End-of-week update.

It's been a busy week for Yours Truly...

I spent the leading edge of the week in New York with DanO from Big Ice and the Usual Suspects from IDS... A couple of the Usual Suspects, anyway. Some of the players were not in attendance at the meetings in Man-Hat-Tan, but overall it was a productive and insightful set o' meetings.


Lower Manhattan skyline as seen from Jersey City. (click for the larger view)

Wednesday had me at the RoundBall HQ in Secaucus... Ran into some old friends there, notably Jeff Pozz from Denver who departed the Pepsi Center with a song in his heart to move to New Joisey to work among the Evil Minions of Dave Munoz...
(Trading Denver for Jersey? What the hell are you thinking, Jeff?)

The trip back to Jacksonville was uneventful, and it only took 38 minutes for my bag to be delivered to the baggage claim in Jax. Things are not improving at Baggage Claim in Jax.

Some sample times from the last few trips...
Newark....13 minutes
Detroit......25 Minutes (Including Customs and Immigration check)
Shanghai...31 Minutes (Ditto)

Can't wait to see how it all goes in Koln next week.

Speaking of Koln, here's a little slice of how events conspire to make my life interesing...
We're doing an NBA gig in Koln Germany starting next week-
("Koln" is "Cologne" for the Constant Readers unfamiliar with the fact that foreigners don't know how to spell the names of their own cities correctly.)
Anyway- I had lined up a statistician to work the games there in Germany...
The guy I contracted is a little outspoken and a tad abrasive, but he's a helluva statistician, and one of the very few that can stat a game virtually alone. Most stats crews are comprised of 4 to 7 guys that are needed to keep up with the action.
Anyway- my guy was all lined up, ready to go, plane tickets purchased, took time off work and everything... Then the word comes down- He isn't permitted to go.
Apparently his outspokenness has alienated someone in The League along the way and he's blacklisted.

Great.
This is exactly the kind of complication that I need in my life.

These occasions, just like during a 13 hour plane trip in Coach class, are the times when I wonder if there is a local gas station that might need need someone to work the register and dip the tanks and make decisions no more complicated than "Fill 'er up?"

--------------------------------------------

Spend most of the day Thursday futzing with Shanghai videowall stuff...
Ken "Redneck" Flanagan is working on some tasty new software that will improve the graphics. We had a nice long operational demo... Looking good.
(Sorry- no pics. Proprietary stuff, eh?)

-----------------------------------------------

Friday.

The IDS Roundtable Group decided (weeks ago) that we were throwing a cookout... We usually do something after the end of the Summer Swing (post-US Open) once a majority of our event staff is back in the office. This year we were throwing it on Friday the 29th.
I volunteered to find a BBQ Grill... SpongeMark Squarehands was able to source a nice big tow-behind-the-car grill that would handle anything short of a full side of beef...
Manny "High Voltage" Lopez and I worked out a deal to split cooking duties-and at around 10:30 I put some fire to the hardwood charcoal and soon had enough heat to start drop-forging horseshoes...
We fed the 60 or so folks in the office from 11:30 to around 2:00...
I grilled up a shitload of dogs and burgers and even whipped up a few Death Dogs... Good ol' high-fat-content Ballpark franks wrapped in bacon and served with a healthy (heh) squirt of cheeze-in-a-can... There are enough nitrates, sodium and preservatives to kill a small horse.
(Actually, the effort eventaully involved the killing of a small horse's *ass*, but that's different blog entry. Stay tuned, film at 11...)

Marco shot some pics during the cookout and circulated this little artistically filtered gem in the company e-mail...

The Jolly Green Giant

You'll be hearing more about Marco- He will be my partner-in-crime in Shanghai this year. He's handling the overhead video wall content at the Tennis Masters Cup, so no doubt he will figure prominently in some blog entries in November.

And Manny's shift at being Grillmaster?
Right... Manny brought some steaks that he threw on one corner of the grill and seared to perfection... the sliced beef was a great addition to the party, as was Redneck's pork shoulder that was also given a little grill time...
All in all, a great Friday at IDS...

Now, if I can just get the grill back to it's rightful owner before they find out it's missing...

------------------------------------

Anyone catch the game last night?
Rutgers is now 5-0...

As P-Squared would say - "Jaegermeister for everybody!!"

What a great game... Even though Rutgers tried to give it away through penalties, they were still able to pull out the win after drawing first blood then trailing behind the USF Bulls at the half...
If they (Scarlet Knnnnnigggits) can keep Leonard and Rice healthy, it will be a great season. (And of course, I will be bombarded with RU rah-rah from the office next door.)

A side note- My drinking buddy from Sauze D'Oulx was one of the sideline reporters for ESPN2... The lovely and talented Tina Dixon.
Seems she's been doing a good bit of NCAA football this season for ESPN...
Nice to see she's getting into more mainstream sports gigs rather than being exiled to the X-games and Dew Tour sports reporting...

--------------------------------------

Saturday had a disturbing start- my phone rang at 5:55AM.
My buddy Pete from Tampa says that when the phone rings that early it's never a good thing.
"Good news sleeps 'til noon." is his comment.

Well, it wasn't bad, but it wasn't good either.
It was Mal (bad, in the latin) from Shanghai, throwing yet another Monkey Wrench in the Tennis Masters Cup works... Details another time, but it will suffice to say it was a situation worthy of a 5:55AM call...


Ok- Hunter's got a soccer game at 9:00 this morning, and I have lots to do before the game...

Famous, out-

Still alive...

...but only marginally.

Got back from Shanghai on Tuesday night... No real issues except for the 5 hour layover in Detroit.

Had the best experience with Customs there...
I went throught the rubber glove test with my bags and equipment, and for once didn't leave feeling like I'd been overly abused or violated.
They did check every nook and cranny in all my bags, dirty laundry and all, but their attitude was the thing that made it less of a burden that it could have been.
The questions were specific but not accusatory, they accepted reasonable explanations, and were very professional about the whole 20 minute ordeal.

Kudos to the Customs and Immigrations guys in Detroit.
(And I did send in a comment card in regards to my experience.)

So- Back in the office on Wednesday to start catching up-
Went to Lunch with Jingalls and Mitch- and wound up with the worst food poisoning I've had since Beijing in 2004.
By 6 Wednesday night I was expelling everything inside me that wasn't original equipment, and by noon the next day I was starting to worry that I was going to need some replacement parts...
My fever broke on Friday afternoon, and on Friday evening I finally was able to eat some rice and toast... It has not been pretty...
For instance, I can tell you the bathroom floor has 273 tiles visible, as I have had multiple opportunities to count them...

Well... I'm back among the living... At least until Monday.
Then I head to New York.

Egads.

Famous!

Road warriors, here's a site for you...

Friends, do you hate air travel?

Do you look for every advantage in booking your seats for those long flights?

Well I have a site for you, then, Champ.

SeatGuru...




Select the airline, then the plane type on the sidebar on the left, and SeatGuru gives you a color-coded diagram of the seats on the plane, complete with roll-over comments regarding the plus and minus of the seat...

This is a great tool used in conjunction with the view/change seat app on most airlines websites...

