Marketing genius.

Wow.

Beijing 2008 Olympic manicure/pedicure kit.

Jeebus-
People will buy anything with a logo on it...

HTML Feng Shui

For Laura:

I got a note on my keyboard this morning...

Big Guy likes haikus
Though syllables don't add up
But who really counts

Ok...you made your point.
Corrected.

I stand humbled.


TBG out-

Pictures, we got 'em...

The ever-resourceful Apostle garnered some beautiful images from the opening ceremonies.
Enjoy-


Amazing, eh?

TBG, in awe of great photographers-

Hey Google...

You're embarrassing yourself. Actually you're embarrassing me...

I told you before, knock off the predictive ad placement...


Ms. Su would probably be horrified to see this AdSense link on her site...

TBG, losing my appetite-

W's big day out...

It's good the be the W...


You definitely have to check out this gallery from W's day off in Beijing...

The look on his face in the first pic is priceless....

TBG out-

Comparison: Atlanta '96 to Beijing '08

I got a note recently that reminded me of the Opening Ceremony from Atlanta in 1996.

After watching Athens in '04 and the other night in Beijing, I decided to look for some footage from Atlanta because I vaguely remember being embarrassed for being from the South after seeing the Atlanta Opening Ceremonies brought to you by Chevrolet...

Sherman, set the Wayback... 1996.


It'd be awesome if it was halftime at a SEC football game.

Horrific for the Opening Ceremonies.

Atlanta OC 1996 - Epic Fail.

TBG out-

TWSS - Part 1

"It's leaking from places it shouldn't leak from."

"I'd only come at that point."

"Those two boys were easy to get off."

"You need to lick it a couple times, then I'll never sit in it."

"Move. Just Move."

"You need to get closer."

"Don't fling it around, Baby. You've gotta keep it steady."

"Ty, I've got something I want to try with you..."

-----------------------------------------
More to come, no doubt.

C'mon, New Guy. Just Order your F*ing Coffee.

Ah, you can always spot the new arrivals to Beijing.



The latest bonehead to entertain us was the self-important ass who stood at the No-Bucks in the commissary and placed his normal high-maintenance-too-impressed-with-myself bullshit order with the diminutive Chinese barista.
These girls only know about 6 phrases and orders... Coffee, Caffe Mocha, Caffe Latte, Iced Latte, Cappuccino, and tea.
And everything is one size... None of the Tall, Grande, Venti, Bueno Grandissimo, or any other No-Bucks-centric coffee language.
One size.

The Self-Important Ass placed his well-rehearsed order...
"Give me a Double Venti half-caf soy latte, and a double shot skinny latte with hazelnut."
The girl behind the counter looked at him with a look of embarrassment.
"Ummm...Two latte?" she asked, picking out the only word she knew.
"Didn't you hear me? Double Venti half-caf soy latte. Double shot skinny latte with hazelnut." saying it louder, hoping more volume would help her understand the foreign words.

His companion studied the rather sparse menu...
I could see him warming up to order a decaf venti-3 pump sugar free vanilla- 3 pump sugar free cinnamon-nonfat-no whip-no foam-stirred latte, and if he did I was going slap him with a slice of Butterfish.

Some other interesting things I've heard at the NoBucks in the NBC Commissary in Beijing:

"Does a Frappachino have ice in it?"

"Can I have a cold hot chocolate?"

"What's in your iced coffee?"
(There's actually kittens in there, and maybe some urine.)

"Do you have any sandwiches?"

"Which drink has the least amount of calories?"

Jeebus, people. Read the menu.
Coffee
Caffe Mocha
Cappuccino
Caffe Latte
Tea.

Order and get the hell out of the way. And the next idiot who orders a Non-Fat Whipped Soy on iced Carmel Macchiato with mocha and caramel drizzle gets a size 14 tennis shoe up their ass.

TBG-

Perspective

Put the mushrooms down and step away...

Dance Teams

So...
Maybe I was a little harsh a few days ago...

The dancers are really trying hard to live up to the standard set by the teams that performed in Athens in 2004.

When I was out in Chaoyang yesterday I was able to get a few (hundred) pics during the dance team practice.


Working on the rhythm... finger snap, head toss, finger snap, kick...


OK Number 1, lose the flipflops...


I just am not finding the words...


Jeebus lady! How much do bad implants cost in China?


Where is that Pantene sponsorship when you need it?

TBG, thinking about changing my venue...

