Sunday, September 29, 2013

How To Be Delayed Getting Home On A Saturday Night

The truth will set you free get you detained by The Man

(Snip of a tedious narrative where I avoid hitting a cop that pulled into my lane, who promptly pulled me over.)

"Mr. TBG... Have you been drinking tonight?"
He gives me the flashlight half-shine to watch my reaction.

Ok... You want to play fuck-fuck? We can play fuck-fuck.

"Drinking tonight? Oh yeah."
"Really?" (long pause- watching me carefully) "How many have you had tonight?"
"Damn... I really don't know exactly. I've been drinking all day. College football on TV today you know. Let me think."
I look thoughtfully off into space and count on my fingers.
"Gosh, sir... maybe five or six with dinner, and probably six or seven while I was watching the Georgia / South Carolina earlier this afternoon."
"Five or six beers?" he asks, incredulously.
"Actually, it was iced tea with dinner. I was drinking diet Coke earlier."
"What?" he asked- starting to get pissed.
"You asked if I was drinking. You weren't specific. I WAS drinking."
He gives me a looooong look. I feel like I might have pushed the wrong button.

"Sir, I pulled you over because you were exhibiting behavior of someone  operating a vehicle under the influence. Step over to my car. Will you participate in some field sobriety tests?"
"Sure, but it's a waste of time. I haven't had a drop of alcohol in over a week.
I was swerving because you had pulled half-way into my lane and I was trying to avoid you."
LEO is not happy... He put me through the 3 standard field sobriety tests... (And at this point I'm REALLY glad I wasn't carrying).
Stand on one foot, arms out, horizontal gaze pupil test, and the stand & turn test...
(Passed with flying colors.)
I could only think of Steve Martin's scene in 'The Man with Two Brains'

I now have a nice formal piece of paper citing me for "Careless Driving"...
( a largely subjective charge) ... which I shall deal with anon.



Old NFO said...

Probably good is right... And you told him the truth, which is what set him off...

Borepatch said...

At least you didn't get arrested for Contempt of Cop. Which quite frankly, you were probably entirely guilty of.

The Big Guy said...

ONFO- Yes, LEOs have a tough job, but not so though that they can be assholes without restraint.
Unfortunately, most LEOs seem to think that 'Civil Servant'='Civil Master'... That will be a topic during my court date for this citation.

BP: Remind me to tell you about the time I was arrested for telling a cop he was an asshole sometime...

And I don't know about contempt. More like antipathy in this case. The guy is lucky he didn't find a way to refer to me or the local population as 'civilians'...
I'd've skipped right over contempt and gone straight to outright scorn.

As a rule, I don't have issues with the local cops, since I know so many of them- but as a collective LEOs are getting too much of an 'US vs Them' attitude and need some reminding about Peel's Principals.

Opinionated Grump (Rich in NC) said...

He won't show up...

He's seen you sober.

Rich in NC

Opinionated Grump (Rich in NC) said...

He won't show up...

He's seen you sober.

Rich in NC