(I was looking for pics of James... I only have one, and I don't think he'd like me to post it here...heh.)
He sent me an e-mail describing a new brew that he encountered on his travels, with an oh-so-lyrical description of the brew (and it's aftereffects) that I felt it needed to be shared...
I'm not sure if I should be complimented by his assertion about my capacity for beer, or insulted by being classified with Russian Coal Miners & African Bull Elephants, but I'll discuss this with him at a later point... Perhaps with a baseball bat or a shillelagh. Or a Chimay....
Please enjoy James' discourse on Big Chouffe...
All -
After finishing the 3rd Big Chouffe of my life last night ( The manly man 1.5 Liter Magnum that is, not the regular La Chouffe - and of course only 1 per sitting as I think that nothing alive could survive 3 in a row except maybe a large Russian Coal Miner, an African Bull Elephant or possibly Jay Young) I am coming to the point of near mystical awe and reverence in regard for this beer - while also preparing for my new life's quest - a pilgrimage to the mecca of beer - Achouffe Belgium - Where I will bow down at the feet of the masters in both homage and praise at their creation of the Big Chouffe.
Achouffe
I owe my discovery of this veritable nectar of the gods to the Michael Jackson of Pennsylvania ( the beer guy, not the fag - Beerhunter ), Brian Sherry, quite possibly the only man I have ever encountered who regularly finds, drinks, rates and passes on
better beer then say ........Michael Jackson, the beer guy, not the fag. He is an endless font of good beers to taste - raise a glass to him as I do while indulging in any new beer with the firm knowledge he has already tried it a year before you even found it.
So, with that said, the "Big Chouffe" is by far the best "drinking for a buzz" beer ever crafted by the fine hand of man. By my recommendation alone - those of you who have never indulged, If you ever have a chance at one of these Magnums - Go for the gold and buy it - then find a day where you can sit down and drink the whole son of bitch in one sitting - hide your car key my friends, hide your car keys.... This is a No Drinking Skirts allowed beer and one that will cull the herd of the light weight beer drinkers in its awesome presence.....
So here is the run down on this near nectar of the gods :
Description : Golden Ale, strong, spicy, lightly hoppy, with evoluting taste. Natural Beer, bottle refermented, unfiltered, not pasteurized and without any additives.
Storage : Store the bottles vertically in a cold place, sheltered from light. The
yeast deposit can either be drunk or left according to taste .
( The storage point is important unless you like beer with yeast floating in it - it still tastes fine but is like OJ with pulp in it, not bad, but not for everyone. So, in case that were to happen to you - always remember - there is nothing in beer that can kill you - even if there is shit floating in it)
As a foot note - and what the fine Crafters of the La Chouffe Brewery have not felt cause to mention a PC warning on their labels - and something they most likely should - are the 2 things that I both curse them and praise them for at once.
1) The Praise : The alcohol content (while posted) is so quick to hit you - that after 1.1/2 Pilsner glasses of this brew - your lit ( Well - I'm lit anyway - I'm kinda small in stature as you all are so kind and quick to remind me of on any sitting). The Chouffe pours out into about - 2 and 1/4 large Pilsner glasses - not the little pussy ones that get thin at the base - but the ones that are like 22 oz and flare out at the top - so after 1.1/2 - I defy anyone to tell me they are not feeling the love and considering calling it quits with an unfinished bottle in front of you - but I, the lowly beer hound that I am , have always felt bad about leaving that extra beer in the bottle - kind of like it needs to get it's chance for glory - so as not to offend the fine crafters of La Chouffe, I prefer to kill the whole bad boy in 1 sitting - To both my pleasure and regret at the same time of course.
2) The Curse : Lo be it to the family member or bystander in the general vicinity of you the next day.......It has become glaringly apparent to me that one, or all, of the evil Brewmeister's at La Chouffe have formed a pact with the Devil himself and have reached into the farthest cesspool of Hell while creating the Malt for this beer. The residual effects of this Ale by far tops the scale in rankest fart gas ever produced. Rotting meat has nothing on this stuff. I surmise that they have even felled the mighty Guinness in the hallowed halls of Fartdom with this brew.
I actually have been forced to literally run from the area I crack off in, it is so bad - all the while praying that no one saw my "exit stage left" and can link
me to the crime. Good lord this beer produces a fetid stench that would give pause to the best proctologist.
Now, If you are like me (and most of you are) and the fart is the endless source of laughter which the Good Lord intended it to be - then you will appreciate this lil story:
While I was driving the kids to school today, I was forced to drop the bomb in the car (completely out of character for me while with my kids of course - NOT ).
So what do I do you ask?? I immediately spring into action - Raising and Locking all windows at light speed and then cranking the heat on full blast on the blower setting - while eagerly waiting in anticipation for the reaction of a 7 yr old and a 4 yr old to my evil plan - but lo to my surprise - the noxious gas seeps up through my zipped jacket - like a warm creeping mustard gas - only to spew from the top of the neck enveloping my head and immediately bringing tears to my eyes (both in laughter and veritable disgust ).
Only then did it spill into the car, bringing forth a splendid chorus of retching and gagging from my kids in mere nano seconds after exodus. Immediately followed by the shouts of "Gross!" and "Daddy you farted!" "Roll the Windows Down!" amongst a flurry of fingers clicking the now useless window controls at their sides ( insert Dr.Evil laugh).
I was almost blinded by the tears of - dare I say delight?? It smelled so bad I felt Satan himself smile in justification with the "atta boy" pat to my back.
So, in summation : If you are looking for that great wife beating buzz, then this is the beer for you. By the end of just one Magnum of Big Chouffe your ready for a "Tootoo" and some ballet slippers.
All I can say in parting is "Serve me up another."
Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be
happy.
~ Benjamin Franklin
Beer :The Cause of, and Solution to, all of Life's
Problems.
~ Homer Simpson
-------------------
Thanks, James.
Famous- Out-
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