Tuesday, September 07, 2010

TSA and Common Sense : Do As We Say, Not As We Do

On the road again...

Went to the airport prepared to poke the bear badger asshats posturing neo-Nazi control-hungry morons in the TSA.
Wore my Blackwater t-shirt since it's been doing such a great job as a dialog catalyst recently.

Got checked in at the ticket counter withoug any problem, even when I questioned the "no seats available in steerage, so I HAVE to buy Economy Plus" policy.
And ran across another new wrinkle in Airline Kabuki... Bring Your Original Credit Card do-si-do.
I saw in my flight notification email and on the United check-in page that I should bring the original credit card when I check in...
Yeah, not gonna happen.
I have to believe that 95% of business travel is booked through a corporate card by a travel department, and IDS is no exception. United Air sez that the credit card check is to ensure against credit card fraud...
Well... It took a good 18 minutes (I checked) to resolve the issue... Sure glad I was there early.
Hey, United... Square away your process. This is redicking fuckulous.

Onward to TSA Screening.

7AM on Tuesday is pretty slow at the Mag & Bag... there were 3 lanes open, 2 or 3 people in line at each lane, and 3 people in the line for the primary screening.

I get in line.
Get to the front and show my ticket and my ID... My state-issued Florida CCW permit.
(Hey, I've got time, and infinite paitence. Besides, I need fodder for the blog and perhaps an article for the local newspaper.)
The primary ID checker asshat TSA Agent takes my papers and looks through them...
Ticket for a flight this AM to IAD, check.
Name on ticket matches...this here ID... Hold the phone!
He looks at the ID, looks at me over his glasses...
TSA Agent: "Really?"
Yours Truly: "Yes... Is there a problem?"
TSA: {heavy sigh} "No... Not really... But you ought to use a little common sense."
(Really? You want to go there? Ok... Let's go.)
YT: "Like the common sense TSA uses when y'all confiscate toenail clippers in the name of National Security?"
TSA Asshat's fuse is lit and burning...
TSA: "You got any other ID?"
YT: "Nope- not handy. My passport is on the way to New York to get a visa stamp."
TSA: "Drivers License?"
YT: "In my checked bag, in my driver's kit with my HOS trip log, med card and insurance paperwork."
TSA: "Nothing else?"
YT: "No... But you really don't need anything else. Here- here's the printout of the page of the TSA website regarding Proper ID... Right here..." I start pulling a sheet of paper from my bag.... Asshat interrupts me...
TSA: {Angry glare} "I don't need that...Here. Lane 3."
(Shoves my ticket and ID at me.)
YT: "Thanks- Have a great day."

I expected some kind of hassle at the Mag & Bag, but I sailed through without even a secondary bag check... Odd, considering the amount of crap I carry in my backpack.
I'm averaging about 50/50 on secondary screening... Considering my initial destination (Washington DC) I would have thought they'd give my bag at least and swabbing for the mass-spectrometer.
Oh well... On to the gate.
90 mins to DC, another hour to PVD.

Life's a carnival... Don't waste your money on the midway attractions...



Cockroach said...

Had you not been prepared with print out of THEIR rules it would have ended differently. If you responded with "gee, I didn't know that this ID wouldn't work" ‘proceed to the mat with the footprint painted on it.’
Before enforcing the laws you should have good idea WHAT you’re enforcing.


The Mighty Skunk said...

Congratulations for totally ruining the day of somebody who totally deserved it. Although, I do feel sorry for the wife he beat up and the dog he kicked when he got home.

Anonymous said...

I always thought it was everyday adventures with me, but geez you have me beat! LOL

Bug said...

I'm gonna have to start following you to the airport just so I can stand off to the side and watch these events. I absolutely love it!!

It would have been interesting to hear him say why he thought the CCW permit was lacking common sense. It would also have been interesting to hear his mgr explain why you're being given crap for complying with their rules.