And it's free, and no registration...
How cool is that?

Famous, out-

Travel Day...

Man, I hate east-to-west travel...

Here it is, 3:30 in the morning, I'm wide awake, and it's travel day.

I have a 10:00am flight out of PuDong which is over an hour's drive, even longer if I go during rush hour. Needless to say, I'll be leaving early.

It's time travel day too... The flight segment leaves Tokyo-NRT at 3:00pm and gets into Detroit at 1:30pm. Neat trick, eh? The bad thing? The 5 hour layover at DTW. The Jax flight is at 7:30pm... Guess who will be sleeping in the bar nearest to the Jax gate?
I can just see that conversation...

Waitress 1: "You go wake him up."
Waitress 2: "Screw you. He's at one of your tables. You wake him."
W1: "No way. I had to mop the floor where he was drooling as he slept. You go get him up."
W2: "Ain't happening. He looks like the kinda guy who flails about and hits people when woken unnecessarily."
W1: "Think we can shoot him from behind the bar with the soda gun?"

Good times... Good times.

Amazing, out.

Testing, Phase 3

Well...
Another day in a warehouse in Shanghai.

We're getting better.
The image is getting better, but we still have a couple hurdles.


This image is shot a bit oblique but believe me- it's better than it was.


Neal (left) and Andy (center) are discussing why we need 8 pieces of hardware to process the signal...


Michelle and Mal supervising our efforts.
(Nice legs, Mal.)

We wrapped about 2:45, laid out our next-steps and I took my equipment back to the hotel, then headed to Xin-Xin Sports to see Charles and the guys for a short chat before leaving.

I took the subway-
As I was getting out near Jing'an there were some guys playing giant bamboo, uh, things. Kind of a cross between and digiridoo and a saxophone.


(Click for a bigger view of the pic)

Well... Onward to more and better stuff...
Gotta get ready to hit the road.

Famous, out-

How NOT to spend a Sunday in Shanghai.

or-
What we have here, is a failure to communicate.
DongTai, Huxinting and the demise of Xiangyang.

I've been on a quest...

One of the requests I got before I came over here was for a couple mooncake boxes...

Never heard of Mooncake?
See this entry from last year in Beijing.

Well... Mom wanted a couple of theses ornate compartmented boxes that folks pack their mooncakes in. We were able to find some in Panjiayuan last year very easily, so I though it would be the same here... I'd just find the local flea market/antique place and check off that task and I'm off to my next item on my to-do list.

Since I'm still time shifted I'm still getting up at 3:30 or 4 in the morning, so by 7:00 I was ready to go. I thought I'd get breakfast down near the market.

I figured I'd find them either over in the Xiangyang market or over in DongTai/Fengbang/DaJing antiques area, so I went to the concierge to get a taxi card. Taxi cards have the hotel name and address on one side and the concierge writes in Chinese destination you want to go to on the other side...
I told the concierge I wanted a card to Xiangyang and he said that it was closed.

Yours Truly: Huh?
Concierge: Yes. Xiangyang closed.
YT: Closed because it's Sunday?
C: No. Market closed. No more.
YT: What's up with that?
C: No up. (Note 1. Don't use slang/jargon with someone when English isn't their primary language.)
YT: What?
C: No up. No more market.
YT: Oh. What happened? (I had a pretty good idea.)
C: Government closed down.
YT: They closed the government too?
C: What? (Note 2. Don't try to be funny with someone when English isn't their primary language.)
YT: Never mind. So, the market is closed.

Basically, this is story: at 9:30 PM, June 30, 2006, all the gates of Xiangyang Market were closed, and no customers were allowed to enter the market from then on. Soon, the buildings was razed and the site is being turned into a retail and office complex.

No more Xiangyang Market in Shanghai. So don't need to waste time to go to the site to try your luck - it is closed, and it is gone.
It is clear message of "NO" to fake goods and products. According to the news, other markets put "No Fake Goods" into the rental contracts and keep close eyes on this issue. Anyway, China has entered the WTO; the Beijing Olympics will be held in 2 years, and the Shanghai World Expo 2010 is just 3 years ahead.
No more screwing around.

Now, if you think this is the end of the "You want watch, DVD Bag?" guys, I have news for you... they are still all over the place, but they aren't concentrated like they were in Xiangyang...

I was bummed... I headed over to the taxi stand.
I showed my taxi card to the taxi dude- they guy who hails the taxis in front of the hotel... This is the same guy who was calling me "Harley Davidson" last year... He saw me when I got here and shouts "Ay ya! Har-re Davisson!"

So... I'm off to Dongtai Lu.

Dongtai is a place with small stalls of antiques along a narrow road...
Pics from last year...




Thought I'd find those boxes easily, but alas, it was not to be.
I walked up and down the streets, peeking and poking around, but never found a box store. I found lots of ornate little chests and small wood boxes, but not the type I was looking for.

I saw a woman carrying 2 small boxes of the same type I was looking for.

I tapped her on the shoulder to ask her where she got the boxes.
(I thought she was a shopkeeper... oops.)
She stopped, looked up at me panic-stricken...
I pointed at the box then around the market.
"Where did you get these?" I asked.
Ok... Maybe this wasn't the best plan.
Let's set the scene...
A woman has purchased 2 gifts for someone in the market, and is scurrying off to wherever she lives. A huge ogre accosts her in the street, pointing at her gifts and gesturing all over the place and babbling at her.
This, of course, is a recipe for trouble...
I can see her building up for a good scream. This is going to go bad, I can tell.
Another woman shopping sees the trouble and comes to our collective rescue...the rescuer explains my question, the other woman says she doesn't know and hurries off with many backward glances to make sure she isn't being persued by the monster.

I wandered the markets until around 1, then got some lunch.

Kind of by accident I found the Huxinting Shanghai Teahouse...

You will note, just like in the Forbidden City in Beijing,
the ubiquitous Starbucks in the square behind the teahouse.

It's near Yuyuan Gardens near the Dajing jewelry area.
At one time the Huxinting Teahouse was a very prestigious place for business; Now it is a tourist trap of the highest order- I hear the tea is average at best... You'll see very few locals there now, except ones accompanying Westerners who are looking for an old-Shanghai experience.
They'd be better off going to Gu Yuan on Fuxing Lu for a more authentic time...

I went over to the Cybermart and shopped around a bit, then headed back to the Mayfair.

I got in about 3:30 and they were just starting to clean my room...Lovely.

I sat in the lobby bar and had a drink with 2 airline pilots- they got to listen to me ranting about airlines and airports... I got to listen to them rant about passengers and flight attendants...
We both ranted about the TSA. Glad to hear they are as disgusted as I am with the whole process...

Oh well...

More videowall testing today...

Fingers crossed. I'm going over to the temple over in Zhongshan park and burning some incense, maybe influence the local deities in our favor for this test.

I'll let you know.

Amazing out-

Studio 188 Shindig

The Studio 188 gig was a private party here in Shanghai.
It was at a big house over in Michael's neighborhood...

Mighty Zhou picked me up at the Mayfair at 9:00, then we got Mal ("bad" in the Latin, as I keep telling him...) and we hit Michaels house right at 10:00am.
We broke down all the equipment in the garage and loaded it into Zhou & Michael's vehicles and drove them the 300 yards to the house where the party was being held.


