For Anna on the Sunny Days ferryboat:
"People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them."
(Anna got pissed with me as she was proselytizing her form of Christianity when I brought up the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and the manifesto thereof.)
Read more about the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Don't confuse your career with your life.
You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
It is suggested that you should never say anything to a woman that even remotely implies that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person.
(This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
Learned while traveling in China:
While travelling the rural areas of third-world countries, you may come across some very primitive toilet situations. To mask unpleasant odors, carry a mentholated chap stick and rub it under your nose before using the facilities.
(This could save your olfactory senses, and perhaps your life.)
Famous, out-
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