Wednesday, August 01, 2012

Community Toasters & Public Shaming

Lack of sleep is starting to take its toll on me...

This morning I came as close to physical violence for the most trivial offense as I have in a long time...
At 6:30 this fine (overcast, chilly) morning I was in the commissary getting breakfast.
I come in early to beat the 7:00-7:15 rush, where the place fills to capacity and things get way too crowded for my tastes.
There is a bank of toasters and a selection of breads at one side and I threw a couple slices of wheat bread in and went over to get my yogurt/granola & a plate of fruit.
I was walking back to get my should-be-pretty-close-to-finished toast and watched some little (5'0") shitfuck from New York take one of my slices out of the toaster and put it on his plate and walk over and sit down and start eating...

I was floored.

Really? You couldn't put your own bread in and wait for 60 seconds?

He was sitting over among his New York co-workers... Perhaps some shaming him in front of his fellow travelers?

1. Accost the little fuck- "What the fuck, dude? Go steal someone else's toast."
2. Tit-for-tat -  walk over and take an item off his plate. "I assume all food is community property since you saw fit to abscond with my toast..."
3. Kill with kindness - Put the other slice of finished toast on a plate and walk it over to him and put it on the table by him. "Figured you might as well have the other one too... Can I get you anything else? Butter? Jelly?"
4. Kill (well, maim at least) with malice aforethough - Approach from behind, apply one meaty paw to the back of his head and slam his face down into his plate of eggs and baked beans, hopefully breaking the nose and maybe the jaw. This might be a little harsh, given the offense... But bad manners really shouldn't be encouraged.

ToastThief happily munched away... I toasted up a replacement for the pilfered slice then went back to my desk to eat, seethe, blog and plot the appropriate response...
I know where the little fuck works.
It may take a few days, but I will educate this little turd.

Or maybe not.
I need to get a really good nights sleep...
Gotta quit "sleeping" with the TV on and the window open. Doesn't promote getting to REM state.


1 comment:

Luc said...

What dis you expect from New Yorkers? Meh

P.S. For any colleagues from the mothership reading this I say frplpllpll :P~~~~