Studio 188 - Soundcheck. Yo! Michael! More Cowbell!

Why "Studio 188"? you might ask...
Well... it's a garage band. And the address of the garage is 188...
Simple, no? (Don't ask the street name...)



Michael and the youngest (provisional) member of Studio 188
singing "Day Tripper" during the sound check.



First set- the guys rocking out on Seger's "Old time Rock and Roll"



The girls dancing to Van Morrison's "Brown Eyed Girl"...



The boys playing "Come Together"...
Alex, Mal, Michael, Carl and Adrian.
Not pictured - Jay (the Original Jay) and Clive

I met some nice folks at the party- the guest of honor- Jim Rice and his family...
Some of the folks from Xin Xin Sports were there, Mal's wife Michelle and his daughter. Michael's wife and his two children were there- Leo and his better half, Neal (Neil?) and his significant other... Christina, one of the court services girls from last year was there with
her father...
I also met (again, appearently) Ralph and Karen, the proprieters of The Thirsty Monk...
Really nice folks...
I had a great evening at The Monk last year when Studio 188 played their first public gig. I was here testing with the original video cube guys and coincidentally they were playing one evenig that I was there.
If you visit Shanghai and you want a change from the downtown bars that try to cater to ExPats, give The Monk a shot... Definitely worth the 60 or so RMB to get out there.

The Thirsty Monk...Website and map.

The gig wrapped about 8:00...
I got a ride back to the Mayfair- about a 30 minute taxi ride. Not too bad...
On the way back I saw this...

Pretty scary, eh?
Know what was more scary?
The bees that were pollinating that thing...

Wow.

Famous, Out-

Testing testing...1...2...3...

Oh boy...

So... Here's the deal.

I'm testing some new video cubes here in Shanghai...


Last year's video cubes - from across the court.


The is the first test result from Thursday afternoon
after a full day of futzing with hardware...


And this is Friday's results. Not really great, but
better than our first effort.

We have a new hardware suite coming in on Monday.
So, one more day to get things tested and get the
image crisp and clear...

Will it happen? Man, I hope so. I don't think I could
take another 26 hour trip over here between now and
November to do more testing.

So... Studio 188 is playing today.

I get to be a roadie... Oh boy...

"Yeah, I'm with the band."

Famous out-

Wish me luck-

Well, Constant Readers-

I'm off to Shanghai.

Again.

Watch this space for the inevitable rant against the TSA, Detroit Airport, Tokyo-Narita, Pudong, Shanghai taxis, and the hookers at the Mayfair hotel...

I have this feeling this week is gonna be a winner...

TTFN

Amazing- out

What the hell...?

Pick a caption...or write your own.



Drying rack for ballerina skins?

I've heard of boneless chicken, but...

Costume department at Ballerinas-R-Us?

Do you have a size three hanging on the rack?

Amazing out-

Upcoming Events

You know, I was checking my calendar to see what was in store for the next few weeks and I see where International Talk-Like-A-Pirate Day is coming on September 19th.

Seeing as I will be aboard an international flight, and talkin' all "Arrrg me hearties, avast an' put a mizzen in me hornswaggle" would be a good way to ensure a visit with my good friends at the TSA and their assortment of x-ray machines, gas chromatographs and rubber gloves, I'll just have to forgo the festivities until another time.

You, however, must participate.
Yes, Constant Readers, you must go forth and get your Pirate Name, dig the nomenclature and the vernacular and otherwise carry the flag. Wear your eyepatch, peg your leg, and shiver your timbers; you only get to do it once a year, so make hay while the sun shines, hearties.

SpongeMark Squarehands will have a handle of Captain Morgan at his desk for anyone needing a bit o' Grog to help get all you landlubbers into the futtock shrouds, so pay 'im a visit and get a nip so's you can release your Inner Buccaneer.

Some jargon and other helpful stuff:

Pirate lingo is rich and complicated, sort of like a good stew or three-day sinus infection.
Takes years to become proficient...But if you just want a quick fix, a surface gloss, a "pirate patina," if you will, here are the basics that you cannot live without. Master them, and you can face Talk-Like-A-Pirate Day with a smile on your face and a parrot on your shoulder, if that's your thing.

Ahoy! - "Hello!" or perhaps "Yo. What up, Dog?"

Avast! - Stop and give attention. It can be used in a sense of surprise, "Whoa! Get a load of that!" which today makes it more of a "Check it out" or "No way!" or "Get out!"

Aye! - "Why yes, I agree most heartily with everything you just said or did."

Aye aye! - "I'm on it!"
(or if you are working an IDS event "I'll get right on that sir, as soon as I finish these other five things you've asked me to do.")

Arrr! - This one is often confused with arrrgh, which is of course the sound you make when you sit on a belaying pin. "Arrr!" can mean, variously, "yes", "I agree", "I'm happy", "I'm enjoying this beer", "I saw that television show, it sucked!" and "That was a clever remark you or I just made." And those are just a few of the myriad possibilities of Arrr!

(TBG's Note to the Event Minions and Dingo, JVW & SMSH especially: "Arrr!" is not to be confused with "Grrrar!" Enough said.)

Beauty – The best possible pirate address for a woman. Always preceded by “me,” as in, “C’mere, me beauty,” or even, “me buxom beauty,” to one particularly well endowed. You’ll be surprised how effective this is.

Bilge rat – The bilge is the lowest level of the ship. It’s loaded with ballast, slimy, reeking water and Marketing types. A bilge rat, then, is a rat that lives in the worst place on the ship.
Since bilge rat is a pretty dirty thing to call someone, by all means use it on your friends.

Bung hole – Victuals on a ship were stored in wooden casks. The stopper in the barrel is called the bung, and the hole is called the bung hole. That’s all. It sounds a lot worse, doesn’t it?
Possible usage: When dinner is served you’ll make quite an impression when you say, “Well, me hearties, let’s see what crawled out of the bung hole.” That statement will be instantly followed by the sound of people putting down their utensils and pushing themselves away from the table. Great! More for you!

Grog – An alcoholic drink, usually rum diluted with water or beer, but in this context you could use it to refer to any alcoholic beverage other than beer, and we aren’t prepared to be picky about that, either. Call your beer grog if you want. We won’t stop you! Water aboard ship was stored for long periods in slimy wooden barrels, so you can see why rum was added to each sailor’s water ration – to kill the rancid taste.

Hornpipe – Both a single-reeded musical instrument sailors often had aboard ship, and a spirited dance that sailors do.
I'm not a big fan of the capering, it’s not my favorite art form, if you will, so I don’t have a lot to say on the subject, other than to observe that the common term for being filled with lust is “horny,” and hornpipe then has some comical possibilities. “Is that a hornpipe in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me? Or both?”

Lubber – (or land lubber) This is the seaman’s version of land lover, mangled by typical pirate disregard for elocution. A lubber is someone who does not go to sea, who stays on the land.
More likely than not, you are a lubber 364 days of the year. But not if you’re talking like a pirate! Then the word lubber becomes one of the more fierce weapons in your arsenal of piratical lingo. In a room where everyone is talking like pirates, lubber is ALWAYS an insult.