Recipe to Drive TBG Nuts:Repetitive Redundancy

There is a pre-specified serial feed cable missing from Beach Volleyball.

Our Venue Operator is unable to find anyone to take responsibility for resolving the issue.
No problem there, it's not really his job; it should have already been identified, labeled and tested before he got on-site.
Yours Truly had already visited Chaoyang looking for it and spoken to the VITM (Venue IT Manager) about it days ago and got the famous handwave and a maiwenti...
"No problem, no problem."
So I knew there was going to be a problem...
But I'll give them the benefit of the doubt.

So here we are at 4 days out from start of competition and there is no love...

Now... (And here is the meat of this post...)

There are two ways for this to work...

Average efficient project manager: "Hey Big Guy, can you take care of Task A* for me."
TBG: "Sure. When do you want it done?"
AEPM: "It's pretty important. By end of day tomorrow is OK."
TBG: "No worries. I'm on it. Top of my list for the AM."
AEPM: "Thanks."

The task is then place in my priority queue and assigned critical path status. No problem. Provided nothing else is assigned with higher priority, it gets handled.

Isn't that the way it's supposed to work?

Task assigned, task accepted.
Task accomplished within acceptable time limits.
Easy-peasy-lemon squeezy.

How it works in Beijing:

Not So Efficient, Stressed-Out Project Manager, 11:00am Tuesday:
"Serial cable at Beach Volleyball is still not working."
TBG:"Hmmm. Ok. Let me make some calls."

12:00
NSESOPM: "We need to get that cable at Beach Volleyball fixed."
TBG: "I'm on it. This take priority over the IDF Backup?"
NSESOPM: "Yes, high priority."
TBG: "OK- I'm on it."
Several phone calls are made, threats delivered, ultimatums issued.
Responsible parties are not available, one guy on vacation, another missing in action. This is going to need Hands-On from TBG to come to fruition.
I make plans accordingly, setting up to go to Beach Volleyball in the morning to close the OVR-to-IDS Sportbug air gap.
The issue will be resolved.

3:00PM
NSESOPM:"So, Big Guy, what is up with the serve-speed feed for Beach Volleyball?
TBG: "No love from anyone. I'm going over there in the morning to take care of it."
NSESOPM: "It is very important to get resolved as soon as possible."
TBG:"Got it. No worries."

5:00PM
NSESOPM: "Big Guy, have you made arrangements to fix Beach Voilleyball yet? It is very important..."
TBG: "Dude. I'm on it. I'm going in the morning."

7:00PM
NSESOPM: "Jay- I wanted to let you know... It is important to get beach volleyball taken care of very soon. We have only 3 days...."
TBG: "Already cleared my schedule. I'll be there in the AM."

9:30PM
Telephone call to my cell while I'm at dinner:
NSESOPM: "Big Guy.. I want to remind you to take care of Beach Volleyball in the morning..."
TBG: "I'm. On. It." (*click*)

11:00PM
Text message:
NSESOPM: "Jay... The cable for the Sportbug at Beach Volleyball... Have you made arrangements to take care of...."

1:00am
Email from the Code Monkey
NSESOPM: "Please remember to go to Beach Volleyball in the morning..."

4:00am
A note is slipped under the door to my room.
NSESOPM: "Big Guy. Beach Volleyball serial cable still needs to be resolved some time today. Please make arrangements..."

7:00am
NSESOPM: "Jay, are you going to beach volleyball today? We need the cables for the sportbug..."

8:30AM
NSESOPM: "Big Guy...I'm thinking there might be an issue with the Serial cables for the Sportbug..."

9:00am
TBG: "Hey Stass... I'm on my to badminton. I'll catch you later..."
Look of shock, anger and surprise from the code monkey.
TBG: "Just kidding- Volleyball. I'm outta here."

The feed was found, labeled, terminated, tested and secured buy 1:30.

Guess what time it is?
It's time for the Code Monkey to quit f@#&%ing with me.


*"Task A" = damn near anything from terminating a Cat-5 cable for a network switch, to planning and executing a small squad infiltration and demolition of a military installation, to engineering a hostile [and I mean *really* hostile] takeover of a Fortune 500 company.

Bugs for Dinner

One of the courses for dinner last night was fried duck with scorpions.
Really.

Scorpions.

Not scorpion-shaped biscuits...
Not scorpion-like meat products...

Scorpions.



There's no doubt that when we ordered these, the guys back in the kitchen got a laugh.
"Those dumb American tourists! They want to eat the scorpions again.
Tell Lee Sun to go move the boxes in the shed and find some arachnids."

