Saturday, April 03, 2010

If I Wanted Analysis I'd Have Kept Going To See My Therapist

The Chik-Fil-A assistant manager is making his rounds in the dining room at lunch time, refilling beverages and checking that everyone is having a Quality Lunch Experience at the Washington Road franchise...
As he comes to our table he refills my Dr. Pepper and then I get start getting the Q&A...

Asst Mgr.: "So... I see you picked up some hot sauce at the condiment station..."
Yours Truly: ...chewing, looking at AM with puzzled expression...
AM: "Would you be interested to learn that Chik-Fil-A will be offering a spicy chicken sandwich on our menu in a few weeks?"
YT: "Uh...Yeah, whatever." (They've had the spicy sandwich and biscuit in Jax for a while now.)
AM: "Well, we hope you stop back in when we start serving them..."

What's next...?
AM: "Oh... I see you ordered 2 sandwiches, supersized the waffle fries and are drinking a regular regular coke... Since you apparently are disregarding your caloric intake, can I suggest a slice of pie or one of our double fudge brownies?


AM: "Really? 4 chicken biscuits, potato rounds and a *diet* Dr Pepper? Could I suggest only 1 biscuit and the drink if you truly desire to make any headway on that waistline, Lumpy."

Quit analyzing me based on my purchases...

Have you ever been in a large store like Target or Wal Mart and been apprehensive about what the check out clerk was going to think about you when she saw your purchases?
Obviously, if you are buying a dog leash, muzzle, a 4-pack of pillow cases, a step stool, and a large tub of Vaseline, you deserve the raised eyebrow...

But I'm talking about those worries when you come in looking for something (say...9mm ammo), can't find it, and as you're walking out, you spot a bag of chocolate-covered pretzel clusters...
Do you wonder what the mouth-breather working register 7 is thinking about you as you pay for them with your American Express card.

What I think she's thinking: "Wow. You must really want that candy to make a special trip in here and pay for it on your credit card. What a tard."

What she's actually thinking: "Is 5 O'clock here yet? I can't wait to get the hell out of here and away from these idiots, like this tard with his pretzel nuggets."


1 comment:

Joanna said...

Best purchase I ever made consisted of a shotgun cleaning kit (in three calibers!), 50 feet of clothesline, and a tube of waterproof mascara. If that didn't get me on a list somewhere, someone's slacking off on the job.