Smartly – Do something quickly. “Smartly, me lass,” you might say when sending the bar maid off for another round. She will be so impressed she might well spit in your beer. Mmmm....


In the interest of those who will be out carousing and/or wenching on Sept 19th:
Top Ten Pickup lines for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day

10. Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?

9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?

8. Come on up and see me urchins.

7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.

6. I'd love to drop anchor in your lagoon.

5. Pardon me, but would ya mind if fired me cannon through your porthole?

4. How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?

3. Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.

2. Well blow me down?

And the number one pickup line for use on International Talk-Like-A-Pirate Day is...

1. Avast! Prepare to be boarded!


Bonus pickup lines (when the ones above don't work, as they often won't)

Wanna shiver me timbers?

I’ve sailed the seven seas, and you’re the sleekest schooner I’ve ever sighted.

Brwaack! Polly want a cracker? … Oh, wait. That’s for Talk Like a PARROT Day.

That’s the finest booty I’ve ever laid eyes on.

Let's get together and haul some keel.

That’s some treasure chest you’ve got there.


And in the interest of equal time for the wenches out there:

Top Ten Pickup Lines for the Lady Pirates

10. What are YOU doing here?

9. Is that a belayin' pin in yer britches, or are ye ... (this one is never completed)

8. Come show me how ye bury yer treasure, lad!

7. So, tell me, why do they call ye, "Cap'n Feathersword?"

6. That's quite a cutlass ye got thar, what ye need is a good scabbard!

5. Aye, I guarantee ye, I've had a twenty percent decrease in me "lice ratio!"

4. I've crushed seventeen men's skulls between me thighs!

3. C'mon, lad, shiver me timbers!

2. RAMMING SPEED!

...and the number one Female Pirate Pick-up Line:

1. You. Pants Off. Now!


Here endeth the lesson.

Go forth- plunder, pillage, etc,
and remember- the Poop Deck the raised area near the stern of the ship.
The place you're looking for the called the "Head".

Famous, Arrr!

Star Trek Humor

A friend who I met 25 years ago (man, has it been that long?) when I first moved here to Jacksonville recently sent me a funny that I just have to share...
Thanks Greg-

-------

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech, and walked out into the lobby where he met President Bush.

They shook hands, and as they walked the Iranian said, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America.

President Bush said, "Well, anything I can do to help you, I will."

The Iranian whispered "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there is Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, and Sulu who is Chinese, but no Arabs. My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians on Star Trek."

President Bush laughed, leaned toward the Iranian ambassador, and whispered back, "It's because it takes place in the future."

-------

Wow.

Famous, out-

Quit trying to be helpful.

Hey Google-

Knock it off,.
You're making me crazy with your suggestions, and making yourself look bad with the inane attempts at predictive marketing.



Now, the more astute of the Constant Readers out there might be pondering why the keyword "nuns" is one of my early-morning search topics.

Well... Ponder away.

I'll share the funny stuff with you, but only a limited amount of the wierd, twisted and perverted slice of my id/ego.
Even if I did tell you, trust me on this, you'd wish I hadn't.

Famous! Out-

Mini Cooper on a ski jump

If you have 10 minutes to waste on something funny,
watch this video on YouTube.com...

Mini Ski Jump

These guys on UK's Top Gear remind me of some wannabe Mythbusters...

Famous out-

Screamer removed from plane.

Uncontrollable child pulled from flight.


Now if they could just do this with the parents and idiots who insist on chatting when I have my face buried in my "don't-bug-me" paperback.

Famous out-

Errata

Save the Crab


Gil, the crab from the Honda Element commercials (of which I am a fan for obvious reasons) has gone and done it...
He was arrested recently for...well... indiscriminate pinching.
(Truth be told, we all enjoy the occasional pinch, but you have to be careful in California...)

Read about it on The Smoking Gun website...

Also, sign the petition to get Gil back in good graces with the folks at Honda...



And if you are so inclined, visit Gil's Myspace site...
(Geez- I guess *everyone* has a myspace.com site these days.)


Let's see, what else do we have piling up in the
'To be Blogged' file...

Ah...
During a recent trip to Philadelphia I came across this place...


Why the hell is Harry so damn happy? He's been dipping into the inventory, obviously.

Hmmmm...

Doesn't this ad campaign smack you as being a little racist?

I'm just saying...

And speaking of subliminal...

This is one of the designs for the 2008 Olympic Stadium in Beijing...

Rather an overtly feminine design, doncha think?

Amazing, out-

Political Incorrectness in Outer Space

Pluto the planet, 76, died Thursday in Prague, Czech Republic, when it was killed by the International Astronomical Union -- separated from the eight "classical planets" and lumped in with two similarly sized "dwarf planets."

In 1930, a private astronomer, Clyde Tombaugh, discovered the frozen mass and designated it Planet X. It soon orbited into the stratosphere's most exclusive club as the ninth planet. An English schoolgirl, Venetia Burney, 11, named the newest planet Pluto after the mythological lord of the underworld.
(Well, in the Roman pantheon, anyway- they were just ripping off the Greeks anyway...)



Then Disney names his lamest character after Pluto. Starring in such gay-porn sounding cartoon classics as Bone Trouble, T-Bone for Two, Squatter's Rights, Bone Bandit and In Dutch (I'm not making these titles up, people!), Pluto is the stupid dog of Disney's pantheon of retarded animals. That's right, the smart one is Goofy... Goofy. Go figure.

So now all of the pointy-headed geeks have decided to revoke Pluto's full-planet status. We are now to refer to it as a "dwarf planet," which incidently seems quite crass and politcally incorrect. Haven't we hurt Pluto enough already? Do we have to relegate the poor rock to the back of the bus?

So who makes out on this change in status? The International Astronomical Union gets 5 minutes of fame for voting Pluto off of the solar system. Text book publishers will make a few greenbacks selling updated school books. Evangelistic bible-beaters will use this news as proof that scientists don't know what they hell they're talking about. Pastafarians will yammer about Pluto being "touched by His noodly appendage". Otherwise, at the end of the day it just doesn't make a bit of difference, does it?

Now I guess we stop calling Austrailia a continent...
No offense to Oz, but using the IAU's oh-so-logical arguments, it's just a frigging island after all.

Amazing, Out-

Grrar!

Family resemblance?




Amazing, grrar.

Air Travel - 2010

Let's take a trip into the future, shall we?

Sherman, set the Wayback Machine- August 20, 2010.

My flight out of Jacksonville is a 7:10 AM to Newark.
So, to be at the Air Travel Screening Facility the required 3 hours before flight time, I have to leave my home at 3:10 AM...
I arrive at the JIA Perimiter Screening checkpoint at 3:40 and it takes me 15 minutes for the inspection of my car, and once it is pronounced "clean", I can then drive to the ATSF secure parking facility. My car is sealed in plastic for the duration of my trip- so no one can siphon the gas and make a molotov cocktail that might be used against the ATSF. We're still 4 miles from the airport, so that risk is not present.