Jeebus.

The first person to get a mouthful of chitin was Anne, one of the IBC crew...

Mmmm. That's good bug.

Mitch also imbibed...


Yum-O!

Not to be outdone, Yours Truly also enjoyed the treat. Twice.



I know what you're going to ask...

1. Crunchy, without much taste.
2. The stingers are still sharp. Don't eat that part.

Ben (Help Desk escapee and IBC Staffer) also was shamed into enjoying a bug...
(Alas, no picture though... :( )

Speaking of bugs...

We got a huge charge (heh) out of Ty electrocuting himself with a electronic bug zapper...No photos, but the visual will stay with me for a good long time...

Ty and Mark went to the Lotus shopping for a fan and some other goodies. One thing Ty picked up, along with the Corn Juice, was a paddle-shaped bug zapper.

We had enjoyed several adult beverages and had commenced monkeying about with the bug zapper and Ty had convinced himself that the device was either too technologically advanced for him in his current (heh) state, or the device was defective.
Right about that time, he shorted the two metal mesh surfaces against his hand. There was a pop and a blue spark and Ty almost vaulted over the railing of the balcony.
He got a nasty little charge that caused his arm to go numb for several minutes...
I laughed so hard I think I peed a little bit, and Mark was having trouble catching his breath.
Ten minutes after The Incident his arm was still tingling...

Good times, good times...

TBG- Bug Cruncher...

Beach Volleyball Entertainment

There is a TV camera at Beach Volleyball with a stationary shot of the court, and that camera has it's own channel on the Closed Circuit system in the IBC.

Dancer practice is fun to watch...



Well... They're not the Laker Girls...

Did you expect them to be?

TBG - Always amazed.

Captain & Corn

Corn juice.
I shit you not. Corn juice.
Sweet, buttery corn juice.

Mixes well with The Captain.
So I hear anyway...

Caption the Picture

1. This is why Sumo is not a recognized Olympics sport.

2. New IDS @ IBC workout program.

3. Tokyo Conga Line - FAIL

4. (singing) "C'mon baby, do the loco-motion..."

5. "Hey, now, Number 4...Both hands up..."

6. ...

City at Night

It has been insanely clear here the last two days. We've had some rain and things have been looking great during the day. Real "Blue Sky" days...
The problem with that is that when you are walking across the Olympic Green...(nothing green about it- it's asphalt and concrete) it can get hot-hot-hot.
But at least the sky has been nice.

Even at night...

The view from my window-
Looking roughly east southeast from the NorthStar (Homeland Green) Media Village.


A balmy 23 degrees...

TBG, waiting for the Second Wave-

The Office

The Office in the IBC is nearly complete...
Most of our laptops are installed and configured, and the IDS Crew that will work inside the IBC has arrived.

(Click picture for larger view)
It's gonna be tight in there...
I think I'll be camping out at C2 near the WaterCube.
Or perhaps at Beach Volleyball...Heh.

TBG- needing elbow room...

Catering in Beijing

Does it seem odd that I can make this statement:
"I'm looking forward to having breakfast at the IBC."
How about this quote:
"This is one of the best pancakes I've ever eaten in my entire life."
(Spoken in true reverence, with syrup dripping from my chin.)

Lord knows, I've bitched enough about the food here in Beijing, and I believe I've sent a Tweet or two about some menu items, but there is one specific point I have to make...
Some of the best pancakes I've had in years were made in Beijing China by a Scotsman.

Catering for all the NBC venues in Beijing is being handled by a company called Behind the Scenes. I'm met several of their staff and all of them are pretty cool people... I 've met the front-of-house guy at the Field Shop- Frasier- from Canada and the Chef from Athletics- Jodi from Sydney Australia. Awesome people, all of them.
The one that really stands out so far is Marc- the Griddle Master.
In contrast, the food from the Media Village, which is, in the timeless words of Rodney Dangerfield in Caddyshack, "...This is low-grade dogfood."
(Really, don't waste your time at the restaurants in the MV.)

My man Marc the Scot starts making his pancake mix the night before...
As I get a cup of coffee in the evening at the NoBucks (Free Starbucks) I see Marc working back in the kitchen area. I stop by before heading back to the office to see what he's whipping up...

"Hey man. We' havin' pancakes in the mornin'."

He's setting a vat of batter to rest before going back to the Media Village for the night.
The next morning I head back to the griddle Where A Miracle Is Occurring.

