing that one DIDN'T go down... But when they call, you DO have to go! :-)

kx59 said...

You really should write a book one of these days.
You could give Elmore Leonard a run for his money, I'm sure.

Bug said...

Always nice when I'm just being an outright smartass (one of my true talents) and I get credit for being a foresighted genius.

Hmm, "The Bug" ..I think I like that.