I enter the Air Travel Screening Facility and begin the ritual-
I'm assigned a changing/screening cubical number and time, stall 145, 3 minutes at 4:17.
At 4:15 I get my travel smock and take up my positon at stall 145.
The door opens at precisely 4:17 and I jump in with my bag and smock and as the door starts closing, I hurridly remove all clothing and put it in my bag, and put on the travel smock and booties.

(The travel smocks are a paper-based gown, not unlike the dressing gowns found in hospitals... They are paper based because back about 6 months ago, some random TSA Internet-scanner agent program found a discussion on some nameless Internet forum that discussed the possibility of using the cloth-based smock as a weapon to choke another passenger or one of the flight crew- Even though it was just conjecture, Homeland Security's Dynamic Threat Department decided to issue a mandate to make the travel smocks out of paper so they would tear before they could bring enough pressure in a garrote-style attack.)

So- now properly garbed for my flight, the puffer goes off- and all manner of particulates are aerosolized and are sucked into the scanner and analyzed for trace nitrates and other elements that may or may not be on the do-not-pass list.

(A couple weeks ago, I was detained for traces of nitrates while leaving Dallas. It took several hours for the TSA to verify that I had actually been working at the golf tournament and that our offices were back near the groundskeepers area, where we had to walk through the path the fertilizer spreader traveled every day. They finally cleared me to travel after they secured signed affadavits from the tournament, our corporate office, and the local TSA investigative offices in Jacksonville and Dallas that I hadn't been reported for "suspicious activities" in the previous 18 months.)

Once screened- the inner door to Level 2 of the ATSF opened and it was on to the next part of travel screening- interrogation.
I was grilled for 30 minutes on where I had traveled in the last 6 months, any issues that had occured during that travel, with special attention to the previously-mentioned incident. They brought up my last 6 months of travel, cross-referenced it with passenger lists from the flights, examined the upcoming flight manifest... No overt pairings or coincidences...
They grilled me on any connection to any recent terror incidents, and also reviewed my last 6 months of Internet use... (One of the reasons I quit keeping my Weblog in 2008.)

The seemed oddly interested in the time is spent logged into www.zhongwen.com- a Chinese language site that I use for pinyin translation of contracts on some of my events... They finally decided that is was OK since they found the permission notations in my "upcoming travel" dossier for my trips to Shanghai in November.
(I guess it doesn't matter that I make this trip every year...they always get bunged up on anything China-related since the Yellow Menace bio-scare 2 years ago.)
They finally realease me to Stage Three- X-ray and Search...
The baggage screeners take my bag and run it through an x-ray scanner, then through a gas chromatograph screener. When it doesn't trip any alarms, it is taken off to wherever bags go until we get them back on the other end of the travel segment.
(No one really knows- the TSA keeps that secret so the Terrorists can't use the information to plan an attack... As far as anyone knows they could be on the same plane as the owner, or they might be going as part of a cargo flight or taking two or three flights before getting to their destination. The TSA only guarantees that you will get your bags sometime within 24 hours of arriving in your destination city, hence the large number of clothing stores and drugstores built near the ATSF in each city, for those who are too impaitent to wait for their luggage.)
I get my x-ray and of course they don't find anything- and then I spend 15 minutes signing all the releases, waivers, and the 22 other pages of paperwork required of today's air travelers.

I finally get to the first step of real "travel" now... more than an hour after arriving at the ATSF... I am assigned to my seat.
All the Newark passengers are taken to departure lounge 21R, where there are several rows of seats. We all shuffle in in our travel smocks and take a seat. There is a short delay af the TSA is performing a deep-background investigation of anyone who was scheduled for this flight but didn't check in by the appropriate time...
Once all missing travelers are accounted for and their cancellation fines are levied, we are cleared for travel. We all get fingerprinted and retina scanned for one last ID check...
I hear the DNA insta-scanners are nearing certification, so we'll have that to look forward to in the next year or so... When that happens, if you have any DNA tags in common with anyone in the do-not-fly registry, be prepared for even more invasive scrutiny.
(And word around the Internet is that if you have anyone in your family with any history of mental illness, you'll wind up on the same list for close inspection.)
The TSA medics apply the general anesthetic and once we are under, we are strapped in and the seats are taken by tram to the aircraft and loaded into the plane. The seats are in six-seat modules and it takes about 5 minutes to load the 20 seat modules on the loader racks and in less than 10 minutes all 120 Newark passengers are on and the flight is ready to go.
After several more scares in 2008 and 2009, the TSA decided the only way to make travel safe was for all passengers to be under sedation. The mandate was issued.
"Don't like it?", people were told, "Drive your car to LA. Take a train or a bus."
(Trains and buses aren't much better- but at least you aren't knocked out for the duration.)

The flight crew is released from quarantine and take their positions for the trip and since the passengers are all asleep, there are no more flight attendants- The most welcome change (at least to the airline industry) since the time the TSA mandated the cessation of all food and beverage service. At that point, the Flight Attendants only duty was the safety briefing, but now since all air travelers must be unconscious, they are considered superfluous, and the airlines laid them all off.
(A bill was drafted and passed that let the airlines terminate their employment without severance, COBRA, unemployment, or pension. A little-know feature of the Patriot Act made it possible to pull that off "in the interest of public safety". Personally, I think the next airliner that goes down will be at the hands of a disgruntled ex-Flight Attendant.

So... all 120 sleepers are whisked off to Newark- a 2 hour flight, and once the plane is at the gate at 9:15, the seating units are dismounted and we are taken to the Recovery Area in the Newark ATSF and we are given a stimulant and we wake up...
As we come to our senses, our AirTrav ID numbers pop up on the information screen for baggage claim- My number T933, shows 10:22am, claim 20.
Only an hour... I have some time built into my schedule, so I can wait for my bag... Someone is cussing up a storm... G34223 shows 4:43 pm. Boy, it must suck not being Platinum Level.

I get my bag at 10:30 and I'm dressed and out of the Newark ATSF and heading for my noon meeting... And just think- I get to go through all this again 2 days from now.

I'm getting too old for this crap.

Ok Sherman- Set the Wayback. Get us back to 2006. Let's enjoy the trip while we can.

Famous.

Letters..... DHS / TSA

Letters to people or organizations that are unlikely to respond, Number 3:


Dear Department of Homeland Security, Transportation Security Administration:

Given the most recent case of over-reaction: "no liquids"...

Please. Give me a break.

Let me get this straight- I can't take on-board a bottle of water I purchased IN THE AIRPORT, (presumably screened BEFORE if got to the kiosk or newsstand), little skippy can't have his juice box, no toothpaste, makeup or contact lens solution...
But it is OK for Kandy the Stripper to wear her giant gel/silicone/saline implants and carry a 4 ounce bottle or tube of KY Jelly, or Tiffany can wear her gel-filled bra, and The Old Geezer can have his gel-filled wheelchair cushion.

Anytime you bend, break, or fail to apply a "safety procedure" across the board, you put everyone at risk.
Stop being so hypocritical, you happy assholes.

Oh yeah... one more thing- carefully read the notices in the airport- the notices read:
"Passengers are prohibited..."
Doesn't apply to flight crews or flight attendants.
How does that work?