Mmmm. Pancakes.
They're light and thin. Just a hint of crispness on the edges.
And tasty? Oh. My. God.
Marc -is- King of the Griddle...

The only thing that would make this a Perfect Breakfast would be to be able to create the Famous Texas One-Eyed Stack:
3 thin pancakes, topped with a fried egg sunny-side up, 3 slices of crisp bacon and drown the entire structure in maple syrup...
But I'll just take the pancakes for right now. I'm not pushing my luck.

TBG - Looking forward to breakfast.

Water ballet

The fountains at the NST.
Too cool.

Bus bus.

Bu bus? Dui bus!

This Just In...

From an informal poll on the shuttle bus this morning:

What do you think about necrophiliacs?

2% Could care less.

5% Creepifying.

93% Wouldn't want to be caught dead with one.

(75% of responders need definition of the word. Curiously, the 75% were also under the age of 23. Go figure.)

TBG - Random sampling

Nice Digs

Hey Bob, Susan and SpongeMark-
Here's your new home for the next 3 weeks.
Gymnastics is on the ground floor, swimming and diving share the upper floor.
(It'll be cozy upstairs. Heh.)

Oh happy day!

They have *finally* opened some of the internal gates. The 30 minute walk and 2 Mag & Bag stops is now 6 minutes door to door.
W00t!

TBG - On the Green.

Fun on the Menu

From SpongeMark SquareHands at some obscure event...

Jeepers, SpongeMark... Who is the cook over there, Jeffery Dahmer?

Olympic Entry Gates

Oh...I see they have opened the main entrance to the Olympic Green...

What the Hell is That?!

As we stroll through the pictures on Stass' site, the one picture that always makes everyone recoil in horror is this one:


Every time I look at it I throw up in my mouth a little bit...

Reminds me of the scene from the doctor's office...
Patient: Doc, can you look at my hemorrhoids for me?
Doctor: Yeah, but not for too long.

TBG, terrified by the meat.

Items to Leave Home

Coming to a Olympic Venue?
Here's BOCOG official list of Shit You Should Leave Home:

Restricted articles include:

• hard-packed drink and food;
• fragile articles;
• musical instruments;
• carry-on bags, suitcases and handbags which are too big to carry to the seats;
• flags of countries and regions not participating either in the Beijing Olympic Games or Paralympic Games and all other flags over two meters in length or over one meter in width;
• flag poles of over one meter in length;
• banners, leaflets, or posters;
• unauthorized professional videotaping equipments;
• knives, bats, long-handle umbrellas, long poles, sharp-ended stands for cameras and video cameras, and other objects that may cause harm and injury to people;
• animals (with the exception of guide dogs);
• vehicles (except for strollers and wheelchairs);
• unauthorized walky-talkies, loudspeakers, radios, laser devices or wireless devices that interfere with the electronic signals of the Olympic Games.

BOCOG has deemed the following behavior as inappropriate:

• smoking at a non-smoking area;
• crossing over the guardrail;
• using umbrellas or standing up for a long period of time in the seating area, thus obstructing the field of vision of other spectators;
• and flash photography.

They have also banned weapons and equipment including guns, ammunition, crossbows, and daggers;
fireworks, firecrackers and other flammable materials;
corrosive chemicals and radioactive materials.

Wow. So... My ballista with the acid-tipped missiles is prohibited.
Bummer.

TBG- Behaving himself.

Don't Ask, don't tell...

There is a poster on display around Beijing with set of prescriptions for Chinese citizens' interaction with Westerners during the Games.
There are "Eight Don't-Asks" when chatting with foreign guests, the poster advises:



Don’t ask about income or expenses,
don’t ask about age,
don’t ask about love life or marriage,
don’t ask about health,
don’t ask about someone’s home or address,
don’t ask about personal experience,
don’t ask about religious beliefs or political views,
don’t ask what someone does.

Damn. What the hell is there to left talk about?

More Pics

In response to the requests for more pictures of the Media Village, our illustrious leader Stass, (A/K/A The Code Monkey, the Programming Primate, #4 on your speed dial but #1 in your heart...) has put up quite a few pics on his site, including some interior room pictures...
His main site... I Stass
...And his Beijing pics can be found here.

My favorite? Oh...there are so many good ones...

Must be this one...

I just blend right in with the locals, eh?

TBG, just a face in the crowd.

Code monkey

Waiting for the mythical shuttle bus...