Monday, July 22, 2013

KA3AHb - Part the Third

A/K/A -
Welcome to Hell; Population: You

I'm in one of those funky seats behind the Flight Attendant's station- not a bulkhead, and not truly an exit row, but lots of leg room just the same.

The entire plane is full of student participants of the Universidae and a mere handful of coaches for the respective teams.
Lots of good-natured jingoism, especially between the Aussies and the Micks. No one is screwing with the Japanese for some reason (aside from MY occasional 'Excuse YOU, ya sandal-wearing goldfish tender' as I get slammed with an equipment bag as they pass).
Flight leaves around 8:40pm and touches down 4 hours later, and adding the +2 hour time change, I'm in Russia at 2:30 AM.


I clear C&I with a minimum of issues, my bags are on the carousel, and I'm out to arrivals tout-de-fuckin'-suite.

Where I am met by a cheering mob.

WFT is wrong with you people. It's 3AM.Go home.

No, it the Universiade Spirit.

I do my best to melt into the woodwork but alas- not possible.
Two girls from LTC spot me and begin waving and shouting, which triggers more wavaing and shouting from the Welcome Mob.
LTC Greeter: "Well-coome Mr. Big Guy! You are most well come."
Yours Truly: "You bet. Where's the friggin' car?" 
I've not slept in... gah- 29? hours and I'm going to start getting cranky soon.
LTCG: "Wait here for a moment, then we will go to the car."
Ah. Excellent.
45 minutes later of telling taxi shills to Отвяжись! and sweating my cojones off... ('Member what I said about getting cranky? Yeah.)
LTCG shows up with another victim.
LTCG: "OK- we can go to the car now."
(Astute Constant Readers will notice she didn't say "We'll leave now." Oh no.)
Me and Other Guy stow our stuff in the back of the Microvan after a 20 minute sojourn to the curb.
LTCG: "Please to wait right here. We are expecting one more."
Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me. Question mark.

Now, I have alluded to the early sunrise at this latitude, and as we sit by the van waiting for our 'One More', the sun fully rises off in the north east.
When Mr. One More finally arrives we are finally off... on Mr. Toads Wild Ride Around KA3AHb and all suburbs.
We arrive at Hotel 1 (Ibis) in 40 minutes, and then after a 10 minute delay we are off to  Hotel 2 (The Shithole) and another 10 minute delay. Then it's just me, the LTCG and the driver.
I finally get a look at FortePiano.

I'm checking in at 5:30 AM. We have a 9:00 meeting at the Tennis Academy.
Yeah- this is gonna be an awesome 2 hours of sleep.

Oh yeah... It looks normal from Google Maps.

But if you get a peek into the basement, past the dead hookers stacked in the corners like cordwood...
That's right - FortePiano, a liberally translated: "The Devils Asscrack."

Coming up: Turning Up The Heat



Jennifer said...

Best of luck to you. Hope that was the best 2 hours of sleep ever.

kx59 said...

You have all the fun.
I so want your job.
Don't forget to post up pics of all the bed bug bites!
Piano Forte. The original name for "piano" wherein a felt covered hammer strikes a very highly TENSIONED string.
Sounds about right.
You are the string.

Old NFO said...

I would have bailed at the Ibis, if that was the TOP of the food chain, you knew what was coming... AND it turned out to be true!