What are y'all going to over-react to next?
How long is it until we are prohibited from having a carry-on of any sort?
Or perhaps even more draconian measure are implemented...

Sincerely-

TBG

Famous, out-

Letters... Avis Rental Cars

Letters to people or organizations that are unlikely to respond, Number 2:

Tuesday Aug 22, 2006

Dear Avis,
I appreciate the fact that you are trying to cut costs, and thus save me money, by employing illegal immigrants.
How do I know this?

Well, I can only assume you are using Oompa-Loompas to do your car cleaning and maintenance, including driving them to the pick-up area on the rental lot-
EVERY time in the last year I have rented a car from you, I expect to be able to get in the car, turn the key and go- and I find the seat is moved so far forward and jacked up so high that I can't even get in the car- in a couple cases the Oompa Loompa also dropped the adjustable steering column down so low that, between the seat position and elevation and the wheel position, I think it must have taken two or three of them to drive it into position...

Do me a favor- have them leave the seats and the steering in a neutral position...just enough room for me to get in...
Is that too much to ask?

Respectfully Yours-

TBG

Amazing, out- (outside, that is... On my knees, trying to adjust the seat so I can get in the car)

Letters... Jacksonville International Airport

Letters to people or organizations that are unlikely to respond, Number 1:

Tuesday Aug 22, 2006

Dear Jacksonville International Airport,
Remember the other night when I got in from Vegas? It took you guys 45 minutes to get the bags to the baggage claim carousel?
And a week ago when I came back from Montreal? 21 minutes- and of course my bag, the one labeled "Priority Handling" by Continental, was the second-to-last bag on the belt...

Take a lesson from Denver.
Timeline:

The plane hit the jetway at 12:07.
I was off by 12:09.
Walked down the concourse and took the tram to the main terminal and baggage claim.
I arrived at baggage claim at 12:16...
My bag was the third one out the chute at 12:18... total time: 9 minutes.

And I'll wager the distance from the plane to the baggage claim is more than twice what it is in Jacksonville...

Sincerely,

TBG

(Addendum Wed Aug 23-
Off the plane at 10:29, my bag is number 42, at 10:56. 27 minutes- No suprise. I guess that Continental Airlines "priority handling" tag is just there for decoration.)

Amazing, out- (at baggage claim, still waiting for my bags)

Need to be careful in China this year...

From The Register

China bans strippers at funerals

So... I guess I won't be attending any funerals in Shanghai this year.

Guess I'll stick with drinking and hanging out in karaoke bars.

Famous, out-

Welcome to Irony, population: Me

I got a paper cut opening a band-aid wrapper.

Famous, (bleeding) out-

Montreal - City of One Thousand Saints

Montreal-

I've traveled quite a bit, as most Constsant Readers know, and I have to tell you the Montreal ranks pretty high in The Big Guy's City Index.

Curiously, I have found Toronto to be fairly bland, but Vancouver is probably my favorite city in North America. Not really sure why I like Canadian cities above US metropoli, but there it is.
(Don't get you knickers in a twist about *your* city. You need to pay a visit to the Jewel of British Columbia to really appreciate it.)

Now on this trip, I'm finding Montreal to be a place with charm, history, culture and ambiance.
Not that I'm really getting to immerse myself in the culture and charms of the city, but in traveling about the city you can get a taste of the style, the flair. Hopefully I will get to spend more time here on a subsequent trip to really get a full taste of the city.

Getting here was a chore... I had a ton o' crap to do on my 2 days in the office and it spilled over into Wednesday AM. I got to the airport right at 1 hour before flight time. Alas- No upgrade on the flight. I was bummed.
I did relish the full-size aircraft for a little while- knowing that I would be flying the hated Embraer 145 between Newark and Montreal.
The real blemish on the travel was The Man and his two-year-old daughter who sat next to me.
Initially, it was the man and his wife, each with a child in the lap. Five of us in the three-across seats in coach... The flight attendant came by and said they couldn't sit that way- not enough oxygen masks if there were to be a problem so Mom and the youngest youngun were moved a couple rows upstream. (Lucky lady. Saved her a ton of embarrasment.)
Dad had the window seat, and The Little Miss had the center seat- Everything was hunky-dory until it was time to put on the seat belt...
Little Miss I-Don't-Wanna pitched a complete pedal-to-the-metal conniption fit, complete with the kicking and the screaming and the ear-splitting squeals that had the passengers in the two rows fore and aft of us bleeding from the ears.
This child went completely ape-shit, and nothing Dad could do would pacify the critter. If was as if the mere suggestion of strapping-in flipped some cranial synapse- and she kept going and going and going until her batteries ran down. She screamed for a solid hour, by the end of which Dad was a frazzle and I was completely deaf in my left ear. My left arm was also having muscle spasms from being constantly tensed against the kicking that Miss Sunshine was doing... Had I had my ubiquitous roll of duct tape, I would have used it... Probably with Dad's help.
In case you are wondering, Mom never turned around... Never acknowledged our presence. I'm sure she was thinking her stars that she was away from the scene of the carnage.

Things weren't over when her batteries wore down, either. When we started our descent into the Newark airport, she was unable to clear her ears, so we were back with the screaming and the kicking... The little girl was kicking and screaming too...
Compared to that flight, the 56 minutes on the EJ145 between Newark and Montreal was heaven.

So much for The Travel Experience...

In Montreal, the real fun began.

We'd been running all-out since Thursday morning...

Jon Hart and I arrived at 6:50 in the morning, and our crane and riggers arrived at 7:00. As we looked at the site, my apprehention began to grow...
Our "crane" was a boom truck that at full extention couldn't lift one row of modules, let alone the full sized wall...


Then we had "issues" with ad panels, equipment locations, the size of the bolt holes for attaching the 4000lb video wall to the hanging structure...


Oh, we didn't just have issues, we had a whole subscription.
We finally got a real crane around 2:00, and in the midst of a cold rain, we were able to get the show on the road.


Hard to move the cases when the wheels aren't "wheels" any more...


Looks like the lid for that case is a bit off-center. Has *nothing* to do with the 600 pounds of video modules stacked on it.


4000lbs of flying hardware, with the reletive aerodynamics of a set of car keys.


Ready to lift off...


Did I mention the wind was really screaming as we were flying the walls?

Well...
We got the walls up on Thursday, and on Friday morning we concentrated on cabling and rigging said cables, then placing the processors and power distributors.
Lastly we dealt with rigging signal cables from our broadcast location to the processors...

That finished for the day, we hit the road and had dinner with the boys from Hawkeye- my friends from Newport, John and Chris, and two others, Raz and another Chris.
After an interesting sushi dinner at a take-out sushi place near McGill University, we wound up in a pub near the Fairmont...

Raz & Chris


Chris, Chris & John


And of course, Jon & Jennifer

Good times...Good times...

