Monday, June 09, 2014

Stupid Request of the Night - 6/8

I was standing in the sub-concourse of the AT&T Center last night about 10 minutes before the start of the game...
I was in kind of a central location so I could get to courtside easily or get to the other support offices with as much ease...

So I was just standing back, out of the way because the Heat players had just left to court to go back to the locker room between the pre-game shoot-around and the actual spotlights & music re-entry. Everyone from the cheerleaders to maintenance guys, tech support and various league personnel all milling around to get a look at King James and DWade.
As I stood back minding my own business, a security guy approached me from my right...
SG: "Sir... Who do you work for?"
I looked at him like he was speaking Kyrgyzstani... (Keeping in mind I'm wearing a 5"x7" credential around my neck with my picture, company name & "all access/all games" notation. I'm allowed to be here.. I'm even trying to keep the hell out of the way. Why is this idjit fucking with me?)
Yours Truly: "I work for the league. Scoring and IT Tech Support. What's the problem?"

SG: "Sir, are you carrying a weapon?"
He's speaking to me, but watching the hallway and the 'sterile' hallway area.

Ok... Now I'm puzzled.
YT: "No..."  Thinking: Not that I couldn't kill you right here, right now, since you are waaaay too close to me and not really paying attention to what I'm doing.
Security note: If you think I'm enough of a threat that we need to chat- you better fucking pay attention to me when we're talking...
SG: "Sir, it looks to me like you have a knife in your pocket."

Jeebus Pete- you must be fucking joking.
In the realm of 'dangerous shit' a Leatherman donesn't even show up on my radar of Offensive Weapons. (Improvised Weapons, sure- along with most of the other crap in my pockets including the handful of change.)
YT: "My Leatherman? It's not a weapon, it's a tool."
SG: "Sir- I need you to unclip it and put it down inside your pocket."
I gave him my patented "You're shitting me, right?" look.
It's not going to be worth the time to explain to him what a stupid request he was making.
YT: "Fine. No problem."
I unclipped it and slipped it in my pocket. Like 2.5 inches down my pocket is going to make a difference if I had malice aforethought.

There you have it...
The world is safer since my Leatherman is not clipped to the top of my pocket.

I wish the TSA would have a similar policy about multi-tools.
Just keep it out of sight so the sheep don't get nervous.
As opposed to outright confiscation.



ASM826 said...

I'll do you a similar one.

At the USMC museum in Quantico, Va. Stopped by the security guy at the entrance for a visible clip. Tells me I have to take it back to my car. So I hike back out the car, drop it in the cupholder and go on into the museum.

They sell Kabars in the gift shop. Had a big display of them, mostly engraved and pricy, but still, new sharp combat knives just right there in the open.

Old NFO said...

Yeah, I got that going into work this morning, must be something in the water this week... sigh... Except mine was a SOG Twitch... :-)

Roberta X said...

When asked, "Are you carrying a weapon?" I am always deeeeply tempted to glance both ways and reply in a stage whisper, "Do you need one?"

This is why I can't have nice things.

The Big Guy said...

And they defend their idioticy with the oh-so-effective "It's not me, it's just our policy. Sorry."

They're everywhere these days. Wait until/if Open Carry becomes the norm... That will drive the hopolophobes completely batshit.

Oh, baby.. I am going to use the crap outta that line.