Saturday AM was videowall time to fine-tune our display of the signal and picture appearance-

A big shout-out to Ken "Redneck" Flanagan who provided tech support from a counter seat at a Waffle House in North Carolina, having a good ol' Southern breakfast while I swapped cables and tickled the switches on the Folsum and the processor on the Toshiba until we had a pretty picture.
(Bear in mind that I went to the site early, foregoing breakfast in hopes of getting the videowall tuned before 10:00- So I could barely hear his coaching over my stomach rumbling... And it didn't help to hear his running commentary about the fine Awful House food... ("It's an 'Awful House'" he told me "it was a Waffle House, but the W is missing from the sign.")
Joh and I spent the rest of the day in "cleanup" mode, moving empty cases, dressing cables, organizing the operations space, etc and headed out just after play was over for the day...
It is the rare day when you can leave a tennis event while the sun is still in the sky.
The Hawkeye guys were making a late night of it, they needed to do a night-time calibration of their hardware, so they stuck around after we left.

Bill "The Tennis Machine" Mitchell arrived that evening- We wound up at a pizza joint on University Avenue... Tasty stuff. We all walked around a bunch after that- Just people watching on Saint Catherine St. and avoiding the strip club barkers..
"C'mon in, and let the sin begin!"
"This is the place you can grab some titty!"
and the classic-
"It's like Disneyland for your hands!"

Wow.

Needless to say, with Jenny Mac along, we kept our evening "PG rated".

Sunday involved getting Bill and his equipment situated, and doing more site organization.
It was my last day on-site so I was trying to get as much done to help get things situated for the event day-to-day stuff, and to give Jon a headstart with breakdown.
We moved some more cases and did a few more housekeeping chores, then we were in a holding pattern until the TV crews were in and did their setup...


Hey Event Staffers- Anyone recognize these gray cases hiding on the site?"

Sunday PM I got a chance to get re-acquainted with a loyal listen2unclejay.com reader, Luc from Montreal- he and his family were on-site at the tennis centre- a long-time family tradition. I had met Luc nine years ago...(Wow. Nine years.) We were both in Pittsburgh for then NHL draft in 1997... Luc runs the Big Iron - the IBM Mainframes- for the NHL. Somehow, Luc and Dan-O and P-Squared were talking about my website a few months ago and Luc has been looking in now and again...


Luc & his peeps in the stands. Just my luck that he turned around as I shot the pic.
We shot the breeze on the upper deck of the centre court for a little while, until some folks started shooting us dirty looks for talking during play...
Luc and I will be crossing paths (and maybe swords) as our NHL project progresses later this year...

There were only 4 matches on Centre Court, so we were out before sundown again on Sunday, and after a bit of rest and a couple asprin we headed out.

We wound up in a bar called "Les 3 Brasseurs" for dinner- it's a microbrewery on St. Catherine St... They have some great beers- Jon was downing the Blonde ale like it was water- I was drinking with The Captain, and after one Captain and Coke, Bill switched to plain ol' Coke, as he mistakenly wore his "drinking skirt" out that evening...
They have a pseudo-pizza thing called "les flamms"... Tasty tasty...
And watch out for their "Meter of Beer" - 10 1/2 pint glasses of beer on a long wood rack.
Check out the menu on their website... Good stuff.
Yet another good time was had by all...

I retired from the field early- My flight was at 6:40 the following morning- so I was needing to leave the hotel between 4:15 and 4:30- I didn't know what the conditions at the airport were going to be like, given the latest brouhaha over in the UK.

I packed my bags and cleaned out my backpack so there was nothing that would catch the eye of the security screeners or the Customs dudes...
I got a reasonably good night sleep and only said 4 or 5 dirty words when the alarm went off at 4:00.
AM.
In the morning.
(I have GOT to quit taking morning flights.)

The trip to Jax was uneventful- the 50 minute flight from YUL to EWR was a EJR145 and I was able to grit my teeth and bear it... The EWR to JAX was a 737, and I got my upgrade- nice... except no food. Odd- they usually serve something on the moring flights. Oh well...
Not like missing a meal or two is going to hurt me, eh?

Prepping now for a trip to Denver at the end of this week with Dan-O...

Denver...
Rodizio Grill... LoDo... The Cheshire Cat in Arvada...

Hmmm...

Could be trouble...


Famous, out-

Church

And people ask me why I don't go to church...

One Sunday morning, Fr. Flores noticed little Patrick standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names with small American flags mounted on either side of it.

The seven year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the Priest walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, “Good morning, Patrick.”

“Good morning, Father,” the boy replied, still focused on the plaque. Then he asked, “Father, what is this?”

The priest said, “Well, son, it’s a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.”

Soberly they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Patrick’s voice, barely audible and trembling with fear, asked:

“Which service: the 8:30 or the 11:00?”

----

Says it all, I think.

Amazing, out-

Watch out, Montreal...

TBG is on the way.

Lock up the wimmin & chilluns, and hide the farm animals.

Rogers Cup tennis will never be the same.


(Luc, this warning is especially for you.)

Amazing out-

A Week in Vegas

Well...
Orange County to Jacksonville to Vegas and back to Jax Again.

Las Vegas...
Bright lights. Free booze. Basketball.

Let's set the scene for Las Vegas, shall we?

I'll hit the important points and some words to live by...

Breakdown of the WTT Finals in Newport Beach, California was less than fun.
(To put it mildly, it was a monumental pain in the ass...)
It was a long, hot afternoon in the California sun, and after it was over, the Newport staff took off for the post-party with promises of "We'll be back in an hour to help you load the scoreboards into the shipping case..."
Note: Scoreboards are 8'long and weigh 400+lbs. It took six of us to wrestle them into place.

Lessons learned:
At the end of a long event, make sure the event staff on-site commit to helping with the breakdown of equipment, no matter what time it is. Don't let them leave before the job is finished.

Breakdown started about 5:30 in the afternoon; I had pulled all my cables, tarps, radar displays, and scoring systems and loaded it all into shipping crates. It had taken about two and a half hours- now it was just a waiting game... I figured the Newport Guys would be along shortly, ready and refreshed.
Ha!
At about 8:00 I couldn't wait any more and shanghaied the Hawkeye guys, Chris Perry and John Mason, to help me with the boards... It about killed them, but we muscled the boards up to the ground level and got them into the shipping case.
Around the time I had finally put the final seals on the last shipping case and stacked it all for pickup, the Newport Guys showed up. Thouroughly buzzed.

"Well... Y'all ready for your workout? We need to move the scoreboards off the court." I told them.
"What? Now? You're kidding! We can't do it now..." they whined.
"Oh no... You said you'd be back to help-"
"But...but...what about in the morning?" they pleaded.
"Oh no. I have a flight to Florida in the morning. Do you have work gloves? These things will tear up your hands without gloves..." I told them, pushing them toward the center court.
They were about to cry...

I let them off the hook.
"Never mind- The Hawkeye guys helped me load them."

Lo, the rejoicing lasted for days.


Restaurants & Closing Times

We (Chris, John and Yours Truly) were starving- since end of play was about 4:30, we missed the dinner hour, and it was all asses and elbows until 9:00- we were racing to hit Agora before 9:30.
Why 9:30? Because that was the final seating time.

Restaurant folks- WTF is wrong with you people?
If you are open from 4:00 PM to 10:00 PM, BE OPEN FROM 4 UNTIL 10!
Agora- (which has great food, don't get me wrong..) opens at 4 but doesn't start serving until 5:30 (huh?) and closes at 10:00, but won't seat anyone after 9:30.
Restaurant staff get pissed off when a party of 4 rolls in 15 minutes before closing...
"But we've already started cleaning up." they complain.
Bullshit. You're sign says "open 'til 10". Serve me.

Don't lead me on with "Serving starts at-" and "Last seating-"...
And, by the way- if this happens to you, don't get snotty with the waitstaff once you are seated.... That is the best way to an order of the snot-flavored soup, and the urine vinegrette dressing on your salad.

So... Back to our hungry protagonists-
"No...we've already had last seating." she tells me at 9:10.
Needless to say, I went through my standard calming mantra:
Visualize the calm blue water off the Tortugas;

My hands holding the hostess' head under the clear cool water...
Count to ten in Hebrew.

Ah... much better.
Ok... we still need food.

Chris: "Look- There's a McDonalds."
Yours Truly: "I said 'food'. Do you know what the stuff from McD's is made out of? The crap that comes out of pencil sharpeners. We are NOT going to McDonalds."

Be careful of what you want.

So we cruised the outskirts of Irvine looking for a place to eat as the magic hour of 10:00 PM approached, we saw a neon sign advertising "Hamburger Mary's Bar and Grill".
Cool. Bar food. Can't go too far wrong.
(Boy was I mistaken.)
We piled into the restaurant and took a seat at a booth.
Then we got a good look around... Hmmm...
A couple pairs of guys on the dance floor. Several pairs of women that were sitting dangerously close to each other at the bar.
Decorations straight out of "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert". Some other props straight out of Rocky Horror.
"Uh, guys. I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."
The Hawkeye guys were also coming to a realization that we were in some kind of Alternative Lifestyle watering hole. They didn't mind, and as for me, I could give a shit... As long as they were still serving food, I don't care what was going on to the beat of Baltimora's "Tarzan Boy" over under the disco ball...
2 steak dinners and a chicken platter later we were outta there, none the worse for the wear...
If you're looking for a good time... (Depending on your own personal proclivities, of course,)
You might want to check out Hamburger Mary's, on McArthur, near the OC airport.
Tell 'em The Big Guy sent you.
(The one who threatened the poofy bartender with physical violence due to a overly suggestive leer.Heh.)

Airport fun.

Now, at some point in the previous few days a gig came up for USA Basketball, a game in Las Vegas between Team USA and the Purto Rico team. And, as per usual, I arranged for game ops and support for this little slice of heaven.
I needed a Statistician (Pat Gehm in Houston) for the game, along with the stats equipment, which was in Jacksonville. And the game was on Thursday night...
What with costs for one-way flights and all, it basically required me to go back to Florida for 6 hours rather than going straight to Vegas. Geez.

So this week's travel schedule-

Monday AM- Depart OC, through Houston, to Jax, arrive 10:30 PM.
Go to the office to pick up equipment prepared by the Help Desk.
Home at 12:00, midnight.
Repack bags.

Tuesday AM- Leave for airport at 5:30 AM. (Home for 5:30, sleep for 4 of those.)
7:10 flight- Jax, Houston, Vegas. Arrive 3:00PM.
Go to arena, see when ESPN truck is due- ETA:9:00AM tomorrow.
Go to hotel, check in, Dead asleep by 5:00.

Wednesday: Up at 4:00 AM.
Go to Hooters Casino, gamble until 6:30am. (Lose $50.00)
Got to Graybar for cable and hardware for install. Breakfast nearby.
9:00 AM Wed @ Thomas & Mack Arena, UNLV. Install wiring for USAB Game...
Depart at 6:00pm.
7:00 to 11:00, dinner & gambling at Mirage Casino.

Dinner- Samba at Mirage Casino


Yet another Churrascaria...
Passable, but nothing outstanding.

I'm not a fan of the Las Vegas rodizios.
At other churrascaria, they bring the meat around without ceasing until you throw in the towel. In Vegas, they bring each selection around once, then you have to request them to bring back the ones of which you want additional servings.
I'm not a fan of this process...
I want them to just keep bringing them to me, let me say "yea" or "nay"...don't make me beg.
This is the third rodizio I've tried in Vegas- Yoli's, Rumjungle in Mandalay Bay, and now Samba, and it seems to be a "Vegas Only" procedure.

Samba was nice...

Even though it felt a little like being inside a huge conch shell...

Oh well... Sunset was nice...


Thursday:
Game day was a bit stressful...
I was expecting Pat, my statisticaian, at around noonish...
I called to get his flight info... He wasn't going to make it at noon.
Let's just say "there were issues".
He called a bit later to let me know he'd be in at 4:00pm.
Geez.
Cutting it a little fine, but knowing Pat I had confidence.
I was more concerned with Continental... If there were any flight complications or weather issues, I would the one trying to stat the game...
ESPN would not be pleased with the stats if I was to be the one driving the machine.
I set 'em up and make sure they work, I can even act a spotter, but it takes some specialized talent to keep running stats on an NBA/USAB game.


Pat and his better (much better, I might be so bold as to say) half, Mary, arrived at four and I got them to their hotel, the Venetian, tout suite then I hauled ass back to the arena to finish off some continutity problems I was having.

The Venetian

I shot this the night before from the parking deck of the Mirage.

Pat made it to the arena about 6 and started game night prep; The game started without a hitch at 8:00pm and I had all out equipment broken down and packed by 11:15- By Midnight we were losing our asses at a single-deck blackjack table in the Palms Hotel, drinking with The Captain and enjoying every minute of it.

We bailed around 2:30 and discovered that In-N-Out Burger is NOT open 24 hours...

Mary is a junkfood junkie... We hunted around until we found a McDs that was still open, where we were able to blunt the edge of her cravings with minimal bloodshed and only vague threats of violence if the fries were not "hot and fresh, damn it"...

I took them back to the Venetian, then rolled myself back to the Hampton Inn where I slept until 7:30-

Friday
My flight was at 12:30pm.
I was packed and out of the Hampton Inn by 8:00. We had breakfast at the Venetian (Very good, if a bit limited buffet at the Cafe Grand Lux)
I still had a couple hours to kill, and since the minimum bets at the Venetian were 15 dollars a hand, we decided on a casino with lower minimum bets...
That's right- the Hooters Casino.
When I left them at 11:20, they were at a $5 dollar blackjack table drinking vodka like water and betting $25 dollars a hand and winning a majority of the hands.

I hit the airport like it was on fire, went through the TSA checkpoint with nary even a raised eyebrow, and was settled into Biz Class like an Alabama tick... 2 rum and cokes, a tasty snack, and 2 DVD episodes of "Firefly" later found us in Houston, and a couple hours later I was standing in the baggage claim in Jax, fuming as to why it takes 40 minutes from the time the plane stops moving until I get my bags.
This is UN-F%@#*%ng-ACCEPTABLE.

Ah, the calming mantra...

The cool, clear waters of the Tortugas...

My hands around the neck of the baggage handler, holding him under water...

Count to ten in Greek...

Ah... Much better.

Famous, out.